Brutally Honest Advice for Broke People

Alex Hormozi
3 Apr 202447:43

Summary

TLDRThe speaker shares a raw and inspiring account of overcoming financial struggles by taking personal responsibility and leveraging one's circumstances, even when they seem bleak. Emphasizing the importance of owning one's faults and using available resources wisely, the speaker details their journey from hardship to success, highlighting the necessity of perseverance, self-accountability, and strategic risk-taking. The narrative serves as a powerful reminder that transformation is possible through sheer determination and a refusal to accept the status quo.

Takeaways

  • πŸ’‘ Accepting responsibility for one's current situation is the first step towards change - it's not about blame, but recognizing that the power to alter circumstances lies within oneself.
  • πŸ› οΈ Utilize the resources you currently have, whether it's time, skills, or a strong will, to begin the journey towards financial stability and success.
  • πŸšΆβ€β™‚οΈ Start taking small, calculated steps towards your goals. Don't wait for the perfect moment or resources; use what's available to you now.
  • πŸ”„ Recognize that change is a process that builds upon itself. Each small success or learning moment brings you closer to your larger objectives.
  • πŸ’° Financial freedom is not just about accumulating wealth; it's about the ability to avoid pain and discomfort that financial constraints can cause.
  • πŸ”— Building relationships and networking should be strategic. Surround yourself with people who either have the life you want or are actively working towards it.
  • πŸ“ˆ Invest in yourself by learning new skills and gaining knowledge. This not only increases your value but also opens up new opportunities for income and growth.
  • 🚫 Don't be swayed by naysayers or those who don't support your ambitions. Their opinions should hold less weight if they do not contribute to your path to success.
  • πŸ€” Embrace discomfort as part of the journey. It's through facing and enduring hardship that you develop resilience and the ability to push through towards your goals.
  • 🎯 Set clear, achievable goals but be flexible in your approach. The path to success is often non-linear and requires adaptation and persistence.

Q & A

  • What is the speaker's main message for people struggling financially?

    -The speaker emphasizes taking personal responsibility for one's financial situation and using whatever resources available, such as time and energy, to improve one's circumstances.

  • How did the speaker describe their own experience with poverty?

    -The speaker shared that they had to work multiple jobs, including cleaning and billing, to make ends meet. They also mentioned feeling like they missed out on their 20s due to their financial struggles.

  • What was the speaker's initial goal that they wrote down 13 years ago?

    -The speaker's initial goal was to make $10,000 a month in income.

  • What is the speaker's perspective on the power of positive thinking and affirmations?

    -The speaker acknowledges that these methods did not work for them personally, and while they do not discourage others from using them, they emphasize finding what works best for the individual.

  • How did the speaker overcome the challenges of their past?

    -The speaker overcame their challenges by taking personal responsibility, using their anger and determination to not fail as a driving force, and continually seeking ways to improve and learn new skills.

  • What does the speaker suggest is the first step to take in changing one's financial situation?

    -The first step, according to the speaker, is acknowledging that one's current situation is their own fault, which is a crucial step towards taking control and making changes.

  • Why does the speaker believe that taking responsibility is so important?

    -Taking responsibility is important because it shifts the power from external circumstances or people to oneself, allowing individuals to take control of their lives and make the necessary changes to improve their situations.

  • What is the speaker's view on the concept of 'my fault' in personal development?

    -The speaker views 'my fault' as a foundational concept in personal development because it places the power of change within the individual, enabling them to take action and make improvements in their life.

  • How does the speaker describe the process of moving from a state of poverty to financial stability?

    -The speaker describes it as a process of sheer brute force, requiring a huge amount of soul-driving energy, persistence, and the willingness to take on additional pain today to reduce the pain of tomorrow.

  • What advice does the speaker give to those who feel stuck in their current situation?

    -The speaker advises acknowledging the current situation as one's own fault, using that realization as a source of motivation to take consistent action, learning new skills, and investing in personal growth.

Outlines

00:00

πŸ€‘ Overcoming Financial Struggles Through Accountability

The speaker shares their personal journey from poverty, emphasizing the importance of taking responsibility for one's financial situation. They recount setting a goal to earn $10,000 a month and how they overcame the pain and struggles of their past. The speaker highlights the need to acknowledge one's current circumstances as their own fault and to use available resources wisely. They also discuss the value of learning from self-help books and the power of determination in changing one's life trajectory.

05:02

πŸ”‹ The Soul-Driving Energy for Financial Success

The speaker delves into the concept of soul-driving energy, which involves going beyond one's normal life and job to achieve financial success. They describe the necessity of enduring pain today to reduce the suffering of tomorrow. The speaker uses the metaphor of life as a timeline with glass, representing hardships, that one must pull towards themselves to progress. They argue that everyone could eventually succeed given enough time, but many people give up too soon. The speaker also emphasizes the importance of seizing the present to reap future benefits.

10:07

πŸ’­ Breaking the Cycle of Blame and Embracing Responsibility

The speaker discusses the common tendency to blame external factors for one's lack of success and the importance of shifting the blame to oneself as the first step towards improvement. They argue that acknowledging personal responsibility empowers individuals to change their circumstances. The speaker shares their own experiences of overcoming blame and using anger as a motivator to succeed. They stress that understanding that one's situation is their own fault is foundational to making progress and building a successful future.

15:07

πŸ’° The Power of Ownership and Financial Autonomy

The speaker emphasizes the significance of owning one's mistakes and the role this plays in personal development and financial growth. They argue that blaming others or external circumstances only gives them power over one's life. The speaker shares a personal story of writing an essay on depression, which led to a better understanding of their mother's struggles and a shift in their relationship. They explain that recognizing one's own power is crucial for success and that taking accountability can lead to a stronger sense of self and greater achievements.

20:08

πŸ›οΈ Transforming Pain into Action for a Wealthier Future

The speaker talks about the transformation of pain into action as a means to achieve financial success. They discuss the importance of taking small risks today for long-term gains and the pitfalls of a victim mentality. The speaker shares their experiences of learning from failures and how these experiences accumulate to create opportunities for success. They argue that understanding the value of personal responsibility and the willingness to learn from mistakes are key to financial growth and personal development.

25:10

πŸ“ˆ Financial Goals and the Strategy of Reinvestment

The speaker shares their approach to financial growth, focusing on the strategy of reinvesting income to increase earnings. They explain the concept of viewing money as potential energy and the importance of reinvesting to achieve higher income levels. The speaker also discusses the mindset of spending less than one makes and using excess funds to create more wealth. They argue that even those with limited resources can learn, develop skills, and eventually achieve financial success through smart investment and a commitment to self-improvement.

30:11

πŸ’Ό The Art of Trading and Skill Acquisition for Success

The speaker discusses the importance of understanding how money is made and the art of trading valuable goods or services. They emphasize that money comes from voluntary exchange and that one must provide something of value to receive money in return. The speaker shares their personal journey of learning, mastering skills, and using those skills to generate income. They argue that the key to success is to focus on skill acquisition and to use those skills to create more value and wealth over time.

35:11

πŸš€ Leveraging Personal Growth for Financial Success

The speaker talks about the journey from learning a skill to becoming successful in business. They share their personal experiences of starting with small achievements and gradually building up to larger successes. The speaker emphasizes the importance of taking one step at a time and not worrying about the entire path ahead. They also discuss the value of perseverance and the impact of emotions such as anger and shame in driving personal progress. The speaker encourages listeners to use their current emotions and circumstances to take action and move towards their financial goals.

