George Saunders Convocation Speech 2013

Summary

In this commencement address, Professor George Saunders reflects on life's lessons, emphasizing the importance of kindness. He shares anecdotes from his past, including a poignant story about a classmate named 'Ellen,' to illustrate the regret he feels for not being kinder. Saunders challenges the graduates to prioritize compassion, suggesting that as they age, they will naturally become less selfish. He encourages them to actively seek ways to cultivate kindness, to let love replace self, and to live a life that leans towards the big questions, all the while pursuing their ambitions.

Takeaways

• 🎓 The commencement speech tradition often involves an experienced individual sharing life advice with younger, energetic graduates.
• 🙏 Professor George Saunders regrets not showing more kindness in moments when it was needed, highlighting the importance of empathy and compassion.
• 🤔 Saunders suggests that we are born with inherent confusions that lead us to prioritize our own needs over others, which can hinder our natural kindness.
• 🌟 He encourages graduates to strive for kindness, as it is a quality that resonates deeply with people and leaves a lasting positive impact.
• 🧠 Saunders points out that our inherent selfishness is a 'sickness' that can be treated with practices like prayer, meditation, and engaging with art.
• 👶 Aging can naturally lead to a decrease in selfishness and an increase in love and kindness, as life experiences teach us the value of interconnectedness.
• 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Having children can be a significant catalyst for personal growth, as parents often find their own well-being less important than their children's.
• 🚀 While ambition is important, Saunders warns against letting the pursuit of success overshadow the bigger questions of life, such as kindness and love.
• 🌈 He advises graduates to start their journey towards becoming kinder and more loving immediately, as it is a lifelong process that enriches life.
• 💊 Saunders metaphorically describes the pursuit of kindness as a treatment for selfishness, encouraging graduates to be proactive in seeking 'anti-selfishness medicines'.
• 🌟 He concludes by expressing a hopeful vision for the graduates' futures, where they become so kind and loving that they are 'nearly unbearable' in their positivity.

Q & A

Who is the speaker in the transcript?

The speaker in the transcript is Professor George Saunders.

What is the main theme of Professor Saunders' speech?

The main theme of the speech is the importance of kindness and the regret of failures in showing kindness.

What does Professor Saunders regret most in his life?

Professor Saunders regrets most his failures of kindness, particularly when he did not act more kindly towards a new student named 'ELLEN' in his seventh grade.

Why does Professor Saunders believe that people are not kinder?

Professor Saunders believes people are not kinder due to built-in confusions that prioritize our own needs over others, stemming from a sense of being central, separate, and permanent.

What advice does Professor Saunders give to the audience about becoming kinder?

Professor Saunders advises the audience to seek out ways to become kinder, such as through education, art, prayer, meditation, and engaging in spiritual traditions.

How does Professor Saunders suggest that people naturally become kinder with age?

Professor Saunders suggests that as people age, they naturally become kinder through experiences of life, learning from failures, and realizing the impermanence of life.

What does Professor Saunders predict will happen to the audience as they grow older?

Professor Saunders predicts that as the audience grows older, their sense of self will diminish, and they will grow in love, becoming more kind and loving.

What is the 'end-of-speech advice' that Professor Saunders gives?

The 'end-of-speech advice' is to hurry up the process of becoming kinder and more loving, starting right now, and to err in the direction of kindness in all endeavors.

What does Professor Saunders suggest people should do to counteract selfishness?

Professor Saunders suggests people should seek out the most effective 'anti-selfishness medicines' and be proactive in nurturing their luminous, kind nature.

How does Professor Saunders view the role of ambition in the pursuit of kindness?

While acknowledging the importance of ambition and accomplishment, Professor Saunders warns against letting the pursuit of success overshadow the bigger questions of life, including the cultivation of kindness.

