How to Figure Out What You Really Want in Life

Summary

Dans cette vidéo, l'auteur explore comment découvrir ce que l'on véritablement désire dans la vie en se posant des questions clés sur notre situation actuelle et en se reliant à nos expériences passées. Il propose des exercices pratiques tels que l'analyse de la roue de la vie, la réflexion sur les histoires de réussite et l'audit énergétique pour identifier les activités qui nous apportent satisfaction et celles qui nous épuisent. L'objectif est d'aider les spectateurs à comprendre leurs véritables aspirations et à se fixer des objectifs qui reflètent leurs valeurs et leurs intérêts authentiques.

Takeaways

• 🌲 Comprendre ce que l'on veut vraiment dans la vie nécessite de bien se situer actuellement.
• 🚶‍♂️ Pour ne pas être perdu dans la vie, il faut connaître son destination, sa position actuelle et déterminer le chemin à suivre.
• 🎥 Cette vidéo fait partie d'une série sur la découverte de ce que l'on souhaite vraiment.
• 💼 Réfléchir à ce qui fonctionne et ce qui ne fonctionne pas dans son travail peut aider à clarifier ses désirs.
• 📝 Écrire ses réponses peut aider à obtenir plus de clarté sur ce que l'on veut vraiment.
• 🎡 L'exercice de la Roue de la Vie permet d'évaluer sa satisfaction dans différentes catégories de la vie.
• 🤔 Identifier les domaines qui nécessitent amélioration peut motiver à agir et à progresser.
• 💡 Éviter de se décourager face aux questions importantes et de se considérer comme un aventureur dans la vie.
• 🔄 L'analyse rétroactive de ses expériences et de ses activités peut aider à déterminer ce que l'on veut vraiment.
• 🔋 Réaliser un audit énergétique pour identifier les activités qui donnent de l'énergie ou qui la drainent.
• 🚀 Créer des vérités futures pour se concentrer sur ce que l'on souhaite accomplir et renforcer l'estime de soi.

Q & A

Comment peut-on comprendre ce que l'on veut vraiment dans la vie?

Pour comprendre ce que l'on veut vraiment, il est important de se situer où l'on en est actuellement. On peut se comparer à quelqu'un perdu dans une forêt et suivre trois étapes: savoir où l'on veut aller, se savoir où l'on se trouve et déterminer le chemin pour atteindre son objectif.

Que représente la forêt dans l'analogie donnée dans le script?

La forêt représente la vie et les défis et incertitudes que nous rencontrons. Être perdu dans la forêt symbolise ne pas avoir de direction ou de but clair dans la vie.

Quelles sont les trois étapes pour ne pas être perdu dans la vie, selon le script?

Les trois étapes sont: premièrement, savoir où l'on veut aller, deuxièmement, se savoir où l'on se trouve actuellement, et troisièmement, déterminer le chemin pour atteindre l'objectif souhaité.

Quel est le rôle de la méditation et de l'auto-réflexion dans le processus de découverte de soi?

La méditation et l'auto-réflexion jouent un rôle crucial pour élucider ce que l'on veut vraiment. Elles permettent de s'approfondir en soi et d'examiner ses désirs, ses besoins et ses objectifs profonds, sans se laisser influencer par les attentes des autres ou la société.

Comment le Wheel of Life exercise peut-il aider quelqu'un à évaluer sa vie?

Le Wheel of Life exercise consiste à diviser sa vie en différentes catégories et à évaluer son niveau de satisfaction dans chaque domaine sur une échelle de 0 à 10. Cela permet d'identifier les domaines où l'on se sent le plus satisfait et ceux qui nécessitent une amélioration.

Quelles sont les catégories du Wheel of Life exercise mentionné dans le script?

Les catégories incluent la santé (corps, esprit, âme), les relations (romance, famille, amis), le travail (mission, argent, croissance) et une catégorie extérieure appelée joie.

Qu'est-ce que le mimetic desire et comment peut-il influencer ce que nous voulons?

Le mimetic desire est une théorie selon laquelle ce que nous voulons est souvent influencé par ce que veulent les autres autour de nous plutôt que par un sens intérieur de nous-mêmes. Cela peut nous amener à désirer des choses simplement parce que quelqu'un d'autre les a ou les souhaite.

Comment les 'fulfillment stories' peuvent-elles nous aider à comprendre ce que nous voulons vraiment?

