Living With High Functioning Anxiety | Jordan Raskopoulos | TEDxSydney

Summary

In this TED Talk, the speaker humorously contrasts their confidence on stage with their struggles offstage due to anxiety. They discuss how they thrive in public speaking but face 'life fright' in everyday social situations. The speaker shares personal anecdotes about coping with anxiety, including challenges in social settings, procrastination, and the need for structured environments. They also highlight the paradox of being both shy and loud, as well as the strength gained from managing anxiety. The talk combines humor, vulnerability, and insights into the complexities of mental health.

Takeaways

• 🎤 The speaker loves performing on stage and feels at home there, despite having an anxiety disorder.
• 🗣️ People often misunderstand mental health issues, reducing them to stereotypes like 'crazy' for mentally ill or 'sad' for depressed.
• 🤯 The speaker experiences anxiety in everyday situations, not on stage, which challenges the common perception of anxiety.
• 👥 'Shy loud' is a term the speaker uses to describe people who are shy in private but loud on stage, reflecting the complexity of social anxiety.
• 💼 High-functioning anxiety can lead to high achievement because of a fear of failure and a heightened sense of worry.
• 📈 The speaker finds that managing anxiety involves focusing on one thing at a time, which is easier on stage than in daily life.
• 📆 Procrastination is a coping mechanism for the speaker, where the work is done mentally before it is physically executed.
• 🤔 The speaker's anxiety makes simple tasks mentally draining, which is a common experience for those with high-functioning anxiety.
• 🏡 Controlling one's environment and having designated spaces for different activities can help manage anxiety.
• 🤝 Having allies or friends who understand and support the speaker's anxiety is crucial for navigating social situations.
• 💪 The speaker's anxiety has also given them strengths, such as the ability to handle stress and crisis situations effectively.

Q & A

What is the main theme of the speaker's TED Talk?

The main theme of the speaker's TED Talk is the exploration of her experience with anxiety, specifically how she can be confident on stage yet struggles with social anxiety in everyday life.

How does the speaker describe her relationship with anxiety?

The speaker describes her relationship with anxiety as having 'life fright' rather than stage fright, meaning she feels anxious in everyday social situations but not when performing on stage.

What is the term the speaker uses to describe herself and others who are shy yet perform well on stage?

The speaker uses the term 'shy loud' to describe herself and others who might be shy in everyday situations but are loud and confident on stage.

What does the speaker mean by 'high-functioning anxiety'?

The speaker refers to 'high-functioning anxiety' as a type of anxiety where individuals can work and function well in society, often being high achievers and perfectionists, but their anxiety is so high that simple tasks require a lot of mental energy.

How does the speaker cope with the anxiety of preparing for her TED Talk?

The speaker copes with the anxiety of preparing for her TED Talk by procrastinating until the last minute, during which she mentally rehearses the talk, and then writing it out well-formed at the last minute.

Why does the speaker find it difficult to complete tasks when given a list of things to do?

The speaker finds it difficult to complete tasks when given a list because she becomes anxious about all the items on the list, leading to procrastination and an inability to start any of them.

What paradox does the speaker mention about being perceived as arrogant and lazy?

The speaker mentions the paradox that people perceive her as confident, outgoing, and fun on stage, but in person, they perceive her as rude, aloof, and arrogant due to her shyness and social anxiety. Similarly, they see her as talented and smart but lazy and unreliable because of her struggles with deadlines and communication.

How does the speaker use hobbies to manage her anxiety?

The speaker manages her anxiety by engaging in hobbies that require concentration and brain power, such as painting, playing strategy games, and participating in roller derby.

What role do the speaker's friends play in helping her navigate social situations?

The speaker's friends act as allies in social situations, helping her by introducing themselves to share the conversational load, recognizing when she needs to leave, and assisting her in exiting social events.

What does the speaker suggest is a strength that comes from her anxiety?

The speaker suggests that her heightened level of stress and worry due to anxiety makes her very good in situations where others might be stressed and worried, such as on stage, in public speaking, and in moments of crisis.

What advice does the speaker give for dealing with anxiety?

The speaker advises that talking about anxiety helps, as does cognitive behavioral therapy, having hobbies that engage the brain, controlling one's environment, and having allies or friends to help in social situations.

Outlines

00:00

🎤 Confidence on Stage vs. Anxiety in Life

The speaker begins with an energetic introduction, highlighting their love for performing and how they don't suffer from stage fright. Despite being confident on stage, they reveal that they struggle with anxiety in daily life, often feeling timid and nervous in social situations. The speaker contrasts their ability to control a performance with their struggles in regular conversations, emphasizing the nuanced nature of mental health. They explain that people misunderstand mental illness, often stereotyping it as extreme or constant fear, when in reality, anxiety affects them in specific situations, like meeting new people or engaging in social settings.

