How to Win Friends and Influence People (EVERY PRINCIPLE)

Summary

This Skillshare class explores Dale Carnegie's timeless strategies from 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' to enhance social skills and leadership. It covers principles like avoiding criticism, showing appreciation, and empathizing with others to build positive relationships. The course offers actionable advice for better communication, influencing others, and becoming an effective leader, all aimed at enriching one's social life and personal growth.

Takeaways

• 📚 The class focuses on 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' by Dale Carnegie, emphasizing the importance of social skills in personal development.
• 🌟 Carnegie suggests having a deep desire to learn and improve social skills, highlighting the significance of these principles for a richer social life.
• 🤝 The first principle for handling people is to avoid criticizing, condemning, or complaining, as it requires character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.
• 👍 The second principle encourages giving honest and sincere appreciation to nourish others' self-esteem, which can lead to better work and greater effort.
• 🔑 The third principle is about arousing in others an 'ego want', meaning understanding and appealing to the desires and interests of others to motivate them.
• 🌱 The fourth principle for making people like you is to become genuinely interested in others, which can lead to deeper connections and learning opportunities.
• 😊 Smiling is the second principle to make people like you, as it can positively affect how others perceive you and can start a cycle of positivity.
• 🗣️ Remembering a person's name is crucial, as it is the sweetest sound to them, and using it shows that you value and respect them.
• 👂 Being a good listener and encouraging others to talk about themselves is a powerful way to make people feel important and liked.
• 💡 Talking in terms of the other person's interests helps to build rapport and ensures that conversations are engaging and meaningful.
• 🏅 Making people feel important and appreciated is key to building strong relationships and fostering a sense of community.

Q & A

What is the main book discussed in the video script?

The main book discussed in the video script is 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' by Dale Carnegie.

What is the 'magic requirement' Dale Carnegie suggests for getting the most out of his book?

The 'magic requirement' Dale Carnegie suggests is having a deep, driving desire to learn with a vigorous determination to improve your social skills.

What exercise is suggested in the script to visualize the improvement of social skills?

The exercise suggested is to imagine meeting a new person, visualize the conversation, and how by improving social skills, you can make that person feel appreciated and important.

According to the script, why is it important to avoid criticizing, condemning, or complaining?

It is important to avoid criticizing, condemning, or complaining because it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving, and it helps in becoming a kinder and more empathetic person.

What is the significance of giving honest and sincere appreciation according to the script?

Giving honest and sincere appreciation is significant because it nourishes people's self-esteem, encourages them to do better, and makes them feel valued for their efforts.

Why is it beneficial to arouse in the other person an 'ego want' as mentioned in the script?

It is beneficial to arouse an 'ego want' because it motivates the other person and makes them want to fulfill their desires, which can be used to persuade them effectively.

What is the first principle of the 'six ways to make people like you' as per the script?

The first principle is to become genuinely interested in other people, which can help in making more friends and deepening conversations.

How does the script suggest using the principle of smiling to improve social interactions?

The script suggests using the principle of smiling to improve social interactions by forcing a smile initially, which can start a positive feedback loop, making others smile back and creating a more pleasant environment.

What advice does the script give on remembering a person's name and its importance?

The script advises remembering a person's name because it is the sweetest sound to them and using it in conversation pays a subtle compliment, making them feel more connected and important.

How can one implement the principle of being a good listener according to the script?

One can implement the principle of being a good listener by asking more questions, encouraging others to talk about themselves and their accomplishments, and genuinely being interested in what they have to say.

What is the key takeaway from the script regarding the importance of social skills and leadership principles?

The key takeaway is that social skills and leadership principles, as outlined in Dale Carnegie's book, are crucial for effective communication, building relationships, and influencing behavior positively.

Outlines

00:00

📚 Introduction to Social Skills Mastery

The video script introduces a course based on Dale Carnegie's book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People,' aiming to enhance social skills. It emphasizes the importance of having a genuine desire to learn and improve. The course covers 30 principles for social success, encouraging viewers to imagine improving their social skills to make others feel appreciated and important. The script suggests different ways to engage with the course content for maximum benefit, such as binge-watching or spaced repetition, and to actively apply the principles in real-life situations.

05:00

🌟 The Power of Positive Reinforcement

This paragraph discusses the significance of offering honest and sincere appreciation to others, as it nourishes their self-esteem and motivates them to perform better. The speaker shares a personal anecdote about expressing gratitude to his mother and the positive impact it had. The text highlights the importance of leaving a trail of gratitude in daily life, spreading positivity, and making people feel valued. It also touches on the third principle of handling people: arousing in others an 'ego want,' which involves understanding their desires and motivating them to take action.

10:00

🤝 Techniques for Building Rapport

The script delves into the techniques for making people like you, starting with showing genuine interest in others. It references psychologist Alfred Adler's view on the importance of being interested in fellow humans. The second principle is to smile, as it reflects happiness and can improve one's mood and the mood of others. The third principle is remembering names, which is considered sweetest to the individual and a subtle compliment. Lastly, being a good listener and encouraging others to talk about themselves is highlighted as a way to make people feel important and build stronger connections.

15:01

🌱 Encouraging Personal Growth and Understanding

The focus shifts to the importance of understanding others' interests and making them feel important, as outlined in the fourth and fifth principles. The text suggests doing research to find common interests and using this knowledge to connect with people. It also emphasizes the value of making others feel recognized and appreciated for their contributions. The sixth principle advises avoiding arguments, as they often result in a lose-lose situation, and instead finding better ways to influence people's thinking.

20:01

🏆 The Art of Persuasion and Agreement

This section introduces principles for winning people over to one's way of thinking, starting with avoiding direct confrontation and showing respect for others' opinions. It suggests admitting one's own mistakes before pointing out others', and using a friendly approach to foster a more receptive environment. The principle of getting a 'yes' response immediately is discussed, as is the importance of letting the other person do most of the talking to understand their perspective better.

25:02

🤔 Strategies for Effective Communication

The paragraph discusses the importance of letting the other person feel that the idea is theirs, the value of seeing things from their point of view, and the need for sympathy towards their ideas and desires. It emphasizes the power of appealing to people's nobler motives and the impact of dramatizing ideas to make them more vivid and memorable. The text also mentions the effectiveness of challenges in driving people to action and excel.

30:04

🏅 Principles of Leadership and Motivation

The script outlines principles for effective leadership, beginning with the importance of praise and honest appreciation. It advises against direct criticism, instead suggesting indirect methods to highlight mistakes. The text encourages leaders to admit their own mistakes, ask questions rather than give orders, and let the person save face. The power of praise for every improvement and the use of encouragement to make faults seem easy to correct are also covered.

35:05

🌟 Final Thoughts on Leadership and Influence

In the concluding paragraph, the speaker reflects on the impact of the principles discussed and encourages viewers to share the knowledge with others. The text emphasizes the value of social skills in personal and professional life and suggests revisiting the course to reinforce learning. It also invites viewers to support the speaker's side project focused on improving young men's physical and mental health through his YouTube channel.

Keywords

💡Social Skills

Social skills refer to the ability to interact effectively with others. In the video, it is the central theme, focusing on improving these skills by learning principles from Dale Carnegie's book. The script emphasizes the importance of social skills in making friends, influencing people, and enhancing personal relationships.