Les 'fulfillment stories' sont des souvenirs d'actions que nous avons prises avec succès et qui nous ont apporté un sens de la satisfaction. Les identifier et les réfléchir nous aide à comprendre ce qui nous apporte vraiment de la joie et de la réalisation, et peut-être à déterminer ce que nous souhaitons poursuivre dans le futur.

Qu'est-ce qu'un audit d'énergie et comment il peut être utilisé pour découvrir ce que l'on veut?

Un audit d'énergie consiste à examiner les activités récentes qui nous ont donné de l'énergie ou qui l'ont drainée. En identifiant ces activités, on peut déterminer ce qui nous rend énergique et ce qui nous apporte satisfaction, ce qui peut nous guider vers les types de travaux ou de loisirs que nous souhaitons privilégier.

Comment les 'vérités' sur soi-même peuvent-elles nous aider à déterminer ce que nous voulons?

Les 'vérités' sont des affirmations positives et inébranlables sur soi-même qui représentent nos identités et nos réalisations. Les énumérer et les réfléchir nous aide à comprendre ce qui est essentiel à notre identité et ce qui nous rend heureux, ce qui peut nous guider dans la détermination de nos objectifs futurs.

Quelle est la définition de succès donnée dans le script?

La définition de succès donnée dans le script est de travailler vers les choses qui nous importent et de profiter du parcours, sans se baser sur les définitions de réussite de la société ou sur les attentes des autres.

Comment le script suggère-t-il de passer de la compréhension de ce que l'on veut à la mise en œuvre des objectifs?

Le script suggère d'utiliser des exercices de réflexion et d'auto-évaluation, tels que le Wheel of Life et les 'vérités', pour comprendre ce que l'on veut vraiment. Ensuite, il recommande de définir des objectifs et de mettre en place un processus structuré pour atteindre ces objectifs, en joie et en appréciant le voyage.

Outlines

00:00

🌲 Définir ses aspirations et situation actuelle

Le paragraphe aborde l'importance de comprendre ce que l'on souhaite vraiment et de se situer actuellement dans la vie. Il utilise l'analogy d'être perdu dans une forêt pour expliquer qu'il est essentiel de connaître son destination, sa position actuelle et le chemin pour y parvenir. Le narrateur mentionne qu'il est l'épisode deux d'une série sur la découverte de ce que l'on souhaite vraiment, et souligne la nécessité de ne pas se décourager face aux grandes questions de la vie. Il encourage les spectateurs à ne pas surcharger leur réflexion et à donner une chance à l'exercice pour obtenir plus de clarté sur leurs désirs authentiques.

05:01

📝 Évaluation de la situation actuelle avec l'exercice de la Roue de la Vie

Dans ce paragraphe, l'animateur propose un exercice appelé 'la Roue de la Vie' pour évaluer en détail son situation actuelle dans différents domaines de la vie. Il divise la roue en catégories telles que le travail, la santé, les relations et le bonheur, et explique comment attribuer une note sur une échelle de zéro à dix pour chaque domaine. L'animateur partage ses propres notes pour chaque catégorie, montrant comment identifier les domaines qui fonctionnent bien et ceux qui nécessitent une amélioration. Il encourage les spectateurs à effectuer ce test et à réfléchir à leurs propres notes pour mieux comprendre leur situation actuelle.

10:03

🤔 Identifier ses vérités personnelles

Le narrateur présente un exercice appelé 'vérités' pour aider à comprendre soi-même et ses désirs. Il montre comment établir une liste de vérités personnelles, des affirmations positives sur soi qui sont vraies et inébranlables. L'animateur souligne l'importance de se concentrer sur les aspects positifs de soi-même plutôt que négatifs. Il propose également de réfléchir à ce que l'on souhaiterait que soit vrai d'ici un an, en utilisant le même format d'affirmations positives. L'objectif est de créer une vision plus authentique de ce que l'on désire vraiment, plutôt que de suivre les désirs imposés par la société.

15:05

🔄 Réfléchir à reculons pour avancer

Dans ce paragraphe, l'animateur discute de la manière dont on peut comprendre ce que l'on veut en réfléchissant à reculons. Il introduit le concept de 'mimetic desire', qui suggère que nos désirs sont souvent influencés par ce que les autres personnes veulent. Pour éviter cela, il propose plusieurs méthodes, notamment la rédaction d'histoires d'accomplissement et la réalisation d'un audit énergétique pour identifier les activités qui apportent de l'énergie ou qui la drainent. L'animateur partage ses propres expériences avec ces méthodes et comment elles l'ont aidé à comprendre ce qui lui donne réellement de l'énergie et ce qui est authentique pour lui.

