Dysphoria & Style - How I Started Exploring Gender Identity
Summary
TLDRThis video discusses the challenges and experiences of clothing as a transgender woman. The speaker shares their journey, highlighting the initial focus on practical aspects of coming out and the unexpected significance of clothing in the transition. They offer practical tips and personal anecdotes, covering pre-transition exploration, dealing with societal perceptions, and navigating different phases of transition. Emphasizing self-expression, the video encourages transgender individuals to experiment with clothing and personal style while balancing safety and authenticity. The speaker also touches on the unique issues faced by transgender men and women, advocating for a supportive and understanding approach.
Takeaways
- 👚 The speaker initially underestimated the importance of clothing in the process of transitioning as a transgender woman.
- 🤔 Clothing became a significant concern as it was one of the first things others noticed about the speaker's transition.
- 🌟 The speaker suggests that even small steps, like wearing women's underwear, can be affirming and helpful during the pre-transition phase.
- 🚫 The speaker warns against the misconception that exploring gender identity through clothing can be fetishistic, encouraging acceptance of personal exploration.
- 💄 The use of makeup and self-care practices like shaving and hair growth were recommended as discreet ways to express one's gender identity.
- 🕺🏼 For transgender men, the speaker notes that societal expectations and clothing norms can be both a benefit and a challenge during the transition.
- 🤷♂️ Mannerisms and behaviors are highlighted as important for transgender men to pass, rather than just the clothing they wear.
- 👗 The speaker shares personal experiences with discrimination and the struggle of wearing feminine clothing as a transgender woman.
- 🧬 The androgynous-to-male approach is mentioned as a method the speaker used to deal with societal pressures, waiting for physical changes to support their identity.
- 🔥 The unrestricted transition style is praised for its authenticity but also acknowledged as potentially leading to more discrimination.
- 🛍️ The speaker encourages exploration of personal style and self-expression, even if it means making mistakes and facing challenges.
Q & A
What is the main topic discussed in the video script?
-The main topic discussed in the video script is the exploration of clothing and style during the process of transitioning as a transgender person.
Why did the speaker initially underestimate the importance of clothing during their transition?
-The speaker initially underestimated the importance of clothing because they had many other practical aspects of transitioning to deal with, such as coming out to family and friends, and they didn't think clothing would be a big deal.
What phase of transitioning does the speaker refer to as the 'nightmare phase'?
-The speaker refers to the pre-transition phase as the 'nightmare phase' because it is the most challenging time, where one feels the most negative emotions and has limited ways to alleviate them.
What was one of the first steps the speaker took to feel more aligned with their gender identity?
-One of the first steps the speaker took was buying and wearing women's underwear, as it allowed them to present as their actual gender, at least to themselves.
Why does the speaker suggest that exploring makeup and self-care can be beneficial during the stealth phase of transitioning?
-Exploring makeup and self-care can be beneficial because it allows the individual to express their gender identity in subtle ways while remaining under the radar and avoiding drawing attention to their transition.
What advice does the speaker give to transgender women regarding the perception of wearing women's underwear?
-The speaker advises transgender women to dismiss societal misconceptions that wearing women's underwear might be fetishistic and to embrace it as a part of exploring their gender identity.
What challenges do transgender men face when it comes to clothing and being recognized in their gender identity?
-Transgender men face challenges such as being misgendered in public places due to stereotypes and expectations about what men should wear, which can be frustrating and limiting.
What is the 'androgyny to male fail' process mentioned by the speaker?
-The 'androgyny to male fail' process refers to the speaker's approach of continuing to wear the same clothing without changing their style, waiting for physical changes from hormones and other factors to eventually be recognized as female despite wearing more masculine clothing.
What does the speaker suggest as a potential downside to the unrestricted transition style?
-The potential downside to the unrestricted transition style is that it may lead to more discrimination due to the individual being more visible and potentially less adept at presenting as their chosen gender in the early stages of transition.
What is the speaker's final recommendation for transgender individuals when it comes to exploring their style and clothing?
-The speaker recommends exploring and embracing one's style and clothing choices, even if it means making mistakes or facing potential discrimination, as it contributes to self-expression and feeling more like oneself.
Outlines
👚 The Challenge of Clothing During Transition
The speaker, a transgender woman, reflects on the challenges of finding clothing that aligns with her gender identity during the early stages of her transition. Initially, she thought clothing would be a minor concern compared to other aspects of coming out, but soon realized its importance as it's often the first thing others notice. She acknowledges the stress of navigating this aspect of transition and offers to share her experiences and tips, despite not being a perfect guide. The paragraph also touches on the 'Twilight' phase, a difficult period of self-realization before openly transitioning, where the speaker found comfort in wearing women's underwear as a private affirmation of her gender identity, despite societal misconceptions about transgender individuals and clothing.