40:11

🧠 The Mental Shift Towards Wealth and Success

The speaker discusses the mental shift required to move from a state of poverty to wealth and success. They emphasize the importance of owning one's current situation, using what one has, and focusing on the next step rather than the entire journey. The speaker also talks about the need to increase self-approval and decrease the influence of others' opinions. They argue that by taking action despite the pain and focusing on personal growth, one can achieve financial success and reach their goals.

Mindmap

Keywords

πŸ’‘Accountability

Accountability refers to the acceptance of responsibility for one's actions and decisions. In the context of the video, it is a crucial step for individuals looking to improve their financial situation. The speaker emphasizes that acknowledging that one's current state is their own fault allows them to take necessary actions to change it. This concept is used to illustrate the importance of personal responsibility in overcoming adversity.

πŸ’‘Self-improvement

Self-improvement involves personal development to achieve goals and enhance one's life. The video emphasizes self-improvement as a means to escape poverty and financial struggles. It suggests that by focusing on learning new skills and continuously bettering oneself, individuals can create opportunities for financial growth and success.

πŸ’‘Financial struggle

Financial struggle refers to the difficulty an individual faces in meeting their monetary needs, often leading to stress and hardship. The video discusses the speaker's own experiences with financial struggle as a driving force for change and improvement. It highlights the reality of living paycheck to paycheck and the emotional toll it can take on a person.

πŸ’‘Persistence

Persistence is the act of continuing in a course of action despite difficulties or challenges. In the video, persistence is portrayed as a key attribute that helped the speaker overcome financial struggles. It is the determination to keep going, learn from failures, and continue striving for better circumstances.

πŸ’‘Education

Education in this context refers to the process of learning and acquiring knowledge or skills, particularly those that can lead to financial success. The speaker advocates for continuous education as a means to improve one's situation, emphasizing that it is never too late to learn new skills and apply them to one's advantage.

πŸ’‘Emotional resilience

Emotional resilience is the ability to adapt and cope in the face of adversity or stress. The video underscores the importance of emotional resilience in overcoming financial challenges. It suggests that individuals must be prepared to handle the emotional toll of their struggles and use it as fuel to push forward.

πŸ’‘Opportunity cost

Opportunity cost refers to the potential benefits an individual misses out on when choosing one action over another. In the video, the concept is used to illustrate the importance of making decisions that maximize long-term gains, such as investing time and money into learning new skills or starting a business, rather than focusing on immediate comfort or avoiding risk.

πŸ’‘Financial literacy

Financial literacy is the understanding and knowledge of financial matters, including personal finance management, investment, and the dynamics of the economy. The video emphasizes the importance of financial literacy as a tool for individuals to take control of their financial future and make informed decisions.

πŸ’‘Risk-taking

Risk-taking involves the willingness to take on potential danger, uncertainty, or endowment in pursuit of a goal or reward. In the video, risk-taking is presented as a necessary component of achieving financial success. It suggests that individuals must be prepared to face the possibility of loss in order to gain greater rewards in the long run.

πŸ’‘Time investment

Time investment refers to the allocation of time resources towards activities that are expected to yield benefits in the future. The video highlights the importance of investing one's time wisely, particularly in self-education and skill development, as a means to improve one's financial situation.

Highlights

The importance of taking responsibility for one's current situation and acknowledging that it's one's own fault.

The necessity of using what one has at the moment, instead of waiting for ideal circumstances or resources.

The power of self-reflection and recognizing the need for change in order to improve one's life.

The significance of developing resilience and a tough mindset to overcome challenges and obstacles.

The value of learning from past experiences and using them as stepping stones towards success.

The importance of focusing on the present and taking immediate action rather than delaying efforts.

The concept of viewing life as a series of small, manageable steps rather than a daunting, large goal.

The idea of using emotions such as anger or frustration as fuel to drive progress and avoid complacency.

The necessity of re-evaluating and potentially shedding relationships that do not support one's goals.

The concept of trading time for skills, which can then be traded for more resources or money.

The importance of embracing a growth mindset and continuously learning and adapting.

The value of self-reliance and self-approval in the face of external criticism or doubt.

The idea that financial success is not about having a specific feeling or state of mind, but about taking consistent action.

The significance of visualizing and preparing for potential future scenarios to motivate present action.

The concept of using pain as a motivator to push through challenges and achieve long-term goals.

The importance of recognizing that the journey to success often involves a period of loneliness and sacrifice.

Transcripts

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this is brutally honest advice for poor

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people I've been there I had toing pay

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rent every night I would think if I

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didn't wake up tomorrow I would be okay

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with it and I don't want that for

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anybody I get

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it I was just going through all these

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old files yesterday and I saw a goal

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that I had written which was to make

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$10,000 a month income and so it was 13

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years ago and so like I viscerally

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remember what that was like um and I

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know I never I was in so much pain

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during that during that time that I get

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it and so like the reason we make this

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stuff is cuz I I've been there and I

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don't want that for anybody you know

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like I missed I missed my 20s like I

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just I didn't have them as people

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traditionally say it you know like it's

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it's weird because in today's like

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internet culture like I started my I

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started my first brick and mortar

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business like store Front I was 23 like

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I I know about like I knew

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nothing and like I didn't know you could

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hire employees like it wasn't a thought

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like I didn't know

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anything um and so

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like I cleaned I did the billing I did

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the sales I taught the sessions like I

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fixed the equipment like I did

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everything because I didn't know you

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could and I also I I didn't know and I

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didn't have the money frankly to afford

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anything else and so um I get it like

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like I get I get I get it

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um but to get out of that you have to

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take steps and the first step is saying

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that it's my fault the second step is

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that you have to use what you

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have and so in the beginning I would I

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would you know I I was reading the self-

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health books and all this stuff and um

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none of them really hit for me because a

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lot of it was like power of positive

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thinking and like affirmations and like

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all this stuff and the reason I make the

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content I do now which has now almost

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become like a shtick um countering that

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is be is because it didn't work for me

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and I'm trying like I'm not trying to

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speak to everybody if you if that works

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for you then like awesome like awesome

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like I people mistake me saying this is

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what worked for me with this is what I

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think everyone should do and it it

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couldn't be further from the truth I'm

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saying if what H what you have been

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doing hasn't been working then consider

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this which is that like I remember

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because I just read this yesterday the

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intro in the book I say um I wish I

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could tell you that the reason I was

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able to make it out of the

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gym was because I was like really

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passionate about changing people's lives

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and I loved Fitness and I loved you know

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my clients faces when they would light

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up and they'd step on the scale and

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they'd lose weight they'd be able to fit

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in their high school clothes again it

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was none of that it was just the sheer

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anger that I had but the idea of being

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wrong and having the People Back

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Home be right about everything and I

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just couldn't I couldn't I mean I still

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can barely tolerate it and so I mean I

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took in some ways and this isn't a uh I

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don't if woe is me is the right is the

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right term but like I had an otherwise

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very successful career like I was in a

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white collar job and sometimes it's hard

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like I mean hey I don't know I haven't

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been in the other situation but taking a

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step down and humbling yourself to

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minimum wage after you've been in a

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white collar situation not easy and I

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remember I had clients who walk in and

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be like oh did you did you uh did you go

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to college and they were saying that um

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patronizingly um and mind you everyone

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here at least this channel knows that I

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don't I don't give a um but they

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were saying it to basically like when I

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was going to like write something down

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like am I

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literate and in those moments again it

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was like I could be right or be rich

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like I could try and humiliate them back

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because of the pain of what they just

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said made me feel they probably didn't

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even

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that or I can be like yeah yeah I went

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to I went to school I'm very grateful

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for it you know like so what are your

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goals I could just move right past it

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and so you develop that skin because I

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had to because I had to pay rent

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and so I mean I tell stories about

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having a kid drawing marker on the wall

