Show Up for Yourself - A Message for Those Feeling Stuck

Summary

The speaker passionately addresses the unfairness of life, urging viewers to stop expecting it to be equitable. They share personal struggles, including their parents' divorce and financial hardships, to emphasize the importance of self-accountability. The message is clear: despite external circumstances, one's success is determined by their own actions, perseverance, and the courage to face and overcome internal challenges. The speaker advocates for a mindset shift towards self-improvement and taking control of one's destiny.

Takeaways

• 😀 Life isn't always fair, and it's important to stop expecting it to be so and focus on what you can control.
• 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Some people are born into privilege and have opportunities handed to them, but this is not something we can control or change.
• 💪 Taking control of your own life means showing up for yourself every day, regardless of external circumstances.
• 🏠 You can't control your family background or circumstances, but you can control your own actions and decisions.
• 🕒 Discipline and consistency in daily habits like waking up on time, studying, and exercising are within your control and are crucial for personal growth.
• 🚫 Avoid focusing on things you can't control, as it can lead to a victim mentality and prevent you from making progress.
• 🔒 Recognize that often, the only thing holding you back is yourself, and taking accountability is the first step to overcoming obstacles.
• 🏋️‍♂️ Success requires both hard work and smart work; start by working hard to gain the experience needed to work smart.
• 🤔 Be honest with yourself about your efforts and performance, using self-reflection as a tool for improvement.
• 🪞 The 'accountability mirror' concept involves looking at yourself honestly and taking responsibility for your actions and their outcomes.
• 🌐 Everyone has the freedom and opportunities to shape their lives, but it requires personal effort and accountability.

Q & A

What is the main message of the speaker regarding life's fairness?

The speaker emphasizes that life is inherently unfair and one should stop expecting it to be fair. Instead, focus on what one can control and take personal responsibility for one's life.

How does the speaker describe the impact of their parents' divorce on their life?

The speaker describes the parents' divorce as sudden and emotionally devastating, leading to feelings of abandonment, loneliness, and confusion. However, they chose not to use it as an excuse to avoid responsibilities or commitments.

What does the speaker suggest as the first step to overcoming life's challenges?

The speaker suggests taking full accountability for oneself as the first step to overcoming life's challenges. This includes recognizing and controlling one's actions and reactions to life's events.

Why does the speaker criticize the mindset of 'working smart to avoid working hard'?

The speaker criticizes this mindset because they believe that working hard is a necessary precursor to working smart. One must gain experience and learn from failures to understand how to work effectively.

What is the 'accountability mirror' concept mentioned by the speaker?

The 'accountability mirror' is a concept where one looks at themselves honestly in a metaphorical mirror, acknowledging their shortcomings and areas for improvement without sugarcoating or making excuses.

How does the speaker relate their personal hardships to the importance of self-accountability?

The speaker uses their personal hardships, such as their parents' divorce and the emotional trauma that followed, to illustrate the importance of self-accountability. They highlight how overcoming these challenges required them to take responsibility for their own healing and growth.

What is the significance of the Navajo reservation experience mentioned by the speaker?

The Navajo reservation experience is significant because it taught the speaker about gratitude and the joy of living with less. It served as a stark contrast to their own complaints and realization of the opportunities and luxuries they had, prompting a change in perspective.

What role does the speaker believe excuses play in a person's life?

The speaker believes that excuses are a form of self-sabotage, preventing individuals from taking necessary action and holding themselves back from achieving their full potential.

How does the speaker define 'taking massive accountability' for oneself?

Taking massive accountability involves a lifelong process of recognizing and owning one's actions, emotions, and decisions. It includes addressing emotional traumas, committing to self-improvement, and continuously striving to be a better person.

What advice does the speaker give for dealing with emotional trauma?

The speaker advises dealing with emotional trauma head-on by finding healthy outlets such as journaling, meditating, and engaging in self-reflection to understand and heal from past experiences.

What is the speaker's view on the importance of pursuing one's dreams despite life's difficulties?

