Striking Logic Behind Islam’s Prohibition! - “Dating is Prohibited? But Why?” | Towards Eternity

Summary

The video explores the emotional turmoil and psychological impacts of breakups, particularly in the context of forbidden love in Islam. It compares love to holding a candle that initially illuminates but eventually causes pain and leaves scars. The speaker discusses an experiment with young adults who experienced breakups, revealing common feelings of sadness, loneliness, and despair. The video emphasizes that Islam offers a structured way to find true love and avoid the pains of illicit relationships by encouraging marriages built on strong, mutual foundations and the guidance of Allah.

Takeaways

• 🔥 Being in love is compared to holding a candle that initially illuminates but eventually melts and burns.
• 😢 Breakups often leave individuals feeling darker and more hurt than before.
• 🧪 An experiment conducted on people who broke up revealed common feelings of sadness, regret, and unreciprocated love.
• 💔 Most relationships in the experiment ended within two years, highlighting the fragility of non-marital bonds.
• 👥 The majority of breakups involve one person leaving the other, leading to feelings of unrequited love and emotional pain.
• 🧠 Psychological damages from breakups include unreciprocated love, depression, loneliness, despair, and guilt over forbidden love.
• 🕌 Islam emphasizes avoiding premarital relationships to prevent emotional pain and encourage healthy, serious bonds through marriage.
• 👫 Islam allows for a period of getting to know each other before marriage, with family involvement and serious intentions.
• ⚖️ Flirting often focuses on fun rather than the serious aspects of a relationship, leading to misunderstandings and potential divorces.
• 📜 True happiness in marriage, according to Islam, comes from following divine guidance and building a solid, respectful foundation.

Q & A

What metaphor is used to describe being in love?

Being in love is likened to holding a candle, which initially illuminates the world but eventually melts, causing pain, and finally dies, leaving darkness and burns behind.

What does the speaker suggest is a common pattern in relationships?

The speaker suggests that relationships often start with intense feelings and affectionate exchanges but can end abruptly with messages like 'I can't do this anymore,' leading to sadness and confusion.

How does the speaker describe the impact of a breakup on an individual?

The speaker describes the impact of a breakup as devastating, leading to sadness, shame, and persistent thoughts about the ex-partner. It can cause emotional turmoil, disrupt daily life, and result in feelings of loneliness and worthlessness.

What does the speaker suggest about the nature of forbidden love in Islam?

The speaker suggests that forbidden love, or relationships outside of marriage, are impermissible in Islam and often lead to emotional pain and psychological damage.

What are the five main psychological damages of forbidden love mentioned?

The five main psychological damages are: the pain of unrequited love, depression, loneliness, despair, and the spiritual consequences of engaging in forbidden relationships.

What does the speaker indicate about the purpose of Islamic guidelines on relationships?

The speaker indicates that Islamic guidelines on relationships aim to prevent emotional pain and mistakes by encouraging serious bonds like marriage and involving families in the process.

What is the experiment mentioned in the script about, and what were its findings?

The experiment studied the feelings of individuals who experienced breakups. It found that most relationships ended within a year, with many ending painfully and leaving emotional damage. Only 18% ended with mutual agreement.

How does the speaker address the question of getting to know someone before marriage in Islam?

The speaker explains that Islam allows for a getting-to-know period before marriage, involving serious discussions and family involvement, to prevent pain and ensure a solid foundation for marriage.

What analogy is used to describe the consequences of not following Islamic guidance in marriage?

An analogy is used comparing individuals to travelers carrying burdens. Not trusting Allah's guidance in marriage is likened to carrying one's own burden throughout the journey instead of leaving it on the deck.

What message does the speaker convey about the ultimate source of happiness in marriage?

The speaker conveys that true happiness in marriage comes from following Allah's guidance and seeking a spouse according to the rules set by Allah, as He knows what is best for us.

