Should You WAIT For Her To Choose You? @AustinDunhamVlogs

Summary

In this video, the hosts discuss the dating strategy of waiting for women to choose you versus actively pursuing them. They explore the concept of 'positive narcissism' and the importance of self-improvement for years to attract the desired partner. The conversation covers the pros and cons of each approach, including the impact on self-esteem, the likelihood of attracting genuine interest, and the potential for burnout. The hosts, Chad and Austin, share personal experiences and insights, emphasizing the need to find a dating strategy that aligns with one's personality, lifestyle, and goals.

Takeaways

• 😀 The speaker advocates for self-improvement over a passive approach to dating, suggesting it can take years to become attractive to the desired partners.
• 💪 The concept of 'positive narcissism' is introduced, which involves constantly seeking self-improvement in appearance and lifestyle.
• 👔 There's a discussion on the effort required for self-improvement versus the effort some men put into activities like taking photos for social media, which may not necessarily improve their attractiveness.
• 🚫 The speaker challenges the idea that self-improvement is too much effort, arguing that men are often lazy and that effort is key to success in dating.
• 🔁 The importance of aligning one's dating strategy with their lifestyle, personality, and goals is emphasized.
• 🤔 The video explores the pros and cons of different dating strategies, such as waiting for women to show interest versus actively pursuing them.
• 💡 The idea of 'genuine burning desire' is discussed, suggesting that relationships are more fulfilling when they start with a woman showing strong initial interest.
• 🎯 The video highlights how certain dating strategies can optimize social skills and the ability to approach groups or individuals, which can translate to better dates.
• 💸 The potential downsides of a proactive dating approach include the risk of financial and emotional investment without guaranteed outcomes.
• 🚶‍♂️ The speakers share personal experiences and anecdotes to illustrate their points about dating strategies and the importance of self-improvement.

Q & A

What is the main topic of the video?

The main topic of the video is whether one should wait for girls to choose them or not, and the discussion revolves around the pros and cons of this dating strategy.

What does the term 'waiting for girls to choose you' imply in the context of the video?

In the context of the video, 'waiting for girls to choose you' implies a dating strategy where men do not actively pursue women but instead focus on self-improvement to attract women who are genuinely interested.

What is the concept of 'positive narcissism' mentioned in the video?

The concept of 'positive narcissism' refers to the constant self-assessment and desire for self-improvement, such as changing one's hairstyle, improving fitness, or updating one's fashion sense to enhance attractiveness.

Why does the video suggest that men might be lazy in terms of self-improvement?

The video suggests that men might be lazy in terms of self-improvement because many men do not put in the effort to change their appearance or style, which is necessary for attracting a partner, and instead may focus on activities that do not contribute to personal growth.

What is the significance of the speaker's comment about taking photos at a restaurant?

The comment about taking photos at a restaurant highlights the effort some people are willing to put into their social media presence to appear more attractive or interesting, which contrasts with the effort required for self-improvement in real life.

How does the video address the idea of increasing one's charisma and confidence?

The video addresses the idea of increasing one's charisma and confidence by suggesting that men should approach many women, which can be seen as more effort than self-improvement, but it also implies that it can lead to better dating outcomes.

What is the role of dating strategy according to the video?

According to the video, a dating strategy should align with one's lifestyle, personality, and personal goals. It should be chosen based on the level of effort one is willing to put in and the strengths one possesses.

Why does the video discuss the importance of self-improvement in the context of dating?

The video discusses the importance of self-improvement in dating because it argues that improving oneself can lead to attracting higher quality partners and ultimately more fulfilling relationships.

What does the video suggest about the relationship between social skills and dating success?

The video suggests that having strong social skills, particularly the ability to approach and engage with groups of women, can translate to success in dating by making one more attractive and fun to be around.

How does the video differentiate between the social skills required for group settings versus one-on-one interactions?

The video differentiates between the social skills required for group settings and one-on-one interactions by stating that being charismatic and entertaining in a group is like performing as a standup comedian, whereas one-on-one skills are more about building a deep interpersonal connection.

Outlines

00:00

🚹 Male Dating Strategies and Self-Improvement

The paragraph discusses the concept of waiting for women to choose men in the context of dating. It emphasizes the importance of self-improvement for men, suggesting that it could take years to become attractive to women. The speaker shares personal anecdotes about his journey, highlighting the transformation from an average-looking 18-year-old to a more put-together adult through what he terms 'positive narcissism.' This involves constant self-assessment and improvement in appearance and style. The paragraph also touches on societal expectations for men to put in effort in dating and the role of ego in choosing dating strategies.

05:01

🤔 Balancing Ego and Practicality in Dating

This section delves into the balance between satisfying one's ego and being practical in dating. The speaker explains how his ego drives him to seek out the most attractive partners, but also acknowledges the importance of compatibility and effort. The conversation contrasts the speaker's ego-driven approach with a more practical, results-driven strategy where the focus is on building relationships with women who show genuine interest. The paragraph also discusses the impact of location and social media on dating expectations and the idea of 'settling' versus pursuing higher standards in relationships.

10:04

💬 The Art of Social Interaction and Dating

The focus of this paragraph is on the art of social interaction, particularly in dating contexts. It discusses the importance of social skills in dating, such as approaching groups of women or initiating conversations, and how these skills can translate to more successful dates. The paragraph contrasts the social skills required for group settings with those needed for one-on-one interactions, suggesting that they are distinct yet complementary. It also touches on the idea that some people may be naturally more inclined towards extroversion, which can influence their dating experiences.

