Should You WAIT For Her To Choose You? @AustinDunhamVlogs
Summary
TLDRIn this video, the hosts discuss the dating strategy of waiting for women to choose you versus actively pursuing them. They explore the concept of 'positive narcissism' and the importance of self-improvement for years to attract the desired partner. The conversation covers the pros and cons of each approach, including the impact on self-esteem, the likelihood of attracting genuine interest, and the potential for burnout. The hosts, Chad and Austin, share personal experiences and insights, emphasizing the need to find a dating strategy that aligns with one's personality, lifestyle, and goals.
Takeaways
- π The speaker advocates for self-improvement over a passive approach to dating, suggesting it can take years to become attractive to the desired partners.
- πͺ The concept of 'positive narcissism' is introduced, which involves constantly seeking self-improvement in appearance and lifestyle.
- π There's a discussion on the effort required for self-improvement versus the effort some men put into activities like taking photos for social media, which may not necessarily improve their attractiveness.
- π« The speaker challenges the idea that self-improvement is too much effort, arguing that men are often lazy and that effort is key to success in dating.
- π The importance of aligning one's dating strategy with their lifestyle, personality, and goals is emphasized.
- π€ The video explores the pros and cons of different dating strategies, such as waiting for women to show interest versus actively pursuing them.
- π‘ The idea of 'genuine burning desire' is discussed, suggesting that relationships are more fulfilling when they start with a woman showing strong initial interest.
- π― The video highlights how certain dating strategies can optimize social skills and the ability to approach groups or individuals, which can translate to better dates.
- πΈ The potential downsides of a proactive dating approach include the risk of financial and emotional investment without guaranteed outcomes.
- πΆββοΈ The speakers share personal experiences and anecdotes to illustrate their points about dating strategies and the importance of self-improvement.
Q & A
What is the main topic of the video?
-The main topic of the video is whether one should wait for girls to choose them or not, and the discussion revolves around the pros and cons of this dating strategy.
What does the term 'waiting for girls to choose you' imply in the context of the video?
-In the context of the video, 'waiting for girls to choose you' implies a dating strategy where men do not actively pursue women but instead focus on self-improvement to attract women who are genuinely interested.
What is the concept of 'positive narcissism' mentioned in the video?
-The concept of 'positive narcissism' refers to the constant self-assessment and desire for self-improvement, such as changing one's hairstyle, improving fitness, or updating one's fashion sense to enhance attractiveness.
Why does the video suggest that men might be lazy in terms of self-improvement?
-The video suggests that men might be lazy in terms of self-improvement because many men do not put in the effort to change their appearance or style, which is necessary for attracting a partner, and instead may focus on activities that do not contribute to personal growth.
What is the significance of the speaker's comment about taking photos at a restaurant?
-The comment about taking photos at a restaurant highlights the effort some people are willing to put into their social media presence to appear more attractive or interesting, which contrasts with the effort required for self-improvement in real life.
How does the video address the idea of increasing one's charisma and confidence?
-The video addresses the idea of increasing one's charisma and confidence by suggesting that men should approach many women, which can be seen as more effort than self-improvement, but it also implies that it can lead to better dating outcomes.
What is the role of dating strategy according to the video?
-According to the video, a dating strategy should align with one's lifestyle, personality, and personal goals. It should be chosen based on the level of effort one is willing to put in and the strengths one possesses.
Why does the video discuss the importance of self-improvement in the context of dating?
-The video discusses the importance of self-improvement in dating because it argues that improving oneself can lead to attracting higher quality partners and ultimately more fulfilling relationships.
What does the video suggest about the relationship between social skills and dating success?
-The video suggests that having strong social skills, particularly the ability to approach and engage with groups of women, can translate to success in dating by making one more attractive and fun to be around.
How does the video differentiate between the social skills required for group settings versus one-on-one interactions?
-The video differentiates between the social skills required for group settings and one-on-one interactions by stating that being charismatic and entertaining in a group is like performing as a standup comedian, whereas one-on-one skills are more about building a deep interpersonal connection.
Outlines
πΉ Male Dating Strategies and Self-Improvement
The paragraph discusses the concept of waiting for women to choose men in the context of dating. It emphasizes the importance of self-improvement for men, suggesting that it could take years to become attractive to women. The speaker shares personal anecdotes about his journey, highlighting the transformation from an average-looking 18-year-old to a more put-together adult through what he terms 'positive narcissism.' This involves constant self-assessment and improvement in appearance and style. The paragraph also touches on societal expectations for men to put in effort in dating and the role of ego in choosing dating strategies.
π€ Balancing Ego and Practicality in Dating
This section delves into the balance between satisfying one's ego and being practical in dating. The speaker explains how his ego drives him to seek out the most attractive partners, but also acknowledges the importance of compatibility and effort. The conversation contrasts the speaker's ego-driven approach with a more practical, results-driven strategy where the focus is on building relationships with women who show genuine interest. The paragraph also discusses the impact of location and social media on dating expectations and the idea of 'settling' versus pursuing higher standards in relationships.
