How Bea Borres Forgave Her Brother For What He Did | Toni Talks

Summary

In this emotional interview, Bea opens up about her tumultuous childhood marked by parental abuse and neglect, with both parents suffering from bipolar disorder. She recounts her journey from rebellion to forgiveness, especially after her older brother's betrayal. The conversation takes a poignant turn when discussing the loss of both parents within five months, leaving her grappling with grief and questioning her faith. Despite the pain, Bea finds solace in her family and a newfound appreciation for life, seeking acceptance and growth from her experiences.

Takeaways

• 👋 The conversation starts with a friendly greeting and a shared observation about wearing white.
• 😢 The interviewee expresses disappointment with God due to her family's struggles with mental health and physical abuse.
• 🏠 She describes a challenging childhood marked by a dysfunctional family environment and strict parenting.
• 🤕 There was physical abuse from both parents, with the mother having bipolar disorder and the father being overly protective.
• 👦 The interviewee's older brother also has bipolar disorder and engaged in inappropriate behavior, including secretly filming her.
• 📱 She discovered the video on her brother's phone and confronted him, leading to family conflict and her brother's temporary absence.
• 💔 The interviewee experienced the loss of both parents within five months of each other, which deeply affected her.
• 😥 She struggled with feelings of disappointment and questions about God's role in allowing such pain and loss.
• 💪 Despite the hardships, she found strength in her faith and began to heal through love and forgiveness.
• 🏆 The interviewee channeled her grief into her studies, achieving academic success as a promise to her father.

Q & A

What was the guest's relationship with her parents growing up?

The guest's relationship with her parents was very dysfunctional. She experienced physical abuse from her mother, who was diagnosed with bipolar depression, and her father. There was also a constant state of fighting between her parents.

How did the guest's older brother also contribute to a challenging upbringing?

The guest's older brother, who was also bipolar, took a video of her while she was naked and sent it to his friends. He also touched her inappropriately, causing her significant distress.

What was the guest's experience with relationships prior to the interview?

The guest experienced all of her past relationships as unhealthy, where she was cheated on and financially supported her partners despite being mistreated.

How did the guest's mother's bipolar disorder manifest?

The guest's mother would lash out and physically hurt the children. She would snap and then be okay the next minute, behaving as if she were two different persons.

What was the guest's reaction when she found out about her brother's actions?

The guest was outraged and confronted her brother. The family was also upset, but she decided against pressing charges, suggesting instead that he should get help.

How did the guest handle the loss of both her parents within five months of each other?

The guest did not handle the loss well, avoiding anything that reminded her of her parents. She turned her father's death into motivation to succeed academically, but her mother's death shattered her world.

What was the guest's strategy for coping with the trauma of her past?

The guest is learning to live with the pain and is seeking acceptance of her parents' passing. She is also considering therapy to help her process her experiences.

How did the guest's childhood experiences affect her view of love and relationships?

The guest's childhood experiences led her to crave love and settle for less in relationships. She is now focusing on self-love and giving love to her family.

What was the significance of the guest bringing pictures of her parents to the interview?

The guest brought pictures of her parents to the interview as a way to keep their memory alive and to show respect and love for them despite the difficult past.

What was the guest's emotional state during the interview?

The guest was emotional during the interview, expressing sadness, frustration, and love. She cried tears of joy when talking about her current happiness and her family.

What did the guest learn from her experiences that she wants her followers to know?

The guest wants her followers to know that she has been through a lot growing up and that she is learning to live with her past to grow and heal.

Outlines

00:00

😔 Struggles and Resilience

The conversation begins with a candid discussion about the challenges faced by Bea, including her family's history of mental health issues and the physical abuse she experienced from her parents. Bea shares her feelings of disappointment with God and her journey of self-discovery through a vision board that includes aspirations like 'Toni Talks'. She expresses her desire for viewers to understand her difficult upbringing, which was marked by a lack of emotional support and love from her parents, despite their financial provision. Bea also recounts the traumatic experience of her brother secretly filming her while she was bathing and the subsequent emotional turmoil it caused within the family.