The speaker strongly advocates for the pursuit of one's dreams regardless of life's difficulties. They believe that the cost of not chasing these dreams and living with regret is far greater than any challenge one might face in the pursuit.

Outlines

00:00

🤔 Embracing Inevitability of Life's Unfairness

The speaker acknowledges the inherent unfairness of life, emphasizing that it's unproductive to expect fairness. They discuss the disparity between those born into privilege and their own background as a child of immigrants, highlighting the importance of focusing on controllable aspects of life, such as personal effort and self-improvement. The speaker encourages viewers to take responsibility for their actions and attitudes, rather than blaming external factors or feeling like victims. They stress the importance of hard work and self-accountability as the key to overcoming personal limitations and achieving one's goals.

05:00

🏋️‍♂️ The Necessity of Hard Work Over Excuses

The speaker criticizes the mindset of seeking shortcuts and avoiding hard work, using the example of people who aspire to 'work smart' without understanding that hard work is a prerequisite for smart work. They argue that it's essential to put in the effort first and learn from failures before one can effectively work smart. The speaker also addresses the tendency to make excuses for oneself while being quick to blame external factors for setbacks. They introduce the concept of the 'accountability mirror' from David Goggins, which involves being brutally honest with oneself about one's actions and shortcomings, as a tool for personal growth and transformation.

10:01

💔 Overcoming Personal Adversity Through Accountability

The speaker shares a deeply personal story about their parents' divorce during their eighth-grade year, which led to a significant emotional upheaval and a period of separation from their mother. Despite the turmoil, they chose not to use their situation as an excuse to shirk responsibilities or commitments. Instead, they took full accountability for their actions and emotions, recognizing the importance of dealing with emotional trauma head-on. The speaker emphasizes the value of self-reflection and the lifelong process of taking accountability for personal growth and healing.

15:02

🌟 Pursuing Dreams Amidst Life's Challenges

The speaker encourages viewers to pursue their dreams and callings despite life's hardships, using their own experiences to illustrate the importance of perseverance and self-accountability. They highlight the contrast between the privileges many have and the hardships faced by others, such as during their missionary work on the Navajo reservation, to underscore the need for gratitude and the pursuit of purpose over societal expectations. The speaker calls for a wake-up call to identify one's purpose and to live in pursuit of it, regardless of the challenges faced.

20:03

🛣️ The Price of Regret Versus the Pursuit of Dreams

In the final paragraph, the speaker reflects on the cost of not pursuing one's dreams and the potential regret that comes with it. They stress that the sacrifices made in the pursuit of one's aspirations are far less than the pain of regret that could be felt later in life. The speaker urges viewers to consider what is truly important to them, to live in alignment with their values, and to continuously strive for improvement, regardless of the difficulties encountered along the way.

Keywords

💡Accountability

Accountability refers to the responsibility one has for their actions and decisions. In the video's theme, it is the core concept that the speaker emphasizes as the key to personal growth and overcoming life's challenges. The speaker uses the 'accountability mirror' as a metaphor for self-reflection and honesty, urging viewers to take control of their lives and not wait for external factors to change.

💡Fairness

Fairness in the context of the video script addresses the speaker's view that life is inherently unfair and that people should not expect equal opportunities or outcomes. The speaker uses the concept to encourage viewers to focus on what they can control rather than lamenting the unfairness of life, such as the circumstances of one's birth or social status.

💡Control

Control, as discussed in the video, is about the power an individual has over their own life choices and actions. The speaker argues that while external circumstances may be beyond one's control, personal choices like effort, discipline, and attitude are within one's domain. The script mentions controlling one's diet, study habits, and waking up time as examples of taking control.

💡Opportunities

Opportunities in the script are presented as chances or possibilities that arise in life, which may be influenced by one's background or social status. The speaker contrasts those who are 'handed opportunities on a silver platter' with those who must work hard to create their own, emphasizing the importance of personal initiative over reliance on external circumstances.