15:04

🔄 The Pros and Cons of Passive Dating

This section explores the pros and cons of a passive dating strategy, where the individual waits for women to show interest rather than actively pursuing them. Pros include the potential for a more fulfilling relationship when there is genuine interest from the woman and the opportunity to work on oneself rather than focusing solely on attracting partners. Cons, however, include the risk of missing out on potential relationships due to inaction and the possibility of settling for less than ideal matches. The paragraph emphasizes the importance of self-improvement and the potential drawbacks of a passive approach in the context of dating.

20:04

💰 The Financial and Emotional Costs of Active Dating

The paragraph discusses the financial and emotional costs associated with an active dating strategy, where individuals actively pursue potential partners. It highlights the potential for burnout, both emotionally and financially, due to the effort and resources expended in dating. The conversation also touches on the concept of 'high interest' versus 'low interest' in dating, suggesting that pursuing those who show high interest can be more rewarding and less costly than trying to increase the interest of those who are less invested. The paragraph concludes with a discussion of the need for volume and abundance in dating to counteract the potential negative effects of an active dating strategy.

25:05

🎯 The Importance of Strategy in Dating

This section emphasizes the importance of strategy in dating, suggesting that different approaches can yield different results based on individual circumstances and goals. The conversation contrasts a numbers-based approach, where the focus is on approaching a large number of potential partners, with a more selective approach that prioritizes quality over quantity. The paragraph also discusses the role of self-improvement in attracting higher interest from potential partners and the idea that dating strategies should align with personal values and lifestyle.

30:08

🔚 Closing Thoughts on Dating Strategies

The final paragraph summarizes the key points of the discussion on dating strategies. It reiterates the importance of self-improvement and the need to find a dating approach that aligns with one's personality, lifestyle, and goals. The conversation concludes with a reminder that dating is a numbers game and that experimentation and personal experience are crucial in determining the most effective strategy for each individual.

Keywords

💡Self-improvement

Self-improvement refers to the process of personal development and growth. In the video, it is discussed as a multi-year journey that involves continuous efforts to enhance one's physical appearance, communication skills, and overall attractiveness. The script mentions Austin's transformation over five to six years as an example of self-improvement, where he worked on his physique, hairstyle, and fashion sense.

💡Positive narcissism

Positive narcissism is the act of self-admiration and self-love used constructively to foster self-improvement. The video describes it as a mindset where individuals constantly evaluate themselves and identify areas for improvement, such as better outfits or a different hairstyle. This concept is contrasted with 'lazy' behavior, suggesting that taking an active interest in one's appearance and skills can lead to significant personal growth.

💡Charisma

Charisma is defined as a compelling charm or attractiveness that can influence others. In the context of the video, charisma is cited as a key attribute that can be developed and used to improve social interactions, particularly when approaching groups of women. It is implied that charismatic individuals can more effectively engage with others, which can translate into better dating experiences.

💡Dating strategy

A dating strategy refers to a planned approach to engaging with potential romantic partners. The video discusses different strategies, such as allowing women to choose the individual versus actively pursuing them. The choice of strategy is linked to personal lifestyle, personality, and desired outcomes in dating. The speakers share their personal strategies and the pros and cons associated with each.

💡Social skills

Social skills are the abilities to interact effectively with others. The video emphasizes the importance of social skills in dating, particularly the ability to approach and engage with groups of women or individuals. It is suggested that strong social skills can lead to more successful dating experiences and that these skills can be developed through practice and experience.

💡Fear of rejection

Fear of rejection is the apprehension of being turned down or dismissed by others. In the video, this fear is identified as a significant barrier to approaching potential romantic partners. The speakers discuss how overcoming this fear is crucial for those who choose to actively pursue dates, and they share personal anecdotes to illustrate the negative impact of not taking action due to fear.

💡Burnout

Burnout refers to a state of physical or mental exhaustion caused by prolonged stress or frustration. In the context of the video, burnout is discussed as a potential consequence of repeatedly investing time, money, and emotional energy into dating without receiving the desired outcomes, such as forming a romantic relationship.

💡Genuine burning desire

Genuine burning desire refers to a deep and passionate interest or attraction. The video suggests that dating experiences are more fulfilling when they start with a woman showing a high degree of initial interest. This concept is used to argue for a dating strategy that emphasizes attracting women who are genuinely interested, as opposed to pursuing those who show lower levels of interest.

💡Physical attraction

Physical attraction is the appeal someone has based on their physical appearance. The video script discusses the importance of physical attraction in dating, with the speakers sharing their personal preferences and experiences. It is noted that physical attraction can be a significant factor in the success of dating interactions and relationships.

💡Ego

Ego, in this context, refers to an individual's self-esteem and self-image. The speakers in the video discuss how their ego influences their dating strategies, with one stating that his ego is satisfied by being chosen by women he finds highly attractive. Ego is presented as a motivator for self-improvement and a factor in the decision to pursue or not pursue potential romantic interests.

Highlights

The importance of self-improvement over a span of years to increase the chances of being chosen by women.

The concept of 'positive narcissism' as a drive for self-improvement.

The role of effort in both self-improvement and dating strategies.

The idea that men are often lazy when it comes to self-improvement.

The comparison between the effort put into taking photos and the effort put into self-improvement.

The significance of increasing charisma and confidence to approach women.

The personal dating strategy of allowing women to choose the man.

