How To Master Your Emotions: A Guide to Emotional Intelligence

Summary

In this episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast, host Rob Dial explores the concept of emotional intelligence (EQ) and its significance in personal and professional success. He emphasizes the human ability to feel deeply and react to imagined scenarios, setting us apart from animals. Dial stresses the importance of developing EQ, which involves identifying, understanding, and managing one's emotions. He outlines a three-step process for enhancing EQ: self-awareness, self-regulation, and adaptability. Through practical advice like journaling and seeking feedback, Dial encourages listeners to harness their emotions positively, ultimately improving decision-making and relationships.

Takeaways

• 🧠 Emotional intelligence is a crucial aspect of being human, setting us apart from animals due to our complex emotional depth and ability to imagine scenarios that evoke emotional responses.
• 🔍 Most people lack the emotional intelligence skills because they weren't taught by their parents, who might not have had high emotional intelligence themselves.
• 💡 Emotional intelligence can be developed and is essential for better decision-making, managing relationships, conflict resolution, and achieving personal and professional success.
• 🤔 Self-awareness is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence, involving recognizing and understanding one's own emotions, motivations, actions, and patterns of behavior.
• 📝 Journaling, specifically a stress journal, is a powerful tool for developing self-awareness by identifying triggers, understanding emotional responses, and developing coping mechanisms.
• 🧘‍♂️ Self-regulation involves managing emotions without suppressing them and includes practices like self-soothing and breathing exercises to calm oneself down.
• 🏋️‍♂️ Physical activities like working out can be used to train emotional responses by intentionally calming down after getting into a heightened emotional state.
• 🌱 Adaptability is key in emotional intelligence, learning to accept changes and viewing them as opportunities for growth rather than sources of stress.
• 💡 Learning from mistakes and using them as lessons to improve emotional responses is a vital part of developing emotional intelligence.
• 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Being emotionally intelligent not only helps oneself but also positively influences those around, as others may seek advice and learn from one's example.

Q & A

What is the main focus of today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast?

The main focus of today's episode is on emotional intelligence and how to develop it.

What distinguishes human emotions from those of animals according to the podcast?

Human emotions are distinguished by their depth and the ability to imagine scenarios, both real and fictitious, and have emotional reactions to them.

Why is emotional intelligence considered a skill set rather than a fixed trait?

Emotional intelligence is considered a skill set because it can be developed and enhanced, unlike IQ, which is more static.

What is the first step in developing emotional intelligence as discussed in the podcast?

The first step in developing emotional intelligence is self-awareness, which involves understanding and recognizing one's own emotions.

How can journaling help in improving self-awareness as mentioned in the podcast?

Journaling, specifically stress journaling, helps in identifying triggers, understanding emotional responses, and developing coping mechanisms, thus improving self-awareness.

What is self-soothing and why is it important for emotional regulation?

Self-soothing is the ability to calm oneself from a heightened emotional state to a relaxed one. It's important for emotional regulation as it helps maintain homeostasis and allows for logical thinking.

How does the podcast suggest using physical exercise to improve emotional intelligence?

The podcast suggests using physical exercise as a way to train the body and mind to transition from heightened to calm states, thereby improving emotional intelligence.

What is the significance of adaptability in emotional intelligence as discussed in the podcast?

Adaptability is significant in emotional intelligence because it allows individuals to respond flexibly to changing circumstances and maintain emotional balance.

How can seeking feedback from others help in developing emotional intelligence?

Seeking feedback from others can provide insights into one's behavior and reactions that one might not be aware of, thus aiding in self-awareness and emotional intelligence development.

What is the podcast host's advice for using challenging situations as opportunities for emotional growth?

The podcast host advises viewing challenging situations as opportunities for emotional training, learning to adapt, and improving emotional responses, rather than resisting or dwelling on mistakes.

What is the relationship between emotional intelligence and personal and professional success as highlighted in the podcast?

Emotional intelligence is highlighted as a key factor for both personal and professional success, as it aids in better decision-making, managing relationships, and conflict resolution.

Outlines

00:00

🧠 Developing Emotional Intelligence

In the first paragraph, Rob Dial introduces the topic of emotional intelligence and its significance in distinguishing humans from other animals. He highlights our capacity for deep emotional experiences and our unique ability to emotionally react to imagined scenarios, both positive and negative. Dial emphasizes that most people lack guidance on emotional understanding, which is often not taught at home, and thus it's a skill that needs to be developed. He outlines emotional intelligence as the ability to identify, understand, and manage one's emotions and those of others, which is crucial for personal and professional success. The paragraph concludes with an introduction to a three-step process to develop emotional intelligence, starting with self-awareness.

