Jordan Peterson : How to Stop being the Nice Guy
Summary
TLDRDieses Video-Skript diskutiert die Persönlichkeitsmerkmale der Zustimmungsfähigkeit und Unzustimmungsfähigkeit und wie sie das Leben und die Karriere beeinflussen. Es zeigt, dass übermäßige Zustimmungsfähigkeit zu einer Schwierigkeit führen kann, persönliche Ziele zu definieren und zu verfolgen, während Unzustimmungsfähigkeit in bestimmten Situationen vorteilhaft sein kann. Das Skript betont die Notwendigkeit, sowohl in der Psychologie als auch im sozialen Verhalten eine Balance zwischen Selbstinteresse und Fürsorge für andere zu finden, und wie man seine Persönlichkeitsentwicklung durch die Entwicklung von Fähigkeiten und Ansichten im Gegensatz zu seiner eigenen Temperamentart erweitern kann.
Takeaways
- 😐 Die Persönlichkeitsmerkmale Zustimmungsbereitschaft und Unzustimmungsbereitschaft haben tiefgreifende Auswirkungen auf das Leben der Menschen.
- 🙂 Zustimmungsbereite Menschen kennen oft nicht genau, was sie wollen, da sie sich anpassen und den Bedürfnissen anderer orientieren.
- 😠 Unzustimmungsbereite Menschen sind klar über ihre eigenen Wünsche Bescheid und sind entschlossener, sie zu erreichen.
- 🚹🚺 Bei den Extremen der Zustimmungsbereitschaft gibt es Geschlechterunterschiede: Frauen sind tendenziell zustimmungsbereiter, Männer tendenziell unzuständig.
- 🔒 Eine niedrige Zustimmungsbereitschaft ist ein Vorhersagefaktor für das Aufreten in Haft.
- 🤝 Zustimmungsbereite Menschen neigen dazu, den Interessen anderer Vorschub zu leisten, während Unzustimmungsbereite ihre eigenen Interessen stärker vertreten.
- 👶 Zustimmungsbereite Menschen sind anfälliger für Ausbeutung, da sie genetisch darauf eingestellt sind, von Kindern ausbeutet zu werden.
- 💡 In der Psychotherapie werden zustimmungsbereite Menschen oft in Bezug auf Beharrlichkeit trainiert, um ihre eigenen Interessen zu vertreten.
- 🗣️ Es wird empfohlen, zustimmungsbereite Menschen, insbesondere pflichtbewusste, ihre Gedanken offen auszudrücken, auch wenn sie harsch erscheinen mögen.
- 👶👧 Die soziale Anpassung von Kindern ist entscheidend für ihre Entwicklung und die Integration in die Gemeinschaft.
- 👫 Die Wahl eines Partners sollte auf der Grundlage der persönlichen Temperamentvariablen sorgfältig abgewogen werden, um Konflikte zu vermeiden.
Q & A
Was ist das Hauptthema des Skripts?
-Das Hauptthema des Skripts ist die Diskussion über die Persönlichkeitseigenschaften der Zustimmungsfähigkeit und Unzustimmungsfähigkeit, ihre Auswirkungen auf das Leben und wie sie in verschiedenen Lebenssituationen und im Sozialverhalten gezeigt werden.
Was bedeutet es, 'zustimmungsfähig' zu sein?
-Zustimmungsfähig bedeutet, dass eine Person geneigt ist, anderen zu helfen, auf anderes einzugehen und ihre Bedürfnisse zu erfüllen, oft auf Kosten ihrer eigenen Wünsche und Bedürfnisse.
Was sind die möglichen Nachteile der hohen Zustimmungsfähigkeit?
-Hohe Zustimmungsfähigkeit kann dazu führen, dass Personen ihre eigenen Wünsche und Ziele vernachlässigen, sich leicht ausnutzen lassen und Schwierigkeiten haben, Konflikte zu lösen oder ihre eigenen Interessen durchzusetzen.
Wie kann man sich selbst verbessern, wenn man zu zustimmungsfähig ist?
-Menschen, die zu zustimmungsfähig sind, sollten lernen, auf ihre eigenen Bedürfnisse zu achten, ihre Meinung zu äußern und im Interesse ihrer eigenen Wünsche zu verhandeln.