The pros and cons of dating strategies that involve waiting for women to show interest.

The impact of location and social media on one's dating strategy and expectations.

The difference between social skills in group settings versus one-on-one interactions.

The idea that dating strategies should align with one's lifestyle, personality, and goals.

The challenge of translating social skills in public settings to one-on-one dating scenarios.

The role of volume and abundance in dating strategies.

The potential for burnout and resentment in dating strategies that involve pursuing women.

The necessity of understanding that dating is a numbers game and the importance of volume.

The closing thoughts on the necessity of self-improvement and the experimentation of different dating strategies.

The emphasis on the individual's journey and the need to find a dating strategy that works best for them.

Transcripts

so you read the title of this video

should you wait for girls to choose you

I agree I really think that they should

but when I think of that term waiting

for girls to choose you I think about it

at a grand scale if we put 10 men put

him in a room would they land the girl

they wanted if they had to wait for her

to choose him I say

no I say no so that's why I always push

back a bit where if you want to get to a

point where the girls are choosing you

it's going to take some some I'm going

to say years of self-improvement now I'm

going to say an assumption about Austin

real quick before you introduces himself

Austin if you saw him my 18 years old

okay you know handsome guy but you know

nothing too crazy but you see him now

it's like whoa so it's like it took what

five six seven years yeah of constantly

looking yourself like I can improve that

okay I can improve this hair I can get

lean it's it was constant in a way what

I call positive narcissism

like constantly looking at yourself I

can improve I can get a better outfit I

can get better shoes I can try a

different hairstyle most dudes will

never do that but why not I say why not

because men are lazy for example I'm I'm

Legit going to make a video on this

after this video I made a video you know

how we're at that restaurant taking

pictures pict pictures right yeah I made

a video breaking down how to do that

people said too much effort men really

do this much to get take photos but it's

also a lot of it's a lot of effort not

improving at the same time too so what's

vice versa you increase your uh Charisma

confidence you approach a lot of women

that's even more effort true like so

like either way it's it's a lot of

effort so the guys who are saying it's

too much effort to self-improve are the

guys who either don't care or wouldn't

get results either way that's the way I

look at it so you pick pick your degree

of effort and then pick the one that

falls more in line with the things that

you have strengths for and the

your sort of strategy which we're going

to talk about our dating strategies and

your dating strategy Falls in line with

your lifestyle your um personality and

what you personally want to accomplish

and that's why I conceived my personal

dating strategy of allowing the woman to

choose me because I tried the other way

and it just led to more so increasing

frustration and time wasted but we can

get into that so I'm sorry Austin didn't

even I can't speak Austin didn't even

introduce himself Austin go ahead and

some people who don't know yeah what's

up everybody my name is Austin Dunham uh

you guys have probably seen my face

somewhere on the internet over the past

10 years uh started off first doing

callousness content teaching how to get

strong with your body weight because my

goal is to maximize my strength and

overall uh my looks in terms of fitness

and so I mastered that area of my life U

my next challenge was mastering the art

of women and dating um and so mastered

that then I started talking about that

and you know now I talk about fashion

Fitness dating topics related to um you

know getting women more so to choose you

as Chad talked about and I've been doing

that for a few years now beautiful so

today's video the topic is should you

wait for girls to choose you like I said

the answer is yes right but when I think

about it on a grand scale cuz see I

teach this to people I teach it and I

think for most men if they waited they

won't get anything so my whole thing is

this we're going to talk about pros of

my dating Style and cons of it and pros

of his dating style and the cons of it

so I'll go first with my first pro for

me personally I I'm I'm GNA do this like

a from a subjective standpoint where

it's personal I have a big ego I think

Austin can confirm some of the girls

I've not I've said ah I don't really

like her I don't find her attractive

she's like what he's like why right so I

guess my ego wants to look at a girl and

go yes that's probably the best I can do

right so that's my ego right so when

girls like yesterday approach us and

approach you know me and Austin I'm like

okay you girls are cute you're a four or

a five you're just you're just that

average but I'm looking around at girls

make that make me do this oh [ __ ] so I

feel personally like I'd be settling if

I were to go with this girl in front of

me who's twirling her hair and looking

up at me and like looking away looking

back when there's girls walking around

who are better than what I see so that's

the first thing about me about I like

about my dating strategy my ego gets

stroked what is your I guess confliction

or even I get it like what's your thing

with that yeah so so how do you identify

your ego like what do you mean like is

it that you see yourself with somebody

who like what do you mean your your ego

like what does ego mean for you got you

so when I say my ego is ever since I was

a kid right I never had access to the

prettiest girls at school i' I'd shoot

my shot at them I tried talking to him

but the second I hit him with that we

should hang out sometime it was like 8

hours later oh I just saw this like I'm

so sorry yeah so now the fact that I can

play up there with the most attractive

girls and I've done it I have done it

it's like okay I belong here now and

since I've been talking to the to these

types of girls in my life and they're

you know we're having relationships and

we're having you know doing the nasty

and stuff like that my ego is saying yes

you belong here now right

so now if I were to go back to girls who

yes choose me but I'm like I was out

with a girl who was 10 times B better

than you last week my ego is like bro

you're settling don't do that gotcha

yeah so from that perspective like it's

really not really black and white like

oh you know you can do you can actually

do both but true I do understand dealing

with women who you're highly physically

attracted to and some in some cases if

you're waiting for the girls to choose

you that you're not always going to be

like the most excited about them from a

physically attractive standpoint but um