20:07

🚀 Définir le succès sur sa propre définition

Le paragraphe final met en évidence comment toutes les activités et exercices précédents contribuent à définir ce qui est vraiment important pour soi-même et à travailler vers ces objectifs tout en appréciant le parcours. L'animateur souligne que le succès estsubjectif et doit être basé sur les choses qui comptent pour l'individu, pas simplement sur ce que la société considère comme un succès. Il encourage les spectateurs à utiliser les outils et les réflexions présentés dans la vidéo pour déterminer ce qu'ils veulent vraiment et à poursuivre ces objectifs avec passion et engagement.

Keywords

💡compas

Le compas est utilisé dans le script comme une métaphore pour指引方向 et la direction dans laquelle une personne veut aller dans la vie. Il est mentionné dans le contexte de l'importance de savoir où l'on veut aller, ce qui aide à ne pas se perdre dans la vie, tout comme ne pas se perdre dans une forêt.

💡Wheel of Life

L'exercice 'Wheel of Life' est une méthode pour évaluer et analyser les différents domaines de la vie d'une personne. Il consiste à diviser une roue en parties correspondant à des catégories telles que le travail, la santé, les relations et le bonheur, puis à noter sur une échelle de 0 à 10 le degré de satisfaction ou d'alignement dans chacun de ces domaines.

💡mimetic desire

Le désir mimétique est une théorie selon laquelle les désirs des individus sont souvent influencés par ce que veulent les autres personnes autour d'eux plutôt que par une authenticité interne. Cette notion est utilisée pour expliquer comment les gens peuvent être amenés à vouloir des choses qui ne sont pas réellement en accord avec leurs propres valeurs ou désirs authentiques.

💡fulfillment stories

Les 'fulfillment stories' sont des récits personnels où une personne a accompli quelque chose qu'elle a considéré comme réussi et qui lui a apporté un sens de la satisfaction et de l'accomplissement. Ces histoires aident à identifier les activités ou les situations qui donnent un sentiment de réussite et de fulfillment.

💡energy audit

Un 'energy audit' est un exercice consistant à analyser les activités récentes d'une personne pour déterminer quelles d'entre elles lui donnent de l'énergie et quelles en retirent. Cela permet d'identifier les types d'activités qui sont les plus en harmonie avec les besoins et les désirs authentiques de la personne.

💡North Star

La 'North Star' est une métaphore pour désigner l'objectif ou la direction fondamentale qui guide les actions et les décisions d'une personne. C'est l'équivalent de l'étoile Polaire qui guide les navigateurs dans le sens du nord.

💡self-reflection

La 'self-reflection' est le processus d'examen et d'analyse de ses propres pensées, émotions, comportements et expériences. Dans le contexte du script, c'est une étape clé pour comprendre ce que l'on veut vraiment et pour identifier les domaines de la vie qui nécessitent un changement ou une amélioration.

💡authenticity

L'authenticité fait référence à l'état d'être fidèle à soi-même, à vos propres valeurs et désirs, plutôt que de se conformer aux attentes des autres ou aux normes sociales. Dans le script, l'authenticité est soulignée comme un élément crucial pour déterminer ce que l'on veut vraiment dans la vie.

💡goals

Les 'goals' sont les objectifs que l'on se fixe pour atteindre certains résultats dans la vie. Ils sont souvent le résultat d'une réflexion profonde sur ce que l'on veut vraiment et sont utilisés pour planifier les étapes nécessaires pour y parvenir.

💡self-worth

La 'self-worth' est la valeur que l'on se attribue en tant qu'individu, basée sur la perception de ses compétences, de ses réussites et de sa valeur en tant que personne. Elle est essentielle pour la confiance en soi et la motivation.

Highlights

Understanding one's true desires and life direction requires a clear sense of one's current situation.

The metaphor of being lost in a forest illustrates the importance of knowing where you're going, where you are, and how to get to your destination.

Self-reflection on work and life, identifying what's working and what's not, can provide clarity on personal satisfaction and goals.

The Wheel of Life exercise is a tool for assessing satisfaction in various life areas, such as work, health, relationships, and joy.

The concept of 'mimetic desire' suggests that our wants are often influenced by the desires of those around us.

