How to build trust in seconds | Adrienne Bankert | TEDxReno

Summary

In this compelling speech, the speaker shares a personal journey from poverty and adversity to success in broadcast journalism. Emphasizing the power of prompts in conversations, they explain how these cues can build trust, authenticity, and meaningful connections. By discussing empathy, respect, and the art of engaging with others, the speaker highlights the importance of being genuine and curious. Through personal anecdotes and practical advice, the talk inspires listeners to approach new interactions with confidence and compassion, transforming social and professional encounters into impactful, memorable experiences.

Takeaways

• 📚 Overcoming Adversity: The speaker emphasizes the importance of breaking the cycle of poverty and isolation through determination and success in relationships and career.
• 🗣️ Power of Prompting: Prompting is introduced as a technique to initiate meaningful conversations and build trust quickly with anyone.
• 🔍 Defining Prompting: Prompts are defined as questions, statements, gestures, or stories that spark curiosity and set the stage for genuine interaction.
• 💡 Prompt as a Catalyst: Prompts create momentum in conversations, opening doors of opportunity even with those who are hard to win over.
• 🌐 Authenticity through Prompting: Prompts are honest and direct, eliminating superficial chitchat and fostering an atmosphere of authenticity.
• 🤝 Respect and Interest: Prompts are about showing genuine interest and respect for the person being connected with, regardless of their background.
• 🧭 Self-Reflection: Before entering new spaces, it's crucial to assess one's feelings of insecurity or anxiety to prepare for effective prompting.
• 🌟 Affirmations for Confidence: Using affirmations can help internally shift one's perspective and boost confidence in social situations.
• 🛂 Purpose in Prompting: Approaching new spaces with a purpose to give and serve can help identify who to connect with and create meaningful interactions.
• 👂 Reading the Room: Understanding the energy and context of the room and the people in it is essential for effective prompting.
• 🤝 Influence through Empathy: Empathy and respect are key in influencing others and creating an atmosphere of trust and openness.

Q & A

What challenges did the speaker face growing up?

The speaker faced challenges such as growing up on welfare, being one of the only black children in a predominantly white town, experiencing racism, and dealing with their father's mental illness and their mother's lack of social support.

What was the speaker's definition of success?

The speaker defined success as having the confidence to approach and talk to anyone, being rich in relationships, and breaking the cycle of isolation.

What is 'prompt engineering' in the context of the speaker's experience?

In the context of the speaker's experience, 'prompt engineering' refers to the strategic use of questions, statements, gestures, or stories to spark curiosity and initiate meaningful conversations, fostering trust and connection with others.

How does the speaker describe the importance of authenticity in building trust with others?

The speaker emphasizes that authenticity is crucial in building trust because it eliminates superficial chitchat and allows for genuine connection, which can shift the atmosphere in a room and make people feel welcome and at ease.

What role does empathy play in the speaker's approach to connecting with others?

Empathy plays a significant role in the speaker's approach as it allows them to imagine the other person's journey, understand their experiences, and show genuine interest in who they are, making the first interaction more meaningful and respectful.

How does the speaker suggest overcoming impostor syndrome when meeting important people?

The speaker suggests overcoming impostor syndrome by first locating oneself, understanding one's insecurities, and using affirmations to internally shift perspective and approach new spaces with confidence and a mission to serve.

What is the significance of treating everyone with the same level of dignity, according to the speaker?

According to the speaker, treating everyone with the same level of dignity is significant because it reflects respect for all individuals, regardless of their social status or background, and can lead to meaningful and impactful connections.

How can kindness be used as a prompt to make others feel calm and optimistic?

Kindness can be used as a prompt by being observant and engaged, showing genuine appreciation for others' experiences, and creating an atmosphere of trust, which can make others feel calm, optimistic, and more willing to share themselves.

What does the speaker mean by 'being on a mission to give and to serve' when entering new spaces?

By being on a mission to give and serve, the speaker means approaching new spaces with the intention of contributing positively to others, discerning who might need support or connection, and offering that without expecting anything in return.

How does the speaker use the power of imagination to prompt empathy and connection?

The speaker uses the power of imagination by picturing the other person's journey, considering their struggles and achievements, and using this understanding to show genuine interest and respect, which fosters empathy and connection.

What is the speaker's advice for dealing with anxiety or insecurity in new social settings?

The speaker advises dealing with anxiety or insecurity by asking oneself reflective questions about feelings of belonging and self-worth, using affirmations to shift perspective, and focusing on serving others to alleviate self-focus.

Outlines

00:00

🗣️ Mastering Prompt Engineering in Conversations

The speaker discusses their challenging upbringing and the pivotal decision to break the cycle of isolation. They emphasize the importance of building trust through 'prompt engineering' in conversations, akin to how educators use prompts to facilitate learning. The speaker illustrates how a prompt can initiate meaningful dialogue, eliminate superficial chitchat, and foster authenticity. They also stress the significance of treating everyone with dignity and respect, regardless of their background, and the role of self-affirmation in overcoming insecurities before entering new social spaces. The paragraph concludes with the speaker's personal mission to give and serve when entering new environments, which helps them discern who they should engage with.

