Men and women DON'T NEED each other anymore: the consequences of replacing necessity with desire

Summary

Dr. Orion Taraban discusses the changing dynamics between men and women in modern society, arguing that for the first time, individuals no longer need each other for survival. This shift has led to a decline in traditional relationships, as people now come together based on desire rather than necessity. The rise of dating apps and social media has exacerbated this trend, creating an illusion of infinite options and high expectations. Taraban suggests that this new reality will lead to novel relationship arrangements and strategies for both sexes.

Takeaways

• 🚫 Dr. Orion taraban addresses a viewer's concern about perceived misogyny in his videos, clarifying his intent to discuss intersectional dynamics without alienating any gender.
• 👥 The core premise of the talk is that modern men and women no longer need each other in the same way as in the past, which is a significant shift in societal dynamics.
• 💔 This shift is contributing to the decline in marriage, dating, and sexual relationships, as traditional needs for partnership have diminished.
• 🌍 Historically, men and women came together out of necessity for survival, especially in subsistence-level living conditions.
• 📉 As per capita GDP increases, birth rates decline, and people become more independent and less reliant on others for survival.
• 🏡 In affluent societies, individuals are more isolated due to increased self-sufficiency, leading to less need for interpersonal bonds.
• 🤝 Complementary skill sets between men and women were essential for survival in the past, but as society progresses, these roles become more flexible.
• 💞 Today, relationships are formed more out of want than need, leading to a reevaluation of the dynamics in dating and mating.
• 💔 The elimination of necessity in relationships has led to a situation where many men and women are choosing to be alone rather than settle for less than desirable partners.
• 📱 The illusion of infinite optionality through dating apps and social media exacerbates the challenge of settling for less in relationships.
• 🔄 The modern dating landscape requires individuals to balance their desires with the reality of forming meaningful relationships, which involves some degree of compromise.

Q & A

What was the main concern expressed by the viewer who provided feedback to Dr. Orion Taraban?

The viewer felt that Dr. Taraban's videos implied that women need men, which she considered to be a misogynistic implication.

How did Dr. Taraban respond to the viewer's concern?

Dr. Taraban agreed with the viewer's fundamental premise and expanded upon it, stating that men and women no longer need each other in the same way they did in the past.

What is Dr. Taraban's goal for his channel?

Dr. Taraban aims to present the truth about intersectional dynamics without enraging men or alienating women, while maintaining a balanced perspective.

Why did men and women historically come together?

Historically, men and women came together out of necessity for survival, as life was extremely hard and few could manage alone, especially at a subsistence or poverty level.

How does the increase in per capita GDP relate to the decline in birth rates?

As per capita GDP increases, birth rates tend to decline, possibly because affluent societies have less need for the survival-based interpersonal bonds that historically led to higher birth rates.

What is the impact of increased affluence on social isolation?

Affluent individuals tend to be lonelier and more isolated than those in less industrialized societies because the more one has, the less one needs other people.

How has the shift from necessity to desire changed the dynamics of dating and relationships?

The shift has led to men and women only coming together because they want to, rather than because they need to. This has changed the 'game' of dating and mating, as individuals now cater more to the desires of the other rather than their needs.

What is the illusion of infinite optionality, and how does it affect modern dating?

The illusion of infinite optionality refers to the belief that there are endless potential partners available, which can lead to a reluctance to settle for less than the most desirable. This exacerbates the focus on desire in modern dating and can make forming actual relationships more challenging.

What advice does Dr. Taraban give regarding the approach to relationships in the modern era?

Dr. Taraban suggests that individuals need to become more attuned to what the opposite sex wants and restrict their own desires according to the constraints of reality, acknowledging that some degree of settling is always required in relationships.

What is Dr. Taraban's perspective on the historical trend of early marriage and long-term relationships?

Dr. Taraban expresses a preference for the modern era's increased optionality over the historical trend of early marriage and long-term relationships, as it allows for more choice and less settling for the only available option.