Fulfillment stories from one's life can reveal genuine desires and provide insight into what brings a sense of achievement and satisfaction.

An energy audit helps identify activities that give or drain energy, guiding one towards work and pursuits that align with their true desires.

Truth statements, both past and future, can solidify one's identity and reinforce what is genuinely important to them.

The video series aims to help viewers understand what they truly want and how to achieve it through self-reflection and goal setting.

The importance of not overthinking and just starting the process of self-discovery is emphasized to avoid getting stuck in indecision.

Writing down thoughts and answers to self-reflective questions can provide more clarity than just thinking about them.

The video provides practical exercises and prompts to guide viewers in evaluating their current situation and future aspirations.

Success is defined as working towards the things that matter to an individual while enjoying the journey.

Skillshare is recommended as a resource for personal and professional growth, offering a variety of online classes.

The video encourages viewers to take action and pursue goals to improve motivation and satisfaction in life.

Transcripts

So if you really want to understand what you truly want,

and like where you actually want to go in life,

it's really important that you get a very strong sense

of where you are right now.

So imagine you're in a forest

and maybe you're lost in this forest.

There are kind of three things that you need to do

to become unstuck and to get not lost in the forest.

Step one is that you kind of need to know

where you're going.

Step two is that you need to know where you are right now.

And step three is that you need to figure out your path

to get from where you are right now to where you want to be.

And now you won't be lost in that forest

and then you won't be lost in life anymore.

And to help address all of this stuff,

this is episode two in a little mini series

that we're doing here on the channel

about how to figure out what you really want.

And in episode number one,

which will be linked up there and in the video description,

we try to figure out what is our North Star?

Like based on what we want our future to look like,

where is that destination?

What direction are we broadly trying to go in?

And now in this video,

we're gonna figure out where we are right now.

And we're also gonna be looking back at our past

and our present to help get the sense

of how to figure out what we really want.

We are trying to tackle some very big questions here

that can get very big and very heavy.

But the key thing is to not let ourselves get discouraged

by the fact that we're trying to answer these big questions.

Really what we're trying to do is act as adventurers.

We're on this little adventure through life

and we're just trying to figure out,

where are we right now?

And what is the compass telling us

about where we kind of wanna be?

And we don't need to overthink it.

It's so easy to overthink this stuff,

but what I would encourage you to do is just give it a go.

And I guarantee if you just give it a go

and think about the things and maybe even write them down,

you'll get a little bit more clarity

on what you actually want,

which is part of the point of the series.

All right, so let's start with part one of this video,

which is taking stock of where we are right now.

And the first prompt that we can consider here

is fairly simple.

It's when it comes to work right now,

what's working and what's not working?

And I'd love for you to pause the video right now

and think about the answer to the question.

When it comes to your work,

what's working and what's not working?

And do consider writing down your answers,

give us clarity in a way

that just thinking about this stuff really doesn't.

And so if I rewind a few years,

and if I were asking myself when it comes to my work,

what's working and what's not working,

right now I'm a foundation year two doctor.

I'm working in obstetrics and gynecology

in West Suffolk Hospital in Bury St. Edmunds.

And I would say what's working is the fact that

it's pretty fun assisting in emergency cesarean sections.

I really enjoy seeing patients on my own

and I love being able to make a management plan

and then running it past a senior

so that they can check my work

and make sure I'm doing things in a reasonable fashion.

I also love the fact that especially in the evenings,

I'm able to have enough time on the side

to be able to tinker away with some YouTube video scripts

and work on my business and stuff

when it's a little bit quiet.

What's not working is the fact that

I don't really look forward to going in.

I get the Sunday night scaries

when it's Monday the next morning.

It's an hour long drive to go to work and also back again.

And I quite enjoy the drives

because I listen to fantasy fiction audio books,

usually by Brandon Sanderson on the way.

But then when I get to work, I'm like,

oh, I just wanna keep on listening to this audio book.

I don't wanna actually go in.

Once I'm in, it's pretty reasonable,

but there are a few colleagues

that I don't really get on with, one in particular.

And I also have a sense of like,

I don't really know where this career is taking me

because I feel like I don't have a sense of

where I actually want my medical career to go just yet.

So it sort of feels like I'm on a bit of a hamster wheel

just waiting for this year

of being a foundation year doctor to end

so that I can then like make a decision

about what I really want.

And I feel like my life is being run by a roto coordinator

rather than that I'm in control of my own life.

