HOW to DETACH. Detachment IS the game changer

Summary

This video script advocates for a life of detachment and neutrality, drawing on the Taoist farmer story to illustrate the unpredictability of life's outcomes. It encourages viewers to adopt a 'maybe' mindset, refraining from labeling situations as good or bad prematurely. The speaker introduces the 'this or better' perspective, suggesting that every situation is an opportunity for growth or getting what you want. The script emphasizes emotional detachment in relationships, advocating for self-love and independence. It concludes with a call to action for self-control, focusing on personal happiness, and letting go of the need to control external circumstances.

Takeaways

• 😀 Detachment is about not being controlled by possessions or outcomes, rather than not owning anything.
• 🌟 The 'maybe' mindset encourages neutrality towards outcomes, reminding us that situations are not inherently good or bad until we perceive them as such.
• 📚 The Taoist farmer story illustrates the unpredictability of life's events and the importance of maintaining a neutral stance towards them.
• 💡 Practicing the 'this or better' mindset helps in accepting outcomes with the understanding that they might lead to improved circumstances.
• 🔑 Emotional detachment is crucial for personal growth and involves feeling emotions without letting them define your identity or actions.
• 🏡 Building a strong sense of self and a 'home' within yourself is essential for emotional detachment and personal happiness.
• 💪 Self-love and self-reliance are key to not relying on others for happiness and maintaining your emotional independence.
• 🚫 Avoiding overthinking and rumination is a practice that can lead to a more peaceful and controlled state of mind.
• 🌱 Cultivating self-control allows you to manage your emotions and reactions, leading to a more fulfilling and less stressful life.
• ⏏️ Letting go of attachment to outcomes and people empowers you to navigate life's challenges with grace and resilience.

Q & A

What is the main message of the video about detachment?

The main message is that detachment doesn't mean you don't own anything; it means nothing owns you. It's about not being a victim and learning to approach life with a neutral mindset, perceiving all outcomes as opportunities rather than strictly good or bad.

What is the 'maybe' mindset and how does it relate to the Taoist farmer story?

The 'maybe' mindset is about not attaching to an immediate outcome, whether good or bad, and instead maintaining neutrality. It relates to the Taoist farmer story by illustrating that every event, regardless of initial perception, could lead to an unforeseen and potentially positive outcome.

How does the speaker suggest practicing the 'maybe' mindset in daily life?

The speaker suggests practicing the 'maybe' mindset by responding with 'maybe' when faced with unfavorable situations, reminding oneself to wait and see how things unfold before labeling them as good or bad.

What is the second mindset the speaker introduces and why is it important?

The second mindset introduced is 'this or better.' It's important because it helps individuals to detach from the need for specific outcomes, focusing instead on the idea that they will either get what they want or they will grow and improve from the experience.

How does emotional detachment play a role in the speaker's philosophy on dating and relationships?

Emotional detachment is crucial in the speaker's philosophy as it allows individuals to love and connect with others without becoming dependent on them for happiness. It encourages maintaining one's own identity and not letting external factors dictate personal well-being.

What does the speaker mean by 'building a home within yourself'?

The speaker means that one should develop a strong sense of self-love and self-reliance, creating an inner sanctuary where they find comfort and security, regardless of external circumstances or relationships.

Why is it important not to think too much according to the speaker?

According to the speaker, overthinking leads to rumination and anticipatory anxiety, which can be detrimental to one's mental health and happiness. It's important to practice self-control and focus on the present moment.

What is the significance of the lighthouse analogy used by the speaker?

The lighthouse analogy signifies the importance of staying grounded and solid in one's identity, shining a light on the path while remaining unaffected by the changes and movements around it, symbolizing self-reliance and emotional stability.

How does the speaker suggest handling situations where someone's actions don't align with your expectations?

The speaker advises not to fight for justice or try to change the other person's mind but to accept the situation, let go, and move on, focusing on personal growth and well-being.

What is the core idea behind the speaker's advice on not being attached to outcomes?

