The Importance Of Being Inauthentic: Mark Bowden at TEDxToronto

Summary

In this engaging speech, the speaker explores the power of nonverbal communication and how our brains quickly categorize others as friends, enemies, or potential mates based on evolutionary instincts. He emphasizes the importance of being more 'inauthentic' by consciously choosing to engage with others, even those we are indifferent to, to uncover hidden opportunities and ideas that could change our lives. The speaker encourages the audience to step beyond their natural instincts to connect with others and to actively seek out the brilliance that may be lying dormant in those around them.

Takeaways

• 🧠 The brain makes snap judgments about others based on nonverbal cues like body language and tone of voice.
• 🐉 The 'reptilian brain' or primitive brain is responsible for these quick assessments of whether someone is a friend, enemy, or potential mate.
• 🤝 There are four categories the primitive brain uses to classify people: friend, enemy, potential sexual partner, and indifferent.
• 👫 To be perceived as a friend, one must display behaviors that trigger a positive response in others' primitive brains, such as a genuine smile and open body language.
• 😃 A full smile that builds and sustains over 3 seconds, along with eye contact, can signal friendliness and trustworthiness.
• 😉 The eyebrow flash is a universal signal of recognition and friendliness, indicating that the person is known and liked.
• 🙌 Showing empty hands, or the 'truth plane,' is a nonverbal cue that signifies honesty and the absence of threat.
• 🎭 Authenticity in the speaker's context means acting in a way that is beneficial for the audience, even if it doesn't align with their instinctual feelings.
• 🌐 People are naturally indifferent to most others due to evolutionary programming, focusing primarily on their immediate group.
• 💡 The speaker encourages the audience to be 'inauthentic' by intentionally engaging with others they would otherwise ignore, to uncover potentially life-changing ideas.

Q & A

What is the primary function of the part of the brain mentioned at the beginning of the script?

The part of the brain mentioned, often referred to as the brain stem, R complex, or the Reptilian Brain, is responsible for making snap judgments about everyone around us, determining whether we should approach or retreat based on perceived friendliness or threat.

According to the speaker, what are the four categories the primitive brain uses to classify others?

The four categories the primitive brain uses to classify others are: friend, enemy (predator), potential sexual partner, and indifferent.

How does the speaker describe the process of 'cherry picking' in relation to the neocortex and the brain stem's judgment?

The speaker explains that once the brain stem categorizes someone as a friend, the neocortex, which is more developed and responsible for higher cognitive functions, starts to 'cherry pick' information that supports this categorization, reinforcing the initial judgment.

What is the significance of the 'eyebrow flash' mentioned in the script?

The 'eyebrow flash' is a nonverbal cue that signifies recognition and friendliness. It is a universal signal that can trigger a positive response, suggesting that the person is known and considered a friend or ally.

Why does the speaker emphasize the importance of showing empty hands?

Showing empty hands is a universal signal that indicates the person is unarmed and not a threat. This behavior is linked to our evolutionary past as ground-dwelling mammals, where displaying the vulnerable belly area without weapons was a sign of non-aggression.

What does the speaker suggest is the default stance of humans towards new people they meet?

The speaker suggests that the default stance of humans towards new people they meet is indifference, as we are pre-programmed to be indifferent to the billions of people on the planet we do not know.

Why does the speaker argue for being 'inauthentic' in certain social interactions?

The speaker argues for being 'inauthentic' to overcome our natural instincts of indifference towards strangers. By consciously choosing behaviors that suggest friendliness, we can uncover opportunities and ideas that we might otherwise miss.

What is the main message the speaker wants the audience to take away from his talk?

The main message is to challenge the audience to be more open and approach people they would naturally be indifferent to, as doing so can lead to life-changing opportunities and ideas that would otherwise be missed.

How does the speaker use the concept of 'fight or flight' in relation to nonverbal communication?

The speaker uses the concept of 'fight or flight' to explain how insufficient or ambiguous nonverbal signals can trigger a negative response in the primitive brain, causing it to categorize someone as a potential threat or predator.