💡Empathy

Empathy is the capacity to understand and share the feelings of others. The video discusses it as a vital component of social success, highlighting the need to become a more empathetic listener. It is exemplified in the script through the advice to imagine conversations that make others feel appreciated and important.

💡Appreciation

Appreciation in this context is the act of recognizing and expressing gratitude for the efforts and qualities of others. The script mentions the power of honest and sincere appreciation to motivate people and make them feel valued, referencing Charles Schwab's approach to employee encouragement.

💡Ego

Ego, as discussed in the video, represents the self-esteem and self-importance of an individual. The principle of arousing 'an ego wants' suggests that understanding and appealing to someone's desires can be an effective way to persuade them. It is tied to the idea of self-interest in influencing behavior.

💡Interest

The concept of 'Interest' in the script relates to taking a genuine interest in other people's lives and stories. It is presented as a method for making friends and deepening relationships. The video emphasizes that showing interest in others can lead to more profound and meaningful connections.

💡Smile

Smile is highlighted as a simple yet powerful tool for improving social interactions. The script explains that smiling not only makes others feel more connected but also has a positive feedback loop that can genuinely make the person smiling feel happier.

💡Names

The importance of remembering and using people's names is emphasized in the script as a way to make individuals feel important and valued. It is mentioned that using someone's name in conversation can create a sense of connection and pay a subtle compliment.

💡Listening

Listening is portrayed as a key social skill in the video, with the script advocating for being an attentive listener to foster interesting conversations. It suggests that people enjoy talking about themselves and will appreciate someone who can engage them in such discussions.

💡Arguments

Arguments are discussed in the context of being counterproductive to winning people over. The script advises avoiding arguments altogether as they often lead to a lose-lose situation, instead promoting understanding and agreement through other principles.

💡Respect

Respect for others' opinions is a recurring theme in the video, with the script suggesting that one should never outright say someone is wrong. It is used to illustrate the importance of maintaining a respectful dialogue, even when disagreeing, to prevent alienating others.

💡Leadership

Leadership principles from the book are explored in the script, focusing on how to effectively guide and influence others. The video touches on various techniques such as starting with praise, asking questions instead of giving orders, and letting others save face, all aimed at enhancing one's leadership abilities.

Highlights

The course covers principles from Dale Carnegie's 'How to Win Friends and Influence People', aiming to improve social skills and interpersonal relationships.

Dale Carnegie emphasizes the importance of having a genuine desire to learn and improve social skills for getting the most out of the book.

An exercise to visualize improved social skills in action, highlighting the positive impact on new acquaintances.

Principle one: Avoid criticizing, condemning, or complaining to foster understanding and forgiveness.

Principle two: Give honest and sincere appreciation to nourish self-esteem and motivate better performance.

Principle three: Arouse in the other person an eager want by understanding their perspective and desires.

Six ways to make people like you, starting with becoming genuinely interested in others.

Smiling can significantly impact interactions, even if it's forced initially, as it can start a positive feedback loop.

Remembering a person's name is a powerful way to make them feel important and valued.

Being a good listener and encouraging others to talk about themselves builds deeper connections.

Principle five: Talk in terms of the other person's interests to engage them in conversation and build rapport.

Principle six: Make the other person feel important sincerely, acknowledging their contributions and efforts.

Winning an argument is impossible because it often leads to resentment; it's better to avoid arguments altogether.

Show respect for the other person's opinions and never outright say they are wrong to maintain a respectful dialogue.

Admitting when you are wrong quickly and empathetically can help to resolve conflicts and maintain respect.

Begin in a friendly way and show appreciation to make people more open to changing their minds.

Get the other person saying 'yes' immediately to create a positive environment for discussion and agreement.

Let the other person do a great deal of the talking to understand their viewpoint and make them feel heard.

Make the other person feel that the idea is theirs by subtly guiding them to the conclusion you desire.

Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view to build empathy and understanding.

Be sympathetic to the other person's ideas and desires to build rapport and trust.

Appeal to their nobler motives to inspire positive behavior change and a sense of higher purpose.

Dramatize your ideas to make them more memorable and impactful.

Throw down a challenge to stimulate competition and motivate action towards a goal.

Begin with praise and honest appreciation to set a positive tone before suggesting improvements.

Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly to avoid causing resentment and to encourage self-reflection.

Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing others to demonstrate empathy and humanize leadership.

Ask questions instead of giving direct orders to stimulate creativity and a sense of involvement.

Let the other person save face to maintain their dignity and encourage a positive attitude towards improvement.

Phrase the slightest improvement and praise every improvement to reinforce positive behaviors.

Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to by highlighting their potential and setting high expectations.

Use encouragement and make the fault seem easy to correct to instill a growth mindset and motivate effort.

Make the other person happy about doing the things that you suggest by creating incentives for immediate gratification.