Was ist der Zusammenhang zwischen Unzustimmungsfähigkeit und Kriminalität?
-Die Unzustimmungsfähigkeit kann mit einer geringeren Fähigkeit zur Kooperation und einem höheren Risiko für aggressives Verhalten verbunden sein, was zu einer erhöhten Wahrscheinlichkeit von Kriminalität führen kann.
Wie kann die Unzustimmungsfähigkeit in einer positiven Weise genutzt werden?
-Unzustimmungsfähige Menschen können durch soziale Anpassung und Erziehung dazu gebracht werden, ihre Fähigkeiten zu nutzen, um Ziele zu erreichen, ohne dabei andere zu unterdrücken oder zu belästigen.
Was ist der Zusammenhang zwischen der Entwicklung von Jungen und der Aggressivität?
-Die Aggressivität von Jungen nimmt normalerweise während der Pubertät aufgrund der Testosteronspiegel zu, was zu einer erhöhten Dominanz und Aggressivität führt, die jedoch mit der Entwicklung von Kreativität und Kriminalität korreliert.
Was sind die Vorteile des Austauschs mit Menschen mit entgegengesetzten Ansichten?
-Der Austausch mit Menschen mit entgegengesetzten Ansichten kann helfen, neue Perspektiven zu entdecken, unbekannte Dinge zu lernen und neue Fähigkeiten zu entwickeln, die man sonst nicht hätte.
Wie kann man seine Persönlichkeit verbessern, indem man die Eigenschaften des entgegengesetzten Temperaments erlernt?
-Indem man sich in Situationen begibt, die seine natürliche Neigung herausfordern, oder durch Übungen, die ihn dazu bringen, andere Perspektiven zu sehen und zu handeln, kann man seine Fähigkeiten erweitern und eine breitere Palette von Fähigkeiten entwickeln.
Was sind die möglichen Herausforderungen bei der Wahl eines Partners mit einer ähnlichen oder unterschiedlichen Persönlichkeit?
-Die Wahl eines Partners mit einer ähnlichen Persönlichkeit kann zu einer guten Verständigung führen, aber auch zu einer fehlenden Vielfalt in der Perspektive. Eine Wahl mit einer stark unterschiedlichen Persönlichkeit kann zu Konflikten führen, aber auch zu einer Bereicherung durch unterschiedliche Sichtweisen.
Outlines
😌 Die Herausforderungen höchst entgegenkommender Menschen
Dieses Absatz thematisiert die Schwierigkeiten höchst entgegenkommender Personen, ihre eigenen Wünsche und Ziele zu identifizieren, da sie es gewohnt sind, anderen zu dienen und deren Bedürfnisse zu erfüllen. Es wird betont, dass dies ihre Karriereentwicklung behindern kann. Unterschiede zwischen Männern und Frauen hinsichtlich ihrer Entgegenkommenheit werden aufgezeigt, wobei Frauen tendenziell entgegenkommender sind und Männer tendenziell unentgegenkommner. Die Tendenz zu Konfliktvermeidung bei entgegenkommenden Personen wird diskutiert, da sie Konflikte vermeiden, um die Sicherheit von Säuglingen zu gewährleisten. Die Rolle von Eigenschaftstraining in der Psychotherapeutie wird erwähnt, um entgegenkommende Menschen zu helfen, ihre eigenen Interessen besser zu vertreten.
👶 Sozialisation und die Entwicklung von Aggression
Der zweite Absatz konzentriert sich auf die Bedeutung der frühkindlichen Sozialisation für die Entwicklung von Kindern. Es wird erklärt, wie wichtig es ist, dass Kinder in der Lage sind, grundlegende Verhaltensregeln zu erlernen, um sozial akzeptiert zu werden. Die Folgen einer fehlgeschlagenen Sozialisation, wie die Ablehnung durch andere Kinder und Erwachsene, werden dargelegt. Auch wird die Rolle von Testosteron bei der Aggression von jungen Männern diskutiert, die mit der Kreativitätsspirale übereinstimmt. Der Absatz schließt mit der Bedeutung der Unterschiede zwischen den Geschlechtern in Bezug auf die Verteilung von Entgegenkommenheit und aggressivem Verhalten.
