Mythbusters: Gender and Sexuality Edition | Terri Conley | TEDxUofM

Summary

In this talk, a social psychologist debunks common myths about sex, including the idea that women dislike casual sex due to biological reasons and that monogamy is superior for everyone. She reveals that women seek quality and respect in casual encounters but often face stigma and poor sexual experiences. The speaker also challenges the irrational fear of STIs, showing that consensually non-monogamous individuals practice safer sex than those who cheat. She encourages embracing sex's positive outcomes and enjoying it responsibly.

Takeaways

• 🚺 The myth that women naturally dislike casual sex is debunked; it's not biological but based on the quality of potential partners and fear of stigmatization.
• 🤔 Women expect good sexual experiences but often face the reality of unsatisfactory casual sex, especially in college settings where men may not care about their pleasure.
• 🏆 Both men and women consider the potential for stigma when deciding on casual sex, with women often facing more judgment and derogatory labels.
• 🌈 In studies, there's no significant difference in casual sex acceptance between lesbians and gay men, challenging cultural perceptions.
• 👩‍❤️‍👩 Bisexual women are more likely to accept casual sex offers from women than from men, suggesting that the gender of the proposer plays a role.
• 🔒 The belief that monogamy is superior for everyone is a myth; it's not necessarily the best relationship style in every context.
• 🌟 Monogamous individuals are perceived as having better romantic relationships and being less likely to contract STIs, despite evidence suggesting otherwise.
• 🛑 Non-monogamous individuals practice safer sex, including discussing STI history and using condoms, compared to those who cheat.
• 🚗 There's an irrational societal focus on the dangers of sex over other risky behaviors like driving, which is statistically more dangerous.
• 🏥 STIs are often stigmatized more harshly than other health issues, even when they are less severe, indicating a societal bias against sex.

Q & A

What are the three myths about sex that the speaker addresses in her research?

The three myths are: 1) Women naturally dislike casual sex, 2) Monogamy is the best relationship style for everyone, and 3) People are irrational about sex and especially about STIs.

Why does the speaker believe that the myth about women disliking casual sex is unfounded?

The speaker believes this myth is unfounded because her research shows that the strongest predictor of whether someone accepts a casual sex offer is whether they think the proposer will be a good lover, not their gender. Women want good lovers in casual sex encounters, but they often don't expect the sex to be good, especially in the context of college where men often don't care about women's pleasure.

What does the speaker suggest is a significant factor influencing women's decisions about casual sex?

A significant factor influencing women's decisions about casual sex is the potential for stigmatization. Women fear being disrespected and called derogatory names for engaging in casual sex, and this fear is often realized, with women being stigmatized more than men for the same behavior.

How does the speaker's research challenge the cultural perception of casual sex among lesbians and gay men?

The speaker's research challenges the cultural perception by showing no differences in how lesbians and gay men would respond to a random casual sex offer. This contradicts the common belief that gay men are more open to casual sex than lesbians.

What was the outcome of the study involving bisexual women and men when considering casual sex proposals from the opposite gender?

In the study, bisexual women were more likely to accept a casual sex offer from a woman than from a man. However, when considering gender differences, there were no differences found when a female was making the proposal, but when a male was the proposer, bisexual men were more likely to accept the offer than bisexual women.

What does the speaker suggest about the appeal of male and female proposers in casual sex?

The speaker suggests that males are less appealing as casual sex proposers than females. This is supported by the finding that gender differences in casual sex offers disappeared when the proposer's gender was controlled for in the research.

Why does the speaker argue that monogamy is not the best relationship style for everyone?

The speaker argues that monogamy is not the best relationship style for everyone because her research found no significant differences in relationship quality measures such as commitment, passionate love, satisfaction, and trust between monogamous and consensually non-monogamous people.

What misconception about STIs and monogamy does the speaker address?

The speaker addresses the misconception that monogamous people have fewer STIs and better romantic relationships. Her research found that consensually non-monogamous people were more likely to discuss STI history and use condoms than people who were cheating, leading to fewer STIs, and that there were no differences in relationship quality between monogamous and non-monogamous people.

How does the speaker's research challenge the idea that sex is immoral or extremely dangerous?

The speaker's research challenges this idea by showing that people irrationally perceive sex as more dangerous than driving, even though driving is significantly riskier. She also points out that STIs, while serious, are manageable and not life-threatening like car accidents, and that society's focus should be more on safe sex practices rather than abstinence.

What is the speaker's final advice regarding sex and safety?

The speaker's final advice is to be as safe as possible when having sex and to put aside the irrational warnings and stereotypes. She encourages people not to feel guilty about enjoying sex and to focus on its positive outcomes for health and well-being.