Why Did My Ex Block Or Remove Me From Social Media?
Summary
TLDRThe video script explores six core reasons why an ex might block or remove someone on social media, including avoidant behavior, emotional pain, anger or revenge, starting a new relationship, established patterns, and being part of an unlucky statistic. It also delves into why some exes block on social media but not on phone numbers, suggesting reasons like social media detachment, different intimacy levels, practical considerations, and emotional ambivalence. The speaker advises continuing to post on social media even after being blocked, emphasizing the importance of diverse and engaging content to maintain social proof and potentially regain the ex's attention.
Takeaways
- π **Avoidant Programming**: Many individuals block or remove others on social media due to an avoidant attachment style, which stems from a fear of abandonment and a tendency to avoid conflict.
- π£ **Painful Reminders**: Blocking can be a method to prevent the emotional pain associated with seeing an ex-partner's activities on social media.
- π₯ **Anger or Revenge**: Some people may block out of anger or a desire for revenge, using social media as a tool to hurt or confuse their ex.
- π **New Relationships**: Starting a new relationship can prompt someone to block their ex on social media to avoid complications or to show commitment to the new partner.
- π **Pattern of Behavior**: For some, blocking or removing exes on social media is a consistent pattern post-breakup, possibly to prevent interference with future relationships.
- π **Unlucky 37%**: Research indicates that approximately 37% of people are likely to block or unfriend an ex on social media after a breakup, sometimes without a clear reason.
- π± **Selective Blocking**: Some exes might block on social media but keep other lines of communication open, like phone numbers, for various reasons.
- π€ **Social Media Detachment**: Blocking can be a way to detach from the constant updates of an ex without completely severing all ties.
- π¬ **Different Levels of Intimacy**: Social media and direct communication like phone calls represent different levels of intimacy, and some may prefer to maintain a more personal connection.
- π **Pogo-Sticking Effect**: People may toggle between blocking and unblocking an ex as they grapple with mixed feelings and the desire to monitor their ex's activities.
- π **Continued Posting**: Despite being blocked, it's advised to continue posting on social media to maintain a presence and potentially influence the ex's perception.
- π **Five Post Categories**: To handle being blocked, consider posting across five categories: health, wealth, relationships, magnum opus (intersection of the three), and personal choice.
Q & A
What are the six core reasons an ex might block or remove someone on social media?
-The six core reasons are: 1) Avoidant programming due to fear of abandonment, 2) Seeing the person is painful and they want to avoid that pain, 3) They are driven by anger or revenge, 4) They have a new relationship and want to avoid complications, 5) It's their pattern to block or remove exes after a breakup, and 6) They are part of the 'Unlucky 37', meaning there's no specific reason, it's just a common occurrence.
What is meant by 'avoidant programming' in the context of the script?
-'Avoidant programming' refers to a psychological pattern where individuals, due to a core wound like fear of abandonment, exhibit avoidant behavior to prevent future conflicts or emotional pain, often by cutting off contact or interaction with someone who triggers this fear.
How does the 'pogo sticking effect' relate to the behavior of blocking and unblocking an ex on social media?
-The 'pogo sticking effect' describes the cyclical behavior of blocking and then unblocking an ex on social media due to the conflicting feelings of wanting to avoid the pain of seeing them but also desiring to keep tabs on their activities, leading to a back-and-forth pattern of blocking and unblocking.
Why might someone block an ex on social media but not block their phone number?
-Someone might block an ex on social media but not their phone number due to reasons like wanting social media detachment, maintaining different levels of intimacy, practical considerations like shared responsibilities, or emotional ambivalence where they still have feelings and keep a line of communication open.
What is the significance of the 'Holy Trinity' in the context of social media posting after a breakup?
-The 'Holy Trinity' refers to dividing one's life into three distinct points: health, wealth, and relationships. It suggests focusing on improving these areas and posting about them on social media to show personal growth and garner social proof, which can indirectly influence the ex's perception.
What does the term 'social media Detachment' imply in the script?
-Social media Detachment implies the act of blocking someone on social media to avoid seeing their activities, posts, or new relationships, while still maintaining other forms of communication, thus detaching emotionally but not completely cutting off contact.
What is the 'Magnum Opus' in the context of social media posting after a breakup?
-The 'Magnum Opus' refers to the intersection of health, wealth, and relationships, suggesting a significant achievement or event that positively impacts all three areas of life. Posting about such an event on social media can demonstrate substantial personal progress and attract attention.
How does the Pew Center's research on breakups relate to the script's discussion on social media blocking?
