Why We Fear Public Speaking | Taylor Williams | TEDxUF

Summary

In this engaging talk, the speaker, a comedian, humorously addresses the universal fear of public speaking, comparing it to the fear of death. They redefine public speaking as a daily interaction, not just formal presentations, and share practical tips for overcoming anxiety. The speaker emphasizes the importance of authenticity, body language, and finding a supportive 'yes person' in the audience. They conclude by encouraging viewers to embrace both successes and failures as opportunities for growth, reiterating that public speaking is about connecting with others as our true selves.

Takeaways

• 😅 The speaker, a comedian, was nervous about preaching a sermon despite loving public speaking, highlighting the vulnerability many feel in such situations.
• 🗣️ Public speaking is often feared more than death, indicating the deep-seated anxiety people have about expressing themselves in public.
• 🎯 The definition of public speaking should be broadened to include everyday interactions, not just formal presentations or speeches.
• 🤝 Engaging in public speaking is about presenting our authentic selves to the world, which involves both confidence and vulnerability.
• 👀 The fear of public speaking often stems from the fear of being judged, a universal concern that can be paralyzing.
• 🙅‍♂️ Common advice like picturing the audience in their underwear is not effective and is universally disliked.
• 💡 Practical tips for better public speaking include opening up your body language, finding a supportive 'yes person' in the audience, and being yourself.
• 🌟 Success in public speaking comes from small, incremental improvements and learning from both successes and failures.
• 🤗 Public speaking is not a competition but a conversation that helps in building a stronger connection with the audience.
• 🎉 The ultimate goal of public speaking is to represent and celebrate our true selves and the diversity of others.

Q & A

What was the speaker's initial reaction to being asked to preach a sermon?

The speaker was utterly and uncharacteristically nervous, despite loving public speaking and being a comedian, storyteller, and improviser.

Why did the speaker's experience with preaching a sermon help in their coaching?

It provided empathy for the speaker's clients who are terrified of public speaking, as the speaker experienced similar nerves and vulnerabilities.

How does the speaker suggest we should redefine public speaking?

The speaker suggests we should think of public speaking as the way we present ourselves to the world, not just as formal presentations or speeches.

What common fear does the speaker mention that is ranked alongside the fear of public speaking?

The fear of death is ranked alongside the fear of public speaking, indicating how deeply rooted the fear can be.

What is the underlying fear that the speaker identifies in people's responses to public speaking?

The underlying fear is the fear of being judged, which is a universal concern regardless of whether someone loves or hates public speaking.

What advice does the speaker give for dealing with the fear of public speaking?

The speaker suggests being gentle with oneself, opening up one's body, finding a 'yes' person in the audience, and being one's authentic self.

Why does the speaker say picturing the audience naked is bad advice?

The speaker mentions that picturing the audience naked is not effective and is universally disliked, suggesting it does not help with public speaking anxiety.

What is the speaker's view on the role of failure in public speaking?

The speaker views failure as inevitable, normal, and helpful, emphasizing that it is as authentic as success and should be seen as part of the learning process.

How does the speaker encourage counting successes in public speaking?

The speaker encourages counting every success, no matter how small, to build confidence and recognize progress in public speaking.

What is the final message the speaker wants the audience to take away about public speaking?

The speaker wants the audience to see public speaking as a representation of their truest, most authentic selves and a celebration of that in others, focusing on daily improvements rather than perfection.

Outlines

00:00

🎤 Overcoming Public Speaking Fears

The speaker, a comedian, shares their experience of being nervous about preaching a sermon despite being a public speaking enthusiast. They draw parallels between their own anxiety and the common fear of public speaking, which is often ranked alongside the fear of death. The speaker reflects on the importance of understanding this fear and the universal desire to be a confident public speaker. They propose a broader definition of public speaking, suggesting it's not just about formal presentations but also includes everyday interactions where we present ourselves to others. The speaker emphasizes that the fear of public speaking is rooted in the fear of judgment, a sentiment shared by both those who love and hate public speaking.

05:00

🌟 Tips for Confident Public Speaking

The speaker offers practical advice to help overcome the fear of public speaking and become a more proficient presenter. They suggest opening up one's body language to communicate confidence and calmness, finding a supportive 'yes person' in the audience to connect with, and being one's authentic self during presentations. The speaker also encourages counting every success, no matter how small, and accepting that failure is a normal part of the learning process. They conclude by framing public speaking as a conversation rather than a battle, and as an opportunity to present one's true self to the world, advocating for continuous improvement and celebrating authenticity.

Keywords

💡Public Speaking

Public speaking refers to the act of addressing an audience, typically on a specific topic, in a formal setting. In the video, the speaker emphasizes that public speaking is not just about formal presentations or speeches but is a part of everyday interactions, such as introducing oneself or making small talk. The video's theme revolves around redefining public speaking to include all forms of self-presentation to the world, which can help in overcoming the fear associated with it.