What does the speaker mean when he says 'build it and they will come' in the context of authenticity?

The speaker uses the phrase 'build it and they will come' to illustrate that if he were to act in a completely authentic manner, driven by his instinctual feelings, he would not be willing to present in front of a large audience, as it goes against his natural instincts for self-preservation.

Outlines

00:00

🧠 First Impressions and the Brain's Instant Judgements

The speaker begins by highlighting how the audience has already made a snap judgement about him within seconds of his appearance, based on his behavior, body language, and tone of voice. He introduces the concept of evolutionary psychology and the role of the brain stem, also known as the reptilian brain, in making quick assessments about others. The audience's primitive brain categorizes him into one of four groups: friend, enemy, potential sexual partner, or indifferent. The speaker explains how the brain uses minimum specifications based on evolutionary data to decide whether to approach or retreat from a person. He also discusses how the neocortex supports these snap judgements by cherry-picking data that fits the initial categorization.

05:01

💇‍♂️ The Role of Physical Appearance in Initial Judgements

The speaker delves into how physical appearance, such as hair quality, can influence the brain's snap judgements. He explains that good hair can signal a healthy diet and genetic code, which might be attractive for potential mates. He also touches on the concept of 'peacocking', where individuals display bright colors or features to attract attention. The speaker emphasizes that if he does not trigger any of the three categories of friend, enemy, or potential sexual partner, the audience defaults to being indifferent towards him. He stresses the importance of breaking this indifference to deliver his message effectively, as evolutionary psychology suggests that the audience will not pay attention to him otherwise.

10:01

🤝 Nonverbal Cues to Establish Rapport

The speaker discusses various nonverbal cues and behaviors he uses to establish a sense of friendship with the audience. He explains the importance of a genuine smile that builds and sustains over a few seconds, as a quick or half-smile can be misinterpreted as a threat. He also introduces the eyebrow flash, a universal signal of recognition and friendliness. The speaker emphasizes showing empty hands as a sign of coming unarmed, which he refers to as the 'truth plane', indicating honesty and trustworthiness. He encourages the audience to be more 'inauthentic' by using these techniques to connect with others, as it can lead to missed opportunities if they only rely on their instincts.

15:01

🌟 The Power of Connection and Overcoming Indifference

The speaker challenges the audience to look around and recognize that they are designed to be indifferent to most people they meet. He points out that they are more likely to connect with those who are part of their 'tribe' or group. The speaker implores the audience to be more 'inauthentic' by actively seeking out and engaging with those they are indifferent to, as this can lead to life-changing opportunities. He argues that it's not just innate abilities or positions that define a person, but also the conscious choices they make to connect with others, which can lead to discovering more about themselves and their potential.

20:02

🚀 Authenticity vs. 'Inauthentic' Behavior for Greater Good

In the final paragraph, the speaker reflects on the concept of authenticity, suggesting that being 'inauthentic' in the sense of using learned behaviors to connect with others can be more beneficial than strictly adhering to one's natural instincts. He argues that by choosing to act in ways that go beyond personal preferences, individuals can unlock greater potential and make a more significant impact. The speaker concludes with a call to action for the audience to consider the power of their choices and the potential for growth that lies in stepping outside of their comfort zones and connecting with a broader range of people.

Keywords

💡Evolutionary Psychology

Evolutionary psychology is a theoretical approach in psychology that seeks to understand human behavior by considering the evolutionary processes that shaped human nature. In the video, the speaker uses evolutionary psychology to explain how our brains quickly categorize people as friends, enemies, or potential mates based on evolutionary data. This concept is central to understanding why we make snap judgments about others.

💡Neural Architecture

Neural architecture refers to the organization and structure of the nervous system, particularly the brain. The speaker mentions neural architecture to emphasize how our brain's physical structure, influenced by evolution, plays a role in our behavior and decision-making. The 'primitive brain' or 'reptilian brain' is a part of this architecture that makes quick, instinctive judgments.

