How to build trust in seconds | Adrienne Bankert | TEDxReno
Summary
TLDRIn this compelling speech, the speaker shares a personal journey from poverty and adversity to success in broadcast journalism. Emphasizing the power of prompts in conversations, they explain how these cues can build trust, authenticity, and meaningful connections. By discussing empathy, respect, and the art of engaging with others, the speaker highlights the importance of being genuine and curious. Through personal anecdotes and practical advice, the talk inspires listeners to approach new interactions with confidence and compassion, transforming social and professional encounters into impactful, memorable experiences.
Takeaways
- 📚 Overcoming Adversity: The speaker emphasizes the importance of breaking the cycle of poverty and isolation through determination and success in relationships and career.
- 🗣️ Power of Prompting: Prompting is introduced as a technique to initiate meaningful conversations and build trust quickly with anyone.
- 🔍 Defining Prompting: Prompts are defined as questions, statements, gestures, or stories that spark curiosity and set the stage for genuine interaction.
- 💡 Prompt as a Catalyst: Prompts create momentum in conversations, opening doors of opportunity even with those who are hard to win over.
- 🌐 Authenticity through Prompting: Prompts are honest and direct, eliminating superficial chitchat and fostering an atmosphere of authenticity.
- 🤝 Respect and Interest: Prompts are about showing genuine interest and respect for the person being connected with, regardless of their background.
- 🧭 Self-Reflection: Before entering new spaces, it's crucial to assess one's feelings of insecurity or anxiety to prepare for effective prompting.
- 🌟 Affirmations for Confidence: Using affirmations can help internally shift one's perspective and boost confidence in social situations.
- 🛂 Purpose in Prompting: Approaching new spaces with a purpose to give and serve can help identify who to connect with and create meaningful interactions.
- 👂 Reading the Room: Understanding the energy and context of the room and the people in it is essential for effective prompting.
- 🤝 Influence through Empathy: Empathy and respect are key in influencing others and creating an atmosphere of trust and openness.
Q & A
What challenges did the speaker face growing up?
-The speaker faced challenges such as growing up on welfare, being one of the only black children in a predominantly white town, experiencing racism, and dealing with their father's mental illness and their mother's lack of social support.
What was the speaker's definition of success?
-The speaker defined success as having the confidence to approach and talk to anyone, being rich in relationships, and breaking the cycle of isolation.
What is 'prompt engineering' in the context of the speaker's experience?
-In the context of the speaker's experience, 'prompt engineering' refers to the strategic use of questions, statements, gestures, or stories to spark curiosity and initiate meaningful conversations, fostering trust and connection with others.
How does the speaker describe the importance of authenticity in building trust with others?
-The speaker emphasizes that authenticity is crucial in building trust because it eliminates superficial chitchat and allows for genuine connection, which can shift the atmosphere in a room and make people feel welcome and at ease.
What role does empathy play in the speaker's approach to connecting with others?
-Empathy plays a significant role in the speaker's approach as it allows them to imagine the other person's journey, understand their experiences, and show genuine interest in who they are, making the first interaction more meaningful and respectful.
How does the speaker suggest overcoming impostor syndrome when meeting important people?
-The speaker suggests overcoming impostor syndrome by first locating oneself, understanding one's insecurities, and using affirmations to internally shift perspective and approach new spaces with confidence and a mission to serve.
What is the significance of treating everyone with the same level of dignity, according to the speaker?
-According to the speaker, treating everyone with the same level of dignity is significant because it reflects respect for all individuals, regardless of their social status or background, and can lead to meaningful and impactful connections.
How can kindness be used as a prompt to make others feel calm and optimistic?
-Kindness can be used as a prompt by being observant and engaged, showing genuine appreciation for others' experiences, and creating an atmosphere of trust, which can make others feel calm, optimistic, and more willing to share themselves.
What does the speaker mean by 'being on a mission to give and to serve' when entering new spaces?
-By being on a mission to give and serve, the speaker means approaching new spaces with the intention of contributing positively to others, discerning who might need support or connection, and offering that without expecting anything in return.
How does the speaker use the power of imagination to prompt empathy and connection?
-The speaker uses the power of imagination by picturing the other person's journey, considering their struggles and achievements, and using this understanding to show genuine interest and respect, which fosters empathy and connection.
