Being Social Is a Skill

Summary

The video script emphasizes the importance of social skills, which are often overlooked as a skill that requires practice. It argues that our increasing engagement with virtual worlds is degrading these skills. The key to improvement is a strong desire to learn and develop them. The speaker suggests that instead of being self-absorbed, one should find pleasure in understanding others' experiences and stories. By focusing on others, we can enhance our social interactions, leading to better relationships and personal growth. The speaker encourages viewers to actively engage with people around them, to listen more attentively, and to be genuinely interested in others' lives as a path to social success.

Takeaways

• 😌 Social skills are crucial for interactions that affect our emotions, well-being, and health.
• 🤔 Social skills are often overlooked as a skill that needs development, unlike playing an instrument or a sport.
• 📱 The virtual world we live in is degrading our social skills since they require real-life interactions.
• 🏀 To improve, actively engage in social activities rather than passively consuming content about them.
• 💡 Recognize social skills as a skill set that can significantly enhance your personal and professional life.
• 🔄 Shift your focus from self-absorption to being genuinely interested in others' lives and experiences.
• 🧠 Understand that being absorbed in one's own thoughts can be repetitive and less pleasurable compared to engaging with others.
• 🌟 When interacting, aim to be fully present and attentive, rather than being distracted by your phone or personal issues.
• 🗣️ Practice active listening and show genuine curiosity about the people you meet to enhance your social interactions.
• 💖 People are drawn to those who show interest in them, which can lead to more enriching and successful social experiences.

Q & A

Why are social skills considered important according to the transcript?

Social skills are considered important because they significantly impact one's emotions, well-being, and health, which are all crucial aspects of life that involve interactions with people.

How does the speaker suggest that people generally perceive social skills?

The speaker suggests that people often do not view social skills as something that needs to be developed or practiced, similar to learning an instrument or a sport, but rather as an innate quality.

What impact does the virtual realm have on social skills according to the transcript?

The transcript implies that spending too much time in the virtual realm can degrade social skills, as these skills depend on real-life interactions with people.

What is the one step the speaker recommends to immediately improve one's social skills?

The speaker recommends increasing one's level of desire to improve social skills, which involves being genuinely interested in others and their experiences.

Why does the speaker say that being self-absorbed is detrimental to social skills?

Being self-absorbed is detrimental because it leads to not paying full attention to others during interactions, which is a key component of effective social skills.

What does the speaker mean by 'pain is being self-absorbed, pleasure is other people'?

The speaker means that focusing on oneself and one's own thoughts can be repetitive and boring, while engaging with others and their stories can be pleasurable and enriching.

How does the speaker suggest one should approach interactions in a cafe or bar to improve social skills?

The speaker suggests that one should be fully present and interested in the person they are interacting with, rather than being distracted by their phone or personal thoughts.

What is the key to unlocking a higher level of social skills according to the transcript?

The key to unlocking a higher level of social skills is finding other people more interesting than oneself, which can be achieved by focusing on their stories and experiences.

Why does the speaker compare people to a movie?

The speaker compares people to a movie to emphasize that each person has unique fantasies, dreams, and experiences that can be fascinating and different from one's own.

What is the outcome of being genuinely interested in others, as suggested by the speaker?

By being genuinely interested in others, one can expect to be charmed by them, have a powerful seductive impact, learn incredible things about people, and develop strong social skills.

How does the speaker view the relationship between self-absorption and social success?

The speaker views self-absorption as a great impediment to social success, suggesting that reducing self-focus and increasing interest in others can lead to better social interactions and success.

Outlines

00:00

🤝 The Importance of Developing Social Skills

This paragraph emphasizes the significance of social skills and how they impact various aspects of life, including emotions, well-being, and health. It challenges the common misconception that social interaction is not a skill that needs development. The speaker suggests that spending time in virtual realms has led to a degradation of these skills, which are essential for personal and professional life. The key to improving social skills is to increase one's level of desire to engage with others, which involves being more present and attentive during interactions. The speaker advises against being self-absorbed and instead encourages focusing on the experiences and stories of others, which can lead to more meaningful connections and personal growth.

