Donald Trump: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)
Summary
TLDRDieses Skript präsentiert eine scharfe Kritik an Donald Trumps Präsidentschaftskampagne. Es entlarvt seine inkonsistenten politischen Ansichten, seine geschäftlichen Misserfolge und seine Tendenz, mit Lawsuits zu drohen, ohne sie zu verfolgen. Der Vorwurf, dass Trump seine eigene Marke in Verruf bringt, wird durch die Darstellung seiner gescheiterten Projekte und der Ablehnung, Verantwortung zu übernehmen, untermauert. Der Fokus liegt auf der Herausforderung, zwischen Trump the Brand und Trump the Man zu unterscheiden und die Wichtigkeit, hinter dem berühmten Namen zu blicken.
Takeaways
- 😲 Donald Trump hat drei Staaten gewonnen und eine starke Chance auf die Nominierung seiner Partei, da jeder Kandidat, der bisher am meisten Staaten am Super Tuesday gewonnen hat, auch die Nominierung erhielt.
- 🤔 Die Unterstützung von Trump mag durch seine Unvorhersehbarkeit und Unterhaltungsqualität erklärbar sein, aber es gibt Gründe, die genauer betrachtet werden müssen.
- 📊 Die Website PolitiFact hat 76% der Aussagen Trumps als falsch oder variabel bewertet, was seine Glaubwürdigkeit in Frage stellt.
- 💰 Trump behauptet, seine Kampagne mit 20-25 Millionen Dollar zu finanzieren, aber tatsächlich hat er nur 250.000 Dollar gespendet und 17,5 Millionen Dollar als Kredit gegeben, was er später zurückbezahlen könnte.
- 👐 Trump ist für dunne Haut bekannt, obwohl er sich als harter Kerl darstellt, und reagiert heftig auf Kritik, wie etwa die Anmerkungen zu den Längen seiner Finger.
- 🚫 Er hat häufig mit Klagen gedroht, hat aber oft nicht durchgezogen, was seine Fähigkeit, durchsetzungsstarke Maßnahmen zu ergreifen, in Frage stellt.
- 💼 Trumps Erfolg und Reichtum sind ein Hauptargument für seine Unterstützung, aber seine finanzielle Leistung ist durch Verluste und Konkurse gemildert.
- 🔄 Trumps Meinungen zu politischen Fragen sind sehr inkonsistent, was seine Eignung als Präsidentenkandidat in Frage stellt.
- 🏢 Trumps Unternehmen haben oft schlechte Entscheidungen getroffen, einschließlich der Gründung einer Hypothekenbank kurz vor dem Zusammenbruch des Immobilienmarktes.
- 🏛 Trumps Name wird oft für Projekte lizenziert, die er nicht direkt baut, was zu Problemen für Investoren führen kann, wenn diese Projekte scheitern.
- 🎶 Der Sketch schlägt vor, Trump unter seinem alten Familiennamen 'Drump' zu betrachten, um seine wahren Eigenschaften zu sehen und nicht von seinem Markenimage beeinflusst zu werden.
Q & A
Was ist das Hauptthema der Sendung in diesem Skript?
-Das Hauptthema ist die politische Karriere von Donald Trump, insbesondere seine Erfolge im Wahlkampf und die Auswirkungen seiner Kandidatur auf die amerikanische Politik.
Welche Bedeutung hat der 'Super Tuesday' im US-Präsidentschaftswahlkampf?
-Der 'Super Tuesday' ist ein wichtiger Zeitpunkt im Wahlkampf, an dem viele Staaten gleichzeitig abstimmen. Traditionell gingen alle Kandidaten, die am 'Super Tuesday' die meisten Staaten gewonnen haben, später als Parteivorsitzende in den Wahlkampf.
Was ist eine der zentralen Kritikpunkte an Donald Trumps Rhetorik und Äußerungen?
-Eine der zentralen Kritikpunkte ist, dass viele seiner Äußerungen als unwahr oder falsch bezeichnet werden können, was durch die Website PolitiFact überprüft wird, die 76% seiner Aussagen als unwahr einstuft.
Wie bezeichnet der Sprecher Donald Trumps wirtschaftlichen Erfolg?