💡Nonverbal Behavior

Nonverbal behavior encompasses body language, facial expressions, and other physical cues that communicate information. The speaker discusses how our nonverbal behavior, such as tone of voice and body language, is assessed by others within seconds, influencing their perception of us as friends, enemies, or potential mates.

💡Fight or Flight System

The fight or flight system is a physiological response to perceived threats, preparing the body either to confront the threat or to escape from it. The speaker explains how this system can lead to snap judgments about others, categorizing them as potential threats (predators) or non-threats based on limited data.

💡Cherry Picking

Cherry picking is the act of selecting only the data that supports one's preconceived beliefs while ignoring the rest. In the context of the video, the speaker describes how our brains cherry pick information that confirms our initial snap judgments about others, reinforcing these judgments.

💡Authenticity

Authenticity refers to being true to one's own personality, feelings, and beliefs. The speaker challenges the audience to be 'inauthentic' by choosing behaviors that go beyond their natural instincts, suggesting that acting contrary to instinctual indifference can lead to meaningful connections and opportunities.

💡Indifferent

Indifference means a lack of interest or concern. The speaker points out that we are naturally indifferent to most people we encounter, as our brains are pre-programmed to focus on a select few. This keyword is crucial as it sets the stage for the speaker's call to action to be less indifferent and more open to others.

💡Inauthentic Behavior

Inauthentic behavior, as discussed in the video, refers to actions that are not a true reflection of one's feelings or character. The speaker argues that sometimes being inauthentic, such as feigning interest or friendliness, can lead to positive outcomes, such as discovering valuable ideas or connections.

💡Eyebrow Flash

The eyebrow flash is a quick upward movement of the eyebrows that serves as a nonverbal signal of recognition or friendliness. The speaker uses the eyebrow flash as an example of a behavior that can be used to trigger a positive response from others, moving them from indifference to a perception of friendliness.

💡Predator

In the context of the video, a predator refers to someone who is perceived as a threat. The speaker explains how certain behaviors can inadvertently signal 'predator' to our primitive brains, leading to a fight or flight response. Understanding this concept helps to navigate social interactions more effectively.

💡Cherry Picking Data

Cherry picking data is the selective consideration of information that supports a particular viewpoint while ignoring contrary evidence. The speaker uses this term to illustrate how our brains subconsciously seek out and focus on data that confirms our initial judgments about others, which can reinforce stereotypes and biases.

Highlights

People make snap judgments about others based on first impressions.

Evolutionary psychology plays a crucial role in understanding human behavior and nonverbal communication.

The brain stem, or reptilian brain, is responsible for making quick judgments about others.

There are four categories the primitive brain uses to categorize others: friend, enemy, potential sexual partner, and indifferent.

The neocortex cherry-picks data that fits the brain stem's theory about a person.

Nonverbal cues can trigger the brain to categorize someone as a friend, enemy, or potential sexual partner.

The default category for new people we meet is indifference.

Speakers use specific behaviors to trigger the 'friend' category in the audience's brain.

A genuine smile is a universal signal of friendliness.

The duration and build-up of a smile are crucial for it to be perceived as non-threatening.

Eyebrow flash is a universal signal of recognition and friendliness.

Showing empty hands is a universal signal of coming in peace.

Authenticity in communication can be counterproductive if it leads to indifference or hostility.

We should be more 'inauthentic' with each other to uncover hidden opportunities and ideas.

Our innate ideas and abilities are less defining than the conscious choices we make.

