Taking my power back

Summary

Liz, the creator of 'The Wizard's List Guide to Inner Healing' journal, shares her deeply personal journey of healing from post-traumatic stress disorder and childhood abuse. She candidly discusses her struggles and the realization of her need for healing. Liz emphasizes the importance of her journal as a tool for self-discovery and emotional release, which she believes can help others facing similar traumas. She concludes with a powerful message of resilience and the decision to take back control of her life.

Takeaways

• 📔 Liz created a journal called 'The Wizard's List Guide to Inner Healing' to help with her own PTSD and trauma recovery.
• 🌟 Liz's journey of healing began six months ago when she realized the extent of her trauma after leaving her abusive environment.
• 🤯 She initially thought therapy alone would be enough for healing, but found that journaling was more impactful.
• 😢 Liz experienced severe abuse from a young age, which led to feelings of not being lovable or worthy.
• 💔 The abuse was so severe that it affected her daily life, relationships, and self-perception.
• 🌱 Liz's mother encouraged her to use her platform to help others who are voiceless and suffering from similar abuse.
• 📝 The journal includes questions to connect with one's inner child, affirmations, and practices to foster self-love and healing.
• 🔗 Liz's platform and the journal are intended to provide a voice for those who are suffering in silence.
• 💌 In the journal, Liz writes a letter to her abuser expressing that she no longer cares about them and has taken her power back.
• 💪 Despite the abuse, Liz has grown stronger and is committed to healing herself and helping others do the same.
• 🙏 She expresses gratitude to her audience for their support and love, which has been instrumental in her healing process.

Q & A

What is the name of the journal created by Liz?

The name of the journal created by Liz is 'The Wizard's List Guide to Inner Healing'.

What inspired Liz to create her journal?

Liz was inspired to create her journal because she was dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder and couldn't find a journal that helped her connect with her inner child and process her trauma.

How long ago did Liz start her healing journey?

Liz started her healing journey six months ago.

What was Liz's initial approach to dealing with her trauma?

Liz initially thought that just doing therapy would be enough to heal from her trauma.

At what age did Liz realize that something was wrong with her?

Liz realized that something was wrong with her when her abuser left the house, and she was around 18 or 19 years old.

What was Liz's initial reaction to her past trauma?

Liz's initial reaction was anger and confusion, wondering how someone could be so cruel to a child.

Why did Liz decide to share her story publicly?

Liz decided to share her story publicly because she has a platform that can give a voice to the voiceless and help others who are in abusive situations.

What role did Liz's mother play in her decision to share her story?

Liz's mother encouraged her to use her platform to help others who are going through similar experiences and don't have a voice.

What is the main purpose of Liz's journal?

The main purpose of Liz's journal is to help people dealing with childhood trauma connect with their inner child and facilitate the healing process through journaling.

How does Liz feel about the person who abused her now?

Liz feels indifferent about the person who abused her. She has taken her power back and is focused on giving herself and others the love and strength they deserve.

What is the one thing Liz promises to the person who hurt her the most?

Liz promises that she will make sure that the person sees her face on every screen, symbolizing her success and empowerment.

Outlines

00:00

📔 Introduction to 'The Wizard's List' Journal

Liz introduces herself as the author and designer of 'The Wizard's List', a journal she created six months ago to aid in her own healing journey from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and trauma. She shares her personal struggle with trauma stemming from severe childhood and teenage abuse. Initially, she thought therapy alone would be enough for healing, but soon realized the depth of her trauma. The turning point was when her abuser left, and she recognized the abnormality in her relationships and daily life. Despite being private, she feels compelled to share her story to empower others facing similar situations.

05:00

😢 The Reality of Abuse and Its Psychological Impact

Liz delves deeper into her experiences of daily abuse, the fear of coming home, and the forced psychiatric interventions by her school. She recalls being too ashamed and afraid to speak about the abuse, fearing her life would be in danger if she did. The abuse was so severe that it left her with physical injuries and emotional scars. She discusses the helplessness of witnessing abuse towards her loved ones and the impact it had on her mental health. As she grew older, this led to controlling behavior as a coping mechanism for the lack of control in her childhood.

10:02

📝 The Therapeutic Power of Journaling

Liz discovered the therapeutic benefits of journaling and writing down her emotions, which helped her connect with her inner self more than traditional therapy. Unable to find a journal that facilitated this deep connection, she created 'The Wizard's List'. The journal contains questions designed to help individuals explore their childhood traumas and connect with their inner child. Liz shares that writing in her own journal has been a significant part of her healing process, bringing up emotions but also a sense of relief.

15:07

💪 Overcoming Abuse and Finding Strength

In this paragraph, Liz reads a letter she wrote to her abuser as part of her journaling process, expressing the depth of the abuse and its lasting effects. She acknowledges the abuse but declares her strength in overcoming it. She forgives herself for not being able to change her abuser and vows to take back her power. Liz shares her journey of self-love and re-parenting, promising to break the cycle of abuse and ensure her future children experience love and respect.