-Der Sprecher kritisiert, dass Trump oft seinen wirtschaftlichen Erfolg als Argument für seine Fähigkeiten als Präsidenten heranzieht, jedoch gibt es Berichte, dass er sowohl viel Geld verdient als auch Verluste gemacht hat, und dass seine Selbstbewertung stark von seinen 'Gefühlen' abhängt.
Was ist die Hintergrundgeschichte hinter dem Namen 'Trump'?
-Der Name 'Trump' wurde von einem Vorfahren von Donald Trump geändert, der ursprünglich den Namen 'Drumpf' hatte. Der Sprecher des Skripts schlägt vor, stattdessen 'Drumpf' zu verwenden, um den Reiz des Namens 'Trump' abzuschwächen.
Welche Rolle spielt die Wahrheit für Donald Trump?
-Laut dem Skript scheint Donald Trump die Wahrheit sehr flexibel zu interpretieren und zu verwenden, was durch verschiedene Beispiele, wie seine falschen Behauptungen über sein eigenes Fernsehprogramm und seine Hintergrundgeschichte, verdeutlicht wird.
Was ist das Problem mit der Selbstfinanzierung von Trumps Wahlkampf?
-Trump behauptet, seinen Wahlkampf selbst zu finanzieren, was jedoch durch die Tatsache geschwächt wird, dass er lediglich 250.000 Dollar persönlich gespendet hat und den Rest seiner Kampagne als Darlehen gewährt hat, das er später zurückzahlen könnte.
Wie reagiert Donald Trump normalerweise auf Kritik und Herausforderungen?
-Laut dem Skript reagiert Trump oft auf Kritik mit der Androhung von Klagen, verfolgt jedoch nicht immer diese Bedrohungen, was darauf hindeutet, dass seine Drohungen möglicherweise nur als rhetorische Figuren dienen.
Was ist die Haltung von Donald Trump zur Wahrheit und wie wird sie im Skript kritisiert?
-Im Skript wird kritisiert, dass Trump die Wahrheit nicht als entscheidend ansieht und oft unklar bleibt, ob seine Äußerungen wahr sind oder nicht, was seine Glaubwürdigkeit in Frage stellt.
Was ist das Ziel des 'Make Donald Drump Again' - Skripts?
-Das Ziel des Skripts ist es, die Wähler dazu zu ermutigen, die Person hinter dem Namen 'Trump' und nicht den Reiz des Namens selbst zu betrachten, indem sie ihn als 'Drumpf' bezeichnen und seine Vergangenheit und seine Inkonsistenzen in den Mittelpunkt stellen.
Outlines
😀 Donald Trumps unvermeidliche Aufmerksamkeit
Der erste Absatz des Skripts konzentriert sich auf die unvermeidliche Aufmerksamkeit, die Donald Trump in der Politik erhält. Obwohl er zuvor auf der Show weitestgehend ignoriert wurde, hat er drei Staaten gewonnen und die Unterstützung von Prominenten erhalten. Sein Erfolg bei Super Tuesday ist signifikant, da jeder Kandidat, der bisher die meisten Staaten gewonnen hat, sein Parteinominum wurde. Die Show stellt seine unvorhersehbaren und unterhaltsamen Eigenschaften hervor, die viele Wähler anziehen, und kritisiert gleichzeitig seine mangelnde Konsistenz in politischen Äußerungen und seine Lügen.
😡 Trumps Selbstfinanzierung und seine 'hartnäckige' Unwahrhaftigkeit
In diesem Absatz wird Trumps Behauptung, seine Kampagne selbst zu finanzieren, hinterfragt. Es wird aufgezeigt, dass er lediglich eine Million投入了自己的 Geld, während die restlichen 17,5 Millionen als Kredit an seine Kampagne gegangen sind. Des Weiteren wird seine Neigung, häufig unrichtige Aussagen zu machen, anhand verschiedener Beispiele und einer Studie, die 76% seiner Aussagen als falsch einstuft, aufgezeigt. Auch seine Reaktionen auf Herausforderungen und Kritik werden dargestellt, unter anderem seine Lüge darüber, niemals in die Show eingeladen worden zu sein.