🤔 Navigating the Complexities of Transitioning
This paragraph delves into the complexities faced by both transgender men and women during the transition phase. It highlights the unique challenges transgender men face, such as being misgendered due to societal expectations of women's clothing being more flexible. The speaker also discusses the importance of mannerisms and behavior in passing, suggesting that it's not just about what one wears but how one wears it. For transgender women, the speaker talks about the discrimination and societal stereotypes that can make it difficult to wear feminine clothing when having a masculine frame. She shares her personal approach to dealing with these issues, which involved a gradual shift towards androgynous clothing while waiting for physical changes from hormones to take effect. The paragraph emphasizes the importance of exploring one's style and identity, even if it means facing potential discrimination.
🎨 Embracing Self-Expression and Making Mistakes
In the final paragraph, the speaker encourages viewers to embrace self-expression through clothing, regardless of their gender identity. She admits her own initial reluctance to explore her style due to fear of discrimination but later found that wearing clothes that she enjoyed made her feel more authentic. The speaker advocates for an unrestricted approach to transitioning, where one can freely express their chosen gender through clothing without fear. She acknowledges the risks and potential backlash but ultimately encourages taking chances, making mistakes, and finding joy in self-expression. The paragraph concludes with a heartfelt thank you for watching and a reminder to take care and be safe while exploring one's identity.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Transition
💡Pre-transition phase
💡Stealthing
💡Gender presentation
💡Gender identity
💡Discrimination
💡Androgyny
💡Exploration
💡Mannerisms
💡Hormones
Highlights
The speaker initially overlooked the importance of clothing when transitioning as a transgender woman, but soon realized its significance.
Clothing is often the first thing others notice and can be a significant aspect of expressing one's gender identity.
The speaker found the process of exploring clothing during transition to be a stressful experience.
The 'Twilight' phase, between realizing one's trans identity and transitioning, is described as the most challenging.
Wearing women's underwear was a personal step for the speaker to feel aligned with their gender identity, even in private.
The speaker advises against the misconception that exploring gender identity through clothing can be fetishistic.
Small steps like makeup and self-care practices can be a part of the stealth phase of transitioning.
The speaker suggests that being stealthy can allow for more freedom in exploring gender expression without drawing attention.
Trans men may face challenges in being recognized in their gender due to societal expectations of women's clothing.
Mannerisms and behaviors are more critical for trans men to be recognized in their gender than clothing choices.
Trans women may experience discrimination for wearing masculine clothing due to societal stereotypes.
The speaker's personal approach to dealing with discrimination was to adopt an androgynous style until they could pass as a woman.
The speaker regrets not exploring their style and gender expression more freely during their transition.
An unrestricted transition style is recommended, where one embraces their identity fully from the start, despite potential challenges.
The speaker encourages making mistakes and exploring different clothing as part of the self-expression journey.
The importance of balancing safety with the desire to express one's true self through clothing is emphasized.
Transcripts
clothing while queer
that's what we're going to talk about
today A couple of years ago when I
originally came out as a transgender
woman I felt like I had a very very full
plate I had so many practical things
that I needed to take care of I needed
to come out to my family I needed to
come out to my friends the least of my
worries at that point in time was
something like clothing I didn't think
it would be that big of a deal but as I
would soon realize apparently it is now
I know you might be raising your eyebrow
at me you might be thinking well Scripps
what are you talking about in the grand
scheme of the huge life-changing
decision that is to transition clothing
is the least of your worries well my
friend while that might be true to your
experience then to everyone else it will
be the very first thing that they notice
they might notice your mood being better
they might notice you being happier
overall they're definitely noticing if
you wear something completely different
one day than you did the other and
honestly when I first discovered the
roadblock of this giant amount of
exploration that I still needed to do I
felt like I could have really used the
guide to or at least some tips to
somewhat maneuver me through yeah
maneuver me through that hellscape
because it can be a very stressful one
so while I am not the perfect guide by
any sort of means then I will still try
my best to give out the sort of tips and
things that I have learned now as
someone who is quite a few years into my
transition and at the very least share
my stories with you guys as to how I
handled this back when I was a young
baby Tran so you know what let's just
start off right right off the bat let's
start at the earliest of times actually
not the earliest of earliest of times
but pretty early when this starts to
matter the pre-transition phase this is
the phase that I Define as the Twilight
between you actually transitioning and
you realizing you are trans because
before that realization you're sort of
[Music]
algae has just been White Noise you
haven't cared remotely about clothing or
perhaps even your looks up until this
point in your life but it has been
nothing overwhelming at least until you
find out that
yeah you're trans this also what I like