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while I'm trying to close his mom and

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he's writing in permanent marker and I'm

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trying not to lose my over the fact

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that I'm have to repaint the wall

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because she doesn't know how to parent a

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child but I needed to close the card to

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pay for the paint and so it's like I can

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scold the kid and lose the sail or I can

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close the sail and keep my cool and then

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eventually clean the clean the wall and

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so like you only get that stuff by doing

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it um and so if you're in if you're in a

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place right now where you don't have a

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lot you only have one thing which is

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time and so you have lower leverage I'm

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not going to lie to you and say that you

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like you're there there's this one play

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this one secret no it's just it's sheer

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Brute Force like you have to Will

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yourself out of it like there's you have

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to do it's it's like a it's a it's a

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huge amount of of Soul driving energy

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that you have to do outside of what you

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normally do so it's like you have to

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live one person's normal life you have

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to do your normal work your normal job

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you have to eat you have to sleep you

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have to clean you have to do whatever

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else and then then the workday starts so

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that is how you eat today but you're

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trying to get ahead and you have to eat

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tomorrow and so you have to you have to

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you have to eat the glass so that you

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can take the pain today and you're

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trying to take as much of the pain from

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tomorrow as you can today so you can get

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ahead and like even the concept of

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getting head I like I think about this

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visually which is like if you have this

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this timeline of life that you can pull

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towards you and it's glass in the

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beginning and then it's slightly less

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less coarse and then less coarse and

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then it gets and then it gets neutral

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and then it starts to get a little bit

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sweeter and a little bit sweeter and a

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little bit sweeter but you have to get

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through that glass period where you pull

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towards you and I do have this theory

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that like on a long enough time R and if

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we could live A Thousand Years everyone

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would eventually be successful but

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people wait too long and they die too

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early and I say die too early on a long

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on a long timeline and so I want I have

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to live today and tomorrow and the next

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day so I can live three days at a time

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so I can get to my second and third

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life's benefits now and so that was what

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like I remember the only times that I

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took off when I was when I was at the

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gym and one of the biggest things that I

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was grateful for with the gyms is that I

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moved across the country and so I knew

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no one I was at Huntington Beach I was

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from Baltimore like no one and what

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would happen so one of the gifts of that

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was that once the week was over my

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Saturday sessions were done at like noon

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my phone didn't ring no like in some

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ways very sad because like no one wanted

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to see Alex you know what I mean like no

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one was inviting me out but I was like

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like I got to make this work and so

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I would just I'd sit there and be like

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how do I sell memberships how do I

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Market how do I everything you know but

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I but that was how I got ahead and so I

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I tell the stories of like I remember

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when I when I stopped watching the

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Ravens and I was from Baltimore so that

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was

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like like a tie to

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home and so um yeah it's fresh for me

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because I just read the story yesterday

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but it was like it was

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tough

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I'll catch my breath so all that to

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say the sacrifices that I encourage

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people to take are not sacrifices I did

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not

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make and I I don't say that there

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there's there's no ways to to get there

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I'm just saying that this is the way I

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got

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there and if this path works for you

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then maybe it works better than what

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you're doing right now which is I had a

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lot of

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pain and so I I tried to use it I just

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use what I had I just you know I was

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just angry I didn't I didn't want to

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fail and so I just kept going and so

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there was no like there just wasn't

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another option and so I think that's

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like that's what I would encourage

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people to think about was like they're

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just there I just didn't I didn't allow

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another option

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because the other option was just was

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just worse than dying

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because I mean I've told this story

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before and things get hyperbolized I

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mean you know exaggerated romanticized

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whatever but like when I had my big

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consulting job I was making good money

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and I had the approval of my my peers

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and all this stuff and I just didn't

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want to wake up the next day every day

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and it wasn't like I was trying to kill

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myself it wasn't that but I was I every

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night I would think if I didn't wake up

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tomorrow I would be okay with it and

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so when I knew that that was what I was

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going back to if I didn't make this

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work I just had I had no plan B I mean I

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had Plan B is that I would drive Uber

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and strip I joke about that but that was

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very much my plan B if I didn't make it

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work um

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but and I I I get I get grilled on

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social media for saying this because of

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like race Wars but like there

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have been slaves for thousand thousands

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of years there were slaves in Egyptian

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times there were Jews who were slaves

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there were Persian slaves there were

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white slaves there were back slaves

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humans have enslaved one another period

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And I like to think of things in

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extremes because it allows me to think

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about what's

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possible and so the idea that someone

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else at some other time in history has

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worked seven days a week every hour that

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they're awake with a threat not of their

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own death but of their children's death

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because that's what I would do if I were

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trying to control somebody I would take

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their kids and say kill them if you

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don't work and guess what they'll

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probably work that that capacity exists

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and so I would think to myself

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like I would try and I would try and put

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myself in that frame so that I wouldn't

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get into the woe is me cycle and think

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all these things I could blame for why

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I'm here right now why isn't this

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working as fast like how is it that

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these guys are making more money than me

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like why don't these people give me the

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respect I deserve blah BL blah blah blah

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blah um and just say like what can I do

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now and then just every hour of every

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day well what can I do now and so it was

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I have to learn how to Market I have to

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learn how to sell I have to I have to go

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to these these groups that where other

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gym owners are and I got to learn their

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stuff I gotta I got to go to these

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seminars I got to save up so I can learn

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some stuff and that's what I did and so

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that's how I got out of it that visual

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of life as this like bloody game of tug

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of war where like most people their

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hands just get too cut to keep holding

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on to the Rope is like it's in it's

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stuck in my head yeah it's that's really

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powerful yeah it was

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tough so I'm

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I'm the first 100 Grand is the hardest

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and I know that that sounds like an

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unfathomable amount of money it took me

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5 years like I get it so

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like you just just have to save it $1 at

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a time like that's like that's what it

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is now obviously I talk about other

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things

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like there are smarter ways to make

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money for sure like if you can sell

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expensive stuff you can just move the

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decimals like I mean like the thing is