π¬ The Art of Social Interaction and Dating
The focus of this paragraph is on the art of social interaction, particularly in dating contexts. It discusses the importance of social skills in dating, such as approaching groups of women or initiating conversations, and how these skills can translate to more successful dates. The paragraph contrasts the social skills required for group settings with those needed for one-on-one interactions, suggesting that they are distinct yet complementary. It also touches on the idea that some people may be naturally more inclined towards extroversion, which can influence their dating experiences.
π The Pros and Cons of Passive Dating
This section explores the pros and cons of a passive dating strategy, where the individual waits for women to show interest rather than actively pursuing them. Pros include the potential for a more fulfilling relationship when there is genuine interest from the woman and the opportunity to work on oneself rather than focusing solely on attracting partners. Cons, however, include the risk of missing out on potential relationships due to inaction and the possibility of settling for less than ideal matches. The paragraph emphasizes the importance of self-improvement and the potential drawbacks of a passive approach in the context of dating.
π° The Financial and Emotional Costs of Active Dating
The paragraph discusses the financial and emotional costs associated with an active dating strategy, where individuals actively pursue potential partners. It highlights the potential for burnout, both emotionally and financially, due to the effort and resources expended in dating. The conversation also touches on the concept of 'high interest' versus 'low interest' in dating, suggesting that pursuing those who show high interest can be more rewarding and less costly than trying to increase the interest of those who are less invested. The paragraph concludes with a discussion of the need for volume and abundance in dating to counteract the potential negative effects of an active dating strategy.
π― The Importance of Strategy in Dating
This section emphasizes the importance of strategy in dating, suggesting that different approaches can yield different results based on individual circumstances and goals. The conversation contrasts a numbers-based approach, where the focus is on approaching a large number of potential partners, with a more selective approach that prioritizes quality over quantity. The paragraph also discusses the role of self-improvement in attracting higher interest from potential partners and the idea that dating strategies should align with personal values and lifestyle.
π Closing Thoughts on Dating Strategies
The final paragraph summarizes the key points of the discussion on dating strategies. It reiterates the importance of self-improvement and the need to find a dating approach that aligns with one's personality, lifestyle, and goals. The conversation concludes with a reminder that dating is a numbers game and that experimentation and personal experience are crucial in determining the most effective strategy for each individual.
Mindmap
Keywords
π‘Self-improvement
π‘Positive narcissism
π‘Charisma
π‘Dating strategy
π‘Social skills
π‘Fear of rejection
π‘Burnout
π‘Genuine burning desire
π‘Physical attraction
π‘Ego
Highlights
The importance of self-improvement over a span of years to increase the chances of being chosen by women.
The concept of 'positive narcissism' as a drive for self-improvement.
The role of effort in both self-improvement and dating strategies.
The idea that men are often lazy when it comes to self-improvement.
The comparison between the effort put into taking photos and the effort put into self-improvement.
The significance of increasing charisma and confidence to approach women.
The personal dating strategy of allowing women to choose the man.
The pros and cons of dating strategies that involve waiting for women to show interest.
The impact of location and social media on one's dating strategy and expectations.
The difference between social skills in group settings versus one-on-one interactions.
The idea that dating strategies should align with one's lifestyle, personality, and goals.
The challenge of translating social skills in public settings to one-on-one dating scenarios.
The role of volume and abundance in dating strategies.
The potential for burnout and resentment in dating strategies that involve pursuing women.
The necessity of understanding that dating is a numbers game and the importance of volume.
The closing thoughts on the necessity of self-improvement and the experimentation of different dating strategies.
The emphasis on the individual's journey and the need to find a dating strategy that works best for them.
Transcripts
so you read the title of this video
should you wait for girls to choose you
I agree I really think that they should
but when I think of that term waiting
for girls to choose you I think about it
at a grand scale if we put 10 men put
him in a room would they land the girl
they wanted if they had to wait for her
to choose him I say
no I say no so that's why I always push
back a bit where if you want to get to a
point where the girls are choosing you
it's going to take some some I'm going
to say years of self-improvement now I'm
going to say an assumption about Austin
real quick before you introduces himself
Austin if you saw him my 18 years old
okay you know handsome guy but you know
nothing too crazy but you see him now
it's like whoa so it's like it took what
five six seven years yeah of constantly
looking yourself like I can improve that
okay I can improve this hair I can get
lean it's it was constant in a way what
I call positive narcissism
like constantly looking at yourself I
can improve I can get a better outfit I
can get better shoes I can try a
different hairstyle most dudes will
never do that but why not I say why not
because men are lazy for example I'm I'm
Legit going to make a video on this
after this video I made a video you know
how we're at that restaurant taking
pictures pict pictures right yeah I made
a video breaking down how to do that
people said too much effort men really
do this much to get take photos but it's
also a lot of it's a lot of effort not
improving at the same time too so what's
vice versa you increase your uh Charisma
confidence you approach a lot of women
that's even more effort true like so
like either way it's it's a lot of
effort so the guys who are saying it's