to refer to as the nightmare phase the
reason that I call it the nightmare
phase is because out of all of them this
is the one that sucks the most it's
where you feel the most of those
negative emotions but there's just not
that many ways to alleviate it right at
this time especially if you're still
stealthing and you haven't come out of
the closet yet and honestly one of the
ways that I used to deal with this
the main ways I used to deal with this
and this is where I'm gonna need you
guys to give a straight face because
this is
this is just the truth underwear I'm not
very good at drawing underwear but yes
that is actually the truth one of the
ways that I did alleviate uh some of the
struggle was at least knowing at least
myself that I was presenting at least
under everything else I was presenting
to myself as my actual gender now with
this very specific piece of advice I
actually want to talk to uh transgender
women directly because they're probably
the ones that I can have the most
problems with this because ever since
the dawn of time when it comes to Media
we've been gonged in the head and
socialized to think that this sort of
stuff might be a little fetishistic so I
just want to get that out of your head
immediately I have bought women's
underwear I did it that was one of the
first things that I did and I am sure as
certain that that's what a lot a
lot a lot of other transgender women did
as well there is nothing gross about
exploring your gender identity or what
you would like to wear whether if you're
a trans orsus that is some and
an ideal Society I would burn that rule
immediately but yes this piece of advice
actually helped me a lot because it just
made me feel like if I wasn't
transitioning like uh in front of others
I could at least transition like for
myself like I could see myself taking
those small steps for myself one of
those other small steps that I also took
was exploring a little bit with stuff
like makeup for me very specifically
like mascara eyeliner all that time of
jazz Foundation just in general like
self-care shaving uh growing my hair out
both of those things are something that
you can try while still remaining very
stealthy very uh or at least quite safe
I don't know about the eyeliner but
pretty much everything else and the
reason for that is CIS people are dense
if people don't suspect
you to be queer or aren't very aware of
queer culture then as long as you're
lightly concealing the fact that you're
wearing a bra or a binder trust me
people will not notice also very
surprised by how far I could actually
get into my transition before people
started asking like wait are you perhaps
not a straight man but yeah you can
certainly twice out some of these things
you can definitely explore your general
identity while remaining under the radar
you don't have have to worry about that
too much so I still encourage that even
if you're pretty transition that you
explore yourself a bit heading into the
actual transition phase though this is
where it gets a little not or well of
course it gets dicey for everyone but it
also gets a bit Daisy for me to explain
because this is where people's problems
start deviating a lot when it comes to
this stuff I've been a part of queer
communities for a very long time and I
have a bunch of friends of different
genders and cultural backgrounds it
still feels like every single time I
meet a new person I stumble on a new
issue that someone personally had with
transitioning that I haven't heard of
before so I'm just gonna try to break
these into the most common and the moon
the ones that I've heard of the most and
then of course oh yeah of course as well
my my own experience but let's first
talk about some of the issues that trans
men have because one of their issues is
something that might at first glance be
perceived as a bonus in the
pre-translation phase and that is that
because very specifically when it comes
to clothing the some people who are
assigned women at Birth have less
restrictions than people who are
assigned male at Birth you can explore
more and wear different kinds of stuff
and people don't really expect any
different you can be stealthier while
trying more different things but when it
comes to actually transitioning and
being out of stealth the issue Remains
the exact same I am friends with guys
with beards who've been misgendered in
public places just because they were
mistaken for Butch and I understand that
it's incredibly frustrating sure it's
very liberating that the box for what
women can wear is so wide that you can
wear pretty much anything and people
still don't question it but still that
also just makes it so much harder when
you actually want to get out of that box
with this one I wish I had a lot more
advice to give but I don't really have
much except this one thing which is
mannerisms guys just don't really have
as gender defined clothing as women do
so it's not really as much about what
you're wearing as opposed to like how
you're wearing it I guess but yeah
mannerisms the way guys talk and
community educate with each other and
kind of like act and stand around in a
space I is one of the primary ways that
I've heard others have sort of learned
to pass better like for example right
now I'm trying to be quite feminine I
use gestures I try to use a lot of
intonation in my voice and then if I saw
a sort of go back down into like more of
a monologue State and I just I I don't
know it's not because I want to sound
inexcitable I can still use my
intonation just fine but if I am more
monologue and static like this that's
kind of going to give more off of like a
guy Behavior again I'm very sorry I wish
I could give better advice when it comes
to this stuff but my own male mannerisms
isn't something that I've kept an
incredibly close ion it's not something
that I have hyper analyzed if anything
it's been something that I've been
desperately trying to get rid of so if
you're actually a transgender man who's
looking for proper good advice on how to
pass as a trans man then I highly