05:01

😢 Family Conflicts and Healing

This section delves into the tumultuous relationship Bea had with her parents, particularly the violent fights and her mother's extreme behavior. Bea discusses the dysfunctional family dynamics, including her parents' unhappy marriage and the impact of witnessing such conflict on her and her siblings. The conversation also touches on Bea's realization of the lack of emotional support and guidance in her life, leading to unhealthy relationship patterns. She reveals that all her past relationships were marked by mistreatment, yet she continued to return to them, highlighting a deep-seated desire for love and validation.

10:01

😭 Trauma and Forgiveness

The narrative continues with Bea confronting a deeply personal trauma—her brother's inappropriate behavior towards her. She shares her journey of forgiveness, explaining how she chose not to press charges against him but to seek help instead. Bea's account of her brother's actions and her family's reaction provides insight into the complex emotions surrounding such incidents. The conversation underscores the theme of resilience and the power of forgiveness, as Bea describes how she has come to terms with her past and is now focused on healing and moving forward.

15:03

😢 Loss and Acceptance

In this segment, Bea recounts the sudden and consecutive losses of both her parents within a short period, detailing the emotional turmoil and sense of loss she experienced. She describes her struggle to accept their deaths and the difficulty of not being able to be with them during their final moments. Bea also shares her feelings of disappointment with God and her quest for understanding the purpose behind such suffering. Despite her pain, she expresses a newfound appreciation for life and her family, having realized the importance of love and support within her own family.

20:06

😌 Growth and Self-Love

The final paragraph sees Bea reflecting on her personal growth and the journey towards self-acceptance and self-love. She discusses her past behaviors, such as distancing herself from her family and seeking love externally, and contrasts them with her current focus on family and personal well-being. Bea acknowledges the ongoing process of learning to live with her pain and the steps she is taking towards healing. The conversation concludes with Bea's realization of the importance of acceptance and her commitment to nurturing her relationships with her family, marking a transition from seeking external validation to finding it within herself and her loved ones.

Keywords

💡Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a mental health condition characterized by extreme mood swings that include emotional highs (mania or hypomania) and lows (depression). In the video, the individual discusses their mother's diagnosis of bipolar disorder, which significantly impacted the family dynamics and the individual's upbringing. The term is used to explain the mother's unpredictable and sometimes violent behavior, as well as the broader implications for the family's emotional well-being.

💡Physical Abuse

Physical abuse refers to the use of physical force or violence against someone in a way that causes or has the potential to cause harm. In the transcript, the individual recounts instances of physical abuse by their parents, which left lasting emotional and physical scars. This keyword is central to understanding the trauma and the dysfunctional family environment that the individual grew up in.

💡Trauma

Trauma is a deeply distressing or disturbing experience that can have long-lasting effects on an individual's mental health and emotional well-being. The video script describes the individual's experiences of trauma due to physical abuse and the emotional turmoil caused by their parents' behavior. The concept is integral to understanding the individual's journey towards healing and self-discovery.

💡Manifesting

Manifesting is a practice of using positive thinking and visualization to bring about real-world results. The individual mentions having a vision board, which is a tool used in manifesting, to help realize goals and dreams. This keyword relates to the theme of personal growth and the individual's efforts to overcome their past and create a better future.

💡Dysfunctional Family

A dysfunctional family is one in which conflict, misbehavior, and confusion or other negative patterns of behavior continuously disrupt family roles and the family's ability to function effectively. The script illustrates a dysfunctional family through the constant fighting, physical abuse, and lack of emotional support, which are key elements in understanding the individual's childhood struggles.

💡Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the act of pardoning or ceasing to hold a grudge against someone for a wrong committed. The individual discusses forgiving their brother for a significant transgression, which is a critical part of their healing process. This keyword is essential to understanding the individual's journey towards inner peace and reconciliation with their past.

💡PTSD

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition triggered by a terrifying event, either experiencing it or witnessing it. The individual hints at experiencing PTSD due to the trauma of their upbringing. This keyword is relevant to understanding the long-term psychological effects of the individual's experiences.

💡Love

Love, in the context of the video, refers to the emotional and affectionate connection that ideally exists between family members. The individual expresses a longing for genuine love and the negative impact of its absence during their upbringing. This keyword is central to understanding the individual's emotional journey and their search for fulfillment.