with me at least I I'm really results

driven like I'm very practical logical

so yes I can satisfy my ego in certain

ways and I have been with very

attractive women who you chose me or the

woman who I had to get to but my thing

is what works on the most consistent

basis like do I really want to waste my

time chasing after this girl or would I

go down a few points for a girl who's

gon to give me the world and do

everything I want towards me that's the

way I look at it and so you know if you

do have an ego like Chad like I said it

comes out to your personality you're

going to fall more in line uh with that

with that personal dating strategy me

myself I do have an ego but my ego is

more so based around why don't you like

me it's not it's not that I have to be

with the absolute baddest of the the

baddest you know but um a lot of that

could be because you're you're

conditioning too um you know living in

La there's plenty of attractive women to

go around also your location plays a

factor that does but also like um what

you engage with on social media if

you're if you've been like constantly

just seeing very attractive women I'm

not saying you do this but a lot of guys

will sort of tell themselves like this

is what I deserve but you know I I see

through all the fakeness though like a

lot of those IG models and really

attractive girls like if you remove

layers from them like they're actually

just cute they're more so just enhanced

they have lip fillers surgeries makeup

take the perfect angle picture hair done

you know and sometimes the difference

between those cute girls who chose you

and the really bad attractive ones is

that the really bad attractive ones have

more money to get surgery have sugar

daddies and just overall put more effort

into their looks so absolutely so what

is a a pro from your dating strategy

that you like yeah so my dating strategy

is based around finding women who like

you which gives you the highest degree

of what they call burning desire or

Genuine burning desire and genuine

burning desire if it start off from the

beginning overall it leads to a happier

and more fulfilling time with the woman

who you with so me I was asking myself

how can I get more of this genuine

burden desire like why do why does this

girl I had to like double text she fled

and then she eventually showed up but

when she got on the date feels like I

was pulling teeth versus this other girl

you know she made it effortless uh she

hit me up drove two hours yeah like

and the clear difference there was how

the interaction started and I've done a

lot of you know my own experimentation

of seeing how this works in real time

cuz I traced back to the girls I had the

best time with and it always started

from either of them showing initial

interest in me uh messaged me first uh

came up to me first like they showed

some degree of Interest through

indicators of Interest or whatever it

may be right and so so yeah you just get

the highest degree of burning genuine

desire and I I feel like after dealing

with a a woman who actually likes you I

can't necessarily go back to the whole

chasing what I want even though they

really don't like me to the fullest I

can't do it personally got you so one

thing I will say about Austin is he's

really good at okay let's just let's

just go back let's go back a month and

go figure out what was working the best

personally I never heard of anyone doing

that so met Austin right so I'm like

wait a minute he's he's like listen like

the girls you slept with if you go

backwards how did start who Meed who

first did did she come to was it a

choosing signal was it a cold approach

if you were to look at your list if you

keep one of girls in your phone that

you've been romantically into or Not

Sorry romantically been with sorry and

you would to Trac back you may see that

most of the time it was either a right

time right place or B they did some of

the lifting for you like they were like

hey well well we can go back to your

place you know they did some of the

heavy lifting to assist the process so

so that's very important but I guess

with me though I guess I'm willing to

put in effort to an extent right so for

example if I meet her go a bar club and

I'd shoot her a follow on Instagram and

she doesn't follow back well that's done

next girl so there's no let's DM her

let's let's do another DM on on her

story reply I'm very I'll put one foot

in you're not putting one foot back all

right next so that's one thing is if

you're going to pursue you have to have

a a more and a code of like yo I'm

willing to pursue but there has to the

second she shows like this like energy

about it you got to pull out the second

Pro of my dating strategy it really

optimizes you to have amazing social

skills the amount of times I've

approached groups of three four five six

women even dinner tables where I

approach their whole dinner table and

work the room that it takes a different

level so what that does is that

translates to your dates so if you can

walk up to a group of four or five girls

oh how you guys know each other you guys

are co-workers oh let me guess she work

at a med spa oh I just know you three

you got if you can get to a point where

you're just that socially on it that

just translates to your dates right um

so I feel like with not all guys but

let's just say a guy's main way of

getting women is status he doesn't leave

the house he just open opens up his DMS

I've heard girls say yeah I went to his

house he was sat in the corner he was on

his phone playing video games like he

was awkward to be around yeah like he

was not a pleasure yes the girl was in

awe holy [ __ ] this is a famous actor but

other than that he was boring yeah so

it's like when you're able to P you know

approach women at bars and clubs grocery

stores events and you're able to you

know to charm and Charisma that allows

you to be more fun to be around what's

your kind of take or SP on that yeah so

my I I do agree like there could be some

correlation between having having the

ability to speak to strangers especially

groups of women who you might be

attracted to how that translates to

dates but in my opinion those are two

different two completely different types

of social skills one is like um in

almost like a I want to say dance and

monkey but it's like bantering being

entertaining U working the crowd sort of

like a a standup comedian style you know

if I had to relate it to something

versus oneon-one interpersonal social

skills is completely different from

approaching like a group or even a

singular person and the reason why I

know that is because I've seen in

congruencies between social skills where

somebody might struggle to approach a

woman but they can have great one-on-one

conversations with a person they know or

who knows that they're attracted to them

so that's my only challenge with that I

believe there even though there could be

like a correlation they're kind of two

