How 3 words will change your life | Johanna Feick | TEDxTwenteU
Summary
TLDRThe speaker shares a personal journey of overcoming societal expectations and self-doubt to live a life true to oneself. From feeling like an outsider in a small German town to pursuing dreams of travel and career success, the narrative highlights the importance of asking 'how can I?' rather than 'why can't I?'. The speaker emphasizes the power of action over mindset change, advocating for setting goals, researching, planning, and taking daily steps towards them. The message encourages viewers to challenge their fears and live authentically, embracing the growth that comes from stepping out of one's comfort zone.
Takeaways
- 🌟 Living life true to oneself is a common regret among the elderly, highlighting the importance of not conforming to others' expectations.
- 🚫 The speaker's upbringing in a small German town was marked by feelings of being an outsider, which fueled their determination to pursue their dreams.
- 💭 The realization that one's life can be shaped by self-imposed limitations led the speaker to challenge these beliefs and take control of their own destiny.
- 🌱 A pivotal moment in a small forest during springtime sparked an epiphany for the speaker, prompting a shift in mindset towards pursuing personal dreams.
- 🌍 The decision to travel to South Korea at 19, despite language barriers and limited funds, exemplifies the speaker's courage to step out of their comfort zone.
- 🛂 Overcoming initial doubts and proving oneself capable of achieving goals, even without a proven track record, is a central theme of the speaker's journey.
- 🔍 The process of achieving dreams involves researching, planning, and taking actionable steps, as demonstrated by the speaker's preparation for their travels.
- 💡 The speaker emphasizes the importance of understanding the 'why' behind one's desires, as advocated by Simon Sinek, to gain clarity and motivation.
- 🚀 Taking action, despite fear and uncertainty, is portrayed as the catalyst for change and personal growth in the speaker's narrative.
- 🏃♂️ The speaker suggests that breaking down goals into smaller, achievable milestones and daily actions is a practical approach to realizing larger ambitions.
- 💪 The fear of regret for not living authentically should motivate individuals to confront their fears and pursue their passions, according to the speaker's experience.
Q & A
What is one of the top regrets of the elderly according to the book 'The Top Five Regrets of the Dying'?
-Not living life true to oneself is one of the top regrets of the elderly.
What was the speaker's childhood like in the small town in Germany?
-The speaker was considered an outsider and a misfit in the small town, with dreams that were seen as ridiculous and offensive by the community.
What was the turning point for the speaker that led to a change in their mindset?
-The turning point was an epiphany experienced in a small forest surrounded by flower petals, where the speaker decided not to be confined by others' expectations.
What steps did the speaker take to realize their dream of traveling the world?
-The speaker researched visa requirements, cost of living, and airplane tickets, made a plan, and executed it, eventually traveling to South Korea, Thailand, and Japan.
How did the speaker's experience in South Korea impact their life?
-The experience in South Korea allowed the speaker to prove their self-doubts wrong, gain confidence, and ultimately return to Germany with motivation to pursue their dreams.
What is the importance of understanding 'why' behind our desires according to the speaker?
-Understanding 'why' behind our desires is crucial as it helps us identify our true motivations and align our actions with our core values.
Why does the speaker emphasize the importance of asking 'how' instead of focusing on 'why'?
-The speaker emphasizes asking 'how' because it shifts the focus from the fear of failure to finding actionable steps towards achieving our goals.
What is the role of action in personal growth according to the speaker?
-Action is essential in personal growth as it equals motivation and represents active change, allowing individuals to move beyond self-doubt and towards their goals.
How did the speaker approach starting their first company despite having no prior knowledge or experience?
-The speaker approached starting their first company by researching extensively, learning from others' experiences, and breaking down the process into actionable steps.
What advice does the speaker give to overcome the fear of taking the first step towards a goal?
-The speaker advises to not let fear dictate one's life and to take the first step, as the courage shown will not be regretted, unlike the regret of not living life true to oneself.
Outlines
🌟 Pursuing Authentic Dreams
The speaker reflects on the regret of not living life true to oneself, a common lament among the elderly. They recount their upbringing in a small German town where their aspirations were often dismissed. Despite being told they couldn't achieve their dreams, they made a pivotal decision to challenge these limitations. A moment of clarity in a forest during spring led them to question their preordained life path. They resolved to travel the world, starting with a move to South Korea at the age of 19. Despite the language barrier and limited funds, they persisted, eventually traveling to other countries, finding odd jobs, and securing a marketing manager position. This experience fueled their return to Germany with a renewed sense of purpose, leading to the founding of a successful tech company by the age of 22. The speaker emphasizes the importance of proving oneself capable and living a life true to one's own desires.
🔍 Unveiling the 'How' Behind Our Desires
The speaker emphasizes the importance of understanding the 'why' behind our goals, drawing parallels to Simon Sinek's 'Start with Why' concept. They argue that merely knowing what we want is insufficient; we must delve deeper into our motivations. The speaker discusses the common trap of envisioning an ideal life without strategizing how to achieve it, which often leads to inaction due to fear. They advocate for overcoming this by asking 'how' we can realize our dreams, rather than focusing on the fear of failure or rejection. The speaker shares their personal journey of starting a company, highlighting the significance of taking action despite doubts and the comfort of inaction. They stress that action breeds motivation and is the catalyst for change, urging listeners to start with small, achievable steps towards their goals, and to transform their dreams into actionable plans.