Transcripts

[Applause]

so you've already decided whether you

like me or

not and you did that within a fraction

of a second of seeing me you made that

unconscious Choice the moment I walked

on you saw my behavior my body language

my nonverbal behavior my tone of voice

as well that you're hearing now and

there's a part of your brain which uh if

we take Evolution as a given and we're

going to have to take Evolution as a

given during the whole of my speech

because all of my work relies on

evolutionary psychology and behavioral

evolutionary psychology and uh neural

architecture based on Evolution so uh

it's rather like if you play catching

fairies with my daughter Stella uh you

have to believe in fairies or you have

to put on a really good performance that

you believe in Fair is because otherwise

it's just no fun so taking Evolution as

a given there's a part of your brain it

sits right on top of your spine goes up

inside of your head some people call it

the brain stem or the R complex or The

Reptilian Brain or the Primitive brain

and it makes snap judgments about

everybody around it and everybody around

you uses that part of their brain to

make snap judgments about you and based

on Behavior it decides should we

approach this person are they going to

be good for us or should we Retreat

because they're going to be a huge risk

in fact if if I open this idea out a

little bit more there are simply four

categories that your primitive brain has

for everybody else around it so as I

walked on there were four potential

categories for me I came on stage I

start behaving and your primitive brain

says is Mark giving us some minimum

specifications based on 500 million

years of evolutionary data that he's

possibly a friend for us yeah is he

going to supply to us do we see some

signals that give us that gut reaction

that this is going to be good he's a

good person and if if you put me into

that friend category you're now cherry

picking from all the that I've got using

your neocortex which is about 200,000

years old pretty new using that

neocortex cherry-picking all the data

that fits your brain stem's Theory and

assumption about me being a friend okay

now I could come on and you might pick

up some minimum specifications that Mark

is an enemy to me a predator now I'm not

trying to do those but if they

accidentally happened you'd then put me

into predator predator category you do

the retreat treat response instead of

the approach response that you do around

the friend category and then you send a

message all unconsciously all

unconscious choices to your neocortex

saying go and get me all the data that

proves Mark is the enemy to me of course

the neocortex might go hey I don't

really know this guy and he's not really

said very much uh that I can discern so

far so I'll just make up a load of stuff

about him I'll just make up some stories

and some Nar that makes him bad yeah

equally so if I come on and I trigger a

friend with your brain stem you equally

if you can't find any data that makes me

friend you just make up a whole bunch of

stories about me that make me really

good now the third category I come on I

behave and for some reason you think ah

Mark potential sexual partner for

me

so when I do this not usually that much

laughter

okay no look obviously I'm not trying to

get into that category with you my my

wife's over there Tracy's over there

hello Tracy so uh you know not not

trying to get in that category but these

things can happen by accident for

example your brain stem is looking for

things like uh does Mark look a little

bit like me is he like me does look to

be kind of like one of my tribe one of

my group one of my gang one of my

company almost my family but not quite

because you know genetics says that

wouldn't be very very useful for us it

wouldn't play out well so is he like me

is does does his hair look good uh does

it look like it has good mineral content

in it so it's got good color you you're

actually stroking your hair as you're as

I'm talking about this aren't you madam

I can I can read people right from here

yeah don't look coin now don't look Co

nothing happening here Tracy nothing

going on nothing going on nothing going

on so does it look like it has good

mineral content in it and does it have a

shine to it because that would mean

there's probably a good omega-3 fatty

acid diet and therefore I come from a

land where there's good resource and I

look a bit like you so if we were to

mate and there was Offspring well they'd

grow up with good genetic code and in a

land where there's opulence and food

okay that's why we have those

conditioner ads with the little flick of

the hair and all of that yeah um oh

there's also with the with things like

the the the the the the pickup guys

called peacocking which is you know

where you've got you know beautiful

colors that flash yeah again for me this

is just

style so if I come now here's the

important bit here's the important bit

because if I come on and I don't trigger

friend or enemy or potential sexual

partner with you which for those I've

triggered that you might want to start

an orderly queue just turn there

sometimes it goes around the whole block

but that's okay uh if I haven't

triggered those here's the important

thing for us here today you are now

indifferent to me and here's what you're