How does Dr. Taraban view the future of relationships given the current dynamics?

Dr. Taraban is intrigued by the future of relationships, as he believes the current dynamics represent a unique moment in history where men and women are coming together primarily out of desire rather than necessity. He anticipates new relationship arrangements and strategies emerging as a result.

Outlines

00:00

🌟 Modern Relationships: Independence and Necessity

Dr. Orion Taraban discusses the evolving dynamics between men and women, emphasizing that unlike in the past, modern individuals no longer need each other for survival. He explains that historically, men and women formed relationships out of necessity due to harsh living conditions. However, with increased affluence and individual self-sufficiency, the traditional need for partnership has diminished, leading to a decline in marriage, dating, and sexual relationships. Dr. Taraban also touches on the loneliness and isolation experienced by affluent individuals, contrasting it with the strong interpersonal bonds in poorer societies. He concludes by highlighting the shift from necessity to desire in modern relationships, where individuals now choose partners based on personal wants rather than needs.

05:01

💔 The Changing Landscape of Dating and Mating

This paragraph delves into the impact of modern societal changes on dating and mating. Dr. Taraban notes that the absence of necessity and the presence of infinite options have altered the dynamics of forming relationships. He argues that people are less inclined to settle for less than their ideal partner due to the perceived abundance of desirable options. This mindset, fueled by dating apps and social media, has contributed to the decline in long-term relationships. The summary also addresses the challenge of balancing the desire for the ideal partner with the reality of compromise in relationships. Dr. Taraban suggests that understanding and adapting to these new dynamics will be crucial for both men and women in securing desired relationships, and he invites listeners to reflect on how these changes align with their personal experiences.

Keywords

💡misogynistic

The term 'misogynistic' refers to the dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women. In the context of the video, Dr. Orion Taraban addresses a concern from a viewer who felt that his previous videos might imply women need men, which she interpreted as misogynistic. Dr. Taraban clarifies that his intention is not to be misogynistic but to discuss the changing dynamics between men and women in modern society.

💡intersectional Dynamics

Intersectional Dynamics refers to the interconnected nature of social categorizations such as race, class, and gender, creating overlapping and interdependent systems of discrimination or disadvantage. In the video, Dr. Taraban aims to discuss these dynamics without alienating any gender, emphasizing the complex interplay of factors that affect relationships between men and women in contemporary times.

💡subsistence level

A subsistence level of living is a state where people barely meet their basic needs for survival, often living in poverty. The video discusses how, historically, men and women came together out of necessity rooted in survival at a subsistence level, where the harshness of life required strong interpersonal bonds and complementary skills for mutual support.

💡per capita GDP

Per capita GDP, or Gross Domestic Product, is a measure of a country's economic output per person. In the video, it is mentioned that as per capita GDP increases, birth rates decline, suggesting a correlation between economic prosperity and changes in social behaviors, such as forming relationships and family sizes.

💡loneliness

Loneliness is the subjective feeling of being alone or isolated. Dr. Taraban notes that affluent modern individuals tend to be lonelier than poorer folks in less industrialized societies, which may be due to having more resources and thus being less dependent on others for survival and companionship.

💡complementary skill sets

Complementary skill sets refer to the combination of different abilities or talents that, when combined, create a more effective or efficient outcome. In the context of the video, it is used to describe how men and women historically relied on each other's unique skills for survival, such as hunting or gathering, which were essential for their joint existence.

💡modern relationships

Modern relationships refer to the contemporary ways in which people form and maintain romantic partnerships. The video discusses how modern men and women no longer need each other for survival, leading to changes in the nature of relationships, with an emphasis on personal choice and desire rather than necessity.

💡dating apps

Dating apps are mobile applications designed to facilitate romantic and sexual connections between individuals. In the video, it is mentioned that dating apps contribute to the illusion of infinite optionality, which affects people's approach to relationships and dating by increasing the primacy of desire and the reluctance to settle for less than the most desirable partners.