05:01

🔍 The Importance of Self-Awareness

Paragraph two delves into the concept of self-awareness, which is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence. Rob Dial discusses how most people are unaware of their unconscious reactions and patterns of behavior, often shaped by past experiences and conditioning. He uses the metaphor of being 'in the jar' to illustrate the difficulty of self-perception and suggests taking a step back to examine one's actions and reactions. Dial introduces the idea of journaling as a tool for stress management and self-awareness, encouraging listeners to record their emotional responses to identify triggers and develop coping mechanisms. The paragraph underscores the importance of understanding one's emotional patterns to improve decision-making and relationships.

10:01

🌱 Cultivating Self-Regulation

The third paragraph focuses on self-regulation, which is the ability to manage one's emotions effectively. Rob Dial explains that emotional management doesn't mean suppressing emotions but rather learning to work through them. He introduces the concept of self-soothing, which is the ability to calm oneself from a heightened emotional state to a relaxed one. Dial suggests strategies such as pausing before reacting, deep breathing, and developing self-soothing techniques to regulate emotions. He also encourages seeking feedback from loved ones to gain insight into one's behavior, which can be a powerful tool for self-awareness and growth.

15:02

💪 Training Emotional Resilience

Paragraph four continues the discussion on self-regulation with an emphasis on emotional training and adaptability. Rob Dial suggests that emotional responses can be trained like a muscle, and the more they are exercised, the stronger they become. He advocates for embracing change and viewing life's challenges as opportunities for growth rather than resisting them. Dial shares personal strategies, such as using workout sessions to practice calming down from heightened states, and encourages listeners to develop their own self-soothing techniques. The paragraph concludes with the idea that mastering one's emotions leads to a more harmonious and beneficial life.

20:03

🤝 Leading by Example with Emotional Mastery

In the final paragraph, Rob Dial wraps up the discussion by emphasizing the impact of emotional mastery on one's community and relationships. He suggests that by working on oneself and becoming an example of calm and emotional intelligence, one can inspire others to do the same. Dial shares a story of a client learning to manage her reactions to a difficult boss, turning a negative situation into an opportunity for growth. He encourages listeners to view challenges as training grounds for emotional intelligence and to learn from mistakes. The paragraph ends with a call to action to pre-order his book, 'Level Up,' which offers further guidance on these topics, and a reminder to make someone else's day better.

Keywords

💡Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to identify, understand, and manage one's own emotions and those of others. In the context of the video, it is the central theme, with the host emphasizing its importance for personal and professional success. The host discusses how emotional intelligence can be developed and enhanced, unlike IQ, and provides strategies for improving it.

💡Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the capacity to recognize and understand one's own emotions, motivations, and patterns of behavior. The host describes it as the cornerstone of emotional intelligence, necessary for personal growth and change. The script mentions that without self-awareness, one cannot change, highlighting its importance in managing emotions effectively.

💡Imagining Scenarios

The ability to imagine scenarios, both real and hypothetical, is a key differentiator between humans and animals as mentioned in the script. It influences our emotional reactions, as we can feel emotions based on future events we imagine, which can be positive or negative. This concept is used to illustrate the depth of human emotions and the complexity of emotional intelligence.

💡Self-Regulation

Self-regulation is the practice of managing one's emotions effectively, especially negative ones, to maintain a calm and rational state. The host discusses techniques like pausing before reacting, deep breathing, and self-soothing as part of self-regulation. It is presented as a skill that can be developed to handle heightened emotional states and improve emotional intelligence.

💡Stress Journaling

Stress journaling is a method recommended in the script for developing self-awareness and managing stress. It involves writing down emotional responses to identify triggers and develop coping mechanisms. The host suggests that this practice can lead to a better understanding of oneself and is a tool for emotional training.

💡Adaptability

Adaptability in the context of the video refers to the ability to adjust one's emotional responses to changing circumstances. The host encourages viewers to see change as an opportunity for growth rather than a source of stress, highlighting adaptability as a key aspect of emotional intelligence and personal development.

