Is My Skin Brown Because I Drank Chocolate Milk? | Beverly Daniel Tatum | TEDxStanford
Summary
TLDRIn this compelling speech, the speaker addresses the importance of discussing race with children. She shares personal anecdotes of her son's early experiences with race-related questions and the challenges of explaining complex racial issues to young children. The speaker emphasizes the need to foster open dialogue, correct misconceptions, and instill pride in one's heritage while also acknowledging the painful history of slavery and resistance. She encourages educators and parents to engage in these conversations to shape a more inclusive future.
Takeaways
- π§ Early Race-Related Memories: People often have early memories related to race, usually from grade school, associated with emotions like confusion, anxiety, fear, embarrassment, sadness, and shame.
- π£οΈ Lack of Conversation: Many people do not discuss their early race-related experiences with adults, possibly due to an unspoken rule that race is not a topic to be discussed.
- πΆ Children's Curiosity: Young children are naturally curious about differences, including race, and often ask questions that reflect their misunderstandings or societal biases.
- π©βπ« Teachers' Dilemma: Teachers often struggle with how to address questions about race and physical differences in the classroom, sometimes resorting to selective inattention.
- π©βπ¦ Parental Response: Parents also find it challenging to discuss race with their children, often responding with embarrassment or silence rather than education.
- π Colorblind vs. Color Silent: The desire to be colorblind can lead to color silence, where children learn not to talk about race, which can perpetuate misunderstandings.
- π¨οΈ Importance of Dialogue: Open conversations about race are crucial for children to understand and challenge societal norms and biases.
- π¦ Jonathan's Experience: The speaker's son, Jonathan, had a preschool conversation about skin color that led to a discussion about melanin and the natural variation in skin tones.
- πͺ Grocery Store Encounter: A scenario involving a mother and daughter in a grocery store highlights how children can innocently express biased views, requiring careful parental guidance.
- π Historical Context: The speaker emphasizes the importance of providing historical context when discussing race, including the resistance and resilience of enslaved Africans, and the role of white allies.
- π Positive Affirmation: It's important to affirm children's identities and instill pride in their heritage while discussing race and history.
Q & A
What is the significance of early race-related memories in the script?
-Early race-related memories are significant because they often carry strong emotions such as confusion, anxiety, fear, embarrassment, sadness, or shame. These emotions can shape a person's understanding and attitude towards race and are often not discussed with adults, leading to a lack of conversation and understanding.
Why did the speaker's son, Jonathan, think his skin was brown because of drinking chocolate milk?
-Jonathan, being a preschooler, had not yet learned about melanin and made a connection based on his own experiences and observations. He associated the color of his skin with the color of chocolate milk, which he had seen turn skin temporarily brown.
What did the speaker do when her son asked about the color of his skin?
-The speaker explained to her son that his skin color was due to melanin and that everyone has some, even if it's not visible. She used the example of Eddie getting a tan to illustrate that skin color can change.
Why did the teacher not address the issue of physical differences in the classroom?
-The teacher may not have addressed the issue because it hadn't come up in a way she was aware of, or she might have been unsure of how to handle the conversation. It's also possible that she practiced selective inattention, choosing to ignore conversations that she didn't know how to address.
What is 'color silent' as mentioned in the script?
-'Color silent' refers to the phenomenon where children learn not to talk about race or skin color, often due to a lack of guidance or discomfort from adults when such topics arise.
How did the speaker handle her son's confusion about being called 'black'?
-The speaker clarified that 'black' is a term used to describe African Americans and that it doesn't literally mean the color black. She emphasized the pride in being African American and the diversity of skin tones within the community.
What was the speaker's approach to discussing slavery with her young son?
-The speaker approached the topic by reassuring her son that slavery was in the past and not something to worry about. She emphasized resistance and rebellion, highlighting that not all white people supported slavery and that there were allies who fought against it.
Why did the speaker choose to discuss slavery with her son?