too much effort to self-improve are the
guys who either don't care or wouldn't
get results either way that's the way I
look at it so you pick pick your degree
of effort and then pick the one that
falls more in line with the things that
you have strengths for and the
your sort of strategy which we're going
to talk about our dating strategies and
your dating strategy Falls in line with
your lifestyle your um personality and
what you personally want to accomplish
and that's why I conceived my personal
dating strategy of allowing the woman to
choose me because I tried the other way
and it just led to more so increasing
frustration and time wasted but we can
get into that so I'm sorry Austin didn't
even I can't speak Austin didn't even
introduce himself Austin go ahead and
some people who don't know yeah what's
up everybody my name is Austin Dunham uh
you guys have probably seen my face
somewhere on the internet over the past
10 years uh started off first doing
callousness content teaching how to get
strong with your body weight because my
goal is to maximize my strength and
overall uh my looks in terms of fitness
and so I mastered that area of my life U
my next challenge was mastering the art
of women and dating um and so mastered
that then I started talking about that
and you know now I talk about fashion
Fitness dating topics related to um you
know getting women more so to choose you
as Chad talked about and I've been doing
that for a few years now beautiful so
today's video the topic is should you
wait for girls to choose you like I said
the answer is yes right but when I think
about it on a grand scale cuz see I
teach this to people I teach it and I
think for most men if they waited they
won't get anything so my whole thing is
this we're going to talk about pros of
my dating Style and cons of it and pros
of his dating style and the cons of it
so I'll go first with my first pro for
me personally I I'm I'm GNA do this like
a from a subjective standpoint where
it's personal I have a big ego I think
Austin can confirm some of the girls
I've not I've said ah I don't really
like her I don't find her attractive
she's like what he's like why right so I
guess my ego wants to look at a girl and
go yes that's probably the best I can do
right so that's my ego right so when
girls like yesterday approach us and
approach you know me and Austin I'm like
okay you girls are cute you're a four or
a five you're just you're just that
average but I'm looking around at girls
make that make me do this oh [Β __Β ] so I
feel personally like I'd be settling if
I were to go with this girl in front of
me who's twirling her hair and looking
up at me and like looking away looking
back when there's girls walking around
who are better than what I see so that's
the first thing about me about I like
about my dating strategy my ego gets
stroked what is your I guess confliction
or even I get it like what's your thing
with that yeah so so how do you identify
your ego like what do you mean like is
it that you see yourself with somebody
who like what do you mean your your ego
like what does ego mean for you got you
so when I say my ego is ever since I was
a kid right I never had access to the
prettiest girls at school i' I'd shoot
my shot at them I tried talking to him
but the second I hit him with that we
should hang out sometime it was like 8
hours later oh I just saw this like I'm
so sorry yeah so now the fact that I can
play up there with the most attractive
girls and I've done it I have done it
it's like okay I belong here now and
since I've been talking to the to these
types of girls in my life and they're
you know we're having relationships and
we're having you know doing the nasty
and stuff like that my ego is saying yes
you belong here now right
so now if I were to go back to girls who
yes choose me but I'm like I was out
with a girl who was 10 times B better
than you last week my ego is like bro
you're settling don't do that gotcha
yeah so from that perspective like it's
really not really black and white like
oh you know you can do you can actually
do both but true I do understand dealing
with women who you're highly physically
attracted to and some in some cases if
you're waiting for the girls to choose
you that you're not always going to be
like the most excited about them from a
physically attractive standpoint but um
with me at least I I'm really results
driven like I'm very practical logical
so yes I can satisfy my ego in certain
ways and I have been with very
attractive women who you chose me or the
woman who I had to get to but my thing
is what works on the most consistent
basis like do I really want to waste my
time chasing after this girl or would I
go down a few points for a girl who's
gon to give me the world and do
everything I want towards me that's the
way I look at it and so you know if you
do have an ego like Chad like I said it
comes out to your personality you're
going to fall more in line uh with that
with that personal dating strategy me
myself I do have an ego but my ego is
more so based around why don't you like
me it's not it's not that I have to be
with the absolute baddest of the the
baddest you know but um a lot of that
could be because you're you're
conditioning too um you know living in
La there's plenty of attractive women to
go around also your location plays a
factor that does but also like um what
you engage with on social media if
you're if you've been like constantly
just seeing very attractive women I'm
not saying you do this but a lot of guys
will sort of tell themselves like this
is what I deserve but you know I I see
through all the fakeness though like a
lot of those IG models and really
attractive girls like if you remove
layers from them like they're actually
just cute they're more so just enhanced
they have lip fillers surgeries makeup
take the perfect angle picture hair done
you know and sometimes the difference
between those cute girls who chose you
and the really bad attractive ones is
that the really bad attractive ones have
more money to get surgery have sugar
daddies and just overall put more effort
into their looks so absolutely so what
is a a pro from your dating strategy
that you like yeah so my dating strategy
is based around finding women who like
you which gives you the highest degree
of what they call burning desire or
Genuine burning desire and genuine
burning desire if it start off from the
beginning overall it leads to a happier
and more fulfilling time with the woman
who you with so me I was asking myself