I'm just telling you what my answers would have been

just to give you a sense of like,

this is the sort of thing that we're trying to get at.

And then we can do exactly the same thing for our life.

So when it comes to my life,

what's working and what's not working.

And if you need a bit of a prompt,

life is usually mostly personal health and relationships.

Those tend to be the things that make up life.

Although some people would say that play or joy

is part of life or like growth is part of life.

You know what life means to you.

So I'd encourage you to pause the video right now

if you haven't already and think about the answer

to that question for yourself and maybe even write it down.

Now, based on just those two questions right now,

you should already have a reasonable sense

of where you are in life right now,

which is useful for figuring out what you want.

But another more specific way of assessing

where you are in life is something called

the Wheel of Life exercise.

I've mentioned this in my book,

Feel Good Productivity, which has just become

a New York Times and Sunday Times bestseller.

So thank you everyone for your support on that.

And I also mentioned it in a couple of previous videos.

So if you've done this exercise already,

you don't need to do it again,

but this is the exercise for those of you

who haven't come across it before.

You're gonna start by, for example,

drawing a circle on a page

and you split it up into three components.

Work, health, and relationships.

Now, within each of these three components,

you split them up into another three components.

So within health, for example,

I would say body, mind, and soul.

Relationships, I would categorize into romance,

family, and friends.

And work, I would categorize into mission,

money, and growth.

And then I would add a final category,

which is outside of the wheel,

and I would call it joy, the joy category.

Now, these are sort of 10 different areas of life.

And the idea of the Wheel of Life exercise

is that you rate yourself from a scale of zero to 10,

how aligned do you feel in this area of your life?

Or how satisfied am I with the progress

I'm making in this area of my life?

So for example, if you wanna be a billionaire

and you're not yet a billionaire,

but you're like taking steps to get there,

you might rate yourself quite high on the money front,

even if you're not a billionaire yet,

if you get what I mean.

So this diagram is gonna be on screen,

and I would suggest you pause the video

and just think, what are your answers

to these 10 different prompts?

I'm just gonna run you through my scores

for whatever it's worth.

Right now, I would give physical health or body

a nine out of 10,

because I've just signed up to a personal trainer

and I've hit the gym very frequently

in the last couple of weeks.

The mind category I would say is at a 10,

and the soul category I would probably say is like a four.

In terms of relationships, romance is probably a nine,

family is probably a seven,

friends is probably a five,

and in terms of the work category,

mission is nine, money is 10,

and growth I would say is probably a six.

And in the joy category,

I would say joy is probably a six out of 10.

And often that's all it takes to do this exercise.

Sometimes I just think about it

if I'm like waiting in line somewhere

or if I'm on the toilet,

I'll just think, hmm, what are my wheel of life scores?

And then I'll just run through the categories

and think about the numbers.

And then usually once I've thought about the numbers,

I'll identify a clear area where I'm like,

ooh, that's an area that I wanna work on.

So as I just did this exercise live,

I realized, ooh, my friends category

is only like a five out of 10.

Yeah, it's because I haven't actually seen

some friends in a while.

And I'm actually in London for the next month,

so I should probably just reach out to a bunch of people

and be like, hey, do you wanna hang out?

Which is not what I'm gonna do

straight after filming this video.

See, we've already made progress

on things that matter to us

just by virtue of doing the self-reflection exercise.

Now, whenever I do this exercise with people in real life,

there are always some people in the audience,

and this might be you,

who rate themselves very low.

And if you're rating yourself very low

across all areas of life,

then I suspect you're the kind of person

who's probably a little bit harsh to yourself.

You're probably pretty kind to your friends or family.

You're probably pretty critical of yourself.

So that's just one thing to say.

It's like, you know, let's not be too pessimistic

about these different scores.

It's important to really look for positive evidence here.

Like, if you have rated everything a zero,

I highly, highly doubt that every single thing

in your life is a zero.

So if even some of the categories are anything above zero,

what you can do is ask yourself,

what is it that makes this category a three

rather than a zero?

What am I giving myself points for?

And then you can ask yourself,

okay, what would it take to get it to a four?

What would it take to get it to a five?

We're not shooting for 10 out of 10 here.

We're just shooting for a little marginal improvement,

because often figuring out what we want

is about figuring out what are the marginal improvements

I want to make in this area of my life.

If, for example, you're only making a few hundred dollars

a month, and you would like to be making

hundreds of thousands of dollars a month,

and that might be your 10 out of 10,

let's not shoot for that right now.