-The speaker chose to discuss slavery to provide historical context and to address her son's confusion about being African American. She wanted to ensure he understood the past and felt proud of his heritage.
What was the speaker's son's reaction to the discussion about slavery?
-The son was curious and asked questions, such as why people didn't return to Africa after slavery was abolished. His reaction showed a desire to understand his heritage and the history of his people.
What is the importance of having conversations about race according to the speaker?
-The speaker emphasizes that conversations about race are crucial for changing the future. She believes that silence will not help, and it's important to discuss these topics, even with young children, to foster understanding and break the cycle of avoidance.
Outlines
πΆ Early Race-Related Memories and Their Impact
The speaker begins by asking the audience to reflect on their earliest memory related to race, considering the age at which these memories occur and the emotions attached to them. They note that many people have early memories from grade school associated with negative emotions like confusion, anxiety, fear, and shame. The speaker then discusses the importance of discussing these experiences with adults, but acknowledges that many people do not, suggesting an early learned silence about race. The speaker shares a personal anecdote about their son's experience in preschool, where he was told his skin was brown because he drank chocolate milk, and the subsequent conversation they had about melanin and skin color. The speaker also raises questions about how educators and parents address conversations about race, suggesting that often these conversations are avoided or not addressed adequately.
π£οΈ The Challenge of Discussing Race with Children
The speaker continues by discussing the difficulty many parents and educators face when talking about race with children. They provide an example of a mother who might be embarrassed by her child's innocent but incorrect observation about a person's skin color and how she might not know how to respond. The speaker then shares a personal story of her son Jonathan asking if he was black and the conversation they had about the term 'black' and its relation to African Americans. The speaker emphasizes the importance of explaining race in a way that is both simple and accurate, while also addressing the potential for children to internalize negative messages about their race. The conversation with Jonathan also touches on the history of slavery and the speaker's approach to explaining this complex and painful history to a young child in a way that is age-appropriate and emphasizes resistance and allyship.
π The Importance of Conversations About Race
In the final paragraph, the speaker reflects on the importance of having conversations about race, even when they are difficult or uncomfortable. They recount a conversation with their son about the history of slavery, emphasizing the need to reassure children that such injustices are part of the past and that they are not personally at risk. The speaker also highlights the need to discuss resistance and the role of allies in overcoming historical injustices. They conclude by stressing that silence will not help change the future and that open conversations, even with young children, are crucial for progress. The speaker acknowledges the privilege of working with educators and the challenges they face in discussing this painful history, and they encourage the audience to engage in these conversations as a way to shape a better future.
Mindmap
Keywords
π‘Race-related memory
π‘Melanin
π‘Colorblind
π‘Selective inattention
π‘Resistance to victimization
π‘Symbolic language
π‘African Americans
π‘Slavery
π‘Painful history
π‘Color silence
π‘Allies
Highlights
The importance of discussing race-related memories and emotions early in life.
The emotional impact of early race-related experiences on children.
The significance of talking about race-related experiences with adults.
The author's personal experience discussing race with her young son.
The misconceptions children have about skin color and race.
The role of educators in addressing questions of physical difference.
Parents' struggles with discussing race with their children.
The concept of 'colorblindness' versus 'color silence' in children.
The complexity of explaining race to young children.
The symbolic language children use to understand race.
The author's approach to discussing African American identity with her son.
The challenges of explaining slavery to a young child.
The importance of emphasizing resistance and resilience when discussing slavery.
The role of white allies in the abolition of slavery.
The necessity of having conversations about race to change the future.
The author's encouragement to engage in these difficult conversations.