💡Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. The speaker discusses how their experience of nervousness while preaching a sermon allowed them to empathize with those they coach who are afraid of public speaking. This keyword is central to the video's message of understanding the common fear of public speaking and finding ways to manage it.

💡Vulnerability

Vulnerability is the state of being open to attack or damage, often emotionally. In the context of the video, the speaker shares their personal vulnerability when preaching a sermon, which is a departure from their usual comfort in public speaking. The concept is used to illustrate the universal human experience of feeling exposed and the importance of embracing this feeling to connect authentically with others.

💡Fear of Public Speaking

The fear of public speaking is a common phobia that ranks high among adults' fears, sometimes even above the fear of death. The video uses this fear as a starting point to discuss why people are afraid and how to overcome this fear by changing the way we think about public speaking. The speaker humorously cites Jerry Seinfeld's joke to highlight the intensity of this fear.

💡Authentic Self

Authentic self refers to the genuine, true version of oneself, as opposed to a facade or a role one might play in different social situations. The video encourages embracing one's authentic self during public speaking, suggesting that this authenticity can help in connecting with the audience and reducing anxiety. The speaker advises to 'be yourself' as a key tip for effective public speaking.

💡Body Language

Body language consists of the gestures, postures, and movements that communicate nonverbally. The video highlights that 93% of communication is through body language, which can signal confidence and ease to both the audience and the speaker. The speaker advises to 'open up your body' and use positive body language to convey a sense of being at ease.

💡Yes Person

A 'yes person' in the context of the video refers to an audience member who is responsive and supportive, providing positive feedback to the speaker. The speaker suggests finding and focusing on this person as a way to feel more comfortable and encouraged during public speaking.

💡Anxiety

Anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome. The video discusses the anxiety that comes with public speaking and offers strategies to manage it. The speaker's own experience with anxiety while preaching serves as a relatable example for the audience.

💡Failure

Failure in the video is presented as an inevitable part of the learning process, especially in public speaking. The speaker encourages the audience to view failure as normal and helpful, emphasizing that it is as authentic as success and should be embraced as a part of the journey to becoming a better public speaker.

💡Improvisation

Improvisation is the ability to create or adapt spontaneously, often used in comedy or performance arts. The speaker, being a comedian, mentions improvisation as part of their skill set but clarifies that it doesn't necessarily help in preaching a sermon, illustrating the different skills required for different forms of public speaking.

💡Conversation

The video frames public speaking as a form of conversation, suggesting that it is an interactive process where both the speaker and the audience contribute to the experience. This concept is used to shift the perspective from a one-sided performance to a more inclusive and engaging dialogue.

Highlights

The speaker, a comedian, was asked to preach a sermon, which made them nervous despite loving public speaking.

Being a comedian doesn't necessarily help in preaching a sermon, highlighting the different skills required.

The fear of public speaking is ranked among the worst phobias for adults, comparable to the fear of death.

Jerry Seinfeld's quote humorously compares the fear of public speaking to the fear of death.

The speaker suggests that the fear of public speaking is due to a wrong definition of what it entails.

Public speaking should be defined more broadly as the way we present ourselves to the world.

Daily interactions like introducing oneself or making small talk are forms of public speaking.

The speaker's surveys show that both lovers and haters of public speaking fear judgment.

Fear of inadequacy, failure, rejection, and judgment are common among those who fear public speaking.

The desire to feel known, seen, heard, and understood is a universal human need.

The worst advice for public speaking, according to the speaker's surveys, is to picture the audience naked.

Three tangible tips are given to become a more proficient public speaker: open up your body, find your 'yes' person, and be yourself.

Body language communicates 93% of what we say to our audience.

Finding a supportive person in the audience can help with comfort and encouragement.

Being authentic and using your natural personality can make public speaking more enjoyable for both the speaker and the audience.

Counting successes, no matter how small, is important for building confidence in public speaking.

Failure is seen as inevitable, normal, and helpful in the process of improving public speaking skills.

Public speaking is not about winning or losing but about engaging in an ongoing conversation with the audience.

The speaker concludes by emphasizing that public speaking is about presenting our authentic selves and celebrating others' authenticity.

Transcripts

[Music]

