How I'm working on forgiving my mother.

Summary

In this deeply personal narrative, the speaker reflects on the room where they suffered abuse for the first 11 years of their life. Despite overcoming the trauma mentally, they discover that their body still reacts to the room, evidenced by a 12-point increase in resting heart rate. This realization underscores the profound impact of environment on healing and the importance of acknowledging and addressing unresolved issues. The speaker encourages others to examine their surroundings and relationships for potential subconscious influences on their well-being, advocating for self-awareness and empowerment in the face of adversity.

Takeaways

• 🏠 The speaker sits in a room significant to their childhood trauma, reflecting on the impact it had on their formative years.
• 🧘 The room represents both pain and strength, as the speaker acknowledges the trauma they endured but also their resilience in overcoming it.
• 🤔 The speaker's experience with their imagination as a child served as a coping mechanism during their time of isolation and abuse.
• 💓 The speaker's heart rate data revealed a physiological response to the room, indicating that the body can remember and react to past traumas.
• 🔍 The realization that the room still held power over the speaker's subconscious led to a deeper understanding of the impact of environment on mental health.
• 🌟 Acknowledging and addressing the problem is a crucial step in overcoming past traumas and moving forward.
• 🌱 The speaker emphasizes the importance of self-work and the ongoing process of healing, even after years of believing to have overcome childhood struggles.
• 🔑 Recognizing the truth about oneself, including the biases and denials, is essential for true self-improvement and healing.
• 🌐 The speaker suggests that the environment can have a profound effect on one's ability to heal and overcome past traumas.
• 🚪 The options to deal with an environment that holds negative memories are to either change it, escape from it, or confront and overpower it.
• 💪 The strength gained from overcoming such challenges is a lifelong asset, and the speaker wishes this strength upon those who are struggling.

Q & A

What significant room is the speaker sitting in, and why is it important to them?

The speaker is sitting in the room where they experienced abuse for the first 11 years of their life. It is significant because it represents their formative years and the struggle they overcame to not become a sociopath or a lost soul.

Why did the speaker choose to sit on the floor?

The speaker chose to sit on the floor deliberately because, as a little boy, they mostly sat in that spot, feeling alone and isolated.

What did the speaker do to cope with their isolation as a child?

The speaker coped with their isolation by using their imagination, creating an imaginary world where they could consistently win against their imaginary friends.

How did the speaker's resting heart rate change when they were in the room from their childhood?

The speaker's resting heart rate increased by an average of 12 beats per minute when they were in the room from their childhood.

What does the increase in resting heart rate suggest about the speaker's physical response to the room?

The increase in resting heart rate suggests that the speaker's body still remembers the trauma associated with the room, even though their mind is no longer affected by it.

What realization did the speaker have about the impact of their environment on their mental health?

The speaker realized that the environment, specifically the room from their past, still had power over their subconscious mind and body, affecting their health even after they thought they had overcome their childhood trauma.

What advice does the speaker give to those who are struggling with unresolved issues?

The speaker advises people to look into their environments, including their friends, family, and surroundings, to identify if these factors might be contributing to their struggles and to work on overcoming the issues by acknowledging and addressing them.

How does the speaker suggest dealing with a problematic environment that one cannot change?

The speaker suggests either escaping from the environment and never seeing it again or acknowledging the problem and taking it in one's hands to overpower it.

What does the speaker wish for people who are struggling with pain and trauma?

The speaker wishes for them to gain the strength that comes from overcoming such experiences, which they can carry for the rest of their lives, and to not let their past affect them subconsciously.

What is the importance of acknowledging the truth about one's struggles, according to the speaker?

According to the speaker, acknowledging the truth about one's struggles is important because it allows for a more accurate self-assessment and a clearer path towards healing and overcoming past traumas.

What role did the speaker's imagination play in their healing process?

The speaker's imagination played a crucial role in their healing process by providing an escape from reality and a place where they could feel a sense of control and victory, which was lacking in their real life.

Outlines

00:00

🏚️ Overcoming Childhood Trauma

The speaker reflects on their childhood abuse in a specific room, which had a profound impact on their formative years. Despite overcoming the trauma mentally, the speaker discovers that their body still reacts to the room, evidenced by a 12-point increase in their resting heart rate. This realization underscores the importance of acknowledging and addressing both mental and physical remnants of past traumas. The speaker emphasizes the power of self-awareness and the need to confront and overcome these subconscious influences to achieve true healing.

05:00

💔 The Lingering Impact of Trauma

This paragraph delves into the speaker's realization that their body remembers the trauma of their past, even though they are now an adult. The speaker discusses the importance of recognizing the impact of one's environment on mental health and the healing process. They share their journey of working through the subconscious threat the room still posed, leading to a normalization of their resting heart rate. The speaker encourages others to look at their environments and relationships for potential triggers and to take control of their healing by acknowledging and addressing these issues.