The core idea is that attachment to outcomes can lead to suffering and a loss of personal power. By not being attached, one maintains control over their emotions and reactions, allowing for a more peaceful and empowered life experience.

Outlines

00:00

🌟 Embracing Detachment for Personal Growth

The paragraph introduces the concept of detachment, emphasizing that it's not about owning nothing but rather not being owned by anything. It sets the stage for a journey from attachment to detachment, leading to an 'unbothered girl era.' A Taoist story about a farmer illustrates the idea of neutrality towards life's outcomes, suggesting that every situation, regardless of its apparent negativity, may have a silver lining. The storyteller encourages developing a 'maybe' mindset, which involves not hastily labeling events as good or bad, but instead remaining open to the unfolding of events. This approach is meant to reduce the power that external events have over one's emotional state.

05:01

🌱 Cultivating a 'This or Better' Mindset

This section delves into the 'this or better' mindset, advocating for not fixating on specific outcomes but instead being open to either getting what one wants or emerging better off from the experience. The speaker shares personal anecdotes to illustrate how initially perceived negative events led to significant personal growth. The paragraph underscores the importance of not becoming emotionally attached to outcomes in dating and relationships, promoting self-sufficiency and independence in happiness. It also touches on the idea of self-love and building a strong internal home, suggesting that one should be their own best friend and source of support.

10:02

💪 Mastering Emotional Detachment and Self-Control

The focus here is on emotional detachment, defined as feeling emotions without being consumed by them. The speaker stresses the importance of not allowing suffering to define one's identity and avoiding victimhood. The narrative encourages loving others from a place of independence and self-assuredness rather than dependence or obsession. It also addresses the need to stop overthinking and ruminating on things beyond one's control, advocating for self-control as a means to manage emotions and maintain a positive state of being. The speaker shares personal strategies for fostering self-control and not allowing external factors to dictate one's happiness.

15:04

🔄 Letting Go and Welcoming Contrasts in Life

The final paragraph reinforces the idea of letting go of attachments and expectations, accepting life's contrasts as natural. It discusses the futility of suffering in the belief that it yields power to change outcomes. The speaker encourages viewers to choose positivity and take charge of their emotional state, regardless of external circumstances. The message is to live life with an open mind, embracing the 'maybe' and 'this or better' mindsets, and to not let past experiences or future uncertainties hinder one's present joy. The paragraph concludes with a call to action for viewers to subscribe and engage with the content, promising more insights in upcoming videos.

Keywords

💡Detachment

Detachment in the context of the video refers to the ability to not be emotionally owned by external events or possessions. It's about maintaining a neutral stance towards life's outcomes, which is a core theme of the video. The speaker uses the Taoist farmer story to illustrate this concept, showing that outcomes we initially perceive as bad might lead to unforeseen positive consequences, hence we should not be overly attached to immediate reactions or judgments.

💡Unbothered girl era

The 'unbothered girl era' is a state of mind where a person, particularly a woman, is not troubled or stressed by external factors. It's about achieving emotional stability and self-reliance. The video aims to guide viewers on how to transition into this state by practicing certain mindsets and behaviors, such as not being overly attached to outcomes or people.

💡Taoism

Taoism is a philosophical and religious tradition that emphasizes living in harmony with the Tao, which can be understood as the natural order of the universe. In the video, Taoism is mentioned to highlight the concept of neutrality towards life's events, as exemplified by the Taoist farmer's story. This aligns with the video's message of not attaching to outcomes and maintaining a balanced perspective.

💡Maybe mindset

The 'maybe mindset' is a perspective where one does not jump to conclusions about the nature of an event, good or bad, but instead maintains an open view that the outcome is uncertain and could change. This mindset is central to the video's message of emotional detachment and is used to encourage viewers to not be controlled by immediate reactions to situations.

💡This or better

The 'this or better' mindset is about expecting positive outcomes or personal growth regardless of the situation. It's a way of thinking that focuses on the potential for improvement or the attainment of desired goals. The video uses this concept to encourage viewers to not be limited by negative perceptions or setbacks, but to see them as opportunities for growth or the attainment of something better.