hearing and your mind is off Imagining

the potential enemies or friends or

sexual partners now there are 7 billion

people on the planet right now what do

you think is the default category for

anybody new that you meet on this

Earth indifferent absolutely you are

pre-programmed to be indifferent to the

7 billion people on this planet right

now and here's my problem I don't know I

don't many of you out here to I mean the

majority there's there's Tracy and

Jennifer over there that's always good

yeah but uh the rest of you that they're

my friends and family but the rest of

you I don't know you don't know me which

means you're designed to be indifferent

to me right now and I have a really

important message for you today but

evolutionary psychology says and

behavioral psychology says that you're

just not going to pay attention to me

unless I can get in the category a

friend with you so that's what I've been

doing all the time I've been on here so

far I've been giving you the signals to

your primitive brain that will trigger

you to cause me to go into friend

category with you and cherry pick from

all the language that I've given you

only the stuff that is good and if you

couldn't find anything good you've been

making it up in your head so I just want

to let you into the secret because I

want you to be able to do this you know

with your friends and family and at work

and wherever you want to do this kind of

thing I think should be free to all so

here's what I've been doing look you

know all this stuff this stuff's easy

the smile okay smile it's a universal

signal across the planet okay it's the

same whatever whatever place you come

from whoever you were born to whether

you're born at the top of a mountain or

down by a lake doesn't matter your

country doesn't matter who your parents

we everybody Smiles the same the muscles

here tighten to pull up the sides of the

lips but that's not

enough

friend enemy or potential sexual

partner for those of you at the back who

are a distance from me you're

indifferent to me right now but these

people down the front in close proximity

almost certainly in personal space or

social space here yeah you are getting

triggered with the minimum

specifications for a predator which is

not the full signal yeah half signal

insufficient data when insufficient data

your PR primitive brain defaults to

negatives I can't do a half smile yeah I

can't do a teethy smile either that's

get out of my territory yeah I bite so I

need to narrow the eyes here which will

cause wrinkles to happen here I can't

flash this signal to you either I can't

just go like

that we know that the smile must build

over 3 seconds and it must sustain for

about 3 seconds otherwise it's

insufficient data and your primitive

brain goes ah Predator it doesn't get

the full signal better be safe than

sorry the fight and flight system would

rather judge me as a predator when I'm

not and behave as if I'm a predator just

to be safe so if I can sustain this and

build this over about 3 seconds narrow

those eyes and get that smile and get

eye contact with some people they'll

smile back at

me yeah there we go good that's good now

what I add to this is called the eyebrow

FL flash okay the

eyebrows flash up in fact sometimes I

sustain it for a long time yeah and this

is a universal signal for I recognize

you I know you you're my friend you're a

friend of the family you can do this

walking down the street you walk down a

street like this and you go

hello and literally it triggers their

primitive brain and they're like oh hey

hey good to meet you when was it we last

yeah no it was last week wasn't it and

yeah how are the kids and and and after

about 5 minutes they're like so where do

I know you're from and you're like you

don't

bye-bye and off you go fantastic you can

try this here's the really important one

here's the really important one is I

show you no tools no weapons empty hands

it's a universal signal okay for I come

unarmed we if Darwin was right we're

descendant from ground dwelling mammals

as the forest of Africa receded during

climate change yeah the planes started

to open up the ground dwelling mammal

decided I will stand upright didn't do

it in a few hours obviously took th

hundreds and thousands of years stood

upright when it stood upright great it

had control of the hands now that's

really useful I can be tactile I can

manipulate the world around me but also

now my belly area with lots of soft

delicate organs in is not protected by

the ground that means under stress I

better protect that and if I'm not under

stress if I'm not a predator and you're

not a Predator then I display this area

to you with no tools no weapons I call

this area the truth plane because this

is where you'll get stimulated and

triggered at an unconscious level to

choose me as being honest and

truthful and good to be around and if I

smile with that as well and raise my

eyebrows you all go Mark could read the

telephone directory to us because you

cherry pick the numbers that you were

thought were great in it now at this

point what people usually start to think

is actually Mark I'm getting a little

bit disappointed

now

yeah

because you're kind of manipulating us

aren't you yeah

and yeah I absolutely

am and you say Mark why can't you be

honest yeah why can't you just be

