Borderline kadın kontrol edilebilir mi? Cinsellik olmadan ilişki olur mu? (Birkaç güzel soru)

Summary

The transcript delves into the significance of sexual compatibility in relationships, suggesting it's as crucial as any other prerequisite. It humorously illustrates the stark contrast between a relationship with and without it, likening the latter to a 'fare-like' interaction. It touches on the fluctuating nature of desire within relationships, influenced by stress and hormonal changes, advocating for a balanced approach. The discussion shifts to the complexities of 'borderline' relationships, highlighting the fear of abandonment as a driving factor, leading to a cycle of intense emotional manipulation. It concludes with societal perspectives on age-gap relationships, emphasizing the challenges faced by successful men dating younger women and the evolutionary and reproductive aspects influencing attraction.

Takeaways

• 🔗 The importance of sexual compatibility in a relationship is emphasized, suggesting it can either enhance or deteriorate the connection.
• 🚫 Lack of sexual desire can lead to the end of a relationship, highlighting the significance of this aspect in maintaining a bond.
• 🤔 The script discusses the fluctuation of sexual desire, mentioning that it can vary due to stress and hormonal changes.
• 🧐 It suggests an average level of sexual desire is necessary for a healthy relationship, aligning with findings from various studies.
• 💔 The end of a relationship is often linked to the absence of sexual intimacy, as described in the personal anecdote shared.
• 👩‍❤️‍👨 The fear of abandonment is identified as a significant factor in relationships, particularly with individuals who have borderline personality traits.
• 🔄 There is a cycle of emotional manipulation in relationships where one partner may use 'love bombing' to keep the other dependent.
• 👴 The societal pressure and expectations on men to be with younger women are critiqued, suggesting it can lead to unhealthy dynamics.
• 👥 The script touches on the societal disapproval of non-normative relationships, such as older men with younger women, and the challenges they face.
• 🌐 It points out that successful men who date younger women are often envied and criticized, leading to social backlash.
• 🧬 Evolutionary adaptation is mentioned as a reason why men are attracted to women in their most fertile age range, typically in their 20s and early 30s.

Q & A

What is the importance of sexual desire in maintaining a relationship according to the script?

The script suggests that sexual desire is crucial for the continuation of a relationship. It implies that if sexual desire is absent, the relationship is likely to end in divorce.

What is the role of mutual sexual attraction in a relationship as described in the transcript?

Mutual sexual attraction is described as necessary for a relationship to last. If one partner does not desire the other, it can lead to the end of the relationship.

How does the script describe the dynamic of relationships where sexual desire is lacking?

The script describes such relationships as potentially leading to a breakup, with the absence of sexual desire often resulting in the end of the relationship.

What is the percentage ratio of sexual desire's importance in a relationship as mentioned in the transcript?

The transcript does not provide an exact percentage but suggests that sexual desire is a significant factor, with varying opinions on its importance.

How does the transcript explain the fluctuation of sexual desire over time?

It is mentioned that sexual desire can fluctuate due to stress, hormonal changes, and other factors, and that it is normal for these fluctuations to occur periodically.

What is the impact of age difference on relationships as discussed in the script?

The script discusses that men in their 35-40s who are with younger women might face societal judgment and that such relationships can be challenging due to differing life stages and societal expectations.

What does the script suggest about the societal perception of older men dating younger women?

The script suggests that there is a societal bias against older men dating younger women, with the perception that it is less acceptable than older women dating younger men.

How does the script describe the concept of 'love bombing' in relationships?

The script describes 'love bombing' as a manipulative tactic used by some individuals, particularly those with borderline personality disorders, to maintain control in a relationship by creating an intense emotional bond.

What is the script's view on the compatibility of couples with significant age differences?

The script implies that there can be compatibility issues due to differing life experiences and societal expectations, but it does not outright dismiss the possibility of successful relationships with significant age gaps.

How does the script address the issue of societal pressure on relationships involving younger women and older men?

The script acknowledges that societal pressure and judgments can be a significant factor, leading to stress and potential breakups in such relationships.

What does the script suggest about the evolutionary perspective on attraction to women of certain ages?

The script suggests that there is an evolutionary component to men being attracted to women in their most fertile years, which is typically in their 20s and early 30s.

Outlines

00:00

😔 The Importance of Sexual Compatibility in Relationships

The speaker discusses the significance of sexual compatibility in a relationship, suggesting that without it, the relationship may not be fulfilling. They emphasize that while communication and spending time together are crucial, the absence of sexual connection can lead to a breakdown in the relationship. The speaker also touches on the idea that sexual attraction should be mutual and that it's not healthy for a relationship to continue without it. They mention that relationships without sexual compatibility often end in divorce. The narrative includes personal anecdotes, such as a relationship that lasted for five years and ended due to a lack of respect and desire. The speaker also discusses the psychological aspects of relationships, including how certain personality disorders can impact them, and the concept of 'love bombing.' They conclude by suggesting that healthy relationships require a balance of sexual and emotional compatibility.