💡Hard Work

Hard work is a central theme in the video, defined as the dedication and effort put into achieving goals. The speaker criticizes the mindset of seeking shortcuts and emphasizes the necessity of working hard before one can work smart. The script uses phrases like 'working hard' and 'body of work' to illustrate the importance of putting in the effort to achieve success.

💡Self-Worth

Self-worth is the intrinsic value or worth that an individual ascribes to themselves, independent of external validation. The speaker in the video encourages viewers to recognize their own value and to act in ways that reflect this self-worth, such as showing up for oneself and making personal investments in areas like health and education.

💡Victim Mentality

Victim mentality is a mindset where individuals perceive themselves as victims of circumstances beyond their control, often leading to feelings of helplessness or resentment. The speaker warns against adopting this mentality, instead advocating for personal responsibility and action to change one's situation.

💡Emotional Trauma

Emotional trauma refers to the deep emotional wounds or distress that result from significant life events, such as the speaker's parents' divorce. The video script discusses the impact of such trauma on personal growth and the importance of addressing and healing from it as part of taking accountability for one's emotional well-being.

💡Commitment

Commitment in the video is the dedication to fulfilling obligations or responsibilities, even in the face of personal difficulties. The speaker recounts maintaining commitment to school, church activities, and other responsibilities despite the emotional turmoil caused by their parents' divorce, highlighting the importance of perseverance.

💡Gratitude

Gratitude is the feeling of appreciation or thankfulness for what one has, even in the face of adversity. The speaker reflects on the experience of working with the Navajo community, where despite lacking basic necessities, people maintained a spirit of joy and gratitude, teaching the speaker about the importance of appreciating what one has.

💡Regret

Regret in the video script is portrayed as the potential negative outcome of not taking action or pursuing one's goals. The speaker uses the concept of regret as a motivator, urging viewers to take accountability and chase their dreams to avoid the pain of looking back with regret on missed opportunities.

Highlights

Life isn't fair and one should stop expecting it to be so.

Some people have opportunities handed to them, but this is out of one's control.

The speaker acknowledges their parents' immigrant background and the hardships they faced.

Control over one's life is about showing up for oneself every day.

The importance of self-accountability in personal growth and development.

Controlling aspects of life such as waking up on time, studying, and exercising.

The speaker emphasizes that they are an investment worth making in themselves.

A critique of people who focus on things they can't control and play the victim.

The realization that the only thing holding one back is oneself.

The speaker's personal struggles with insecurity and self-accountability.

A discussion on the necessity of working hard before working smart.

The critique of the mindset that seeks to avoid hard work by working smart.

The importance of taking full accountability for oneself in all aspects of life.

The concept of the 'accountability mirror' introduced by David Goggins.

The practice of being brutally honest with oneself to foster growth.

The speaker's personal experience with their parents' divorce and its impact.

The importance of not using personal hardships as an excuse for lack of progress.

The need for emotional healing and addressing past traumas for personal growth.

The power of gratitude and learning from communities with fewer resources.

The call to action for individuals to pursue their dreams and take responsibility for their lives.

The potential cost of regret if one does not take accountability and chase their dreams.

