Building a Strong Foundation for your Relationship Through Couples Therapy Ft. Dr Sowmya Reddy|S1E1
Summary
TLDRIn this insightful episode, Dr. Samya Reddy, a counseling psychologist, delves into the world of couples therapy, discussing its benefits for both established and budding relationships. She outlines the common issues couples face, such as conflicts, trust, and financial stress, and emphasizes the importance of addressing childhood attachment issues that may resurface in adult relationships. The conversation explores how therapy can help couples recognize and resolve deep-seated traumas, improve communication, and establish healthy boundaries. Dr. Reddy also offers practical advice on setting expectations for therapy and the role of partners in supporting each other through the healing process.
Takeaways
- 👫 Couples therapy is a form of counseling aimed at resolving conflicts and issues within a relationship, involving two people and focusing on issues like medical, financial, or trust problems.
- 🌱 It is beneficial for both established couples and those just starting out, helping to clarify doubts, identify patterns, and prevent potential issues from escalating in the early stages of a relationship.
- 🤔 Common issues addressed in couples therapy include fights, interference from extended family members, financial stress, trust issues, fidelity concerns, and sexual problems.
- 🔍 Signs of attachment issues stemming from childhood affecting a marriage can include insecurities, anxieties, trust issues, and a fear of abandonment, which can be recognized when these feelings persist without a clear cause.
- 😢 Trauma from childhood or past experiences can indeed resurface in adulthood, affecting an individual's ability to trust and form secure attachments in romantic relationships.
- 👩⚕️ Couples therapy can assist in addressing and resolving trauma-related issues by identifying patterns of insecure attachment and providing strategies for partners to reassure and support each other.
- 📝 The therapy process involves initial sessions to understand the issues, followed by activities, tests, and homework to help couples navigate their problems and build stronger relationships.
- 👥 Specific therapy techniques such as CPTs (Corrective Pattern Therapies) and the 'safe house' technique are used to help couples establish healthy communication and boundaries.
- 💬 The 'Love Languages' technique is highlighted as particularly effective in resolving conflicts by understanding and catering to each partner's unique love language.
- 🚧 Setting healthy boundaries is crucial in couples therapy to prevent overstepping and to ensure that each partner respects the other's emotional needs and personal space.
- 🤝 Couples can support each other through the healing process by understanding and addressing their own issues, providing reassurance, and creating a supportive environment for growth and healing.
Q & A
What is the primary purpose of couples therapy?
-Couples therapy is a form of counseling primarily aimed at conflict resolution and addressing various issues such as medical, relationship, and financial concerns that the couple is unable to resolve on their own or with the involvement of their family.
Can couples therapy be beneficial for couples who are not yet married?
-Yes, couples therapy can be beneficial for those who are just starting their relationship. It helps in clarifying doubts, identifying patterns, and resolving issues early on to strengthen the relationship.
What are some common issues that couples bring to therapy?
-Common issues include frequent fights, conflicts with extended family members, financial problems, trust issues, fidelity concerns, and sexual issues.
How can childhood attachment issues affect a marriage?
-Childhood attachment issues can lead to insecurities, anxieties, trust issues, and a constant fear of abandonment in a marriage, which can create distress and affect the relationship negatively.
Can unresolved trauma from childhood be triggered in adulthood?
-Yes, unresolved trauma from childhood can be triggered in adulthood, especially during times of stress or when faced with similar situations that evoke past distress.
How can couples therapy help address trauma-related issues in a relationship?
-Couples therapy can help by identifying trauma-related issues, providing reassurance, and offering strategies to manage insecurities and fears. It can also involve exploring childhood experiences to understand their impact on current behaviors.
What can couples expect from a couples therapy session?
-Couples can expect to discuss their issues, participate in activities and exercises, and receive homework to practice skills between sessions. The duration and number of sessions can vary based on the couple's needs.
Are there specific therapy techniques used in couples therapy to address attachment issues?