05:02

👶 Age and Fertility in Human Attraction

This paragraph delves into the biological and evolutionary aspects of human attraction, particularly focusing on age and fertility. The speaker mentions that the optimal age range for reproduction is between 25 to 45 for men, and discusses societal perceptions of men being attracted to younger women. They explain that as men age, their preferences may shift towards women closer to their own age or older, which they refer to as 'milf' attraction. The speaker also touches on evolutionary adaptations, suggesting that men are biologically wired to seek out women who are in their most fertile years. They argue that men in their late 20s and 30s may find women in their late 20s to early 30s more attractive due to their fertility and maturity. The speaker concludes by stating that the perception of attractiveness changes as individuals age and that there is a complex interplay between biological factors and societal norms in determining who people find attractive.

Keywords

💡Sexual Compatibility

Sexual compatibility refers to the degree to which two people are sexually in tune with each other, including shared desires, preferences, and satisfaction in a sexual relationship. In the video's theme, it is discussed as a critical factor in maintaining a relationship, where the absence of sexual compatibility can lead to the deterioration of the relationship. The script mentions 'sexual compatibility' as a necessity for a relationship to last, with the speaker sharing anecdotes to illustrate its importance.

💡Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition characterized by unstable moods, behavior, and relationships. The video discusses BPD in the context of relationships, suggesting that individuals with this disorder may fear abandonment and engage in 'love bombing' to maintain a relationship. The script uses the term to describe a dynamic where one partner is overly attached and controlling, leading to a cycle of emotional manipulation.

💡Love Bombing

Love bombing is a manipulative tactic where one person showers another with excessive affection, attention, and praise to quickly establish a relationship. The video script uses this term to describe a behavior exhibited by individuals with BPD, where they might use love bombing to keep their partners from leaving them. It is presented as an unhealthy and unsustainable approach to relationships.

💡Abandonment Fear

Abandonment fear is an intense, often irrational worry that a person will be left alone or rejected by those they care about. In the video, it is suggested that this fear can drive individuals to engage in controlling behaviors to prevent their partners from leaving them, which is particularly associated with BPD. The script discusses how this fear can lead to a cycle of emotional turmoil within relationships.

💡Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is characterized by a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. The video implies that individuals with NPD are less affected by the manipulative behaviors of 'borderline' individuals because they are more self-centered and less emotionally invested. The script uses this term to contrast the emotional resilience of narcissists with the vulnerability of those with BPD.

💡Antisocial Behavior

Antisocial behavior refers to patterns of behavior that violate the rights of others and are characteristic of certain personality disorders. The video script mentions antisocial behavior in the context of discussing individuals who exhibit psychopathic traits and engage in harmful actions towards others. It is used to illustrate a type of behavior that can be particularly damaging in relationships.

💡Societal Norms

Societal norms are the shared expectations for behavior in a society. The video discusses how societal norms can influence perceptions of relationships, particularly when it comes to age differences. The script highlights how a man dating a younger woman might be judged by society, reflecting broader cultural attitudes towards age and relationships.

💡Reproductive Age

Reproductive age typically refers to the period in a person's life when they are capable of conceiving a child. The video script mentions the reproductive age in the context of discussing the biological factors that might influence attraction and relationship choices. It suggests that men might be more attracted to women in their late 20s to early 30s because this is when women are at their most fertile.

💡Evolutionary Adaptation

Evolutionary adaptation refers to the process by which species develop traits that are better suited to their environment, leading to improved chances of survival and reproduction. The video script discusses how men might be evolutionarily adapted to seek out women who are in their most fertile years, which could explain why they are more attracted to women in certain age ranges.

💡Attraction

Attraction is the feeling of being drawn towards someone or something. In the video, attraction is discussed in terms of both physical and emotional appeal, with the speaker suggesting that men may find women in their late 20s to early 30s more attractive due to a combination of fertility and maturity. The script uses this concept to explore the complexities of romantic attraction.

💡Fertility

Fertility refers to the ability to produce offspring. The video script mentions fertility in relation to the reproductive age of women, suggesting that men may be biologically inclined to be attracted to women who are in their most fertile years. This concept is used to explain potential evolutionary reasons behind certain relationship dynamics.

Highlights

Sexual compatibility is not a prerequisite for a relationship, but its absence can lead to a completely different dynamic.

A relationship can be very good in terms of communication and spending time together, but without sex, it may not last.

The absence of sexual desire can lead to a relationship ending, as it is an important aspect for many people.

The necessity of sexual desire should be mutual; both partners should feel it for the relationship to be healthy and enduring.