Outlines

00:00

🎓 Reflections on Kindness and Life's Regrets

In this commencement speech, Professor George Saunders begins by acknowledging the traditional format of such addresses, where an experienced individual shares advice with the young. He humorously refers to himself as an 'old fart' and the audience as 'shining, energetic young people.' Saunders then shares his life experiences, including moments of poverty, challenging jobs, and embarrassing incidents, which he does not regret. However, he expresses deep regret over a failure of kindness in his youth towards a classmate named 'ELLEN.' He recounts how she was ignored and teased, and how he, despite not being unkind to her, did not take action to defend her. Saunders emphasizes that his greatest regret is not the hardships he faced but the times he failed to show kindness. He concludes by suggesting that kindness is the most important quality to cultivate, and he encourages the graduates to reflect on who they remember most fondly in their lives, likely those who were kindest to them.

05:02

🌟 The Pursuit of Kindness and Self-Understanding

Professor Saunders delves into the reasons why people are not naturally kinder, attributing it to inherent confusions that are possibly rooted in Darwinian instincts. He outlines three core misconceptions: the belief in our centrality to the universe, our separation from it, and our permanence despite the reality of death. These misconceptions, he argues, lead to selfishness and a prioritization of our own needs over others. Saunders suggests various ways to counteract these tendencies, such as education, engaging with art, prayer, meditation, and spiritual traditions. He acknowledges that becoming kinder is a complex process but one that can be accelerated with self-reflection and conscious effort. He also notes that as people age, they tend to become less selfish and more loving, often due to life's challenges and the realization of their interconnectedness with others. Saunders ends this section by advising the graduates to start their journey towards kindness immediately, as it is a lifelong pursuit that encompasses more than just simple acts of goodwill.

10:03

💖 Embracing Kindness and Personal Growth

In the final paragraph, Saunders likens the inherent selfishness in humans to a sickness but assures the audience that there is a cure. He encourages them to be proactive in seeking out 'anti-selfishness medicines,' which he metaphorically describes as practices and experiences that promote kindness and selflessness. Saunders advises the graduates to pursue their ambitions but to always err on the side of kindness. He suggests that they should engage in activities that lead them to ponder life's big questions and avoid those that trivialize their existence. He speaks to the luminous part of the human spirit, the soul, which he believes is as bright in every individual as it was in historical figures like Shakespeare, Gandhi, and Mother Teresa. Saunders concludes by urging the graduates to clear away anything that separates them from this inner light, to nurture it, and to share its fruits. He ends with a warm and humorous prediction of their future kindness and a wish for their happiness and success.

Keywords

💡Kindness

Kindness refers to the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. In the context of the video, it is the central theme where the speaker reflects on his life and regrets not being kinder more often. The speaker encourages the audience to prioritize kindness and suggests it as a guiding principle for life, as it is something that brings warmth and fond memories, as illustrated by the contrast between his own actions and the kindness of others he remembers.

💡Regret

Regret is a feeling of sadness or disappointment over something that has happened or been done, especially when it involves a loss or missed opportunity. The speaker uses his own regrets as a teaching tool, highlighting that his greatest regrets stem from 'failures of kindness.' This keyword is pivotal as it sets the tone for the advice given to the audience, urging them to learn from his experiences and act with more kindness to avoid similar regrets.

💡Mistakes

Mistakes are errors in action, calculation, judgment, or memory; they are also the lessons we learn from. The script mentions a series of dreadful mistakes made by the speaker, positioning them as a natural part of life from which wisdom can be gained. The speaker's approach to his past mistakes is to use them as a foundation for offering advice to the younger generation, emphasizing the value of learning from one's errors.

💡Selfishness

Selfishness is the quality of being concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself. The speaker identifies selfishness as a built-in confusion that hinders kindness. He suggests that overcoming selfishness is essential for personal growth and becoming kinder. The script uses the concept of selfishness as an obstacle to be overcome, encouraging the audience to be more selfless and considerate of others.

