Finding Your Why - The First Step to Dealing With Anxiety - Anxiety Course Day 1/30

Summary

This video script emphasizes the importance of taking radical responsibility for one's anxiety, rather than seeking to merely eliminate it. It illustrates how avoiding anxiety can shrink one's world and suggests that the real goal should be to enrich life with meaningful experiences, despite anxiety. The course aims to teach skills for better managing anxiety, fostering a healthier relationship with it, and ultimately leading a life filled with joy and purpose.

Takeaways

• 📝 The course encourages participants to take radical responsibility for their anxiety, aiming to change controllable aspects rather than avoiding anxiety altogether.
• ✍️ It's important to write down goals for the course to have a clear vision of what one wants to achieve, which can be done in a workbook or in the comments section.
• 🚫 The instructor emphasizes that the course will not teach avoidance of anxiety but instead focus on managing it effectively.
• 🎭 A story about 8th graders facing anxiety during auditions and tryouts illustrates the difference between facing anxiety and avoiding it to protect oneself.
• 📉 Avoiding anxiety can lead to a shrinking world, causing more misery and potentially increasing anxiety levels.
• 🤝 The course aims to improve one's relationship with anxiety by developing skills like clear communication and setting healthy boundaries.
• 🏋️‍♀️ The instructor will teach various skills to decrease anxiety and change one's perspective towards it, promoting tolerance and acceptance.
• 🎯 The primary goal is not just to reduce anxiety but to enrich life with meaningful experiences, relationships, and accomplishments.
• 🤔 The script highlights that anxiety itself is not the problem; it's the attempts to escape it that can diminish the quality of life.
• 🌟 The course will challenge participants to do hard things, emphasizing the need for a strong 'why' to motivate oneself to face and manage anxiety.

Q & A

What is the main goal of the course mentioned in the script?

The main goal of the course is not just to make anxiety go away, but to help participants improve their relationship with anxiety, decrease it, and fill their lives with things they care about, thus making life more awesome again.

Why does the script suggest that setting the goal of feeling less anxious can be problematic?

Setting the goal of feeling less anxious can be problematic because it leads to cutting out parts of life that cause anxiety, which in turn shrinks one's world and can make life more miserable, potentially increasing anxiety.

What example is given in the script to illustrate the impact of anxiety on people's decisions?

The script provides the example of 8th graders auditioning for plays and trying out for sports teams. Some, despite high anxiety, faced it to achieve their goals, while others avoided it to make their anxiety go away, leading to a different impact on their lives.

How does the script differentiate between two groups of kids with high anxiety regarding their approach to auditions?

The script differentiates the two groups by their actions: one group faced their anxiety and auditioned, while the other avoided auditioning to eliminate their anxiety.

What is the paradox of anxiety mentioned in the script?

The paradox of anxiety is that the more we try to make it go away, the more we signal to our brain that anxiety is important, which can make the brain amplify it, leading to increased anxiety.

What common behaviors are described in the script that people engage in to avoid anxiety?

Common behaviors include avoiding social situations due to social anxiety, engaging in compulsive behaviors in response to OCD, seeking constant reassurance, and worrying to prevent disappointment.

How does the script suggest that worry can fuel anxiety?

The script suggests that worry can fuel anxiety by causing individuals to focus on avoiding anxiety, which paradoxically increases the focus on anxiety and can lead to more worry and anxiety.

What is the script's stance on the idea of 'dead people goals' in relation to anxiety?

The script argues against 'dead people goals,' which is the idea of trying to not feel anything, including anxiety. It states that only dead people don't feel any anxiety, implying that it's unrealistic and unhealthy to aim for a life without any anxiety.

What exercise is recommended in the script to help participants envision a life without anxiety controlling their choices?

The script recommends a visualization exercise where participants imagine doing the things they love, being around the people they love, and chasing their dreams without anxiety controlling their choices.

What is the script's advice on dealing with difficult relationships in the context of anxiety?