Sexual desire can fluctuate due to stress or hormonal changes, and it's normal for it to not always be at the same level.

Research generally concludes that a lack of sexual activity can lead to relationship dissolution.

A 21-year-old shares their experience of a five-year relationship ending due to a lack of respect and sexual desire.

The fear of being abandoned can lead to clingy behavior in relationships, especially in those with borderline personality traits.

People with narcissistic or antisocial tendencies are less affected by the fear of abandonment and can maintain relationships despite it.

A 33-year-old discusses societal expectations and the challenges of dating younger women, facing judgment and criticism.

Societal norms often discourage successful men from dating younger women, leading to a sense of isolation and judgment.

The concept of 'love bombing' is introduced as a manipulative tactic used by some women to maintain control in relationships.

The idea that men are more attracted to younger women as they age is discussed, with a focus on evolutionary and societal factors.

A shift in male attraction from younger to older women is noted as men grow older and prioritize fertility and maturity.

The most fertile age range for women is mentioned as being between 25 to 45 years old, according to recent studies.

The speaker argues that men are more attracted to women in their mid-20s to early 30s due to perceived fertility and maturity.

Transcripts

cinsellik ilişkinin yüzde kaçıdır Yani

şöyle cinsellik ön gereklilik gibi bir

şey aslında o olmuyorsa hiçbir şey

olmuyor yani her şey çok iyi mesela çok

iyi anlaşıyorsun işte kadınla çok iyi

vakit geçiriyorsun ama cinsellik Yok

olmaz o zaman tam tersi olur ama kla çok

kötü anlaşıyorsun Hiçbir ortak noktanız

yok ama böyle fare gibi sevişiyorsun

Fare ne tavşan gibi sevişiyorsun

durmuyorsun böyle hih hih hih diye böyle

devam O zaman o sürer O ilişki sürer O

da biter bir yerde Umarım

anlatabilmişimdir o yüzden o gereklilik

yani o kadını arzulamanın da seni

arzulaması gerekiyor Bu gereklilik

olduğu zaman illaki ilişki sürer ama yüz

işte 50's didir 20's didir 40'ı dır oran

vermek bilmiyorum O çok doğru değil

Bence her zaman da aynı arzuyla e

sevişemeyiz bazen dönemsel olarak stres

yaşarsın hormonların değişir

anlatabiliyor muyum öyle bir dalgalanma

yaşarsın ama bir ortalaman olması

gerekiyor ilişki

ve zaten yapılan çalışmalarda da

genellikle aynı sonuca varıyorlar Eğer

bir şekilde cinsellik yoksa boşanmayla

sonuçlanıyor ilişki cinsellik varsa

böyle

olmuyor devam ediyor ilişki jamen Gold

Teşekkürler o 21 yaşında ben 25 günü

boyunca beraberdik betal Aştım Alfa öldü

saygı bitti arzu bitti Eve dönmesine 5

ay kala finito E tamam işte aynen öyle

zaten D İSU bir kadın demek bü bir

kırmızı Bayrağı var demek İşte öyle

takılırsın birkaç sene Ondan sonra biter

o ilişki zaten sorunlu kadınlar sizi

betae etmeye çalışır zaten sorunlu seni

kaybetmekten korkuyor bu borderline

larda çok görülür seni kaybetmekten

korkuyor O yüzden seni savunmasız hale

getirmek zorunda yani kadın ne

zaman senin onu terk edemeyeceğini fark

eder o zaman arzusu biter böyle ilginç

bir yapıları var ve o ana kadar da

aranızda devamlı bir şey olur böyle bir

çekim olur bir şeyler olur kadın seni

beiz etmeye çalışır sen dersin ki Tamam

ya Bu kadın beni çok seviyor Ben bundan

sonra iyi davranacağım falan artık seni

kaybetmeyeceğini anladığı anda seni terk

eder çünkü onu y bir borderline

özellikle ya da bu sorunlu kadınları

dürtü problemi olan

kadınları ayakta tutan şey kaybetme

korkusudur o kaybetme korkusunu

kaybettirmek He kaybettirmek çok mu iyi

oluyor Bir alt olmuyor işte o zaman da

devamlı karşında söylenen ağlayan bir

gün soğuk gün sıcak yapan Yani kendi

içsel mekanizması sonucunda seninle