Transcripts

let me break something to you all right

life isn't fair no matter how you slice

it it will never be fair so stop

expecting it to be fair

there will always be people out there

that

come up in perfect households that have

Mom and Dad work incredible jobs and

then they serve them these opportunities

on a silver platter so they don't raise

a finger and their entire lives already

made for them then they post on social

media that they're in Aruba for the 12th

time

I don't know life's not fair

but those things are out of your control

you know I can't control the fact that

my parents are immigrants I can't

control the fact that they never step

foot in a college

nor can I control the fact that they've

always worked tedious and difficult jobs

just for us to get by

I can't control the fact that they got

divorced

hand control

that's what I can control

as simple as that sounds I can control

showing up for myself every single day

because even if I don't matter to anyone

else

no matter how much I feel that way

that the world is against me

I matter to me

I can control that

I could control waking up at a certain

time each day

I can control studying another hour

I can control running another mile I

could control staying strict with my

diet

I can control those things you see

because I'm

an investment worth making

I've told myself that

and so every single day is showcasing to

myself that I really do matter

that's what you can control

okay and some of you guys won't even

control that some of you guys are

wasting your time and energy focused on

things that you can't control and then

you whine and act like a victim and

saying I can never get

to where I want to be in life because if

X Y and Z when reality the only thing

holding you back is you

it's you it's me the only thing that was

always holding me back was not the fact

that my parents didn't come for money

that I looked different from everyone

growing up no it was because I was

insecure

it's because I felt guilt

it's because I would hold every other

person

in the world accountable but when it

came to me I gave myself a pass

I was holding me back

and

I think this is probably my biggest pet

peeve

I get these people like

let me give you a little bit of context

on me my parents could never afford to

live in the neighborhoods that we lived

at but they made some poor financial

decisions so that

we were always living

day by day right

and my parents were always being dead

but they were trying to uphold us a

lifestyle that we couldn't actually keep

up with and so while it looked like we

were all good we weren't good I promise

you that

but I grew up in a community that was

very well off and

man you would hear this all the time

this is my biggest pet peeve it's oh I'm

trying to figure out how to work smart

so I don't have to work hard

what are you

are you honestly are you

because I don't buy it for a second

yes I do believe that working smart

is absolutely

a necessity once you figure out how to

work smart but you got to work hard you

got to get enough body of work enough

experience failing to be able to know

how to work smart right rather than

sitting there with their hands behind

your back and just waiting for

opportunities on your lap and you're

like oh no I'm not gonna pursue this

because I'm gonna try and figure out how

to work smart

it is

outrageous okay

you have to work hard you have to work

hard you've got to stop getting this

mindset of

oh I'm gonna figure out how to work

smart and then I work hard work hard

first

and then figure out how to work smart

after that and then once you put those

in combination then yeah you'll become a

Powerhouse but stop running away from

hard work just because you're making all

these excuses in your own mind you are

holding yourself back you want to

exercise your freedom on the world but

you don't want to exercise it on

yourself you are so quick the moment the

world tells you that you can't do

something to shut it down but you won't

say anything to you when you're not

doing what you're supposed to be doing

you'll give yourself every excuse in the

book so let yourself feel good about you

you will say oh it's been a long week oh

I haven't had much sleep oh it's been

really stressful for me oh I'm going

through a breakup oh I deserve this rest

but let the government do that to you

let your school or let your employer do

that to you then you are irate then you

are pissed off then you are losing sleep

then you are outraged to the point that

you are getting people to sign your

petitions you are straight up infuriated

right yes yes that's a good thing fight

for the things that you believe in but

can we please can we please let those

beliefs include you your life will

change forever the moment you start

taking full accountability for yourself

I can promise you that and so if you

take nothing away from this video

whatsoever please remember that one

point it is so important I've been

listening to this speaker a lot recently

his name is David Goggins and his books

have now become some of my favorites of

all time and he speaks on this concept

called the accountability mirror and

it's one in which I've been applying to

my life on a daily basis and it has

completely transformed the way that I

approach everything

the premise is you look at yourself in a

mirror and you are brutally honest with

everything that you see it's not about

sugar coating it's not about saving your

feelings it's all about recognizing the

fact that this is your life that you

must start taking control and stop

waiting on someone to come and try and

