Pet loss grief; the pain explained | Sarah Hoggan DVM | TEDxTemecula

Summary

In this heartfelt video script, an emergency veterinarian shares the profound emotional journey of pet loss, emphasizing the validity of the grief experienced. The speaker addresses societal misconceptions, the unique bond between pets and humans, and the comorbidities that can intensify the grieving process. With empathy and insight, the speech validates the pain of pet loss and encourages understanding as a path to healing.

Takeaways

• 😢 The speaker, an emergency veterinarian, often hears 'I never want to see you again' as a compliment, reflecting the difficult nature of their work.
• 🏥 The speaker describes the emotional impact of delivering hard truths and poor prognoses to pet owners, highlighting the deep emotional connections people have with their pets.
• 💔 The speaker validates the grief associated with pet loss, emphasizing that the pain is real and the emotions shared with pets are genuine.
• 😭 The script discusses the physical manifestations of grief, such as crying and insomnia, which are recognized by the American Psychological Association as normal responses to loss.
• 🔄 The speaker explains that emotional pain can lead to reliving past decisions, a natural response to learn from pain, but one that can feel like punishment in the case of pet loss.
• 🐾 The societal perception of pet loss is often diminished, with people's grief sometimes seen as exaggerated or attention-seeking, which is a misconception.
• 👁 The unique bond between humans and pets is characterized by unconditional love and acceptance, which deepens the pain of loss when that connection is severed.
• 🚑 The responsibility of making euthanasia decisions for pets can be a heavy burden for pet owners, adding to the complexity of their grief.
• 🔐 The speaker identifies five common comorbidities that can exacerbate pet loss grief, such as preventable accidents, rescue backgrounds, pets rescuing owners, pets as living links to lost loved ones, and pets that are more than pets.
• 🤔 The script encourages self-forgiveness, reminding pet owners that pets are better at forgiveness than humans and that self-blame is often misplaced.
• 🌟 The speaker shares a personal story about a man and his dog, illustrating the profound emotional connection some people have with their pets, and the importance of recognizing and respecting that bond.
• 🙏 The speaker concludes with a heartfelt belief in the spiritual connection between humans and pets, suggesting that pets go to heaven, reflecting the deep love and respect for the pet-human relationship.

Q & A

What is the most common compliment Dr. Hoggan receives?

The most common compliment Dr. Hoggan receives is a statement expressing gratitude for her service as an emergency veterinarian, but also a wish to not see her again due to the unfortunate circumstances of her profession.

What emotions does Dr. Hoggan describe people experiencing when they learn about their pet's poor prognosis?

Dr. Hoggan describes people experiencing a range of emotions including visible distress, a change in facial expression, a cracking voice, and tears welling up in their eyes.

Why does Dr. Hoggan emphasize that the grief associated with pet loss is valid?

Dr. Hoggan emphasizes the validity of pet loss grief because the emotions shared with pets were real, and the loss is not of a 'thing' but of a 'someone', a loved one who was special to the owner.

What are some of the documented symptoms of grief according to the American Psychological Association?

The documented symptoms of grief include crying, insomnia, fatigue, confusion, and a feeling of profound sadness.

How does Dr. Hoggan explain the process of reliving decisions leading to pet loss?

Dr. Hoggan explains that reliving decisions is a natural response to emotional pain, as our bodies are wired to recognize pain as a teacher and to learn from it to avoid future harm.

Why does Dr. Hoggan say pet loss grief is different from losing a human?

Pet loss grief is different due to societal diminishment of its validity, the unconditional love in the human-animal bond, and the pet's inability to communicate their feelings or state of health.

What does Dr. Hoggan consider as comorbidities that can make pet loss grief even harder?

Dr. Hoggan identifies comorbidities such as the pet's death being due to a preventable accident, the pet being a rescue, the pet having rescued the owner, the pet being a living link to a loved one who has passed, and the pet being more than just a pet to the owner.

How does Dr. Hoggan describe the unconditional love pets provide?

Dr. Hoggan describes the unconditional love pets provide as a connection where pets do not judge, see no flaws, and communicate through their eyes that the owner is perfect and loved.

What is the story of the man with the intellectually disability and his dog Girl?

The story is about a man with mild intellectual disability whose beloved dog Girl was in end-stage liver failure. The man offered his credit card to Dr. Hoggan in a desperate attempt to save Girl, showing the depth of his love and the difficulty of his loss.

What was the man's response when Dr. Hoggan could not save his dog Girl, and what did he do with her collar?

The man understood and said goodbye to Girl. He then took off her collar and wore it as a bracelet on his wrist, a symbol of the love and connection he had with his pet.

What did Dr. Hoggan tell the man when he asked if pets go to heaven?

Dr. Hoggan told the man that pets do go to heaven, based on her belief that pets fill our homes with love and laughter, and that God's house would not be different.