💡infinite optionality

Infinite optionality refers to the perception that there are endless possibilities or choices available. In the video, this concept is used to describe how modern dating and technology, such as dating apps, create a sense of limitless options in potential partners, which can lead to unrealistic expectations and dissatisfaction with actual relationships.

💡relationship arrangements

Relationship arrangements refer to the various forms and structures that romantic or intimate partnerships can take. The video suggests that as societal needs and desires evolve, new types of relationship arrangements may emerge, reflecting the changing dynamics between men and women in the context of reduced interdependence and increased personal choice.

💡mate selection

Mate selection is the process of choosing a romantic partner. In the video, it is discussed how mate selection has shifted from being based on necessity to being driven by personal desires and preferences, leading to a situation where individuals cater more to the desires of potential partners and face challenges in balancing their own desires with the constraints of reality.

Highlights

Dr. Orion taraban discusses the modern dynamic between men and women, suggesting that for the first time, they don't need each other in the same way as in the past.

The speaker agrees with a viewer's feedback that there is a shift in the need for men and women to be in relationships, marking a significant societal change.

The decline in marriage, dating, and sexual relationships is attributed to the fact that men and women no longer need each other for survival.

Historically, men and women came together out of necessity, rooted in survival, especially in subsistence or poverty-level living conditions.

As per capita GDP increases, birth rates decline, indicating a shift in the need for interpersonal relationships for survival.

Affluent modern individuals tend to be lonelier and more isolated than poorer folks in less industrialized societies, reflecting a change in the need for community.

Men and women at a subsistence level have complementary skill sets essential for survival, which is no longer as critical in more affluent societies.

The speaker is excited to see how society navigates this unprecedented change in relationship dynamics.

In the affluent Western World, men and women no longer need each other in the traditional sense, leading to new relationship arrangements.

The shift from necessity to desire in relationships is changing the game of mating and dating, with people now seeking partners based on wants rather than needs.

The illusion of infinite optionality in dating, fueled by dating apps and social media, is exacerbating the decline in relationships.

The modern dating landscape requires individuals to cater to the desires of potential partners, as opposed to fulfilling basic needs.

The speaker encourages viewers to reflect on how these changes in relationship dynamics align with their personal experiences.

The speaker suggests that new strategies will emerge for securing desired relationships, as traditional needs no longer dictate relationship formation.

The speaker invites viewers to share their thoughts in the comments and to engage with the content by liking and subscribing to the channel.

The speaker emphasizes the importance of choosing a relationship that is right for the individual, rather than settling for the only option available.