💡Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is briefly mentioned in relation to 'automatic thoughts,' which are rapid, unconscious cognitive responses to situations. The host uses this concept to explain how our emotions can be triggered without our conscious awareness, emphasizing the need for self-awareness and emotional regulation.

💡Fight or Flight

The 'fight or flight' response is a physiological reaction to perceived harmful events, mentioned to explain how heightened emotions can impair logical thinking. The host uses this concept to illustrate why it's important to calm the emotions through self-soothing and self-regulation to maintain rational thought.

💡Relaxation Response

The relaxation response is a physiological state of calmness and is stimulated through deep, conscious breathing, as discussed by the host. It is presented as a tool for self-soothing and managing the body's response to stress, which is crucial for emotional intelligence.

💡Proactive Emotions

While not explicitly mentioned, the concept of proactive emotions is implied in the discussion about imagining future scenarios and their emotional impact. The host talks about how we can feel emotions based on hypothetical future events, which is a form of proactive emotion. This concept is integral to understanding how we can prepare emotionally for future events.

Highlights

Emotional intelligence is a key factor in personal and professional success.

Humans have a unique ability to imagine scenarios and react emotionally to them, unlike most animals.

Emotional intelligence involves identifying, understanding, and managing one's own and others' emotions.

Self-awareness is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence and involves recognizing and understanding one's own emotions.

Developing self-awareness can be achieved through journaling and reflecting on emotional triggers and responses.

Self-regulation is about managing emotions without suppressing them and involves self-soothing techniques.

Breathing exercises can help regulate emotions and bring the body back to a calm state.

Adaptability in emotional responses is crucial for dealing with constant change and unexpected situations.

Learning from emotional mistakes and using them as opportunities for growth is part of emotional intelligence development.

Emotional intelligence can be improved with practice, unlike IQ, which is more static.

The importance of not bypassing emotions but working with them to achieve personal and professional success.

The role of emotional intelligence in conflict resolution and decision-making.

How to use stress as a tool for developing emotional intelligence through journaling and self-reflection.

The concept of 'emotional training' and its parallels to physical training for emotional fitness.

The impact of emotional intelligence on relationships and the ability to help others develop their own emotional intelligence.

Practical tips for enhancing self-awareness, such as seeking feedback from loved ones and slowing down in moments of heightened emotion.

The idea that emotional intelligence is not just about personal development but also about setting an example for others to follow.

