STEPHEN COVEY - NEW YORK SUBWAY STORY (Paradigm Shift)
Summary
TLDRThe speaker shares a story about a paradigm shift that occurred while observing a father and his wild children on a subway. Initially irritated, the speaker confronted the father, only to learn that the children had just lost their mother. This revelation led to an immediate change in perspective, replacing irritation with empathy and a desire to help. The speaker explains that true change comes not from altering behavior or attitudes alone, but from shifting one's paradigm—how one sees the world. Once that happens, behavior naturally follows.
Takeaways
- 🚇 The speaker was on a subway in New York where a man with kids was causing a disturbance.
- 👀 The kids were running around, upsetting people, while the father seemed disengaged.
- 😠 The speaker initially felt irritated by the father's lack of control over the children.
- 😟 Upon confronting the father, the speaker learned that the children had just lost their mother.
- 💔 The father's response caused an immediate shift in the speaker's perspective on the situation.
- 🔄 This paradigm shift transformed the speaker's feelings of irritation into empathy and a desire to help.
- 😊 The speaker realized that changing behavior alone (e.g., acting less irritated) wouldn't have had the same impact as the paradigm shift.
- 🧠 The term 'paradigm' is explained as a pattern or way of seeing reality.
- 🔑 The key message is that by changing one’s paradigm, behavior and attitude will automatically change.
- 📖 True change comes from altering the way one perceives a situation, not just modifying actions or attitudes superficially.
Q & A
What is the 'paradigm shift' described in the script?
-The 'paradigm shift' refers to a fundamental change in the way the narrator views the father and his children. Initially, the children were seen as unruly and disruptive, but upon learning that they had just lost their mother, the narrator's perspective shifts, leading to empathy and a desire to help.
Why were the children causing irritation on the subway?
-The children were running around and disturbing passengers, which initially caused frustration for the narrator and others on the subway.
How did the narrator initially react to the situation on the subway?
-The narrator was irritated by the children's behavior and approached the father to suggest he control his children better.
What explanation did the father give for the children's behavior?
-The father explained that they had just come from the hospital, where the children had lost their mother, and neither he nor the children knew how to handle the situation.
How did the narrator's perspective change after learning about the family’s situation?
-Upon learning about the children's loss, the narrator's perspective shifted from irritation to empathy. Instead of feeling annoyed, the narrator wanted to help the father and children cope.
What does the narrator suggest would have been a better approach in handling the situation before knowing the context?
-The narrator suggests that speaking with a better attitude, not showing irritation, and trying to smile could have improved the situation, even without knowing the full context.
What does the narrator mean by 'paradigm' in this context?
-The term 'paradigm' is used to describe a pattern or way of seeing reality. In this case, it refers to the shift in the narrator’s perspective after gaining new information about the father and children’s situation.
What does the narrator imply happens when a paradigm shift occurs?
-The narrator implies that when a paradigm shift occurs, it leads to a spontaneous change in behavior and attitude. For example, after the shift, the narrator wanted to help the family instead of being frustrated.
Why does the narrator emphasize the importance of changing paradigms rather than just behavior?
-The narrator believes that by changing paradigms (how one sees the world), behavior and attitudes will naturally follow. A shift in perspective leads to a deeper, more authentic change in actions.
What lesson does the narrator hope to convey through the story of the subway incident?
-The narrator hopes to convey that our perceptions influence our reactions, and when we change how we see a situation (paradigm shift), we can act with greater empathy, understanding, and compassion.
Outlines
🚇 Encounter on the Subway
The narrator shares a personal experience from a New York subway where a man boarded with his unruly children, causing disturbance among the passengers. The narrator observes the situation with increasing irritation, hoping the children would settle down, but they do not. Eventually, the narrator feels compelled to address the father, questioning his control over his children.
😔 A Heartbreaking Revelation
The father reveals that they are returning from the hospital, where the children have just lost their mother. He admits he doesn’t know how to handle the situation, and neither do the children. This admission profoundly changes the narrator’s perspective on the situation, invoking sympathy and a deeper understanding of the father's struggle.