💡Healing

Healing, in this context, refers to the process of recovering from physical, emotional, or psychological wounds. The individual discusses their journey of healing from the trauma of their past, which is a central theme of the video. This keyword encapsulates the individual's growth and the steps they are taking to overcome their experiences.

💡Acceptance

Acceptance is the act of receiving or undertaking something with approval or consent. In the video, the individual is striving to accept the loss of their parents and the circumstances surrounding it. This keyword is integral to understanding the individual's current emotional state and their path towards peace with their past.

💡Closure

Closure, in a psychological sense, is the sense of resolution or the end of a particular period or experience. The individual mentions seeking closure regarding their parents' deaths, which is a significant part of their healing process. This keyword is crucial for understanding the individual's quest for emotional resolution and the desire to move forward.

Highlights

Both individuals are wearing white, creating a connection at the start of the conversation.

The interviewee expresses disappointment with God due to family struggles.

The interviewee's mother is diagnosed with bipolar depression, impacting the family dynamics.

Physical abuse from parents is revealed, highlighting a difficult upbringing.

The interviewee's older brother also suffers from bipolar disorder, adding to family challenges.

A traumatic incident of being filmed naked while bathing is shared.

The interviewee discusses the sudden loss of both parents within five months of each other.

Questions about God's role in allowing suffering are raised.

The interviewee has a vision board including 'Toni Talks', showing aspirations for the future.

A desire to share one's story to educate and inform others is expressed.

The interviewee describes a childhood marked by dysfunction and lack of parental love.

A rebellious phase as a teenager is attributed to strict parenting.

The interviewee discusses the sheltered environment they grew up in, limiting exposure to the outside world.

The interviewee's parents' unhappy marriage and its effects on the family are described.

The interviewee's realization of the impact of their parents' behavior on their own life choices.

The interviewee discusses the unhealthy cycle of seeking love in relationships as a result of an unloving childhood.

A serious betrayal by an older brother, including taking and sharing inappropriate videos, is revealed.

The interviewee's journey towards forgiveness and healing from past traumas.

The interviewee's struggle with the loss of both parents and the search for acceptance and closure.

The interviewee finds happiness and love within themselves and their family after a period of rebellion.

The interviewee's emotional response to discussing their parents' passing and their journey towards acceptance.

Transcripts

-Hi. -Hi.

-Oh, we're both wearing white. -I love it.

Hello.

Hi, Miss Toni, nice to meet you.

Actually, Miss Toni...

I'm a bit disappointed with God.

Your mother was diagnosed...

My mother has bipolar, bipolar depression.

My mom and dad used to hurt us physically.

So, my mother would lash out and physically hurt us.

My older brother was bipolar, too.

It's so hard, Miss Toni.

My brother is bipolar.

My mom is bipolar.

He took a video of me while taking a bath.

Naked?

Yes, I was naked.

My aunt called me.

She said...

"Bea," she said, "Bea, your dad is gone."

They called me again.

They said that my mom passed away.

Why did God allow this?

I found out that you have a vision board.

Yes, oh my gosh.

You do manifesting and such?

Yes, and do you know what's in my vision board?

Believe it or not and I will send Alex a picture so you can see.

Toni Talks was in there and I edited myself in.

Why did you want to share your story?

What do you want the viewers and your followers to know about you?

I want them to know that I have been through so much growing up.

Because people would think that, "She's so lucky."

Maybe I am lucky because I wake up every day not worrying what I'll eat.

In school, I don't have problems like everything was handed to me growing up.

How would you describe your childhood?

It was very dysfunctional.

It's like growing up, I didn't feel love from my parents.

I mean yeah, they're there. They provide for us.

But there's always a fight.

There's always a...

There is something missing. They're always not around.

Your mother was diagnosed...

Yes, my mother was diagnosed with bipolar.

Bipolar depression.

When did you find out about it?

I just found out about it around 2018 or 2019.

So, I just understood it recently, "Oh that's why my mom has this tendencies because she's diagnosed with bipolar."

What are her tendencies before?

She lashes out as if she's two different persons.

As in she shifts in a short period of time.

-She snaps. -Yes, she snaps and then the next minute she's okay.

How does she snap?

My mom and dad hurt us physically.

So, my mom would lash out and hurt us physically.

Like I would go to school with bruises.