💡Emotional Detachment

Emotional detachment, as discussed in the video, is the practice of experiencing emotions without being consumed by them. It's about maintaining a sense of self that is not defined by external circumstances or relationships. The video emphasizes the importance of this detachment in dating and life to avoid becoming overly dependent on others for happiness.

💡Victimhood

Victimhood is a state of being defined by past experiences or circumstances, often in a negative way. The video discourages viewers from adopting a victim mentality, which can lead to a lack of personal power and growth. Instead, it encourages taking responsibility for one's emotions and reactions, which is key to the 'unbothered girl era'.

💡Self-love

Self-love in the video is about building a strong, positive relationship with oneself. It's about creating a 'home' within oneself that provides constant support and love, regardless of external circumstances. The video suggests that this self-love is foundational to achieving emotional detachment and not being overly reliant on others for validation or happiness.

💡Anticipatory anxiety

Anticipatory anxiety is a type of anxiety that involves worrying about future events or outcomes. The video discusses how this can be detrimental to one's well-being and how practicing the 'maybe mindset' can help mitigate it. By not attaching to future possibilities, one can reduce the stress and emotional turmoil associated with anticipatory anxiety.

💡Rumination

Rumination is the act of repeatedly dwelling on negative thoughts or experiences. The video advises against rumination as it can lead to increased stress and a negative outlook on life. Instead, the speaker encourages focusing on the present and practicing self-control to prevent the mind from spiraling into unproductive thought patterns.

Highlights

Detachment is about not being controlled by external things, not about owning nothing.

The Taoist farmer story illustrates the importance of neutrality towards life's outcomes.

The 'maybe' mindset suggests not rushing to label situations as good or bad, but waiting to see how they unfold.

Emotional Detachment is about feeling emotions without letting them define you.

The 'this or better' mindset helps in not getting attached to specific outcomes, focusing on personal growth.

Building a strong relationship with oneself is crucial for emotional Detachment.

Self-love and self-trust are foundational to not relying on others for happiness.

Emotional independence is key to a healthy approach to dating and relationships.

The importance of not overthinking and practicing self-control in managing emotions.

How to create a 'home' within oneself for inner peace and contentment.

The concept of being one's own best friend and supporter.

The idea of being a 'lighthouse' amidst life's changes, staying solid and shining.

The dangers of emotional attachment and the need to avoid becoming one's suffering.

Practicing not to think excessively about things beyond one's control.

The power of self-control in determining one's emotional state and happiness.

The fallacy of believing that suffering gives power to change outcomes.

The importance of focusing on personal growth and well-being over external validation.