-Techniques such as CPTs (Corrective Pattern Therapies) for unresolved attachment issues and the 'safe house' technique for creating a sense of safety in the relationship are used.
How can couples set healthy boundaries around unresolved trauma?
-Couples can set healthy boundaries by understanding and respecting each other's comfort levels, avoiding overstepping each other's limits, and communicating clearly about what is acceptable and what is not.
What role can the non-traumatized partner play in the healing process?
-The non-traumatized partner can provide reassurance, support, and understanding, helping to create a safe environment for the traumatized partner to heal. However, it's also important for the traumatized partner to engage in self-healing.
Can unresolved trauma in parents impact their children?
-Yes, unresolved trauma in parents can impact their children, especially in how they bond and interact with them. Children may perceive a lack of love or abandonment if the parents are unable to provide consistent care due to their own trauma.
Outlines
👩❤️👨 Introduction to Couples Therapy
In the first paragraph, the host introduces Dr. Samya Reddy, a counseling psychologist with extensive experience in couples therapy. The discussion revolves around the purpose of couples therapy, which is to resolve conflicts and issues within a relationship, including medical, financial, and trust issues. Dr. Reddy clarifies that therapy is not only for married couples but also for those starting relationships to prevent future issues. Common problems addressed in therapy are highlighted, such as fights, financial issues, trust, fidelity, and sexual issues.
🔗 Understanding Attachment and Childhood Issues in Relationships
The second paragraph delves into how childhood attachment issues can affect a marriage. Signs of attachment issues are discussed, such as insecurities, anxieties, and trust problems stemming from unresolved childhood traumas. The paragraph explains how trauma can manifest in adulthood and impact current relationships, leading to a cycle of fear and mistrust. The role of therapy in identifying and addressing these deep-seated issues is emphasized.
🤝 How Couples Therapy Addresses Trauma and Insecurities
This paragraph focuses on the therapeutic approach to dealing with trauma and insecurities in couples. The discussion includes how therapy helps couples recognize and understand the impact of childhood experiences on their current relationships. Techniques such as the CPT (Corrective Pattern Technique) and the use of 'Love Languages' are mentioned as effective methods to resolve conflicts and build trust. The importance of reassurance and support within the relationship is also highlighted.
🛡️ Setting Healthy Boundaries in Relationships
The fourth paragraph discusses the importance of setting healthy boundaries in relationships to manage unresolved trauma and attachment issues. It explains how a lack of boundaries can lead to overstepping and emotional distress. The paragraph outlines the process of establishing boundaries, including identifying personal comfort levels and respecting the other person's limits. The role of therapy in guiding couples to create and maintain these boundaries is emphasized.
👨👩👧👦 Supporting Each Other Through Healing
In the final paragraph, the conversation turns to how couples can support each other in the healing process. The importance of self-healing and the role of the partner in providing reassurance and support are discussed. The paragraph also touches on the potential impact of unresolved trauma on children and the family dynamic. The host concludes the interview by emphasizing the importance of seeking therapy to overcome relationship challenges and personal traumas.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Couples Therapy
💡Conflict Resolution
💡Insecurities
💡Trust Issues
💡Attachment Issues
💡Trauma
💡Fidelity
💡Communication
💡Boundaries
💡Healing Process
💡Love Languages
Highlights
Couples therapy is a form of counseling for conflict resolution and various issues within a relationship.
Dr. Samya Reddy has over eight years of experience with over 50 couples and 100 plus clients.
Couples therapy is not only for married couples but also for those starting their relationships.
Common issues addressed in therapy include fights, financial problems, trust issues, fidelity concerns, and sexual issues.
Signs of childhood attachment issues affecting a marriage include insecurities, anxieties, and trust issues.
Trauma from childhood can be triggered later in life, affecting romantic relationships.
Couples therapy helps partners address and resolve trauma by identifying and working through attachment issues.