Transcripts

for this skill of share class we'll be

going over the principles outlined in

this fantastic book How to Win Friends

and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

whether you've read the book already or

you've yet to learn the fundamental

social skills this skillshare class is

packed full of value and actionable

steps that'll have you making friends

faster and easier than ever you'll

improve your coaching and mentoring

skills whilst becoming a better

Entertainer and more empathetic listener

there's something for everyone in this

class we'll be going over the 30

principles of social success before we

start Dale Carnegie himself said that

there is one magic requirement to get

the most out of this book that is a deep

driving desire to learn with a vigorous

determination to improve your social

skills He suggests to constantly remind

yourself of how important these

principles are and how much you would

like a richer social life so here's a

quick exercise imagine meeting a new

person imagine this person in your head

what they would look like what they

would sound like now imagine that you

had put in some work and effort to

increase your social skills so that you

could better manage a conversation with

this new person that you're meeting

you're having a conversation with this

person that makes them feel appreciated

and important this makes that person

feel grateful for you they would be so

glad they met you because you have taken

the time to invest to level up your

social skills your conversation with

this person would genuinely make them

feel good about themselves that's

amazing we're spreading positivity here

by learning the principles from this

book so well done for taking the first

step in improving your social skills

let's start right away with the first

chapter fundamental techniques in

handling people principle one never

criticize condemn or complain Carnegie

says that the best way to get the most

out of this book is to reach each

chapter rapidly at first and then go

back and reread each chapter thoroughly

so taking that advice into account

there's different ways that you can

watch this class to most benefit your so

social skills you could binge watch all

of the lectures for the next hour or so

just to get an understanding of what

we're talking about here and then slowly

over the next month or so you could

watch one or two lectures a day and then

you completely Focus your intention on

actively trying those principles that

you just learned Carnegie says to stop

frequently and to ask yourself how you

could realistically use this principle

that you're currently learning in your

real life social interactions so as

you're watching this class consider just

pausing the video and taking a minute or

two to genuinely think about the people

the times the environments that you

could use these principles I hope this

skillshare class will be a source of

information and value that you can just

keep re-watching to just further

solidify these principles into your mind

and with that said let's begin with

principle one

principle one of the fundamental

techniques in handling people is to

never criticize condemn or complain

Carnegie says any fool can criticize

condemn and complain and most fools do

but it takes character and self-control

to be understanding and forgiving he

mentions Abraham Lincoln's saying judge

not that ye be not judged Lincoln had a

whole lot of reasons to judge other

people yet he never did he said don't

criticize them they are just what we

would be under similar circumstances and

that makes sense if all of the

circumstances like the lifelong history

the thought processes and the

environmental factors were all the same

you must have acted in the same way as

them so we can't criticize someone for

doing something we would do if we were

in the exact 100 same situation as them

this principle may actually be quite

difficult to implement because it's

actually much easier to be negative to

someone who has messed up it's harder

but therefore better for us to hold our

judgments back and try our best to

understand why they do what they do

following this principle will turn you

into a more kind person is the challenge

of being kind not exactly at this moment

when our natural instinct linked is to

criticize so keep this new mentality of

not criticizing condemning or

complaining about someone and you'll

find that you become a more kind

empathetic person

principle two of the fundamental

techniques in handling people is to give

honest and sincere appreciation Carnegie

says we nourish the bodies of our

children and friends and employees but

how seldom do we nourish their

self-esteem we neglect to give them kind

words of appreciation that would sing in

their memories for years like the music

of the morning Stars he mentions Charles

Schwab president of the United States

Steel company in 1921 who said I have

yet to find the person who did not do

better work and put forth greater effort

under a spirit of approval than he would

ever do under a spirit of criticism

humans learn through positive

reinforcement we know that to be true

through countless psychological studies

if you want someone to be happy behaving

in a certain way encourage that behavior

through honest appreciation tell them

and show them that you are grateful for

what they are doing this is going to

make me sound like a bad person but I

never used to say thank you to my mum

after she would make me eat breakfast I

recently started saying thanks and

complimented her on how well she cooks

fried eggs and she just seems to enjoy

it more and it certainly made her smile

all of our Associates be that workers in

shops factories or families and friends

are human beings and they all have a

hunger for appreciation Carnegie

suggests to leave a friendly trail of

little Sparks of gratitude on your daily

trips so try that next time you're in a

shop and you see a staff member working

hard give them appreciation next time

you get a lovely meal or fantastic

service in a restaurant tell them thank

them for it you'll be spreading

positivity around your community and I

bet that person will smile about it the

third and final principle of the

fundamental techniques in handling

people is to arouse in the other person

an ego wants Carnegie says tomorrow you

may want to persuade someone to do

something before you speak pause and ask

yourself how can I make this person want

to do it he mentions a quote from Henry

Ford and some of the best relationship

advice he's ever heard

if there is any one secret of success it

lies in the ability to get the other

person's point of view and see things

from that person's angle as well as from

your own instead of discussion or threat

when a young child was protesting about

going to kindergarten a member of Dale

Carnegie's course tried something

different he and his wife started finger

painting and having lots of fun whilst

telling his child about all of the

things he would get to enjoy in

kindergarten this principle is all about

motivating the other person put yourself

in their shoes and think about their

desires what do they want arousing and

ego wants is very important in business

this is why companies do Target Market

Research to see what the customer wants

it's never about what your company wants

it's about fulfilling the needs and the

wants of the customer this principle is

very similar to law 13 of the 48 Laws of

Power when asking for help appeal to

people's self-interest never to their

Mercy or gratitude emphasis size what

they will get out of it so you can

practically implement this principle by

being mindful of the needs and the wants

of the person in front of you and

talking about that let me give you an

example I always wanted a gym partner

someone to come to the gym with me and

spot me whilst I was lifting weights

what I would tell guys that I wanted a

gym partner do you think they ever threw

themselves at the opportunity no but

then when I started mentioning what they

would get out of coming to the gym with

me and that was increased muscle

strength and confidence all whilst

trading safely with someone who has a

lot of experience I started speaking

about the benefits they would experience

instead of just what I wanted and now I

almost always have a guide to go to the

gym with the fourth principle starts the

new chapter six ways to make people like

you and that is by becoming genuinely

interested in other people Carnegie says

you can make more friends in two months

by becoming genuinely interested in

other people than you can in two years

by trying to get other people interested

in you you he mentioned psychologist

Alfred Adler it is the individual who is

not interested in his fellow men who has

the greatest difficulties in life and

provides the greatest injury to others

it is from such individuals that all

human failures spring I've been using

this principle with a thought that I

keep in mind everyone has an interesting

story a mistake that they've made that I

could learn from they have success that

I may be able to replicate only by

becoming interested in other people can

you find these things out implementing

this principle will make your

conversations deeper a Rowan poet

publilius Cyrus said that we are

interested in others when they are

interested in us your strengthen quality

friendships this way by overcoming the

basic conversations that we usually

limit ourselves to practical way that

you can implement this principle is

simply by asking the other person more

questions see where the conversation

ends up and you'll probably find

something that really interests you the

other person will feel fantastic of the

attention you're giving them and maybe

you'll learn a thing or two the second

principle of making people like you is

to smile

Carnegie says that happiness doesn't

depend on outward conditions it depends

on inner conditions it isn't what you

have or who you are or where you are or

what you are doing that makes you happy

or unhappy it is what you think about it

he mentions telephone customer service

training where members of staff are

instructed to smile as they talk on the

phone because your smile comes out

through your voice when you talk what if

you don't feel like smiling Carnegie

mentions a quote from psychologist

William James thus The Sovereign

voluntary path to cheerfulness if our

cheerfulness be lost is to sit up

cheerfully and to act and speak as if