20:07

🌟 Healing and Moving Forward

Liz concludes by expressing gratitude to her supporters for their patience and understanding. She emphasizes the importance of journaling in her healing process and her newfound indifference towards her abuser. She hopes to inspire others through her journey, promising to continue creating content and sharing her experiences. Liz's message is one of hope, healing, and the power of community support.

Keywords

💡Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

PTSD is a mental health condition triggered by experiencing or witnessing a terrifying event. In the video, the author mentions dealing with PTSD as a result of enduring traumatic experiences. This keyword is central to understanding the author's journey and the purpose behind creating the journal as a tool for healing.

💡Healing journey

A healing journey refers to the process of recovery and self-discovery that one undergoes after experiencing trauma. The author describes starting her healing journey six months prior to the creation of the journal, which she sees as an integral part of her path to recovery and a means to help others.

💡Trauma

Trauma is a deeply distressing or disturbing experience that has lasting effects on a person's mental health. The author discusses her experiences of trauma, including daily abuse, which led to her developing PTSD and starting her healing journey.

💡Survival mode

Survival mode is a state of mind where a person focuses solely on immediate needs for safety and well-being, often due to a traumatic or dangerous situation. The author reflects on her past, where she was in survival mode, just trying to get through each day without considering the long-term effects of the abuse she was suffering.

💡Inner child

The inner child is a psychological concept representing the part of an adult's personality that still carries the memories, emotions, and experiences of their childhood. The author's journal is designed to help connect with one's inner child to facilitate healing from childhood trauma.

💡Journaling

Journaling is the act of writing down one's thoughts, feelings, and experiences in a journal. The author found journaling to be a therapeutic tool that helped her process her emotions and contributed to her healing journey more than traditional therapy.

💡Abuse

Abuse refers to the misuse of power, which can include physical, emotional, or sexual mistreatment. The author's story is filled with accounts of abuse, which is a key theme in the video and a central issue that the journal aims to address as part of the healing process.

💡Voice for the voiceless

This phrase refers to using one's platform or influence to advocate for those who cannot speak up for themselves. The author's mother encourages her to use her platform to help others in abusive situations, which is a driving force behind the creation of the journal.

💡Strength

Strength in this context refers to the author's resilience and ability to endure hardship without giving in. Despite the trauma and abuse, the author emphasizes her strength and the strength she hopes to inspire in others through sharing her story and creating the journal.

💡Emotional baggage

Emotional baggage refers to unresolved emotional issues from past experiences that can affect a person's present behavior and relationships. The author discusses how her past traumas and abuse have manifested as emotional baggage, which she is working to unpack and resolve through her healing journey and journaling.

💡Self-love

Self-love is the appreciation and care for oneself. The author discusses the journey of learning self-love and rebuilding her self-esteem after years of abuse and emotional turmoil. The journal is designed to help others on a similar path to self-discovery and self-love.

Highlights

Introduction of 'The Wizard's List Guide to Inner Healing' journal

Author's personal journey with post-traumatic stress disorder

Realization of the need for more than just therapy for healing

The impact of daily abuse on mental health and coping mechanisms

The turning point after the abuser left and the author's self-realization

The author's move to a new country for a fresh start

The author's struggle with the concept of being a 'survivor'

The importance of the journal as a tool for healing

The author's experience with childhood abuse and its long-term effects

The author's mother's encouragement to use her platform to help others

The author's decision to create a journal to help others connect with their inner child

The journal's unique features, including questions and affirmations for inner healing