Let's just go from like, you know,

what would it take for me to, I don't know,

increase my income by 10% or 20%, you know,

things like that.

And, you know, there is that phrase,

it's not about the pursuit of happiness,

it's about the happiness of pursuit.

We should concern ourselves not so much

with the pursuit of happiness,

but with the happiness of pursuit.

Like pursuing something and feeling ourselves

making progress towards a goal

that we've set for ourselves is profoundly motivating.

So if you're feeling demotivated by the exercise,

taking action and actually moving forwards

in some of these areas that you want to work on

will, I promise, improve your motivation

by an absolutely huge amount.

Now, once you've done this Wheel of Life exercise,

if you realise that your growth category

is a little bit suboptimal,

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And now we come to the final exercise

of part one of this video,

which is about figuring out where we are.

And this is the truths exercise.

Now to explain this exercise,

I wanna show a clip from a podcast interview

that I did with my friend and business coach, Robin Waite.

And this was filmed about seven months ago.

List off 10 things that you know are true about you.

Right now?

Yeah, right now.

Okay, 10 things that I know are true about me.

Yeah.

Are we talking, I mean like-

Anything, life, business doesn't matter.

I'm male.

Yeah.

I'm five foot 11 and a half,

but I go by six foot one on hinge.

Yeah.

I enjoy playing video games,

though I don't make much time for it.

I enjoy reading books.

I have a YouTube channel.

I have a podcast.

I went to medical school.

I vaguely enjoyed working as a doctor.

I used to play chess and would like to get more into it.

I like playing the guitar.

I love musical theater and Ed Sheeran, Taylor Swift.

I'd like to release an album of songs one day.

Cool.

I think that's about 10.

I've come up with a hundred different things,

a thousand different things

which you know to be true about you.

And the thing is, nobody can take those away.

So you saw here what I did.

It felt a bit uncomfortable initially,

but I was like, whoa, like, what do you mean?

But then I listed a bunch of these truths about myself.

And we actually got a bunch of different people

in our team to do this as well.

And this is a really valuable exercise.

You know, there's that phrase,

you can't read the label from inside the bottle.

Often, you know, we're inside the bottle of our own lives.

It's very hard for us to see the label

that's on that bottle.

And it's so easy for us to think of ourselves as like,

oh, I'm not making progress.

I'm not doing this.

But by listing out these truths about ourselves,

things that we know to be true,

it actually often gives us a sense of,

oh yeah, that is who I am.

That is how far I've come.

That is what I'm doing.

And you know, I do have these friends

and I do have this family

and this is what I do for work

and this is what I do for fun.

The other thing is that you want these

to be positive statements.

Please do not write negative statements about yourself.

Think about what you do have and who you are

rather than what you don't have and who you are not.

And we're gonna do part two of this exercise

in part two of this video.

And hopefully you'll see how these truths

become relevant as part of figuring out

what we really want.

Alrighty, let's move on to part two of the video,

which is how to actually know what you want.

And we're gonna use a little technique here,

which is about looking backwards

in order to look forwards.

Now, before we go there,

I wanna say there is one major mistake

that a lot of people make

when it comes to thinking about what they really want.

And that's the idea of mimetic desire.

Now, this is a theory that a philosopher

called Rene Girard came up with like a few decades ago.

And there's a really good book about it.

It's called Wanting by Luke Burgess.

And this book is all about kind of why we want

the things that we think we want.

And basically to cut a long story short,

mimetic desire is the idea that the things that we want

are often not shaped by some sort of internal sense of self,

some internal authenticity.

The things that we want are often shaped

by what people around us want.

If a friend or a neighbor has bought a Tesla Model 3,

you're gonna be much more likely to spontaneously decide

that you also want a Tesla Model 3.

If a friend has got a promotion,

you're gonna think, oh, I should be getting that promotion.

Now, there's no getting around the fact that like,

you know, we live in society and humans are social creatures.

And so there's naturally gonna be an element of mimesis

in basically everything we do.

But there are a few different strategies

that we can use to make sure

that things we're working towards

are actually authentic to us.

And method number one for this is fulfillment stories.

And the prompt is to think about or write about a time

in your life when you did something well,

and it brought you a sense of fulfillment.

When in your life did you do something well

that brought you a sense of fulfillment?

Now, a fulfillment story needs to have these three things.