completely different social skills you

know so um for example there's people

who have great relationships and

friendships with their close friends but

put them in a group setting with

strangers of people they don't know

they're all of a sudden they're quiet

they don't know how to engage a group

because once again those are two

completely different social skills they

they're used to engaging with people

oneon-one but they're not used to

engaging people that they don't know or

outside outside of a group of course it

it works to works best to have those

both social skills maximized to the

fullest but you can be good at one

without necessarily having the greatest

strength in the other oh absolutely so

my high school friends they're the most

charismatic outgoing people ever but

when they go to a bar they sit at a

table and talk all night I'm like dog

like look at all this ass we're going to

sit here and have a circle jerk but the

second I approach a girl they get up and

they all run over CU thank God Chad

saved the day he approached the the

first girl of the night so we can get

some action with them right so they're

great in a one-on-one setting they're

they're very charismatic but like put

tell them to go approach that chick and

they're like H I don't know what to say

exactly right and it's a skill like

social skill is something you have to

work on so if you're if you want to get

better at that skill you have to

effectively practice it but um you

really have to want it like you have

have to have a desire to want to improve

that like if you're a guy where you um I

mean your dating strategy you would say

is still onl dating but like in terms of

the the code approach like you yourself

you go out almost every week right yeah

least once Friday and Saturday gotcha so

most guys like they go out occasionally

and so they don't train that social

skill hard enough or long enough to

fully be able to maximize it even though

they're probably still getting dates

from online dating or from work or

social groups or whatever they just

don't have the fullest almost confidence

to like approach a stranger you know I

agree so I think with with that is it

sucks because as you know from doing

this you know for a while most guys

pitches suck so they may get one or two

matches a week then they don't go out so

they're basically their dating life is

in the hands of an algorithm and their

pictures suck so it's it's like all

right most guys may not want to have the

balls to take a photo and look good and

go shopping they don't want to approach

girls so they're just like well what do

I do you know what I mean so it's like

with being able to go out and be social

it allows you to kind of you know what I

like her she's my type this may not go

anywhere but I'm getting better in

strengthening the skill of being social

but um yeah I totally gave her saying

some guys just like just there's no

desire for it just talk to a stranger

exactly I mean people who are actually

charismatic confident and very social

people these are people who lean more

extrovert in terms of their brain

chemistry and all that stuff they tend

to they tend to be more rewarded from

society like as an introvert you're

going to be punished cuz people you know

humans are social creatures and I'm

going to do a video of that like

literally the title is introverts are

punished extroverts are rewarded you go

into like the nuances of like how your

personality can affect the things you

get in life so some guys even though

they want to be social charismatic

extroverted I truly believe in this

might be a blackpill take of mind like

you can't outwork your brain chemistry

you know you can train yourself to be

confident in environment and force

yourself to do something but you can't

train yourself to be extroverted and

Thrive off social energy like me myself

I get the example of course is uh like I

can't I can but I don't want to I don't

want to be yapping for no reason like

everything for me is practical strategic

I have to do everything with purpose so

if I'm a approaching somebody is to get

a number to get an Instagram um for

example I feel like you're more likely

to approach a group and talk just to

talk yeah yeah I agree because it's like

for me it's like we're at this event

like me and you it's like why go to an

event just as just people watch I much

rather engage with the people at this

event than sit there and just that's

true that's true but but if you look if

you look at everybody else in the event

it seems like that's that's not what

most people are doing most people go to

events to uh to not meet people I'm not

saying this is right but they they stay

within their groups the circles and they

speak amongst the people that they came

with like it's rare

that it's rare that um people go outside

their groups to purposely meet people I

feel like that's mostly guys obviously

doing it to to meet mostly guys women

right yeah yeah girls can go out to a

bar and not speak to anybody else but

they know we're going to this most

popping bar in town because there's a

POS that they might see that they might

see somebody cuz if not just go just

turn on Bad Bunny and sit in the kitchen

like but they put on the tight dresses

and the and the makeup and the B you

know the BBL just to be also I think you

mentioned sometimes sometimes it's cool

to be be enamored by if you walk by a

group of girls and they're just like oh

[ __ ] know little little validation boost

nothing wrong with that yeah nothing

wrong with that all now moving on to the

pros I'll talk about my next Pro second

Pro yeah and that is it forces you to

work on yourself yes much so as we

talked about before most guys don't want

to self-improve make themselves more

attractive whatever but since the da

strategy is uh not necessarily waiting

but allowing you to attract whoever you

attract at the end of the day you are

what you attract and when it comes to

dating you might not even attract the

woman on your on your I mean it kind of

depends if you're in an environment

where there's more attractive women

you're more likely to do so but you're

going to notice like sometimes you're

not going to

fully be your type especially if they're

really not your type then you're going

to have to look in the mirror and be

like okay what can I work on myself

exactly you know it's not all about just

talk game and even then I I'll have this

debate too like even the guys who don't

work on themselves but they have the

highest degree of confidence and social

skills and Charisma I believe those guys

just get friend onone they're able to

like meet a lot of girls but on the back

end it doesn't lead anywhere except for

an Instagram follower or like being able

to they get it you know they friends

they get invited out to stuff or

whatever or what happens is it takes

them 6 months to build attraction time

yeah exactly time and mere exposure

effect familiarity princip exactly it

take a while exactly right so um with