What is the speaker's advice for dealing with anxiety or insecurity in new social settings?
-The speaker advises dealing with anxiety or insecurity by asking oneself reflective questions about feelings of belonging and self-worth, using affirmations to shift perspective, and focusing on serving others to alleviate self-focus.
Outlines
🗣️ Mastering Prompt Engineering in Conversations
The speaker discusses their challenging upbringing and the pivotal decision to break the cycle of isolation. They emphasize the importance of building trust through 'prompt engineering' in conversations, akin to how educators use prompts to facilitate learning. The speaker illustrates how a prompt can initiate meaningful dialogue, eliminate superficial chitchat, and foster authenticity. They also stress the significance of treating everyone with dignity and respect, regardless of their background, and the role of self-affirmation in overcoming insecurities before entering new social spaces. The paragraph concludes with the speaker's personal mission to give and serve when entering new environments, which helps them discern who they should engage with.
🤝 The Power of Empathy and Respect in Influencing Others
This paragraph delves into the concept of using prompts to create an atmosphere of trust and openness. The speaker shares anecdotes from their experiences in broadcast journalism, highlighting the importance of being an active listener and observer. They discuss the influence one can have in their social and professional circles, regardless of their role or status. The speaker also talks about the power of kindness and empathy in making others feel valued and comfortable, using examples from interviews with celebrities like Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper. The paragraph concludes with the idea that empathy and respect are essential not just in personal interactions but also in professional settings, where they can lead to deeper connections and more meaningful conversations.
🛫 Embracing Spontaneity and the Unexpected in Social Interactions
The final paragraph focuses on the idea of being ready for spontaneous moments and the potential they hold for creating memorable connections. The speaker recounts a personal story of a chance encounter on a flight that led to a significant business opportunity, illustrating the importance of being open and adaptable. They advocate for sharing stories that reflect one's values and aspirations, rather than focusing solely on personal achievements. The speaker concludes by encouraging the audience to see closed doors as opportunities for discovery and to use prompts as a tool for innovation in conversation, ultimately becoming a 'breath of fresh air' to others in social settings.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Statistics
💡Isolation
💡Success
💡Prompt Engineering
💡Authenticity
💡Impostor Syndrome
💡Affirmations
💡Empathy
💡Respect
💡Influence
💡Mercy
Highlights
The speaker overcame significant personal and societal challenges to succeed, including growing up in poverty and being part of a racially isolated family.
Success is defined by the speaker as the ability to confidently approach and talk to anyone, emphasizing the importance of relationships.
Prompt engineering is introduced as a concept for initiating and guiding conversations effectively, drawing parallels to its use in AI and education.
A prompt is described as a tool to spark curiosity and create momentum in conversations, opening opportunities even with resistant individuals.
The importance of honesty and directness in prompts is emphasized to eliminate superficial interactions and foster authenticity.
The speaker discusses the impact of their father's mental health struggles and the lesson of treating everyone with dignity, regardless of their social status.
Impostor syndrome is identified as a barrier to effective prompting, suggesting the need for self-assurance before engaging with others.
Affirmations are proposed as a method for internal prompting to shift one's perspective and enhance self-confidence.
The concept of entering new spaces with a purpose to give and serve is presented as a strategy for discerning meaningful connections.
Empathy and respect are highlighted as key components of effective prompting, with the speaker advocating for treating everyone as a genius in the room.
The power of imagination is discussed as a means to empathize with others and foster a deeper interest in their stories.
The speaker recounts a personal anecdote about an unexpected act of kindness that led to a significant professional opportunity.
The importance of being ready to make quick decisions and adapt to spontaneous moments is underscored through a travel story.
Sharing stories of meaningful encounters and community service is suggested as a way to prompt others to open up and connect.
The speaker concludes by encouraging the audience to see closed doors as opportunities and to approach new spaces with a focus on prompting innovation in conversation.
