The Big Lie About Sex - Louise Perry

Summary

The transcript discusses the inconsistency in society's view of sex as merely a social interaction, despite its unique emotional and physical implications. It critiques the notion of 'sexual disenchantment' and argues that sex holds a special status, especially for women due to physical vulnerability and psychological differences. The speaker highlights the disparity in sociosexuality between men and women, suggesting that men, on average, have a higher desire for casual sex, which is evident in the predominantly male clientele of sex buyers.

Takeaways

• 🤔 The speaker challenges the notion that sex is just another social interaction, arguing that most people are inconsistent in applying this idea to their own lives or in policy-making.
• 🏠 The script discusses the UK's political consensus against 'sex for rent' arrangements, highlighting the inconsistency with the view that sex work is just another form of labor.
• 💼 The speaker points out the hypocrisy of parties that advocate for the decriminalization of the sex industry while condemning 'sex for rent', suggesting a double standard.
• 👥 The script touches on the emotional and visceral reactions people have to sex, which are at odds with the rational, utilitarian worldview that tries to deem sex as a mere commodity.
• 🚫 The speaker believes that the idea of sexual disenchantment is harmful, especially for women, due to the physical and psychological differences between the sexes.
• 🤰 The script mentions the unique physical vulnerability of women in sexual encounters, such as pregnancy and hormonal contraception side effects.
• 💪 It is noted that women are generally smaller and weaker than men, which can lead to a higher risk of harm in heterosexual encounters.
• 🤯 The speaker argues that if sex is not considered special, then issues like rape and sexual harassment cannot be seen as uniquely bad.
• 🧬 The script addresses the controversial topic of innate psychological differences between men and women, suggesting that such differences do exist on average.
• 📊 The concept of 'sociosexuality' is introduced, which refers to the desire for casual sex and the willingness to engage with multiple partners, and is suggested to be higher in men on average.
• 🌈 The speaker uses the example of gay men to illustrate the higher sociosexuality in men, comparing their sexual behavior to that of heterosexual men without the 'limiting factor' of women's choice.

Q & A

What is the central argument made by the speaker regarding the value of sex?

The speaker argues against the notion that sex is merely a social interaction without intrinsic value, stating that most people do not genuinely believe this and are inconsistent in applying such a perspective to their own lives or policy.

How does the speaker use the concept of 'sex for rent' to illustrate a contradiction in societal attitudes?

The speaker points out that all major political parties in the UK are united in condemning 'sex for rent' as illegal, yet some of the same parties advocate for the decriminalization of the sex industry, highlighting a contradiction in how sexual exchanges are viewed differently in various contexts.

What is the term 'sociosexuality' as mentioned in the script, and why is it significant in this discussion?

Sociosexuality refers to an individual's desire for casual sex and their willingness to engage in sexual activity with a variety of partners quickly. It is significant because it is used to highlight the average differences between men and women in terms of sexual behavior, which challenges the idea of sexual disenchantment.

Why does the speaker suggest that the idea of sexual disenchantment is particularly harmful for women?

The speaker argues that sexual disenchantment is harmful for women because it overlooks the physical and psychological differences between the sexes, which can lead to a disregard for the unique vulnerabilities and experiences women face in sexual encounters.

What is the speaker's stance on the existence of innate psychological differences between men and women?

The speaker acknowledges that while historical pseudoscientific ideas about women's inferiority have been harmful, modern scientific research suggests that there are indeed average psychological differences between men and women, such as in sociosexuality.

How does the speaker use the example of gay men to illustrate the point about men's sociosexuality?

The speaker suggests that by observing gay men, who are not restrained by female choice, one can see the natural tendencies of men towards higher sociosexuality, as evidenced by the higher rates of promiscuity among some gay men compared to heterosexual men.

What is the speaker's view on the impact of the idea of sexual disenchantment on the understanding of sexual harassment and rape?

The speaker believes that if sex is not considered special or intrinsically valuable, then the unique harm caused by sexual harassment and rape is diminished, which is problematic from a feminist perspective.