😒 Trumps fragile Ego und seine 'harteren' Fälle
Der dritte Absatz beleuchtet Trumps empfindliches Selbstbild und seine Reaktionen auf Kritik, insbesondere seine Anfeindungen gegenüber Personen, die seine Fingerlänge in Frage stellen. Es wird auch auf seine Neigung hingewiesen, andere mit Klagen zu drohen, ohne diese jedoch zu verfolgen. Zudem wird seine Behauptung, ein harter Geschäftsmann zu sein, in Frage gestellt, da er in der Vergangenheit Milliarden verloren hat und seine sogenannten Erfolge oft nur auf der Grundlage seiner Marke beruhen, die er für 3 Milliarden Dollar schätzt.
🤔 Inconsistencies in Trumps Policies and His Evolving Stance
Dieser Absatz thematisiert die Inconsistenz in Trumps politischen Haltungen, die sich im Laufe der Zeit stark gewandelt haben. Er war beispielsweise sowohl pro- als auch anti-lebensrechtlich und hat sich in verschiedenen Fragen wie der Waffenkontrolle, der Einwanderung und der Behandlung von Terroristen unterschiedlich positioniert. Diese Unvorhersehbarkeit ist beunruhigend, besonders angesichts der Tatsache, dass seine Meinungen als Präsident Gewicht haben werden.
🎭 Trump the Brand vs. Trump the Man - Aufforderung zur Realität
Der letzte Absatz des Skripts ruft zur differenzierten Betrachtung Trumps auf. Anstatt von ihm als Markensymbol zu träumen, sollte man die Person hinter dem Namen betrachten. Die Show deutet darauf hin, dass Trump trotz seiner Popularität und seiner Fähigkeit, Menschen zu begeistern, eine Reihe von gescheiterten Unternehmen und rechtlichen Problemen hinter sich hat. Schließlich wird die Zuschauer aufgerufen, Trump nicht wegen seines Namens, sondern aufgrund seiner tatsächlichen Eigenschaften und seiner politischen Haltungen zu beurteilen.
🛸 Make Donald Drump Again - Eine humoristische Forderung
Zum Abschluss des Skripts wird humoristisch auf die Idee eingegangen, Trumps Familienname in 'Drump' zu ändern, um die Magie seines Namens zu entmystifizieren. Die Show hat tatsächlich eine商标注册申请 gestellt und bietet einen Browser-Erweiterung an, die den Namen 'Trump' durch 'Drump' ersetzt. Zudem werden 'Make Donald Drump Again'-Hüte verkauft, um den Wählern eine Alternative zum traditionellen Wahlkampf-Slogan zu bieten.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Super Tuesday
💡Trump
💡Parteienestablishment
💡Wahrheit
💡Selbstfinanzierung
💡Unvorhersehbarkeit
💡Politische Unbedenklichkeit
💡Kritik
💡Branding
💡Populismus
💡Konsequenzen
Highlights
Donald Trump's unexpected success in winning three states and endorsement by Chris Christie and Paul Ryan.
Historical data suggesting that the candidate who wins the most states on Super Tuesday typically becomes the party's nominee.
Comparison of Trump's popularity to an ignored back mole that has grown into a concerning issue.
Trump's appeal as an unpredictable and entertaining figure, as illustrated by his confrontation with Marco Rubio.
Analysis of Trump's claim to 'tell it like it is', countered by evidence of numerous false statements.
Critique of Trump's self-funding claim, revealing that he has loaned his campaign money which can be repaid.
Examination of Trump's sensitivity to criticism, exemplified by his response to being called a 'short-fingered vulgarian'.
Discussion of Trump's litigation habits, including his frequent but often unfulfilled threats to sue.
Contradiction between Trump's self-proclaimed success and his past financial losses and bankruptcies.
Critique of Trump's valuation of his own brand, with the claim that it is worth $3 billion.
Trump's inconsistent policy positions, such as his varying stances on abortion and gun control.
Trump's response to being endorsed by a former Ku Klux Klan leader, initially expressing ignorance of who David Duke is.
The potential danger of Trump's inconsistent views, especially when it comes to advocating a war crime against terrorists' families.