Transcripts
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
take a moment and think about your
earliest race-related memory how old are
you 3 5 7 10 13 the answer is probably
going to depend on where you grew up but
now think about what emotion is attached
to that memory maybe it's curiosity or
affection but most people I talk to will
say that they have an early memory
attached to grade school kindergarten
early elementary and the emotion that's
there for them is something like
confusion anxiety fear embarrassment
sadness shame now if you've got an early
memory and you've got some emotion
attached to it think about whether you
talked about that experience when it
occurred with an adult with a parent or
teacher or some other caring adult I
asked this question recently of a group
of Stanford freshmen and most of them
said they did not and in fact that's
true with most of the audiences I speak
to most people can remember an early
memory with a strong emotion attached to
it but yet they didn't talk to anyone
about it which is puzzling because most
5 6 7 year-olds are pretty candid and
they don't filter themselves much so we
have to wonder why not why did so many
people have an early experience and not
share it with an adult in their lives
had they already benched about it had
they already learned you're not supposed
to talk about race my first experience
with a preschool conversation was with a
three year old my own son named Jonathan
when Jonathan was 3 we lived in
Massachusetts and he attended a day care
center where he was the only
back child in his class one day I picked
him up and he said mom Eddie says my
skin is brown because I drink chocolate
milk is that true I said no Jonathan
that's not true
your skin is brown because you have
something in your skin called melanin
everybody has some even Eddie remember
when he went to visit his grandmother in
Florida and he came back with a tan
it was the melanin that made his skin
turn brown in the Sun everybody has them
but at your school in your class you are
the kid with the most Jonathan seem to
understand what I was saying and he was
very tickled by the idea that he had the
most of something but I wondered about
Eddie the kid with the chocolate milk
theory had anybody set him straight I
went to school the next day and I asked
the teacher how they were addressing
questions of physical difference in the
classroom we know that preschoolers
noticed difference skin color is the one
they most comment on but they noticed
differences in hair texture the shape of
one's eyes other kinds of physical
differences but the teacher said very
pleasantly to me you know it hasn't come
up now I knew that it had come up with
Jonathan hideous Lee told me about that
but then I thought well maybe she hadn't
heard those conversations
maybe those conversations had taken
place on the sandbox at the lunch table
out on the playground out of earshot of
the teacher I also wondered if maybe
she'd heard those conversations in
passing and not knowing exactly what to
say had engaged in what we might call
selective inattention you know those
things that come up you let them pass
you don't comment on them you forget
about them you're just not really tuned
in it's not just teachers who struggle
with this I know parents who do too
imagine this scene imagine a white mom
with her child in a grocery store the
little girl is three years old they live
in a mostly white community and they are
shopping together and the little
girl notices a dark-skinned person
perhaps for the first time and she says
in that loud three-year-old voice mommy
why is that person so dirty mom is
likely to do what Shh
the mom is likely to feel embarrassed
because of the child's statement but in
fact preschool children particularly
white children often associate darker
skin with dirt because they know that if
their skin got darker it might be from
playing in the dirt that's a common
misconception imagine instead of saying
that mom had said something like honey
her skin is as clean as yours people
come in different colors just like we
have different hair color
people have different skin colors it
doesn't have to be a complicated
conversation she might have gone on and
explained about melanin the way I did
with my son Jonathan but the fact is
often we don't know what to say and we
stop with and as a consequence children
do not become what many parents say they
are colorblind instead they become color
silent they learn early on that they're
not supposed to talk about it now some
conversations are harder than others I
want you to go back to that grocery
store this time it was me and my son
Jonathan who was a little older in this
story he's four years old we're shopping
together he's riding in the top of the
basket and he says to me Mom
Tommy said I was black am i black I said
yes Jonathan you are he looked at me
quizzically and he said but my skin is
brown I realized then of course that
children young children don't understand
the symbolic language that we as adults
use and I said Jonathan you're right it
is a little confusing I said but black
is a term that people use to describe
African Americans just like they use the
term white to describe European
Americans I said African Americans
aren't really black they come in all
shades of brown light brown like me
dark brown like your dad medium brown
like you
in the same way white people aren't
really white they're kind of pink
garbage or sometimes white brown he