that being said it since it forces you

to work on yourself you know it really

forces you to just improve which is a

positive aspect overall you know making

yourself more attractive um increasing

your sex appeal even when it comes to

communication that's an aspect of it too

right so

if for example if I started if I was

getting girls like like high quality

attractive women before I self improve I

wouldn't have had the motivation to like

really work on my physique work on my

like hairstyle work on my image my looks

things like that so so one thing we

talked about already too is whatever

starts working for somebody that's what

they think the king is right so for

example take a guy who was broke he

moved to Miami made money started

tricking on girls well that's it I just

needed money the whole time like that's

his mating strategy I never got girls I

got money then I got girls in actuality

that's just that's that's just what

worked for him meanwhile there's a a

bartender who makes 40K a year getting

way more ass and not spending any money

yeah so it's like everyone has their

strategy that think is that thinks that

works the best cuz that's what worked

for them from the start yeah and the

strategy usually Falls in line with the

attraction trigger in terms of uh what

women find about them so going back to a

guy sexual market value looks money

status money muscles game um we can add

Charisma and confidence in there too

abolutely so a guy who improves his

looks and starts attracting wom based on

his looks oh looks is King guy who makes

for money oh money is a guy who gets

famous oh yeah just just become rich and

famous

exactly so or the guy who gets uh really

good social skills and builds a social

group in the city oh Social Circle game

bro so like anything can work but it's

based on the attraction trigger that you

can leverage once again going based on

the things that you want to put effort

into and the things that fall more in

line towards your personality and

environment right so but I believe once

again going back to the Gen genuine

desire principle is nothing like when a

woman views you as like a A+ from a

physical standpoint bro absolutely and

one thing to add to Austin's point is a

lot of guys don't really want to

self-improve so they're only going to

attract girls that are like just average

like when I go W I at least get one girl

to walk up to me but again I'm like

you're cute I'll give you a conversation

cuz I'm I I I admire your confidence I

know I took a lot of work I'm going to

give you a conversation follow you on IG

if you make me and then follow you later

yeah got you now move on to my uh my

third Pro which is it helps you get over

the fear of rejection so I'm not going

to lie whenever I approach a girl is

there nerves possible rejection

absolutely I just do it anyway because

for a lot of people rejection is King I

should start a business rejection I

should go approach that girl rejection I

should go maybe a try a different job

what if I don't to get accepted

rejection is King in their life they

never do anything because of that what

if now my mindset is I much rather get

rejected than go home and go what if

I'll be honest last night he was there

we on the couch two beautiful Latino

girls you know what I much rather go up

to him say say something and get

rejected then go and have them just walk

right out and go damn bro you're you're

a [ __ ] for that so for me I work with

people I say bro you're your fear of

missing out has to be greater than fear

of rejection which I've gotten a lot

better at yeah um regret is almost in

every case um higher than uh the fear of

rejection and most guys will experience

that multiple times like in the moment

for example they have high anxiety they

don't appr personally grow but they home

thinking about it thinking about it like

what if what what if I should have

exactly and oddly enough the my first

ever long-term girlfriend of two and a

half years when I was 18 I met off a

quote Approach at a party what the wait

what yeah oh dude what oh damn I didn't

know that okay all right yeah okay so

quick story yeah Quick St side know I

would see her around campus and I

remember I was already talking to this

one girl who I I met through our College

Facebook group I would go through

finally CUO send them messages nice and

I end up meeting this one girl we

connected H it off lightskin cute girl

and um but we were in the washroom and I

remember seeing this this Filipino chick

long slick straight back hair looked

like Pocahontas in the face but I was

with the other girl I was like oh my God

she looks good and then I was constantly

see her then probably 8 months later we

were at a party months damn we were at a

party um and I remember seeing her kind

of like on her phone by herself like oh

[ __ ] that's that girl and I was

literally in my head for about 5 minutes

almost H in approach her bro and I end

up walking up to her I was like has

anybody ever told you you look like

Pocahontas and you're like get that L

blah blah and we started talking and

then a few months later that led into a

relationship bro so that that is true

like after having that experience and

this is before I got into game of course

18 old dawstin wasn't end this year yeah

like I definitely understand how regret

is a lot worse than rejection and in a

lot of cases if you knew that you were

not going to get rejected like let's say

you had oh damn yeah exactly you're

delusional in your brain like this will

never happen to me no like on like not

even from that perspective let's say you

can like read into the future and you

can like already know how the

interaction is going to go and you knew

you weren't going to get rejected I

promise you you approach it a lot more

women so all approach anxiety or in not

approaching women really does come down

to the fear of rejection or U not

wanting to waste time through rejection

and that's kind of on me for my dating

strategy too is not the fact that I'm

afraid of rejection it's the fact he'll

talk he'll do I've seen it he'll talk

yeah it's the fact that I understand

that I possibly could get rejected and

do I want to potentially waste that time

when I could be dealing with the woman

who I already know is not going to

reject me so it's kind of a double- Ed

sword right there so do you want to give

another Pro or want to go to your cons

cons yeah okay I got cons too now yeah

all right so the cons for me is kind of

going into the same U field is that you

kind of leave things up to chance and

and for that reason you might not

necessarily get the things you exactly

exactly want but at the same time this

is where there's like a gray area yeah

there is like um I don't necessarily

only always wait for choosing signals or

only always wait for a woman to mess

with me first for the girls who just do

it for me and I know when a girl does it

for me exactly like it's a particular

type it's a particular look like that's

when I would not leave that up to chance