🤔 The Paradigm Shift
The narrator discusses how learning about the family's loss immediately shifted their attitude, from annoyance to empathy. The change in perception led to a genuine desire to help the father and his children, highlighting how understanding the underlying context can dramatically alter one's feelings and actions.
🔄 Behavior Follows Perspective
The narrator explains that while small efforts to change behavior might help, true and lasting changes come from a shift in perspective, or a 'paradigm shift.' Once the narrator’s understanding of the situation changed, their behavior and attitude adjusted naturally, without conscious effort.
🔍 What is a Paradigm?
The narrator concludes by defining the word 'paradigm,' tracing its origin to the Greek word 'paradigma,' meaning 'pattern.' A paradigm reflects how individuals perceive reality, and changing it can lead to profound transformations in behavior and attitudes.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Paradigm shift
💡Perspective
💡Empathy
💡Behavior
💡Attitude
💡Frame of reference
💡Irritation
💡Compassion
💡Paradigm
💡Reality
Highlights
The speaker describes a scene on a New York subway where children are acting wildly and disturbing people.
The speaker initially expects the children to settle down after a few minutes, but they do not.
The speaker becomes irritated along with other passengers as the children continue to cause disturbance.
The father of the children is described as sitting quietly, not engaging or trying to control them.
The speaker approaches the father, irritated, and suggests that he should control the children better.
The father responds by explaining that they just came from the hospital, where the children lost their mother.
Upon hearing the father’s explanation, the speaker experiences an immediate shift in perspective, or a 'paradigm shift.'
The speaker suddenly feels sympathy for the father and the children after learning about their situation.
The speaker notes that if they had approached the situation with more empathy initially, it could have been handled differently.
The paradigm shift causes the speaker to want to help the father and entertain the children.
The speaker highlights the difference between forcing behavior changes and genuinely changing one’s perspective.
A change in paradigm, or worldview, naturally leads to changes in behavior and attitudes.
The speaker explains that focusing on altering behavior without a shift in perspective is less effective.
The speaker emphasizes that paradigm shifts lead to spontaneous and sincere changes in behavior.
The word 'paradigm' is explained as coming from the Greek word 'paradigma,' meaning 'pattern' or 'how you see reality.'
Transcripts
here's the paradigm shift
um i was on a subway in new york
one man came in with a bunch of little
kids
and they were wild
i thought for sure that they would
settle down after
two or three minutes on the subway but
they were running up and down and
climbing around and really really
upsetting and disturbing people
i was just observing this whole scene
and this continued on so much it became
irritating to people
and i started to feel some irritation
and the father
just kind of sat there
kind of looking around his head was down
a lot of the time
i was kind of annoyed and i went up to
him and i said sir
you know your children are so upsetting
to so many people don't you think you
can control them a little better than
this
and he said
i know
yeah and we've just come from the
hospital and they've just lost their
mother and
they don't know quite how to handle it i
guess and
i don't either i mean
it's always you know
so hard see now
imagine you're in that situation
would you have a paradigm shift
in fact didn't you just have it just now
you see him totally differently don't
you
now what if i'd really tried to just
change my behavior a little
not speak with say irritation in my
voice
or have a little better attitude toward
him see or just smile about it but no
effort
to see it from another frame of
reference see you can see how i can make
a little improvement in the situation
but when a fundamental shift took place
in the way i saw that situation
then i immediately wanted to help him
let me help with the children let me
entertain them or play with them i'm so
sorry about the loss of their
their mother and your wife it's just
so
can you tell me a little about it see
in other words it spontaneously it
sincerely came out of me new behavior
new attitudes
you don't consciously work on behavior
and attitudes what you do is work on
your paradigm
then the behavior and the attitude will
automatically begin to change now
paradigm
is a word that comes from the
greek word paradigma it means
pattern
how you see reality
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