ilişkisini Love bombing üzerinden

yürüten bir kadınla birlikte oluyorsun E

bu da iyi bir şey değil bu da sağlıklı

bir şey

değil o yüzden genellikle borderlin lı

en iyi narsistler anlar Narsist erkekler

anlar narsistik bozukluğa sahip erkekler

anlar çünkü onlar bu gelgitlerden çok

etkilenmezler biraz da psikopati yee

sahipse Bu erkek antisosyal davranışları

varsa özellikle o Tamam o borderline onu

20 sene birlikte olur yani hayatta

bırakamaz adam etkilenmiyor Çünkü ne

yapsa her gün terk etme riskini taşıyor

kadın E daha çok bağlanıyor asla ilişki

bitmiyor sonuç olarak bir döngüde

yuvarlanıp

gidiyorlar Üstat yaşım 33 bana göre

18 üstü her yaşı okeyim ama etrafımdaki

kadınlar veya sürekli Hatun muhabbeti

yaptığım erkek arkadaşım neymiş 25

yaşındaki arkadaşı ile birlikte olmama

sana ufak diyorlar Ne yapmalı hiçbir şey

yapmana gerek yok Boş ver ne derlerse

desinler kadınlar Yani bu bir kadınsa

Eğer seni

utandırıyorsun da bir cinsel partn

ulaşımı lazım Es senin yaşındaki değerli

erkekler gelip de küçük kadınlarla

birlikte olursa o kadınlar ne yapacak

bir de toplumsal öğretilmiş likler de

var toplum aykırı insanları çok fazla

sevmez kendi potansiyeline sahip olmuş

çıkık insanları başarılı insanları çok

sevmez onları törpüleme yi ister O

yüzden törpülemek istemiyorsun Senin

başarılı ve genç bir kadına ulaşmış

olman toplumdaki birçok kişi tarafından

Bu yüzden ayıplanacak

Çünkü onların stratejisi de bunu

gerektiriyor şey gibi düşün Onu

toplumdaki virüsler gibi düşün

yani sana saldırıyorlar orada Diyorlar

ki sen nasıl bunu yaparsın falan Sen de

bizim gibi olacaksın diyorlar yani

yengeç sepeti gibi seni de aşağı

çekiyorlar ama bunu yapabilen erkek

sayısı çok değil yani

eee 35 40 yaş bandında olup genç

kızlarla birlikte olabilen erkek sayısı

çok değil bu erkekler başarılı erkekler

E tabii ki ayıplanacak

çünkü kendi yaşında diğer 3540 yaşındaki

adam bunu yapamıyor diyor ki Sen nasıl

yapıyorsun diyor ondan sonra sen Nasıl

başarıyorsun de ben başaramıyorum diyor

kadınlar için de benzeri geçerli yani

diyor ki bu yaş puanındaki erkekler genç

kızlarla olursa biz kiminle olacağız

diğer Sorun da

bu erkek için yaş

50 kadın için 35 sayılır tıbben demiş

üreme yaşı için Tarkan Evet evet doğru

en son baktığım çalışmalardan biri de

zaten benzer bir şey söylüyordu Yani en

iyi üreme yaşı 25 45 yaş bandıdır

diyordu Bu arada Ona rağmen mesela

erkeklerin daha düşük şeyi riski

kadınlarım bayağı

yüksek ama Abi şu an 10 yaş 7 yaş Ar

yaşındaki kadınlar ufak geliyor gözüme

yani şu an öyle gelir 20'li yaşlardaki

erkek

kendi yaşıtları ya küçük gelir ya da

daha az Arzu duyarlar onu İlerleyen

zamanda mesela 30 yaşından sonra fark

ediyorsun genç erkeklerin çoğu ya Kendi

yaşıtlarına ya da daha büyük kadınlara

Hani maure diyeceğimiz kadınlara daha

fazla çekiliyorlar hani milfi oluyorlar

öyle söyleyeyim ama ilerleyen yaşlarda

bu değişiyor O zaman genç yazın genç

kızın özellikleri niteliklerini anlamaya

başlıyorsun Bu da evrimsel bir

adaptasyon Çünkü o yaş bandındaki

kadınları elde etmek biraz daha kolay

erkek bunu içsel olarak biliyor bir bir

nedeni bu İkinci nedeni de yine evrimsel

Eee Kadının

doğurganlık yaşı biliyorsunuz 232

yaşında pik yapıyor ve o yüzden sen

kendinden daha küçük kadınlara çok

çekilmiyorsun yani 25 yaşında bir erkek

18 20 yaşındaki kadın çok çekici bulmaya

Bu yüzden ya bulan da vardır Bu arada

Hiç Bulmaz demiyoruz yani anlatabiliyor

mu bu yanlış anlaşılmasın ama o daha az

çekici bulursun daha olgun kadınlara Hem

daha kolay ulaşıldığı için hem de daha

doğurgan gördüğün

için Daha çekici bulabilirsin Ben zaten

bunu hep söylüyorum yani 20 yaşındaki

kadınlar çok çekici değildir ya o

çekicilik böyle 23 25

27 2330 bant arasında genellikle oluyor

zaten en doğurgan oldukları yaş

dilimleri de oralar