Striking Logic Behind Islam’s Prohibition! - “Dating is Prohibited? But Why?” | Towards Eternity
Summary
TLDRThe video explores the emotional turmoil and psychological impacts of breakups, particularly in the context of forbidden love in Islam. It compares love to holding a candle that initially illuminates but eventually causes pain and leaves scars. The speaker discusses an experiment with young adults who experienced breakups, revealing common feelings of sadness, loneliness, and despair. The video emphasizes that Islam offers a structured way to find true love and avoid the pains of illicit relationships by encouraging marriages built on strong, mutual foundations and the guidance of Allah.
Takeaways
- 🔥 Being in love is compared to holding a candle that initially illuminates but eventually melts and burns.
- 😢 Breakups often leave individuals feeling darker and more hurt than before.
- 🧪 An experiment conducted on people who broke up revealed common feelings of sadness, regret, and unreciprocated love.
- 💔 Most relationships in the experiment ended within two years, highlighting the fragility of non-marital bonds.
- 👥 The majority of breakups involve one person leaving the other, leading to feelings of unrequited love and emotional pain.
- 🧠 Psychological damages from breakups include unreciprocated love, depression, loneliness, despair, and guilt over forbidden love.
- 🕌 Islam emphasizes avoiding premarital relationships to prevent emotional pain and encourage healthy, serious bonds through marriage.
- 👫 Islam allows for a period of getting to know each other before marriage, with family involvement and serious intentions.
- ⚖️ Flirting often focuses on fun rather than the serious aspects of a relationship, leading to misunderstandings and potential divorces.
- 📜 True happiness in marriage, according to Islam, comes from following divine guidance and building a solid, respectful foundation.
Q & A
What metaphor is used to describe being in love?
-Being in love is likened to holding a candle, which initially illuminates the world but eventually melts, causing pain, and finally dies, leaving darkness and burns behind.
What does the speaker suggest is a common pattern in relationships?
-The speaker suggests that relationships often start with intense feelings and affectionate exchanges but can end abruptly with messages like 'I can't do this anymore,' leading to sadness and confusion.
How does the speaker describe the impact of a breakup on an individual?
-The speaker describes the impact of a breakup as devastating, leading to sadness, shame, and persistent thoughts about the ex-partner. It can cause emotional turmoil, disrupt daily life, and result in feelings of loneliness and worthlessness.
What does the speaker suggest about the nature of forbidden love in Islam?
-The speaker suggests that forbidden love, or relationships outside of marriage, are impermissible in Islam and often lead to emotional pain and psychological damage.
What are the five main psychological damages of forbidden love mentioned?
-The five main psychological damages are: the pain of unrequited love, depression, loneliness, despair, and the spiritual consequences of engaging in forbidden relationships.
What does the speaker indicate about the purpose of Islamic guidelines on relationships?
-The speaker indicates that Islamic guidelines on relationships aim to prevent emotional pain and mistakes by encouraging serious bonds like marriage and involving families in the process.
What is the experiment mentioned in the script about, and what were its findings?
-The experiment studied the feelings of individuals who experienced breakups. It found that most relationships ended within a year, with many ending painfully and leaving emotional damage. Only 18% ended with mutual agreement.
How does the speaker address the question of getting to know someone before marriage in Islam?
-The speaker explains that Islam allows for a getting-to-know period before marriage, involving serious discussions and family involvement, to prevent pain and ensure a solid foundation for marriage.
What analogy is used to describe the consequences of not following Islamic guidance in marriage?
-An analogy is used comparing individuals to travelers carrying burdens. Not trusting Allah's guidance in marriage is likened to carrying one's own burden throughout the journey instead of leaving it on the deck.
What message does the speaker convey about the ultimate source of happiness in marriage?
-The speaker conveys that true happiness in marriage comes from following Allah's guidance and seeking a spouse according to the rules set by Allah, as He knows what is best for us.
Outlines
🕯️ The Pain of Love and Breakups
Being in love is compared to holding a candle, which initially illuminates but eventually melts and causes pain, leaving behind darkness and burns. This metaphor encapsulates the feelings of those who have experienced painful breakups. The script introduces an experiment on individuals who have gone through breakups, detailing their feelings and the common patterns in relationships. It discusses the initial joy and love shared, which abruptly ends with unexpected messages of separation, leading to feelings of sadness, confusion, and heartbreak.