and I'll take the the risk but there if

there's anything in between that to you

know then it's like h i I personally

just don't have the desire or motivation

maybe because I've been with a lot of

girls like if I've only been with like

two girls in my life and I was hungry

and new to this offense a lot it would

be different right but I'm I'm at a

different sort of stage and phase of my

life so that's a definitely a downside

to mine is that you kind of leave things

um up to chance and for that reason you

might not get exactly what you're

looking for and I think that's a fair

thing to say too because um I'm not sure

how much I can say but this is not that

bad you said Austin that you've been at

the gym a girl won't look at you won't

walk by you like you don't exist all of

a sudden she's lacking you first and

messes you first on a dating app like

girl like we've been in the same space

over and over and over again and now

we're on a dating app you're showing

High interest but like IM M but again

like like you said what if you were just

to approach her why would have went fine

it would have went fine yeah and that's

where sometimes I I get in my head too

cuz it's almost like um you know I've

been in multiple instances is as Chad

said where I've been in in real life

scenarios with girls who I end up later

hooking up with or having like some sort

of relationship with but like that

connection was never made cuz I didn't

approach her and she didn't make any

chooses signals towards me so how would

I ever know I would have to take that

risk for chance but I just didn't so I

left it up the chance and chance still

fell back to me still fell still fell

back in my way but um but you know I

could have cut that time frame in half

you know absolutely so I guess a for me

cuz there's definitely cons of this

lifestyle is number one I'll do two to

speed this up we're already yapping

think it's like 20 something minutes

already burnout burnout and money time

I'll kind of bundle that so first things

burnout okay for me I'm I have a very

resilient mindset on everything I can

post a 100 videos they could all flop

guess what next day I'm posting some

more I'm just very resilient to where

it's like I don't care as long as I show

up and do the work the result is coming

that's my mindset but for some guys

let's say they go on four dates in one

month so one per week they do the right

thing they bring flowers they do the

nice dinner they pull the chair oh it's

so nice seeing you I'll see you again

next day nothing they're like what the

and then say that happens four times in

a row without changing any strategies

it's the same thing they'll get burned

out with so first their mindset is

burned out like is this even worth it is

dating for me then the the money burn

out like dude I'm 500 in the hole with

these four dates and it came nothing

like not a kiss not a l nothing and then

you throw in time cuz some guys believe

the way to keep a girl interested is by

giving her more time makes sense right

makes sense right I have to text you

good morning text you throughout the day

text you at night cuz I want I want to

show you I'm interested so I guess the

burnout of time money and your mindset

can really hurt from um pursuing women

oppos to just waiting for women to

choose you yeah and burnout overall will

lead to resentment yeah yeah that's

that's that's that's a fact yeah

resentment towards women towards dating

as a whole towards it's definitely that

sort of dating strategy and um you know

leading to another con about that D

strategy is that you kind of a lot of

cases deal with women who have interest

but just not high interest like there

some they're intrigued they're

interested maybe if the experience is

right if he takes me out on enough dates

if he uh wears the right outfit like you

never know the variable right and so for

that reason like you're kind of it's

it's more so Less in your control like

the reason why you know choose the

signals or whatever is that I'm

pre-qualifying their High interest in me

I'm not trying to see if they have high

interest I already know based on how

they're acting towards me but if you're

like chasing or approaching or going

after it you could be dealing with a

woman who sort of kind of likes you who

is a little intrigued by you but it's up

to you to like fully increase that

attraction you know you can increase

attraction through time through giving

her experiences through like even even

tricking some guys do you know and I

never want to position myself in a

outside of where I'm having to raise

attraction I still raise attraction on

high interest cuz believe it or not high

interest could get even to like higher

interest to where they're like obsessed

with you right but but that gap between

taking a low interest woman to like high

interest could be like five six dates

$500 and even then a lot of the time it

might it might get right here before it

Fizzles out so so I I'll say this what

helps me counteract that is volume

abundance abundance right so for example

like when I paid for hinge right now

that's a whole side note but when I paid

for hinge three to five matches per day

so it got to a point where it's like

okay if this date doesn't go exactly on

to go next there wasn't no further

investment no further explanation just

next thing them but again if you're a

guy and you're not quite in that

position you're going to have to have

higher standards because I don't want

girls like Austin said they show up on

dates don't show up they'll be be look

nice for you they'll smile they'll be

fun to be around oh it's back to my

place I don't really do that type of

stuff you know or like let's say you do

three dates at a nice venue you spent

$400 hey let's cook dinner tonight o I

don't really like cooking dinner could

we go back out like you're like girl

what the hell right now mind you I don't

deal with that cuz I'm sees it in the

game but a guy out there is like yeah

she's showing up yeah she's not doing

bedroom stuff but she's showing up that

was Austin's point of like she's kind of

interested or there's a guy she really

likes and just uses you in the middle

you know what I mean you know that's

that's that's super shitty as well

exactly um uh what's another uh con if

you have another one uh

if not have another con okay I've

realized this with myself I think Austin

brought up earlier the con of my dating

strategy as well it can make you a bit

more antsy and I'll

explain the thing with the thing with me

is if we're going to go to a pop inside

of town where there's a bunch of people

I'm sorry sitting around just just hey

she's bad yeah the song is good yeah bro

just just doing that for 2 3 hours is

boring

I want action if I want to sit around

and go yeah bro yeah bro we can sit on

this couch you know what I mean all

these girls rock around pushup bras and

bbls and look good as hell I'm trying to

I'm trying to have this life be

interesting let's be real women make

