Who You Find Attractive Is Based on How Hot You Are | Dan Ariely | Big Think

Summary

Dan Ariely explores the concept of assortative mating, where individuals tend to pair with others of similar attractiveness. Through personal reflection and experiments, he investigates how people perceive their position in the social hierarchy and how they adapt their expectations based on their perceived attractiveness. Ariely discusses how individuals may shift their preferences towards attributes like kindness or humor rather than physical beauty as they adjust to their place in the social structure. The video delves into how we understand and navigate our social rankings in relationships.

Takeaways

• 😀 Assortative mating refers to the tendency of individuals to pair with others of similar attractiveness, often influenced by factors like beauty, intelligence, and social status.
• 😀 People in higher positions on the attractiveness scale tend to date others at the top, while those in the middle and lower ranges often find mates in the same bracket.
• 😀 The concept of social hierarchy becomes more evident when individuals face significant changes, such as physical injuries, which may affect their perceived attractiveness and place in the social hierarchy.
• 😀 Dan Ariely's personal experience with an injury led him to reflect on how people's social and romantic status can shift, affecting their perceptions of where they fit within the social structure.
• 😀 The question of how individuals perceive their own place in society leads to questions of self-worth, identity, and adaptation, especially when their external appearance changes.
• 😀 Some people may struggle to adjust to a new social position, feeling discontent with their partner if they feel they could have had a more attractive one.
• 😀 Alternatively, individuals may adapt by changing their preferences, valuing traits other than physical attractiveness, like kindness or humor.
• 😀 The 'sour grapes' concept from Krilov's fable explains how unattractive individuals may start appreciating qualities that were previously less valued, such as physical traits or character attributes.
• 😀 An experiment using the HotOrNot website revealed that people across different attractiveness levels rate beauty the same way, but they approach others within their own range when considering potential partners.
• 😀 In a speed dating experiment, more attractive individuals focused heavily on physical attractiveness, while those deemed less attractive prioritized qualities like kindness and a good sense of humor.
• 😀 The process of adjusting to one’s social position involves recognizing one’s range within the hierarchy and shifting preferences to align with those changes, ultimately leading to healthier and more realistic relationship expectations.

Q & A

What is assortative mating?

Assortative mating refers to the tendency of individuals to pair with others who are similar to them in terms of traits like attractiveness, intelligence, and other characteristics. For example, attractive individuals tend to pair with other attractive individuals.

How does the concept of assortative mating apply to social hierarchies?

In the context of social hierarchies, assortative mating suggests that people tend to form relationships with others who are on a similar level in the social ranking. This includes factors like beauty, social status, and other attributes that contribute to one's perceived position.

What personal experience did Dan Ariely have related to assortative mating?

Dan Ariely shares his experience of being injured and feeling uncertain about where he now fit into the social hierarchy. His injury led him to question whether his previous romantic prospects would still find him attractive, given the change in his appearance.

What psychological challenges arise when people fall in the middle of the social hierarchy?

People in the middle of the social hierarchy may struggle with feelings of inadequacy, as they are not at the top and may feel they don't have the same dating options. This can lead to a sense of dissatisfaction or self-doubt about their position and potential romantic prospects.

How do people adjust their perceptions of attractiveness based on their social ranking?

People in the lower or middle ranks of attractiveness might adjust their preferences, finding beauty in traits they may have previously overlooked. This is akin to the story of the wolf and the sour grapes, where individuals convince themselves that certain qualities are attractive, even if they wouldn't have valued them before.

What experiment did Ariely conduct to explore people's perceptions of attractiveness?

Ariely conducted an experiment using the website HotOrNot, where users rated the attractiveness of others. The goal was to determine whether people's ratings differed based on their own attractiveness. The result was that everyone, regardless of their ranking, rated attractiveness in a similar way.

What was the key finding from the HotOrNot website experiment?

The key finding was that people's sense of beauty did not vary based on their own attractiveness. People who rated themselves as attractive (e.g., a 9) saw beauty in the same way as those who rated themselves as less attractive (e.g., a 4).

How does the 'Meet Me' feature on HotOrNot help reveal mating behaviors?

The 'Meet Me' feature allowed users not only to rate others but also to express interest in meeting them. This experiment showed that people with higher ratings (more attractive) tended to approach those with similar or higher attractiveness, while those with lower ratings approached individuals within their own range.

What did the speed dating experiment reveal about people's preferences?

The speed dating experiment revealed that individuals with higher attractiveness prioritized physical beauty in their potential partners. On the other hand, less attractive individuals placed greater value on other qualities, such as kindness and a good sense of humor.

How do individuals in lower social ranks adapt their dating preferences?

Individuals in lower social ranks tend to adapt by placing less emphasis on physical attractiveness and focusing on other qualities, such as kindness, sense of humor, and compatibility in non-physical traits. This adjustment helps them reconcile their position in the social hierarchy.