💡Darwinian

Darwinian refers to the evolutionary theories of Charles Darwin, particularly the idea of natural selection and survival of the fittest. The speaker mentions 'Darwinian confusions' to describe the innate, self-centered biases that may have had evolutionary advantages but now impede our ability to be kind. This keyword is used to provide a scientific context for the human tendency toward selfishness and to suggest that overcoming these tendencies is a form of modern evolution.

💡Centrality

Centrality, in the video, refers to the belief that one is the most important or significant entity. The speaker discusses this as one of the built-in confusions that lead to selfish behavior. It is used to explain why people might prioritize their own needs over others, which contradicts the desire to be kinder and more compassionate.

💡Separateness

Separateness is the state of being apart or detached from others. The script uses the concept to describe a false belief that we are disconnected from the world and others around us. This illusion of separateness is identified as a barrier to empathy and kindness, which the speaker encourages the audience to challenge and overcome.

💡Permanence

Permanence is the state of lasting or enduring indefinitely. In the context of the video, the speaker discusses the illusion of personal permanence, where individuals mistakenly believe they will live forever. This belief is presented as a hindrance to living fully in the present and being kinder, as it can lead to a disregard for the impermanence of life and the urgency of compassionate action.

💡Accomplishment

Accomplishment refers to the successful completion or achievement of something. The speaker acknowledges the drive for accomplishment as natural and necessary but also warns against its potential to overshadow the pursuit of kindness and personal growth. The keyword serves as a reminder to balance ambition with the cultivation of kindness and compassion.

💡Ambition

Ambition is a strong desire to do or achieve something, typically requiring determination and hard work. The script uses ambition as a double-edged sword; it is a driving force for success but can also lead to neglect of kindness and personal relationships. The speaker advises the audience to maintain ambition while ensuring it does not consume one's entire life at the expense of kindness.

💡Self-diminishment

Self-diminishment is the process of reducing the importance or size of one's self, often in favor of others. The speaker predicts and wishes for the audience that as they age, their sense of self will diminish, allowing love and kindness to grow. This keyword encapsulates the idea of personal evolution from a self-centered to a more altruistic and compassionate state.

Highlights

Professor George Saunders begins his speech by acknowledging the traditional form of commencement addresses.

He humorously describes himself as an 'old fart' giving advice to 'shining, energetic young people'.

Saunders shares his life regrets, focusing on failures of kindness rather than material or physical experiences.

He recounts a specific regret involving a new, shy classmate named 'ELLEN' and the lack of kindness shown towards her.

Saunders emphasizes the importance of being kinder, suggesting it's a central goal in life.

He questions why humans aren't kinder by default, attributing it to innate, Darwinian-based confusions.

Saunders identifies three core confusions: centrality to the universe, separation from it, and the illusion of permanence.

He suggests that despite intellectual awareness, people act on these confusions, leading to selfish behavior.

The professor encourages the audience to find ways to become more loving and present, mentioning education and spiritual traditions.

Saunders notes that kindness often increases with age, as life experiences counter the innate confusions.

He quotes the poet Hayden Carruth, highlighting the transformation towards love as one ages.

Saunders predicts and wishes that the graduates will gradually replace their self with love.

He acknowledges the cyclical nature of ambition and the pressure to succeed.

The professor advises the graduates to hurry in their journey towards kindness, starting immediately.

Saunders encourages the pursuit of anti-selfishness as a lifelong endeavor.

He advises the audience to err on the side of kindness and to engage with the big questions of life.

The speech concludes with a heartfelt wish for the graduates' happiness, luck, and a beautiful summer.

Transcripts

[Dean George Langford speaking] George is one of our most accomplished professors.

And it was really gracious of him to agree to be our speaker today.

Please join me now to welcome Professor George Saunders [clapping]

Hi everybody, congratulations you did a great job.

Down through the ages, a traditional form has evolved for this type of speech, which is:

Some old fart, his best years behind him, who, over the course of his life,

has made a series of dreadful mistakes (that would be me),

gives heartfelt advice to a group of shining, energetic young people, with all of their best years ahead of them

(that would be you).