🤝 Entwicklung von gegensätzlichen Persönlichkeitsmerkmalen
In diesem Absatz wird die Notwendigkeit diskutiert, entgegengesetzte Persönlichkeitsmerkmale zu entwickeln, um ein ausgewogenes Leben zu führen. Es wird betont, dass Introvertierte lernen sollten, in der Öffentlichkeit zu sprechen und sich nicht in der Ecke einer Party zu verstecken. Agreeable Menschen sollten lernen, unentgegenkommend zu sein, um nicht von anderen überwältigt zu werden, und umgekehrt. Die Rolle von Gewissensbissen in der Entwicklung von Disziplin wird erwähnt, ebenso wie die Bedeutung, einen Partner zu wählen, der nicht zu sehr von einem eigenen Temperament abweicht, um Konflikte zu vermeiden.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Agreeableness
💡Disagreeableness
💡Assertiveness Training
💡Socialization
💡Personality Traits
💡Compassion and Politeness
💡Dominance and Aggression
💡Parental Responsibility
💡Creativity and Criminality
💡Temperamental Niche
Highlights
Disagreeable individuals tend to know what they want and how to get it, while highly agreeable people often struggle to identify their own desires due to their focus on others.
Agreeableness can be advantageous in certain situations but detrimental when forging a career.
Extremes in agreeableness are more significant than the average, with women being more agreeable and men more disagreeable.
Low agreeableness is a strong predictor of imprisonment, reflecting the importance of this trait in societal outcomes.
Disagreeable people prioritize their own interests in social interactions, whereas agreeable people aim for a balanced approach.
Agreeable individuals are at risk of exploitation due to their natural inclination to prioritize others' needs.
Psychotherapy often addresses issues related to excessive agreeableness through assertiveness training.
Agreeable people should be encouraged to express their true thoughts, even if they may be harsh or unpleasant.
Agreeableness can lead to a reluctance to engage in conflict, which may not be beneficial in the long term.
Socialization is crucial for children's development, with the goal of making them socially desirable by the age of four.
Unsocialized disagreeable children may face peer rejection, leading to long-term antisocial behavior.
Testosterone levels in males influence aggression and dominance, peaking during late adolescence and early adulthood.
The development of predatory aggression in males is linked to testosterone and social factors.
Understanding opposing viewpoints can provide insights and skills that broaden one's perspective.
Disagreeable individuals can benefit from learning to be more agreeable to improve social interactions.
Finding a balance between one's natural temperament and developing complementary skills is key to personal growth.
Choosing a partner with a similar temperament can help avoid conflicts but may lack the benefits of diverse viewpoints.
High and low levels of openness and conscientiousness in couples can lead to significant differences in worldviews and potential conflicts.
Transcripts
if you ask a disagreeable person what
what he wants say or she wants they'll
tell you right away they know it's like
this is what I want and this is how I'm
going to get it but agreeable people
especially if they're really agreeable
are so agreeable that they often don't
even know what they want because they're
so accustomed to living for other people
and to finding out what other people
want and to trying to make them
comfortable and so forth that it's
harder for them to find a sense of their
own desires as they move through life
and that's not
look there's situations where that's
advantageous but it's certainly not
advantageous if you're going to try to
forge yourself a career that just
doesn't work at all and so even though
on average men and women don't just
don't
aren't that much different in terms of
their levels of agreeableness by the
group if you go out and you look at the
extremes they're very different so all
of the most agreeable people are women
and all of the most disagreeable people
are men and the thing is the extremes
are often what matter rather than what's
in the middle and so one of the ways
that's reflected in society by the way
is there's way more men in prison
and the best personality predictor of
being imprisoned is to be low in
agreeableness it makes you call us now
you may think well what's the opposite
of compassion and politeness and the
answer to that is
I think it's best sort of conceptualized
as a as a trading game
so let's say that we're going to play
repeated trading games
and if you're very agreeable then you're
going to bargain harder on my behalf
than you're going to bargain on your own
behalf whereas if you're very
disagreeable you're going to do the
reverse you're going to think
I'm in this trading game for me and
you're going to take care of your own
interests where an agreeable person is
going to say no no at best this is at
worst this has to be 50 50 but I'd like
to help you every way I can one of the
things you have to be careful of if
you're agreeable is not to be exploited
because you'll line up to be exploited
and I think the reason for that is
because you're wired to be exploited by
infants
and so that just doesn't work so well in
that actual world and one of the things
one of the things that happens very
often in Psychotherapy you know people
come to psychotherapy for multiple
reasons but one of them is they often