Transcripts

you want to be in your 50s bitter and

angry thinking about how much more

different life could be if only that

thing didn't happen no because you're

not a victim and we don't do victims

over here Detachment in a nutshell is

that Detachment is not that you don't

own anything it's that nothing owns you

this video is going to be a complete

breakdown of how you're going to go from

attached to detach and finally enter

your unbothered girl era let's start

with a famous story about the Taoist

farmer maybe you've heard it maybe you

haven't but it's going to change your

life a long time ago a poor Chinese

farmer lost a horse and all the

neighbors came around and said well

that's too bad the farmer said maybe

shortly after the horse returned

bringing another horse with him and all

the neighbors came around and said well

that's good fortune to which the farmer

replied maybe the next day the farmer's

son was trying to tame the new horse and

fell and all the neighbors came around

and said well that's too bad and the

farmer replied maybe shortly after the

emperor declared war on a neighboring

nation and ordered all able-bodied men

to come fight many guys or were badly

injured but the farmer's son was unable

to fight and spared due to his injury

and all the neighbors came around and

said well that's good fortune to which

the farmer replied maybe and the story

goes on and on now I share that story

because that may be mindset which I'm

going to get into is exactly how you

need to approach your life and dating

see taoism is neutrality to life all

outcomes in all situations and I share

that story to remind you that more often

than not bad things often come with a

silver lining it's just how you choose

to perceive it that determines how much

power and control it has over you so

there's two mindsets that I want you to

start practicing in your daily life

because remember you can't grow into a

new version of yourself without

practicing it on a day-to-day basis when

you get faced with situations that are

unfavorable because that's life you have

to practice your new mindset otherwise

you're going to live in and from your

old mindset which clearly isn't serving

you these are the two mindsets that I

personally use when I for starting my

growth Journey that completely

transformed my life so the first one

like I just mentioned is the maybe

mindset this goes off of the Taoist

farmer story as humans it's easier for

us to attach to an outcome even if it's

a bad outcome telling ourselves it's

negative or it's bad is easier to do

than telling ourselves maybe we'll just

see what happens in the last five years

of my life I have gone through

quote-unquote extremely negative

experiences I don't see them as negative

because I practice these mindsets and

they're a part of my daily life but if I

didn't have these mindsets and I didn't

follow exactly what I'm telling you in

this video I would have crumbled there

would be no longer me vaquita here

sitting with you right now talking to

you because I would have been done

whenever something happens to you just

tell yourself maybe I don't know we'll

have to see what happens it might be

good it might be bad when we get faced

with the situation that might seem like

it's bad because that's how we're

choosing to perceive it we have to tell

ourselves maybe I don't know it seems

bad it could be that's how I'm

perceiving it right now but I don't know

how it's going to turn out so let me

wait before I label this situation as

negative because once we label something

as good or bad we attach to that label

we attach to that meaning that we've put

on it so if I say this is really bad now

I'm attached to that label of this is

really bad and now all I'm thinking

about is how bad this really is when in

reality it could be good that's why you

always have to wait until you see the

unfolding of this negative or bad

experience it could start out as

negative or bad and you could label it

that way but then it could unfold into

the best and biggest blessing of your

life and we have seen that time and time

again where somebody cheats on you or

somebody breaks up with you you think

it's the worst thing in the world and

you're never gonna heal and you're never

gonna meet anybody as special or as

amazing as that person and then what

happens that situation that you

perceived and labeled as so bad and

catastrophic ends up leading you to the

man of your dreams and you are now in

the healthiest most beautiful most

vibrant relationship of your life and

that wouldn't have happened if this

situation here did not happen and that

brings me to my mindset number two and

that is this or better there's no this

sucks this is awful this is my life

is ruined this or better I'm either

gonna get this or I'm gonna get better

and either one is pretty damn good to me

when I was applying to universities I

was dead set on one University it was

like everything that I banked on I

didn't get into that University I got

into another University that I really

didn't care to go to but I ended up

going to that University because I am

obsessed with Harry Potter and I was

like this dormitory looks like Hogwarts

so I went with that University now if I

didn't go to that University and live

with the people that I lived with and

went through the experiences that I went

through at that University and got very

humbled at that University I wouldn't be

this version of myself so in that moment

me not getting into that University was

so catastrophic and detrimental but I

was like whatever it's fine like what am

I gonna do call them and tell them to

like let me in now so I had to let it go

and then I was led into this different