05:00

🌟 Overcoming Self-Absorption for Social Success

The second paragraph delves into the concept of self-absorption and how it hinders the development of social skills. It suggests that people are naturally drawn to their own thoughts and experiences, which can be repetitive and limiting. The speaker encourages shifting focus from oneself to others, as engaging with different perspectives and stories can be more rewarding and enriching. By taking an interest in others, one can enhance their social interactions, leading to a more fulfilling social life. The speaker also highlights the transformative effect of this approach, where individuals become more charming and capable of building strong connections with others. The ultimate goal is to find other people's lives more interesting than one's own, which is key to unlocking higher levels of social skills.

Keywords

💡Social Skills

Social skills refer to the ability to interact effectively and harmoniously with others. In the video, it is emphasized that social skills are crucial for emotional well-being, health, and personal relationships. The speaker argues that these skills are often overlooked as something that needs to be developed and practiced, similar to learning a musical instrument or a sport.

💡Desire

Desire, in the context of the video, is the motivation and eagerness to improve one's social skills. The speaker suggests that having a strong desire to enhance social interactions is a key step towards immediate improvement. It is the driving force that can lead to more meaningful and enriching relationships.

💡Interactions

Interactions are the social exchanges between individuals. The video highlights that 95% of life involves interactions, which significantly impact one's emotions and well-being. The quality of these interactions is directly related to the level of social skills one possesses.

💡Virtual Realm

The virtual realm refers to the digital or online world where people increasingly spend their time. The speaker points out that spending too much time in this virtual space can degrade social skills, as they are best developed through face-to-face interactions with others.

💡Self-Absorption

Self-absorption is the excessive focus on one's own thoughts, problems, and experiences. The video argues that being self-absorbed is a barrier to developing social skills. It prevents individuals from being fully present and engaged in conversations with others, which is essential for meaningful social interactions.

💡Pleasure and Pain

Pleasure and pain are used in the video to describe the emotional states that drive human behavior. The speaker suggests that people naturally seek pleasure and avoid pain. In the context of social skills, focusing on oneself is associated with pain, while engaging with others and their stories is seen as pleasurable.

💡Listening

Listening in the video is portrayed as an active and engaged process, rather than a passive one. The speaker encourages listeners to go beyond merely hearing words and to truly focus on understanding the other person's perspective and experiences, which is a critical aspect of social skills.

💡Charm

Charm, as mentioned in the video, is the ability to attract and influence others in a pleasant or appealing way. The speaker suggests that by being genuinely interested in others, one can become charming, which can lead to more positive social interactions and success.

💡Seductive Impact

Seductive impact refers to the powerful and appealing influence one can have on others. In the video, it is used to describe the positive effect that comes from being interested in others and their stories, which can make others feel valued and drawn to the individual.

💡Enriching Relationships

Enriching relationships are those that add value to one's life, providing emotional support, understanding, and growth. The video suggests that developing social skills can lead to such relationships, which are free from unnecessary conflicts and are based on meaningful connections.

💡Drama and Antagonism

Drama and antagonism refer to conflicts and oppositions that can arise in social situations. The speaker mentions that with improved social skills, one can avoid bringing such drama from the work world into personal life, leading to a more harmonious and peaceful existence.

Highlights

The importance of recognizing social skills as a learnable skill rather than a natural trait.

95% of life involves interactions with people, impacting emotions, well-being, and health.

Social skills are often overlooked as something that needs practice and development.

The degradation of social skills due to increased time spent in virtual realms.

The analogy of improving basketball skills by practicing, not just watching videos.

The necessity to physically interact with others to develop social skills.

How being self-absorbed can hinder the development of social skills.

The idea that focusing on oneself is repetitive and focusing on others is enriching.

The concept of reversing the focus from self to others to improve social interactions.

The advice to actively listen and engage with people in everyday situations.

The transformative effect of genuinely being interested in others' lives and stories.

How social skills can lead to more enriching personal and professional relationships.

The suggestion to see people as unique stories, like movies, to enhance interest in them.

The impact of being interested in others on the charm and appeal in social settings.

The practical advice of imagining others' experiences to deepen social connections.

The key to unlocking higher social skills is finding others more interesting than oneself.

The final call to action for individuals to prioritize the development of social skills.