Outlines

00:00

🕯️ The Pain of Love and Breakups

Being in love is compared to holding a candle, which initially illuminates but eventually melts and causes pain, leaving behind darkness and burns. This metaphor encapsulates the feelings of those who have experienced painful breakups. The script introduces an experiment on individuals who have gone through breakups, detailing their feelings and the common patterns in relationships. It discusses the initial joy and love shared, which abruptly ends with unexpected messages of separation, leading to feelings of sadness, confusion, and heartbreak.

05:01

💔 Psychological Impacts of Breakups

The second paragraph delves into the five main psychological damages caused by breakups and forbidden love, as articulated by prominent Islamic scholar B Zaman. These include the pain of unrequited love, depression, loneliness, despair, and the consequences of engaging in forbidden relationships according to Islamic teachings. The paragraph underscores the emotional turmoil and long-lasting impact of these relationships, suggesting that adhering to the guidelines of Halal love in Islam can prevent such pain.

10:03

💍 Knowing Your Partner Before Marriage

This paragraph clarifies the Islamic perspective on getting to know a potential spouse before marriage. It explains that Islam allows a period of acquaintance before marriage, involving families and ensuring a serious and respectful approach. The goal is to understand each other's personalities, expectations, and values deeply. Unlike casual dating, this process aims to build a relationship on a solid foundation, preventing future disappointments and ensuring a harmonious marriage based on mutual respect and understanding.

Keywords

💡Breakup

A breakup is the end of a romantic relationship. In the video, it is described as a painful experience where one feels intense sadness, loneliness, and despair. The narrative discusses the emotional turmoil following a breakup, including feelings of unreciprocated love and the psychological damages it causes.

💡Forbidden Love

Forbidden love refers to a romantic relationship that is not allowed or accepted, particularly in the context of religious or cultural norms. The video explains that in Islam, love outside of marriage is considered forbidden and can lead to various psychological harms, as it is believed to deviate from what is morally and spiritually correct.

💡Halal Love

Halal love is a relationship that is permissible and encouraged within Islamic teachings, typically referring to love within marriage. The video contrasts this with forbidden love, suggesting that halal love, guided by Islamic principles, brings about true happiness and emotional stability.

💡Unreciprocated Love

Unreciprocated love is when one person's feelings of love are not returned by the other person. In the video, it is highlighted as one of the primary pains associated with forbidden love, causing emotional distress and feelings of inadequacy and rejection.

💡Despair

Despair is the feeling of hopelessness and utter defeat. The video describes despair as a consequence of breakups and forbidden love, where individuals feel lost and unable to move forward. It emphasizes that true believers in Allah should find hope and solace in their faith.

💡Loneliness

Loneliness is the feeling of being alone and isolated. In the context of the video, it is a common aftermath of breakups, where individuals feel misunderstood and disconnected from others. The narrative suggests that turning to faith and seeking comfort in Allah can alleviate this loneliness.

💡Repentance

Repentance is the act of seeking forgiveness for past wrongdoings and making a commitment to change. The video emphasizes that through repentance, one can heal from the pains of forbidden love and find peace and purification in their heart.

💡Depression

Depression is a severe mood disorder characterized by persistent feelings of sadness and loss of interest. The video links depression to the emotional fallout of breakups and forbidden love, describing how it can disrupt daily life and drain one's energy and joy.

💡Jealousy

Jealousy is the emotion of feeling envious and resentful towards someone else’s success or happiness. The video describes jealousy as one of the troubles associated with forbidden love, where individuals may experience intense jealousy and insecurity, leading to further emotional pain.

💡Emotional Damage

Emotional damage refers to the lasting psychological effects caused by traumatic experiences. The video discusses how breakups and forbidden love can leave individuals with deep emotional scars, affecting their mental well-being and future relationships.

Highlights

Being in love is like holding a candle: it starts by illuminating the world around you, but eventually melts, hurts, and leaves you in darkness with burns.

Breakup stories follow a common pattern: initial happiness, affectionate messages, followed by an unexpected end that leaves one partner heartbroken.

An experiment on breakups found that almost half of relationships ended within a year, with 30% lasting 1-2 years, primarily due to lack of serious commitment.

Participants of the breakup experiment reported persistent thoughts about their ex, sadness, and an inability to move on easily.