Like that, and then...

Even on tapings, I would arrive with big bruises that Blythe couldn't forget.

It was from when my mom dragged me to the stairs.

Were you a rebel as a teenager?

I feel like I did become a rebel because growing up, my parents were very strict.

We're not allowed to go out. We can't commute because my dad was very protective.

So the only friends I had growing up were my school friends.

So, I wasn't really exposed.

-Outside? So you were sheltered? -Yes, me and my siblings were sheltered.

But if you look back, do your parents have a happy marriage?

No, it wasn't a happy marriage.

What did you witness from your parents?

They were constantly fighting in front of us.

-Fighting like screaming at each other? Like that? -Yes.

Actually, what my brother witnessed was worse.

He witnessed how my mom dragged my father's mistress.

-Your mother dragged the mistress? -Yes.

Where? In your house?

My mom was so brave. She came to the mistress' house and caught my dad.

He was there?

One of my mother's shortcomings is that she wants us to witness her violent behavior and we are still kids.

You still cannot process it.

Why was your brother there? In the house of the mistress.

My mom brought him with her.

So he can witness it.

-She brought her son. -Yes.

There fights were extreme. And I think growing up, they get mad at each other so much to the point that they would

point gun at each other, like that. I witnessed that.

-When they fight? -Yes.

What do you do when your parents fight?

We just cry and then the next day, we're okay because they would take us shopping.

That's how it was.

So that's why I feel like I didn't get enough love, because my parents express love through material things.

-Material things. -Yes, material.

So the hurt wasn't cured or processed properly because the marriage was broken.

Yes, actually my parents are not married.

So how was the setup?

Our setup was we live in the same house, sharing one room.

Then my mom gave up just recently. She left before the pandemic.

Because she can't take what my dad is doing.

You know this also serves as a lesson for parents who are watching and listening to the stories of GenZ

We read about that right?

That if you do not heal from your childhood pain and trauma, you will pass it on to your children.

-Yes. -Right?

Because if you are hurt, your tendency is to hurt other people also.

-Hurt people hurt people. -Yes, right?

So that's what you witnessed with your parents.

Because you cannot remember any happy memory?

Yeah, actually if people would ask me when I was young what would be my wish.

"Even if we don't have money, as long as me and my family are happy."

That was my wish and what I always prayed for.

You don't have to be rich as long as mommy and daddy love each other.

-Yes. -The children would be happy.

This is true, right? You can only figure out who your parents are once you become an adult.

Yes, that's true. And the reason why I don't get mad at them because they are first time parents.

And I feel that you would turn out that way when you operate from a place of hurt, right?

Yes.

That's why your mom turned out that way. She was operating from a place of hurt.

-Yeah. -Imagine if she was loved properly.

Yeah, I know.

Imagine if there was so much love given to her by the husband or your dad.

Can you imagine? She will operate from a place of love.

-I know. -And then, she can love the kids properly.

She can show you what true love is.

What love is all about.

And your idea about men when getting into relationship wouldn't be runied.

Yes.

Right? Because the relationships you entered didn't turn out to be good.

Yes, that's right.

Because your vision of men is messed up already.

That's true. And I feel like I was craving for love.

Although I get love from my mom but she loves too much and also hurts me too much.

So it's hard for me to process it all.

So, it was painful for me growing up.

If you don't experience the true kind of love

you will settle for less.

Yes.

When it comes to relationships.

Yes.

So, did you have relationships that you were not treated well?

All of my relationships, Miss Toni.

All of it.

Really? All of your exes?

Yes, all of them.

How did they treat you?

And you're just letting them?

I got cheated on but I still keep coming back.

By cheating you mean he had other girls?

Yes.

And then I pay for our dates.

I also pay for the rent and stuff.

You pay for it?

I'm a martyr when it comes to love, Miss Toni.

Actually, growing up, we didn't get enough guidance.

We don't have enough guidance.

-That's what's lacking. -Yes, as in zero.

And actually, now, I love my older brother so much.

I am so proud of all his small achievements.

But growing up, our relationship wasn't that good.

Because he... I don't know how to say it but...

Was it SA?

He took a video of me while taking a bath.

-Naked? -Yes, naked.

-I wasn't aware. -How old were you?