10:00

🌱 Embracing Strength Through Adversity

In the final paragraph, the speaker wishes strength and awareness upon those who are struggling, emphasizing the importance of recognizing and dealing with subconscious influences from one's environment. They suggest that overcoming these challenges can lead to a lifelong strength and resilience. The speaker offers hope and encouragement, urging individuals to take control of their healing process and to not let past traumas dictate their present and future.

Keywords

💡Abuse

Abuse refers to the misuse or cruel treatment of a person, often in a context of power imbalance. In the video's theme, it is the central trauma that the speaker endured during his formative years. The script mentions 'I was beaten up, I was left alone for days at a time,' illustrating the physical and emotional abuse that shaped the speaker's early life and his subsequent struggle to overcome its effects.

💡Isolation

Isolation is the state of being alone or separated from others. The speaker describes being 'alone isolated' in the room, highlighting the loneliness and lack of support that accompanied his abuse. This isolation is a key factor in his story, contributing to the depth of his trauma and the challenges he faced in healing.

💡Imagination

Imagination is the faculty or action of forming images or concepts of external objects not present to the senses. The speaker mentions using his imagination to escape his reality, creating an 'imaginary world' where he could 'always win.' This concept is crucial as it represents a coping mechanism that allowed him to endure and eventually overcome his circumstances.

💡Trauma

Trauma is a deeply distressing or disturbing experience that can have long-lasting emotional effects. The video's theme revolves around the trauma of childhood abuse and its profound impact on the speaker's life. The script states 'this room signifies trauma, and struggle and pain,' emphasizing how the room became a symbol of the suffering he experienced.

💡Strength

Strength in this context refers to the inner resilience and power to overcome adversity. The speaker talks about his journey from being a victim of abuse to becoming a 'strong person' who has 'overcome a vast majority of the struggles.' His story is a testament to the strength that can be found in the face of extreme hardship.

💡Subconscious

The subconscious mind refers to the part of our consciousness that is not in immediate awareness but can influence our thoughts and behavior. The speaker discovered that even though he thought he had overcome his past, his 'body remembered' the abuse, indicating that his subconscious continued to react to the environment associated with his past trauma.

💡Environment

Environment here refers to the surroundings or conditions in which a person lives or operates. The script discusses the power of environment in affecting the speaker's mental and physical state, noting that 'this room itself right now has no power over me,' but his body's reaction showed otherwise, highlighting the deep connection between our environment and our well-being.

💡Vitals

Vitals, in the context of health, refer to a set of measurements that indicate the body's basic functions. The speaker used a watch to measure his 'vitals' and discovered that his resting heart rate increased when in the room of his past abuse. This observation is a key part of the narrative, demonstrating the physiological impact of emotional trauma.

💡Self-work

Self-work involves personal efforts to improve one's mental, emotional, or physical well-being. The speaker mentions having done 'so much self-work' that he became strong and was no longer affected by his past trauma, until he realized there was still work to be done. This concept is central to the video's message about the importance of self-reflection and continuous healing.

💡Overpower

To overpower means to gain control over something, often by force or influence. In the script, the speaker talks about the need to 'overpower' the problems and traumas of the past. This term encapsulates the video's message of taking control of one's healing process and not allowing past experiences to dictate one's present or future.

💡Awareness

Awareness is the state or condition of being conscious of something. The speaker emphasizes the importance of being 'aware' of the 'monster that tries to put me down,' referring to his past trauma. Awareness is portrayed as a crucial step in the healing process, allowing him to confront and overcome the subconscious effects of his past.

Highlights

The speaker reflects on the room where they experienced abuse for the first 11 years of their life, highlighting the impact of the environment on their mental state.

A deliberate choice to sit on the floor symbolizes the speaker's return to their past, a place of isolation and suffering.

The speaker's use of imagination as a coping mechanism during childhood, creating an alternate world where they could always win.

Despite overcoming many struggles, the speaker acknowledges the lingering effects of trauma and the room's continued significance.

The discovery that the speaker's resting heart rate increased when in the room, indicating a physiological response to past trauma.

The realization that mental strength alone may not be enough to overcome the effects of past trauma, emphasizing the importance of addressing environmental factors.

The speaker's journey of self-work and the process of acknowledging that they still have work to do to truly overcome their past.

The importance of recognizing and confronting the truth about one's struggles, rather than ignoring or misidentifying the issues.

The speaker's advice to those struggling with unresolved issues, suggesting they look at their environment and relationships for potential triggers.

The power of awareness in overcoming subconscious trauma, as the speaker's heart rate returned to normal after acknowledging and addressing the room's impact.

The transformative potential of facing and overcoming past traumas, as the speaker wishes strength and resilience upon their audience.

The speaker's message of love and hope, encouraging individuals to not let their past define them and to take control of their healing process.

The idea that the strength gained from overcoming adversity can be carried throughout one's life, serving as a source of resilience.

The speaker's call to action for individuals to escape or overpower their past traumas, emphasizing personal responsibility in the healing process.