Only 18% of the relationships ended with mutual agreement, indicating that most breakups involved one partner leaving the other.

The pain of unrequited love is highlighted as a common issue in relationships lacking serious bonds like marriage.

Depression is identified as a major consequence of breakups, with affected individuals experiencing a loss of life energy and disrupted daily routines.

Loneliness is another significant damage caused by breakups, leading to feelings of emptiness and helplessness.

Despair grows like cancer in individuals who have distanced themselves from their faith, leading to feelings of hopelessness.

Islam advises against forbidden love, viewing it as the first step towards major sins and emotional harm.

Islam encourages Halal love within marriage, emphasizing mutual respect and the intention to please Allah, contrasting with the temporary pleasure of forbidden love.

Islam provides a process for getting to know potential spouses that involves family and prevents emotional pain and mistakes.

The Islamic meeting process for marriage focuses on understanding each other's mindsets, expectations, and compatibility rather than just having fun.

Islam teaches that true happiness in marriage comes from following Allah's commands and trusting in His plan.

The video concludes by stressing the importance of seeking a spouse according to Islamic rules to achieve a happy and fulfilling marriage.

Transcripts

being in love is like holding a candle

at first it illuminates the world around

you then it starts melting and hurting

you finally it dies and everything is

darker than ever before and the only

thing you're left with is the burns

apparently the one who said this

statement must have had a lot of

unpleasant experiences maybe some of you

said this sentence expressed my feelings

actually you're not alone an experiment

was conducted on those who felt the same

things in other words who broke up with

their lovers and they were asked about

their feelings some surprising answers

were given I will tell you about the

details of this experiment in a moment

but don't you think that breakup stories

are actually always the same doesn't the

course of a relationship always work

like this in the early days everything

is going fine you tell each other words

of Love texting messages like good

morning sweet dreams I love you then you

want to see you want to hold your

Lover's hand you can't stop yourself in

the midst of these intense feelings as

life is going on with him or her like

this you start your day again with the

beautiful text message but you receive

another message in the evening I can't

do this

anymore all of a sudden you are stunned

shocked that is a message you never

expected when everything was so good

what happened with this message the life

you dreamed of the life you thought was

beautiful and happy is turned upside

down days pass but you think about the

thing that happened you feel sad you

feel ashamed and you can't stop thinking

about her you say why you try to make

make sense of it but you can't find an

answer you feel her absence so much your

heart is in pieces and you fall apart

crying fit start maybe you start cursing

her but isn't this the person you

uttered beautiful sentences to the

person you loved more than anyone the

person for whom you said I will die for

you what happened that she killed your

love and moved on with her life what

happened that you are in this state now

you hear about her from your friends you

think about the possibility of her

loving another person you get angry you

feel sick you ask for help from your

friends but they say things like we told

you so how couldn't you realize or

things like you will forget over time

it'll pass you say to yourself if only

it were that easy if only this feeling

would go away when I wanted to then it

Dawns on you that having a relationship

outside of marriage has always been

impermissible in Islam anyway perhaps my

Lord wanted to prevent this pain I'm

going through now nowadays movies TV

series and social media tell us how

enjoyable it is to flirt but they never

tell us how sad songs represent the pain

it causes flirting is called forbidden

love in Islam when I say this some of

you might say how can we get married

then how can you make this important

decision without knowing that person

first actually it's not that Islam tells

you get married without ever meeting you

will get to know each other in the

future anyway no this issue is

completely misunderstood I'll get to

this in a moment but now I want to quote

a statement related to this subject from

one of the most prominent Scholars of

Islam B Zaman sayi he says forbidden

love with many troubles such as the pain

of jealousy the pain of breaking up and

feeling an unreciprocated love turns

that little pleasure into a poisonous

honey from the outside it looks

delicious but actually it's a type of

Love That poisons you from the inside

and this poison leaves psychological

damages behind there are five main

damages I'm going to talk about but

before explaining them let me tell you

the results of the experiment I

mentioned to you in the beginning the

experiment about the feelings of

breaking up they conducted this

experiment on hundreds of people most of

them are between the ages of 18 and 25