The power of Trump's name and its role in his brand, despite its original form being 'Drump'.
Introduction of a campaign to 'make Donald Drump again', including a website and a Chrome extension to replace 'Trump' with 'Drump'.
A satirical call to view Trump without the influence of his name, suggesting a clearer perspective on his qualifications for presidency.
Transcripts
our main story tonight and I cannot
believe I'm saying this is Donald Trump
and I say that I say that knowing that
every time his name is said out loud he
has a shattering orgasm and look look we
have mostly ignored Trump on this show
but he has now won three states has been
endorsed by Chris chrisy and Paul show
him leading most super Tuesday states
which is a big deal since 1988 every
candidate who's won the most States on
super Tuesday went on to become their
party's nominee so at this point Donald
Trump is America's back mole it it may
have seemed harmless a year ago but now
that it's gotten frighteningly bigger it
is no longer wise to ignore it and I do
understand why Trump supporters might
like him he's unpredictable and
entertaining ju just look how he went
after Marco Rubio on Friday did you ever
see a guy sweat like this it's Rubio
that's
what that's objectively
funny just as it was funny when a few
years ago he tweeted I would like to
extend my best wishes to all even the
haters and losers on this special date
September the 11th he wished haters and
losers a happy 911 there is a part of me
that even likes this guy it's a part of
me I hate but it is a part of me and if
you are someone who's sick of the party
establishment he might seem like a
protest candidate with some attractive
qualities we like him he tells it like
it is he says what he means I I honestly
believe he's telling the truth he's
funding his own campaign nobody owns him
he's aggressive and he's strong and he's
bold I think he's an incredible
businessman if he runs the country like
he runs his organization we would be in
good shape Donald Trump can seem
appealing until you take a closer look
much like the lunch buffet at a strip
club or the NFL or having a pet
chimpanzee sure it seems fun but someday
Coco is going to tear your limbs
off because let's look at each of those
qualities those people listed first he
tells it like it is does he because the
website polia checks 77 of his
statements and rated 76% of them them as
varying degrees of false and I've
witnessed this firsthand he wants
attacked my old boss by tweeting if John
Stewart is so above it all and legit why
did he change his name from Jonathan
lieberwitz he should be proud of his
Heritage and then two years later wrote
I never attacks Dopey John Stewart for
his phony last name would never do that
and then just last year he claimed
falsely to have turned down an invite to
appear on this very boring show and and
who's he trying to impress with that lie
our show's guests include sloths and
puppies we're basically a petting zoo
with a desk but but when we pointed out
that he had never been invited this is
how he responded all of a sudden I see
people saying that John Oliver and I'm
saying John Oliver and I checked with my
people he asked me to be on the show
four or five times and I I don't even
hardly know who he was I wouldn't know
what he looks like well look first first
I wouldn't expect him to know who I was
although for his inevitable angry tweet
about this segment I'll tell him what I
look like I look like a nearsighted
parrot who works at a bank but but
secondly secondly it was genuinely
destabilizing to be on the receiving end
of a lie that confidence I even checked
to make sure that no one had even
accidentally invited him and of course
they hadn't and and I'm not even sure he
knows he's lying I think he just doesn't
care about what the truth is Donald
Trump views the truth like this lemur
views the Supreme Court vacancy
I don't care about that in any way
please off I have a
banana so so let's move on let's move on
to his next selling point that he is
truly independent and not beholden to
anyone or as he puts it I'm self-funding
my campaign I tell the truth how much
have you spent so far probably 20 $25
million okay let's break that down first
I'm rich therefore I tell the truth has
the same internal logic as I'm a vegan
therefore I know karate there is no
cause and effect between those two and
the correlation usually goes the other
way and and while it is true that he
hasn't taken corporate money the
implication that he has personally spent
20 to $25 million is a bit of a stretch
because what he's actually done is
loaned his own campaign $17.5 million
and has just personally given just
$250,000 and that's important because up
until the convention he can pay himself
back for the loan with campaign funds
and if you don't think there's a
significant difference between a gift
and a loan try giving your spouse an
anniversary loan and see how that goes
and even he himself sometimes admits
that his campaign is by no means
completely self-funded I'm self-funding
my campaign other than the little tiny