play11:43

is it is factually true it is

play11:46

spiritually false and I don't even

play11:47

believe in spirituality in general but

play11:49

like it is it is tough to sell a $10

play11:54

million building and make a million doll

play11:57

commission or a $500,000 Commission

play12:00

when you are broke as it is very

play12:03

like it is like you would have to become

play12:05

a different person which is why most

play12:06

people's first sale is not that but is

play12:09

it technically possible yes a lot of

play12:11

people watch YouTube and the internet

play12:14

for complex money-making skills and they

play12:17

haven't even mastered showing up on time

play12:20

and so it's like they want to go

play12:22

straight to calculous but they don't

play12:23

know how to do simple Edition but the

play12:25

thing is is like simple Edition is

play12:27

foundational to that and none of the

play12:29

other stuff will matter unless you can

play12:31

do the basics but the basics doesn't

play12:33

make them less important usually they're

play12:35

the foundation of building which make

play12:36

them arguably more important they just

play12:39

are simpler to understand but not

play12:41

simpler to do and I think that's the big

play12:43

disconnect a lot of people have is that

play12:45

they think they because they understand

play12:46

something conceptually that they feel

play12:48

like they have already mastered the

play12:49

skill which are two very different

play12:51

things and so one of the most common

play12:54

traits that people who are poor have is

play12:56

that it's always tomorrow and so they

play12:59

never talk about anything in terms of

play13:00

today and so it's about starting

play13:03

tomorrow the diet tomorrow the diet on

play13:04

Monday next year my New Year's

play13:06

resolution it's always it's always

play13:07

pushing off so rather than uh delaying

play13:11

gratification they delay pain and so

play13:14

rather than trying taking pain now for

play13:16

pleasure later they take pleasure now

play13:19

and pain later and so they flip the

play13:21

equation and so they're surprised when

play13:24

today is later from yesterday that

play13:27

they're in pain because because if if

play13:30

last week you were like I'm starting my

play13:33

diet this week then it is now this week

play13:36

and you've delayed the pain to today and

play13:40

that means that the body you have right

play13:41

now is the result of the delayed pain

play13:43

that you are now forcing yourself to

play13:45

endure and

play13:47

so they're somehow surprised when the

play13:50

bill comes due that they pushed off from

play13:53

the past and so the first lesson of

play13:56

getting out of poverty is two words it's

play13:59

my fault it's I have to own that and I

play14:02

think my fault you can kind of

play14:03

extrapolate to right now not like you

play14:06

basically have to own everything that

play14:08

passed to this moment so all the pain

play14:10

that I've gone through all of the

play14:11

Mondays that I've missed all of the

play14:13

diets that I've skipped all of the

play14:14

savings I haven't made all of those are

play14:18

not my dad's fault my mom's fault my

play14:20

circumstances fault the country I was

play14:21

born in Fault the ZIP code any of those

play14:23

things fault it's just mine and the

play14:25

thing is is that people have this belief

play14:27

that because they have a strong argument

play14:29

for why it's something or someone else's

play14:31

fault that that somehow helps

play14:34

them and it just doesn't because

play14:36

whatever you cast blame to is where you

play14:39

also cast power to and so if I say I

play14:44

can't succeed because my mom didn't love

play14:46

me guess who controls me my mom and so

play14:50

if you also like replace my mom with a

play14:54

race a gender a political party whatever

play14:58

the thing like I can't succeed because

play15:00

of Trump's laws I can't succeed because

play15:02

of the radical left because of wokeism

play15:04

because of whatever you actually give

play15:07

that thing more power in your life than

play15:09

you give yourself and so it's completely

play15:12

it the thing is is that and this is

play15:14

what's so deceiving about it is it's

play15:16

very it's very um self-fulfilling is

play15:19

that you get more evidence and you get

play15:20

more confirmation you get more evidence

play15:21

you get more confirmation and the more

play15:23

your life sucks the more you're

play15:24

confirmed that you were right but like

play15:27

do you want to be right about the fact

play15:30

that your life

play15:31

sucks or would you rather like there's

play15:34

there's I think it's an old Zig Ziggler

play15:35

saying he said you can either be right

play15:36

or you can be rich and I mean it's

play15:39

simple but this is what he was getting

play15:40

at is that you can say you know what you

play15:43

are right your dad kicked the out

play15:45

of your whole life and you don't have

play15:46

any confidence because he told you a

play15:47

piece of every day you're

play15:49

right but in order to be rich you need

play15:52

to let that go because every day you say

play15:54

that I'm not successful because of this

play15:56

it means because this now owns you and

play16:00

for me personally that realization that

play16:04

the thing that I hated most in the world

play16:06

the things that I blamed for why my life

play16:09

wasn't the way it was I was their

play16:12

and just realizing that um made me angry

play16:16

but through that anger I was able to say

play16:19

well them like I will succeed

play16:22

despite the fact that my dad said this

play16:24

or my mom said this or Barack Obama said

play16:26

this or Trump said this or the woke left

play16:28

says what

play16:29

despite that despite the fact that the

play16:31

chips are stacked against me I will

play16:34

still win why does saying my fault and

play16:36

taking that accountability begin to set

play16:38

someone down the path of making more

play16:40

money and so if you think about if we

play16:43

think about success in terms of layers

play16:44

like foundations right the the the base

play16:49

level like when you're digging the

play16:50

building where you put the hole and you

play16:52

pour the concrete in the base of the

play16:53

entire thing is who is in power who is

play16:58

source

play16:59

because if it's anything but you in that

play17:01

base layer all of the other things on

play17:04

top of them will topple down it's it's a

play17:07

foundation of sand otherwise you can't

play17:09

build on top of blaming other people

play17:11

there's nothing that stands on it you

play17:13

see like I want to learn sales but I

play17:16

can't learn sales because I didn't get

play17:19

hugged enough as a kid and so I don't

play17:20

like people and so as long as you keep

play17:23

holding on to that you have sand as your

play17:24

foundation but if you want to learn how

play17:26

to sell or you want to learn how to

play17:28

Market or you to learn how to do

play17:29

whatever until you say well it's my

play17:32

fault that I don't know

play17:33

it and because of that it's within my

play17:36

power to change it so it's not sales

play17:40

books it's not it's not reading offers

play17:42

it's not it's not even your books at the

play17:44

at the very beginning you have to accept

play17:45

that which is the first two words my

play17:47

fault my responsibility all me I am

play17:52

source and then once you can accept that

play17:54

one thing and what's crazy is that that

play17:56

one Foundation is where 90% of people

play17:58

literally aren't they're not there they

play18:01

can't do it the reason my girlfriend

play18:04

left me is because of this not me the

play18:06

reason I lost my job is cuz my my

play18:07

employer was a dick my boss sucked

play18:09

whatever the economy like but like it

play18:13

never serves you like give me one

play18:16

instance one example this is to anybody

play18:19

who's listening to this one example of

play18:21

when you blame something else and it

play18:23

made you

play18:25

better one you can't find it because

play18:28

it's fundamentally not true and so you

play18:31

cannot both desire to get better and

play18:34

also maintain blame you have to pick

play18:37

when did this really hit home for you

play18:39

was it when you lost money no when I was

play18:41

19 years old I had to write an essay

play18:44

about uh depression in an intro to site

play18:47

class and I used to I don't talk about

play18:50

mother my mother very much but I used to

play18:51

Har a lot I was an equal I was an equal

play18:54

opportunity angry person I was angry at

play18:55

everybody uh in other words I blamed

play18:58

everyone

play18:59

and so I blamed her for X Y and Z and I

play19:03

remember having to write this essay on

play19:08

depression and you had to do it from

play19:10

someone else's perspective and so you

play19:12

had to say how would they how would the

play19:14

environment and their upbringing things

play19:16

like that contribute

play19:18

to the outcomes in their life and so by

play19:21

writing the essay true or not to be

play19:24

clear about my mother's upbringing and

play19:27

how heart she had as an immigrant coming

play19:29

here getting beat up as a kid getting

play19:30

made up for not being able to speak the