The script advises that instead of avoiding difficult relationships, one should learn new skills such as clear communication, setting healthy boundaries, and assertive problem-solving to improve the relationship and reduce the impact of the difficult person on their life.

How does the script define 'radical responsibility' in relation to anxiety?

The script defines 'radical responsibility' as taking charge of one's anxiety, which involves changing the things that can be changed and learning the skills to do so, rather than just trying to cope with anxiety.

Outlines

00:00

📝 Embracing Anxiety for Personal Growth

The video script begins by challenging viewers to define their goals for the course, emphasizing the importance of taking responsibility for their anxiety. The speaker rejects the idea of merely coping with anxiety and instead encourages viewers to change what they can. The narrative uses the metaphor of a story to illustrate the counterproductive nature of trying to eliminate anxiety. It highlights the misconception that avoiding anxiety leads to a better life, but in reality, it only shrinks one's world and increases anxiety. The script shares a study involving 8th graders to demonstrate how facing anxiety can lead to personal growth, whereas avoiding it can result in a diminished life experience. The key message is to understand the relationship with anxiety and to focus on enriching life rather than merely trying to feel less anxious.

05:02

🚫 The Consequences of Avoidance in Coping with Anxiety

This paragraph delves into the negative outcomes of avoiding anxiety, using social anxiety and OCD as examples to show how avoidance behaviors can escalate and lead to a reduced quality of life. The speaker points out that common attempts to mitigate anxiety, such as seeking reassurance or engaging in worry, can paradoxically increase it. The script invites viewers to reflect on how anxiety has impacted their lives, encouraging them to identify areas where they have retreated due to fear. The core argument is that the way one interacts with anxiety, rather than the anxiety itself, is what robs them of joy. The speaker promises to teach skills to better understand and tolerate anxiety, with the ultimate goal of enhancing life rather than just reducing anxiety.

10:04

🌟 Redefining Goals Beyond Anxiety Reduction

The final paragraph of the script shifts the focus from merely reducing anxiety to living a fulfilling life. It emphasizes the importance of having a 'why' that is more significant than the desire to feel less anxious. The speaker warns against the trap of setting goals that lead to a life of avoidance and shrinking opportunities. Instead, the course aims to equip viewers with skills to decrease anxiety while fostering a life filled with passion, relationships, and experiences. The script concludes with an invitation to visualize a life uncontrolled by anxiety, encouraging viewers to imagine the joy and excitement of living boldly and pursuing their dreams, even if it involves a bit of discomfort and worry.

Keywords

💡Anxiety

Anxiety, in this context, refers to a feeling of nervousness or unease, often generalized and unrelated to any particular threat. It is central to the video's theme, which discusses how people's attempts to manage or avoid anxiety can sometimes exacerbate the problem. For example, the script mentions that when people set goals to 'feel less anxious,' they may end up cutting out important aspects of their lives, which can increase anxiety.

💡Radical Responsibility

Radical Responsibility is the concept of taking complete ownership of one's emotions and actions. In the video, the speaker asks viewers to take radical responsibility for their anxiety, implying that they should actively work on changing what they can about their anxiety instead of passively trying to cope with it. This is exemplified by the speaker's statement, 'I'm gonna ask you to take radical responsibility for your anxiety.'

💡Avoidance

Avoidance is the act of staying away from people, activities, or situations that cause anxiety or discomfort. The script uses the example of social anxiety to illustrate how avoidance can lead to a diminished quality of life, as individuals may stop attending social events to avoid feeling anxious, which in turn can lead to loneliness and increased anxiety.

💡Goals

Goals are the aims or objectives that individuals set for themselves. The video emphasizes the importance of setting the right goals in relation to anxiety. It contrasts the ineffective goal of wanting to 'feel less anxious' with the more constructive approach of pursuing meaningful life experiences and personal growth. The script prompts viewers to write down their goals for the course, indicating the importance of goal-setting in managing anxiety.