ones where they send in you know women
send in we had a woman
$759 what do you do how can you send the
money back you know it's it's it's cute
it's beautiful they feel invested in
your campaign he makes it sound like
women are stuffing grimy dollar bills in
envelopes writing Donald Trump on the
front and he's just too kind to send
them back but he's taken in $7.5 million
do in individual contributions and if he
didn't want it maybe shouldn't have had
two donate buttons on his website
because money isn't unsolicited when you
have to ask for someone's credit card
expiration date to receive it okay so so
how about the claim that he is tough
well again I'm not sure about that
because for a tough guy he has
incredibly thin skin back in 1988 spy
magazine called him a short fingered
vulgarian and ever since the editor Gren
Carter says he receives envelopes from
Trump always with a photo on which he
circled his hand to highlight the length
of his fingers usually with a note
reading see not so short and look look
his fingers seem fine but the very fact
he's so sensitive about them is
absolutely hilarious as is the fact that
those notes were apparently written in
Gold Sharpie which is so
quintessentially Donald Trump something
that gives the passing appearance of
wealth but is actually just a cheap tool
now now Trump's Trump's signature tough
talk his signature tough talk often
involves lawsuits he loves to threaten
to sue people like he did with Rosie
O'Donnell she said I was bankrupt I
never went bankrupt so probably I'll sue
her because it would be fun I'd like to
take some money out of her fat ass
Pockets well look look look of course of
course he needs to take Rosio Donald to
court to take money out of her Pockets
because his tiny tiny fingers are too
short to reach into her wallet but but
he never sued her he never sued Rosio
donnald in fact he's repeatedly
threatened people with lawsuits and not
followed through including the rapper MC
Miller Lawrence o' Donnell uh Vanity
Fair and an activist who launched a
petition for Macy's uh to drop Trump's
products I'll sue you is Trump's version
of bazinga it doesn't really mean
anything but he says it all the time but
perhaps Trump's biggest selling point as
a candidate is his success and where
could people get that idea from I'm
really rich I actually think I have the
best temperament people love me and you
know what I've been very successful
everybody loves me I went to an Ivy
League school I'm very highly educated I
know words I have the best words
oh
please literally the biggest word in the
sentence I have the best words is the
word
words but it's worth noting while yes he
has made more money than most of us will
make in a lifetime not only did he get a
multi-million dollar inheritance from
his father but he's also lost a huge
amount and this is where we need to be
careful because as we've learned he will
he will threaten to sue your fat ass
Pockets with his cocktail sausage
fingers if you talk about his company's
bankruptcies so I will just let his own
daughter describe the state of his
finances at one point in his life I
remember once my father and I were
walking down Fifth Avenue and there was
a homeless person sitting um sitting
right outside of Trump Tower and I
remember my father pointing to him and
saying you know that guy has $8 billion
more than me because he was in such
extreme debt at that point you know and
that really shows you the indomitable
Spirit of Donald Trump to fall to his
lowest point and in that very moment
still find a way to be kind of a dick to
a homeless guy now now his campaign
claims his current worth is in excess of
10 billion dollar and they've written it
in all caps so it must be true but
others have disputed that figure in fact
a book once suggested that Trump might
be worth a mere 150 to $250 million
which Trump protested by suing the
writer for $5 billion which is a pretty
roundabout way of getting half the way
to 10 billion and you should know for
the record Trump lost that lawsuit twice
but I am glad that he sued if only
because during the deposition he
explained that his estimate of his net
worth fluctuates based on and I quote
feelings even my own feelings and that
can change rapidly from day to day think
about that he claimed that his net worth
changes depending on his mood which
makes absolutely no sense partly because
he always seems to be in the same mood
specifically smug yet
gassy and and interestingly
interestingly a significant portion of
his self valuation is
intangible his brand is what he values
uh very much and he on his his
disclosure form that he's released it's
about $3 billion that's what he values
his brand as exactly he values his own
name at $3 billion and I'm not saying a
name can't have value it's why people
will pay $120 for a plain white t-shirt
that is designed by Kanye West they
don't want just any white T-shirt they
want one designed by a board sociopath
with a finger free anus but but but $3
billion seems a bit High especially
because while Trump has said if I put my
name on something you know it's going to