play19:31

language all that kind of stuff and this

play19:33

was in the 50s it's when like it

play19:36

was more accepted to beat up foreigners

play19:38

rather than let them in anyways um so

play19:43

she had a tough time and so it made

play19:45

sense and and when I framed it like that

play19:47

I was like you know maybe she's actually

play19:48

a massive success given where she

play19:52

started and so then I thought to myself

play19:56

now mind you I still wasn't over it but

play19:58

it was in this process that the first

play20:00

thing that happened is when I went back

play20:01

home for fall break or winter break I

play20:04

remember she said something to me which

play20:05

would normally just like be the

play20:06

beginning of some big fight you know you

play20:08

get into these routines like I'll say

play20:09

this thing that we both hate and then

play20:10

we'll just get in a nice fight about it

play20:12

and she said the trigger and I was just

play20:14

like I understand you I'm sorry you went

play20:18

through the stuff you went through and

play20:20

she just like looked completely shocked

play20:23

and then just like started balling and

play20:25

so I was like we're cool like you don't

play20:29

anger me anymore and I think for the

play20:31

most part since then like that's been

play20:32

more or less the dynamic that

play20:35

shifted but leading into that was also

play20:38

the idea that all the

play20:40

relationships that i' had that i' blamed

play20:43

for not working because of the dynamic

play20:45

that I had with my mother I was like I

play20:48

am giving her this power over my love

play20:53

life that's gross and so I was like well

play20:57

I'd rather just say it's on me to change

play21:00

and not have my mom or parents at all

play21:02

involved in my relationships and so that

play21:05

was me taking it's her fault that I

play21:08

can't make these things work I have

play21:10

commitment issues I don't want to get

play21:11

close to people I've been hurt before

play21:13

blah blah blah to like okay well let's

play21:16

take it to the ACT extrem great you're

play21:18

right you'll never be close to anyone

play21:21

you'll never have a relationship that

play21:22

I'll last you're right now

play21:26

what I remember I was out a

play21:29

conference and I had this lady stand up

play21:32

in the crowd and I had just done a thing

play21:35

on like I don't remember what it was

play21:36

called it offers and she stood up and

play21:39

said let me give you six reasons why

play21:41

this isn't going to work for my business

play21:43

and so she went down her list and I was

play21:45

like uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh so I got to

play21:47

the end of the whole thing and um she

play21:49

said and that's why this isn't going to

play21:52

work for my business and I was like

play21:53

you're right you'll never be able to

play21:54

make this work for your business and she

play21:56

looked at me like angry and she lashed

play22:00

back she's like yes I yes I will I'll be

play22:03

able to make this work for my business

play22:04

for this reason this reason and so the

play22:06

thing is is that like if the victim

play22:08

frame is just taken to the Natural

play22:10

extreme you realize that you're right

play22:12

you win the game and by being right the

play22:14

entire team you lose everything and so

play22:17

it's one of these frames that I love Dr

play22:19

cashi says this he says you're 99% right

play22:21

but 100% wrong and what that means is

play22:25

like for example if I every time I bring

play22:28

a girl home and I want my parents

play22:30

approval I bring her home and they say

play22:32

this isn't the one this isn't the one

play22:34

she's not good enough whatever it is

play22:35

every time it's easy for them to say

play22:37

that because every single person you

play22:39

date except for the one you marry they

play22:41

are right on and so they're 99% of the

play22:44

time they're right and they're confirmed

play22:46

by saying that that person that you

play22:47

bring home is not good enough because

play22:49

every time eventually you break up oh

play22:50

it's not going to last this isn't the

play22:52

one it keeps going right but if you keep

play22:54

doing that all the way to the Natural

play22:56

extreme you're 100% wrong because you

play22:58

will be wrong eventually it's the same

play23:01

thing as like I want to start this

play23:02

business it's not going to work it's not

play23:04

going to work the second one will work

play23:05

the fifth one won't work the seventh one

play23:06

work won't work and they're right but

play23:09

they're just wrong on the long enough

play23:11

time Rison because one of them will

play23:12

work and one of the girls or one

play23:15

of the guys that you bring home will be

play23:16

the one that you are going to be with

play23:18

but it's so much safer for them to be

play23:20

right and right and right and you and

play23:23

they

play23:24

get deceived by their short-term

play23:26

rightness that they miss the long-term

play23:28

wrong and we do this to oursel too when

play23:31

you're in the victim frame I don't even

play23:33

like using the victim frame but when

play23:34

you're in the powerless frame you give

play23:35

the power away and you get to be right

play23:38

over that's why it didn't work this

play23:39

didn't work this relationship won't work

play23:41

this job won't work you keep it's not

play23:42

going to work this time either because

play23:43

you get to be right over and over again

play23:44

it makes you feel good in the short term

play23:46

but in the long term you guarantee the

play23:48

loss I think there's also like social

play23:50

reinforcement like we love to complain

play23:52

about the weather it's literally the

play23:54

same thing as never investing like if

play23:57

you want to invest your money right and

play23:58

you like you have all this big pile of

play24:00

savings if you ever invest there's

play24:02

always the possibility that it goes down

play24:04

in the short term it's just the nature

play24:05

of markets in general but if you never

play24:08

invest you guarantee that you will never

play24:10

get rich over the Long Haul and so every

play24:13

day you could make this risk you take a

play24:15

small risk but you guarantee a macro win

play24:18

so you take a small risk today potential

play24:21

for loss today for the guarantee over

play24:22

the long haul that it grows and it makes

play24:24

you money but the flip side is you don't

play24:27

take the small risk of loss today you

play24:29

take the Comfort today for the guarantee

play24:31

that you get the long loss and so so

play24:34

many people flip their life to that same

play24:35

thing is that they have they flip the

play24:38

pleasure for today and they and they

play24:41

they just forget the second half of this

play24:42

which is pain for tomorrow and that

play24:44

today is also yesterday's tomorrow and

play24:47

we're living through the pain that you

play24:49

cast like you own this and until you're

play24:52

like this is my fault them in pain today

play24:54

because of decisions that I put off pain

play24:56

for tomorrow where today is tomorrow

play24:58

when you're broke every dollar means so

play25:01

much to

play25:02

you

play25:04

but and you want to see the dollars in

play25:07

your bank account go up but I never made

play25:10

that my goal I made the amount of money

play25:13

I made every month my goal because I saw

play25:16

that as my like potential energy versus

play25:18

stored energy not to get I mean whatever

play25:21

physics people you get what I'm saying

play25:24

and so I was willing to take that stored

play25:26

energy and reinvested to take $5,000 a

play25:29

month in income to make it $6,000 a

play25:31

month cuz I knew that over a year I was

play25:33

going to make 12 and so if it cost me

play25:34

two to make the 12 in income I would

play25:36

make that trade every time and so

play25:38

whenever I'd save up a small like nut

play25:41

now obviously I've always been pretty

play25:43

good at about spending money like I i' I

play25:45

haven't had that that habit so like

play25:47

again foundations like first it's your

play25:49

fault second spend less than you make

play25:52

third take all of the excess and spend

play25:54

it on making more because if you're

play25:57

making minimum wage I'm GNA say what you

play26:01

probably already know you're not going

play26:03

to get ahead like you're not going to

play26:04

save your way there you're not like

play26:07

everyone loves to tell the story of that

play26:08

one girl at McDonald's but you know they

play26:09

don't tell the other hundred million

play26:11

people who worked at McDonald's over

play26:12

over the world who didn't make it and

play26:14

like the outcome they're talking about

play26:15

is like she made a million over 40 years

play26:18

at working McDonald's like you can shoot

play26:20

for more and so like take the money you

play26:25

make live on nothing and the hard part

play26:27

is just swallowing the Pride for the

play26:28

fact that in the short term everyone's

play26:30

going to be right when they say that

play26:31

you're amounting to nothing and that's

play26:33

the tough part that's the glass that you

play26:35

have to you have to swallow that they