💔 Psychological Impacts of Breakups
The second paragraph delves into the five main psychological damages caused by breakups and forbidden love, as articulated by prominent Islamic scholar B Zaman. These include the pain of unrequited love, depression, loneliness, despair, and the consequences of engaging in forbidden relationships according to Islamic teachings. The paragraph underscores the emotional turmoil and long-lasting impact of these relationships, suggesting that adhering to the guidelines of Halal love in Islam can prevent such pain.
💍 Knowing Your Partner Before Marriage
This paragraph clarifies the Islamic perspective on getting to know a potential spouse before marriage. It explains that Islam allows a period of acquaintance before marriage, involving families and ensuring a serious and respectful approach. The goal is to understand each other's personalities, expectations, and values deeply. Unlike casual dating, this process aims to build a relationship on a solid foundation, preventing future disappointments and ensuring a harmonious marriage based on mutual respect and understanding.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Breakup
💡Forbidden Love
💡Halal Love
💡Unreciprocated Love
💡Despair
💡Loneliness
💡Repentance
💡Depression
💡Jealousy
💡Emotional Damage
Highlights
Being in love is like holding a candle: it starts by illuminating the world around you, but eventually melts, hurts, and leaves you in darkness with burns.
Breakup stories follow a common pattern: initial happiness, affectionate messages, followed by an unexpected end that leaves one partner heartbroken.
An experiment on breakups found that almost half of relationships ended within a year, with 30% lasting 1-2 years, primarily due to lack of serious commitment.
Participants of the breakup experiment reported persistent thoughts about their ex, sadness, and an inability to move on easily.
Only 18% of the relationships ended with mutual agreement, indicating that most breakups involved one partner leaving the other.
The pain of unrequited love is highlighted as a common issue in relationships lacking serious bonds like marriage.
Depression is identified as a major consequence of breakups, with affected individuals experiencing a loss of life energy and disrupted daily routines.
Loneliness is another significant damage caused by breakups, leading to feelings of emptiness and helplessness.
Despair grows like cancer in individuals who have distanced themselves from their faith, leading to feelings of hopelessness.
Islam advises against forbidden love, viewing it as the first step towards major sins and emotional harm.
Islam encourages Halal love within marriage, emphasizing mutual respect and the intention to please Allah, contrasting with the temporary pleasure of forbidden love.
Islam provides a process for getting to know potential spouses that involves family and prevents emotional pain and mistakes.
The Islamic meeting process for marriage focuses on understanding each other's mindsets, expectations, and compatibility rather than just having fun.
Islam teaches that true happiness in marriage comes from following Allah's commands and trusting in His plan.
The video concludes by stressing the importance of seeking a spouse according to Islamic rules to achieve a happy and fulfilling marriage.
Transcripts
being in love is like holding a candle
at first it illuminates the world around
you then it starts melting and hurting
you finally it dies and everything is
darker than ever before and the only
thing you're left with is the burns
apparently the one who said this
statement must have had a lot of
unpleasant experiences maybe some of you
said this sentence expressed my feelings
actually you're not alone an experiment
was conducted on those who felt the same
things in other words who broke up with
their lovers and they were asked about
their feelings some surprising answers
were given I will tell you about the
details of this experiment in a moment
but don't you think that breakup stories
are actually always the same doesn't the
course of a relationship always work
like this in the early days everything
is going fine you tell each other words
of Love texting messages like good
morning sweet dreams I love you then you
want to see you want to hold your
Lover's hand you can't stop yourself in
the midst of these intense feelings as
life is going on with him or her like
this you start your day again with the
beautiful text message but you receive
another message in the evening I can't
do this
anymore all of a sudden you are stunned
shocked that is a message you never
expected when everything was so good
what happened with this message the life
you dreamed of the life you thought was
beautiful and happy is turned upside
down days pass but you think about the
thing that happened you feel sad you
feel ashamed and you can't stop thinking
about her you say why you try to make
make sense of it but you can't find an
answer you feel her absence so much your
heart is in pieces and you fall apart
crying fit start maybe you start cursing
her but isn't this the person you
uttered beautiful sentences to the
person you loved more than anyone the
person for whom you said I will die for
you what happened that she killed your
love and moved on with her life what
happened that you are in this state now
you hear about her from your friends you
think about the possibility of her
loving another person you get angry you
feel sick you ask for help from your
friends but they say things like we told
you so how couldn't you realize or
things like you will forget over time
it'll pass you say to yourself if only
it were that easy if only this feeling
would go away when I wanted to then it
Dawns on you that having a relationship
outside of marriage has always been
impermissible in Islam anyway perhaps my
Lord wanted to prevent this pain I'm
going through now nowadays movies TV