05:00

😰 Life Fright vs. Stage Fright

The speaker describes their experience of 'life fright'—anxiety during everyday activities such as attending social events, talking to strangers, and feeling out of place. They mention how this anxiety influences their behavior, leading to overthinking about simple tasks and social interactions. The speaker shares that they only recently learned about situational anxiety, social anxiety, and high-functioning anxiety. These terms resonated with them, especially as they explain that they perform well in society, often achieving high success due to their fear of failure. However, tasks requiring high levels of stimulation, like social events, can lead to mental shutdowns, making them struggle with completing even simple activities.

10:01

🕰️ Procrastination and the Pressure to Perform

The speaker talks about their experience preparing for a TED Talk, describing how they struggle with typical task breakdowns and schedules, which makes them procrastinate out of anxiety. They find that worrying about multiple tasks prevents them from starting any of them. Interestingly, their procrastination process often allows them to prepare mentally in the background, so they can eventually produce well-formed content. They acknowledge that this last-minute approach is unhealthy, unsustainable, and contributes to misconceptions about their personality, as they seem arrogant, lazy, or unreliable to others. They clarify that their perceived shortcomings are often due to their anxiety, not a lack of effort or care.

🧘 Finding Peace in Performance

The speaker explains that they rarely relax, even during moments of procrastination, as they are constantly rehearsing or thinking about their work. Performing on stage is the only time they feel relaxed, as it allows them to focus on one task. They mention the freeing realization of understanding their mental health challenges and the importance of talking about it openly. They advocate for cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) as an effective treatment and share how staying engaged in hobbies helps them manage anxiety. The speaker describes how controlling their environment and using specific spaces for specific tasks helps them cope. They also rely on friends as allies in social situations, ensuring they never face them alone.

💪 Strengths and Coping Mechanisms

The speaker reflects on the strengths they have developed as a result of dealing with anxiety, such as being able to handle high-stress situations well. This ability helps them excel at public speaking and improvisation. They recount how their anxiety allows them to focus and take control during crises, which contrasts with their struggles in regular social interactions. The speaker shares the irony of being comfortable talking to a large audience about anxiety while being too afraid to make a simple phone call for help. They highlight how they use humor and vulnerability in their performance to manage anxiety, demonstrating that talking about mental health openly can be therapeutic and empowering.

Keywords

💡Rock and Roll

Rock and Roll is a genre of popular music that originated as 'rock and roll' in the United States in the late 1940s and early 1950s, and developed into a wide-ranging genre. In the context of the video, 'Rock and Roll' is used metaphorically to incite excitement and energy from the audience, setting a lively tone for the talk.

💡Anxiety Disorder

An Anxiety Disorder refers to a group of mental health conditions characterized by feelings of anxiety and fear. The speaker in the video has an anxiety disorder but paradoxically does not experience stage fright, which is the fear of being judged in a public performance. This contrast illustrates the complexity of mental health where one can be confident in one domain while struggling in others.

💡Stage Fright

Stage fright is the fear of performing in front of an audience. The video discusses how the speaker does not suffer from stage fright despite having an anxiety disorder, highlighting that anxiety can manifest differently in various situations.

💡Mental Health

Mental Health refers to a person's emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It is a central theme of the video as the speaker discusses their personal experiences with anxiety, challenging common misconceptions about mental health.

💡Situational Anxiety

Situational Anxiety is a type of anxiety that occurs in specific situations, such as public speaking or social events. The speaker identifies with situational anxiety, explaining that their anxiety is not constant but is triggered by particular circumstances.

💡Social Anxiety

Social Anxiety is the fear of social situations that involve interaction with other people. The video describes how the speaker experiences social anxiety in everyday life, contrasting with their confidence on stage.

💡High-Functioning Anxiety

High-Functioning Anxiety refers to a condition where a person with anxiety is still able to function effectively in society, often being high achievers. The speaker relates to this concept, explaining that despite their anxiety, they are able to perform well in certain situations.

💡Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a form of psychotherapy that aims to change patterns of thinking or behavior that are behind a person's difficulties. The speaker mentions CBT as a helpful approach to managing anxiety.

💡Shy Loud

Shy Loud is a term used by the speaker to describe someone who is shy in certain situations but can be outgoing and loud in others. This term captures the nuanced nature of social anxiety and how it can vary based on context.

💡Life Fright

Life Fright is a term coined by the speaker to describe the anxiety they experience in everyday life, as opposed to stage fright. It encapsulates the idea that anxiety can be situation-specific and not limited to public performance.

💡Procrastination

Procrastination is the act of delaying or postponing tasks. The speaker mentions procrastination as a coping mechanism when faced with multiple tasks, which can exacerbate anxiety.

Highlights

The speaker expresses excitement and encourages audience participation.