life interesting you know if you go work

five days a week no dates on the

weekends or just work and Netflix life

is kind of boring women had a nice spice

to your life so what with my dating

strategy is since I go after the baddest

one I can see or find it makes you more

antsy versus here's the thing though if

I had 20 girls a day dming me I'd go out

to a venue and just be like

this I don't care like there's oh

another one like I don't care yeah

because there's so much so many so much

inbound attention towards me like if I

if I had a like a what I call a male

gaze Tik Tok account where I'm cleaning

my place in a tank top and I'm cutting

up steak my no veins are popping out oh

i' be inbounding leads all day right

which would make me like why potentially

get rejected or why even give my energy

to a girl who may not like me when I

have a phone full of girls who do were

hitting me up here's the thing it's just

not general advice cuz most guys aren't

content creators most guys have a photos

their Instagram looks like this 2018

photo 2020 photo so it's like most guys

aren't optimized for this inbound

lifestyle to where I teach guys look

your average everywhere Instagram picks

looks physique yes you can go and try

running Austin's game it may take you

two three years of self-improving to get

there but when you get there it's sweet

it really is sweet cuz I've seen it we

walk the streets you're handsome we're

at the gas station wow bro you you're

nice muscles like I've seen it so I know

I know that that what can happen if you

get to his level but I've only seen it

once I've only seen it once I mean going

back to your point about being antie

when when you go out that's why in my

opinion you have to have a purpose or

Reason of going out if your goal is to

go out to meet women then you have to go

with that objective and maybe tell

yourself I'm going to approach 10 two to

five girls tonight or get 10 approaches

tonight right you can't just go out just

to go out you know what does that mean

go out just to go out like oh I I get

what you're saying so for example we

went out I'm like okay if I get one to

two off purchase off that's great that's

like again I'm just here having a good

time one to two is usually my goto I

don't I don't usually do four five six

unless my homie is on the same time

because if he approaches four I got to

approach five to one up yeah but if I'm

with a guy it's like hey you know I'm

cool just you know we'll we'll wait for

girls to come to us I adapt that mindset

for the most part and only do like one

or two approaches oh okay that's fine

yeah yeah mhm yeah but uh yeah man uh so

I guess any uh closing opinions or um

closing things to talk about yeah so

closing thing for me is that you got to

understand that dating is a numbers game

so obviously if we put this into analogy

of basketball right yeah my dating

strategy allows me to optimize for a

layup it's more likely to go in or to

the least a free throw and if you

practice free throws you can get like a

what 80 90% yeah free throw percentage

but you know you're still going to get

more results if you shoot a th000 full

court shots versus going for 10 10 to 50

layups right like from a numbers

percentage you're still going to get

more results doing the harder thing and

so my day strategy isn't necessarily

optimized get to get the most amount of

women is what I'm trying to say is

optimized for you to work on other areas

of your life improve yourself and then

Woman as a a side benefit or a byproduct

of your self-improvement whereas Chaz

more so is optimized to like fully max

out the numbers game and go after with

what you want and depending on where

you're at in your life that may be a

better strategy for you like some of you

guys might start off with that strategy

and then come over to M or some of you

guys might might be OB you start off

with mine but you realize you want

hotter uh women in more of an abundance

and you want you know four or five dates

a week then you're going to put more

effort into shooting your shot

everywhere you go right so it kind of

depends on where your mindset is at your

age your experience level what you

really want but just know that M isn't

necessarily optimized to get the most

amount of women and have like extreme

abundance you know got you my closing

thing is

this Albert like I said in the very

beginning Austin self-improvement

Journey has been long okay so if right

now you're struggling you're not sure

where to go if you're willing to get

down to 10 sometimes even 9% body fat

constantly changing your look and

testing which one which look is the best

grow hair out grow hair short waves what

whatever it is

and you're willing to you know

constantly be shopping for new fits and

new new style see what's best for you

you're taking pictures um good ones for

Instagram and hinge so you can always

attract know hot women that's it's going

to it probably will work for you it

probably will but most guys already

think taking a photo in public is cringe

so they're not going to put in like this

much effort so me and Austin took a

dating approach like okay if I give

effort either to the dating game or

yourself or both hopefully you'll get a

better result so for me my result is

okay the masses most people are average

so I'm going to give you the dating

strateg that what best for that if

everyone is walking around with a full

headful of hair at 9% body fat no bro

let the host choose you what the hell

but since most guys are just average all

around as in looks physique

income like everything's average you're

better off in my personal opinion

shooting shots opposed to waiting to see

who comes up to you yeah yeah you're

definitely better off in terms of

shooting your shot I definitely agree

but once again I still have the debate

where they can shoot their shot but the

results are still going to be setar for

them until they self-improve you know

you approach a 100 women and and three

turn out to dates and then two show up

and one goes to a second date

and she flakes on the next one maybe

that's a pessimistic mindset though you

know you go you got to go out there and

test for yourself like there's so many

variables at play like a lot of the

stuff we talk about too is from our own

experience but a a lot of theories uh

play into this too based on our own

experience and what we' seen and the

guys we help so at the end of the day

you got to experiment and see what works

best for you and once again it falls in

line with your environment your

personality and what you want to

accomplish but yeah man I appreciate you

guys watching this video Austin let

people know where they can find you yeah

you can find me YouTube Instagram Austin

Dunham Instagram is based Austin Dam um

check out the content talk a lot about

social media strategies presentation

online dating and um making the ability

to attract higher interest women easier

for you so check me out guys have a good

one peace peace