Transcripts

I'm Dr Orion taraban and this is cycax

Better Living Through psychology and the

topic of today's short talk is men and

women don't need each other anymore

so I recently received some feedback

from a viewer who told me that she got

the impression that in some of my videos

I imply that women need men and she felt

that such an implication was

misogynistic

now when pressed she couldn't tell me

what I said that gave her that

impression or even what episode or

episodes were responsible

however that apparently was the vibe

that she got from my episodes

now it certainly is not my intention to

be misogynistic among other things my

goal on this channel is to tell the

truth about intersectional Dynamics

without either enraging men or

alienating women and frankly that's not

an easy task I imagine I don't always

succeed but that is what I aspire to do

in any case I think my response

surprised her because I actually agreed

with and expanded upon her fundamental

premise she was right women and men

don't need each other anymore

I don't mean this on the population

level like Civilization would fall apart

with not without a lot of men and

Humanity would go extinct without a lot

of women

men need women around and women need men

around but perhaps for the first time in

a very long time modern man doesn't need

a woman

and modern woman doesn't need a man

and I think this is a really important

driver of the unprecedented decline in

marriage dating and sexual relationships

that we're experiencing at the present

moment we no longer need each other at

least we no longer need each other the

way that most of us did even a hundred

years ago throughout most of recorded

history men and women came together out

of necessity

and that necessity was rooted in

survival life was extremely hard the

vast majority of humanity was living at

a subsistence or a poverty level and few

people can do that alone I mean one of

the ways that really poor folks get by

like in the favelas of Brazil where I've

spent some time is they form really

strong interpersonal bonds like if you

don't have anything yourself you need

other people

and if you have a lot you need people

less

and I think that at least partly

explains why in every culture on this

planet over the last 100 years birth

rate has declined as per capita GDP has

increased

it's also why affluent modern folks tend

to be much lonelier and more isolated

than poorer folks in less industrialized

societies it makes sense actually the

more you have yourself the less you need

other people and the less you have

yourself the more you really need others

and when people were very very poor and

where in some parts of the world they

still are

men and women have come together because

they really needed to lean on each other

and close to that subsistence level of

living where biological necessity

becomes more pressing men and women

discover that they have complementary

skill sets that are absolutely

indispensable for survival

on the other hand the further folks are

from a subsistence level the more

flexible social roles can become simply

because we have more room for error

we don't have to send the best hunters

out for food anymore if other folks want

to take a stab at hunting why not let

them even if they don't bring back as

much food as frequently we're probably

not going to starve at least that's how

I see things

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in any case here we are in the affluent

Western World men and women don't need

each other the way that they used to and

this is a really interesting a really

fascinating moment to be living through

I'm legitimately really excited to see

how we collectively navigate this the

crisis and the opportunity of this

moment is precisely this

since men and women no longer have to

come together because they need to

we're increasingly seeing that men and

women only come together because they

want to

and where there is neither the need nor

the want there is nothing

again this has probably never happened

before in recorded history it's an

incredible development especially

because what we're discovering

is that a lot of women apparently don't

want men and a lot of men apparently

don't want women

since we don't need each other like we

used to a lot of men and women are

walking away

what's more to initiate any form of

sexual relationship men and women

increasingly have to cater to the

desires as opposed to the needs of the

other

and this changes the game of mating and

dating considerably

in the past both men and women could

kind of lean on necessity like you might

not love the idea of me but there are

only three guys in this Village and two

of them are old and stinky and I could

help you survive the winter

where else are you gonna go what else

are you gonna do

so I think we got to be careful about

romanticizing the days when people got

married at 17 and stayed together for 70

years

personally I'd rather not go back to

that time with its lack of optionality

or recourse I like being able to choose

an option that's right for me as opposed

to having to settle for the only thing

available

that said this optionality is also a

driver in the present decline in

relationships with dating apps and

social media many people are ensnared by

the illusion of infinite optionality and

this illusion has exacerbated the

Primacy of desire in the modern game of

mating and dating even more than the

elimination of necessity by itself ever

could

why because if I don't need someone and

very desirable Partners exist somewhere

in that infinite optionality then I have

little incentive to settle for anything

less than something very desirable

and why shouldn't I have it all I don't

need to settle for less I'm young and I

have plenty of time anyway

and this one is a little tricky to

navigate because forming an actual

relationship with a real human being

always requires some degree of settling

like it's never possible to get

everything that you want but where to

draw the line is always an individual

choice

it's important to do that though because

if you retain the infinite potential you

end up with nothing

because that's what potential is

nothing

the illusion of infinite potential makes

people believe that they're suffering an

enormous loss by trading the infinite

potential for a given actual

by trading everything for just one thing

in reality however people actually

achieve an infinite gain by giving up

the infinite potential for a given

actual they give up nothing for

something

in any case we're in the situation where

men and women are really only interested

in getting together if they want to

and what we're discovering is that at

least a sizable minority of each sex

doesn't seem to want what the other one

is selling

my hunch is that this is going to give

rise not only to new relationship

Arrangements but to new strategies on

both sides to secure desired

relationships for better or worse if

they want a relationship straight men

and women not only will need to become

increasingly attuned to what the

opposite sex wants but they will need to

restrict the operation of their own

desire to the constraints of reality as

well

what do you think does this fit with

your own experience let me know in the

comments below and if you've gotten this

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