The author's journey of healing through journaling and self-reflection

The author's message to the person who caused them the most pain

The author's transformation from victim to a survivor who thrives

The author's commitment to breaking the cycle of abuse

The author's gratitude for the support and love from their audience

The author's hope to heal and grow together with their audience

The author's promise to continue creating content and sharing their journey

Transcripts

hi my name is liz and i am the author

and designer of the journal the wizard

list guide to inner healing

this is a journal i started creating six

months ago and this is a journal that is

very very close to my heart

um

as

maybe many of you know i am a person

that is dealing with post-traumatic

stress disorder

and i started my healing journey for my

traumas about six months ago

now

when i started the journey

what i initially thought was that

you know i just have to do therapy and

that's it and i'll get fixed um

but that was not the case and to be

honest i did not even know that i was

traumatized i just thought that whatever

it doesn't matter because when you are

living in a situation where

daily abuse is happening where you're

being mentally and physically abused

daily

you're not thinking oh i'm traumatized

the only thing you are thinking is i

have to survive the day

and i have to make sure i get through

this day it really hit me when my abuser

left the house

i was i think 19 or 18 years old

when the person left

and then i really realized that

oh wow

something is really wrong with me

because the way that i would deal with

my friendships the way that that i would

deal in relationships

it was not normal at all and i could see

that there is a serious problem

now

then

when i really even moved countries

and got out of the whole house and

everything

i could clearly look at it and be like

wow

i literally went through so much stuff

that i did not deserve

and

i'm just

even till today i'm just like wow liz

you're so strong and and

i really really am

i just

never realized how

how i was in such survival mode

um

let me

tell you guys

why this is such something that's very

close to my heart

um

so like i said i have dealt with extreme

childhood abuse and in my teenage years

as well and i am not talking about um

a spank here or spaying there no no i

i'm talking about like uh several times

i've uh

i've come very close to

um not being alive anymore

um

there was you know

you know why why this is so

hard for me to talk about because first

of all i'm a very private person and i

do not like it when people perceive me

as weak

and me talking about um

talking about uh very traumatic events

um makes me feel weak i don't want pity

i don't want people to be like oh this

i'm so sorry for you i don't want that

i want people to look at me and be like

wow you know like you're strong you you

really

survived something um

but i somewhere i think because i have

this platform and i talked with my mom

about this and my mom was like list

your whole platform the reason that you

created this platform was to be a voice

for the voiceless

and so all these people that dm you

about your abusive households that don't

know how to get out and all these things

and you want to keep quiet

when they don't have a voice and you do

you have a platform you can share your

story

and

you can become

you know

like

a sort of strength for them

um

but i think that's all easier said than

done because me sitting right here i

don't want to say anything i don't want

to tell you guys anything because

this is so um

i don't know

you know like i've always wondered like

how can a person be so cruel

to a child

i don't get it like why i've always

wondered that and six months ago i was

very angry and upset because i kept

having nightmares about one of like

i have specific things because my

childhood is very black for me

i don't remember anything from my

childhood anymore i remember that i

would i could i would get beaten daily

um

like i would get yelled at

i was always terrified to come home um

[Music]