Transcripts

welcome to today's episode of the

mindset Mentor podcast I'm your host Rob

dial today we're going to be talking

about your emotional intelligence and

how to develop your emotional

intelligence and What Makes Us human and

makes us different than almost all other

animals is the depth of our emotions

animals do have emotions but the

difference between us and Them is the

level and the depth at which ours can go

and another really big difference

between us and animals is how we can

imagine a fake scenario a fake future

good or bad and we can get a emotional

reaction from that fake future right now

good or bad so like we can imagine

starting a business and we're it's our

first day starting this business and we

can start to think about oh my God what

if this business fails what if I what if

this happens to me what if this doesn't

happen to me and we can start to imagine

a a future where the business fails and

we will feel those feelings right now in

this in this moment but we could also

Imagine you know you guys have probably

if you're out there listening to me and

you're human you've probably imagined

some sort of sexual thought or sexual

scenario right and you also notice from

imagining that future your body still

does something right so no matter what

it is that you're actually imagining

good bad sexual your body is going to

have some sort of reaction to it and

that's just internally now you also

think about externally all the people

that are around you that you deal with

work everything

all of that stuff is going to cause some

sort of emotion inside of you what it

really comes down to is how do we

actually regulate understand regulate

and use our emotions for good because

let's be real

most people's parents were not

psychologists that taught us exactly how

to understand our mind understand our

emotions and they probably didn't have

really high emotional intelligence maybe

they did if they did you're lucky but

most people didn't really have that and

so really it's something that's a skill

that we need to develop and we're going

to talk about like I said something

called emotional intelligence which is

really just the ability to identify

understand and manage your emotions and

those could be our emotions but they can

also be other people's emotions as well

once you become more emotionally

intelligent you can actually start to

help other people become more

emotionally intelligent if you have

children or if you're a manager or if

you have people that you surround

yourself with it is very important for

you to understand your emotions and up

regulate your your emotions and your

calmness and your emotional intelligence

so that therefore you can help other

people around you as well

I think that this is a skill set and the

reason why I say it's a skill set is

it's really something that you can

improve at and it's really something I

think everybody listening should want to

be better at it helps you with better

decision making manage relationships

that you have conflict resolution and

it's also really a key factor to your

personal success but also your

professional success so you need to

understand your emotions and not act

like they don't exist a lot of people

like to just kind of not look at their

emotions they throw them off to the side

and like no those aren't there I'm just

I'm just a robot you have to really

understand your emotions and some

experts even say that emotional

intelligence is more important than

cognitive intelligence when it comes to

overall success happiness and well-being

and the good thing for us fortunately is

that unlike IQ emotional intelligence

can be developed and enhanced which is

why I call it a skill set and so today

we're just going to basically go through

a really simple three-step process to

help you develop your emotional

intelligence cool so the first thing

is self-awareness you wonder you need to

understand your emotions I feel like I

talk about self-awareness almost every

single episode and it might be the most

important skill for someone to have

because you cannot change something if

you are not aware of it and so what you

really want to do is start developing

your own self-awareness a lot of people

think they know themselves then they

start reading books and they get into

self-development and then they start or

they go to a therapist and like holy

I didn't know myself at all there's

all kinds of things happening in the

background you know there's my five

percent conscious mind there's my 95

conscious mind that's kind of running a

program that has so much conditioning

that was making me act a certain way

that was making me feel a certain way

that was making me think a certain way

and I think that this is really

something for us to think about is with

all of the technology

in the stimuli that we have all day

every day we have phones we have TVs we

have social media on our phones we have

text messages we have computers we have

emails we have other people in our lives

all of those things most people are

really unaware of themselves because

they are so busy doing things that they

never take a step back and actually

think they're too busy in the 3D realm

of everything externally versus kind of

taking the mirror and putting it on

ourselves and saying well why am I this

way what is it about like what what is

it about my relationship with my mom

that made me this way what is about my

relation my dad that made me this way

are there any traumas that I haven't

gotten past is there any uh people who

died in my in my life that I didn't even

actually grieve and so therefore because

the fact I didn't grieve it it's like

this this well of emotions that stuck

inside of me that comes out only when I

drink or whatever it might be for

whenever I get angry and most people

because they're so busy are really

unaware of their deep unconscious

reactions and and the the actions that

we take and why we take them and so you

could take two people

who have the exact same life two two

twins and they could be two completely

different people based off of the thing

that happened to them but then also how

they react based off of what happened to

them and if you don't take a step back

and actually start to look at this

you don't really know how it's affecting

you and when you don't know how it's

affecting you also don't know how it's

affecting other people and that's why I

always say in the podcast when you're in

the jar you can't read the label you've

got to take yourself out of the jar to

be able to read the label you've got to