Why does the speaker mention the physical imbalance between the sexes in the context of sexual encounters?

The speaker mentions the physical imbalance to highlight the increased vulnerability women face in sexual encounters due to factors such as size, strength, and the potential consequences of pregnancy and hormonal contraception.

What is the speaker's opinion on the inconsistency of people who advocate for the view that sex work is just like any other work?

The speaker criticizes the inconsistency of those who advocate for the view that sex work is just like any other work, as they often do not apply the same logic to other aspects of their personal lives or policy decisions.

How does the speaker address the issue of emotional responses to the concept of sexual disenchantment?

The speaker acknowledges that emotional responses to the concept of sexual disenchantment can be inconvenient for those who try to apply a rational, utilitarian worldview, but emphasizes that these emotional responses reflect the deep-seated belief that sex holds a unique status.

What is the implication of the speaker's argument regarding the average psychological differences between men and women?

The implication is that recognizing average psychological differences between men and women is important for understanding sexual behavior and dynamics, and should not be dismissed in the pursuit of radical equality within feminism.

Outlines

00:00

🤔 The Myth of Sexual Disenchantment

This paragraph discusses the prevalent but inconsistent belief that sex is merely a social interaction without intrinsic value. The speaker challenges this notion by pointing out the inconsistency in how people apply this belief, particularly in the context of sex work and housing laws. They argue that the idea of sexual disenchantment is not widely held in practice, as evidenced by societal reactions to sexual impropriety in the workplace and the unique harm caused by sexual crimes like rape and harassment. The speaker also touches on the physical and psychological differences between men and women, suggesting that these disparities make sexual disenchantment a particularly harmful concept for women due to their vulnerability in sexual encounters and the side effects of hormonal contraception.

05:01

👥 Sociosexuality and Gender Differences

The second paragraph delves into the concept of sociosexuality, which is the desire for casual sex and the inclination to engage with multiple partners quickly. The speaker humorously asserts that men, on average, have a higher sociosexuality than women, a point they argue is evident cross-culturally and historically. They use the example of gay men's sexual behavior to illustrate the natural tendencies of men, suggesting that without the 'limiting factor' of women, men would exhibit higher levels of promiscuity. The paragraph also highlights the complexity introduced by female choice in heterosexual relationships, which contrasts with the more straightforward dynamics observed in male homosexual relationships.

Keywords

💡Intrinsic value

Intrinsic value refers to the inherent worth or specialness of something, regardless of external perceptions or market value. In the video, the concept is discussed in the context of sex, where the speaker argues against the idea that sex lacks intrinsic value, highlighting the inconsistency in how people treat it compared to other social interactions.

💡Sex work

Sex work is the exchange of sexual services for compensation. The script mentions the debate surrounding the legitimacy of sex work as a profession, with some arguing it's no different from other forms of labor, while others maintain that it should be decriminalized or regulated differently.

💡Sexual disenchantment

Sexual disenchantment is the notion that sex is simply a social interaction without any special significance. The speaker in the video refutes this idea, suggesting that most people do not genuinely believe in it due to the emotional and societal implications of sex.

💡Consistency

Consistency, in this context, refers to the uniform application of principles or beliefs. The script points out the inconsistency in how people who advocate for the view of sex as a social interaction apply this belief in different areas of law and policy, such as the stance on 'sex for rent'.

💡Landlords offering rooms for sexual favors

This concept is used in the script to illustrate the inconsistency in societal attitudes towards sex as a commodity. It refers to the practice where landlords provide accommodation in exchange for sexual services, which is generally condemned and considered illegal by major political parties in the UK.

💡Sociosexuality

Sociosexuality is a psychological trait that reflects an individual's desire for casual sex and the willingness to engage in sexual activity with multiple partners. The video uses this term to discuss the average differences between men and women in terms of their sexual behavior and preferences.

💡Feminist perspective

The feminist perspective is a standpoint that advocates for gender equality and challenges traditional gender roles and stereotypes. In the video, the speaker uses this perspective to argue why the idea of sexual disenchantment is particularly harmful to women, considering the unique risks and vulnerabilities they face in sexual encounters.