cheerfulness we're already there fake it

till you make it we know that fake it

till you make it actually works because

it starts a positive feedback loop you

fake the cheerfulness and smile suddenly

everyone is smiling back at you and the

pleasantness of the situation actually

causes your smile to become real force

yourself to smile and then think about

how stupid it is to actually fake a

smile and then you'll be finding

yourself smiling naturally remember to

force this smile anytime you see your

phone ring if you force a smile and

answer the phone the other person will

just think that you are very very happy

to speak to them your energy will become

so much more pleasant and then the other

person will likely feel the same way

implementing this principle and smiling

more will undoubtedly make other people

smile back at you it will make you feel

a lot more connected in your community

and in fact I personally think this

principle has changed my life the most

the images you're seeing on screen right

now are a few paragraphs from my own

personal Journal of the importance of

smiling fake it till you make it and

start that positive feedback loop the

third principle of making people like

you is to remember that a person's name

is to that person the sweetest sound in

any language Carnegie says that the

average person is more interested in his

or her own name than in all the other

names on Earth put together remember

that name and call it easily and you

have paid a subtle and very effective

compliments he mentions Andrew Carnegie

who learned the astounding importance

people place on their own names at just

the age of 10. he had a whole nest of

little rabbits and nothing to feed them

so he convinced his neighborhood friends

to go out and pick some dandelion some

food for the rabbits and in return he

would name the little rabbits after

those kids using people's names in the

middle of a conversation does feel a

little bit awkward when you first start

but you'll find that people do seem way

more receptive to you when you do use

their name anytime I get someone's phone

number I always thought the first

message or voice notes with their name

Caitlyn it's Hamza we met earlier

implementing this principle will make

the people you speak to feel more

connected and more important to you

remembering their name is almost like

crazy

between two people and now you're

probably thinking okay well how do I

actually begin to remember people's

names effectively and I don't think

there's any secret tactic it just takes

a little more intention Carnegie says

that most people don't remember names

for the simple reason that they don't

take the time and energy necessary to

concentrate and repeat and fix names in

their minds so it's likely that you'll

improve the ability to remember

someone's name if you just care about it

more and you put more intention into

remembering their name remain mindful of

the significance that we place on our

names and carry this thought around with

you so the fourth principle of making

people like you is to be a good listener

and to encourage others to talk about

themselves Carnegie says if you aspire

to be a good conversationalist be an

attentive listener to be interesting be

interested ask questions that the other

person will enjoy answering encourage

them to talk about themselves and their

accomplishments he mentions Edward Bach

a Dutch immigrant boy living in poverty

he had nothing to his name but he began

corresponding with really famous people

how did you do that by encouraging them

to talk about themselves he wrote

letters to people like Mrs Abraham

Lincoln asking them about details of

their childhood by just being a good

listener a poor boy with seemingly no

future became a welcome guest in

distinguished people's homes here's the

deal we love talking about ourselves

much more than we like to listen but if

you become the person who enjoys

listening and gets people talking about

themselves they'll love of talking to

you you can implement this principle and

you will immediately notice how your

conversations change people will open up

about private parts of their life and

then they'll probably tell you that

they've never really spoken about these

things before if you implement this

principle you're actually doing a

fantastic service sometimes we need to

talk to someone who's a great listener

someone who doesn't just want to talk

back and you can become that person for

your friends or family making them

grateful for you there is a downside to

this the people that you speak to may

not be great listeners to what you have

to say it might feel unbalanced like

they're doing all the talking and you're

doing all the listening when is it your

turn to do the talking I've certainly

noticed this myself I think that's

because the average person has more of a

need to talk and get things out of their

mind than their need to listen really

the more people who read this book The

more great listeners that we will

encounter that's why I think this book

should be recommended to everyone and

that is why I made this skillshare class

the world would generally be a better

place if more people tried to implement

these principles so consider sharing

this book with someone maybe send them a

free PDF or even order the book for them

on Amazon or send them a link to this

skillshare class if they internalize it

then that's your benefit you've now got

someone who has become a great listener

to what you have to say the fifth

principle of making people like you is

to talk in terms of the other person's

interests Carnegie mentions how guests

of Theodore Roosevelt were always

astonished at his wide range of

knowledge particularly in the things

that they were interested in Roosevelt

admitted his Secrets he would stay up

late and read up on the subjects that he

knew his guests were interested in in

Carnegie's words for Roosevelt new as

all leaders know that the Royal Road to

a person's heart is to talk about the

things that he or she Treasures most I

have some advice on implementing this

principle and this is my exact method on

how I perform outstandingly in job and

use before the interview or even the

initial phone call I always do extra

research on the company and the

recruiter you can always find what

they're interested in online and when

you mention it in the interview they're

impressed they appreciate the fact that

you took the time to research them and

get a bit more knowledge on what they

are interested in implementing this

principle is a Surefire way of never

running out of things to talk about if

you focus on their interests and use the

previous principle of being a good

listener and encouraging them to talk

about themselves you won't have to talk

much at all and you'll learn a lot of

new knowledge and information about

hobbies and activities that you may not

have known you never know where these

kinds of conversations could lead to for

example speaking in terms of the other

person's interests has gotten me invited

to parties barbecues an interesting

workout sessions you'll find that it's

quite common for people to briefly

mention something that they're really

interested in in the middle of a

conversation and when you pick up on

that and you ask them a question about

that interest

their eyes light up like they've wanted

to talk about this stuff for a while but

no one has asked them no one has spoke

in terms of their interests they don't

get to speak about what they are most

interested in very often so pay them

that favor and sometimes they even

invite you to join them with that

interest the sixth and final principle

of making people like you is to make the

other person feel important and to do so

sincerely Carnegie says probably the

most important rule of all is to do onto

others as you would have others do unto

you you want recognition of your true

worth you crave sincere appreciation so

give that to others Carnegie mentions a

restaurant owner in France who used this

principle of making the other person

feel important a key employee had sent

in her resonation but the restaurant

owner was able to make her withdraw it

simply by making her feel important he

told her that she meant a great deal to

the success of the restaurant and he

said this in front of the entire staff

you'll find that if you just switch up

your thing thinking everyone is in some

way a cog a vital piece to the bigger

picture bin man janitor's receptionists

all play an important role but I really

appreciated but now that you're keeping

this principle in mind you can be the

person that makes them feel important

just think about what they're

contributing to and thank them for it

implementing this principle is a

straightforward way of making people

appreciated for their efforts if you

yourself want appreciation and a feeling

of importance in this world do unto

others as you would have others do unto

you the first principle of the new

chapter when people to your way of

thinking is to know that the only way to

win an argument is to avoid it

completely

Carnegie says you can't win an argument

you can't because if you lose it you

lose it if you win it you lose it why

well suppose you triumph over the other

man and shoot his argument full of holes

and prove that he is non-compass mentis

then why you will feel fine but what

about him you have made him feel

inferior you have hurt his pride he will

resent your Triumph and a man convinced

against his will is of the same opinion

still he mentions a member of his course

who gave a great speech regarding his

transformation in avoiding arguments the

more I argued against it the more my

Prospect argued in favor of it and the

more he argued the more he sold himself

on my competitors product as I look back

now I wonder how I was ever able to sell

anything I lost years of my life in

scrapping and arguing I keep my mouth

shut now it pays arguing is addictive it

makes us feel important when we fight

for our beliefs and we regurgitate the

facts that we've learned but everyone

feels like this so you really have to

think what the point of an argument is

if the point of your argument is to win

that person to your way of thinking then

arguing is not the right way the course

member of the example that I just gave

said it perfectly when you argue with

someone and they argue their point in

retaliation they're just further

solidifying their current belief

Carnegie has watched the effects of