come because they're too agreeable and
so what they get is so-called
assertiveness training although it's not
exactly assertiveness that's being
trained what it is is the ability to
learn how to negotiate on your own
behalf and one of the things I tell
agreeable people especially if they're
conscientious is
say what you think tell the truth about
what you think there's going to be
things you think that you think are
nasty and harsh and they probably are
nasty and harsh but they're also
probably true and you need to bring
those up to the Forefront and deliver
the message and it's not straightforward
at all because agreeable people do not
like conflict
not at all they smooth the water you
know when you can see you can see why
that is in accordance with the
hypothesis that I've been putting
forward you don't want conflict around
infants it's too damn dangerous you
don't want fights to break out you don't
want anything to disturb the the
relative peace you know and if you're
also more prone to being hurt physically
and perhaps emotionally you also may be
loath to engage in the kind of high
intensity conflict that will solve
problems in the short term because a lot
of conflict it takes a lot of conflict
to solve problems in the short term and
you know if that can spiral up to where
it's dangerous which it can if it gets
uncontrolled it might be safer
in the short term to keep the water
smooth and to not delve into those
situations where conflict emerges the
problem with that is it's not a very
good medium to long-term strategy right
because lots lots of times there are
things you have to talk about because
they're not going to go away and the
advantage to having a well-socialized
disagreeable person is that they really
don't let much get in their way so if
you can get a kid who's disagreeable
socialized that person can be quite
quite the creature you know because
they're very they're very forward moving
in their nature and very difficult to
stop but if you don't get them
successfully domesticated tamed roughly
speaking by the time they're four
their peers reject them and that's a big
problem because your job as a parent is
to make your child socially desirable by
the age of four like you gotta you want
to burn that into your brain because
people don't know that that's your job
and here's here's why you think it's
it's easy if you think about it
carefully so you imagine you've got a
you've got a three-year-old child so
sort of halfway through that initial
period of socialization and you take
that child out in public
okay what do you want for the child who
cares about you what do you want from
the child for the child
you want the child to be able to
interact with other children and adults
so that the children are welcoming and
smile and want to play with him or her
and so the adults are happy to see the
child and treat him or her properly and
if your child's a horrible little
monster because you're afraid of
disciplining them or you don't know how
to do that properly then what they're
going to do is they're going to
experience nothing but rejection from
other children and false smiles from
other parents and adults and that's so
then you're throwing the child out there
into a world where every single face
that they see is either hostile or lying
and that's not something that's going to
be particularly conducive to the mental
health or the well-being of your child
if your child can learn a couple simple
rules of behavior like don't interrupt
adults when they're talking too much and
pay attention and try not to hit the
other kids over the head with the truck
any more than is absolutely necessary
then and you know and share and play
properly then when they meet other kids
the kids are going to try out a few
little play routines on them and that's
going to go well and then they're going
to go off and socialize each other for
the rest of their lives because that's
what happens is that from four years old
onwards the Primary socialization with
children takes place among other
children and so if the kids don't get in
on that early they don't move into that
developmental spiral upwards and they're
left behind and you can imagine how
terrible that is because a four-year-old
will not play with another four-year-old
who's two
but a five-year-old certainly will not
play with a five-year-old who's two
right because the Gap is just starting
to get unbelievably large and so the
kids start out behind and then the peers
leave them behind and then those kids
are alienated and outside the peer group
for the rest of their life
those are the ones that grow up to be
long-term anti-social right they're
already aggressive it doesn't dip down
now what happens to normal boys roughly
speaking imagine the aggressive
two-year-old types they get socialized
so their level of aggression goes down
and then they hit puberty and
testosterone kicks in and bang levels of
aggression go back up and so that's why
males are criminals between the ages
roughly of 16 and about 25. so when it
matches the creativity curve by the way
it's so cool if you look at the spike of
creativity among men 16 to 25 it starts
to go down criminality matches that
absolutely perfectly so that's quite
cool so and part of so the testosterone
levels raise the average level of
aggression among men it's more dominance
than aggression actually and
testosterone is by no means all bad and
then it starts to decrease at about age
25 or 26 which is usually when men stop