Transcripts
[Music]
[Music]
[Applause]
I never should have made it to this
stage not according to
statistics I'm the oldest of children
raised on welfare my siblings and I were
the only black kids in a town of just
about a thousand people racism poverty
Suicidal Tendencies It's All in the
Family my father struggled with mental
illness my mother had no real friends so
at a very young age I made a conscious
decision that I was not going to repeat
the history and the cycle of
isolation success for me was knowing I
could approach anyone
confident to talk to
anybody success meant being rich in
relationships that determination proved
vital as I pursued a career years later
in broadcast journalism and you know I
found out there's one thing any of us
can do no matter where we come from to
build trust with anybody within seconds
whether we're meeting them at a
networking event or interviewing Dwayne
The Rock Johnson
that one thing is a prompt now we've
heard about prompt engineering as it
relates to artificial intelligence right
we've heard about prompting in chat GPT
Educators have used prompts for years to
cue children and help them learn and
similarly we can prompt engineer
conversations now I'm not talking about
forcing someone to talk or an elevator
pitch this is about being real where
both of you sense that you can relate to
one another a prompt is first a question
a statement a gesture or a story that
pequs Curiosity it's the moment before
the normal interaction of getting to
know someone happens if you look prompt
up in the dictionary it means to move or
excite to action to make things happen
What prompting does is it makes momentum
happen in conversations where a door of
opportunity swings open even with those
who are hardest to win over second
prompt is honest and direct if I may put
it plainly it obliterates all of the
chitchat the obligation and the BS it
could actually trigger authenticity
Shifting the Atmosphere in a room and
third a prompt is all about interest and
a high level of respect for whoever
you're connecting with now I mentioned
my father and his struggle with mental
health he lived poor his whole life but
his father was a successful businessman
my grandmother lived on a golf course at
the ninth hole it was through this that
I learned to treat everyone no matter
where they came from with the same level
of dignity whether they were someone who
my grandparents would have hung out with
at the country club or somebody who was
homeless which is where my father would
end up but I notic that for most of us
when we meet important people we get
insecure or we try to impress them
having impostor syndrome will never
allow you to prompt no matter how well
you've researched someone and so it's
important to first locate ourselves if
we want to be accurate with prompting
before we go into new spaces before we
go into new rooms we have to ask
ourselves do I feel anxious do I feel
like I'm insecure why am I so afraid do
I feel like people are against me in
this room do I feel like I don't belong
the most important question is who do I
want to be when I walk into new rooms
and I find that affirmations can prompt
us internally to shift our perspective
if we say out loud we're in our private
spaces before we walk into public ones
we tell ourselves I am confident all
these people put their pants on one leg
at a time I am kind people enjoy talking
to
me you know it's so important that we
actually pay attention to what we're
saying about
ourselves I said kind for a reason
there's a difference between kind and
nice nice is polite kind is observant
and engaged I want to be the most
observant person in the room
but what if we can't talk ourselves into
confidence surrounding connection we can
prompt oursel with purpose this is my
go-to whenever I enter new spaces I am
on a mission to give and to serve I can
then discern who I'm supposed to talk to
it might be the person who's hanging by
themselves it might be somebody who
looks like they have a hard time and
struggle in networking events I just did
this the other day I was at a luncheon
and a woman appeared a bit nervous I
struck up conversation with her and she
immediately responded with gratitude for
the friendliness knowing we have
something to contribute allows us to
devote a different kind of energy where
we're more willing to speak to people we
do not know you know prompting
essentially it signals to other people
hey I'm open are you open
too yes it's important to read the room
depending upon where you are depending
on if the person is alone or with their
spouse or with colleagues perhaps
they're high energy or subdued all of
that's important but bottom line prompt
helps us relax because it's not about us
it's about making them feel welcome and
at ease we've all heard simple prompts
in action when somebody walks up to us
and says something unpredictable like
man wish they played more Curtis
Mayfield at this
party or perhaps they come up and blurt
out I think these events are awkward you
know I just came up to say hi because I
want to overcome my social
anxiety humor and cander can help us get
attention but to to create an atmosphere
of trust we have to know that we are
influencers and I'm not talking about
the social media
kind we need to know we are important
people in the room one big example of
this because it doesn't matter what your
role is it doesn't matter how much money
you make there's no comparison we
influence people in our circles we
influence people we've just met think
about an administrative
assistant she can influence the whole
entire office he can be someone that
that boss confides in they certainly
influence and
impact now for a lot of people I find
that it's important to build that trust