💡Physical imbalance between sexes

This term refers to the biological and physical differences between men and women, such as size, strength, and reproductive roles. The script uses this concept to explain why women are often more vulnerable in sexual situations and why the idea of treating sex as a mere social interaction can be detrimental.

💡Hormonal contraception

Hormonal contraception is a method of birth control that involves the use of hormones to prevent pregnancy. The video mentions this as an example of the physical side effects that only women experience, contributing to the argument that sex is not just another social interaction.

💡Rape and sexual harassment

Rape and sexual harassment are severe forms of sexual violence and abuse. The script argues that if one does not consider sex as special or having intrinsic value, then these acts cannot be recognized as having a unique status or gravity in society.

💡Average psychological differences

The script discusses the existence of average psychological differences between men and women, challenging the idea of radical equality that denies any innate psychological distinctions. It uses the example of sociosexuality to illustrate how these differences manifest in attitudes towards casual sex.

Highlights

The idea that sex has no intrinsic value and is just a social interaction is inconsistently applied by people.

People who support sex work as a profession often do not extend this view to their personal lives or similar legal and policy issues.

Major political parties in the UK and other Western countries are united against 'sex for rent' but support decriminalizing the sex industry, showing a contradiction in views.

The concept of sexual disenchantment is not widely believed, yet it is difficult to rationalize and comes from a visceral place.

People's emotional responses to sex indicate that it is perceived as having a unique status, unlike other social interactions.

Sexual disenchantment is argued to be particularly harmful for women due to physical and psychological differences between the sexes.

The physical vulnerability of women in sexual encounters and the consequences of pregnancy and hormonal contraception are highlighted.

The push for radical equality within liberal feminism has led to a denial of innate psychological differences between men and women.

Despite historical misuse of pseudoscientific ideas, there is growing evidence of average psychological differences between the sexes.

The trait of sociosexuality, which relates to the desire for casual sex, is suggested to be higher in men on average.

The observation that almost all sex buyers are male is used as evidence of higher sociosexuality in men.

Gay men's sexual behavior is suggested as a more accurate reflection of men's natural tendencies without the limiting factor of female choice.

Survey data on gay men's sexual health reveals a range of behaviors, from monogamous to highly promiscuous.

The absence of female limiting factors in gay relationships results in some men being more promiscuous than their straight counterparts.

The complexity of heterosexual dating and marriage is attributed to the need to navigate female choice and sociosexual preferences.