And here I'm gonna read some highlights

from the book, Wanting, by Luke Burgess.

Number one, it's an action.

You took some concrete action

and you were the main protagonist

as opposed to passively taking in an experience.

As life-changing as a Springsteen concert

at the Stone Pony might've been for you,

it's not a fulfillment story.

It might be for Bruce, but not for you.

Dedicating yourself to learning everything about an artist

and their work, on the other hand, could be.

Second, you believe you did well.

You did it with excellence.

You did it well by your own estimation and nobody else's.

You are looking for an achievement that matters to you.

If you grilled what you think

is a perfect ribeye steak the other night,

then you did something well and achieved something.

Don't worry about how big or small the achievement

might seem to anyone else.

And number three, it brought you a sense of fulfillment.

Your action brought you a deep sense of fulfillment,

maybe even joy.

Not the fleeting temporary kind like an endorphin rush.

Fulfillment.

You woke up the next morning

and you felt a sense of satisfaction about it.

You still do.

Just thinking about it brings some of it back.

And the idea here is that you wanna identify

three to five or more, potentially,

fulfillment stories from your life

where you did something, you did it well,

and it brought you a sense of fulfillment.

And this gives you a sense of what you actually want,

but in a way that's probably distinct

from what society is telling you.

Now, when I think about these fulfillment stories,

one of the most salient ones that comes to my mind,

just to give you an example,

is when I was the director of the medical school pantomime

in my fifth year of medical school.

This was a pantomime that we put together,

whereas I was directing it with a friend,

his name's Will, it was great, amazing experience.

We got like a hundred different medical students together

from all year groups, and we produced this pantomime

that was a bit of like a sort of parody of Hercules

with a bunch of like medical songs and stuff.

It was absolutely sick.

I guess you had to be there.

But one of the things I still remember,

this was years ago, this was like seven years ago.

It still almost brings a tear to my eye

when I think about it to this day,

because we were all working together

to produce this thing that was greater

than we were as individuals.

And so it was this combination of like teamwork

and togetherness for the sake of something greater.

You know, we didn't make any money from it.

Like that wasn't the goal.

No one was being paid to do any of this stuff,

pure voluntary effort, where I also felt

like I was leveling up and learning something.

The fact that that is one of my fulfillment stories

gives me a sense of, maybe I want more

of those sorts of experiences where I'm leveling up,

where I'm working with people,

where we're working towards something that's bigger

than any of us are individually.

That's pretty freaking cool.

Alrighty, method number two now

for figuring out what you want is by doing an energy audit.

So the idea here is that you look back on your calendar

or the activities that you've done in the last,

let's say two weeks, and you want to figure out

which were the ones that gave you energy

and which were the ones that drained your energy.

Now, if you're looking at your calendar,

you might adjust the calendar event.

Like if it gave you a lot of energy,

you put a plus or a double plus by the thing.

And that's a sign that it gave you energy.

If it drained your energy, you put a minus

or a minus minus or a plus minus

if it was like a little bit neutral.

I think this exercise is from Grace Lorden's book

called Think Big, but the guys who wrote the book

Designing Your Life also have a similar one

which they call the Good Time Journal,

where you rate your energy and engagement

in each of these different activities.

So what I would suggest is that you pause the video

right now, if you would please, and just think about

what are some things that you did in the last week

that gave you energy, and what are some things

that you did that really drained your energy?

That'll give you a bit more of a sense

of trying to figure out what you really want.

Now, this energy audit is particularly important

when it comes to work, because if you can find

the things related to work that give you energy,

that gives you a pretty reasonable sense

of what kind of work you actually want to do.

For example, I find for myself, tinkering away

on a website landing page and doing website design

and development gives me a lot of energy

for some weird reason.

And that's probably why I've been tinkering away

with websites for the last 15, 16, 17 nearly years

of my life, my goodness, I'm old.

But for me, doing very detail-oriented work

and looking through spreadsheets and data and stuff,

that tends to drain my energy rather than give me energy.

Whereas there are people on my team,

there are friends of mine who fricking love a spreadsheet.

They love being in the weeds with the data,

and that lights them up, and that is amazing

that there are people like that out there.

Actually, interestingly, on that note,

at various points in my life, I have thought,

you know what, I should get back into playing video games,

because I used to love playing World of Warcraft

back in the day, I used to be so addicted to it.