series and social media tell us how
enjoyable it is to flirt but they never
tell us how sad songs represent the pain
it causes flirting is called forbidden
love in Islam when I say this some of
you might say how can we get married
then how can you make this important
decision without knowing that person
first actually it's not that Islam tells
you get married without ever meeting you
will get to know each other in the
future anyway no this issue is
completely misunderstood I'll get to
this in a moment but now I want to quote
a statement related to this subject from
one of the most prominent Scholars of
Islam B Zaman sayi he says forbidden
love with many troubles such as the pain
of jealousy the pain of breaking up and
feeling an unreciprocated love turns
that little pleasure into a poisonous
honey from the outside it looks
delicious but actually it's a type of
Love That poisons you from the inside
and this poison leaves psychological
damages behind there are five main
damages I'm going to talk about but
before explaining them let me tell you
the results of the experiment I
mentioned to you in the beginning the
experiment about the feelings of
breaking up they conducted this
experiment on hundreds of people most of
them are between the ages of 18 and 25
what they have in common is that they
all had a breakup some of them were
abandoned some of them were cheated on
some of them broke up voluntarily some
broke up with mutual agreement Etc when
we look at the results we notice this
almost half of the relationships ended
before even completing one year around
30% of them continued for 1 to 2 years
this means that when the goal was not
marriage but flirting most of the
relationships ended and they were not
easy endings mostly they left an
emotional damage behind some
participants of the experiment expressed
their feelings with the following words
thoughts about her keep coming to my
mind thinking about memories of her
takes up most of my time I feel sad when
I think that we won't be together again
I delay my daily tasks because I keep
thinking about her no one will ever fill
her space in my life we also see this in
the results only 18% of these
relationships ended with mutual
agreement do you know what this means
this means that in in most of the
breakups one of them left the other this
might have happened because in dating
the majority of the individuals are not
loved as much as they love the other
person coup's feelings towards each
other are not on the same level exactly
like B Zaman mentioned there is the pain
of unrequited love let's now talk about
the five main psychological damages
flirting causes remember the poisonous
honey analogy after The Taste of Honey
passes only the burning sense of poison
remains first the pain of unrequited
love in in other words the pain of not
receiving love as much as you give we
talked about this just now when there's
no serious bond between you and your
partner like marriage in the Halal
Circle can you expect to be loved as
much as you love I don't think so she
didn't give you any promises about that
even if she did how sincere could the
promise be that is given in a Haram
relationship experience shows us if
you're looking for this and flirting the
only thing you will get will be
disappointment there's no guarantee for
your love to be returned so you will
always have doubt in your mind second
damage depression inevitably you're
strongly connected to the other person
and when this relationship ends
emotionally you are destroyed everything
loses its meaning your life energy is
drained many things are disrupted down
to your eating and sleeping habits you
remember the moments you had together
the memories that made you feel happy
before are causing pain now even the
most fun things in life don't give you
any Joy because you have a pain you
cannot get over it's like your heart
tells tells you with all its suffering
why did you dirty me with forbidden love
you turned your heart towards someone
other than its rightful owner other than
Allah to someone he didn't allow and now
he's punishing you like this but do not
forget the punishment will surely be
over someday if you learn your listen
the doors of repentance are wide open if
you repent the pain you have felt will
be a sign that your heart is healing the
punishment will end and it will leave a
purified heart behind instead of trying
to find the rays of the sun around you
you will turn your face directly to the
sun now and your heart will come back to
life again third loneliness you cannot
tell anybody what you're going through
and even if you do nobody understands it
you become introverted and you start
feeling helpless and even worthless
there's a constant feeling of emptiness
inside you and sometimes to cope with
this emotional pain you want to cry your
mind flashes back to the moment your
relationship ended you think no one in
your life will ever feel hurt place
you're thinking all this but how quickly
you forgot that the only one whose place
will never be filled is Allah now as a
punishment for this you're feeling
lonely remember the lesson repeats
itself until it's learned then without
having to go through the same trial take
advantage of this loneliness and turn
your face towards your Lord because only
he can understand you fourth damage
despair just like cancer it starts to
grow inside you as though you have lived
your entire life with her you don't know
what to do without her anymore you've
lost your way you want to forget you
don't want to remember but you can't do
it you're not able to you can't help it
your heart is in pieces but do not
forget despair is for those who don't
truly know Allah there's no room for
despair for those who know him you had
distanced yourself from your R and this
is how he reminded you of himself and if
he has now reminded himself to you the
first person who should be hopeful is