thousands of arguments and he said nine

times out of ten an argument ends with

each of the contestants more firmly

convinced than ever that he is

absolutely right so bear this in mind as

you go about your day there's certainly

better ways to win people to your way of

thinking which we will discuss in the

next few principles avoid arguments as

they are a lose-lose situation the

second principle of winning people to

your way of thinking is to show respect

for the other person's opinions never

say you are wrong Carnegie says if you

can be sure of being right only 55 of

the time you can go down to Wall Street

and make a million dollars a day if you

can't be sure of being right even 55 of

the time why should you tell other

people they are wrong he mentions the

art of subtly proving yourself right in

a way that no one will feel like you're

doing it over 300 years ago galio said

you cannot teach a man anything you can

only help him find it within himself

Carnegie even gives you the exact

sentence you can use if someone makes a

statement that you know is wrong I

thought otherwise but I may be wrong I

frequently am and if I'm wrong I want to

be put right let's examine the facts

this principle works I make YouTube

videos and sometimes someone will come

in with something that I know is wrong a

few times that I've indulged in calling

them out and telling them that they are

wrong an argument has started we now

know that you can't win an argument do

you think after arguing with these

commenters they suddenly subscribed to

my channel and smash that like button no

it offends people when you outwardly say

that they're wrong instead of subtly

telling them the truth all of the people

I argued with on YouTube and said

directly that they were wrong probably

smashed the dislike button implementing

this principle of never saying you're

wrong to someone will stop so many

arguments from ever taking place and

obviously we just learned that you can

never win an argument so these two

principles that we've just learned will

stop us going down that rabbit hole of

negative conversations with people we

will avoid arguments and hostile

disagreements if we implemented these

principles the third principle of

winning people to your way of thinking

is to admit when you are wrong quickly

and empathetically Carnegie says say

about yourself all of the things you

know the other person is thinking or

wants to say or intends to say and say

them before that person has a chance to

say them the chances are a hundred to

one that are generous forgiving attitude

will be taken and your mistakes will be

minimized Carnegie used this principle

himself elf after being caught with his

dog loose without a muzzle or a leash by

a policeman for the second time he

didn't wait until the policeman started

talking and instead he beat him to it

and started admitting his wrongs

empathetically and apologized Carnegie

admitted that he had no excuses as he

had been previously warned not to have

his dog running loose the policeman

responded in a softer Manner and allowed

Carnegie to go without any further

punishment that policeman Being Human

wanted a feeling of importance so when I

began to condemn myself the only way he

could nourish his self-esteem was to

take the magnanimous attitude of showing

Mercy my pronunciation of some of these

older English words are not too great

I'm admitting my wrongs quickly and

empathetically it feels quite awkward to

start admitting your wrongs but once you

get into the flow of it it becomes quite

addictive that's because implementing

this principle will make you grow as a

person people find this trait of

self-reflection so attractive and they

respect it because it reeks of comfort

evidence many many people can't admit

when they're wrong because they've got

big Egos and so when you take that

uncomfortable step people appreciate it

and then they help you feel better like

what you did wasn't really that bad

other people will minimize your

wrongdoings if you admit them first the

fourth principle of winning people to

your way of thinking is to begin in a

friendly way Carnegie says the friendly

approach and appreciation can make

people change their minds more readily

than all the Bluster and storming in the

world he mentions a course member of his

who successfully got his apartment's

rent reduced by beginning in a friendly

way instead of complaining about the

price of rents like the other tenants

who had requested a rent reduction this

one tried something different he greeted

the landlord in a friendly Manner and

started talking about all of the things

that he really liked about the apartment

he complemented the landlord on the way

he ran the buildings and then said that

he would love to stay he just couldn't

afford the rents here without the course

member even directly asking for it the

landlord offered to reduce his rent

that's a fantastic stick story and is so

replicable to many of us today next time

you have a reason to complain consider

beginning with a compliment this

requires more restraint but as we're

learning that's usually a good thing an

example is if you receive a meal in a

restaurant that isn't satisfactory you

could get loud and you could get hostile

but even if they replace your meal

you've just ruined your own mood you've

lowered the positivity of the people

around you and there's always a chance

that the waiter or the cook will spit in

your free meal on the other hand you

could start by giving the waiter a

compliments on their service and then

just say that the meal wasn't

satisfactory I had a friend who was a

waiter for years and he said that this

was the exact way to go about it and

they will undoubtedly replace your meal

free of charge the waiter is much more

likely to go back to the kitchen and

make it clear to the Cook that you were

very nice and that you deserve the best

meal that they can possibly make for you

all this and you get to feel like you're

in a friendlier mood implementing this

principle will make the conversation

with the other person feel like you are

teammates trying to solve the problem

rather than putting the other person on

the offense and making it a you verse

them situation the fifth principle of

winning people to your way of thinking

is to get the other person saying yes

immediately Carnegie says the more yeses

we can at the very outset induce the

more likely we are to succeed in

capturing the attention for our ultimate

proposal he mentions Socrates a Greek

philosopher whose technique was based on

getting a yes yes response Socrates

would ask questions that he knew his

opponents would have to agree to winning

one admission after the other leading to

his opponents finding themselves at a

conclusion that supported him getting

the other person to say yes yes

immediately is a technique used in

copywriting which is writing sales text

that you may see in online shopping it's

also how I convinced some guys to start

going to the gym at first I would

wrongly make it all about me and tell

them why I went to the gym I'd ask them

why they didn't go to the gym themselves

this never worked to convince them

instead using this principle of getting

them to say yes yes has been much more

effective I'd ask them do you want to be

more confident they would of course say

yes I think everyone wants to be more

confident then I'd say something like

imagine right now you had more muscle

more strength and you had accomplished

some fitness goals that you would set

yourself do you think you'd be more

confident after that yes we want them to

agree with us because it just means that

we're on the same side and when you're

on the same side it's much easier to

influence a behavior change into someone

human behavior Professor Harry

Overstreet said a no response is a most

difficult handicap to overcome when you

have said no all your pride of

Personality demands that you remain

consistent with yourself you may later

feel that the no was ill-advised

nevertheless this is your precious Pride

to consider once having said a thing you

feel you must stick to it implementing

this principle will make you better at

sales either selling a product an idea

or a belief if you sell things online

you do e-commerce Facebook ads email

marketing all of those things benefit

from getting the other person to say yes

yes immediately the sixth principle in

winning people to your way of thinking

is to let the other person do a great

deal of the talking Carnegie says most

people trying to win others to their way

of thinking do too much talking

themselves let the other people talk

themselves out he mentions a mother's

deteriorating relationship with her

teenage daughter who kept on misbehaving

the mother lectured threatened and

punished but it never helped so one day

she asked her daughter why why was she

behaving like this and in the mother's

words I had never listened to her I was

always telling her to do this or that

when she wanted to tell me her thoughts

feelings ideas I interrupted with more

orders I began to realize that she

needed me not as a bossy mother but as a

confidant from that time on I let her do

all the Talking she wanted our

relationship has improved immeasurably

the fourth law of the 48 Laws of Power

supports this idea to let the other

person do a great deal of the talking

always say less than necessary the more

you say the more common you appear

powerful people impress and intimidate

by saying less it's easier and it's more

comfortable to keep talking to fill in

the gaps of Silence but that's not a

good thing confident people who are sure

of themselves and their beliefs are not

afraid of the silence in a conversation

keep this in mind if you find yourself

over talking along with letting the

other person do a great deal of talking

comes the necessity of restraints in

interrupting them if you disagree with

them you may be tempted to interrupt but

don't it is dangerous they won't pay

attention to you while they still have a

lot of ideas of their own crying for

expression implementing this principle

will make you seem so much more

confident especially if you're someone

who usually over talks confident people

say less and so when you emulate this it

seems like your beliefs are stronger

than the person who just keeps talking

trying to convince you of something else

the seventh principle of winning people

to your way of thinking is to let the

other person feel like the idea is his

or hers Carnegie says isn't it bad

