why you can’t stop doing things you hate
Summary
TLDRThe video script addresses the 'binge fallacy,' a common obstacle in self-improvement where individuals repeatedly relapse into bad habits despite initial progress. The speaker shares personal experiences with breaking free from pornography and outlines five steps to overcome this cycle, including acknowledging the issue, observing urges mindfully, setting up 'bumpers' to avoid triggers, practicing positive self-talk, and quickly stepping back into the 'higher self.' The script emphasizes the importance of understanding one's core goals and purpose to maintain discipline and suggests guided meditation as a tool for mental mastery.
Takeaways
- 🔁 The 'Binge Fallacy' refers to the tendency to repeatedly engage in a harmful behavior after an initial lapse, causing more damage than the initial slip-up.
- 💡 Recognizing and acknowledging a lapse is crucial for preventing further relapses and understanding the reasons behind the initial decision to avoid the behavior.
- 🧘 Observing the urge mindfully, rather than trying to distract oneself, can help in managing the urge without giving in to it.
- 🚧 Creating 'bumpers' or barriers around triggers can prevent falling back into old habits by changing routines or environments that lead to temptation.
- 🌱 Positive self-talk and self-compassion are important after a lapse to maintain self-esteem and avoid falling into a negative self-identity.
- 🚫 Ignoring the lapse can lead to subconscious acceptance of the behavior, increasing the likelihood of future relapses.
- 🔑 Metacognition, or being aware and in control of one's own mind and thoughts, is a key skill in managing urges and preventing relapses.
- 🛑 The human brain tends to rationalize further indulgence after an initial lapse by thinking the day or period is already 'ruined'.
- 💪 Stepping back into the 'higher self' immediately after a lapse helps in regaining control and getting back on track with one's goals.
- 🔄 The cycle of breaking free from a habit and then relapsing can be broken by addressing deep subconscious programming and reprogramming one's identity.
- ⏰ The powerful dopamine release after abstaining from a habit for a while can make the behavior even more tempting, requiring extra vigilance to resist.
Q & A
What is the 'binge fallacy' mentioned in the script?
-The 'binge fallacy' refers to the tendency to engage in a behavior repeatedly after an initial lapse, often under the belief that since one has already done the 'bad thing' once, it's acceptable to continue doing it multiple times, which amplifies the negative effects.
Why does the speaker suggest that ignoring a relapse might lead to further relapses?
-The speaker suggests that ignoring a relapse can communicate to the subconscious that the behavior is not serious, which can lead to a lack of commitment to change and ultimately result in further relapses.
What is the significance of acknowledging the reason behind wanting to stop a bad habit according to the script?
-Acknowledging the reason for quitting a bad habit helps tie the individual's actions to their core goals and purpose, providing a stronger motivation to resist the urge to relapse.
How does the speaker describe the process of observing an urge in the context of breaking a habit?
-The speaker describes observing an urge as a mindful process where one uses metacognition to observe the urge without identifying with it, allowing it to dissipate like a shadow under a spotlight.
What is the purpose of creating 'bumpers' as mentioned in the script?
-Creating 'bumpers' is about identifying triggers and urges that lead to bad habits and setting up barriers or changes in routine to prevent falling into those patterns, similar to how bumpers in a bowling alley prevent the ball from falling into the gutter.
Why is positive self-talk important after a relapse according to the script?
-Positive self-talk is important because it helps maintain a healthy self-image and prevents the individual from identifying with the negative behavior, thereby reducing the likelihood of further relapses.
What does the speaker mean by 'stepping back into the higher self as soon as possible'?
-The speaker means that after a lapse, one should quickly adopt the mindset and behaviors of their ideal, improved self, rather than waiting until they have completed all the good habits to become that ideal self.
How does the speaker relate the concept of identity to subconscious programming?
-The speaker relates identity to subconscious programming by stating that identity acts as the captain steering the ship of the subconscious, implying that changing one's identity can reprogram the subconscious mind towards better habits.
What is the role of meditation in the script's discussion on overcoming bad habits?