play26:36

have to pull towards you and there's

play26:40

just no other way like you have to learn

play26:42

the skills now I mean to be fair YouTube

play26:45

didn't exist when when I was doing this

play26:49

and like Instagram was like a new

play26:50

platform so like all this stuff like the

play26:53

stuff we have today is crazy like the

play26:54

stack that these videos and this podcast

play26:55

like all the stuff didn't ex like I

play26:56

remember when podcasting came out out

play26:58

like I was already a business owner like

play27:01

none of this stuff existed but at the

play27:03

time I just took all the money I had and

play27:05

I I want to I want to make this point

play27:06

again is that people think that the

play27:08

money is about buying courses and stuff

play27:10

like that and you can like there's

play27:11

nothing wrong with that I've learned a

play27:13

ton from a lot of the stuff that I've

play27:14

bought to be really honest with you but

play27:16

I think that I've always had an amazing

play27:17

return on education because I always did

play27:18

it and I think like I always wanted to

play27:22

be the best student in every class and I

play27:23

was good at school and I and I I just

play27:25

took business as a different another

play27:26

another type of school but part of the

play27:28

expenses that come into like what you

play27:29

take that money for is experiments that

play27:31

fail and so one of the things that

play27:33

happens when you're broke is that you

play27:35

bet on stuff and it doesn't work and

play27:38

people feel like they're back at zero

play27:39

but you're not back at zero you're at

play27:41

where you were plus one experience plus

play27:44

two experiences plus three experiences

play27:45

plus four experience but when you have

play27:46

plus 18 experiences all of a sudden Boop

play27:50

you level up one you get experience

play27:52

points there's a reason in video games

play27:53

call experience points so you didn't

play27:54

trade it for nothing you got an

play27:55

experience point and with enough

play27:57

experience points you get to the Next

play27:58

Level and so I think if you just even

play28:00

thought about it like that it's not a

play28:01

loss but at an experience point it could

play28:02

get it could bridge the gap between your

play28:04

current income level and the income

play28:05

level that you want to get to and then

play28:06

guess what there's more experience point

play28:08

that you have to get there and those

play28:09

experience points also cost more money

play28:12

because when you take a bed in the

play28:13

beginning and when I say it cost money

play28:15

it's like if you run an ad and it

play28:17

doesn't work it costs money if you want

play28:19

to set up a Shopify store or an

play28:21

e-commerce store and you spend 30 40 50

play28:23

bucks a month whatever it costs money um

play28:26

and it does you know like all of the

play28:28

these things cost money to start now

play28:29

mind you it cost a lot less than it did

play28:30

in the 20s when you had to mortgage your

play28:32

house and guarantee that you'd win or

play28:33

you'd lose everything forever um so like

play28:35

the bar hasn't never been lower than it

play28:37

is now but there still is a bar and you

play28:39

have to get over it and I still think

play28:40

that the vast majority of the that

play28:42

people trying to get over has nothing to

play28:44

do with the difficulty of business but

play28:45

the first step the foundation which is

play28:47

it is my fault that I am here and in it

play28:50

being my fault I am the one who can get

play28:52

me out of it it sounds like in that

play28:54

stage three when you start experimenting

play28:56

and investing in that and let's say the

play28:59

kid who has a failed Drop Shipping

play29:00

experiment or starts a school group and

play29:01

they want to win the school games but

play29:03

they don't they measuring stick for

play29:04

whether or not they're doing well

play29:06

shouldn't be how much money they're

play29:07

making or should it like should they be

play29:09

thinking about money at that point

play29:13

or so the wealthiest people I

play29:16

know only think about skills they think

play29:19

about what can I learn and then what can

play29:20

this skill get me and so they will

play29:25

always take any money they can to buy

play29:27

more more

play29:29

skills and in the beginning you have to

play29:32

buy all the skills yourself once you

play29:35

have enough skills that you can generate

play29:36

an excess of income you can start buying

play29:38

other people's lives and what I mean by

play29:40

that is like everything comes down to

play29:41

buying time and so at some point you're

play29:45

10 years into your career and you have a

play29:46

handful of skills but you can buy

play29:48

someone else's 10 years of skills by

play29:50

just paying them to do something too so

play29:51

you don't have to learn all those things

play29:53

and so you do need to get good at stuff

play29:55

and then eventually you generalize to

play29:56

being good at people and that's pretty

play29:57

much always the path for everyone maybe

play30:00

the framing is like a lot of people who

play30:01

are wanting to make more money just

play30:03

don't know what the Avenues are yeah so

play30:06

a lot of people who want to make money

play30:08

don't understand how money is made and

play30:11

so it's made by getting it from someone

play30:13

else and they have to give it to you

play30:15

voluntarily or it's theft and so

play30:18

assuming you don't want to steal then

play30:20

you have to give something to someone

play30:21

else first and then by doing that they

play30:25

give you money in exchange which is why

play30:27

I love capitalism it's voluntary

play30:28

exchange between two parties and both

play30:31

parties say thank you at the end because

play30:32

both parties think they're better off

play30:34

from the trade and so the idea is what

play30:37

you want to be able to do is find

play30:38

something valuable to trade and so you

play30:41

can either trade stuff you can find a

play30:44

place where you can get stuff and then

play30:46

bring it to other people where it's

play30:48

convenient for them so they pay you more

play30:50

than you did when you had to go find it

play30:51

at some back alley cuz you know Suburban

play30:54

mom doesn't want to go into back alley

play30:56

to get X Y and Z but you'll give it to

play30:58

man it sounds like I'm explaining drugs

play31:01

but well there's a reason they make

play31:03

money but anyways point is is that you

play31:05

can sell stuff at a at a margin and a

play31:08

part of that margin is going to be the

play31:09

convenience that you deliver them and

play31:11

either you're selling stuff to someone

play31:12

else manufactures you create your own

play31:13

stuff now if you're starting out you're

play31:14

probably going to sell someone else's

play31:16

stuff and I do think and I I mean I'm

play31:18

saying this right

play31:19

now I do love the concept that the first

play31:23

thing you sell is not the last thing

play31:24

you're going to sell and so learning to

play31:27

sell in and of itself the best way to

play31:28

learn to sell is sell something and

play31:30

that's why uh referral referral uh

play31:33

programs Ambassador programs affiliate

play31:35

programs for different types of

play31:36

businesses almost every business I've

play31:38

ever owned has an affiliate program um

play31:40

it's great to enroll in those I'm not

play31:42

even going to say any of the names of

play31:43

the companies that that we have because

play31:44

I want you like it's not about that I

play31:46

want you to if you can just because then

play31:49

you you only have to figure out one

play31:50

skill like if I just sell someone if I

play31:51

just promote I get paid cool and I can

play31:54

do that over and over again now over

play31:55

time you're like man I want to make more

play31:57

of the nut cool then you just you eat up

play31:59

more of the

play32:00

responsibility so you can either sell

play32:03

stuff or you can sell skills you can SK

play32:07

sell outcomes and so that's where you

play32:09

develop a certain expertise so like in

play32:11

the beginning for me and like the first

play32:12

time this ever like the first money I

play32:15

ever made from a stranger was that I had

play32:17

a lady at the gym it's a real story I

play32:20

was in really good shape I like to think

play32:22

so and she said will you meet me uh and

play32:26

do a nutrition consultation for me and

play32:28

she didn't even say that she said will

play32:29

you help me with my food I think is what

play32:30

she said and I said sure um and so we

play32:34

met at a at a pizza place ironically

play32:36

college no this was after college this

play32:38

is after graduate from college um when I

play32:39

was still consultant so I I went we met

play32:42

at a Pete's Place and I was like okay

play32:46

well what are you currently eating and

play32:47

she was like this and I was like well

play32:49

what do you want to do she's like I'm

play32:50

trying to lose weight and I was like

play32:51

well this is something I eat for

play32:53

breakfast that's less calories than your

play32:54

thing it's pretty good and try this and

play32:55

try this and try this and it took like