💡Worry

Worry is a state of being anxious or troubled over actual or potential problems. The script discusses worry as a behavior that can both result from anxiety and contribute to it, creating a cycle that can be detrimental to one's well-being. The speaker mentions, 'you worry to avoid anxiety and worry also fuels anxiety,' highlighting the interplay between worry and anxiety.

💡Quality of Life

Quality of Life refers to the general well-being and satisfaction with one's life. The video argues that attempts to escape anxiety can actually decrease one's quality of life. It provides examples of how avoiding social situations or constantly seeking reassurance can lead to a diminished life experience, as individuals cut out activities and relationships they care about.

💡Relationship with Anxiety

The 'relationship with anxiety' is the way an individual interacts with and perceives their anxiety. The video suggests that the key to managing anxiety is not to eliminate it but to change this relationship. It contrasts the approach of avoidance with that of facing anxiety and learning new skills to cope with it, as illustrated by the story of the 8th graders auditioning for plays and sports teams.

💡Tolerance

Tolerance, in the context of the video, refers to the ability to accept and endure the presence of anxiety without letting it control one's life. The script mentions that the course will teach viewers 'how to make space for and tolerate anxiety,' indicating that learning to live with anxiety is a healthier approach than trying to eliminate it.

💡Skills

Skills, as discussed in the video, are the abilities and techniques that individuals can learn to better manage their anxiety. The speaker promises to teach a 'bunch of skills to decrease your anxiety,' including understanding it, changing thought patterns, and tolerating discomfort. These skills are presented as tools to improve one's relationship with anxiety and enhance life quality.

💡Motivation

Motivation is the drive or desire to achieve something. The video highlights the importance of motivation in facing anxiety, using the example of two groups of kids with high anxiety, one of which chose to face their anxiety to achieve their goals, while the other avoided it. The script suggests that motivation can influence how individuals relate to their anxiety and their resulting self-confidence and anxiety levels.

💡Visualization Exercise

A visualization exercise is a mental practice of creating a vivid image of a desired outcome or situation. The script encourages viewers to engage in such an exercise to imagine a life free from anxiety's control, asking them to consider what activities 'make you feel alive.' This exercise is intended to help clarify personal values and aspirations, which can motivate individuals to change their relationship with anxiety.

Highlights

The course encourages participants to take radical responsibility for their anxiety.

The instructor emphasizes that the goal is not to teach coping mechanisms but to instill a change in behavior.

A story is used to illustrate why attempts to reduce anxiety can backfire.

The importance of not shrinking one's world to avoid anxiety is discussed.

An example of 8th graders facing anxiety during auditions and tryouts is provided.

The contrasting outcomes for kids who faced their anxiety versus those who avoided it are highlighted.

The course's focus on changing the relationship with anxiety rather than just reducing it is explained.

The instructor clarifies that the course aims to make life 'awesome' again, not just anxiety-free.

The concept of 'dead people goals' is introduced, emphasizing that only the deceased don't feel anxiety.

The paradox that trying to avoid anxiety can increase it is discussed.

Common examples of how people attempt to avoid anxiety and the negative consequences are provided.

The instructor explains that the course will teach skills to decrease anxiety and change perceptions.

The necessity of having a 'why' that is more significant than just reducing anxiety is emphasized.

The course will challenge participants to do hard things for the sake of a better life, not just less anxiety.

The instructor discusses the paradox that avoiding anxiety can lead to a smaller, more depressed life.

A visualization exercise is suggested to help participants imagine a life without anxiety controlling their choices.

The course's ultimate goal is to help participants live a life filled with joy, excitement, and a bit of discomfort.