recommend that you go look up and learn
from other transgender men when it comes
to transgender women though I do have
more experience and I will fully admit
they have some different issues and one
of them is actually surprisingly
discrimination trust me both experience
discrimination to incredible degrees
when it comes to like widespread
societally known
um stereotypes transgender women are
very specifically in the focus here to
the point that while it might not be
offensive for someone with a feminine
frame to wear masculine clothing then it
is certainly offensive to a lot of
people if uh if someone of a masculine
frame wears something feminine it's
stupid but that is how it is in a lot of
places now the way that I dealt with
this is something I'm sure is quite an
unpopular option and it's not something
that I I think at least a lot of people
have done I certainly didn't enjoy it
when I did it but basically I did the
androgyny to male fail process and what
this means is I literally continue to
wear the same stuff I didn't change my
style or anything at all I did or or
maybe I switched maybe a bit more
androgynously but that's all I did and
then I waited for hormones to take it to
work I waited for my hair to grow out I
waited for me to get better at makeup I
waited to get better are at mannerisms
until eventually people started every
now and again assuming that I was a
woman based on looks even while I was
wearing kind of masculine clothing but
and yeah honestly this one sucks I don't
recommend it because it means you're
gonna get misgendered a lot and it also
means that you'll be holding yourself
back a lot from trying those things that
you actually want to try I mean I
literally got my first dress to try like
a couple of months ago and I've been in
a transition for freaking years now the
unrestricted transition is also one that
I kind of uh hesitantly recommend even
though I want it on the record that I
think it is everyone's god-given right
to wear whatever the they want and
whatever makes them happy at any time
without anyone discriminating them the
only reason I am unfortunately a bit
hesitant is because we do not live in
that ideal society and people can be
basically what I mean by the
unrestricted way of transitioning style
Wise It's just that you decide to go all
in as soon as as you come out of the
closet you embrace yourself fully you
buy all those things you've been holding
yourself back from and you just go and
do it trial by fire and wear whatever
you want I think it's goddamn beautiful
and I know so many beautiful people who
have gone this exact way of
transitioning but I have heard some
pretty rough feedback from it such as
the fact that this is probably the way
of transitioning that will give you the
most discrimination just due to the fact
that you're a little clumsy in the
beginning you haven't picked up on all
those different mannerisms and way way
or ways that you can like present as
your chosen gender you basically
transition a lot in public as opposed to
in private and of course not just opens
you up a bit more to discrimination so
if if you have the the Gusto and The
Willpower to do it then I recommend this
method but I do also understand people
who don't want to do it I mean I I
didn't I want just about as restrictive
as you could be because I was so scared
of discrimination if it were to go back
in time I would probably pick some
compromise between these two but I would
lean way more to the unrestricted side I
went through the restricted one and
while sure I had some safety I also
didn't explore anything it was basically
only with the pressure of my girlfriend
like a year ago that I even started uh
the process of exploring what my own
style is and what I like to wear and hey
guess what as soon as I wore stuff that
I like to wear I felt more like myself
than I'd ever done before so I know it's
really hard and I know it's really
intimidating to try to explore or mirror
where like wear more stuff than I still
would lean more to recommending this one
as opposed to this one explore have fun
enjoy being yourself and hey even if you
can't do it in public do it in private
and just buy clothing for you to wear
while walking at home alone the only
thing that I don't recommend you do is
you go so far in the unrestricted uh
specifically also in terms of where you
live that it would be a danger to you or
it would be a risk to you in any way but
anyways that is all the advice I could
give I'm so sorry if there's a very
incoherent video to give a little bit of
a concept I've been recording this for
over an hour because I've been so
nervous of what to say and I don't
really know if I gave good advice I
really hope that you at least got some
out of it but nonetheless that it was
fun to look back on some of my own
pretty silly mistakes that I did when it
came to approaching clothing when I
first came out of which the biggest
mistake was not making enough mistakes I
didn't go out and I didn't try a lot of
things I played it way too safe and due
to that I ended up suffering a lot
longer than I needed to there was a lot
longer of a period of time where I still
felt like I the me that I wanted to be
was so far away and like the steps were
there but I was just refusing to take
them so go out there no matter if you're
transgender if you're CIS even then you
just want to explore uh like a new you
and what kind of different clothing that
you might actually like and enjoy
wearing could be a fanboy could be a
tomboy whatever you want to be remember
to take good care of yourself and
remember to be safe but also go out
there and make a ton of mistakes
wear stuff that you have a suspicion
that you might enjoy but end up not
lagging at all with stuff that might not
even fit you at all because honestly
having fun and feeling like you're
showing yourself to the world is all
this self-expression stuff is about but
anyways I genuinely thank you all so
much for watching this sappy video and
I'll catch you all in the next one peace
[Music]
[Applause]
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