path so a bad situation turned amazing

because I got to experience things that

made me the person that I am today this

or maybe mindset is more about saying

I'm either going to get what I want I

want to date this person I'm either

going to date that person or I'm going

to get better so let's not attach to the

outcome of I need this man and he's the

only one that I want blah blah blah

gotta make it happen no I'm either gonna

get him if it's meant to be it will be

or I'm gonna get better so it's a

win-win like why are we not using this

mindset more it's just such an easy

thing to implement if you practice it

daily so that is the key do not let me

down I want to touch on emotional

Detachment because emotional Detachment

is the biggest thing that you have to

master because emotional attachment is

the biggest thing that goes on in the

world everybody has an experience with

being emotionally attached to someone

something a place an outcome something

that they've conjured up in their head

and thought this has to happen and if

this doesn't happen this is going to

happen and so I don't want this to

happen so this has to happen emotional

Detachment means feeling your emotions

but not becoming them and feeling your

suffering but not becoming it so you can

feel your emotions but you can't become

them you can feel your suffering you can

sit there and be like this really sucks

right now but I don't want you to become

your suffering because the moment you

let your suffering engulf you and become

your personality you have entered into

victimhood so emotional Detachment in

dating you want to be able to love

somebody out of dependence hunger and

craving and Obsession you want to love

somebody from a pure place of I am my

own person I am standing still and solid

in this concrete version of myself you

are over there doing the same thing we

have feelings for each other we're

vibing let's come together and let's

enjoy life together but regardless of us

being together we are still our own

people and so I don't rely on you for

happiness and you shouldn't rely on me

for half happiness so many things in

life can happen so if you're dependent

on these things to bring you happiness

and to make you a human being like give

you a smile or make you feel loved or

make you feel great then you've lost

already don't want you losing I want you

winning so you have to make sure that

you become your own person on your own

and how are you going to do that there's

two ways one you're going to take

yourself out on your own you're going to

get to know yourself who are you what do

you like what do you dislike who are you

without any emotional influence who are

you you need to ask yourself that

question and you need to continue to ask

yourself that question until you can

solidly sit on your own for months you

have to create a home within yourself

that you love coming back to every day

every second you know when you can just

walk into a home maybe your childhood

home maybe your own apartment and it

just feels like the weight of the world

is off your shoulders that is how I want

you to build a relationship with

yourself that coming home to yourself is

the best part of your day that is how I

want you to start loving yourself that

when you look at yourself it's like a

breath of fresh air you know that you

have yourself you've trusting yourself

you feel so confident in yourself and

about where your life is going that when

you look at yourself it's like home that

is how I want you to look at yourself

and if you haven't already subscribe

because I'm going to be dropping so many

videos on confidence and how you're

going to be building this home within

yourself I am my safest space I am my

best friend I am my biggest supporter

because everything else has the chance

of leaving everything you are solid and

who you are right here think of yourself

as like a lighthouse you're surrounded

by flow and movement of the water and

rocks and the shore and the sand you

know blowing up but that Lighthouse is

saying so strong in concrete it's

letting life happen around it but it's

still solid it's good it knows that it

is the light so it's shining its light

on light but it's not being phased by

what's happening around it you have to

give your yourself so much love that

when you get anything less than what you

can give yourself you walk away and you

say no not good enough because if you're

coming at me with that but I'm up here

and you're coming at me with love like

here why why would I bring myself down

to that love when I'm already giving

myself so much more than you're offering

me we're not happening see ya it's not

gonna work why would you do that you

just wouldn't and you have to remember

that when you do do that stuff to

yourself when you think that you have to

have the last word and everything when

you think that you have to go on and

send these monologues and these

paragraphs to somebody you're going to

look dumb AF and do you want to look

dumbass no you don't so you gotta start

doing things that literally make you

look dumb you're making yourself look

dumb when you go crazy and nuts on the

phone because somebody didn't text you

when you feel like you have to serve

Justice and say oh my God why didn't you

text me back how could you do this we

went on a couple dates you said you

liked me but now you're not acting like

you like me what happened why did you do

that to me literally who cares I

literally do not care if somebody tells

me something and then they do the

opposite I just know that that's not my

person I just know that that's not a

friend that I want I know that that's

just not somebody I want to be around if