Transcripts

but why are you here why did you click on this  video or sign up for this course now if you're  

in the paid course take a minute in your workbook  and write down your goals for the course if you're  

on YouTube write down your goals in the comments  section now I'm not going to waste your time I'm  

not going to teach you how to cope with anxiety  I'm gonna ask you to take radical responsibility  

for your anxiety so that means I'm gonna ask  you to change the things that you can change  

but I'll teach you the skills to do that so  let's start with a story in this video you'll  

learn why many attempts to reduce anxiety or  manage stress backfire and what to do instead

[Music] now many people just want their anxiety to  go away they just don't want to feel it they they  

imagine that if they didn't feel anxious their  lives would be so much better and so they set that  

as their goal they their goal is my goal is to not  feel so anxious but when your goal is to feel less  

of something you essentially have to cut something  out of your life and the problem with that is that  

your world shrinks and then as it becomes more  miserable then your anxiety actually grows now  

let me give you an example researchers wanted  to explore how anxiety impacted people so they  

decided to interview a group of 8th graders who  were in the process of auditioning for plays and  

trying out for sports teams and of running for  school counselor and the researchers asked the  

kids to rate their anxiety on a scale from zero to  ten and about half of the kids said oh I am really  

nervous and they rated their anxiety at a seven  and eight or a nine and of these nervous kids some  

of the kids auditioned and some of them didn't now  in the follow-up researchers asked the kids who  

tried out anyway they said you were really nervous  why did you try out and the general response was  

auditioning was the only way to get into the play  I had to face my anxiety in order to accomplish  

my goals and then they asked the group of kids  that had high anxiety and didn't try out they  

asked them the same question and they answered  I didn't try out because that was the only way  

I could make my anxiety go away the only way to  make your anxiety go away completely is to avoid  

the things you care about in life now just like  those kids who decided not to audition if your  

only goal is to feel less to feel less sad to feel  less stress then you'll end up shrinking your life  

away now I told you that this course is about your  relationship with anxiety now sometimes when we  

have to interact with a difficult person like a  family member or a co-worker all we want is for  

that person to go away we don't want to have to  deal with the discomfort of interacting with them  

so we avoid them or we fantasize about quitting  our job or divorcing a spouse right and with some  

people we can cut them out of our lives but if  our only tool in relationships is to separate from  

difficult people we're going to end up very lonely  because all close relationships have difficulties  

instead in real close relationships we learn new  skills we learn how to communicate clearly how  

to set healthy boundaries how to ask for what  you need how to problem solve assertively right  

when you learn how to do this the difficult person  won't bother you so much and you can get all the  

joy that healthy relationships bring so instead  in this course I'm going to teach you how to get  

better at feeling I mean yes your anxiety probably  will decrease but way more importantly the goal of  

this course is to make your life awesome again to  fill your life with the things you care about the  

people and the experiences that you've cut  out the dreams and the accomplishments that  

you're afraid to try and to bring richness and  joy back to your day instead of worry and fear  

so what was the difference between those two  groups of kids they both had high anxiety but  

one of them decided that their goal was worth it  to face anxiety and the other set decided that  

the thing they wanted most was for their anxiety  to go away the difference was not the level of  

anxiety but how the kids related to their anxiety  now with those kids when the next audition came  

around which group do you think was more anxious  which one felt better about themselves which set  

felt more confident which set of kids decided to  audition again most likely the group that tried it  

the group that faced their anxiety but motivation  matters when facing anxiety so here's the thing  

that most people don't understand about anxiety  when your main goal is to make your anxiety go  

away you believe it's the anxiety that's ruining  your life and you imagine that if your anxiety  

went away then you'd be happy and while anxiety  can be really uncomfortable it's not actually the  

anxiety that's ruined in your life it's your  attempts to escape anxiety that are actually  

decreasing your quality of life don't believe me  let's look at some common examples social anxiety  

you stop going to parties because you don't want  to feel anxious there you constantly worry about  

what you said in an attempt to figure out the  perfect thing to say so that you don't have to  

feel anxious when you say the wrong thing so then  you begin to worry and feel lonely all the time  

okay someone with OCD they fear that they've  touched something with germs and this thought  