what they have in common is that they

all had a breakup some of them were

abandoned some of them were cheated on

some of them broke up voluntarily some

broke up with mutual agreement Etc when

we look at the results we notice this

almost half of the relationships ended

before even completing one year around

30% of them continued for 1 to 2 years

this means that when the goal was not

marriage but flirting most of the

relationships ended and they were not

easy endings mostly they left an

emotional damage behind some

participants of the experiment expressed

their feelings with the following words

thoughts about her keep coming to my

mind thinking about memories of her

takes up most of my time I feel sad when

I think that we won't be together again

I delay my daily tasks because I keep

thinking about her no one will ever fill

her space in my life we also see this in

the results only 18% of these

relationships ended with mutual

agreement do you know what this means

this means that in in most of the

breakups one of them left the other this

might have happened because in dating

the majority of the individuals are not

loved as much as they love the other

person coup's feelings towards each

other are not on the same level exactly

like B Zaman mentioned there is the pain

of unrequited love let's now talk about

the five main psychological damages

flirting causes remember the poisonous

honey analogy after The Taste of Honey

passes only the burning sense of poison

remains first the pain of unrequited

love in in other words the pain of not

receiving love as much as you give we

talked about this just now when there's

no serious bond between you and your

partner like marriage in the Halal

Circle can you expect to be loved as

much as you love I don't think so she

didn't give you any promises about that

even if she did how sincere could the

promise be that is given in a Haram

relationship experience shows us if

you're looking for this and flirting the

only thing you will get will be

disappointment there's no guarantee for

your love to be returned so you will

always have doubt in your mind second

damage depression inevitably you're

strongly connected to the other person

and when this relationship ends

emotionally you are destroyed everything

loses its meaning your life energy is

drained many things are disrupted down

to your eating and sleeping habits you

remember the moments you had together

the memories that made you feel happy

before are causing pain now even the

most fun things in life don't give you

any Joy because you have a pain you

cannot get over it's like your heart

tells tells you with all its suffering

why did you dirty me with forbidden love

you turned your heart towards someone

other than its rightful owner other than

Allah to someone he didn't allow and now

he's punishing you like this but do not

forget the punishment will surely be

over someday if you learn your listen

the doors of repentance are wide open if

you repent the pain you have felt will

be a sign that your heart is healing the

punishment will end and it will leave a

purified heart behind instead of trying

to find the rays of the sun around you

you will turn your face directly to the

sun now and your heart will come back to

life again third loneliness you cannot

tell anybody what you're going through

and even if you do nobody understands it

you become introverted and you start

feeling helpless and even worthless

there's a constant feeling of emptiness

inside you and sometimes to cope with

this emotional pain you want to cry your

mind flashes back to the moment your

relationship ended you think no one in

your life will ever feel hurt place

you're thinking all this but how quickly

you forgot that the only one whose place

will never be filled is Allah now as a

punishment for this you're feeling

lonely remember the lesson repeats

itself until it's learned then without

having to go through the same trial take

advantage of this loneliness and turn

your face towards your Lord because only

he can understand you fourth damage

despair just like cancer it starts to

grow inside you as though you have lived

your entire life with her you don't know

what to do without her anymore you've

lost your way you want to forget you

don't want to remember but you can't do

it you're not able to you can't help it

your heart is in pieces but do not

forget despair is for those who don't

truly know Allah there's no room for

despair for those who know him you had

distanced yourself from your R and this

is how he reminded you of himself and if

he has now reminded himself to you the

first person who should be hopeful is

you then leave those who left you and

those who are going to leave you it's

enough for you to know that your lord

hasn't left you and the last image the

pain in Haram our Lord commands Us in

the 32nd Ayah ofah is do not go near

adultery here it is told that not just

the Final Act of adultery but we should

stay away even from the ways that lead

to it Allah who created us of course is

the one who knows us the best when such

an intimacy occurs you may be

defenseless against our desires our nefs

and the devil there are countless people

who committed irreversible mistakes in

this way Haram love however innocent it

may seem is the first step towards this