Therapy sessions involve hearing out issues, giving activities, tests, homework, and monitoring progress.
Specific therapy techniques like CPTs and the 'safe house' technique are used to work through issues.
The importance of identifying love languages to resolve conflicts in a relationship.
Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for couples dealing with unresolved trauma.
Couples can support each other through the healing process by understanding and reassurance.
Unresolved traumas in parents can impact the attachment and bonding with their children.
The importance of not isolating oneself and seeking help for abandonment issues and trust problems.
The role of the other partner in the healing process and the need for self-healing as well.
Couples therapy can also address unprocessed trauma from the loss of a loved one.
The necessity of medication in severe cases of mental health issues alongside therapy.
The tailor-made approach to setting boundaries and support mechanisms for each couple.
Transcripts
foreign
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
and today we are talking about couples
therapy so whether you're already in the
relationship of thinking of starting
well this episode is for you joining us
today is Dr samya Reddy Godzilla a
counseling psychologist from Hyderabad
with over eight years of experience in
this field she has held on 50 plus
couples with 100 plus clients so without
any further Ado let's get right into it
hi Dr samya thank you so much for
joining me how are you doing today
we will thank you
so I'm good as well thank you so much
for asking
question that what is couples therapy
so couples
is a form of counseling mostly for
conflict resolutions issues of any kind
that we resolve it's basic form of
country but it involves two people
that's
so we focus on resolving the issues it
will be medical issues relationship
issues Financial issues
is where did not know how to resolve the
issues for themselves or there is
extreme family involved also most of the
times did not find solution to the
problem or they do not know how to
resolve it and that is
so can people who are not married
they're just starting their relationship
can also can they also take couples
therapy yes definitely see it's
constantly right it is mostly sometimes
it is clarifying for the doubts and
issues also identifying three patterns
in their relationship also if they are
having few fights upon them initial
stages of relationships
want to avoid any of those things and
their relationship also how much
stronger we do see those videos
awesome so what are the common issues
that couples that come to you bring to
the table
couples that combinations the basic ones
would be fights that they are having
orals extended family members if they're
married there's Financial issues and
this comes the complicated One Trust
Issues if there is then Fidelity
involved on those things right sexual
issues everything hard like the
communicate simple to complicated ones
various things do come to us
so
what are some signs that attachment
issues to Childhood or affecting a
marriage and you know how do couples
recognize that they may need therapy to
address these issues
so when we see that there are
insecurities in the world there are
anxieties that are involved because
Central insecurity
trust issues are there when there is no
history of unique equivalent credilities
but still there's a lot of insecurity
involved losing one part out of fear
there are models that they are
predicting things
[Music]
themselves feelings and stressed but
then we know that we're happy and
of the relationship
so because you talked about trauma I
would like to ask that you know if they
say the trauma sticks with you so say
for example somebody who is 13 and
something terrible happened to him right
so can that drama be triggered when he
turns 39
yes it came see trauma is a discomfort a
distress situation or evidence of
situations like in a series of
situations which have caused you several
distressed pain sadness
or fear too sometimes if you have
witnessed something in the childhood
they are this is called Drama so trauma
can be acute one event or could be
continuing images so that you have been
experiencing for so long also like so
when things have happened inside
you haven't processed it well see if you
what happens this it creates a sense of
withdrawal from your surroundings that's
covered crowd of trust issues that sit
on you that you know you know you don't
feel like trusting because you are
experiencing that something can happen
you're predicting it there is a
possibility
Fusion as well so that we see them
it will be romantic relationships in
future this directly proportionally it
comes and shows up here
and properly comes
from
it's not what couples tell me now how
can couples therapy help you know help
Partners address and resolve dramas
so when a couple comes with stronger
related issues or if they haven't
identified that there is a neutroma but
they have to go early and the resistance
all these things happen
foreign your Channel and check
attachment is
where they are
when we see that they are showing up in
secured attachment