truthful why can't you just be authentic

with us you know Mark you've got some

great ideas just deliver them how you

like build it and they will come well

I'm telling you they are not going to

show

up they're going to watch Breaking

Bad yeah it's the final episode on

Sunday it's a good

show it's a great show

yeah and here's the

thing if I was

really authentic with you right now and

didn't use the behaviors that I've

learned and become highly skilled in in

order to become a a good speaker around

you if I don't use my counter measures

to the fight andlight system as I'm I've

decided not to do now you'll see I'm not

a good speaker I'm just highly skilled

in

technique in fact if if I were to be

honest about this and authentic with you

and by authentic I

mean that for me authenticity is you

know what's good for you you know what's

bad for you and and you will do what's

good for you and right and feels right

for you at an

instinctual level regardless because you

want to be you you want to be you

regardless of of the prizes or

punishments out there okay if I was

being truly authentic with you I would

not show up for

this I'm not joking that's that's a

reality I wake up in I do this

professionally by the way so I've

already done one of these this morning

for an hour and a half over in Niagara

they put me on after Chris

Hadfield he's a Canadian Spaceman

national hero thank for your programming

I wake up in the morning and I go the

last thing I want to do at an

instinctual gut level is to stand in

front of a bunch of people who I don't

know who I have no data around because I

can't see

them and and put out there my life's

work in front of them for to to for them

to criticize if they want

to that's not what I want to do and when

I start to get that feeling if you you

really want to see the authentic me the

real me because build it and they will

come when I start to get the feeling

that you don't

respect the P has anybody

here has anybody here written three

books on body language and behavior I'll

just answer for you

no so that you should judge me at all is

stupid

on your

part this is the authentic me this is

what I really feel and here's the

reality you're safe here because you've

got this stuff in front of

you but if I came up close and showed

you the real signals of Predator which

are the real signals I want to display

in front of this kind of large

crowd I guarantee you don't like me so

much now do

you

[Applause]

so this stuff works so

well so I choose my behaviors around you

and I'm going to tell you again because

what's coming up for me is a really

important message for you and if I act

authentically honestly in front of you

you're not going to listen to me and I

hope you listen to this because it's

really

important I want you to have a look

around you right now that isn't a piece

of rhetoric I mean actually look around

you right now and turn and look at the

back cuz there's lots of people here

okay there's a lot of you there's about

a thousand of you here here

today understand

this you're designed to be indifferent

to each other you're designed today to

really just hang out with the people

that you came with you'll spot a few

others who are like you your tribal

members yeah oh brilliant yeah nice yeah

great isn't it yeah but you've seen some

people already today and they triggered

predator in you enemy and more important

you know who they are

yeah and you've

also met some people today the majority

here and you don't know who they are

you're indifferent to them and you're

never going to meet them and you've got

a brilliant lifechanging idea for you

your family your your town your city

your world your universe and beyond that

if you've got an intelligence Way Beyond

mine which undoubtedly together you

certainly all

have can't believe I said

that you've got some brilliant ideas and

they've got some brilliant ideas but

you're designed to be indifferent to

each other so I'm asking you today I'm

challenging you and in fact I'm just

going to beg

you okay just going to beg you I need

you to be more inauthentic with each

other

today not just today tomorrow the day

after and for the rest of your life

because if you

don't choose behaviors beyond your

Natural Instincts for what you like and

don't like you will miss brilliant

opportunities in your life and if you

don't go up to somebody today who you

know at a gut level you're indifferent

to they hold nothing for you you your

instinct you've smelled it you've tasted

it you've seen it you've heard it you

know they are nobody if you don't go up

to them

today and act and perform like their

friend and ask them about their big idea

and act and perform like you're

listening you will miss something that

is going to change your

life so I'm begging you you to act

anything else but indifferent to the

people around you

today if I believe we could all be a

little more

inauthentic with each other now and

again we might find that we are so much

more than what we think we

are we might find that we are so so much

more than we actually

are because I truly believe it isn't

your innate ideas or

abilities or behaviors or skills or

position that defines or has to Define

who you really

are it can be the conscious choices that

you make in Sp might of all of

[Applause]

that