major sin so even dreaming of forbidden

love can lead a person to the wrong path

while you have the chance to experience

everything with your spouse for the

first time your previous life can

overshadow it on the one hand holding

her hand for the first time traveling

with her for the first time experiencing

all the firsts together and on the other

hand not being able to offer her a very

clean you imagine you are spending time

with your spouse and suddenly you

remember your ex-girlfriend that you did

the same thing with how long can you

take it or would you want your spouse to

have experienced the same thing with

someone else in the past our Lord says

in the 26th Ayah of Surah good women are

for good men and good men are for good

women remember brother sister your

choices today have the value to

determine your future spouse so Islam

offers us Halal love and the method of

reaching it so that we don't suffer for

instance Islam wants you to love your

spouse and see her as an am as your

Eternal spouse in the Hereafter and as

someone who protects your faith the

intention of a couple who loves each

other for the sake of Allah is to gain

the pleasure of Allah even death can't

stand in the way of this relationship

both should regard each other as

companions on the road to Eternity and

companions in heaven the difference

between Forbidden Love and Halal Love is

Like Heaven and Hell in both worlds now

it's time to answer the question that

you might be very curious about in a

marriage like Islam told us how could we

know the other person how can we get

married without flirting is it possible

to really know somebody isn't that a

risk let me clarify this issue Islam

doesn't say that you can only know each

other after you get married there's a

getting to know period before marriage

as well but what Islam does is that it

brings seriousness and includes families

in the matter it takes precautions to

prevent pain and mistakes men and women

meet in such a way that they don't stay

alone they ask questions to each other

they are given the opportunity to get to

know each other really well they look at

if there's an attraction between them

then these meetings continue for some

time with questions asked with

understanding each other's mindsets with

looking at if their hearts are inclined

to one another this matter will come to

a conclusion or they can decide not to

continue these meetings in flirting

people generally just want to have fun

but marriage is not all about this

having fun together does not necessarily

mean that he or she is the right person

these two people will go through hard

times they will have disagreements there

will be crisis to manage they will see

all aspects of each other's

personalities and if Allah grants them

they will then raise children together

you see couples who FLIR for years

focusing on just feelings and desires

may get divorced saying I thought I knew

you however in the Islamic meeting

process this is not how it works the

focus of both sides is not to convince

the other person but rather to try to

decide if he or she is the right person

the goal here is to try to know the

other person with every one of their

positive and negative qualities it's to

learn from his or her friends and family

about the aspects of them that you can

and cannot get along with to understand

their expectations from marriage and the

things they don't want in a marriage in

other words it is to learn what you are

going to deal with at the very beginning

so that both of you can build your

relationship on a solid foundation we

humans are weak faulty beings and we are

not perfect but despite being imperfect

we are after perfect love and we expect

to find that person not with the ways

given by Allah by the one who know knows

our heart and our needs best but with

our own ways there's an analogy given

byi our situation is just like that it

goes like this we board the ship and we

are carrying some burdens in our hands

normally what we should do is to travel

by leaving our load on the deck but we

do the opposite until the end of the

voyage we say no I'll carry my own

burden in other words without realizing

it we are saying that we don't trust the

owner of the ship just like this also on

the issue of marriage when we don't

surrender ourselves to Allah it is like

we don't trust him he knows us better

than ourselves he's capable of giving us

whatever we need everything is in his

power not ours he knows us better than

ourselves he's capable of giving us

whatever we need everything is in his

power not ours he knows the best and

most appropriate for us not ourselves

then what could be more logical than

obeying his command if we pray and he

wants to grant us a happy marriage who

can stop it from happening since every

situation we come across is actually

like a message a letter that tells us

about Allah marriage too is both a test

and a letter to let us know Allah the

important thing is to understand the

meaning behind these situations well

let's finish the video with this

question if Allah is the one who creates

happiness than to reach happiness in

marriage shouldn't we look for our

spouse according to the rules he said

may Allah Grant all of us good marriages

am mean

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