save your life because it ain't

happening right and so if I was to

reenact this

and we use my hand here as a mirror it

would look something along the lines of

this

June your presentation was absolutely

horrendous today

the audience was disengaged this entire

time you forgot a few of your main

points and that made you stumble across

multiple slides and it would

continuously bleed in to the subsequent

topics and the whole thing was a mess

and it wasn't because the presentation

was hard in and of itself it was because

you were so overly confident about it

you thought that this was going to be so

easy that you could skip those practices

you could skip those rehearsals that you

normally would do and that put you in a

position to fail and you failed

miserably June you took off a lot of

sets in the gym today you certainly

didn't give it your full effort you were

acting like things were a lot harder

than they actually were because you

wanted to leave earlier June you didn't

give it your 100 and now you are feeling

guilty about it

June you didn't get a good grade on your

exam again similar to that presentation

not because it was difficult in and of

itself not because of that excuse in

which you told everyone else but in

reality you didn't try hard enough do

better and

I understand that might sound cheesy or

cliche or cringy to you even and it

might seem useless but I can promise you

it's quite the opposite it is empowering

and it is necessary because if you don't

ever take the time to intentionally be

real with yourself you will continue to

live this disillusioned life that

everything is okay and that you are the

victim and that you have no control over

the things that happen in your life and

by the time when you are 50 and some

chaotic thing happen in your life some

crisis happened and it wakes you up from

that nightmare you're gonna recognize

the fact that it's a little bit too late

right now you have the responsibility to

look at yourself in this accountability

mirror and

take responsibility for everything and

that is the first step for you to

actually build the lifestyle that you've

always dreamed of it's not going to be

handed to you it's not going to be

gifted to you again life isn't fair you

don't have parents they're gonna hand it

to you on a silver platter it's your

responsibility go out there and take it

and I know that you can let me tell you

a story and this is one in which is dear

to my heart and very personal to me

because it has to do with my parents

divorce but I want to share it with all

of you because one I trust you guys and

I believe this is a family that we've

created together and I am so honored to

have it and number two I believe it's

necessary

I want to be as transparent as possible

every opportunity that I get because I

need you to see the things that I'm

telling you aren't just pulled from thin

air

no these are real experiences that I

went through these are real painful

hardships that I had to overcome but it

was in the process of overcoming those

seemingly unbearable hardships at the

time

that I've learned so many of the things

that have enabled me to be the person

that I am today

and I hope that as I share these

vulnerable moments with you in my past

that you can learn and take away certain

things and apply it to your life without

having to experience the same things

because I don't waste that on anyone so

let's get right into it my parents

divorced when I was in eighth grade I

like to say and

I've always been close to both of them

but at that age I was particularly close

with my mom and the reason for that

was because my dad had always worked

12-hour shifts but my brother my sister

were then at the ages in which they had

responsibilities outside of the house

they had clubs or sports or just hanging

out with their friends on the weekends

because they're much older than I

and so they spent a majority of their

time outside of the house whereas I was

in the house with my mom and my mom

didn't work

um after she had gone through some

surgeries and

she also never had her license while I

was also in the house because I was too

young to have my license so we spent a

ton of time together so we were really

close it was a big part of everything

that I did and when I tell you that my

parents divorce was sudden I don't know

how better to describe that

to save you all the minute details

basically overnight my mom had moved to

a different country permanently and I

had lost contact with her for three and

a half years straight

overnight did I mention that

if that sounds bizarre it's because it

was it was

a whirlwind of emotions at that time

I felt abandoned broken lonely I felt

guilty I felt sad I felt terrified

and

what made matters worse was it wasn't

that I was just missing my mom but to

see your dad go through something like

that was heartbreaking because your

dad's supposed to be your hero growing

up you never see him break down but he

had the hardest years of his life during

that three and a half years he didn't

really recover

that quickly

and so

I was having to deal with the absence of

my mother

deal with my dad going through a really

tough time

but

add another element to this I was so

confused

my sister and my dad in hopes to protect

me

didn't tell me much at all didn't tell

me what was happening behind the scenes

and didn't really tell me all the

details and so

me

being that young I was just lost

altogether in life and I had to grow up

really quickly

the funny thing is

I never used that as an excuse

not one time

register my brain to utilize it as an

excuse

I think it would have made a ton of