you then leave those who left you and
those who are going to leave you it's
enough for you to know that your lord
hasn't left you and the last image the
pain in Haram our Lord commands Us in
the 32nd Ayah ofah is do not go near
adultery here it is told that not just
the Final Act of adultery but we should
stay away even from the ways that lead
to it Allah who created us of course is
the one who knows us the best when such
an intimacy occurs you may be
defenseless against our desires our nefs
and the devil there are countless people
who committed irreversible mistakes in
this way Haram love however innocent it
may seem is the first step towards this
major sin so even dreaming of forbidden
love can lead a person to the wrong path
while you have the chance to experience
everything with your spouse for the
first time your previous life can
overshadow it on the one hand holding
her hand for the first time traveling
with her for the first time experiencing
all the firsts together and on the other
hand not being able to offer her a very
clean you imagine you are spending time
with your spouse and suddenly you
remember your ex-girlfriend that you did
the same thing with how long can you
take it or would you want your spouse to
have experienced the same thing with
someone else in the past our Lord says
in the 26th Ayah of Surah good women are
for good men and good men are for good
women remember brother sister your
choices today have the value to
determine your future spouse so Islam
offers us Halal love and the method of
reaching it so that we don't suffer for
instance Islam wants you to love your
spouse and see her as an am as your
Eternal spouse in the Hereafter and as
someone who protects your faith the
intention of a couple who loves each
other for the sake of Allah is to gain
the pleasure of Allah even death can't
stand in the way of this relationship
both should regard each other as
companions on the road to Eternity and
companions in heaven the difference
between Forbidden Love and Halal Love is
Like Heaven and Hell in both worlds now
it's time to answer the question that
you might be very curious about in a
marriage like Islam told us how could we
know the other person how can we get
married without flirting is it possible
to really know somebody isn't that a
risk let me clarify this issue Islam
doesn't say that you can only know each
other after you get married there's a
getting to know period before marriage
as well but what Islam does is that it
brings seriousness and includes families
in the matter it takes precautions to
prevent pain and mistakes men and women
meet in such a way that they don't stay
alone they ask questions to each other
they are given the opportunity to get to
know each other really well they look at
if there's an attraction between them
then these meetings continue for some
time with questions asked with
understanding each other's mindsets with
looking at if their hearts are inclined
to one another this matter will come to
a conclusion or they can decide not to
continue these meetings in flirting
people generally just want to have fun
but marriage is not all about this
having fun together does not necessarily
mean that he or she is the right person
these two people will go through hard
times they will have disagreements there
will be crisis to manage they will see
all aspects of each other's
personalities and if Allah grants them
they will then raise children together
you see couples who FLIR for years
focusing on just feelings and desires
may get divorced saying I thought I knew
you however in the Islamic meeting
process this is not how it works the
focus of both sides is not to convince
the other person but rather to try to
decide if he or she is the right person
the goal here is to try to know the
other person with every one of their
positive and negative qualities it's to
learn from his or her friends and family
about the aspects of them that you can
and cannot get along with to understand
their expectations from marriage and the
things they don't want in a marriage in
other words it is to learn what you are
going to deal with at the very beginning
so that both of you can build your
relationship on a solid foundation we
humans are weak faulty beings and we are
not perfect but despite being imperfect
we are after perfect love and we expect
to find that person not with the ways
given by Allah by the one who know knows
our heart and our needs best but with
our own ways there's an analogy given
byi our situation is just like that it
goes like this we board the ship and we
are carrying some burdens in our hands
normally what we should do is to travel
by leaving our load on the deck but we
do the opposite until the end of the
voyage we say no I'll carry my own
burden in other words without realizing
it we are saying that we don't trust the
owner of the ship just like this also on
the issue of marriage when we don't
surrender ourselves to Allah it is like
we don't trust him he knows us better
than ourselves he's capable of giving us
whatever we need everything is in his
power not ours he knows us better than
ourselves he's capable of giving us
whatever we need everything is in his
power not ours he knows the best and
most appropriate for us not ourselves
then what could be more logical than
obeying his command if we pray and he
wants to grant us a happy marriage who
can stop it from happening since every
situation we come across is actually
like a message a letter that tells us
about Allah marriage too is both a test
and a letter to let us know Allah the
important thing is to understand the
meaning behind these situations well
let's finish the video with this
question if Allah is the one who creates
happiness than to reach happiness in
marriage shouldn't we look for our
spouse according to the rules he said
may Allah Grant all of us good marriages
am mean
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