how can I get more of this genuine
burden desire like why do why does this
girl I had to like double text she fled
and then she eventually showed up but
when she got on the date feels like I
was pulling teeth versus this other girl
you know she made it effortless uh she
hit me up drove two hours yeah like
and the clear difference there was how
the interaction started and I've done a
lot of you know my own experimentation
of seeing how this works in real time
cuz I traced back to the girls I had the
best time with and it always started
from either of them showing initial
interest in me uh messaged me first uh
came up to me first like they showed
some degree of Interest through
indicators of Interest or whatever it
may be right and so so yeah you just get
the highest degree of burning genuine
desire and I I feel like after dealing
with a a woman who actually likes you I
can't necessarily go back to the whole
chasing what I want even though they
really don't like me to the fullest I
can't do it personally got you so one
thing I will say about Austin is he's
really good at okay let's just let's
just go back let's go back a month and
go figure out what was working the best
personally I never heard of anyone doing
that so met Austin right so I'm like
wait a minute he's he's like listen like
the girls you slept with if you go
backwards how did start who Meed who
first did did she come to was it a
choosing signal was it a cold approach
if you were to look at your list if you
keep one of girls in your phone that
you've been romantically into or Not
Sorry romantically been with sorry and
you would to Trac back you may see that
most of the time it was either a right
time right place or B they did some of
the lifting for you like they were like
hey well well we can go back to your
place you know they did some of the
heavy lifting to assist the process so
so that's very important but I guess
with me though I guess I'm willing to
put in effort to an extent right so for
example if I meet her go a bar club and
I'd shoot her a follow on Instagram and
she doesn't follow back well that's done
next girl so there's no let's DM her
let's let's do another DM on on her
story reply I'm very I'll put one foot
in you're not putting one foot back all
right next so that's one thing is if
you're going to pursue you have to have
a a more and a code of like yo I'm
willing to pursue but there has to the
second she shows like this like energy
about it you got to pull out the second
Pro of my dating strategy it really
optimizes you to have amazing social
skills the amount of times I've
approached groups of three four five six
women even dinner tables where I
approach their whole dinner table and
work the room that it takes a different
level so what that does is that
translates to your dates so if you can
walk up to a group of four or five girls
oh how you guys know each other you guys
are co-workers oh let me guess she work
at a med spa oh I just know you three
you got if you can get to a point where
you're just that socially on it that
just translates to your dates right um
so I feel like with not all guys but
let's just say a guy's main way of
getting women is status he doesn't leave
the house he just open opens up his DMS
I've heard girls say yeah I went to his
house he was sat in the corner he was on
his phone playing video games like he
was awkward to be around yeah like he
was not a pleasure yes the girl was in
awe holy [Β __Β ] this is a famous actor but
other than that he was boring yeah so
it's like when you're able to P you know
approach women at bars and clubs grocery
stores events and you're able to you
know to charm and Charisma that allows
you to be more fun to be around what's
your kind of take or SP on that yeah so
my I I do agree like there could be some
correlation between having having the
ability to speak to strangers especially
groups of women who you might be
attracted to how that translates to
dates but in my opinion those are two
different two completely different types
of social skills one is like um in
almost like a I want to say dance and
monkey but it's like bantering being
entertaining U working the crowd sort of
like a a standup comedian style you know
if I had to relate it to something
versus oneon-one interpersonal social
skills is completely different from
approaching like a group or even a
singular person and the reason why I
know that is because I've seen in
congruencies between social skills where
somebody might struggle to approach a
woman but they can have great one-on-one
conversations with a person they know or
who knows that they're attracted to them
so that's my only challenge with that I
believe there even though there could be
like a correlation they're kind of two
completely different social skills you
know so um for example there's people
who have great relationships and
friendships with their close friends but
put them in a group setting with
strangers of people they don't know
they're all of a sudden they're quiet
they don't know how to engage a group
because once again those are two
completely different social skills they
they're used to engaging with people
oneon-one but they're not used to
engaging people that they don't know or
outside outside of a group of course it
it works to works best to have those
both social skills maximized to the
fullest but you can be good at one
without necessarily having the greatest
strength in the other oh absolutely so
my high school friends they're the most
charismatic outgoing people ever but
when they go to a bar they sit at a
table and talk all night I'm like dog
like look at all this ass we're going to
sit here and have a circle jerk but the
second I approach a girl they get up and
they all run over CU thank God Chad
saved the day he approached the the
first girl of the night so we can get
some action with them right so they're
great in a one-on-one setting they're
they're very charismatic but like put
tell them to go approach that chick and
they're like H I don't know what to say
exactly right and it's a skill like
social skill is something you have to
work on so if you're if you want to get
better at that skill you have to
effectively practice it but um you
really have to want it like you have
have to have a desire to want to improve
that like if you're a guy where you um I
mean your dating strategy you would say
is still onl dating but like in terms of
the the code approach like you yourself
you go out almost every week right yeah
least once Friday and Saturday gotcha so