-The Pew Center's research indicates that around 37% of teens have unfriended or blocked someone after a breakup on social media. This statistic supports the script's discussion by providing a baseline expectation of the likelihood of being blocked by an ex on social media.
What is the advice given in the script for handling an ex who has blocked you on social media?
-The advice is to continue posting on social media as if you weren't blocked, focusing on five categories of posts: health-based, wealth-based, relationship-based, magnum opus-based, and personal choice posts. This approach aims to maintain a positive online presence and potentially influence the ex through indirect observation.
What is the 'Grapevine' effect mentioned in the script in relation to social media and breakups?
-The 'Grapevine' effect refers to the indirect spread of information or changes in one's social status through mutual friends or acquaintances, which can eventually reach the ex. This can be influenced by the social media activities of the person who was blocked, aiming to create a positive impression that might affect the ex's perception.
Outlines
π Understanding Avoidant Behavior in Breakups
The speaker discusses six core reasons why an ex-partner (referred to as 'X') might block or remove someone on social media post-breakup. The first reason is rooted in avoidant programming, where 'X' may have a deep-seated fear of abandonment, leading to avoidant behavior to prevent future conflicts. The speaker cites research from free2attach.com to support this, explaining that avoidant individuals may cut off contact harshly to avoid feeling beholden to others. The second reason is that seeing the other person on social media can be painful, leading to a desire to block or remove them to alleviate this pain. The speaker shares a personal anecdote from a past breakup where they experienced this, describing a 'pogo sticking effect' where they would block and unblock their ex out of a mix of grief and curiosity.
π‘ Anger and Revenge as Motives for Blocking
The third reason for blocking on social media is driven by anger or a desire for revenge. The ex may believe that blocking will hurt or confuse the other person, using it as a tool to assert dominance in the breakup. The speaker describes a pattern of saying one thing but doing another, indicative of someone who wants to hurt rather than maintain a mature end to the relationship. The fourth reason is the start of a new relationship, where 'X' might block the previous partner to avoid complications. The speaker admits to having done this, removing potential romantic interests to focus on a new significant other. The fifth reason ties back to patterns from past relationships, where 'X' may consistently block or remove exes from social media to prevent interference with new relationships. The sixth and final reason is that the person might simply be part of an 'unlucky 37%,' a statistic indicating that around this percentage of people block their exes on social media without a specific reason.
π± The Significance of Soft Blocking on Social Media
The speaker explores why an ex might block on social media but not on other forms of communication, such as phone numbers. The first reason is social media detachment, where 'X' wants to avoid seeing the other person's activities but keep other lines of communication open. The second reason is the difference in intimacy levels between social media and direct communication like phone calls. The third reason is practical considerations, such as shared responsibilities or mutual friends that necessitate keeping contact open. The fourth reason is emotional ambivalence, where 'X' might still have feelings and is unsure about the finality of the breakup, hence keeping a line of communication open. The speaker also discusses how to handle being blocked on social media, suggesting that one should continue posting as usual and that many exes unblock their former partners over time.
π Crafting a Social Media Strategy Post-Breakup
The speaker advises on how to navigate social media when an ex has blocked or removed them. They suggest maintaining a consistent posting schedule with a variety of content to show personal growth and create social proof. The recommended content includes health-based posts, wealth-based posts, relationship space posts, magnum opus posts (intersection of health, wealth, and relationships), and personal choice posts. The idea is to show improvement and interest in different areas of life, which can indirectly reach the ex through mutual connections and social proof. The speaker emphasizes the importance of staying active on social media and not letting the block affect one's online presence or self-improvement journey.
Mindmap
Keywords
π‘Avoidant Programming
π‘Painful Seeing
π‘Anger or Revenge
π‘New Relationship
π‘Pattern
π‘Unlucky 37
π‘Social Media Detachment
π‘Different Levels of Intimacy
π‘Practical Considerations
π‘Emotional Ambivalence
π‘Holy Trinity
Highlights
Six core reasons are identified for why an ex might block or remove someone on social media.
Avoidant programming is a primary reason for blocking, stemming from a fear of abandonment.
Avoidants may block to prevent future conflicts, aligning with their comfort in not being beholden to others.
The 'out of sight, out of mind' mentality is common among avoidants post-breakup.
Blocking can be a method to prevent the pain associated with seeing an ex's activities online.
The 'pogo sticking effect' describes the cycle of blocking and unblocking due to the pain of seeing an ex.
Anger or a desire for revenge can motivate an ex to block as a means to hurt or confuse.
Actions post-breakup that contradict the intention of remaining friends can indicate a vindictive motive.
Starting a new relationship can lead to blocking an ex to avoid complications.