sense if I stayed home

for a few days I think it would have

made sense for me to

skip practices what made sense for me to

skip events

at that time I was a club leader

I was

leading at my church but I didn't take

off at all for any of these

responsibilities because I knew I'd made

a commitment and if my parents had ever

taught me anything when I was growing up

it was the idea that you stay committed

to something long after the emotions in

which you originally set them in have

subsided and now even though I could

utilize my parents

divorce as an excuse for me to take some

time off

I didn't

and I didn't even tell anyone I didn't

want sympathy from people I knew that

it was a big moment in my life

I also knew that I needed to take full

accountability of where I was in that

current moment mentally physically and

spiritually and I was also accountable

for me getting out of it does that make

sense if I was in that situation just

waiting for someone to come and save me

I don't think it would have ever

happened right like I don't think I

would be in the place that I am today in

fact I know that I wouldn't be right I

had to still excel in school to be able

to get all the experiences and the

opportunities that I was able to get in

high school and then in college

I had to work twice as hard because now

I had to do a lot of what my mom used to

do in my life like packed my lunches and

make my breakfast and things of that

nature

but at an early age

in the most heartbreaking years of my

life

I still wanted to

remain accountable for me and taking

accountability didn't mean just putting

my head down and pressing forward

without dealing with any of the inner

work that was required for me to fully

heal at that age I just didn't know how

to do it but once I matured and realized

years down the line that

I was being held back by this emotional

trauma that I went through that I never

addressed it was then when I looked at

myself in what I now call the

accountability mirror

and said

you are not where you're supposed to be

at because you never dealt with this

emotionally so you need to deal with it

you need to deal with it head on you

need to figure out how to journal you

need to figure out how to meditate you

need to figure out how to get in touch

with your inner dialogue and it was very

uncomfortable it was really hard but I

knew it was necessary because that was

another aspect of me taking

accountability right and so it's not

going to be just a one year two year

three year process it's a lifelong

process of always trying to figure out

ways to take massive accountability for

yourself in ways that you didn't even

notice that you could take

accountability prior now you know and so

you better take accountability right

and I believe that everyone needs to

have that type of

accountability for their lives because

life is hard and it sucks and it feels

like a never-ending painful

Quest and I know how defeating that can

feel

but

you must take it in stride you must

learn how to extract the positives out

of it to build on the things that were

good and to work on the things that

weren't good and figure out how you can

be a better human being tomorrow than

you were today it's all part of it but

it's not easy

but I need you to understand that

all of this is about showing up for

yourself it's about recognizing the fact

that you got dreams that you got

callings that you have

A Life That's ahead of you that

you should be pursuing but you

constantly ignore

that calling because you don't think

you're good enough you think that

because life has treated you a certain

way that you're not deserving of it

no you are deserving of it you need to

go out and chase after it and try and

attack it with full force because the

only thing holding you back is you take

a step back and look at where we are a

majority of us are here in the United

States but even if you're not here

you're most likely in a country that has

all these freedoms and opportunities

that most of the world couldn't even

dream to have

and we have all these tools available to

us whether it's in us or around us to

handle the challenges that life hands

our way in a manner that is much more

convenient again than the majority of

the world

and I think about this all the time I

did missionary work at a Navajo

reservation and they didn't have access

to running water nor electricity nor

access to the Basic Essentials or

medications even

and they live the life with so much joy

and it was one of the coolest

experiences that I've ever had because I

learned so much I learned what it meant

to actually live life with gratitude

and their spirit

can't describe it in words but

touched me in a way that really opened

my eyes because here I was that had all

these great opportunities that had all

the luxuries that life could ever offer

and I was complaining way more than they

were I was the one pointing fingers at

everyone else and trying to blame people

for where I was rather than taking

accountability you see we have so much

that we could

utilize to our advantage and again use

it for good so I urge you to do so I

hope that this can be a wake-up call to

figure out what is your purpose what's

important to you not what Society tells

you is important

it could continue to live every day in

pursuit of that and whether you fail or

succeed that day is not the goal but the

goal is to stay in that process no

matter how hard it gets because I

promise you even if the cost of winning

even if the cost of chasing your dreams

seems to be too much I guarantee you it

will never be as much as the price of

regret