most guys like they go out occasionally
and so they don't train that social
skill hard enough or long enough to
fully be able to maximize it even though
they're probably still getting dates
from online dating or from work or
social groups or whatever they just
don't have the fullest almost confidence
to like approach a stranger you know I
agree so I think with with that is it
sucks because as you know from doing
this you know for a while most guys
pitches suck so they may get one or two
matches a week then they don't go out so
they're basically their dating life is
in the hands of an algorithm and their
pictures suck so it's it's like all
right most guys may not want to have the
balls to take a photo and look good and
go shopping they don't want to approach
girls so they're just like well what do
I do you know what I mean so it's like
with being able to go out and be social
it allows you to kind of you know what I
like her she's my type this may not go
anywhere but I'm getting better in
strengthening the skill of being social
but um yeah I totally gave her saying
some guys just like just there's no
desire for it just talk to a stranger
exactly I mean people who are actually
charismatic confident and very social
people these are people who lean more
extrovert in terms of their brain
chemistry and all that stuff they tend
to they tend to be more rewarded from
society like as an introvert you're
going to be punished cuz people you know
humans are social creatures and I'm
going to do a video of that like
literally the title is introverts are
punished extroverts are rewarded you go
into like the nuances of like how your
personality can affect the things you
get in life so some guys even though
they want to be social charismatic
extroverted I truly believe in this
might be a blackpill take of mind like
you can't outwork your brain chemistry
you know you can train yourself to be
confident in environment and force
yourself to do something but you can't
train yourself to be extroverted and
Thrive off social energy like me myself
I get the example of course is uh like I
can't I can but I don't want to I don't
want to be yapping for no reason like
everything for me is practical strategic
I have to do everything with purpose so
if I'm a approaching somebody is to get
a number to get an Instagram um for
example I feel like you're more likely
to approach a group and talk just to
talk yeah yeah I agree because it's like
for me it's like we're at this event
like me and you it's like why go to an
event just as just people watch I much
rather engage with the people at this
event than sit there and just that's
true that's true but but if you look if
you look at everybody else in the event
it seems like that's that's not what
most people are doing most people go to
events to uh to not meet people I'm not
saying this is right but they they stay
within their groups the circles and they
speak amongst the people that they came
with like it's rare
that it's rare that um people go outside
their groups to purposely meet people I
feel like that's mostly guys obviously
doing it to to meet mostly guys women
right yeah yeah girls can go out to a
bar and not speak to anybody else but
they know we're going to this most
popping bar in town because there's a
POS that they might see that they might
see somebody cuz if not just go just
turn on Bad Bunny and sit in the kitchen
like but they put on the tight dresses
and the and the makeup and the B you
know the BBL just to be also I think you
mentioned sometimes sometimes it's cool
to be be enamored by if you walk by a
group of girls and they're just like oh
[Β __Β ] know little little validation boost
nothing wrong with that yeah nothing
wrong with that all now moving on to the
pros I'll talk about my next Pro second
Pro yeah and that is it forces you to
work on yourself yes much so as we
talked about before most guys don't want
to self-improve make themselves more
attractive whatever but since the da
strategy is uh not necessarily waiting
but allowing you to attract whoever you
attract at the end of the day you are
what you attract and when it comes to
dating you might not even attract the
woman on your on your I mean it kind of
depends if you're in an environment
where there's more attractive women
you're more likely to do so but you're
going to notice like sometimes you're
not going to
fully be your type especially if they're
really not your type then you're going
to have to look in the mirror and be
like okay what can I work on myself
exactly you know it's not all about just
talk game and even then I I'll have this
debate too like even the guys who don't
work on themselves but they have the
highest degree of confidence and social
skills and Charisma I believe those guys
just get friend onone they're able to
like meet a lot of girls but on the back
end it doesn't lead anywhere except for
an Instagram follower or like being able
to they get it you know they friends
they get invited out to stuff or
whatever or what happens is it takes
them 6 months to build attraction time
yeah exactly time and mere exposure
effect familiarity princip exactly it
take a while exactly right so um with
that being said it since it forces you
to work on yourself you know it really
forces you to just improve which is a
positive aspect overall you know making
yourself more attractive um increasing
your sex appeal even when it comes to
communication that's an aspect of it too
right so
if for example if I started if I was
getting girls like like high quality
attractive women before I self improve I
wouldn't have had the motivation to like
really work on my physique work on my
like hairstyle work on my image my looks
things like that so so one thing we
talked about already too is whatever
starts working for somebody that's what
they think the king is right so for
example take a guy who was broke he
moved to Miami made money started
tricking on girls well that's it I just
needed money the whole time like that's
his mating strategy I never got girls I
got money then I got girls in actuality
that's just that's that's just what
worked for him meanwhile there's a a
bartender who makes 40K a year getting
way more ass and not spending any money
yeah so it's like everyone has their
strategy that think is that thinks that
works the best cuz that's what worked
for them from the start yeah and the
strategy usually Falls in line with the
attraction trigger in terms of uh what
women find about them so going back to a
guy sexual market value looks money