The speaker discusses the common misconceptions about anxiety disorders and their personal experience.

The speaker explains how they feel confident on stage but anxious in everyday situations.

The speaker humorously shares their fear of social interactions and 'life fright'.

The concept of 'shy loud' is introduced to describe people who are shy but perform well in certain situations.

The speaker discusses 'situational anxiety', 'social anxiety', and 'high-functioning anxiety'.

The paradox of shy loud people is explored, where they are perceived as confident but struggle with social interactions.

The speaker shares their unproductive procrastination habits due to anxiety.

The benefits of leaving tasks to the last minute for the speaker are humorously highlighted.

The speaker talks about the importance of hobbies and activities that require concentration to manage anxiety.

The speaker emphasizes the need for control over one's environment to cope with anxiety.

The speaker shares their experience with seeking professional help for anxiety.

The speaker discusses the strengths that come from dealing with anxiety, such as quick wit and crisis management.

The speaker humorously mentions their fear of phones but being able to talk in front of thousands.

The speaker concludes by encouraging talking about mental health issues as a form of therapy.

Transcripts

[Music]

woo come on yes

yes Rock and Roll come on Sydney let's

make some

noise

yeah awesome yeah all right yes now make

some noise if you love t

X

yes Make Some Noise if you hate public

speaking yes Make Some Noise if you

suffer from stage

fright Make Some Noise if the idea of

giving a talk in front of thousands of

people is your

nightmare yes yes it's not for

me no I love this I love this this is my

heart home uh I know how this works I

know all the rules here I know how this

works I know I can drop my voice a

little bit get a little more

conversational talk to someone in the

front row hey how you doing Ted X am I

right rock and

roll and then when I look up we all feel

like we know each other a little bit

better yeah I know that I can walk over

here and say something silly like

fart

fart you probably laugh maybe not it's

pretty conservative audience it was a

risk

[Applause]