play32:57

an hour and then um I had like a notepad

play33:00

and I gave her the notes or whatever and

play33:02

she took out her purse and she wrote

play33:04

$200 on a check and she handed it to me

play33:06

she was like thanks so much and I was

play33:11

like looked I was just like looking at

play33:13

the check looking at her looking at the

play33:14

check looking at her and I was like okay

play33:15

don't act surprised and I was like uh

play33:17

thanks and then she left and I was like

play33:19

holy I was like I just got paid for

play33:22

but like realistically I'd been in at

play33:24

this point I was competing so I'm

play33:26

winning I'm like I had a state record at

play33:27

that point I was in I was in shape you

play33:28

know what I mean um and I think she knew

play33:31

I was a state record holder cuz the gym

play33:33

that I was was powerlifting gym um but I

play33:36

had done some stuff I had gotten some

play33:38

level of authority on some tiny thing

play33:40

and people were like oh can you help me

play33:43

with that too and to be really honest

play33:45

with you my entire life and I'm saying

play33:47

like there's many paths but like my life

play33:49

has been learn something get good at it

play33:53

have evidence that you were good at the

play33:54

thing and then people ask you for help

play33:56

on that thing and so in the beginning

play33:58

people asked me how to get in shape and

play33:59

then I started a business around getting

play34:00

people in shape and then people who had

play34:02

businesses around getting people in

play34:03

shape asked me how I was getting my

play34:05

businesses that were getting people in

play34:06

shape to work and then people who had

play34:08

businesses that were national scale that

play34:10

helped people in a specific Niche or

play34:11

industry started asking me how I was

play34:13

helping people in a specific nich

play34:14

industry and then people who had really

play34:16

big businesses just started asking me

play34:17

how did you get a really big business

play34:18

and so like my entire life's been simply

play34:21

doing as hard as I could to get

play34:23

good at something and then do it enough

play34:25

times and to be really like very clear

play34:27

with you every time I did it it was not

play34:29

to move on to the next step it was to

play34:31

just get good at the thing and then by

play34:33

getting good at the thing people asked

play34:35

me about it and so it wasn't like I lost

play34:37

10 pounds and then tried to start

play34:38

selling you know weight loss advice I

play34:41

had multiple State records and I

play34:44

like I looked good you know what I mean

play34:46

like I was in very good shape and then

play34:49

people started asking me about it and

play34:50

then I didn't have one gym and start

play34:53

telling people hey here's how you run a

play34:54

gy I had six gyms by the time I was 26

play34:57

and and then people were like okay

play34:58

you're 26 and you have six gyms and you

play34:59

did all cash flow like you're doing

play35:01

something right and then people started

play35:04

asking me about the stuff and then and

play35:06

then when I had the licensing business

play35:07

doing 4 million a month people who had

play35:09

other bigger businesses were doing a

play35:11

million a month or 500,000 a month like

play35:12

how do you get to 4 million a month and

play35:14

I was like well this is what I did and

play35:15

so like I've just tried to figure it out

play35:18

and it's it's like the path has always

play35:20

been revealed as I took more steps and

play35:22

so I think a big fallacy in the early on

play35:24

days is trying to think that you're

play35:25

going to figure out the entire path

play35:26

before you even take the First Step it's

play35:28

just not true I was going to ask how

play35:31

important is it for someone to have that

play35:32

moment with the check where they just

play35:33

make their first I mean in some ways I

play35:36

think it's everything in other ways it's

play35:37

nothing like one of the cool um

play35:39

Shameless plug for school the

play35:42

um 3.44% of people who finished their

play35:45

first month of school make their first

play35:46

dollar online and that's like so

play35:51

like like that's why we do it you know

play35:53

what I mean like I know how hard that

play35:56

first dollar is like there's there's so

play35:58

much to get the first dollar across the

play35:59

because the second dollar comes so much

play36:00

faster after that um that I mean that's

play36:04

why that's why I invest in the company

play36:05

that's why I'm so adamant about it but

play36:08

um anyways the the point is is that yes

play36:12

I think having the first dollar get

play36:14

across is very important but if you can

play36:17

reframe it from that experience points

play36:18

perspective that there's there's there's

play36:20

probably three levels before that you

play36:21

have to like level one is that you have

play36:23

to understand that it's my fault level

play36:25

two is that you have to use what you

play36:27

have not what you wish you had to get to

play36:29

where you want to go and where you want

play36:31

to go isn't 100 steps forward it's just

play36:33

the next step and so like I don't think

play36:35

that anger drives me as much as it used

play36:38

to but it was everything that I had when

play36:41

I started and so if I had listen to the

play36:44

positivity Mantra when I started I never

play36:46

would have gotten going because nothing

play36:47

made me feel happy and so they were like

play36:50

follow your passion and I was like my

play36:52

passion is to not be poor and to not be

play36:55

here in Baltimore that's my passion is

play36:57

not be here and so that's what drove me

play37:01

and so I think that it just needs to be

play37:03

restated that

play37:04

like is that the goal sure but is that

play37:08

necessary to start no it's not and so I

play37:12

can tell you that even when I was angry

play37:15

um and getting through that making more

play37:17

money did make my life better like I had

play37:19

more ability to deal with inconveniences

play37:22

hassles health issues from family

play37:23

members that I had to putot the bill for

play37:25

like all these things like money can

play37:27

provide value and so um I'll say this

play37:30

thing that a mentor told me he said

play37:32

money does not buy happiness but it can

play37:33

help you avoid

play37:35

pain and so like I think that there's

play37:38

nothing wrong with getting with making

play37:40

money obviously I like doing it um but I

play37:44

just

play37:45

hate the people who espouse that you

play37:48

have to feel a certain way to win or

play37:52

that or that winning when you are angry

play37:55

or sad or in pain or shame

play37:57

is somehow wrong and so I just like you

play38:01

have to meet success where you're at and

play38:03

the first step you have to take out of

play38:04

anger and the next step you have to take

play38:06

out of sadness and the next one you have

play38:07

to take out of Shame and use that to to

play38:09

propel yourself forward all that matters

play38:11

you take the

play38:12

step and one of the things that I always

play38:14

like is for a very long time I didn't

play38:16

consider myself a good person I mean I

play38:17

still probably don't but um in terms of

play38:20

like I I always identified with the

play38:22

villain um and the oppressor in most

play38:25

scenarios which is bad but anyways but I

play38:29

there's a point to this is that I never

play38:33

thought that I

play38:34

deserved the good life I never thought I

play38:36

didn't think I deserve the happy ending

play38:38

I put it that way and

play38:42

so the thing that got me through that

play38:45

was the idea and this felt like honestly

play38:46

like gaming the system so like from the

play38:49

evil side was that I could still get the

play38:53

good guys ending if I just did the thing

play38:56

that they do to get the ending so I

play38:59

didn't have to do it with pure

play39:01

intentions I didn't have to do it as a

play39:03

great guy but if I just still did the

play39:06

things I could still get the getting and

play39:09

I think for me that that realization has

play39:12

been why my ruthless focus on like what

play39:14

did you do and to everyone who listens

play39:16

to my stuff like it's like great throw

play39:19

the emotions out throw the spiritual

play39:21

energy vibrations out what do you

play39:24

do patience is just figuring out what to

play39:27

do do in the meantime like courage is

play39:30

acting as though you weren't afraid like

play39:33

like what do you do and then eliminating

play39:35

everything else and then just doing that

play39:37

and then doing whatever mental tricks

play39:38

you have to do which is like there were

play39:39

slaves who work seven days a week so can

play39:41

I like and then

play39:44

alternatively

play39:46

catastrophizing the alternative path

play39:49

which is that if I do not do

play39:51

anything this is what will happen

play39:53

eventually that pain in the future will

play39:55

be my pain today and then actively

play39:57

thinking about what that pain would be

play39:59

like and then seeing if that can make

play40:01

you more uncomfortable than the comfort

play40:02

that you're in and I think I I think