you go back on your word after telling

me something I don't need to go fight

Justice I just need to say all right

whatever bye like I'm over it you gotta

keep moving forward you can't attach to

that because you've sat there and said

oh my God okay he's really cute he's

just my type he has a dog he's tall oh

my God he's my guy and then now you've

taken that because now you've told

yourself a story about this person and

now when that person goes against what

you've conjured up in your head you

start going nuts reality is not lining

with your imagined idea of how things

should be or how you want things to be

there's a discrepancy so you're trying

to fill in the Gap by going nuts and

going crazy and fighting Justice for

yourself but the best Justice that you

can fight for yourself is simply walking

away in silence and telling yourself

this or better maybe maybe that happened

for a reason I don't know we'll find out

we'll see but all I gotta do is keep

going and keep focused on my lane and my

path if that's situation works out then

it works out I just don't I don't know

when maybe we'll work out in the future

maybe it won't but I will be okay

thinking is ruining your life this is

something that I have practiced for so

long that has so deeply changed my life

and that is that I don't think what do

you mean Makita you don't think I don't

have thoughts I don't sit there and

think about things I don't think about

why he didn't text me I don't think

about he texted me for three weeks

straight and then he went cold and

silent I don't think about why that

person might have said something and

maybe it kind of offended me I don't

think about things and you need to stop

thinking as well you have to just sit

there and just like not have thoughts in

your head and this is coming from

somebody who had anticipatory anxiety

and was ruminating 24 7. walking down

the street thinking if that person's

looking at me and saying oh she's so

ugly thinking why that person said

something that hurt my feelings and now

I'm feeling like are they always

thinking that about me stop the thinking

and if you haven't watched my video on

feminine energy go watch it right here

because it's also going to change your

life because you need to learn how to be

and be okay being the solution to all of

this is self-control because if you have

self-control and you can control

yourself you are controlling your

emotions you are controlling your state

of being how happy do you feel on a

day-to-day basis how much joy and love

are you bringing into your life you have

direct control over those things because

you can control yourself you can't

control other people you can't control

if Jimmy is going to text you today you

can't control if Mike is gonna give you

all the love and attention that you're

craving you can't control those people

maybe they'll give it to you maybe they

won't but you can't sit here waiting for

them to do it you have to wake up and

say I'm gonna have a good day today why

am I gonna have a good day today because

I'm gonna make it a good day I'm gonna

go get myself my favorite Starbucks

drink I'm gonna go for a walk down by

the river and just listen to the birds

chirping and just chill and be in my own

Vibe I'm going to come home I'm going to

make myself the best breakfast ever I'm

gonna sit with myself I'm gonna enjoy it

I'm gonna have a great day why because

I'm in charge I am the

commander-in-chief I am in charge of how

my day is going to go and maybe Abraham

Hicks as she always says this doesn't

mean that because I'm choosing to have a

good day contrast won't exist contrast

is always going to exist but it's how

you choose to perceive it like I said in

the beginning of the video how you

choose to perceive something is how much

power and control it has over you life

is just life there's going to be

contrast there's going to be people that

we want that don't end up wanting us

back there's going to be heartbreak

there's going to be sadness there's

going to be loss but your level of

attaching to that thing is going to

dictate how much easier you get over the

hurt how much easier you let the

situation go and how much faster you

move into your bigger blessing if you're

attached to anything you've already lost

because your attachment is controlling

you you're out you're out you have no

power left because now your power lies

in something outside of you and we all

know oh maybe you didn't know now you

know we can't control anything outside

of ourselves we physically literally

tangibly undeniably cannot control

anything else but ourselves and the more

that we try the more we go crazy it's

just an impossible task and you're

making yourself sick over trying to

control I don't know why we've

conditioned ourselves to believe that

the more we suffer the more power and

control we have over changing the

outcome think about how stupid that

sounds you believe that the more you sit

the more you get sad the more you get

depressed the more you ruminate the more

you feel like my life sucks the better

chance you have at changing it but I'm

here to tell you and this is the only

thing that you're going to need to know

suffering does not give you power so you

can either sit on the couch waste your

life waste your days and let blessings

that are meant to come into your life

pass you by or you can choose to say

this or better maybe maybe this maybe

that we will see I'm good on my own so I

don't really need that situation so if

it happens it happens if it doesn't I'm

good about it this is how you need to

live your life if you like this video

don't forget to subscribe check out all

the links in my description box and I

will see you in my next video bye