-Meditation plays a crucial role in developing metacognition, which is the skill of being aware and in control of one's thoughts, aiding in the process of observing and overcoming urges without succumbing to them.
What is the 'Mental Mastery' program mentioned in the script and how can it help?
-The 'Mental Mastery' program is a self-improvement master class that teaches individuals how to reprogram their minds to become more conscious, focused, disciplined, and confident, ultimately helping to break free from bad habits and patterns.
Outlines
🔄 The Struggle with Binge Fallacy
The first paragraph discusses the common struggle of breaking free from bad habits, using the metaphor of 'the thing you do.' It highlights the cycle of attempting to quit a habit, experiencing the benefits, and then relapsing into it due to triggers and dopamine rushes. The speaker shares personal experiences with pornography as an example and describes the binge fallacy, where one mistake leads to multiple, amplifying the negative effects. The paragraph emphasizes the importance of understanding this cycle to make progress in life and avoid self-sabotage.
🧘 Acknowledgement and Observation of Urges
The second paragraph focuses on the first two steps to overcome the binge fallacy: acknowledgement and observation. It stresses the importance of recognizing a relapse and understanding the reasons behind the initial decision to quit the habit. The speaker advises against ignoring the urge, as it can lead to subconscious acceptance and further relapses. Instead, one should observe the urge mindfully, detaching from it and realizing that thoughts are not defining. This approach helps in dissipating the urge and maintaining self-control.
🚧 Creating 'Bumpers' to Avoid Triggers
In the third paragraph, the concept of 'bumpers' is introduced as a strategy to avoid triggers and urges that lead to bad habits. The speaker shares a personal anecdote about a friend who quit bad habits during military training but relapsed once back in regular life. The paragraph suggests identifying and eliminating common triggers by creating barriers or 'bumpers' in one's environment. It also touches on the importance of positive self-talk and self-compassion in the process of self-improvement.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Binge Fallacy
💡Relapse
💡Dopamine
💡Willpower
💡Metacognition
💡Urge
💡Self-Talk
💡Identity
💡Bumpers
💡Mental Mastery
Highlights
The speaker discusses the struggle of breaking habits that negatively impact physical and mental health.
Mentioning the common pattern of relapse after attempting to quit a harmful habit.
Describing the emotional consequences of relapsing into a harmful habit.
The concept of the 'binge fallacy' where one slip leads to repeated indulgence.
The speaker's personal experience with the struggle of quitting pornography and the cycle of relapse.
The comparison of relapse patterns in different addictions such as overeating and smoking.
The psychological impact of a disrupted routine leading to a full-day relapse.
The importance of acknowledging a relapse and understanding its causes.
Observing the urge to engage in the harmful habit as a mindfulness practice.
Creating 'bumpers' to avoid triggers and urges that lead to relapse.
The negative self-talk that can follow a relapse and its potential to perpetuate the cycle.
The importance of positive self-talk and quickly re-engaging with one's higher self.
The role of identity in subconscious programming and its impact on habit formation.
The speaker's offer of a comprehensive self-improvement program to reprogram the mind.
The encouragement to be mindful and not listen to the voice of the 'dying' past self.