And I intend to respect that tradition.

Now, one useful thing you can do with an old person, in addition to borrowing money from them,

or asking them to do one of their old-time "dances,"

so you can watch, while laughing,

is ask: "Looking back, what do you regret?" And they'll tell you.

Sometimes, as you know, they'll tell you even if you haven't asked.

Sometimes, even when you've specifically requested they not tell you, they'll tell you.

So, : What do I regret? Being poor from time to time? Not really. Working terrible jobs,

like "knuckle-puller in a slaughterhouse?" (And don't even ASK what that entails.)

No. I don't regret that. Skinny-dipping in a river in Sumatra, a little buzzed, and looking

up and seeing like 300 monkeys sitting on a pipeline, pooping down into the river, t

the river in which I was swimming, with my mouth open, naked?

And getting deathly ill afterwards, and staying sick for the next seven months?

Not so much. Do I regret the occasional humiliation?

Like once, playing hockey in front of a big crowd, including this girl I really liked,

I somehow managed, while falling and emitting this weird whooping noise, to score on my own goalie,

while also sending my stick flying into the crowd, nearly hitting that girl? No. I don't even regret that.

But here's something I do regret:

In seventh grade, this new kid joined our class. In the interest of confidentiality, her Convocation Speech name will be "ELLEN."

ELLEN was small, shy. She wore these blue cat's-eye glasses that, at the time, only old ladies wore.

When nervous, which was pretty much always, she had a habit of taking

a strand of hair into her mouth and chewing on it. Which did not help with popularity at all.

So she came to our school and our neighborhood, and was mostly ignored,

occasionally teased ("Your hair taste good?"--that sort of thing). I could see this hurt her.

I still remember the way she'd look after such an insult: eyes cast down, a little gut-kicked, as if,

having just been reminded of her place in things, she was trying, as much as possible,

to disappear. After awhile she'd drift away, hair-strand still in her mouth.

At home, I imagined, after school, her mother would say, you know: "How was your day, sweetie?

and she'd say, "Oh, fine." And her mother would say, "Making any friends?" and she'd go, "Sure, lots."

Sometimes I'd see her hanging around alone in her front yard, as if afraid to leave it.

And then--they moved. That was it. No tragedy, no big final hazing. One day she was there, next day she wasn't.

End of story.Now, why do I regret that?

Why, forty-two years later, am I still thinking about her? Relative to most of the other kids, I was actually pretty nice to her.

I never said an unkind word to her.

In fact, I sometimes even (mildly) defended her.

But still. It bothers me.So here's something I know to be true,

although it's a little corny, and I don't quite know what to do with it:

What I regret most in my life are failures of kindness.

Those moments when another human being was there, in front of me, suffering,

and I responded ... sensibly. Reservedly. Mildly.

Or, to look at it from the other end of the telescope: Who, in your life, do you remember most fondly,

with the most undeniable feelings of warmth?Those who were kindest to you, I bet.

It's a little facile, maybe, and certainly hard to implement, but I'd say, as a goal in life,

you could do worse than: Try to be kinder.

Now, the million-dollar question: Why aren't we kinder? What's our problem?

Here's what I think:Each of us is born with a series of built-in confusions

that are probably somehow Darwinian. These are:

(1) we're central to the universe (that is, our personal story is the main and most interesting story,

the only story, really);

(2) we're separate from the universe (there's US and then, out there,

all that other junk--dogs and swing-sets, and the State of Nebraska

and low-hanging clouds and, you know, other people), and

(3) we're permanent (death is real, o.k., sure--for you, but not for me).

Now, we don't really believe these things--intellectually we know better--

but we believe them viscerally, and we live by them,

and they cause us to prioritize our own needs over the needs of others,

even though what we really want, in our hearts, is to be less selfish,

more aware of what's actually happening in the present moment,

more open, and more loving.

So, the second million-dollar question: How might we DO this? How might we become more loving

more open, less selfish, more present, less delusional, etc., etc?