staying up late at night stop drinking
as much develop a full-time career and
take on burdens and responsibilities and
opportunities that are associated with a
long-term partner and family
and so
also that's that's the development of of
what I what I would call predatory
aggression because I also think that the
agreeableness distribution is probably
something like predatory aggression
versus maternal sympathy it's something
like that so if you look at other if you
look at other mammals that are that are
predators because we're Predators as
well as prey animals if you look at
other animals like bears
the male bear has absolutely nothing to
do with the raising of the infants in
fact the female Bears will keep the male
the hell away because he's likely to
kill the infants and maybe even to eat
them so there's no maternality at all in
solitary male
mammalian Predators it's really useful
to investigate the viewpoints of people
who have opposing views to yours
because they'll tell you things not only
will they tell you things you don't know
they'll also tell you how to see the
world in ways that you don't see it
and they'll also have skills that you
don't have that you could develop so for
example if you're an introverted person
it's very useful to watch an extroverted
person because the extroverted person
has ways of being in the social world
that aren't natural to you that you can
use this to improve your toolkit and if
you're disagreeable one of the best
things to do with disagreeable people
especially if that's alienating them
from other people for example because it
can you know people treat you like
you're a selfish arrogant son of a maybe
that's because you are it's like okay so
what do you do about that one of the one
of the most promising
treatments let's say for that is get the
person to do something for someone else
once a day just as a practice and learn
how to do it maybe you can wake the
circuit up you know if you think that
it's lying dormant in you which is
probably right you know I think we have
a very wide range of propensities within
us some are switched on
genetic propensity some are switched on
but I think that if you put yourself in
the right situation or walk yourself
through the right exercises you can
switch some of these other things on as
well but it takes work and and
dedication and discipline I would say
generally speaking if you want to adapt
yourself properly to life you should
find a niche in the environment that
corresponds with your temperament
right you shouldn't work at Cross
purposes to your temperament because
it's just too damn difficult but having
done that
then you should work on developing the
the skills and and viewpoints that exist
in the space opposite to your
personality because that's where you're
fundamentally underdeveloped that way I
think you could extend out your
temperamental capability across a wider
range and to me that's roughly
equivalent as bringing a richer toolkit
to each situation
you know so if you're hyper extroverted
you should probably learn to shut up at
parties now and then and listen just to
see what's going on to see if you can
manage it you know and if you're
introverted well then you should learn
how to speak in public and to and to
learn how to go to parties without
hiding in the corner and saying nothing
to anyone you know and if you're
agreeable then you need to learn how to
be disagreeable so people can't push you
around and if you're disagreeable you
learn you need to learn how to be
agreeable so that you're not an evil son
of a bill so and the same thing applies
even in the conscientious domain it's
like if you're too conscientious you
need to learn to relax and let go a
little bit and if you're unconscientious
it's time like
get out the Google Calendar Man and
start scheduling your day right and beat
yourself on the back of the head with a
stick until you're disciplined enough so
that you can actually stick to something
for some length of time and not living
an absolute squalor which is something
that would characterize someone who's
very disorderly for example because they
just they don't notice it doesn't bother
them disorder it's like maybe they can
see it but it doesn't have any emotional
valence and so it doesn't have any
motivational significance you know so
the other thing you might want to think
about too if you're choosing a partner
is try not to choose someone who's too
distant from you on the temperamental
variables because you're going to have a
hard time Bridging the Gap you know it's
hard for an introverted person and an
extroverted person to coexist
and it's really hard for an orderly
person and a disorderly person to
coexist because they will drive each
other nuts why don't you pick up why are
you so obsessed by it that's the basic
argument so so it's useful to know about
your temperament so that you can
negotiate the space with your partner as
well and I don't think you should try to
find someone who's exactly the same as
you because then you don't have the
benefits of the alternative viewpoint
but you got to watch it because you may
hit irreconcilable differences of
various sorts and I've seen that most
particularly among couples who are high
and low in openness that's a rough one
and also high and low and
conscientiousness that's another rough
one because they just cannot see how the
other person sees the world at all
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