judgment try to Ram your opinions down

the throats of other people isn't it

wiser to make suggestions and let the

other person think out the conclusion he

mentions Edward M house who was a

confidential advisor for President

Woodrow Wilson after I got to know the

president I learned the best way to

convert him to an idea was to plant it

in his mind casually but so as to

interest him in it so as to get him

thinking about it on his own account I

was amazed to hear him Trot out my

suggestion as his own people don't like

to be told what to do there's an

infuriating moment that I'm sure we've

all experienced how do you feel when

you're about to do the dishes or any

other chore and then someone tells you

to do that thing that you were just

about to do it takes your free will out

of the picture when someone has ordered

you to do or believe something and we

really dislike that to change someone's

way of thinking you have to do so subtly

without making it obvious what your

intentions are they can only truly

believe this new way of thinking if they

reach that point themselves as galio in

previous principal said you cannot teach

a man anything you can only help him

find it within himself

the eighth principle of winning people

to your way of thinking is to try

honestly to see things from their point

of view in Carnegie's own words an

increased tendency to think always in

terms of the other person's point of

view and see things from that person's

angle as well as your own if you only

get one thing from this book it may

easily prove to be one of the Stepping

Stones of your career he mentions

Kenneth M good stating the benefits of

implementing this principle of seeing

things from the other person's point of

view you will have grasped the only

solid foundation for interpersonal

relationships namely that success in

dealing with people depends on a

sympathetic grasp of the other person's

Viewpoint this is where the phrase step

into their shoes comes from you gather a

fantastic understanding of the

motivations a person has if you just

take the time to think about how they

feel and how they think it's a shame

that we often don't take the time to do

this because it's that small amount of

effort that could change how our

conversations go if you could perfectly

see things from someone else's point of

view you could get them to do anything

you'd be able to say the right words and

convey the right atmosphere to convince

them of your way of thinking so just

take the time to really think about who

this person is and what their Viewpoint

is what are they for and what are they

against

the ninth principle of winning people to

your way of thinking is to be

sympathetic to the other person's ideas

and desires Carnegie says that

three-fourths of people are hungering

for attention and sympathy if you give

it to them they will love you he

mentions a very interesting point

passenger Al Capone with the exact same

body mind and temperament with the exact

same environments and childhood you

would then act exactly how he did if we

use the previous principle of seeing

things from their point of view and

putting ourselves in their shoes it

becomes easier to be sympathetic with

someone and Carnegie even gives us the

magic phrase that will eliminate all ill

feeling and help us act sympathetic to

someone I don't blame you one iota for

feeling as you do if I were you I would

undoubtedly feel just as you do

understand that everyone has a reason

for what they do Free Will is not as

easy to understand of a concept as you

may think it is we think we've got free

will you think that you get to decide

your actions do you think that you get

to decide your thoughts but is that true

do you actually get to decide what you

think next if you're watching this

you've probably got some kind of

privilege and decent upbringing to not

have the impulse to go and hurt someone

but what if you did what if that was

your thought is your thoughts not then

determined because you cannot think what

your next thought is going to be up

until it happens you can't exactly

control your Cravings but your cravings

and your thoughts are definitely

influenced by the type of life and

experiences that you've had so if you

had the same life and the same

experiences as someone else it's very

likely that you probably would act in

the exact same way as they did so in

that sense

show sympathy to yourself and to other

humans and so if you want to win people

to your way of thinking consider

implementing this principle and the

previous one to form a greater

understanding of how and what a person

feels shows sympathy to that and they

will listen to you attentively the tenth

principle of winning people to your way

of thinking is to appeal to their nobler

motives Carnegie says the person will

think of the real reason you don't need

to emphasize that but all of us being

idealists at heart like to think of

motives that sound good so in order to

change people appeal to the nobler

motives he mentions how Lord northcliffe

was able to convince editors of a

newspaper company to stop publishing a

picture of him that he didn't like he

appealed to the respect and love that

all of us have for motherhood he wrote

please do not publish that picture of me

anymore my mother doesn't like it

everyone has a potential Noble motive

that you could speak about when trying

to influence someone's Behavior or

thought change for example example I've

been able to convince young men to take

the time and effort to improve their

mental health through practices like

mindfulness and gratitude and exercise

however some guys didn't really feel

motivated to help themselves so my go-to

response to that was a form of appealing

to their Noble motives without me even

realizing that I was doing this I would

say after you learn these practices and

you actually take the time to get used

to them you can teach them to other

friends and family that you know may

have some mental health problems too

most people's Noble motives are selfless

it's something that helps other people

that they love their friends family or

people in their Community implement this

principle appeal to that selfless desire

and they will probably embrace the

responsibility of change

the 11th principle of winning people to

your way of thinking is to dramatize

your ideas Carnegie says this is the day

of dramatization merely stating a truth

isn't enough the truth has to be made

Vivid interesting and dramatic you have

to use Showmanship the movies do it

television does it and you will have to

do it if you want attention he mentions

how souzas set up a romantic atmosphere

and may even get down on one need to

propose you could say the words of love

but adding the dramatization adds extra

effect it creates a moment that they

will better remember the possibilities

of this principle are endless so I would

highly recommend for you to just take a

few minutes after this particular

principle to think and creatively come

up with a few ways that you could

dramatize the idea that you're trying to

convey to others it'll create a more

memorable experience and therefore it'll

probably be more influential for example

a couple weeks ago I met up an old

friend and we were just walking around

our city he said that he wanted to be in

a relationship ship and that he had

slightly been struggling because he

would message girls on Instagram or

Tinder and he didn't have much success

with it I told him the best way in my

opinion is to actually approach girls in

person instead of just being another guy

in her DMS on Instagram whilst I was

telling him this I stopped mid-senses

and walked up to a girl just approached

her and asked for her number she said no

but it seemed to influence him a lot

more than if I just told him to do so he

witnessed in his own eyes that just

walking up and speaking to someone isn't

as scary as it seems I dramatized my

idea and I want him to my way of

thinking implementing this principle

does take a little more confidence but

it leads to Greater rewards it increases

the potential to change their minds when

they see and remember something dramatic

the 12th and final principle of winning

people to your way of thinking is to

throw down a challenge Carnegie says

this is what every successful person

loves the game the chance for

self-expression the chance to prove his

or her birth to excel to win he mentions

Charles Schwab who created an atmosphere

of challenging competition by drawing a

big figure six on the floor with chalk

to indicate a Mill's day shift

production the night shift came in

worked hard and changed the six to a

seven then the day shift came in thought

they got one up by the night shift and

then worked really really hard changed

the seven to a 10. this Mill in

particular started turning out more work

than any other Mill in the entire plan

Charles Schwab himself said the way to

get things done is to stimulate

competition I do not mean an assorted

money getting way but in the desire to

excel Challenge and competition truly

works and a great practical thing about

this is that you can compete with

yourself or you could get your clients

or customers or staff to compete with

themselves for example as a weightlifter

I started tracking my lifts tracking

your lift just means taking the time to

either use an app or a notebook where

you just write down how much weight you

lifted in a particular exercise how many

reps how many sets it seems quite simple

but this is an act of creating a

competition a challenge through yourself

through your former self so every week I

see the number and I'm essentially

competing with last week me I tried to

beat my previous high score and it's

actually way more exciting this way and

so you can convince your clients or

staff to compete with their former

selves that's the mentality I've been

using with my coaching clients I

constantly ask them to remember what

normal behavior was for their previous

younger selves just a few months ago so

they remember that a few months ago they

weren't even exercising at all and then

we compare that to now where they're

exercising three times a week I remind

them of the version of them from last

week saying that he hit three sessions

and I say can you beat your previous

version can you beat you from last week

and hit four sessions this week this is

one of the most influential men

totalities I've been Drilling in

challenge seems to ignite a fire inside