05:01

🤝 The Power of Empathy and Respect in Influencing Others

This paragraph delves into the concept of using prompts to create an atmosphere of trust and openness. The speaker shares anecdotes from their experiences in broadcast journalism, highlighting the importance of being an active listener and observer. They discuss the influence one can have in their social and professional circles, regardless of their role or status. The speaker also talks about the power of kindness and empathy in making others feel valued and comfortable, using examples from interviews with celebrities like Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper. The paragraph concludes with the idea that empathy and respect are essential not just in personal interactions but also in professional settings, where they can lead to deeper connections and more meaningful conversations.

10:02

🛫 Embracing Spontaneity and the Unexpected in Social Interactions

The final paragraph focuses on the idea of being ready for spontaneous moments and the potential they hold for creating memorable connections. The speaker recounts a personal story of a chance encounter on a flight that led to a significant business opportunity, illustrating the importance of being open and adaptable. They advocate for sharing stories that reflect one's values and aspirations, rather than focusing solely on personal achievements. The speaker concludes by encouraging the audience to see closed doors as opportunities for discovery and to use prompts as a tool for innovation in conversation, ultimately becoming a 'breath of fresh air' to others in social settings.

Keywords

💡Statistics

Statistics refer to the collection, analysis, interpretation, presentation, and organization of data. In the video, the speaker uses 'statistics' to emphasize the odds they were up against, suggesting that based on typical data, they should not have succeeded. It sets the stage for their narrative of overcoming adversity.

💡Isolation

Isolation is the state of being alone or separated from others. The speaker mentions 'isolation' to describe their childhood experience, which was characterized by being the only black children in a predominantly white town. This term is central to the theme of overcoming social and racial barriers.

💡Success

Success in the video is defined not just by wealth but also by the ability to confidently approach and communicate with anyone. The speaker's definition of success is tied to personal growth and the breaking of social and economic cycles, highlighting the importance of relationships and self-confidence.

💡Prompt Engineering

Prompt engineering is the art of initiating conversations or eliciting responses, particularly in the context of artificial intelligence. The speaker discusses its application in human interactions, emphasizing the power of a well-crafted prompt to start meaningful dialogues and build trust quickly.

💡Authenticity

Authenticity is the quality of being genuine and true to oneself. The speaker suggests that using prompts can help 'obliterate' superficial conversation and foster authenticity, which is crucial for building trust and meaningful connections.

💡Impostor Syndrome

Impostor syndrome is the feeling of inadequacy and fear of being exposed as a 'fraud,' despite evidence of competence. The speaker mentions it in the context of meeting important people, indicating that overcoming this syndrome is key to effective prompting and connection.

💡Affirmations

Affirmations are positive statements used to influence one's thoughts and self-perception. The speaker uses 'affirmations' as a tool for internal prompting, helping to shift one's perspective and build self-confidence before entering social situations.

💡Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. The speaker discusses using empathy as a prompt to connect with others, by imagining their journeys and experiences, which fosters deeper and more meaningful interactions.

💡Respect

Respect in the video is defined as treating everyone as if they are the most knowledgeable person in the room, regardless of their role or status. It is portrayed as a fundamental aspect of building rapport and trust in conversations.

💡Influence

Influence is the capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something. The speaker emphasizes that everyone, regardless of their role, has the power to influence others, which is a key concept in the video's message about personal impact and connection.

💡Mercy

Mercy is kindness or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm. The speaker mentions 'demonstrating mercy' as a way to make others curious about getting to know you, suggesting it as a powerful prompt for positive social interactions.

Highlights

The speaker overcame significant personal and societal challenges to succeed, including growing up in poverty and being part of a racially isolated family.

Success is defined by the speaker as the ability to confidently approach and talk to anyone, emphasizing the importance of relationships.

Prompt engineering is introduced as a concept for initiating and guiding conversations effectively, drawing parallels to its use in AI and education.

A prompt is described as a tool to spark curiosity and create momentum in conversations, opening opportunities even with resistant individuals.

The importance of honesty and directness in prompts is emphasized to eliminate superficial interactions and foster authenticity.

The speaker discusses the impact of their father's mental health struggles and the lesson of treating everyone with dignity, regardless of their social status.

Impostor syndrome is identified as a barrier to effective prompting, suggesting the need for self-assurance before engaging with others.

Affirmations are proposed as a method for internal prompting to shift one's perspective and enhance self-confidence.

The concept of entering new spaces with a purpose to give and serve is presented as a strategy for discerning meaningful connections.