there is a third attachment of where is
insecure attachment s
deserve an instrument as well now when
we see that they are falling in insecure
attachment
actually that something has happened
with your childhood or even if it has
not happened they have perceived their
childhood tattoo sometimes they say that
nothing has happened but I felt unloved
by myself I felt as an unwanted child
but I I felt that nobody loves me at all
but it would show up that much as when
it shows up when you have gotten married
or
something pops up because it becomes who
you are in your inner voice and your
inner child who's always feeling that
I'm not laughing now
don't really loves me that much as
yourself I am giving you Deli
this is like the perception they have
right now that show some humor then the
hospital devices I actually love you and
I'm there for you but you can sleep
as well
we give instructions and tips to the
other department involved how to
reassure them when needed because
suddenly one morning they wake up and
say that are you going to abandon me I
feel like me and I constantly have this
and it is not just a casual doubt that
every wife asks or every husband asks
right that's most of them ask your
relationship
inside
the abandonment feeling which is very
scary for them and very distressful for
them to go through it as well so when
that constantly pops up they reassure
them they don't know about they are sure
they feel it is on them that they their
comforts
if my husband asked the wife saying I
think you're going to leave me because
of some other person or nobody but I
just feel they also feel that world
right okay so my husband or my wife has
trust issues
that's where these fights happening to
be tell them that they need help and
these are the ways that to be assured
they will get better they will come out
of this attachment we would help them
apart you have to hold on to this
situation for a little bit more time
reassure that be there verbally tell me
because it will be sure
and in single sessions we go back to
childhood
foreign
stop yourself there think in analyze is
it true as it has happened before
if your partner giving you your
apartment if there is
how please
so what I would like to ask is like is a
therapy the answer to every kind of
unresolved Karma say for example
somebody suffered from the loss of a
paragraph This is also an unprocessed
trauma so uh you know does couples
therapy resolve this kind of from as
well yes because
you have lost your loved one so it is
it should show somewhere else because it
is showing you no relationship most of
the times not all need their video If
you are going through a lot of apparents
most often your other partner can also
help you come out of it your friends
also can help you come out
come out all Races have your processes
also help but when these things are not
working at all
that is
if all these patterns are of course in
severe other mental health illnesses too
which are very severe if you get they're
going to depression anxiety any other
things okay then
medications also come into place
where we suggested because here
sometimes it has gone out of this
proportion where this will be a negative
thoughts are there or the person suicide
that as well medications
so what can they exactly expect from a
session like how long should they take
couples therapy
so any session you would say would be
more than
applications
the couple sessions that being said and
this session usually happens there is
not recommendable count or an organizing
number this is not a very ongoing thing
unless needed so initially when wake up
we'll be hear out the issues we see the
complaints what are they facing gives
certain activities and that's all the
tests and give homeworks and then slowly
people could one-on-one as well and
start like I said the heal if they have
any issues close it up and what are they
currently facing you give the avoidance
first he stopped when initially a little
bit
avoid the things that are hurting them
say slowly what to do also first what
you want to do then what to do and how
they are going it's mostly after few
sessions it's just monitoring like you
know so how have you been doing this
week are you doing this this is it
continues some cases no matter what we
do the issues
and sometimes if your issues are so
serial and and you're not ready to
convenient even after trials there is
so are there any specific therapy
techniques that you use to work through
these issues in a couple's therapy
setting
these settings as in uh we go through
cpts if there is unresolved attachment
to the issues from poor childhood and
hands aren't available at this point you
know the single child technique you do
just all the technique where it is
so these are the pattern techniques that
we usually use but otherwise The Next
Step will be like I said
save cups techniques that you do that
helps conserving onions mostly
governments Love Languages
[Music]
which one is yours we identify that and
then he gets a help thank
is
[Music]
so this weighs also 50 of the conflicts
will be resolved by this because what
you want to do is different from what
you are doing
something that also helps
so is it anything like uh you know a