of us that actually gets us just moving

and taking action I think this might be

due to Evolution when you create a

challenger competition it's like your

fight-or-flight mode kicks in and wants

to fight for the resources that are

available with the reward of hard work

because now

someone else could win the reward of

hard work and we don't want that we want

as much resources and rewards as

possible this principle is actually the

basis of setting goals you set a goal

that's somewhat of a challenge and you

just keep reminding yourself the goal is

four workout sessions this week the goal

is to ride a thousand words in my book

we set these goals we constantly remind

ourselves because that is our challenge

the 22nd principle that we're covering

which is now the first principle of the

new chapter of being a leader is to

begin with praise and honest

appreciation Colony says that beginning

with praise it's like the dentist who

begins his work with novocaine the

patient still gets a drilling but the

novocaine is a pain killing he mentions

a branch manager who was a member of his

course who had successfully encouraged a

new trainee to increase their

performance in an area of the job that

they struggled with the trainee

struggled with balancing the cash draw

starting the conversation with praise

and this appreciation created a positive

friendly atmosphere and then the manager

suggested the improvements that the

trainee could make in the manager's

words once she realized I had confidence

in her she easily follows my suggestions

and soon mastered this function we have

had no problems with her since then we

want the best in the people that we want

to lead so it's normal to focus on the

things that they can improve on but

always bear in mind that the other

people would probably improve better if

we started on a positive note first but

do not implement this principle of

starting with praise and honest

appreciation until you also implement

the next principle too the second

principle of being a leader is to call

attention to people's mistakes

indirectly Carnegie says that many

people begin their criticism with a

sincere praise followed by the word but

and ending with a critical statement

we're really proud of you but if you had

worked a little harder your grades would

have been even better when someone hears

the word but after a praise they might

then question the sincerity of the

original praise he mentions Charles

Schwab who instead of calling a mistake

of his employees directly used a softer

approach his employees were smoking just

under a no smoking sign he could have

went up he could have been rude and

angry and told them can you not see the

sign his employees would have listened

to that they would have followed his

orders but they may have slightly

resented him and there's certainly a

better way to get adherents from people

instead of calling attention to their

mistakes directly as we're using his

examples a lot you can begin to realize

that this Charles Schwab guy is one of a

kind he walked over and handed each of

the employees a cigar and he said I'd

appreciate it boys if you could smoke

these outside subtle but effective they

knew what he meant they knew they had

broken a rule but the rule didn't even

come up but how could you not respect

someone who calls attention to your

mistakes like that I think we could all

learn a lot from his examples in this

book again I want to make it clear that

the easier routes would have been to

call attention to their mistakes

directly so far what we've learned a lot

through these 23 principles is that the

direct easy approach is often not the

great one to take just taking the time

to think about a softer approach seems

to lead to Greater adherence with

everything that we want Carnegie says

that you can easily overcome calling

attention to people's mistakes directly

by replacing the word but

to and we're really proud of you and if

you continue putting in great effort

we'll see your grades improve as well

I've been using this principle a lot

lately and I think it's a fantastic

fundamental principle to keep in mind if

you're someone who wants to see changes

in people as I've mentioned I've been

helping young men improve their physical

and mental health and one of the times

I've used this principle is when a

client of mine did three workout

sessions when his goal was four

previously I would have said well done

on hitting three workouts but your goal

was four so we're gonna make sure we

smash it next week it's not bad it's

still praising him but it's not as

effective as it could be now I say

something like well done on hitting

three workouts this week and next week

we're going to use the same tactics

we're going to get increased effort from

you and we're going to hit four workouts

do you think you can do that it's a

subtle difference but it seems to have

quite a big effect here's something that

I realized that I think if you're some

kind of leader or influencer or someone

who just wants to see change in someone

you may be able to take away I've been

thinking about keeping the idea of a

praise as pure by not contaminating a

Praise by straight away then telling

them something that they did wrong

praise them for what they did right and

let that just be a moment in itself and

then later on after a few minutes then

have the section about what they can

improve on implementing this principle

will have the people you're trying to

lead Crave Your Praises more everyone

loves getting praised but we often just

ruin it by calling attention to their

mistakes directly after the praise don't

do that and your compliments will

certainly leave a positive mark on

someone the third principle of being a

leader is to talk about your own

mistakes before criticizing the other

person Carnegie says admitting one's own

mistakes even when one hasn't corrected

them can help convince somebody to

change his behavior he mentions the

father who found out his teenage son had

started smoking he could have made

threats or warned his son but he took a

different approach he told his son about

the mistake he made starting smoking

himself the father had been smoking for

many years and he felt like his

addiction was impossible to stop up he

had an irritating cough he told all this

to his son admitting his own mistake

instead of criticizing his son's

Behavior his son stopped smoking himself

this is very similar to the previous

principle of calling attention to

people's mistakes indirectly but this

time we're just highlighting what

they're doing wrong by telling them an

example about ourselves if you're trying

to change someone start by telling them

what you did wrong in that situation and

how that experience was for you tell

them how you regretted your actions and

you just wish you had someone telling

you something like this there's a whole

lot of mistakes I made when I first got

into fitness and exercising I found that

when I bring up my mistake and tell them

oh I would I lost months of progress

because I did this thing they're way

more likely to listen to my idea and

take my advice than if I just tell them

wait don't do that because the other

person's more likely to listen to your

plead because admitting your own failure

is very admirable we always strive to

learn from other people's mistakes to

avoid what negative experiences they had

the fourth principle of being a leader

is to ask questions instead of giving

direct orders Carnegie says asking

questions not only makes an order more

palatable it often stimulates the

creativity of the person whom you ask he

mentions Ian McDonald a manager of a

manufacturing plant he received a very

large order which would be impossible to

complete now he could have gave orders

he could have increased the time of his

employees work but he didn't instead he

just asked his staff questions is there

anything we can do to handle this order

is there any way we can adjust our hours

or personal assignments to complete this

order the employees themselves came up

with the ideas and insisted that the

manager take the order asking questions

instead of giving direct orders put the

employees in a we can do it attitude

they accepted the order and got it

delivered on time if you give someone a

direct order it's actually quite risky

either one they'll accept the order

they'll do the task but then they'll

have some kind of resentment for you

because you've almost forced them to do

something oh 2 they will refuse and your

leadership has now been challenged a lot

of this book has told us that people

don't like to be told what to do and the

direct approach is often not the best

and so we know that taking a softer

touch is usually better Carnegie even

says people are more likely to accept an

order if they've had a part in the

decision that caused the order to be

issued for example let's say you're a

mother with a child who's misbehaving

and he doesn't want to put his shoes on

to go outside the mother could get

really angry put your shoes on right now

we have to go we're getting late

does that really work with kids

or the mother could ask the question

instead of focusing on the direct order

she could ask the question which pair of

your trainers do you want to wear which

pair of shoes do you want to wear today

the child is going to answer which pair

of trainers he wants to wear and now he

feels like he had a choice in the

decision he had A Creative Touch almost

and that probably means he's more likely

to follow what originally was in direct

order involve the people you're trying

to lead in the decision at the very

least just ask them something like do

you think we can do it implementing this

principle will change it from a you

verse them situation to a you plus them

versus the situation the fifth principle

of being a leader is to let the other

person save face Carnegie says even if

we are right and the other person is

definitely wrong we only destroy ego by

causing someone to lose face he mentions

two completely different leaders one was

a vice president who just lost his

temper and started arguing and shouting

and berating his supervisor that

supervisor designed and started working

at a competitors company and apparently

did a fine job there the other leader

was a marketing specialist boss when one

of his employees had made quite

significant errors this boss thanked her

for her efforts he said he had

confidence that the employee could

repeat the survey that they were doing