Transcripts

now it is quite common to hear people

progressives in particular say that sex

actually doesn't have any intrinsic

value to it it doesn't have any

intrinsic specialness like if people

want to apply meaning to it on a

personal level they're welcome

to but when it comes down to it it's

just a social interaction you know you

can buy it you can sell it it's fine I

don't think anyone really believes that

I think almost no one actually believes

that and you can tell because people are

extraordinarily inconsistent in applying

this so people who for instance will say

that sex work is work no problem it's

just like working

McDonald's will not apply that to their

own personal lives or not even apply it

to other sort of similar issues in terms

of Law and policy so the example I give

in the book is sex for rent all of the

major political parties in the UK are

united in believing that landlords who

offer rooms in exchange for sexual

favors are are or should be breaking the

law they're all United in saying we

should have firmer laws on it this is

particularly postco because there was

sort of a rash of landlords doing this

it's the same in other Western countries

as well um these are exactly the same

parties you know like the Liv Dems for

instance condemn sex for rent and think

we should decriminalize the sex industry

it's the same thing you know it's just

Goods you know being exchanged for

sexual access it's exactly the same

thing and similarly you know people who

will again say that sex his work that

that um you know really buy into the

sexual disenchantment idea rhetorically

very upset about any perceived sexual

impropriety in their own

workplaces you know like having any kind

of

um being T you know being touched by a

male colleague being asked out on a date

like that stuff is very serious and is

not at all comparable to just other

forms of nonsexual interaction but sex

work is work you know and I think that I

think that inconsistency is a result of

the fact that actually sexual

disenchantment just isn't

true basically no one really thinks it's

true but the problem is that if you um

are trying to rationalize it all and you

are applying kind of utility brain to

the world it's quite hard to um it's

quite hard to articulate it's quite hard

to rationalize it comes from a very

visceral place which is a bit

inconvenient if you're trying to apply

that kind of you know very long iCal

worldview the fact that people have

emotional responses to things that are

are somewhat inconvenient you know but

the truth of it is that people don't

feel that sex is the same as other

social interactions people absolutely

feel that sex has some unique status

which is of course why I mean thinking

from a feminist perspective which is why

rape is so uniquely bad which is why

sexual harassment is so uniquely bad if

you don't think sex is special you can't

think any of those things have special

status either and I think that that idea

of sexual

disenchantment is bad for everyone but

it's really bad for women

why partly because of physical imbalance

between the Sexes of the fact that it's

only women who get

pregnant women have to suffer the side

effects of hormonal

contraception um women are much smaller

and weaker than men which means that any

heterosexual encounter if you've got a

man and woman Alone Together the woman's

going to be almost always the more

physically vulnerable party so there's

that kind of risk inherent to sexual

encounters that women experience that

men can't experience in the same way

there's also the psychological stuff and

that's more

controversial because the push towards

um kind of radical equality within

feminism in Liberal

feminism has also included pushing back

very hard against the idea that there

are any innate differences between the

Sexes on a psychological level and some

of that is coming from a good place it

is clearly the it's clearly the case

that in various periods in history

pseudoscientific ideas about women's

intellectual inferiority in particular

or emotional inferiority have been used

against women this is clearly true um

that does not however mean that those

differences don't exist at all and

actually as decades have gone by and

we've got more and more scientific

research on this it actually becomes

more and more apparent that those

differences do exist on average right

the on average thing is something that

people often can't wrap their heads

around well they can they just don't

want to well people can when it comes to

something like the ADV the example I

give is like you know if we say that

Germans are on average taller than

people from Spain people are like oh

yeah fine no one says oh but I know a

really tall guy from Spain that

disproves your thesis you know this is

the nature of bell curves um there are

all sorts of ways in which the certain

psychological traits differ on on the

bell curve basis between men and women

the one that's most important for my

purposes is the trait that psychologist

called

sociosexuality which is not quite the

same as sex drive you can be you know

highing one low on the other but social

sexuality is about your um desire for

casual sex basically how much you want

to have sex with a variety of people how

quickly you want to jump into bed with

someone now look I'm not an expert but

I'm going to guess men are more prone to

have a higher rate of that cross

culturally trans historically yes wow

yeah I'm a genius how did I work that

out I know how dare you know she do

things but you know yes I mean anyone

who's like got eyes and lived in the

world can tell that the clearly is that

difference between men and women even if

there are lots of outliers on an

individual level I mean just because you

know someone's sex doesn't mean you know

their level of socios sexuality but at

the population level you see it you see

it for instance in the fact that all

almost all sex buyers everywhere in the

world are male MH because obviously the

people who are is that tale of high

sociosexuality is like all men right um

there are I'm going to say them even

more controversial than you but

basically if you want to understand what

men are actually like just look at gay

men right how much sex do they have and

how many partners do they have on

average compared to the average

heterosexual man and you kind of get

like gay men are actually the real men

because they're unrestrained by women

yes yeah absolutely it's really that

simple yeah it's how men would behave if

women w a limiting factor exactly yeah

and I mean it's interesting in if you

look at the survey data on gay men of

which there's quite a lot because it

comes out of like um sexual health

research and stuff what you have is

actually like a goodish of men who are

just as monogamous as lesbians M and you

have a lot of men in the

middle and then you have a proportion

who are really promiscuous and because

there isn't the limiting factor of of

women saying no those men are way more

promiscuous than promiscuous straight

men yeah can ever be because they just

have so much more opportunity um but you

know but that but that portion of like

would be promiscuous straight men still

exists it's just they've got the

complexity of having to deal with female

Choice um which makes the whole

heterosexual you know dating marriage

scene that much more

complex