Well, yes, good question.Unfortunately, I only have three minutes left.

So let me just say this. There are ways. You already know that because, in your life, there have been High Kindness periods

and Low Kindness periods,

and you know what inclined you toward the former and away from the latter.

Education is good; immersing ourselves in a work of art: good;

prayer is good; meditation's good;

a frank talk with a dear friend; establishing ourselves in some kind of spiritual tradition-

recognizing that there have been countless really smart people before us who have asked these same questions

and left behind answers for us.

One thing in our favor: some of this "becoming kinder" happens naturally, with age.

It might be a simple matter of attrition: as we get older, we come to see how

useless it is to be selfish--how illogical, really. We come to love other people

and are thereby counter-instructed in our own centrality.

We get our butts kicked by real life, and people come to our defense, and help us,

and we learn that we're not separate, and don't want to be.

We see people near and dear to us dropping away, and are gradually convinced

that maybe we too will drop away (someday, a long time from now). Most people, as they age,

become less selfish and more loving. I think this is true.

The great Syracuse poet, Hayden Carruth, said, in a poem written near the end of his life,

that he was "mostly Love, now."

And so, a prediction, and my heartfelt wish for you: as you get older, your self will diminish

and you will grow in love. YOU will gradually be replaced by LOVE.

If you have kids, that will be a huge moment in your process of self-diminishment.

You really won't care what happens to YOU, as long as they benefit.

That's one reason your parents are so proud and happy today.

One of their fondest dreams has come true: you have accomplished something difficult and tangible

that has enlarged you as a person and will make your life better, from here on in, forever.

Congratulations, by the way.

[clapping]

When young, we're anxious--understandably--to find out if we've got what it takes.

Can we succeed? Can we build a viable life for ourselves?

But you--in particular you, of this generation--

may have noticed a certain cyclical quality to ambition.

You do well in high-school, in hopes of getting into a good college, so you can do well in the good college

in the hopes of getting a good job, so you can do well in the good job so you can ... .

And this is actually o.k. If we're going to become kinder, that process has to include taking ourselves seriously

as doers, as accomplishers, as dreamers. We have to do that, to be our best selves.

Still, accomplishment is unreliable. "Succeeding," whatever that might mean to you, is hard,

and the need to do so constantly renews itself (success is like a mountain

that keeps growing ahead of you as you hike it),

and so there's the very real danger that "succeeding" will take up your whole life,

while the big questions go untended.

end-of-speech advice: Since, according to me, your life is going to be a gradual process of becoming

kinder and more loving: Hurry up. Speed it along. Start right now.

Because kindness, it turns out, is hard--it starts out all puppies and rainbows

ends up to contain ... well, everything.

With a confusion in each of us, a sickness, really: selfishness.

But there's also a cure. So be a good and proactive and even somewhat desperate patient

on your own behalf--seek out the most efficacious anti-selfishness medicines,

energetically, for the rest of your life.

and do all the other things, the ambitious things--travel, get rich, get famous,

innovate, lead, fall in love, make and lose fortunes, swim naked in wild jungle rivers

(after first having it tested for monkey poop)

but as you do, to the extent that you can, err in the direction of kindness.

Do those things that incline you toward the big questions, and avoid the things

that would reduce you and make you trivial. That luminous part of you that exists beyond personality

your soul, if you will--is as bright and shining as any that has ever been.

Bright as Shakespeare's, bright as Gandhi's, bright as Mother Theresa's.

Clear away everything that keeps you separate from this secret luminous place.

Believe it exists, come to know it better, nurture it, share its fruits tirelessly.

And someday, in 80 years, when you're 100, and I'm 134, and we're both so kind and loving

we're nearly unbearable, drop me a line, let me know how your life has been.

I hope you will say: It has beens so wonderful.

Congratulations, Class of 2013.

I wish you great happiness, all the luck in the world, and a beautiful summer.