Empathy and respect are highlighted as key components of effective prompting, with the speaker advocating for treating everyone as a genius in the room.

The power of imagination is discussed as a means to empathize with others and foster a deeper interest in their stories.

The speaker recounts a personal anecdote about an unexpected act of kindness that led to a significant professional opportunity.

The importance of being ready to make quick decisions and adapt to spontaneous moments is underscored through a travel story.

Sharing stories of meaningful encounters and community service is suggested as a way to prompt others to open up and connect.

The speaker concludes by encouraging the audience to see closed doors as opportunities and to approach new spaces with a focus on prompting innovation in conversation.

Transcripts

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

I never should have made it to this

stage not according to

statistics I'm the oldest of children

raised on welfare my siblings and I were

the only black kids in a town of just

about a thousand people racism poverty

Suicidal Tendencies It's All in the

Family my father struggled with mental

illness my mother had no real friends so

at a very young age I made a conscious

decision that I was not going to repeat

the history and the cycle of

isolation success for me was knowing I

could approach anyone

confident to talk to

anybody success meant being rich in

relationships that determination proved

vital as I pursued a career years later

in broadcast journalism and you know I

found out there's one thing any of us

can do no matter where we come from to

build trust with anybody within seconds

whether we're meeting them at a

networking event or interviewing Dwayne

The Rock Johnson

that one thing is a prompt now we've

heard about prompt engineering as it

relates to artificial intelligence right

we've heard about prompting in chat GPT

Educators have used prompts for years to

cue children and help them learn and

similarly we can prompt engineer

conversations now I'm not talking about

forcing someone to talk or an elevator

pitch this is about being real where

both of you sense that you can relate to

one another a prompt is first a question

a statement a gesture or a story that

pequs Curiosity it's the moment before

the normal interaction of getting to

know someone happens if you look prompt

up in the dictionary it means to move or

excite to action to make things happen

What prompting does is it makes momentum

happen in conversations where a door of

opportunity swings open even with those

who are hardest to win over second

prompt is honest and direct if I may put

it plainly it obliterates all of the

chitchat the obligation and the BS it

could actually trigger authenticity

Shifting the Atmosphere in a room and

third a prompt is all about interest and

a high level of respect for whoever

you're connecting with now I mentioned

my father and his struggle with mental

health he lived poor his whole life but

his father was a successful businessman

my grandmother lived on a golf course at

the ninth hole it was through this that

I learned to treat everyone no matter

where they came from with the same level

of dignity whether they were someone who

my grandparents would have hung out with

at the country club or somebody who was

homeless which is where my father would

end up but I notic that for most of us

when we meet important people we get

insecure or we try to impress them

having impostor syndrome will never

allow you to prompt no matter how well

you've researched someone and so it's

important to first locate ourselves if

we want to be accurate with prompting

before we go into new spaces before we

go into new rooms we have to ask

ourselves do I feel anxious do I feel

like I'm insecure why am I so afraid do

I feel like people are against me in

this room do I feel like I don't belong

the most important question is who do I

want to be when I walk into new rooms

and I find that affirmations can prompt

us internally to shift our perspective

if we say out loud we're in our private

spaces before we walk into public ones

we tell ourselves I am confident all

these people put their pants on one leg

at a time I am kind people enjoy talking

to

me you know it's so important that we

actually pay attention to what we're

saying about

ourselves I said kind for a reason

there's a difference between kind and

nice nice is polite kind is observant

and engaged I want to be the most

observant person in the room

but what if we can't talk ourselves into

confidence surrounding connection we can

prompt oursel with purpose this is my

go-to whenever I enter new spaces I am

on a mission to give and to serve I can

then discern who I'm supposed to talk to

it might be the person who's hanging by

themselves it might be somebody who

looks like they have a hard time and

struggle in networking events I just did

this the other day I was at a luncheon

and a woman appeared a bit nervous I

struck up conversation with her and she

immediately responded with gratitude for

the friendliness knowing we have

something to contribute allows us to

devote a different kind of energy where

we're more willing to speak to people we

do not know you know prompting

essentially it signals to other people

hey I'm open are you open

too yes it's important to read the room

depending upon where you are depending

on if the person is alone or with their

spouse or with colleagues perhaps

they're high energy or subdued all of

that's important but bottom line prompt

helps us relax because it's not about us

it's about making them feel welcome and

at ease we've all heard simple prompts

in action when somebody walks up to us

and says something unpredictable like

man wish they played more Curtis

Mayfield at this

party or perhaps they come up and blurt

out I think these events are awkward you

know I just came up to say hi because I

want to overcome my social

anxiety humor and cander can help us get

attention but to to create an atmosphere

of trust we have to know that we are

influencers and I'm not talking about

the social media

kind we need to know we are important

people in the room one big example of