be good over the years his name has been
on some things that have arguably been
very good including Trump shuttle uh
which no longer exists Trump vodka which
was discontinued Trump magazine which
folded Trump World magazine which also
folded Trump University over which he's
being sued and of course the travel
booking site go trump.com whose brief
existence was I imagine a real thorn in
the side of anyone hoping got rum.com
featured a single thing worth
masturbating to and that's not even
mentioning this when it comes to Great
Stakes
I've just raised the stakes Trump Stakes
are the world's greatest stakes and I
mean that in every sense of the word and
The Sharper Image is the only store
where you can buy
them and not only can you not buy those
steaks anymore but why did he sell them
at The Sharper Image that is a weird
choice I will take a massage chair an
indoor waterfall and 82b of the finest
meat in America and sure every business
business executive is bound to have a
few missteps but Trump's lack of sound
financial instincts is perhaps best
exemplified by the business that he put
his name on back in 2006 just before the
entire housing market collapsed I think
it's a great time to start a mortgage
company we're going to have a great
company it's Trump morgage and Trump
mortgage.com and it's going to be a
terrific company yeah it wasn't in fact
in fact starting a mortgage company in
2006 was one of the worst decisions you
could possibly make
but I guess you can convince yourself it
was a good idea when you say 30 words
and five of them are great great
terrific Trump and
Trump and you might say well never mind
side businesses what he really is is a
builder but a building with Trump
written on it is not necessarily owned
by him he may have just licensed his
name to them something he claims is
actually better than ownership you don't
put up money you don't put up anything
spoken like a true Builder and and some
of those licensed buildings sell his
reputation hard like the sales video for
the Trump Ocean Resort in northern
Mexico I'm very very proud of the fact
that when I build I have investors that
follow me all over people ask me what do
Trump stand for more than anything else
and if I use one word it's always
quality right but it's easy to throw
around the word quality have you ever
stayed at a quality in the pillows are
stuffed with hair they fished out out of
the bathtub drain he was never the
Builder for that project which was later
abandoned leaving would be condo buyers
like William Flint who lost
$168,000 feeling understandably betrayed
Donald Trump was an expert in in these
types of projects or so we thought in a
deposition for a lawsuit regarding the
property Trump's son Donald Trump Jr
conceded that the Trump brand could lead
people to think a project was a solid
investment there one of the things that
you've learned through this process is
the the Trump name brings stability and
or viability to the project I don't know
if it brings stability or viability but
I imagine certain people feel that and
that might actually be the most honest
slogan for the Trump campaign Trump 2016
I don't know if it brings stability or
viability but I imagine certain people
feel
that now not only not only did investors
in that property Sue Donald Trump they
also did in Trump Tower tamper another
project that never got off the ground
and in both cases Trump
characteristically deflected blame onto
the developers and you would think those
investors would be facing an up
impossible legal battle given Trump's
tough talk when I get sued I I take it
right all tits take it all the way you
know what happens if you settle suits
you get sued more it's true I don't
settle anything I don't settle guess
what he settled both those cases but the
problem is even when you can demonst
ably prove Trump to be wrong it somehow
never seems to matter you can hold his
feet to the fire but he'll just stand
there on the stumps bragging about his
fireproof foot skin and that may be
because he has spent decades turning his
own name into a brand synonymous with
success and quality and he's made
himself the mascot for that brand like
Ronald McDonald or Chef Boyard and that
is who we have seen in The Apprentice or
WrestleMania or home alone 2o but if
he's actually going to be the Republican
nominee it's time to stop thinking of
the mascot and start thinking of the man
because a candidate for president needs
a coherent set of policies whatever you
think about Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz at
least you basically know where they
stand but Trump's opinions have been
wildly inconsistent he's been pro-choice
and pro-life for and against assault
weapon bans in favor of both bringing in
Syrian refugees and deporting them out
of the country and that inconsistency
can be troubling just this morning for
instance he was asked about the fact
that David Juke former Grand wizard of
the Klux Clan had told supporters to
vote for him and this was his answer
will you unequivocally condemn David
Duke and say that you don't want his