status money muscles game um we can add
Charisma and confidence in there too
abolutely so a guy who improves his
looks and starts attracting wom based on
his looks oh looks is King guy who makes
for money oh money is a guy who gets
famous oh yeah just just become rich and
famous
exactly so or the guy who gets uh really
good social skills and builds a social
group in the city oh Social Circle game
bro so like anything can work but it's
based on the attraction trigger that you
can leverage once again going based on
the things that you want to put effort
into and the things that fall more in
line towards your personality and
environment right so but I believe once
again going back to the Gen genuine
desire principle is nothing like when a
woman views you as like a A+ from a
physical standpoint bro absolutely and
one thing to add to Austin's point is a
lot of guys don't really want to
self-improve so they're only going to
attract girls that are like just average
like when I go W I at least get one girl
to walk up to me but again I'm like
you're cute I'll give you a conversation
cuz I'm I I I admire your confidence I
know I took a lot of work I'm going to
give you a conversation follow you on IG
if you make me and then follow you later
yeah got you now move on to my uh my
third Pro which is it helps you get over
the fear of rejection so I'm not going
to lie whenever I approach a girl is
there nerves possible rejection
absolutely I just do it anyway because
for a lot of people rejection is King I
should start a business rejection I
should go approach that girl rejection I
should go maybe a try a different job
what if I don't to get accepted
rejection is King in their life they
never do anything because of that what
if now my mindset is I much rather get
rejected than go home and go what if
I'll be honest last night he was there
we on the couch two beautiful Latino
girls you know what I much rather go up
to him say say something and get
rejected then go and have them just walk
right out and go damn bro you're you're
a [Β __Β ] for that so for me I work with
people I say bro you're your fear of
missing out has to be greater than fear
of rejection which I've gotten a lot
better at yeah um regret is almost in
every case um higher than uh the fear of
rejection and most guys will experience
that multiple times like in the moment
for example they have high anxiety they
don't appr personally grow but they home
thinking about it thinking about it like
what if what what if I should have
exactly and oddly enough the my first
ever long-term girlfriend of two and a
half years when I was 18 I met off a
quote Approach at a party what the wait
what yeah oh dude what oh damn I didn't
know that okay all right yeah okay so
quick story yeah Quick St side know I
would see her around campus and I
remember I was already talking to this
one girl who I I met through our College
Facebook group I would go through
finally CUO send them messages nice and
I end up meeting this one girl we
connected H it off lightskin cute girl
and um but we were in the washroom and I
remember seeing this this Filipino chick
long slick straight back hair looked
like Pocahontas in the face but I was
with the other girl I was like oh my God
she looks good and then I was constantly
see her then probably 8 months later we
were at a party months damn we were at a
party um and I remember seeing her kind
of like on her phone by herself like oh
[Β __Β ] that's that girl and I was
literally in my head for about 5 minutes
almost H in approach her bro and I end
up walking up to her I was like has
anybody ever told you you look like
Pocahontas and you're like get that L
blah blah and we started talking and
then a few months later that led into a
relationship bro so that that is true
like after having that experience and
this is before I got into game of course
18 old dawstin wasn't end this year yeah
like I definitely understand how regret
is a lot worse than rejection and in a
lot of cases if you knew that you were
not going to get rejected like let's say
you had oh damn yeah exactly you're
delusional in your brain like this will
never happen to me no like on like not
even from that perspective let's say you
can like read into the future and you
can like already know how the
interaction is going to go and you knew
you weren't going to get rejected I
promise you you approach it a lot more
women so all approach anxiety or in not
approaching women really does come down
to the fear of rejection or U not
wanting to waste time through rejection
and that's kind of on me for my dating
strategy too is not the fact that I'm
afraid of rejection it's the fact he'll
talk he'll do I've seen it he'll talk
yeah it's the fact that I understand
that I possibly could get rejected and
do I want to potentially waste that time
when I could be dealing with the woman
who I already know is not going to
reject me so it's kind of a double- Ed
sword right there so do you want to give
another Pro or want to go to your cons
cons yeah okay I got cons too now yeah
all right so the cons for me is kind of
going into the same U field is that you
kind of leave things up to chance and
and for that reason you might not
necessarily get the things you exactly
exactly want but at the same time this
is where there's like a gray area yeah
there is like um I don't necessarily
only always wait for choosing signals or
only always wait for a woman to mess
with me first for the girls who just do
it for me and I know when a girl does it
for me exactly like it's a particular
type it's a particular look like that's
when I would not leave that up to chance
and I'll take the the risk but there if
there's anything in between that to you
know then it's like h i I personally
just don't have the desire or motivation
maybe because I've been with a lot of
girls like if I've only been with like
two girls in my life and I was hungry
and new to this offense a lot it would
be different right but I'm I'm at a
different sort of stage and phase of my
life so that's a definitely a downside
to mine is that you kind of leave things
um up to chance and for that reason you
might not get exactly what you're
looking for and I think that's a fair
thing to say too because um I'm not sure
how much I can say but this is not that
bad you said Austin that you've been at
the gym a girl won't look at you won't
walk by you like you don't exist all of
a sudden she's lacking you first and
messes you first on a dating app like
girl like we've been in the same space