play40:05

Tony Robin says this he says change

play40:07

happens when the pain of staying the

play40:09

same sorry when the pain of change is

play40:11

less than the pain of staying the same

play40:13

and so if you're comfortable and staying

play40:14

the same the point is to make yourself

play40:17

more in pain to get yourself to move and

play40:20

so I think there's a skill in being able

play40:23

to Future pace and think through what

play40:25

pain you're going to go through like if

play40:27

you're like man okay I have gained 5 lb

play40:30

a year and it has been 4 years so I'm 20

play40:32

lb up well if 4 years from now I'm

play40:36

another 20 lbs heavier and Imagining the

play40:39

snide comments at the Holiday party or

play40:42

the if you're a girl the guy who says

play40:44

man she'd be really cute if she lost 40

play40:46

PBS or like even like I'm going girls

play40:50

perspective here a guy who says

play40:52

something that's like

play40:54

um I would be with her but she's just

play40:56

she's just too fast

play40:58

she's just not cute enough and you're

play41:00

like wow that's so Politically Incorrect

play41:02

deal with it it's

play41:05

life but the thing is is like your

play41:07

thoughts don't need to be politically

play41:08

correct they're your thoughts they're no

play41:09

one else's thoughts and so whatever you

play41:11

have to do to get yourself there and for

play41:12

me the idea that a girl that I would

play41:14

want to be with would be like I just

play41:15

don't think he's ambitious enough I

play41:16

don't think he's successful enough like

play41:18

that those ideas killed me and so I

play41:21

never wanted to be denied entry to

play41:22

somewhere because I didn't have these

play41:24

things now do I believe that people

play41:27

should be denying entry no but I also

play41:28

realize that's the way the world is and

play41:30

so you I think you can balance both

play41:32

beliefs like I'd love things to be

play41:33

different but I accept the fact that

play41:34

they're not does this feel like a good

play41:35

argument for getting rid of other broke

play41:37

friends because I bet other broke

play41:38

friends reduce the pain of staying the

play41:40

same a friend who supports you is

play41:43

someone who

play41:45

deliberately decreases the possibility

play41:48

of

play41:49

failure and so if you look at your

play41:52

friends and you ask yourself does this

play41:54

person increase or decrease the

play41:57

possibility of failure with my goal it's

play41:59

very easy to answer that question it's

play42:00

yes or no it's increase or decrease

play42:02

there's no in between do they increase

play42:03

or they decrease my possibility that I

play42:05

get to my goal if the answer is

play42:08

decrease and get rid of them because

play42:11

imagine that you have 100% chance of

play42:13

hitting your goal and you have three

play42:15

friends that have a 30% decrease like

play42:18

you might now have a have a you

play42:20

know whatever third time three is

play42:21

whatever you have 27% chance of hitting

play42:23

your goal now because you have three

play42:24

terrible friends like negative

play42:25

experience yeah yeah they're they're

play42:28

they're it's like getting in video games

play42:31

it's like you've got somebody who's

play42:32

casting like a slow spell on you and

play42:34

you're like moving so slow and you're

play42:35

like weak and like all your all your

play42:37

hits have like half power like a lot of

play42:40

people need to

play42:42

shed friendships but the thing is it's

play42:44

more that they call them friends but

play42:46

they're not really friends they're just

play42:48

there and they're there because they've

play42:50

always been there but not because they

play42:52

should be there but because they're

play42:54

going to help you get to where you want

play42:55

to go they just they're just there they

play42:57

exist they're not going anywhere they

play42:59

don't have goals and they're at a

play43:01

different part of their Journey there's

play43:02

nothing wrong with that but if you're

play43:03

going to start the path of of of

play43:06

drinking glass and starting to to to

play43:08

double time you got to live your life

play43:09

and you got to live tomorrow's life and

play43:10

the next day's life and start dragging

play43:12

that towards you they're going

play43:14

to they're going to be upset about it

play43:18

and so one of the say I recently have

play43:20

that I like a lot which is there are no

play43:23

social obligations only social

play43:25

consequences and the people who want to

play43:28

deliver those consequences often do it

play43:31

by talking to you less and by avoiding

play43:34

you more they try to spend less time

play43:36

with you and talk to you less to punish

play43:38

you for the fact that you missed the

play43:40

party you missed the going out you

play43:41

didn't show up to their wedding you

play43:42

didn't show up to their dogs christening

play43:44

or

play43:45

whatever but the crazy thing is is that

play43:47

if you felt obligated to go then it

play43:50

means you didn't want to go and if mean

play43:54

that means that if you didn't want to go

play43:55

and the punishment of not going is that

play43:57

you don't have to go more in the future

play43:58

because they avoid you and they don't

play44:00

invite you anymore then to me that's a

play44:01

win-win you save time today and you save

play44:04

time tomorrow and I don't understand why

play44:06

people are not willing to deal with that

play44:08

like just looking at what happens rather

play44:10

than whatever emotional noise they make

play44:11

with their face at you like moving past

play44:13

that great you expelled Air at me

play44:15

understood got it but the outcome is you

play44:17

will no longer invite me which is what I

play44:20

want great I feel like we won here and

play44:24

so thinking second and third order

play44:27

outcomes from what happens when I quote

play44:29

break up with this friend or what

play44:31

happens when I offend this friend a lot

play44:33

of times it's you closer to your

play44:35

goal and I've always been okay with that

play44:39

and like if someone if someone

play44:43

like the moment I have seen somebody as

play44:46

decreased in the likely that I hit my

play44:47

goal I am happy to tell them that like I

play44:51

think I think you are not good for me I

play44:54

don't think you help me hit what I want

play44:55

to hit and they' be like well then

play44:57

they'll try and downgrade your goals and

play44:59

say you shouldn't believe this way and

play45:00

then they'll cast their beliefs on you

play45:03

and for me it's like that's amazing that

play45:04

you believe that I don't believe that

play45:06

and I don't really want to believe what

play45:07

you believe because then I would have

play45:08

your life and I certainly don't want

play45:10

that and so like again I I you I I make

play45:13

these tweets about this but it's like if

play45:15

you don't like their life don't listen

play45:16

to what they say like don't take their

play45:18

advice if you don't like what you see

play45:20

and so if everyone around you has a life

play45:24

you don't want then don't listen to any

play45:26

of their advice like again hopefully

play45:28

you're listening to this and you're

play45:29

watching if there's some element of my

play45:31

life or whatever that you find awesome

play45:32

cool then maybe some element of what I

play45:34

can share is helpful for you um but you

play45:37

have to put blinders on because there is

play45:39

a period of time where you and I mean

play45:40

I've said this but you're not going to

play45:42

be successful enough for the next tier

play45:44

of friends but you're too different from

play45:46

the friends that you used to have and so

play45:48

that middle path is very lonely but the

play45:50

good thing about loneliness is you've

play45:51

got time and right now time's what you

play45:53

need because you got to learn stuff you

play45:55

got to get the skills so you can start

play45:56

trading that for more and more money and

play45:57

then you can take the money and trade

play45:58

that for more money but in the beginning

play46:00

you just have time and that's what you

play46:02

have to spend and so if you are broke or

play46:05

you are poor and wish to no longer be

play46:07

broken

play46:10

poor the first is owning the fact that

play46:13

everything that has to do with your life

play46:15

is your

play46:16

fault and a lot of people will reject

play46:18

that and you're right stay poor you're

play46:20

totally right you'll never be successful

play46:22

you're totally right I believe

play46:25

you the next next step is being willing

play46:30

to use what you have rather than what

play46:32

you think you should have or what you

play46:34

wish you had the circumstances the

play46:36

connections the money whatever the

play46:39

passion the purpose the meaning behind

play46:41

the work you can wish for all that stuff

play46:44

but you don't have it so you have to use

play46:45

what you have which could be anger could

play46:47

be shame could be pain

play46:51

whatever and

play46:53

then as soon as you start taking action

play46:55

everyone around you will collapse and

play46:58

try to pull you down and so the only way

<