Vote or that of other white supremacists
in this
election well just so you understand I
don't know anything about David Duke
okay I don't know anything about what
you're even talking about with the white
supremacy or white supremacist honestly
I don't know David Duke I don't believe
I've ever met him I pretty sure I didn't
meet him and I just don't know anything
about him really that's your best answer
there because you definitely know who he
is partly cuz you called him a bigot and
a racist in the past but that's not even
the point the point is with an
answer like that you are either racist
or you are pretending to be and at some
point there is no difference there and
sure he disavowed David Juke later in
the day but the scary thing is we have
no way of knowing which of his
inconsistent views he will hold in
office will he stand by a statement that
vaccines are linked to autism or his
belief that Mexico is sending us rapists
oh and what about that plan he had to
defeat Isis we're fighting a very
politically correct War the other thing
is with the terrorists you have to take
out their families when you get these
terrorists you have to take out their
families they they care about their
lives don't kid yourself but they say
they don't care about their lives you
have to take out their families that is
the front runner for the Republican
nomination advocating a war crime and he
might say he was joking or he's changed
his mind about any of these things and
private individuals are allowed to
change their minds we all do it but when
he sworn in as president on January 20th
2017 on that day his opinions are going
to matter and you will remember that
date because it's the one that time
travelers from the future will come back
to to try and stop the whole thing from
happening and listen I get get I get
that the character of Donald Trump is
entertaining and that he says things
that people want to hear and I know his
very name is powerful just listen to
this one supporter explain what it means
to her I was a little girl right I
didn't even know what Trump Towers were
but I knew that he was a wealthy
successful man somehow like there was a
even as a very young kid the word Trump
sort of meant Rich to it meant success
she's not even wrong Trump does sound
Rich it's almost onomic Trump it's the
sound produced when a mouthy servant is
slapped across the face with a W of
th000 bills Trump it's the sound of a
cork popping on a couple's champagne
adversary the DAT Renovations in the
wine seller were finally completed the
very name Trump is the Cornerstone of
his brand if only there were a way to
uncouple that magical word from the man
he really is well guess what there is
because it turns out the name Trump was
not always his family's name one
biographer found that a preent ancestor
had changed it from and this is true
drump yes fuing
drum and drunk is much less magical it's
the sound produced when a morbidly obese
pigeon flies into the window of a
foreclosed Old Navy drunk It's the sound
of a bottle of storebrand root beer
falling off the shelf in a gas station
miniart and it may seem weird to bring
up his ancestral name but to quote
Donald Trump he should be proud of his
Heritage because drunk is much more
reflective of who he actually is so if
you are thinking of voting for Donald
Trump the charismatic guy promising to
make America great again stop and take a
moment to imagine how you would feel if
you just met a guy named Donald
drump a litigious serial liar with a
string of broken business ventures and
the support of a former clan leader who
he can't decide whether or not to
condemn would you think he would make a
good president or is the spell now
somewhat broken and that is why tonight
I'm asking America to make Donald drump
again # make Donald drump again we've
actually filed paperwork to trademark
the name drump and incidentally when we
own it I will have the best
word and and if you go to Donald
jump.com which we own you can download a
drum anator Chrome extension which will
replace the word Trump with drump
wherever it appears in your browser and
you can also buy these make Donald drump
again hats which we are selling at cost
meaning we've chosen not to make a
profit a fact which will probably
irritate Mr drum more than anything else
I've said tonight and if you're thinking
well that's all great but I wish there
was a new campaign anthem for Donald
Trump well here it is now here it is
right now because listen we cannot keep
getting Blinded By The Magic of his name
we need to see him through fresh eyes so
please don't think of him as Donald
Trump think of him something
[Music]
else and don't vote for him cuz he tells
it like it is he's a
artist don't vote for him cuz he's tough
he's a baby with even smaller fingers
don't vote for him because he's a
builder he's more of a shitty Lifestyle
brand and that is our
show Mr drunk I await your lawsuit in
the morning I have no doubt the
complaints will be signed in Gold
Sharpie good night
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
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