I think I was 13 or 14.

Were you aware that he's taking a video?

No. And then he took a video of me.

And then he sent it to his friends. I don't know what for. For money?

For I don't know why.

For fun?

For fun? I don't know, Miss Toni. I didn't ask him.

How did you find out that he sent it to his friends?

I saw it while going through his phone. I borrowed his phone.

I was going through his phone since he has games and all.

And then I opened Messenger.

And then I saw it. I couldn't believe it at first but I recognized that it was our bathroom.

And then I saw it, "My God, this is my body."

Then I confronted him, "What's this?"

And he couldn't speak.

Then he said, "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, Bea."

And then I was outraged. I was really mad.

And then my uncle was also mad saying, "Why did you do that to your sister?"

"Why? What did he do to you?"

And he couldn't speak maybe because he realized that what he did was wrong.

And then he left to the point where he made everyone worried of because of what he might do.

Because my older brother is also bipolar.

So, it's so hard, Miss Toni. My brother is bipolar. My mom is bipolar.

It was very challenging growing up.

And then he came back the next day and I just cried it all out.

Actually, now, I'm already okay, Miss Toni. Because I am full of love and forgiveness.

How did you forgive him?

Did he do anything else to you?

I think it's the last but before that, I already saw the signs.

I was just denying it and my mom knew it.

She didn't tolerate it because she told me to keep my distance from my brother.

She was telling me, "Don't wear shorts."

"Don't wear skirts."

Because everytime I wear something short, my brother would secretly take pictures of me.

And while sleeping he would touch me- Oh my God.

He would touch me and I would get mad and tell him, "Oh my God, don't do that!"

-He was touching you inappropriately? -Yes.

How will it stop?

I'm a fighter so I would scream so loud to the point where someone can hear us.

And my brother was lonely growing up.

He was depressed.

Because he's a boy.

Maybe he was craving for female validation.

And I feel like he's taking it all out on me.

And the next day, my brother came back.

And they were asking me.

My family, dad, and mom were asking me.

"Bea, do you want to send your brother to jail?"

Let's go blotter him.

Like that.

I told them, "No. There's no need."

"Let's just have him checked," because I feel like if he's normal and we didn't grow up that way

and we weren't deprived of love, I feel like he wouldn't do that.

Did you talk to your brother about it?

Yes, we talked and---

I feel like I've been holding it.

So, I want it to set free.

Because I love my brother.

And after that incident, that didn't happen again and he made up for it.

Like in ways that he could.

But would you say that you already healed from that?

I think I already healed from that.

But I think I'm still a bit disappointed in him since I don't know what I did for him to do that.

But looking back, I don't feel pain in my chest anymore.

Because before, back when I wasn't okay yet

every time I think about it--- I can't even think about it.

I have chest pains and would shake.

Trauma.

It was really traumatic.

This is what they call PTSD, right?

I think.

Post-traumatic stress disorder.

You know what, Miss Toni?

I never got checked for it.

Maybe you should do therapy too.

I feel like...

Right?

Because talk therapy when you talk about things that happened to you in the past.

It liberates you.

It frees you.

It also gives you a sense of perspective that

"When I talk about it..." you'll have a realization, right?

Yes.

Yes.

"I've done this and now I'm moving forward."

"And this is what I'll do."

That's the purpose of talking about the experience.

It also helps you heal.

But eventually, to fully cope and be whole again.

It needs a step-by-step process to help you.

How did you handle the passing of your mom and dad?

In consecutive years.

Actually, it didn't take a year.

It happened in five months.

Oh my gosh, months.

Five months, Miss Toni.

How did you handle that at a young age?

You lost both of your parents.

I didn't handle it well, Miss Toni.

I didn't face anything that reminds me of my parents.

I didn't face it. I don't want to face it.

So...

How did they tell you that your father had passed?

My dad was hospitalized but it was a normal thing.

So, I became complacent.

"It's fine. There's nothing to worry about."

"It's just another hospitalisation."

The day before, I've been in a video chat with my dad.

And I was showing him what I was baking.

I told him, "Daddy, look, I am baking something."

I told him--- I'm sorry, Miss Toni.

I told him, "Get well soon, okay? You have to try what I baked."

Because my dad knows that I love to bake.