Transcripts
so there's that Thing You Do you know
what I'm talking about and you know it's
bad you're fully aware of all the
negative effects it has on either your
physical health mental health or both so
of course logically you decide I'm going
to stop doing the thing and some time
goes by maybe it's a day a week a month
and you're starting to feel the benefits
of going without this thing but then one
day you get put in a triggering
situation the waves of dopamine flood
your receptors as your mind generates
every possible reason why you should do
the thing and you do the thing the
negative emotions like shame frustration
depression wash over you as you think to
yourself I thought I was actually done
this time I just wasted all that effort
what happened to my willpower see this
isn't the real you stop trying to change
you never will but then it gets worse
because something strange happens
instead of getting back on the path you
were on the path to freedom from the
thing you do the thing again and again
and again and trust me I've been there I
am no better than you I know exactly how
it is for the longest time even when I
knew I needed to quit my biggest
struggle the biggest thing I just kept
binging and relapsing over and over over
on was pornography I tried to do the
whole noof fap thing I'd get like a 3day
streak maybe even a week but eventually
something would trigger me or my
thoughts would Whittle down my willpower
to the breaking point and I would just
give in and then I would do it again and
again and one more time before bed and
by the end of it you know you're just
kind of playing with a gummy worm can't
even get fully bricks which logically
doesn't make sense because if it's
something you don't want to do that is
re havoc on your life then why is it the
moment you give in and do it all of the
sudden it is this precious resource that
you can get as much of it as you
possibly can before you sacrifice and go
without it for a long period of time
it's the same with obesity when you're
trying to cut out junk food think about
it a fat person doesn't binge on just
one cupcake they eat the cupcake they
have a bag of chips they drive through
McDonald's they have a large soda how
many people do you know that try to quit
smoking or drinking just relapse on one
cigarette or one beer never happens
right they go full balls to the wall
finally it's time my precious this is
what I call the binge fallacy and it is
probably the biggest thing I see in like
the self-development world that holds
people back the most because think about
it in reality if you mess up and do the
Bad Thing Once that's not nearly bad as
doing it once and then doing it four
more times that is five times the amount
of damage if you were to just do it once
and get back on track but the human mind
doesn't work that way because our brains
tell us well I already did it once the
day is already ruined I might as well do
it again and again and again and then
I'm going to get back on track tomorrow
even after I quit pornography I started
experiencing this again recently in
self-development because you know you
start your morning routines you have
your day structured out and it may be oh
you wake up you have your cold shower
and then I go on a walk or the gym and I
have breakfast and then I meditate and
then I journal and then I have my
caffeine and then I start working and I
stop at this time and I go do this and
that's how my days were and everything
was going good until some days a wrench
got thrown in to the system maybe I
slept past my alarm maybe I had to go do
something last minute in the morning
morning and it threw my whole routine
off and for some reason my brain would
go oh well the routine messed up so this
whole day is kind of a waste let's just
[ __ ] off let's do more bad stuff and
we'll start again tomorrow we we can
start fresh the next day there's always
tomorrow right which means that not only
does this binge fallacy occur in
relation to bad things but in relation
to not doing the good things we want to
do but even more [ __ ] up is when you
abstain from certain bad habits
especially dopamine related ones if you
go a certain period of time without
doing it and then you do it the dopamine
release all the good brain feel-good
chemical releases is more powerful than
if you were doing it every single day
because you essentially weaned yourself
off you were edging yourself away from
it for a while and then you went back to
it think I mean if you are addicted to
something like porography or smoking or
anything like that if you're smoking a
cigarette every single day you know it's
nice it's a cigarette it's a stimulate
whatever but if you go a week without
smoking a cigarette and you're feing for
it and then you smoke a cigarette you're
seeing Stars you're brain has an orgasm
and if you're someone who's trying to
make progress in life trying to be
consistent trying to give up bad habits
or addictions you've most likely
realized by now that this is a cycle you
know you go back and forth from it's so
over we're so back it's so over we're so
back and by now you've probably realized
like I did if this cycle isn't broken
then you'll forever be holding yourself
back from the very things you're working
towards like making more money so you
can have the lifestyle the things you
want the freedom you want attracting
great friends and partners and just
overall living a better and more
fulfilling life that doesn't involve you
taking a mic Tyson blow to the mental
health once every week or month or three
days so I figured this out the hard way