The pattern of blocking exes on social media can be a learned behavior from past relationships.
Around 37% of people are likely to block or unfriend an ex on social media after a breakup, according to Pew Center research.
The concept of 'hard block' versus 'soft block' is introduced, with the latter allowing some communication channels to remain open.
Social media detachment is a reason for blocking but keeping phone numbers unblocked to maintain some form of contact.
Different levels of intimacy are associated with various communication methods, influencing whether an ex blocks on social media.
Practical considerations like shared responsibilities or mutual friends can prevent an ex from completely blocking all communication.
Emotional ambivalence might lead an ex to block on social media but keep phone numbers accessible for potential future contact.
Advice is given to continue posting on social media even after being blocked, as statistics show most people still check on their exes.
A strategy for social media posting after being blocked is suggested, focusing on health, wealth, relationships, and the magnum opus.
Transcripts
all right so in my opinion there are six
core reasons for why an X would block or
remove you on social media so the first
one is that it's in line with their
avoidant programming now I've said this
so many times throughout our website but
we have found that the vast majority of
our clients X's are avoided what this
means is they have a core wound where
they are afraid of being abandoned and
anything that triggers that core wound
causes them to trigger their avoidant
behavior and really the truth is that
for an avoidant avoiding or doing
everything they can not to interact with
you is pretty common and it's usually to
avoid future conflicts in the
relationship so to kind of further
illustrate this point I went to my
favorite avoidant research website a
website called free2attach.com and I
pulled an exact quote to kind of really
illustrate this point so avoidance and
relationships because they are
comfortable feeling beholden to someone
else so they can be extremely Cut Throat
with contact for this reason too I
suppose in this reason it's more so
their Cutthroat by not contacting you
they're Cut Throat by removing you on
social media but it's the whole out of
sight out of mind argument you know if
your ex is an avoidant then having them
block you is part of their programming
and it's commonplace for them the second
reason is seeing you is painful so
blocking you on social media is sort of
a way that they can prevent that pain
now I have actually a personal story
about this one I remember going through
one of my breakups early on I think I
was maybe 19 and this is right at the
rise of Facebook so this is around 2008
and Facebook if you would believe it
their main competitor was Myspace so I
remember I had a Facebook profile but I
also had something called a MySpace
profile now if you don't remember back
in the day Myspace case was essentially
the most popular social media platform
and I was friends with my ex but I kept
finding that I would after the breakup
constantly spy on my ex I'd be seeing
what she was up to who she was talking
to if she was dating someone else and
eventually it got to the point where
even logging on to Myspace became
painful and I decided that the only way
forward for me was to block her and so I
would block her but here's the
interesting thing usually blocking
wasn't enough so I block her on social
media I'm like okay this is great maybe
go two or three days before this
annoying feeling took hold and the
gnawing feeling would cause me to do
something that I've coined the pogo
sticking effect so what I would do is I
would block her or remove her from
social media and then I would quickly un
remove her so I could see her again I'd
spy on what she was doing and then I'd
block her again and I would just do this
constantly pogo stick sticking back and
forth from blocking her to unblocking
her to blocking her to unblocking her
and the truth is that the whole thing
just made it even more painful but the
cusp of the reason for why I was doing
it is because I found that every time I
would look at her profile or look at
what she was up to I would just feel
this immense grief and having her out of
sight I thought would help me but in a
weird way it hurt me because I kind of
fell victim to the pogo sticking effect
the third reason is a lot different from
the first two the third reason is that
your ex is just completely driven by
anger or Revenge so they know that
blocking you on social media or removing
you on social media will hurt you or
confuse you here's how this typically
goes it's the whole words versus actions
approach they say one thing but do
another so on the outset of a breakup
they say you know what let's be friends
and you take them at their word but
every action they take after the breakup
is indicative of someone who does not
want to be friends it's indicative of
someone who wants to hurt you or be be
painful so they say rude things about
you not necessarily on social media but
to mutual friends they block you on
social media so that you can't see what
they're a saying about you or B what
you're up to and it's all coming from a
petty place it's coming from this idea
of I'm going to win this breakup which
unfortunately still exists in this day
and age rather than being able to treat
the breakup as an adult would treat it
they treat it as a high schooler would
treat it or a child would treat it
they're incredibly immature they're
incredibly vindictive and they know that
blocking you will cause you a lot of
pain and they take solace in that pain
because making you hurt makes them feel
better because you cause so much hurt
for them and so it's this weird
dichotomy that kind of exists the next
reason is they have a new relationship
so they may have started a new
relationship and decided to block you to
not screw that up and this is actually
something that I have done as well
remember when I met my wife Jen I was
also friends with a bunch of other girls