take yourself out of your own head and

start asking yourself really deep

questions we've got to get out of the

jar more we've got to calm ourselves

down a little bit

and say why did I act that way why why

did I have such an emotional reaction to

what she said to me why did I freak out

on that person oh I just have a short

fuse no you don't have a short fuse that

is actually actually something that

you've built up over years you weren't

born with a short fuse and

self-awareness is really the Cornerstone

of emotional intelligence it's the

capacity to really start to to recognize

and understand your own emotions your

motivations your actions your patterns

of behavior because we all have patterns

we're just literally people that just go

and do patterns all day long depending

on what happened to us in our past you

know if you have a parent who's very

calm

someone might cut you cut off cut you

off in the road and you have no problem

with it you're like oh that guy must

have to poop so he's really in a hurry

so all right you cut me off but if you

have a parent who has a short fuse or

someone who freaks out at people when

they cut them off and then you freak out

when people cut you off that is a

pattern and you've developed that

pattern from somebody else how aware are

you of your patterns and not really what

it comes down to is being aware of what

you're feeling why you are feeling that

way and how those emotions can affect

your decisions and your actions and then

also how your emotions affect other

people around you as well and so let's

talk about how to develop more

self-awareness in your life

few episodes ago I gave you a an example

of something called Stress Management

journaling and so it's creating

something called a stress Journal which

can be really highly effective for

people for Stress Management so stress

is an emotion and that is a pattern

something that can happen to me could

make me really stressed out some the

exact same thing could happen to you and

it doesn't stress you out at all and so

a stress stress Journal really helps

with you identifying your triggers

understanding your emotional responses

and eventually help you develop coping

mechanisms and the idea more than

anything else is to learn yourself I

always say knowing yourself is based in

the past learning yourself is based in

the present so you sit down you ask

yourself when you start to have a

heightened emotion what is it that's

triggering you why do you feel that way

how do you feel

what can you do about it and you'll

start to learn more about yourself than

you ever have you'll start to see

triggers before they they actually come

up you'll start to see oh okay I know

that this thing right here really makes

me anxious okay I'm starting to see that

this starting to notice my feelings

starting to notice my emotions I'm

starting to notice my my chest get a

little bit tighter okay I'm about to get

into stressed anxious State okay why

because oh yeah that's right I've been

here before okay and what you do is you

start to develop coping mechanisms to

help you when you do get stressed and

one thing that I recommend is when you

get triggered in some sort of way

whether that's where that's pissed off

whether that is sad whether that is

angry whether that is

you just have a full-on breakdown or you

disconnect or you bypass any of those

things when you get triggered in some

sort of way the point of this this

journal is to get curious and have it

with no judgment instead take really

compassionate and curious approach the

same way that if your friend came up to

you and said hey

can I talk to you like I'm really

dealing with some stuff right now you

know yeah absolutely okay well he said

this to me and I just went off the rails

and I don't like that I did that and I'm

really trying to figure it out can you

help me out you wouldn't be like oh well

this and you wouldn't like throw

judgment and shame and guilt at your

friend but you'll do it to yourself so

really what it is is try to be able to

journal through these things with

without emotion without judgment without

guilt without shame because those things

don't help and so journaling this way

can help you understand yourself and and

it can also really be a great emotional

release to dump all of your feelings

onto a piece of paper and work through

them because when it's in your head it's

really hard to figure out like really

hard to figure out you're feeling all a

lot of times people are like Rob I don't

know why I feel this way and I'm like

yeah because it's in your head put it on

paper because when it's put on paper it

can be planned it can be worked through

and you can start to figure yourself out

hey if you're loving this episode on

emotional intelligence please do me a

quick favor give us a like down below

for the YouTube algorithm and if you

have any ideas of stuff that you want me

to cover in future episodes go ahead and

put them down below in the comments and

so that's a big tip that I'll give you

to start to develop more self-awareness

is to have a stress Journal have a a

journal that you put your emotions down

you start asking yourself how am I

reacting why do I feel this way

then when you notice yourself in those

moments slow down in the moment the

subconscious brings up there's something

called automatic thoughts they talk

about in cognitive behavioral therapy

where it's an automatic thought it's so

automatic that you don't even notice the

thought

you don't even recognize it most of the

time usually we don't recognize a

thought we recognize how we feel we

notice the emotion and so what you want

to start to do is slow down in the

moment when you feel that way and what

am I feeling why am I feeling this way

and you start to actually work through

those things and you just kind of slow

yourself down chill out a little bit

stop being so go go go go go go all the

time

another tip that I'll give you for being

self-aware which I know most people

listen as podcasts you're not going to

do this because it scares the out

of you because it's a hard one

go to people who you love

ask around what they notice about you

they will tell you things I 100 promise

you that you might not notice about

yourself you think that you know

yourself a lot of times but you don't

know yourself until you get feedback

from people who know you well so you can

sit down and ask your friends you can

ask your family you can ask your spouse

you can ask your children if they're old

enough to be able to talk to you about

it you can ask for colleagues for

feedback about your behavior about your