obviously it took me a long time to
break these Cycles but I did finally
find the five steps that actually allows
you to escape the binge fallacy and
break the cycle but the first thing I
used to try and do when I would have my
noof fap relapses is I would try to just
immediately ignore it think oh it's not
a big deal it's okay I'm back on track
now whatever that was just a once once
in a blue moon type thing it's not going
to happen again y yada y push P it away
push it out of my Consciousness I did
not want to think about it because
obviously there's a lot of negative
emotions that would surface but what
actually happened was because I was
ignoring it and not taking it seriously
that communicated to my subconscious
that this is not something to take
serious so the next time I got an urge
or something triggered me I wouldn't
take what I did that serious and I would
relapse again instead what I needed to
do was step one acknowledgement after
you do the bad thing acknowledge that it
happened acknowledge what led you there
and most importantly acknowledge why you
don't want it to happen again what was
the reason you were going without the
bad thing in the first place and this
requires you to have some big picture
idea how does this tie into that true
core goal your why your purpose that you
are working towards and if you can't tie
this into that you're going to struggle
infinitely more than someone who
understands how this plays into the big
picture of their life and their goals
but even if you do that most likely
you're going to get the urge to do it
again at some point and typically our
initial reaction is to well I'm going to
distract myself from the urge I'm going
to go do something productive I'm going
to think other thoughts think positive
thoughts but that is actually setting
you up for long-term failure and
eventual relapse because the urge is
coming in it's appearing in your
Consciousness and you're just trying to
introduce a whole bunch of other things
to kind of cloud it and make yourself
unable to perceive it in the current
moment but that doesn't actually get rid
of the urge and it'll just go back into
subconscious and it'll pop back up later
go back down pop back up later or even
worse it stays in your conscious mind it
keeps poking at you poking at you
tempting you triggering you triggering
you until your mental willpower because
willpower is a limited resource I talked
about that in some of my other videos
gets whittel down to the breaking point
and you give in but instead of that do
step two observe the urge and I know
that sounds counterintuitive at first
because you're think oh what you want me
to sit with the urge isn't that going to
whittle down my willpower make me
relapse no because you are observing it
from a mindful perspective you are using
the skill of metacognition to observe
this appearance in your mind and
Consciousness but you're not identifying
with it cuz reality it's not really you
it's a signal from your brain trying to
convince you that it's you so it propels
you into doing the thing that gives it
the good chemical release you need to
understand that you are not your
thoughts for example if I'm looking out
of my balcony and I see a mom walking
her baby in the carriage and all for
some [ __ ] up reason my brain thinks
snipe the baby pull out a sniper rifle
snipe the baby I would laugh it off and
be like oh that's a [ __ ] up thought
that's stupid that's silly y y y we've
all had bad thoughts like that before
but we're so quickly to be like oh
that's not actually me thinking that why
is it no different when you get these
thoughts that try to propel you into a
relapse because once you're able to
detach from the thought and observe it
it disappears it's like shining a
spotlight on a shadow if you shine the
spotlight on a shadow the shadow
dissolves because at the end of the day
no thought or emotion lasts forever the
urge doesn't pop up and it's going to
torment you day after day for the rest
of your life until you finally give in
no it's going to disappear sometimes
after a few minutes but of course this
does require a bit of a skill in terms
of metacognition which is being aware
and in control of your own mind of your
own thoughts the things that appear and
for me and for thousands of people that
have done my guide and all my students
in mental Mastery meditation guided
meditations in a specific way was the
game changer so if you're interested in
that I do have a free 5day series to get
you started as well as I recently
launched my full 30-day guided series
that previously was only available to my
students but now it's available as its
own thing Link in the description if you
want to check out conscious Catalyst but
even when you do that wouldn't it be
even even better if you just had less
urges and triggers throughout the day
well you can do that by putting up the
bumpers step three I had a friend who
was struggling with some bad habits but
once he enlisted in the military and
went through basic training he
completely quit all of his bad habits he
came out of it saying how much he's
changed how he doesn't even feel the
urge to do these things anymore but
pretty shortly after once he got back
into regular life and some of the old
things he used to do and the freedom to
do things again he fell back in to one
of the biggest bad habits he had which
was was pornography it's like when you
go to a bowling alley and there's some
kids in a lane and what the bowling
alley does is they put up the bumpers to
prevent the kid's ball from rolling into