and when I knew that Jen was the one was
when I started going to those other
girls and not even explaining but
basically removing them from my social
media accounts or sometimes even
blocking their numbers because I did not
want anything to ruin what I had with
this new person and so if you find that
your ex has moved on to someone new
they're in a new relationship and all of
a sudden they go on a social media
cleanse as I like to call it where they
start removing all of their former
flames on social media or friends that
could be viewed as a threat this can
happen and I am living proof that men
and women do do this it's a very common
Behavior the fifth reason is it's simply
their pattern so this is where it kind
of helps to have a little bit of
background on what their past
relationships would look like so it
might just be a pattern that they have
always exhibited where they are in a
relationship with someone then they go
through a breakup and then after that
breakup they end up blocking or removing
that person off of social media and this
one kind of also connects to that new
relationship aspect it's a pattern
because they're removing you
consistently and they've removed all of
their previous exes consistently but the
reason they might be removing you is so
that it doesn't screw up any other
potential Flames or flings that they may
have with someone new and the first
thing that kind of came to mind when I
started thinking or listing out the
pattern thing was this like okay well
they're doing this so that they don't
have to screw up what's gonna happen
next and I can tell you just since I've
been doing this for 10 years it's very
common for exes to get in touch and say
hey beware of this person and beware of
this person so what might have happened
in the past for them is that might have
occurred where they went through a
breakup they treated that past person
very poorly they did not remove that
past person on social media and then
when they move moved on to someone else
that past person contacted that someone
else and kind of freaked them out and
created a lot of friction for them and
so they've created this pattern where
they do a again social media cleanse
after the breakup so you don't cause any
friction or trouble for that new
relationship so in a way this pattern
concept is very closely related to the
new relationship concept and the sixth
and final reason is you're just part of
the Unlucky 37 all right so I've made no
poems or no mistake about the fact that
I believe the breakup industry does not
get a lot of research I mean I've been
doing this for 10 years I know where to
look for research and I'm telling you
there are not a lot of great resources
out there that research breakups in and
of themselves they research sometimes
the effects of breakups but not like
breakup Behavior luckily I did stumble
across this really great research from
the Pew Center all right so the Pu
Center was studying breakups and they
released this amazing article where they
basically said after a breakup around 37
of teens have unfriended or blocked
someone they used to be in a
relationship with on social media okay
so that right there tells us at least it
gives us a starting point or an
expectation of generally around 37 to 40
percent of x's are going to remove or
block you on social media and sometimes
there's no Rhyme or Reason sometimes
it's not in line with their avoidant
programming it's not seeing you as
painful it's just the way it is and
you're unfortunate enough to fall and
have one of those X's that are you know
35 to 40 percent chance of blocking you
but that's not really the only thing I
wanted to talk about today so I was
researching this article right and
originally all I thought was okay I'm
just going to come up with like six
reasons for why X's block or remove you
on social media but when I started
researching I found that there's also a
really other strange thing that exes
will do some x's will block you on
social media but they will not block
your number you know I've I've talked in
the past a lot about this concept of a
hard block and a soft block a hard block
is where they block you everywhere
imaginable they block you on social
media they block your phone number they
even block your email address your hard
blocks you have no way of getting in
touch with them other than writing them
a letter and mailing it to them which
doesn't work and then there's the soft
blocks and this is sort of a soft block
reason I guess you know a soft block is
essentially where your ex blocks you in
one form of communication but you still
have other avenues of communication open
all right so I got really into trying to
understand okay well why is it though
that an X would block you on social
media but not your number and ultimately
I came up with four specific reasons so
these are the four reasons for why X's
will block you on social media but
they'll still kind of keep your number
just in case and the first reason is
social media Detachment so your ex may
want to avoid seeing your activities
posts photos or new relationships on
social media but they don't necessarily
want to cut off all communication
entirely so this is the whole thing out
of sight out of mind but I want to keep
my options open and blocking you kind of
allows them to avoid these triggers if
you will while still leaving that line
of communication open then of course we
have the second main reason which is
it's different levels of intimacy so
social media and talking on the phone
they represent different levels of
intimacy and if you don't believe this
all you need to do is kind of look at my
research or approach to the value ladder
you know the value ladder is all about
these methods of communication after a
breakup so for those of you who are
wanting to get your exes back I talk a
lot about the value ladder it's about
using different mediums of communication
to slowly rebuild value but one of the
things that I've correctly pointed out
is that not all communication is created
equally you know text messaging is a lot
different than talking on the phone