and that he had faith in that employee

that employee left that meeting with

their head up in the air determined to

not let that boss down again hurting a

man in his dignity is a crime and it's a

crime that just does not pay off if we

want to be effective leaders be careful

if you find yourself in a position of

power you may actually feel slightly

excited to not let the other person save

face to highlight their faults publicly

or to humiliate them for their mistakes

but none of this will improve your

leadership skills and it won't make

people more likely to respect you and

follow your command if it's adherence

that you're trying to get from your

staff or the people that you're trying

to change take the software approach and

let someone save face the sixth

principle of being a great leader is

phrase the slightest Improvement and to

praise every Improvement be hearty in

your approbation and lavish in your

praise Carnegie says I can look back at

my own life and see where a few words of

Praise have sharply changed my entire

future he mentions very well-known

psychologist BF Skinner Skinner showed

that minimizing criticism and increasing

praise resulted in more positive

behavior we know that operant

conditioning works on humans praising

someone acts as a form of positive

reinforcement that strengthens a

behavior which means that they're just

more likely to repeat that same behavior

so if an employee or client of yours put

in some great effort praise that effort

and they'll be more likely to continue

putting in the same effort because we

crave appreciation I think this is one

of the most powerful principles you can

effectively make someone act out a

certain Behavior with their soul

principle use it wisely and remember to

never give out any hostile criticism or

punishment we strengthen behaviors that

are praised and appreciate and we just

weaken behaviors which are ignored I've

been using this principle a lot recently

when my clients perform the vital

behaviors that get them to their goals

an extra tip I can give you is to make

your praise as specific and as special

as possible for example when I Want To

Praise my clients for completing the

week's gym goal of four sessions a week

I could just send them a few words on

the text and say Well done but I make it

a little bit more special by always

sending a voice note when they've done

great behavior that way they get to hear

my voice it feels more personal and the

praise is more special I highly

recommend doing a little bit more

research on operant conditioning because

if you want to see it Behavior change in

someone you should learn about positive

reinforcement it's a very powerful tool

probably the only tool of influencing a

behavior change in someone in a nice way

the seventh principle of being a leader

is to give the other person a fine

reputation to live up to Carnegie says

if you want to improve a person in a

certain respect act as though that

particular trait were already one of his

or her outstanding characteristics he

mentions how a primary school teacher

was able to change the behavior of one

of the most mischievous students in the

school she complimented him on his

traits as a natural leader and said that

she was going to depend on him on making

that class the best fourth grade class

in the entire school she gave the

student a fine reputation to live up to

and of course he lived up to her this

principle is like highlighting the best

version of somebody making it clear of

their potential what they could do and

setting that as their challenge so we're

bringing in the 21st principle of

throwing down a challenge as well

there's two ways that you can use this

principle to improve your leadership

skills one by making them aware of their

potential reputation describing it

realistically as something that they

could strive for or two setting yourself

as a fantastic example that then is

their reputation to live up to for

example I'm teaching young men how to

start exercising I know that I can teach

these things because I've got years of

experience but my influence as a leader

has increased tenfold over the last few

months because I've gotten myself into

the best shape of my life it sets a

fantastic reputation for other people to

strive for this gives you more

credibility as a leader to influence

change if it's a skill or a practice

that you've already mastered the eighth

principle of being a leader is to use

encouragement and make the fault seem

easy to correct Carnegie says and this

is probably my favorite paragraph in the

entire book

tell your child your spouse or your

employee that he or she is stupid or

dumb at a certain thing has no gift for

it and is doing it all wrong and you

have destroyed almost every incentive to

try to improve but use the opposite

technique be liberal with your

encouragement make the thing seem easy

to do let the other person know that you

have faith in his ability to do it and

that he has an undeveloped Flair for it

and then he will practice until the dawn

comes in the window in order to excel he

mentions a course instructor of his who

used encouragement and making faults

seem easy to correct which changed the

trajectory of his son's life his son had

a rough life he was in a car accident

when he was young and he had a massive

scar over his forehead he was behind by

two years in school he was in the

special classes for the slow Learners

and he struggled particularly with mats

so his father started teaching him maths

and made a big deal every single time

his son got an answer right they would

celebrate when his son had shown

improvements they showed him that

learning fun and it could be easier than

it was at school and soon enough that

teenager started bringing home

significantly improved grades and went

on to even improve in other classes his

reading improved rapidly he started

using his natural talents in drawing and

he actually got put onto the honor roll

multiple years in a row this principle

is all about drilling in a growth

mindset into the people we're trying to

influence we're making it so clear that

they have the realistic potential to

improve and all it requires is effort

but not that much effort we're not

making the behavior seem like a big deal

until they have done it and then we act

like it's a big deal and then we

celebrate implementing this principle

genuinely gives you the power as a

leader to change someone's life the

growth mindset empowers someone into

positive beliefs that really make them

feel that they can achieve anything with

enough effort any leader any influencer

any personal trainer or manager should

use this principle all the time the

ninth and final principle of being a

leader is to make the other person happy

about doing the things that you suggest

Carnegie mentions a course member of his

who improved his employees performance

by giving them a new responsibility and

job title they were now the supervisor

of price tag posting and they were asked

to keep all the shelves properly tagged

giving the other person a sense of

importance like we learned in the ninth

principle makes them feel happier or

more excited for what we want them to do

this principle is kind of like bribing

someone imagine bribing the police you

make that police officer do what you

want which is potentially getting away

with minor crime by giving him money

which makes him happy if you want

increased performance from the people

you're trying to lead make them happy to

do so think to yourself what's in it for

them right now this is actually a very

interesting point most of the behaviors

that we want to influence onto other

people are forms of delayed

classification like working hard or

going to the gym these activities do pay

off in the long run but right now they

are uncomfortable the beginners don't

really feel happy to be there in that

moment so to make them happy to do what

we want them to do we may have to offer

some kind of instant gratification

incentive so if you're a personal

trainer who's very close to your clients

you could offer to pick them up and

drive them to the gym with you this

makes it way more convenient for them to

do today's session if you're a teacher

reward great Behavior with some kind of

tree like letting the students leave the

room one or two minutes early so that

they can get ahead of the lunch or the

break line think and be creative of ways

to make the other person happy right in

this moment for them to carry out the

vital behaviors that you want them to

I'm grateful that you reached this far I

want to say again that this book has

positively impacted my life and if you

reach this far I'm guessing it's done

the same thing for you social skills are

ever more important and having the

ability to manage people to become a

leader to influence a behavior change in

someone or to make friends and

strengthen relationships in your family

is priceless give that gift to someone

else if you share this skillshare a

class to just one friend you may now

have someone to talk to who has

internalized these principles you would

have converted your friend into a great

empathetic listener and that would be

your benefit scroll down and click on

the share button right now if your

friend uses the link that you send them

they get 14 days off skillshare premium

for free and you get the 10 referral

bonus yes you get the referral bonus

even if you share someone else's class

so it's a win-win I hope you found some

great value in this class I really had

fun making this and going through these

principles once more consider going back

and re-watching your favorite principles

to remind yourself of what to focus on

in your next social interactions you can

keep coming back to this class to

strengthen your understanding of these

social principles finally please scroll

down and leave this skillshare class a

review maybe more people will be able to

find this and that means that more and

more people will learn these social

principles and one final thing

throughout these classes I've mentioned

my side project my my passion my purpose

is to help young men improve their

physical and mental health if that's

something that you're interested in it

most of the content I post is on YouTube

it's all completely free if you want to

improve your health you want to get fit

mentally and physically then my YouTube

link will be in the description and if

you're into self-improvement I think you

will like the content that I post take

care