over and over and over again and now
we're on a dating app you're showing
High interest but like IM M but again
like like you said what if you were just
to approach her why would have went fine
it would have went fine yeah and that's
where sometimes I I get in my head too
cuz it's almost like um you know I've
been in multiple instances is as Chad
said where I've been in in real life
scenarios with girls who I end up later
hooking up with or having like some sort
of relationship with but like that
connection was never made cuz I didn't
approach her and she didn't make any
chooses signals towards me so how would
I ever know I would have to take that
risk for chance but I just didn't so I
left it up the chance and chance still
fell back to me still fell still fell
back in my way but um but you know I
could have cut that time frame in half
you know absolutely so I guess a for me
cuz there's definitely cons of this
lifestyle is number one I'll do two to
speed this up we're already yapping
think it's like 20 something minutes
already burnout burnout and money time
I'll kind of bundle that so first things
burnout okay for me I'm I have a very
resilient mindset on everything I can
post a 100 videos they could all flop
guess what next day I'm posting some
more I'm just very resilient to where
it's like I don't care as long as I show
up and do the work the result is coming
that's my mindset but for some guys
let's say they go on four dates in one
month so one per week they do the right
thing they bring flowers they do the
nice dinner they pull the chair oh it's
so nice seeing you I'll see you again
next day nothing they're like what the
and then say that happens four times in
a row without changing any strategies
it's the same thing they'll get burned
out with so first their mindset is
burned out like is this even worth it is
dating for me then the the money burn
out like dude I'm 500 in the hole with
these four dates and it came nothing
like not a kiss not a l nothing and then
you throw in time cuz some guys believe
the way to keep a girl interested is by
giving her more time makes sense right
makes sense right I have to text you
good morning text you throughout the day
text you at night cuz I want I want to
show you I'm interested so I guess the
burnout of time money and your mindset
can really hurt from um pursuing women
oppos to just waiting for women to
choose you yeah and burnout overall will
lead to resentment yeah yeah that's
that's that's that's a fact yeah
resentment towards women towards dating
as a whole towards it's definitely that
sort of dating strategy and um you know
leading to another con about that D
strategy is that you kind of a lot of
cases deal with women who have interest
but just not high interest like there
some they're intrigued they're
interested maybe if the experience is
right if he takes me out on enough dates
if he uh wears the right outfit like you
never know the variable right and so for
that reason like you're kind of it's
it's more so Less in your control like
the reason why you know choose the
signals or whatever is that I'm
pre-qualifying their High interest in me
I'm not trying to see if they have high
interest I already know based on how
they're acting towards me but if you're
like chasing or approaching or going
after it you could be dealing with a
woman who sort of kind of likes you who
is a little intrigued by you but it's up
to you to like fully increase that
attraction you know you can increase
attraction through time through giving
her experiences through like even even
tricking some guys do you know and I
never want to position myself in a
outside of where I'm having to raise
attraction I still raise attraction on
high interest cuz believe it or not high
interest could get even to like higher
interest to where they're like obsessed
with you right but but that gap between
taking a low interest woman to like high
interest could be like five six dates
$500 and even then a lot of the time it
might it might get right here before it
Fizzles out so so I I'll say this what
helps me counteract that is volume
abundance abundance right so for example
like when I paid for hinge right now
that's a whole side note but when I paid
for hinge three to five matches per day
so it got to a point where it's like
okay if this date doesn't go exactly on
to go next there wasn't no further
investment no further explanation just
next thing them but again if you're a
guy and you're not quite in that
position you're going to have to have
higher standards because I don't want
girls like Austin said they show up on
dates don't show up they'll be be look
nice for you they'll smile they'll be
fun to be around oh it's back to my
place I don't really do that type of
stuff you know or like let's say you do
three dates at a nice venue you spent
$400 hey let's cook dinner tonight o I
don't really like cooking dinner could
we go back out like you're like girl
what the hell right now mind you I don't
deal with that cuz I'm sees it in the
game but a guy out there is like yeah
she's showing up yeah she's not doing
bedroom stuff but she's showing up that
was Austin's point of like she's kind of
interested or there's a guy she really
likes and just uses you in the middle
you know what I mean you know that's
that's that's super shitty as well
exactly um uh what's another uh con if
you have another one uh
if not have another con okay I've
realized this with myself I think Austin
brought up earlier the con of my dating
strategy as well it can make you a bit
more antsy and I'll
explain the thing with the thing with me
is if we're going to go to a pop inside
of town where there's a bunch of people
I'm sorry sitting around just just hey
she's bad yeah the song is good yeah bro
just just doing that for 2 3 hours is
boring
I want action if I want to sit around
and go yeah bro yeah bro we can sit on
this couch you know what I mean all
these girls rock around pushup bras and
bbls and look good as hell I'm trying to
I'm trying to have this life be
interesting let's be real women make
life interesting you know if you go work
five days a week no dates on the
weekends or just work and Netflix life
is kind of boring women had a nice spice
to your life so what with my dating
strategy is since I go after the baddest
one I can see or find it makes you more
antsy versus here's the thing though if
I had 20 girls a day dming me I'd go out
to a venue and just be like
this I don't care like there's oh
another one like I don't care yeah