a year ago

i was asked to preach a sermon in my

beloved spiritual community

at my church the only thing is

i'm a comedian not a minister

my friend said oh taylor this will be a

breeze for you you're a storyteller

you're an improviser you're kind of a

ham well let me tell you being a ham

doesn't help you preach a sermon

and i was utterly and

uncharacteristically

nervous i love public speaking

i think about it i write about it i

teach it

i even think about it in my sleep but in

this case

my palms were sweaty my heart beat fast

and i feared i would forget everything i

had prepared

maybe you know what that feels like but

this was a great exercise and empathy

for me

in the work that i do because i coach a

lot of people who are terrified of

public speaking

and the vulnerabilities surrounding it

so in this case

i wasn't telling a story i wasn't doing

improv or trying to be a ham

i was preaching and the stakes felt high

and i felt vulnerable and i wanted to

crush it

as much as you can crush a sermon

but that was all it took for me to feel

all the nerves

i guess the good news is i'm not alone

the fear of public speaking ranks

amongst

the worst phobias for adults in fact

it ranks right up there with the fear of

death

kind of puts it in perspective doesn't

it the comedian jerry seinfeld famously

said that means you'd rather be in the

coffin

than giving the eulogy makes the

prospects of becoming a more

confident public speaker feel pretty

grim in fact i'm willing to bet that

some of you out there are feeling

anxious with just me talking about

public speaking

but before you start to freak out let me

tell you why trying to understand this

fear

is so important and why we all have

hopes

of becoming more proficient confident

public speakers

i have a secret i'd like to share with

you

i think the reason why we are all so

terrified of public speaking

and why we think we're all so horrific

at it is because we're actually defining

public speaking

in the wrong way

maybe you think of it as talking to a

large group of strangers with a huge

powerpoint behind you

or making a pitch to a group of

colleagues or presenting something in

class

full of your peers or leading a virtual

meeting

and certainly all of those are examples

but i think we need to define it

much more broadly than that i think we

need to

think of public speaking as the way we

present

ourselves to the world

and if we look at it that way then we

can see that we're engaging

in some form of public speaking pretty

much every day

think about introducing yourself for the

first time and making that

back and forth getting to know you

banter or making small talk at a party

going out for an interview or going on a

first date

all of these are examples of public

speaking if we can change our framework

to see that

and in all of these cases we're not only

trying to

uphold our confidence and our knowledge

of whatever subject matter we're talking

about

but we're also trying to present our

most authentic

self at the same time

so yeah that can feel like a lot

in our shows and workshops we give out

surveys

to ask people whether they love public

speaking or whether they hate it

and then there's a series of follow-up

questions that ask them any tips or

tricks they've received along the way

that help them with their

anxiety around public speaking

and what's fascinating is whether

someone loves public speaking or they

hate it

their answers to the open-ended

questions are largely the same

everyone's fear lies in the fear

of being judged there are nuances

and differences to those responses but

it's pretty much true for everyone

judgment is just too painful to face

when you're a human being trying to

present yourself to the world

it's fraught with fear and insecurity

because it's so

raw and real and vulnerable

and larger research studies show us the

same the ranking right up there

with the fear of public speaking and

death

are the fears of inadequacy failure

rejection and judgment

it's hard to hear isn't it and the

opposite of these fears and hurts

are the desire to feel known and seen

and heard and understood

isn't that what we all want

as an important side note you should

know that in those surveys i mentioned

both lovers and haters of public

speaking agree that the worst

advice they've ever received around

public speaking is to picture your

audience

naked or in their underwear like i'm

doing to all of you right now

just kidding it turns out that doesn't

work for people it's never worked for me

either

let's move on let's talk about some

tangible

tips and tricks to become a more

proficient

confident public speaker or presenter of

yourself to the world

now it's hard this isn't going to happen

in one day

so be gentle with yourself let's make it

less scary shall we

okay number one open up

your body breathe into it

93 of what we communicate to our

audience

is through our body language it lets

them know

that you're okay but it also lets you

know

that you're okay and you're okay

open up breathe smile

blink unclench your fists

number two find your

yes person ah there is someone in every

audience who is

nodding and smiling and validating you

love that person as you look around

skating the room check in with them to

feel comfortable

and encouraged my mom always says that

public speaking

should feel like you're talking to your

best friend

and that person in the back slumped down

with their arms crossed

and scrolling through their twitter feed

the whole time that's not your person

don't worry about that person and number

three

be yourself like seriously act like

yourself

if you have a great sense of humor use

it

if you like to think and speak in sports

analogies sprinkle a couple of those and

be yourself and let them enjoy you

they came to see you to hear you

and besides believe me when i say they

are

so glad it's you up there doing the

public speaking

and not them and as you

improve remember to count all of your

successes

no matter how small they might seem you

make that pitch to all of your

colleagues

and you don't break out in hives count

it you make small talk at the church

potluck

heck yes you did you make that class

presentation and you sweat through that

gray t-shirt but your voice didn't crack

nailed it count each and every win

and as you do also remember that

failure is inevitable

normal and helpful because

failure is just as authentic as success

and as you go around presenting yourself

as a human being to the world

remember that it's never you against

your audience

no one is supposed to win

in many ways public speaking is

an ongoing conversation where you become

more of

a part of your audience by speaking to

them and teaching them

and they become more a part of you by

listening and learning

and we all get stronger that way

what i want you to take away from all of

this is that public speaking

is not about perfection

it's woven into our everyday experience

it's about the way that we interact with

the people in the world around us

and how we want to present ourselves in

those interactions

and we can get better day by day by

taking our successes

and our failures and just making small

improvements

so let's take public speaking

and see it as a representation of our

truest

most authentic selves and a celebration

of that in others

and the great news is no one has to

picture

anyone else in their underwear which is

a victory

in and of itself thank you