Transcripts

the main thing about developing this

skill though is very very

simple there's one step that you can do

that will immediately improve your

ability and that is your level of

Desire how do I improve my social skills

but first of all you have to realize the

importance of social skills 95% of your

life in involves interactions with

people that have a

tremendous impact on your emotions on

your well-being on your health right and

the thing is we don't think of being in

the world and being social and

interacting with people as a skill

unfortunately we think of it even if you

bring up this question you're probably

not taking it very seriously you think

of I'm just naturally it's something I

don't have to practice this I don't have

to learn anything about it I just go out

in the world and I interact and I do the

best that I can it's not like a skill

like learning a piano or playing chess

or shooting free throws or something

like that it's just being a human being

well no it is a skill it is something

you need to develop and where we spend

so much of our Lives now in a virtual

realm it's a skill that is being

degraded because it is a skill that

depends on spending time interacting

with people so if you wanted to be a

really good basketball player you

wouldn't sit there on your phone

watching YouTube videos of the late Kobe

Bryant doing all the stuff because it

wouldn't lead to anything get out of

your goddamn house and shoot hoops day

and night spending all your time on the

stupid phone isn't going to develop

social skills you have to go out to bars

if you want to meet a man or a woman you

have to go mingled you have to go out

and interact with people more and more

and more get out of the virtuality so

the most important thing is to realize

it is a skill and is a skill that will

make your life so much easier because in

your personal life you'll be able to

have a relationship that will be

enriching that won't be full of all this

arguing Etc you'll know how to choose

the right partner and you will know how

to interact with them on a meaningful

level B in your work world you will be

having all these clashes and antagonisms

taking it home with you and going God

why that person say that Etc ET C you be

able to let go of all the drama and

release it it'll free your mind up so

you want that skill the main thing about

developing this skill though is very

very

simple there's one step that you can do

that will immediately improve your

ability and that is your level of

desire and what I mean by that is the

following when you're interacting with

someone in a cafe a bar or at work or in

in your home you're normally half

listening a third listening even a

quarter l or less you're looking at your

phone you're thinking about your own

problems you're thinking about things in

the past or something they say triggers

the thought and you're thinking about

something that happened to you you you

you you you why the reason is you're

more interested in yourself than you are

in other people people you're more

interested in your own problems in your

own ideas in your own experiences than

those of others it's an important axume

to understand with humans is that we're

drawn to things that are pleasurable and

we get away from things that are painful

so if we think of ourselves and our our

own ego and our own experiences as fun

as pleasurable because we're a

narcissist and we all are narcissist

then you're never ever going to be

paying attention to other people what I

want you to think of is to reverse that

into go being absorbed in your own

thoughts your own experiences and your

own ideas is actually very boring and

very repetitive and very painful it's

the same thing day after day after day

the same problems the same compulsions

the same worries the same anxieties I

say to people would you like to travel

to a foreign country in which everything

looks like the neighborhood that you

live in no you want to get get out of

yourself so pain is being self-absorbed

pleasure is other people their stories

their experiences their lives so if

tomorrow you go to the supermarket and

you're you're at the meat counter you

know something i' I've thought about and

I've done instead of thinking about my

own life and absorb my I'm going to

focus on the person serving me and I'm

going to try and think of what their

life is like and what their story might

be

what their family might be where they

might have come from and I might even

talk to them a little bit about this

because I'm interested in it people are

weird they're like a movie they have

fantasies they have dreams they have

experiences that are not like yours if

you are interested in them the whole

game will change you will find yourself

wanting more of these

interactions when you meet somebody at a

cafe you won't be in your phone won't be

wasting your time like that you won't be

thinking about your own problems you be

going I want to know what this person

their story is like I want to know what

their childhood was like I want to know

what it is to be them I want to know

what it feels like to be them if you

become that person that is interested in

others that talks to them in that way

that

goes with the thought what is it like to

be you people will be Charmed by you

they will love it they'll have a very

powerful seductive impact B it will

teach you incredible things things about

people and see it will develop this

muscle and this skill in you which

you'll be able to practice it all of the

time and you will have tremendous social

success so it's your self-absorption

that is the great impediment to your

level of social skills I could talk

until my my face turns blue about the

importance of not being so self-absorbed

the key is to find other people more

interesting than yourself however you

can do that that will unlock the secret

to having higher level of social skill