but it's also important to know we can
use kindness to prompt others and to
make them feel calm to make them feel
optimistic it leads us into spaces where
they're more willing to share
themselves the last time I interviewed
Lady Gaga it was with the cast of Star
is Born and she walked into the room
they were all seated and I could
immediately tell Bradley Cooper was the
head of this pack he had coached Lady
Gaga in acting she had coached him in
singing but she looked to him as a
source of common
expertise so when I asked her when I
heard someone refer to her as Stephanie
would you like to be referred to as
Stephanie during this interview this was
her first major motion picture she said
you can call me Gaga my friends call me
Gaga but then she looked over at Bradley
as if to affirm what she said so I
looked at
Bradley he says in the most stoic way
call her Lady
Gaga I obliged but that one question set
the tone for the whole interview see I
deferred to him in humility I was able
to connect moments later Anthony Ramos
was sharing a story i' asked him about
his High School Drama teacher she had
given him so much in the early stages of
his career
unexpectedly he started crying in the
interview we're all tearing up I find
out later all the publicists are crying
why all of us have been through hard
things whether we were raised poor in
the middle or wealthy we've gone through
struggles that coupled with the fact
that most of us even the extroverts can
be very cautious of meeting new people
levels the playing field making anyone
approachable there are so many people in
this world who have a similar story as
you and me and it's nice to let them
feel that they're not alone my mother
taught me that you can feel alone in the
midst of a crowd and I learned that you
can feel alone even in a designer suit
and with a fancy
title you use empathy you show people
they care that's a prompt but empathy is
thrown around like a hashtag people are
so concerned about saying it they never
explain how to do it here's what I do I
use the power of imagination as I'm
scanning a room and I'm about to
introduce myself to a person or meet
them for the first time and I imagine
what it's like on their Journey just
like I did with Anthony how long did
they have to wait for their big break
how much money and energy did they use
to invest in that new business how many
risks did they take how many times have
you even asked the same dumb
question through that empathy and my
imagination I'm able to then be more
interested in who they are so that when
I open my mouth the first thing I say is
not so
what are you working on or so what do
you
do empathy is an art and so is respect I
define respect as treating someone as
the genius in the
room whoever they are whatever they do
whether it's my dry cleaner or my boss I
was in a meeting once and everyone's
talking and being cordial but the client
I kept turning the conversation back to
the client because they had more
expertise than any of us and one thing I
said to them was what question do you
wish that more people asked
you this is a subtle and nuanced way to
show someone you have genuine
appreciation for their experience
without kissing up another time I was in
front of a
CEO and he was noticeably
tense I said to him you know being a CEO
is one of the hardest jobs on the
planet thank you he said he sensed my
compassion for his position we will grow
in our ability to connect as we grow in
our compassion everybody needs a breath
of fresh air everybody wants more fun
and mercy in their lives and
demonstrating Mercy will allow other
people to be more curious about getting
to know you plus we don't know where
those spontaneous moments of Mercy or
meeting new people can lead I was on a
plane and we were getting ready to go to
Mexico I had a big meeting for work I of
course chatted up the person next to me
yes I'm that person the passenger and I
had a friendly chat and then they
announced overhead our flight would be
delayed we'd miss our connection I
immediately called at the airline and I
said okay I need to get on the next
connection I can't miss this meeting
it's very important the man I just met
leans over and Whispers to me can you
get me on the next flight
too I said sure I love that prompt means
to be ready as an occasion demands to be
quick so much of life is about making
Split Second decisions as I'm on the
phone with customer service the
gentleman Whispering his frequent flyer
number in my
ear we get to
Mexico we are running off the plane I am
heading to security waving my goodbyes I
get there and it's an hour and a half
long wait I'm sweating how am I going to
do this I need to be there in 45 minutes
all of a sudden a tap on the shoulder
the man I'd met on the plane I have
Mexican Global Entry come with me I
FastTrack through that line two people
ahead of us made it to my meeting that
story still inspires me prompts Inspire
when you meet new people you don't have
to talk about yourself share stories
like that share stories of meeting one
in a million people talk about the
communities you serve talk about your
goals for the greater good and you'll
prompt others to do the same that will
make you both meaningful to that person
and memorable that's all we want we want
those one in a million
moments listen a lot of people walk into
new spaces and rooms full of
questions I encourage you to know you
are full of answers closed doors are not
a barrier to you it's a treasure hunt
with keys all around you as you focus on
prompts I promise you you'll see an
innovation in conversation and people
will look at you and say wow you're a
breath of fresh air which is exactly
what we all need right now thank you
[Applause]
[Music]
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