more effective technique
now languages have been proven very
effective the safe house because
it is like you know what are you doing
to keep your hands very much safe this
has proven the most effective one in
your federal Solutions and when we talk
about healthy boundaries so how can
couples set healthy boundaries around
unresolved trauma elevation
what happens is the sense of Abandonment
and the predictions of worst happenings
always kneel to them with drama from
reality
and kind of that kind of stuck to the
boundaries and going to the other person
and make things
certified
it kind of oversteps the boundary of the
other person's and they do not have
their own boundaries too
[Music]
so we created
the saying that
and that's imagine there was a virtual
boundary there it will work and what not
you should share or you should expect
function take your instructional student
a
ID which one's around these it is
mostly tailor-made for each person as
well what do you feel comfortable
sharing the what do you feel come
uncomfortable to do that is when you
drop only things
okay
the other person is uncomfortable doing
this then don't do don't believe about
it
is
so does setting heavy boundaries help
definitely it helps because it's not it
is giving the
thing that is also giving you your
s and all of those with it so
technically that setting boundaries is
one of those important tasks it again
Falls in what to do what not to lose in
the immediate first two sessions only we
start doing all these things
and the last question I have is like how
can couples support each other through
the healing process I think this is the
most important question
so then
the relationship we mostly label your
department to heal this person because
the other partner is somebody that can
act Ive if there is a vacuum a
chieve that's been created to trauma but
that has to be
able to end the other partner assembly
believe 50 percent of it the other 50
should be done by the self what are the
calculators which the initially so then
we give them tips and help that you know
you have to do these things whenever she
or he feels
it this could be another way it felt
like okay so she or he has issues while
my field
because this is initial damage controls
to give self-assurance to the other
person confidence to the other person
that you're not going to leave you are
going to be there and support her only
when you love enough so this is direct
process where we create a kind of
confidence there so this other problem
plays a major role in destination phase
until the beginning and ended against
how to support it
because again how to support mechanism
is made for each one right we give the
instructions these are the things that I
will continue to do when the situation
happens this way every time in front of
the partner is also anything else you
want them to do when you're feeling busy
sometimes they themselves they you know
when he or she says this to me when I'm
crying because
we hold on to them again we depend on
them
so if the mother is a trauma say for
example so does it manifest in future on
the child that can happen
so unresolved traumas if the mother is
having
spent in the Train sometimes it does get
impacted not always the effect how much
it has on your marriage
[Music]
but how do you are creating the
attachment for your child
it impacts the
in case if the drama is severe how you
are bonding with your child have your
shoes
that gets impacted that is how this
person is
isn't it from the parents so most often
sometimes if they are unresolved it
passes
[Music]
for your child when needed you might
love them but at that instances you
might not be there because you are
suffering a lot inside you might be
going through divorce you won't be going
through it so your traumas which are
under the normal people are lost in your
own mind the child perceives it as not
being loud enough abandonment neglect
these are their normal tissues again so
often we see there is
holding a child and that child is
left
sense
to pass they don't realize the oh from
there I started thinking
anything else that you would like to add
to a discussion so what I would like to
add is done just having the feelings of
Abandonment very severely trust issues
all of your best friendship people
around you rather than with joining
ourselves from the surroundings it
isolated or cutting off all these people
from your life
get out rather than happiness
because there is an issue sitting there
that's why you're constantly feeling
that everybody around you is not making
your growing up
because it's not that
many of them is never like that so
you're eating these patterns and relief
partners of yours that you abandoning
them very quickly within few you know
I would say situations or a few months
into the relationship
also started feeling
within many days in many relationships
that's when you say
get into therapy so you will come over
because it's distance for demons
foreign
[Music]
thank you so much thank you so much for
being a part of the show it was a
pleasure having you thank you thank you
for giving me the opportunity thank you
okay
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