reactions and really once again I know

most you guys are not going to do this

but if you do it will absolutely change

your view on yourself because there's a

lot of things are going to pop up and

you're going to go oh my God they're so

right I didn't even realize that I do

this and so that's the the first tip is

to make sure that you become self-aware

of yourself the second thing once you

become aware of your emotions is

self-regulation so now that you're aware

of your emotions now we've got to figure

out how to manage those emotions when I

say manage your emotions I don't mean

push them away act like they don't exist

any of that stuff I mean manage them as

far as how to start to work through them

because an emotion is something that's

coming up in your body your body wants

to release this emotion if you just push

it away it's like throwing something

under the carpet you could throw it in

the carpet eventually you're going to

get some point where you've thrown too

many things on the carpet you trip over

it you hurt yourself you say something

that you don't want to say you react a

certain way

and so really with with self-regulation

I think I've been thinking a lot about

recently is self-soothing self-soothing

is something that is naturally built

into the human system when you look at a

baby they know how to self-soothe it's

pretty wild they know to suck on their

thumbs or they suck on a pacifier or

they will cry until their mother picks

them up because they want to be soothed

in some sort of way they have a

heightened State and they're trying to

bring themselves back to homeostasis

just normal

young children do the same thing as well

young children will have a stuffed

animal that makes them feel like they're

soothing or they'll have a blanket that

they carry around that makes them feel

safe as adults

most adults that I know don't number one

they don't know what self-soothing is

number two they definitely don't have

any form of self-soothing that they do

for themselves

and we're not taught how to do so

because frankly most of our parents are

not good at self-soothing on their own

and they don't know how to do it in

their own life so it probably wasn't

taught to you self-soothing is really

just a practice to be able to get

yourself from a heightened state to a

calm relaxed State back to homeostasis

and it's it's the ability to be able to

regulate your emotional state regardless

of your circumstances

so how do you do it okay the first thing

is this

when you feel a heightened State

bubbling on the side of you we all know

the feeling of it just kind of coming up

right

what you want to do is you want to pause

pause before you do any sort of reaction

when you feel a real strong emotion

especially a negative one don't

immediately react Victor Frankl who

you've heard me quote many times in this

podcast wrote an incredible book called

man search for meaning he was in

Auschwitz as a prisoner in the Nazi

camps and he was a psychologist before

and he has this quote of saying between

stimulus and response between something

happening and you reacting so between

stimulus and response there's a space

and in that space lies our freedom and

power to choose our responses and in our

response lies our growth and our freedom

so if you want to be free what you want

to do is be able to emotionally regulate

to choose your response that is where

you're really trying to master yourself

to pause

and to notice your state changing and

then make a conscious decision of what

you want your next action to be

and then what you want to do is you want

to breathe our breath rate the depth and

the pattern of it is the first thing to

change when your emotional state changes

there's been many studies on this

there's a Japanese study that was done

at shawwa University in Yokohama I hope

I said that correctly it indicates that

60 breaths in a 30 second period can

help lower your heart rate and your

blood pressure Dr Hubert Hubert Benson

at Harvard Medical School coined some of

those called the relaxation response and

the relaxation response is stimulated

through deep conscious breathing and so

usually the very first thing to change

is as soon as you start to feel the

emotions Bubble Up is

your heart rate goes up your breath rate

goes up so you're trying to calm

yourself back down

deep conscious breaths to allow yourself

to go from a heightened state to a

calmer State why because when your

emotions are high your logic is low

when you get really emotional your your

brain actually starts to react

differently you stop sending so as much

blood to your prefrontal cortex which is

the executive function functioning

thinking part of your brain

because you're thinking that it's

actually fight or flight like shit's

hitting the fan I got to do something

there's no reason to be able to think

through things like a math problem right

so that's why you can say something when

you're really pissed off and you're like

yeah I probably should have said that to

her so when your emotions are high your

logic is low breathe get yourself back

to a calm State one way that's really

good to train this muscle quote unquote

muscle of going from heightened state to

column State and allowing yourself to

self-soothe is actually something that I

do a lot when I work out so I work out

at home we have one in our gym

I'm sorry we have a gym in our garage

and uh when I work out at home I'll work

out really hard for the sets and get

into a heightened State and then what

I'll do is I'll set a timer for my 60

seconds or 90 second rest and I'll close

my eyes and I'll go from I will try to

breathe and slow myself down as much as

possible so I'm training my body and my

brain to go from heightened state to

calm state from heightened state to comp

state from heightened state to comp

state I'm trying to train myself to calm

as much as possible this is not I want

you I want to say this one more time

this is not bypassing emotions what it

is is learning how to work with your

emotions and working out is a really

good strategy for emotional training so

if you go for a run and you like running

do a really quick Sprint a 100 yard

Sprint get your your your breath up get

your heart rate up close your eyes and

then try to calm yourself down as quick

as possible through deep conscious

breaths that is actually training for

your emotions so that's the thing that

you want to make sure to do how can you

develop some form of self-soothing so

self-soothing to get shoved from a

heightened State down to a calm state

and then the last part of that is