🏃♂️ Taking Action: The Key to Realizing Dreams
The speaker outlines the process of turning dreams into reality by breaking them down into actionable steps. They recount their own experience of researching and gathering information on starting a company, despite having no prior knowledge or entrepreneurial background. They emphasize the importance of setting milestones and daily action items to make progress towards goals. Using the metaphor of training for a marathon, they illustrate how even the most daunting tasks can be achieved by breaking them down into manageable parts. The speaker encourages listeners to take the first step, acknowledging the fear that accompanies it, and to confront the greater regret of a life not fully lived. They conclude by challenging the audience to ask themselves 'How can I?' as a means to unlock their potential and to take control of their own life's narrative.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Courage
💡Self-Made Prophecy
💡Authentic Self
💡Mindset Change
💡Action
💡Regret
💡Comfort Zone
💡Passion
💡Vision
💡Fear
💡Self-Doubt
Highlights
The importance of living life true to oneself rather than according to others' expectations.
Not living life true to oneself is a common regret among the elderly, as per Bronnie Ware's book.
The speaker's childhood in a small German town where they felt like an outsider.
The realization that the speaker's life seemed pre-written by others' expectations.
The decision to change and the pivotal moment in a forest that sparked the speaker's epiphany.
The speaker's initial fears and self-doubt that held them back from pursuing their dreams.
The process of researching and planning to travel to South Korea at the age of 19.
The courage to prove oneself and others wrong by taking action despite doubts.
The experience of living in South Korea, traveling, and finding work despite the language barrier.
The motivation to return to Germany and start a company after the travel experience.
The concept of 'how can I' as a driving force for change and personal growth.
The necessity to understand 'why' we want something in order to achieve it.
The fear of asking 'how' can be as paralyzing as the fear of taking action.
The idea that not taking action means letting others make decisions for us.
The importance of taking action to equal motivation and active change.
The practical steps of researching, planning, and executing to achieve goals.
The process of setting milestones and daily actions to work towards a goal.
The challenge to ask 'how can I' and take the first step towards personal dreams.
The fear of regret for not living life true to oneself if one does not take action.
Transcripts
I wish I had the courage to live life
true to
myself and not according to the
expectations and wishes of
others now not living life true to
oneself is one of the top regrets of the
elderly according to prony wear's famous
book the top regrets of the
Dy and I think we've all been there
situations where we've given up on
ourselves before we even started telling
ourselves that we
can't and then then we won't we live up
to our own self-made
prophecy I grew up in
Germany I moved to a small town when I
was a child the type of small town were
even 10 years later people still
consider it to be an
outsider and I was a misfit my dreams of
making it big traveling the world and
moving abroad they were seen as fairy
tale beliefs as
ridiculous maybe even as an
offense and I was told that I can't that
people like us
can't now for a long time in my life
that used to be my go-to excuse Big
Dreams and small ones alike I told
myself that I
can't their prophecy became my
own until I decided to change now I can
still remember that moment as vividly as
if it was yesterday I was walking
through the small forest in Spring a
priest flowing around me circulating
flower pettles all in the air I felt as
if I was in some sort of movie because
that was the very moment I had some sort
of epiphany I was fresh out of high
school and I knew exactly what was
expected of me it almost felt as if my
entire life has been written out by
someone else I have to study I have to
find a stable job marry and have
children but at the age of 19 that is
not exactly what I want to do I want to
travel the world and I want to learn
about life and people and myself and I'm
so young and hopeful and creative and
full of
ideas and yet again I am met with an all
too familiar reality I'm told that I
can't that people like me
can't but I I don't want to be confined
by what other people want my life to
look like so in that very moment
standing in this small for Forest
surrounded by all these pink beautiful
flower petals I start entertaining a
single thought how can I and I will I
decide that I want to travel first so I
start researching visa requirements cost
of living airplane ticket all these
things that I had absolutely nothing to
do with until that time I researched it
I made a plan I executed it and two
months later
I'm sitting in an airplane to South
Korea all alone at 19 years old barely
able to speak Korean knowing full well
that just speaking English isn't exactly
going to be enough and with just enough
money in my pockets to last me for
roughly two months the thought that I
can was still just a concept inside of
my mind it was unproven but I am
determined to prove them and my own
doubts
wrong and it works out I stay for the
entire duration of my Visa 12 months in
total I even travel to Thailand and
Japan I pick up different odd jobs and
ultimately even get my first real job as
a marketing manager and I come back to
Germany and I'm full of motivation I
moved to a large city found a company
and my team my co-founders and I we make
it work by the age of 22 I'm already
able to fulfill one of my dreams living
my passion by Leading products and teams
in Tech and now just a few years later
I'm so grateful to be in a position
where I can support other people on
their journey by asking
myself how can I I even gave myself the
chance to prove that I can and I gave
myself the chance to live life true to
myself now finding out how you can it is
quite the exciting journey and it's not
an easy one but it is so worth it first
we need to clearly identify what it is
that we want in life but just knowing
what you want is not enough you have to
dig a little bit deeper perhaps you're
familiar with Simon sy's famous tat talk
start with why and just like that we
also need to start with why we need to
ask ourselves why again and again and