The next day, my aunt called me.

And then she said, "Bea---"

She said, "Bea, your dad is gone already."

Because they were reviving him.

10... 9...

8...

They were already counting down, Miss Toni.

It hurts because it happened thru call.

I wasn't there, and it was COVID season.

So, it was so hard.

And then actually what happened to my mom was so similar.

Same thing happened. I was taping that time.

They called me again.

I was in denial that time.

They told me, "Your mom was sent to the hospital."

"She had a heart attack."

Then I said, "It's nothing to worry about."

And it's only been five months since your dad passed away.

Yeah, yeah.

"It's nothing."

Then same thing happened.

As in it was the same scenario.

Video chat.

10... the same thing.

10, 9, 8.

That was it. They told me that my mom had passed away already.

I just accepted that my dad is gone.

I just turned my dad's death into motivation.

Imagine it happened during finals months, and I made the dean's list because I promised my father.

"Daddy, you now have a daughter in college. I promise you that I will make it to the dean's list."

I accepted what happened to my dad but when my mom passed away, my world shattered.

I said, "I can't take it anymore."

"I can't take it anymore."

I can't take it anymore, Miss Toni.

I feel like the world ended. Like right in front of me.

My world shattered.

What hurts the most is that I wasn't able to see my mom during her last days.

I also didn't see my father. I couldn't hug them on their death bed.

I couldn't be there to tell them, "Mom, please hold on. Dad, please hold on."

I wasn't able to tell them that, Miss Toni.

It really hurts, Miss Toni.

Actually, Miss Toni,

I'm a bit disappointed with God.

During the first time I met you was also the day I opened my heart to God.

When we saw each other in church.

Yes.

Yes, that's the first time that I went to church again.

And even up to now that I've opened up my heart to God, I still have questions.

Like?

Why did they have to go for me to bloom and grow?

How about my siblings?

How about me?

How old were you when your parents passed away?

I was 19, Miss Toni.

So, on the last day, my mom's best friend who's a priest was there.

And then I asked him, "Father, why did God allow this?"

"Why did He have to take my mom, too?"

I kept asking him why.

As in I was so mad, Miss Toni.

Isn't it selfish for me to be happy but they are not here?

Sometimes, it's really hard to understand the world.

Yeah.

"What did I do?"

Yeah.

Right?

You said that right now you are happy.

Yes.

Why are you happy now?

I am happy because my family and I are okay now.

And I am--- I'm happy but I'm crying.

Those are tears of joy.

Because I used to distance myself from my family. I became a rebel.

But now, I love my family so much.

Before, I used to look for love from people but I realized that I am full of love.

So why not just give it to myself and my family?

So every decision I make, I always think of my family.

Because I feel like I wasted so much time when I distanced myself from them.

But in the end, they will be the one to heal me.

If you are looking for love before, what are you looking for in your life right now?

Now, I am looking for acceptance for what happened to my parents.

Because even if it happened 2 years ago, I still cannot accept it yet.

But I'm slowly getting there.

People say that when it happens to you

or something that's very traumatizing.

You cannot forget the pain, you'll just learn how to live with it.

Maybe that's where I am right now. I'm learning to live with the pain in a way where I can grow.

We already met.

I texted Alex after that. I said, "I'm so embarrassing to Miss Toni. I acted as if we were close."

Because when I approached you it's as if we've known each other already.

We met at church.

Yes.

I was in the lobby.

Yes.

And then you called me Ate Tin was it?

Yes.

"Ate Tin!"

And I was like, "Who is this?"

I told you, "Ate Tin, Alex is here already."

Right? And then you said, "Yeah, she's upstairs."

It was so embarrassing. And then after that I realized that---

We are not yet close.

Yes.

-Miss Toni, can we have a picture together? -Of course.

-These are the pictures of your mom and dad. -Yes.

May I see?

In every achievement I have---

-You bring those? -I bring it with me.

I will not forget the time me and my mom watched Starting Over Again.

That was our bonding.

You were too young then.

I was crying that time because my mom was crying too.

And I discovered the word "closure".

How old were you in 2014?

12?

-11? -What?

You were just 12?

-I was crying, Miss Toni. -You already can relate to Starting Over Again?

Yes.