i remember having

my school forcing psychiatrists on me

every week there would be a psychiatrist

coming because obviously they saw the

bruises

i would not talk

because if there's anything that i was

more ashamed of or

than then he was talking about

what happened to me because i was

embarrassed um

and

i i just thought i need to keep the

secret because

my abuser told me that otherwise he

would take my life and

that was yeah that was also

you know

and i wondered so long like i was so

angry at first because i was like how

could you

do that to a child

and how could you like you know like

guys i'm talking like i would like i

have stitches on on my on my

the back of my head and stuff from um

yeah from severe injuries to my head i

always wondered like how

far does it have to go before

somebody notices like a doctor or

my school knew but i would not tell

anything so they couldn't really do

anything

um

but you know when the ambulance took me

how many times before they realized that

i did not

like

run into a door

how many times before they realized

there's something wrong

but i think when when

when you are not talking about it when

you are not communicating

um what's happening they can't really do

anything

because even if somebody intervened i

would much rather

live in a household like that

then

go into foster care

because

that's all i knew i literally

the abuse was was familiar to me and

that's all i knew i yeah

also like it was always like really

unprovoked if i could tell you like the

devil in human form this person was the

devil in human form

uh and it was not only me that god

abused like everyone that i loved god

abused and i think you as a child seeing

that injustice happening to your family

but you're feeling so powerless because

you cannot do anything to help them that

really hurts your soul and then when i

got older i became this whole control

freak like i needed to control everyone

around me and every single thing because

in my childhood i had no control at all

i remember like even in my teenage years

like come on like

i would go to work right um and i would

come home from work and um

this person would beat me up because i

stayed an hour later at work

but obviously i needed the job because i

needed the money and then my employers

would get mad at me when i wanted to

leave earlier

because

they

they were like you don't want to work no

i wanted to work but i was scared to

death to go home because there's

somebody literally waiting to beat me up

because i was an hour later

and just when i was younger um i saw

injustice happening

to my mom

i would constantly defend my mom against

this person

and my mom told me this is where the

hate started

from this person towards me because i

would defend my mom but i i just i just

you know i

i've had this urge to protect my mom

because i love my mom so much and

she has been through the worst and

i don't think she deserved any of that

and me as a child seeing that that

really hurts me

i remember every time she would leave

the house um she would leave then i

would leave with her i would just

sit on a bench somewhere outside with

her just

next to her so make sure she's okay

um

if i'm telling you that i saw horrific

things that not only happened to my

loved ones

about

horrific things that happened to me like

i'm not exaggerating at all

i just

i can't talk about it i really am trying

and i can't

i started my healing journey six months

ago and and i i found this love and

journaling i i found this love and and

writing down my emotions because i could

really feel that

in that way i can connect to my inner

self to my inner child to really

understand what i'm feeling

and to be honest this helped more than

therapy and anything

but i would go to bookstores i would go

to shops and i would look for that

journal that had questions about your

inner child that had questions that

where you could really connect to

yourself and i could not find that

journal

so i decided six months ago you know

what i am gonna create that journal

i'm gonna make sure that i put the

questions that where people can really

connect to what happened to their

childhood what they were like as a child

who the person was that hurt them

um

and i really far formulated these

questions so well that uh i 100 think

that if anyone is dealing with uh

childhood trauma

with even abuse till this day i honestly

truly think that the journal can

really help because

i even wrote myself in this journal and

it really brought up some emotions but i

felt so much lighter after writing it

down it has inner child affirmations

it has a

different practices you can do to

connect your inner child

and it has beautiful questions

so yeah my journal is available on

amazon i will link the journal in bio i

have this one question in my journal

that says if you could say anything to

the person that hurt you the most what

would you say and when i was writing in

the journal i

wrote it all down and i am going to read

that to you guys

so the question is if you could tell the

person who hurt you the most

everything you wanted to say what would

you say

i wonder if you care

i wonder if you know what you did and

how much it affected me

six months ago when i was creating this

journal i was thinking about all the

things i would write down

i would tell you exactly where you

traumatized me the most

things from the young age of 3

till 18

that i remember vividly

things that i've never expected to haunt

me and have nightmares about in my early

20s

and now

it never just goes away

i could not pray it away

no amount of therapy made it go away

and every time i tried to ignore it it

would show up in my relationships

friendships and the way i treated myself

i learned that i have to accept it

but not be a victim of my circumstances

six months ago is also when i started my

healing journey

and today i can proudly say that i

genuinely don't care about you

all the years of daily physical

an emotional abuse and i can proudly say

you did not break me

six months ago i wanted to expose every

cruel and inhumane thing you did to me

today i realize it's not my place to

expose your sins

and if i'm being really honest i pity

you

you had the same childhood as me filled

with immense abuse

you never got to experience what love is

but see that's not an excuse

because of you

i never got to experience what love is

yet here i am

acknowledging my flaws

reading the books going to therapy and

journaling

isn't it ironic

that i grew up to become the person that

i think you need the most

i remember from an early age trying to

understand why i was not lovable or even

worthy of being treated as a human being

but i also understood from an early age

that i would never get the answers to

those questions

and i'm okay with that now

i really try to understand you but

everyone has a breaking point

i'm sorry your parents didn't love you

but i didn't do that to you

i'm sorry you went through the exact

same mental and physical abuse you put

me through

but i didn't do that to you

i'm sorry you grew up to be a cruel

person

filled with hate in your heart

but i didn't do that to you

when a parent fails to love a child

the child does not stop loving the

parent

the child stops loving itself

after years of hating my face

hating my body

thinking i'm not smart

i should be more serious and nobody will

ever love me because you told me so

i can confirm that that statement is

true

if there was any self-love or confidence

i was born with you definitely took that

from me

i had to completely learn

how to be confident how to deal with my

anxiety and depression

how to love myself and how to function

in society

i had to re-parent myself

but one thing you did not and will not

take from me is my strength

and no

i am not strong because of what you did

to me

i am strong despite of what you did to

me

all the love i was supposed to be given

i give myself today

and i created a platform where i inspire

others to do the same

you will find it shocking to see how

many people do think that i am worthy

lovable and smart

i get daily messages from strangers

filled with immense love and gratitude

it wasn't that hard was it

one thing i am grateful for is

you showed me exactly what not to do

i will continue to do the work and fix

every part of me that you try to break

and one day when i am ready and decide

to have a child

i will make sure that my child knows

what pure love is

that physical violence is not needed to

get my point across

and that is okay to communicate instead

of yell hit

or even worse

this cycle ends with me

all the things you took from me

i will give my children and myself twice

as much

i'm not angry nor am i sad

i have no feelings towards you

my main focus is giving myself all the

love i know i deserve

and you

i will let god deal with you

but i promise you one thing

this space

that you would abuse daily until it was

black and blue

this face that you could not stand to

look at

i will make sure that you see this face

on every screen you look at

i promise you that

mark this day

as the day i took my power back guys

thank you so much for being so patient

with me i promise to upload more

regularly right now because

honestly

i don't have i feel indifferent

completely i don't care about this

person anymore and really honestly

journaling really helped me

this honestly truly did help me to write

my feelings down to

just get everything off my chest that i

cannot say out loud i can just write it

down

um so yeah just thank you for being

patient with me

um thank you for understanding me and

thank you for the immense love i get

from you guys i feel hurt i feel valued

and

for that only i can't thank you guys

enough because

i feel like you guys gave me my life

back

so

thank you so much

and i will continue to make each and

every one of you proud

i just hope that we can heal together

i hope that we can grow together

and i think that if we do the work we'll

all get there

thank you so much i love you guys