The final wish for the audience to have the realization that the environment can have a profound impact on their well-being and to take steps to address it.

Transcripts

right now I sit in the room where I was

abused for the first 11 years of my life

I deliberately decided to sit on the

floor because as a little

boy I mostly would sit in this spot

alone isolated and I would look up like

this at the

window thinking of the World Behind the

Walls of the prison that my mind mother

put me

in I was beaten up I was left alone for

days at a time and I didn't know there

was a different life beyond that abuse

and beyond that

struggle this room is significant

because in this room I spent the

formative years of my life the years

that could have turned me into a

sociopath and to a lost

soul but it

[Music]

didn't I'm

proud and

grateful that it was given to me to be

one of the people who went through

hell all the way

down and then jumped back up to go back

to the surface

and then learned how to fly and went up

sometimes I see myself that way because

as a little boy sitting here in this

room I would work a lot on my

imagination my mind was the only thing

that I had I had my imaginary

friends that I would consistently play

games against and I would always win

that's the world I have built for myself

because I was alone and I was never

winning in this real world so in my

imaginative world I would have poor

imaginary friends who would always lose

against

me but okay this room signifies trauma

and struggle and

pain but it also signifies strength and

today I want to talk to you about

something that recently really surprised

me something that I know

so many of you can learn

from and make your lives

better it's based on data that I have

learned on my own

body this room itself right

now has no power over me in the past few

years I have done so much self-work that

I became a really strong person who is

no longer affected by trauma who

overcame

a vast majority of the struggles that I

have been put through for so many years

of my

life I thought I was totally clean when

it comes to my childhood trauma but then

the data said something

else on one of the trips right here to

this room I use my Watch to measure my

my vitals

and I've been doing it for a long long

time so I have very specific data about

my

health and on one of the trips I came

here and I realized that I haven't

changed anything in my life and yet as I

slept here as I spent time in this room

my resting heart rate went by 12 on

average 12

up now if you know anything about

Fitness and Health you know that it is

not very likely for someone to have a

resting heart rate below 50 which is

very good one to jump to like

65 and prolong it for a couple of days

almost 2 weeks then I went back home to

to my house and my resting heart rate

just went down to the regular at first I

thought this is not significant but then

I start started thinking what could it

be that has a power over my health to

this point and this is the moment where

so many lessons can be learned because

this room has been so significant to the

abuse I have received even though

mentally right here it poses no threat

anymore my body

remembered it remembered that this

environment is not good that I am not

safe here that I will be hurt here and

so even though I am 34 years

old I came home and my body still

remembers that little boy who was going

through

abuse when you

realize that it is not only your head

but also your past and your body that

stares the pain the trauma it is much

easier to truly work

your way out of

it I am confident that so many of you

right now are struggling with something

and you

think that you simply run out of options

you work on yourself you focus on the

right things you try to think positive

and yet you struggle mentally why is

that well too little do we talk about

the aspect of our environment and how if

the environment doesn't change

sometimes it is impossible for us to fix

our past and our

traumas but having the

knowledge of how the environment and

where we are can have a power over us

allows us to focus on the right things

when we work through our struggles in my

case when I realized that this room

still poses threat to me in my

subconscious mind in my body I worked

specifically on

this I

stopped I thought about all the past I

had here or at least the very little

memories I can

remember and I worked through it

mentally knowing that I do have a

problem and acknowledging that idea that

you still have a problem is

Big too often do I see people unable to

look at

themselves through a scope of

Truth we are incredibly biased when it

comes to ourselves and

ironically very often the people who are

the most negative about

themselves they usually pick the wrong

things that they have have a problem

with and don't see the truth about

themselves in my

case I was confident I

overcame my struggles from childhood for

many years

now and yet I had to acknowledge that I

still have a lot of work to do in order

to truly truly cut that tie with my

abusive

past and perhaps that is the lesson I

can give you that is not only my opinion

but also is simply the data because

right now as I sit in this room on

another trip as I did my work as I

worked through it my heart rate is

exactly the same as back in my other

home I no longer have these jumps

because I am aware of the monster that

tries to put me down Pull Me Back remind

me of the issues subconsciously without

me thinking of it I am aware of it and I

won't let it control me and I wish this

upon you to all the struggling people on

the other side of the camera who simply

no longer know why the hell are they

going through so much pain even though

if they try their

best look into your

environments your

friends

family your room your your

town your

country it can go into any size any

scope but you don't have control over

this I cannot move this room and put it

somewhere else it has to be here it has

to store the memories the traumatic

memories that I had here it has to and

so if you can't change something you can

either Escape from

it and never see it

again

or you can realize that there is a

problem and you take that problem in

your hands and overpower it that is what

I wish upon you because the strength you

receive through such an experience you

will carry for the rest of your life I

love you

all and I wish you the best

I hope that whatever environment you're

in at the very least you can have the

realization that I

had and not let it affect you

subconsciously all the best