makes them anxious so they engage in a behavior  like hand washing to make that feeling go away but  

the feeling comes back so they wash their hands  a hundred times to try to make that feeling go  

away but even though their skin is raw the feeling  comes back then they just avoid going outside to  

avoid feeling anxious about touching something and  before long the quality of life has gone way down  

now sometimes the way we attempt to avoid anxiety  aren't nearly as obvious we may seek constant  

reassurance from our spouse to avoid feeling  anxious about whether they love us or we may  

constantly worry to try to prevent ourselves from  feeling disappointed if something bad does happen  

yes you'll learn a lot more about worry later but  you do it you worry to avoid anxiety and worry  

also fuels anxiety another way is we may convince  ourselves that we're worthless and broken so that  

we don't have to risk uncertainty and the anxiety  of trying and failing so how has anxiety impacted  

your life take the time to fill out your workbook  what have you cut out of your life due to anxiety  

um what situations people experiences  opportunities have you lost due to trying  

to not feel anxiety for many people anxiety has  robbed them of Joy or more accurately how they  

interact with their anxiety has robbed them of  Joy they feel sick and worried when they should be  

relaxing or it's made it hard for them to do their  job or succeed in school or they withdraw from  

friends or stop going places in this course I'm  going to teach you a bunch of skills to decrease  

your anxiety to better understand your anxiety  to change how you think and feel about anxiety  

and how to make space for and tolerate anxiety  but the goal of this course isn't just to make  

your anxiety go away trying to not feel something  is what's called dead people goals the only people  

who don't feel any anxiety are people who are dead  so to do that work to get better at feeling which  

will sometimes be uncomfortable you're going to  need something you care about more more than just  

making anxiety go away so in this course I'm going  to be asking you to do hard things so that's why I  

need you to get really clear on what is your why  what kind of Life do you want to be living now  

I'm not going to ask you to just suck it up to  just deal with anxiety I'm going to teach you a  

bunch of skills to lower your anxiety but if your  only goal is to just feel less anxiety I can tell  

you where that will lead you to a life that is  constantly getting smaller the only way to feel  

less is to cut the things you care about out of  your life you avoid performing and then you avoid  

going places and then you avoid acquaintances  and you procrastinate schoolwork or you break up  

with your partner and your life gets smaller and  smaller and smaller and you know what you're left  

with depression and anxiety now when I painted  that picture did you feel like that sense of  

hopelessness of like that dread and that like cold  shutdown like is your goal in life really about  

not feeling the Paradox of anxiety is that the  more we try to make it go away the more messages  

we send to our brain that this anxiety thing is  really important and your brain actually makes it  

louder it increases the neurons around anxiety and  it makes you more anxious so if we want to change  

our relationship with anxiety we need to focus  on what we do want not what we're trying to avoid  

so what happens if you imagine being able to do  the things you love like write about that what  

if you imagine being around the people you love  boldly chasing your dreams traveling the world  

loving intensely dancing wildly speaking your  truth and living your life what does it feel  

like if you imagine that does it feel a little  light do you feel a little bit of excitement  

and it's not unlikely that you feel a little  twinge of worry or anxiety so what is it what is  

the life you dream of this life is gonna include  joy and excitement and a little bit of discomfort  

so I want you to do a visualization exercise what  makes you feel alive you can write about this or  

you can sit and imagine it for five minutes what  lights you up how does this feel in your heart  

in your legs and your stomach in your chest and  your head right in detail about what you would  

do on a day where anxiety no longer controls  you where your choices had nothing to do with  

your feelings of anxiety what kind of person do  you want to be what do you want your life to be  

about what character traits do you admire in  others spend a lot of time on this we're gonna  

come back to it and if you're in the full course  there's a space in your workbook to explore this  

further okay [Music] it's day one from my 30-day  anxiety skills course you can check out the whole  

thing on my website links in the description  below thanks for watching and take care foreign

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