this because it doesn't matter what your

role is it doesn't matter how much money

you make there's no comparison we

influence people in our circles we

influence people we've just met think

about an administrative

assistant she can influence the whole

entire office he can be someone that

that boss confides in they certainly

influence and

impact now for a lot of people I find

that it's important to build that trust

but it's also important to know we can

use kindness to prompt others and to

make them feel calm to make them feel

optimistic it leads us into spaces where

they're more willing to share

themselves the last time I interviewed

Lady Gaga it was with the cast of Star

is Born and she walked into the room

they were all seated and I could

immediately tell Bradley Cooper was the

head of this pack he had coached Lady

Gaga in acting she had coached him in

singing but she looked to him as a

source of common

expertise so when I asked her when I

heard someone refer to her as Stephanie

would you like to be referred to as

Stephanie during this interview this was

her first major motion picture she said

you can call me Gaga my friends call me

Gaga but then she looked over at Bradley

as if to affirm what she said so I

looked at

Bradley he says in the most stoic way

call her Lady

Gaga I obliged but that one question set

the tone for the whole interview see I

deferred to him in humility I was able

to connect moments later Anthony Ramos

was sharing a story i' asked him about

his High School Drama teacher she had

given him so much in the early stages of

his career

unexpectedly he started crying in the

interview we're all tearing up I find

out later all the publicists are crying

why all of us have been through hard

things whether we were raised poor in

the middle or wealthy we've gone through

struggles that coupled with the fact

that most of us even the extroverts can

be very cautious of meeting new people

levels the playing field making anyone

approachable there are so many people in

this world who have a similar story as

you and me and it's nice to let them

feel that they're not alone my mother

taught me that you can feel alone in the

midst of a crowd and I learned that you

can feel alone even in a designer suit

and with a fancy

title you use empathy you show people

they care that's a prompt but empathy is

thrown around like a hashtag people are

so concerned about saying it they never

explain how to do it here's what I do I

use the power of imagination as I'm

scanning a room and I'm about to

introduce myself to a person or meet

them for the first time and I imagine

what it's like on their Journey just

like I did with Anthony how long did

they have to wait for their big break

how much money and energy did they use

to invest in that new business how many

risks did they take how many times have

you even asked the same dumb

question through that empathy and my

imagination I'm able to then be more

interested in who they are so that when

I open my mouth the first thing I say is

not so

what are you working on or so what do

you

do empathy is an art and so is respect I

define respect as treating someone as

the genius in the

room whoever they are whatever they do

whether it's my dry cleaner or my boss I

was in a meeting once and everyone's

talking and being cordial but the client

I kept turning the conversation back to

the client because they had more

expertise than any of us and one thing I

said to them was what question do you

wish that more people asked

you this is a subtle and nuanced way to

show someone you have genuine

appreciation for their experience

without kissing up another time I was in

front of a

CEO and he was noticeably

tense I said to him you know being a CEO

is one of the hardest jobs on the

planet thank you he said he sensed my

compassion for his position we will grow

in our ability to connect as we grow in

our compassion everybody needs a breath

of fresh air everybody wants more fun

and mercy in their lives and

demonstrating Mercy will allow other

people to be more curious about getting

to know you plus we don't know where

those spontaneous moments of Mercy or

meeting new people can lead I was on a

plane and we were getting ready to go to

Mexico I had a big meeting for work I of

course chatted up the person next to me

yes I'm that person the passenger and I

had a friendly chat and then they

announced overhead our flight would be

delayed we'd miss our connection I

immediately called at the airline and I

said okay I need to get on the next

connection I can't miss this meeting

it's very important the man I just met

leans over and Whispers to me can you

get me on the next flight

too I said sure I love that prompt means

to be ready as an occasion demands to be

quick so much of life is about making

Split Second decisions as I'm on the

phone with customer service the

gentleman Whispering his frequent flyer

number in my

ear we get to

Mexico we are running off the plane I am

heading to security waving my goodbyes I

get there and it's an hour and a half

long wait I'm sweating how am I going to

do this I need to be there in 45 minutes

all of a sudden a tap on the shoulder

the man I'd met on the plane I have

Mexican Global Entry come with me I

FastTrack through that line two people

ahead of us made it to my meeting that

story still inspires me prompts Inspire

when you meet new people you don't have

to talk about yourself share stories

like that share stories of meeting one

in a million people talk about the

communities you serve talk about your

goals for the greater good and you'll

prompt others to do the same that will

make you both meaningful to that person

and memorable that's all we want we want

those one in a million

moments listen a lot of people walk into

new spaces and rooms full of

questions I encourage you to know you

are full of answers closed doors are not

a barrier to you it's a treasure hunt

with keys all around you as you focus on

prompts I promise you you'll see an

innovation in conversation and people

will look at you and say wow you're a

breath of fresh air which is exactly

what we all need right now thank you

[Applause]

[Music]

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