looked at me very seriously said yes
they are mom I said Jonathan I had a
grocery list written on a white piece of
paper I held it up
I said Jonathan they don't look like
this he said yes they do I said no they
don't and then I realized that
preschoolers of course learned from
concrete experiences and so I said
Jonathan let's go find one and see so we
are in the grocery store the aisle by
ourselves but sure enough we turn the
corner and there's a white woman
shopping and I leaned over I whispered
in his ear I said she doesn't look like
this piece of paper he agreed she did
not I thought maybe we could move on in
the conversation but I also was
conscious of the fact that as his mom I
was concerned about the tone of his
voice when he asked me that question am
i black almost as though perhaps he was
starting to get negative messages about
whether it was okay to be black maybe
there was something wrong with being
black and I wanted to address that so I
talked to him about the fact that one he
could tell Tommy that he was African
American and I started to talk about the
pride he should have in being African
American and I was getting ready to wax
eloquently about the joys of the ancient
civilizations of Africa when he
interrupted me and said mom if Africa is
so great what are we doing here
I had a very precocious four-year-old
and I knew that I had to answer his
question but I didn't know how I could
answer it without talking about slavery
and how do you talk to a four-year-old
about a history of cruelty and injustice
I knew there were three things that I
had to keep in mind if I were if I was
going to tell that story one of those
things was that I need to reassure him
because four-year-olds are easily
frightened
I needed to reassure him that these were
things that were in the past and that
they weren't things that he had to worry
about too
I wanted to tell a story that featured
resistance to victimization I wanted to
talk about the enslaved Africans as not
passive victims but people who had
resisted their victimization and three I
wanted to talk about the fact that it's
possible to have white allies not all
white people supported slavery there
were white people who worked against it
and that just as the Africans had
resisted being victims there were white
people who had resisted being
victimizers and so I began my story at
the beginning I reminded him of his
preschool and the fact that they had
talked about the colonial era and
celebrated Thanksgiving talked about
that time and I said you know a long
time ago before there were grocery
stores and roads and houses and all the
things we see here now when the
Europeans came they wanted to build
those things they wanted to build roads
and farms and grocery stores and houses
and grow cotton and other crops and they
needed a lot of good strong smart
workers and so they went to Africa to
get the strongest smartest workers they
could find but I said unfortunately they
didn't want to pay them and so they
kidnapped them and they brought them
here and they made them work on the
farms and do the building and all of
that work without paying them and
was really unfair and they wouldn't let
them leave when they wanted to go home
and that was really unfair to and I said
many of them worked very hard to escape
and some of them were able to though not
everybody could and they found people
who were willing to help them there were
white people who didn't think slavery
was right and who joined with them to
work against slavery and eventually
working together they were able to
abolish it to end it he was listening
very carefully to me as I spoke about
this I emphasize the fact that Jonathan
you were never a slave I was never a
slave daddy was never a slave grandma me
and granddaddy were never slaves this
was really a long long time ago and now
slavery is illegal he was paying very
close attention and then he said well
when they weren't slaves anymore why
didn't they go back to Africa
fortunately I knew enough to say some
did but I said you know some people
might have wanted to stay because by
that time they had family members here
they had friends here and then he
interrupted me again and said and this
is a nice place too and I said yes it is
I'm sure you can imagine my relief that
the conversation was over but
retrospectively I was glad that it was
me actually that had the opportunity to
introduce this painful history because I
got to put my spin on it in the way that
reassured him and that also emphasized
resistance to victimization as well as
resistance to being a victimizer I know
that these are hard conversations I've
had the privilege of working with
teachers across the country and many of
them have told me how hard it is for
them to talk to elementary school
children even older children about this
painful history and I've talked to
African American children in particular
who have said how painful it is for them
sometimes to sit in classrooms when this
history comes up because it is so often
told from the point of passive
victimization
without the story of resistance without
the story of rebellion as part of the
narrative the reality is we have a
painful history and sometimes we have a
painful present in this moment our
silence will not help us we have to have
conversations the way forward to
changing our future is with a
conversation sometimes even a
conversation with a three-year-old thank
you very much
[Applause]
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