talking on the phone is a lot different
than seeing them in person seeing them
in person on a Meetup is a lot different
than seeing them person on a romantic
date and social media has a different
level of intimacy than an actual phone
conversation so it's often public and
less personal while phone calls or text
messages is more private and direct so
your ex might be feel more comfortable
maintaining a more direct and personal
connection with you but at the same time
publicly they want to put on the face
that I'm the one that broke up with her
I'm winning the breakup blah blah blah
and then there are of course the
Practical considerations all right so
there might be some practical reasons
for keeping your phone number unblocked
so one example is you might have shared
responsibilities or mutual friends we
see this a lot with people who live
together or people who work together and
they don't really have a legitimate
reason for why they can block you they
can't just up and block your phone
number they might need to get in touch
with you at some time we have also seen
pogo sticking effects kind of occur here
where sometimes an X will block them for
a period of time and then unblock them
only to block them again and back and
forth back and forth and this can be a
little bit difficult to deal with but
we're gonna actually later in the
discussion talk a little bit about how
to handle an X that blocks you but first
let's move on to the fourth and final
reason for why X's will block you on
social media but not your number and
that's emotional ambivalence they might
still have feelings for you and are not
sure about how final this breakup really
is and so they choose to keep one line
of communication open so this is
piggybacking off what I was talking
about before with the social media
Detachment some exes may not be fully
over you or may not know and this would
actually be in line with what we have
seen from avoidance I will say with the
emotional ambivalent thing what I have
seen more often is that they do block
your phone number and then after you're
kind of out of sight out of mind they
start to get some Nostalgia and that's
when they unblock you and that actually
I think leads us pretty seamlessly to
the last thing that I'd like to talk to
you about and that's really what do you
do when an X blocks you on social media
alright so we know the statistics we
know around 37 to 40 percent of x's are
going to block you on social media but
we don't really know what the heck to do
the thing you're supposed to do is still
continue to post on social media as if
you weren't blocked or removed and this
is kind of wild but let's look at some
more statistics so statistics do say
that the odds are very much in your
favor in fact a couple of years ago
there was a woman who was working on her
I don't know study thesis whatever from
the University of Western Ontario and
she basically found that nearly 90
percent of people on Facebook creep on
their exes 90 is a very large number
folks and really that is also including
Exes who are blocking you on social
media removing you on social media and
to further back this up one of our
unfair advantages is that we have access
to a lot of people going through
breakups and we have seen a lot of
people who've been blocked and so a
couple of years ago I asked them hey for
those of you who been blocked by an X
how many of them ended up unblocking you
and the answer kind of was staggering to
me 68 of people who were blocked said
that their ex just unblocked them and
they didn't have to do anything so as
weird as it sounds sometimes just
waiting it out is the smartest approach
for being blocked which is not a popular
answer but here I got more for you don't
worry you also need to be posting on
social media like I said I cannot tell
you and if you do not believe me all you
need to do is just go to our podcast and
watch a lot of the success stories I've
done of people who have specifically
been blocked the people who've been
blocked will often say after they get
their exes back that their ex will tell
them you know yeah I blocked you but I
was still spying on you I'm still using
this friend to spy on you or I was doing
that pogo sticking thing to kind of
check out on who you are so I always
tell my clients to cycle through five
categories with your social media posts
so you want to continue to post as if
you are still blocked or as if you
aren't blocked or you aren't removed
because
if you play the odds the odds are your
ex will still pay attention to you and
even if they don't pay attention to you
really the the whole thing about social
media is about getting a Groundswell of
support so getting other people to
notice you and create social proof that
way and then Through the Grapevine that
gets to your ex so what are these five
categories okay so I talk a lot about
these with regards to social media posts
but we're a big believer in the Holy
Trinity the Holy Trinity is a concept
that I came up with that basically talks
about dividing your life into three
distinct points and then leveling those
points up in whatever way you can and
those three distinct categories are
health wealth and relationships but also
I talk a lot about this concept on
ex-boyfriend recovery called the magnum
opus which is supposed to be the
intersection of health wealth and
relationships so it's one thing that you
can do that can positively impact your
health wealth and relationships and then
of course you can post whatever you want
so let me recap I want you to post five
things from five different different
categories every week a health-based
post a wealth-based post a relationship
space post a magnum opus based post and
then whatever you want and the idea
behind this is that you are staying
inconsistent with what you're posting
you're posting interesting things and
you're improving yourself as you go and
so just sticking to that schedule and
just posting one a day or working up to
one a day is probably the best approach
for how to handle an ex who's blocked
you on social media
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