And earlier this year, I was like, you know,

started playing Baldur's Gate,

I was playing Hogwarts Legacy last year,

and I would always do a little bit of an energy audit

after a while, and I would ask myself,

does sitting down and playing video games give me energy,

or does it drain my energy?

And annoyingly, it drains my energy a lot of the time.

And that's kind of annoying, because I'm like,

oh, maybe actually this whole, like,

I wanna play more video games,

is actually just me clinging to an identity

that I had when I was 14 years old.

And actually, for my life right now,

playing video games is actually a drain of energy,

rather than something that gives me energy.

It gives me joy, sure, and it's totally okay

to do things that drain your energy,

but they also give you joy.

So it's something I'm a little bit unsure about.

But, you know, it's often the things

that we think will give us energy

don't actually give us energy.

This is another, just as a side note,

a tip for dealing with burnout

that we talk about in the book.

But either way, the point of doing the energy audit

is that it helps you figure out

what it is that you really want.

And now the final method for how to figure out

what you really want by looking backwards to look forwards

is to add in some more truth statements.

So if you saw the early bit in the video,

I'm now gonna play the rest of that conversation

with Robin.

In 12 months time, what do you want to be true about you?

I'd like to be a published author.

I'd like to have written a book I'm proud of.

I'd like to have shored up the foundations of the business.

I'd like to have lived in Austin for a bit.

You know, a few things like that.

Okay, so one little tweak to that

is the language which you used.

So you said, I'm going to, I'm going to.

So when you say I'm going to,

it kind of gives you permission

to kind of put it off into the future, okay?

So when you're creating future truths,

you have to treat them like they've already happened.

So you just change the language to I have, I am.

Cool.

I'm a published author.

I have lived in Austin for a few months.

I've written a book I'm proud of.

I am currently working on my second book.

I have built my business

in a sort of sensible, operationally effective way, et cetera.

Yeah, there you go.

So that's Ali's identity in 12 months time.

That's who you are, okay?

But literally I have a list of like a hundred truths,

all of those things,

both future ones and pre-existing ones

I know are true about me.

Whenever I have that moment of self-doubt,

I go back to that.

And I look at the legacy which I built up

and I look at who I am as in my makeup,

my identity, everything.

And it makes me feel good.

Am I more or less likely to do stuff when I feel good?

More likely to do stuff.

Yeah, so you're gonna kick on.

You're gonna see those challenges

that you might see as challenges.

They're gonna be just,

we're just gonna have taken the edge off it

by just giving yourself a little boost

of self-confidence and self-worth.

Because these things are true,

can't be taken away from you.

So that was filmed seven months ago.

And actually since then,

I have now become a published author

and our business operations are now more streamlined

and I actually spent like two weeks living in Austin

rather than a few months

because various other things came up.

It was interesting how asking that question,

what are some truths that you would like to be true

about yourself 12 months from now,

also gives you that sense a little bit more authentically

of what are the things that you really want.

All of this stuff really feeds into a definition of success

that I like,

which is that success is working towards

the things that matter to you

and enjoying the journey along the way.

Now, if you've been through this video,

firstly, well-played,

if you're one of the 10% of people

that get to the end of long YouTube videos like this one,

you probably want success and happiness and fulfillment,

but you probably want it on your own terms, right?

You don't just want

what someone else's definition of success is

or what like more money or more accolades

or more status, more achievements,

all that stuff that society tells us

should be our definition of success.

It's figuring out what matters to you

and working towards it while enjoying the journey.

And the point of this series

is to make that first bit easier,

to that first bit of figuring out

what really matters to you.

Because you can do whatever you want.

You can do whatever you set your mind to,

but you can't do everything that you want.

And so it's worth really drilling down

to what do you actually want?

What is the goal?

What is the North Star?

What are we trying to do here?

Because if we know what the goal is,

if we know what we want,

then the how takes care of itself.

Like the process of getting there

is then easy enough to figure out.

But what I'm hoping is that this video

and some of the prompts in this video

and also some of the last video,

which will be linked up there and down there

if you haven't seen it,

these prompts will give you more of a sense

of figuring out what you want.

Now, if you haven't seen episode one

of this little mini series,

that'll be linked right over there.

And if you have worked through episode one

and you'd like to see episode three,

that will be right over there.

And that is gonna be about how to get

from where you are to where you wanna go

through a structured process of dreaming

and goal setting, our favorite thing.

So thank you so much for watching.

Have a lovely day and I'll see you in the next video.

Bye-bye.