because there's so much so many so much
inbound attention towards me like if I
if I had a like a what I call a male
gaze Tik Tok account where I'm cleaning
my place in a tank top and I'm cutting
up steak my no veins are popping out oh
i' be inbounding leads all day right
which would make me like why potentially
get rejected or why even give my energy
to a girl who may not like me when I
have a phone full of girls who do were
hitting me up here's the thing it's just
not general advice cuz most guys aren't
content creators most guys have a photos
their Instagram looks like this 2018
photo 2020 photo so it's like most guys
aren't optimized for this inbound
lifestyle to where I teach guys look
your average everywhere Instagram picks
looks physique yes you can go and try
running Austin's game it may take you
two three years of self-improving to get
there but when you get there it's sweet
it really is sweet cuz I've seen it we
walk the streets you're handsome we're
at the gas station wow bro you you're
nice muscles like I've seen it so I know
I know that that what can happen if you
get to his level but I've only seen it
once I've only seen it once I mean going
back to your point about being antie
when when you go out that's why in my
opinion you have to have a purpose or
Reason of going out if your goal is to
go out to meet women then you have to go
with that objective and maybe tell
yourself I'm going to approach 10 two to
five girls tonight or get 10 approaches
tonight right you can't just go out just
to go out you know what does that mean
go out just to go out like oh I I get
what you're saying so for example we
went out I'm like okay if I get one to
two off purchase off that's great that's
like again I'm just here having a good
time one to two is usually my goto I
don't I don't usually do four five six
unless my homie is on the same time
because if he approaches four I got to
approach five to one up yeah but if I'm
with a guy it's like hey you know I'm
cool just you know we'll we'll wait for
girls to come to us I adapt that mindset
for the most part and only do like one
or two approaches oh okay that's fine
yeah yeah mhm yeah but uh yeah man uh so
I guess any uh closing opinions or um
closing things to talk about yeah so
closing thing for me is that you got to
understand that dating is a numbers game
so obviously if we put this into analogy
of basketball right yeah my dating
strategy allows me to optimize for a
layup it's more likely to go in or to
the least a free throw and if you
practice free throws you can get like a
what 80 90% yeah free throw percentage
but you know you're still going to get
more results if you shoot a th000 full
court shots versus going for 10 10 to 50
layups right like from a numbers
percentage you're still going to get
more results doing the harder thing and
so my day strategy isn't necessarily
optimized get to get the most amount of
women is what I'm trying to say is
optimized for you to work on other areas
of your life improve yourself and then
Woman as a a side benefit or a byproduct
of your self-improvement whereas Chaz
more so is optimized to like fully max
out the numbers game and go after with
what you want and depending on where
you're at in your life that may be a
better strategy for you like some of you
guys might start off with that strategy
and then come over to M or some of you
guys might might be OB you start off
with mine but you realize you want
hotter uh women in more of an abundance
and you want you know four or five dates
a week then you're going to put more
effort into shooting your shot
everywhere you go right so it kind of
depends on where your mindset is at your
age your experience level what you
really want but just know that M isn't
necessarily optimized to get the most
amount of women and have like extreme
abundance you know got you my closing
thing is
this Albert like I said in the very
beginning Austin self-improvement
Journey has been long okay so if right
now you're struggling you're not sure
where to go if you're willing to get
down to 10 sometimes even 9% body fat
constantly changing your look and
testing which one which look is the best
grow hair out grow hair short waves what
whatever it is
and you're willing to you know
constantly be shopping for new fits and
new new style see what's best for you
you're taking pictures um good ones for
Instagram and hinge so you can always
attract know hot women that's it's going
to it probably will work for you it
probably will but most guys already
think taking a photo in public is cringe
so they're not going to put in like this
much effort so me and Austin took a
dating approach like okay if I give
effort either to the dating game or
yourself or both hopefully you'll get a
better result so for me my result is
okay the masses most people are average
so I'm going to give you the dating
strateg that what best for that if
everyone is walking around with a full
headful of hair at 9% body fat no bro
let the host choose you what the hell
but since most guys are just average all
around as in looks physique
income like everything's average you're
better off in my personal opinion
shooting shots opposed to waiting to see
who comes up to you yeah yeah you're
definitely better off in terms of
shooting your shot I definitely agree
but once again I still have the debate
where they can shoot their shot but the
results are still going to be setar for
them until they self-improve you know
you approach a 100 women and and three
turn out to dates and then two show up
and one goes to a second date
and she flakes on the next one maybe
that's a pessimistic mindset though you
know you go you got to go out there and
test for yourself like there's so many
variables at play like a lot of the
stuff we talk about too is from our own
experience but a a lot of theories uh
play into this too based on our own
experience and what we' seen and the
guys we help so at the end of the day
you got to experiment and see what works
best for you and once again it falls in
line with your environment your
personality and what you want to
accomplish but yeah man I appreciate you
guys watching this video Austin let
people know where they can find you yeah
you can find me YouTube Instagram Austin
Dunham Instagram is based Austin Dam um
check out the content talk a lot about
social media strategies presentation
online dating and um making the ability
to attract higher interest women easier
for you so check me out guys have a good
one peace peace
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