adaptability and being more flexible in

your emotional responses emotional

training is just like training a muscle

the more that you train it the stronger

that it's going to get you are not going

to be able to train the change the world

around you I think that a lot of people

Stress and Anxiety comes from them

wanting the world to be different but

the world is not different and they're

not going to change the world and so we

need to get better at reacting to the

world around you you're not going to be

able to train your mom into being

different she's been that way for 70

years or 60 years or whatever it might

be 80 years and so instead of trying to

change somebody what I want to do is

change myself around that person I got

to get better at adapting instead of

being like Oh well she's not that way

now I'm pissed off I bet you can think

of someone that you know that no matter

what happens to them

cool as a cucumber right they're always

just calm that right there is a skill

and it's a muscle that's been developed

over years and years and years in how to

how to really start to develop it is to

start being okay with change start being

okay with the world not being the way

that you want it to be the only thing

constant in this world is change so

instead of resisting changes and just

white knuckling your way through life

and holding on as tight as you can

try to view that as an opportunity for

growth and see it as okay

this is the way that it is I remember I

had a coaching client like seven years

ago and she had this boss that was just

terrible she used to tell me stories

about how she would come in and yell at

her and the stuff that she would say and

she's like Rob I don't I don't know what

to do

like she's just insane

I was like okay well you could quit and

she's like I can't really quit right now

and I was like well if you can't change

your circumstances the only thing you

could change is you and so you want to

get better at your emotional responses

why don't you see it as like

a challenge every time you walk in the

door you're going to have this boss

that's gonna do some crazy stuff she's

going to say some crazy stuff why don't

you view this as like walking into the

dojo for your emotional intelligence for

calming yourself for remaining calm and

keeping you know homeostasis no matter

how crazy it gets and so what she did is

she started going into work and her boss

was just a

complete nut bag and she was just trying

to

no matter what happens she's not going

to disturb my peace because your peace

is something you can your piece is yours

that's something that you decide that

you're going to be in if somebody quote

unquote somebody gets you out of your

piece you chose to get out of your piece

so how can you actually use it as

training some of you guys hate going

home

holidays things coming up you're like I

don't know if I can do it my parents are

crazy

okay why don't you see it as a challenge

another thing you do besides embracing

changes learn from your mistakes because

you are human you are going to this

up over and over and over and over and

over and over and over again you will

not be perfect so when you blow up at

somebody

and you say something you didn't mean or

you react in a defensive way and you're

like man I really screwed that one up

how can you learn from it how can you

learn to adapt and go you know what yeah

I need to adapt myself I need to change

how can I react better next time don't

guilt and shame yourself use it as a

lesson and a chance to get better next

time rather than dwelling on all of your

mistakes and then making yourself feel

worse about this thing use all of them

as learning opportunities analyze what

went wrong

what you could do differently adapt and

then move forward because really what it

comes down to is we're all

in community with other people and

especially if you're a parent this is

something that you should definitely try

to work at you know your children have

you're in Walmart and your children has

just a child has a meltdown in the

middle of the ice cream aisle

okay this is my chance to to calm myself

this is my chance to to try to Center

myself

and from there what you're realizing is

that you're not just helping yourself

you're also helping your children around

you the people around you understand

themselves and a lot of times this is

what tends to happen with people I hear

this all the time is when you start to

work on yourself and you start to get

closer and closer and closer to Mastery

of yourself

the people who are around you start

asking questions

hey I notice you're getting really calm

like what are you doing I'm starting to

get really anxious recently and that's

when you can really start to help people

you can't change them you can change

yourself and be an example of what they

could be and then hopefully they can

come to you and start to ask you

questions you can help your children

through this you can help your friends

through this you can help your family

members through this you can help your

spouse through this but really what it

comes down to is you realizing that your

emotions are what make you human

how can we match them how can not bypass

and deflect them off somewhere else how

can we Master them how can we work with

them and how can we use them to our

benefit in our lifetime so that's what I

got for you for today's episode if you

love this episode please me if you ever

share it on your Instagram stories and

tag me in at Rob dial Jr Rob

d-i-a-l-j-r and if you're out there and

you love this podcast you'll also

probably love my new book it is called

level up how to get focused stop

procrastinating and upgrade your life it

is currently number one in a few

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it's number one in Psychology it's

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so if you want to get it go to

robdial.com book or however you listen

and find books and read them

go to rob.com book if you're listening

to this before October 3rd it is still

on pre-order and anybody who pre-orders

the book only people who pre-order the

book will get a free class a video

series for myself on how to stop

procrastinating absolutely free and

you'll get entered into a drawing over

for twenty five thousand dollars in cash

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get that it's Rob dial.com book and with

that I'm Gonna Leave the same way I

leave you every single episode make it

your mission to make somebody else's day

better I appreciate you and I hope that

you have an amazing day