again
until we get to the bottom of what it is
what we truly desire in
life if you seek wealth and success
because you're hoping that it will help
you find love perhaps it will serve you
better to seek love
instead but even when we understand our
why we get stuck so often I've seen this
many times
firsthand people having this Grand
Vision of what they like life should be
like but never really asking themselves
how they can make it happen it almost
seems as if the fear gap of asking
ourselves how is as big as the fear of
taking action
itself if we don't ask ourselves how we
can we can tell ourselves that
everything we want in life is just a
fairy tale belief that it is what it is
and that nothing can be done and that
can be oddly comfortable because we get
to offload an entire portion of
responsibility we also get to avoid some
sort of pain we don't ask someone that
we like out on a date because we fear
the rejection we don't switch careers
even though we don't like our current
one because we fear the failure and we
don't live as our authentic self because
we fear to be
judged but that that also means that
some decisions or even most decisions
are going to be made for you and not by
you and that can often lead to
regret now that is not how it has to be
like the things we desire the change
that we seek it is always on the other
side of our own comfort zone grow
involves Growing
Pains but only if we take the step to
ask ourselves how we can will we be able
to find ways that we
can we might even realize that the
reality that we created inside of our
own mind is not the reality right in
front of us and all around
us we might also realize that all the
rejection and the failure and the
Judgment that we feared so much is
actually never going to
happen now whenever we're talking about
change we think we have to have a
mindset change I used to think the exact
same thing and perhaps you're thinking
the same in this very moment that you
have to change your
mindset but the truth is as simple as it
is hard you need to take action because
action equals motivation and action is
active change when I went to South Korea
or when I started my first company I was
not sure that I can I hadn't underwent
some magical mindset change that gave me
a 100% confidence score that I can do
this I just decided to take action
because I didn't want these experiences
letting me pass by I decided to take
action against my own doubts against the
doubts of everyone around me and maybe
even against all others but I gave
myself the chance to learn how I can and
in the same sense learning how you can
consists of a step of
actions first you have to decide what it
is that you want to focus on now it
doesn't matter whether that's a big or a
small thing it doesn't have to be
someone that everyone else will perceive
as
crant it is just important that it is
something that you are really passionate
about something that you hold dear to
your heart and then don't even go down
the entire Rabbit Hole of
self-doubt you don't even need to think
about your goal in the context of
whether you personally believe you can
do it you just want to entertain the
thought how someone would go about
achieving this it's a little trick
that's fairly effective at least for
me when I started my company I didn't
know anything about managing or starting
a company at all I didn't grow up in an
entrepreneurial
family and I didn't really have any
mentors so the only thing in that moment
that I could do was look for any type of
information about this topic so I
started reading through online articles
guides YouTube videos and I collected
all information that I could about how
other people have done this I even found
a startup program where they teach you
these type of things and I listed down
every single thing that I found and I
researched every single item until I had
a pretty good understanding of what it
is that needs to be done in theory for a
company to
succeed and after that I had enough
information to start setting milestones
for myself and breaking them down into
actions for
example setting up the legal entity of a
company could be a milestone and things
such as finding a lawyer
preparing what questions you want to ask
that lawyer and ultimately having the
meeting with them and then have your
follow-up items on your to-do list are
potential things that you can do to make
your dream come true step by step now no
matter how big or small your goal is the
Baseline of this always stays the same
if you want to run a marathon for
example you're most likely not going to
sign up for the marathon and run it
without any prior training
you will most likely want to understand
everything that is connected to this
specific
goal how when and where do marathons
happen what is your current Fitness
level how do you need to train how often
do you need to train what do you need to
eat in order to get fit enough perhaps
you'd even like to enlist a personal
coach that will help you make your plan
but ultimately the only way for it to
turn into something real is by making
this plan by setting the milestones and
by creating these daily action items so
you can take a step towards your goal
every single day in terms of a marathon
perhaps that's doing some stretches or
going for a
run and no matter again how big or small
it is that you want to do as soon as you
think it is
impossible you need to go through this
process because that's how you make it
possible starting a company seems
impossible calling up a lawyer to get
some information or a tax
consultant very possible on the other
hand and that at the end of the day is
the answer to how you can you need to
learn everything that comes with this
goal and you need to turn it into an
action plan and execute it that is the
answer to the question and that is also
the blueprint to life
itself now whenever we take the first
step honestly it's super scary no matter
how often you do it but what is even
scarier is having life pass you
by because one thing is for sure if you
take a step
ahead show courage and go against your
fears you're not going to regret the
courage that you've shown but if you
cover in front of your fear you're most
likely going to regret not living life
true to
yourself so don't Be Your Own Prison
don't tell yourself that you can't and
don't let other people tell you what
your life should look like instead I'd
like to challenge you on this very
evening to ask yourselves How can I
sh
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