the gutter cuz kids are dog [ __ ] at
bowling cuz they're little what happened
to him was when he went to basic
training all of the bumpers were put up
for him he wasn't able to do the bad
habits he wasn't able to experience the
triggers and urges that he used to in
regular life but once he got out of that
went back into regular life the bumpers
came down the gutters were fully
available for him to throw his balls
into so what he then needed to do was
create his own bumpers if taking a
certain route home from work causes you
to binge on McDonald's you need to take
a different route home from work if
using your laptop and bed creates the
urge for Naughty websites don't allow
Electronics in your room if going out
late at night causes you to drink a
bunch of alcohol you need to stop
staying out so late identify where most
commonly you get hit with these urges
and these triggers and put bumpers
around those gutters so you don't fall
into them but another thing I realized
my friend was doing that was setting
himself up for failure is when he was
telling me about this he was talking
about himself pretty negatively he was
referring to himself as degenerate and
saying things like oh I've lost all my
good character traits and that is
actually pushing him more towards the
bad habit even if it seems like oh all
this negative emotion that's good it's
going to push you away from that not in
this sense because it is lowering his
self-image to a lower version of himself
and what does the lower version of
himself do the bad thing I want you to
imagine a young child in your life maybe
it's a sibling maybe it's a cousin and
if you can't think of anything just
picture a young version of yourself if
that little kid made a mistake would you
then belittle the [ __ ] out of them I'm
talking like really lay into them roast
them tell them you hate them they're
never going to prove they're never going
to get better they should just give up
they suck well no unless you're an
absolute monster you wouldn't say that
to a little kid sure you would
acknowledge it and you may even punish
them for it but you would never lose the
love and care that you have for them
because of that mistake why do you treat
yourself any different plus understand
that every is human I know you watch
these self-improvement videos these
motivational videos and these gurus seem
like they're perfect they stay hard 24/7
they are not faulting whatsoever even
the most disciplined men on the planet
have made a ton of mistakes in their
past and had to overcome them to achieve
that level of discipline and if you're a
man of Faith like me you probably
believe that humans in general are just
inherently sinful so mistakes are going
to happen along the way to become better
more Christlike instead see if you can
engage in positive selft talk even after
the bad thing think about all those
negative emotions feel like oh wow
that's why I'm quitting this thing that
thing sure is bad I'm really glad that
I'm making progress and Breaking Free
from this thing I'm not actually the
type of person to do this thing it was a
little mistake I'm going to put up
bumpers I'm going to make all these
habits I'm going to make all these
changes that Kenny told me to do and
we're going to be better moving forward
and that is a great way to get started
on step five step back into the higher
self ASAP this is what 99% of
self-improvement guys get wrong they
think oh I have to do all the good
things to eventually become this High
version of myself the ideal version of
myself when in reality that's not the
case you become the ideal version of of
yourself and then you get all the good
things and of course first you do need
to work on becoming that higher version
of yourself I teach you exactly how to
do this in mental Mastery Link in the
description but understand that you can
step right back into that version of
yourself in a relatively short span of
time even after bad thing happens so
just try it even if it feels forced
engage in some positive selft talk get
right back on track on what would the
higher version of Me Do In This Moment
he wouldn't sit around moping he
wouldn't think oh I'm so bad I'm a poooo
degenerate and of course when you're
killing the passer version of yourself
when you're undoing a lot of this
negative subconscious programming your
mind the past self is going to say and
do anything it can to save its life
because it's dying right think about if
you were dying you would give it your
all right before you died I said dying a
lot in there I'm sorry just be conscious
be mindful and never listen to that
voice but most likely you've probably
realized that if this is something that
you've been struggling with for a very
long time there are some deep
subconscious programming at play and you
need to reprogram that in order to find
finally fully break free and never do
the thing again now one of the biggest
factors in your subconscious programming
is the identity if the subconscious is a
ship taking you towards a destination
the identity is the captain steering the
ship it is the programmer writing the
code into your brain so if you would
like to fully reinvent yourself and
generate a new identity click the video
on the screen right now if you want my
full Flagship self-improvement master
class that teaches you every single
little step of the way to fully
reprogram your mind and become a more
conscious more focused more disciplined
more confident individual check out
mental Mastery in the description thank
you for watching bye-bye
Посмотреть больше похожих видео
5.0 / 5 (0 votes)