I know that I can raise my voice to a

crescendo and let silence hang for 3

seconds and then speak

quietly purposefully and softly and I

have your full

attention I do not get stage fright so

people find it really odd when I tell

them that I have an anxiety disorder how

on Earth can you have a problem with

with anxiety Jordan when you are so

confident on stage well see the problem

is I am only confident on stage if you

meet me afterwards or in the street you

will see me as a timid mumbly wreck who

is probably lost for words see the

nuances of mental health are often lost

on people when people hear mentally ill

they think crazy when people think

depressed they think sad when people

hear anxiety they think very very scared

all the time and for some people that is

their truth but it's not for m not for

me no I am very very scared in

particular situations scenarios with

particular processes with particular

people and I am surprisingly confident

in other situations which would be

terrible for people like

this when people describe the sensation

of stage fright they often say things

like I'm nervous

I might be lost for words I might forget

what to say uh people are looking at me

people are judging me uh I think it's

all too much everything is racing in my

head and I feel like I'm going to

freeze and I know those feelings I just

don't get them on the stage I get them

when I'm talking to someone and I don't

know what their name is I get them if I

go to a party and I turn up too early or

too late or overdressed or underdressed

or if I don't see anybody I know

I get them in most conversations

particularly conversations with people I

don't know very well I get terrified

when I have a chatty taxi

driver or

hairdresser or

plumber I get terrified like I said in

most conversations I'm terrified of

checking my email and I am absolutely

petrified about talking on the telephone

yeah yeah I don't get stage fright I get

life

fright sometimes I'll try to challenge

myself think I might go out for the

weekend and meet people have a good time

you know so I'll get all dressed up put

on a nice frock put my do my makeup get

an Uber cross my fingers he doesn't want

to

chat and I'll get to an event uh

probably a bit early I notice that

nobody's there yet so rather than be the

first one to go in I think I'll stand

outside for a little bit and Pace back

and forth but then I I think oh maybe

people are watching me pacing back and

forth and that's not a really good thing

to be doing so I'm just going to walk

around the block a couple of times but

after I've done that for a little while

then I think oh maybe people are

noticing me walk around the B I better

go in I go in I notice that I don't know

anyone and so I go to the

toilet for a good 20 25

minutes then I think oh there's probably

people waiting for the toilet and

they're standing out going what is it

with this woman in the toilet why is she

taking so long what is wrong with her

bow I really need to go and so I leave

the toilet I notice that there's a bit

of a queue and I notice that they are

watching me and they are judging me and

my thoughts are racing I don't know what

to do and I freeze like I say life

fright it is only been in the last

couple of years that I have spoken to

people uh who have a similar

relationship with anxiety as I do it's

quite common amongst performers actually

and I have one friend who describes

herself as shy loud

yeah and I quite like the phrase shy

loud he perfect um and it was only in

the last year that I actually became

acquainted with the ideas of situational

anxiety social anxiety and high

functioning anxiety now the thing is

when somebody's anxiety is high

functioning that means that they work in

society in fact we work really well uh

us shouds uh we have such a heightened

sense of worry and such a fear of

failure that we are often very high

achieving and perfectionists the problem

is that our level of worry is so high

that even simple tasks require a huge

amount of mental energy and completing

multiple tasks at the same time is very

difficult which is why situations where

there's a lot of stimulation like a

party can overwhelm us and make us shut

down when I was asked to come on board

and uh give a TED Talk I was told that

the organizers like to be very involved

with the

talks yes and

so when I signed up I was bombarded with

a whole series of emails many phone

calls and a schedule of when I was going

to have a coffee and a meeting and when

they were going to expect a plan and a

first draft and a second draft and when

we're going to have a rehearsal and a

dinner and another coffee and a

chat all reasonable things right have

some social occasions to make people

less nervous you know and break down the

task into manageable chunks complete the

first task then the second task and so

on so the whole job is done without

anyone getting stressed out makes sense

not for

me when I see a list of seven things I

then get worried about seven things and

because I don't ever get a little bit

worried I am a lot worried about seven

things and I find it very difficult to

do any of them and so I worry and I

procrastinate and I do nothing at all I

would do much better if someone said you

have to do a TED Talk see you at the Ted

Talk the cool thing that I found out

though is with the type of work I do uh

My worry is actually me doing the work

so whilst I'm sitting there

procrastinating not actually doing

anything I am doing it just in the back

of my head so when it comes time to

write the thing it just comes out pretty

well formed for example this talk was

prepared at 5:00 in the morning on the

day of the first

rehearsal so all I've worked out right

is I just need to leave everything to

the last minute and it'll be

fine which is an absolutely terrible way

to work okay it's not sustainable uh it

it doesn't work in every scenario uh

it's not very good for my well-being and

when I talk about it like that I sound

very very

arrogant and that is the Paradox of the

shy loud people see me on stage and they

presume that I am confident and outgoing

and fun and well spoken and when they

meet me in person they notice that I

don't up hold up my end of the

conversation I rarely start

conversations I have trouble making eye

contact I ask very few questions and I

often make excuses to leave so they look

at me and determine from these two sets

of behaviors that I am

rude and I am aloof and I am arrogant

when people work with me they see that

my work is generally of a high quality

but they also see that I don't answer

the emails I don't answer the phone I

struggle with deadlines and so they

determine once again that yes I am

talented and yes I am smart but I am

lazy and I am

unreliable the truth is I'm not rude

I'm very nice I'm also very very shy I'm

not aloof I actually care about the

thoughts opinions and feelings of people

so much that I'm often stunned into

silence and I don't know what to

say I'm not

arrogant

man I actually have quite a low opinion

of

myself and I'm not lazy I actually think

about the work that I am doing so much

that I just can't do it I never get to

relax I never stop I'm never relaxing

even when I'm procrastinating you know I

did prepare the talk at 5:00 a.m. on the

day of the rehearsal but I was actually

rehearsing it for a good two months

beforehand in the back of my head I

never

relax unless I'm here in these spaces in

this time that I get to share with an

audience because when I am in this space

I only need to focus on one thing

fart there

is yeah said fart at Ted

Talk there's something very freeing

about finding out that you have a mental

health issue oh there's nothing wrong

with me there's just something wrong

with

me maybe I can do something about that

and I have talking helps talking about

it helps so this right now is helping

which is really good cuz you don't get

paid for doing a TED talk

so might as well get some therapy out of

it genuine therapy is really really good

too and if you find someone uh who can

help take you out of yourself and

analyze your own behavior in MO moments

of Crisis and calm yourself down that is

really great uh I'm not a psychologist

so I won't go into the mechanics of

cogni behavioral therapy but I will say

that it is very good for these sorts of

things I also find that I am most

anxious when I am idle so I find it hard

to relax when I've got nothing to do so

I have a lot of hobbies and in

particular I have hobbies that engage my

brain and require a lot of concentration

uh so I paint I play games of strategy

and I also do roller derby yeah yes yes

cuz it requires a lot of brain power to

stay on Wheels and not get hit

also my roller derby name is judge

booty controlling your environment is

really important too and if I find that

I'm in a situation where I can't cope

I'll find a way to take myself out but I

also take control of the environments

that I occupy different parts of my

apartment are are devoted to different

parts of my life if I am writing I write

by the desk near the window if I am

painting I paint at the red desk near my

bedroom uh near my kitchen if I am

playing games I play on the desk in my

bedroom okay basically if you have

anxiety all you need to do lots of

desks I also have allies I have friends

I make sure that I don't go to social

occasions alone uh and if they see me

struggling in a conversation they will

introduce themselves to share the load

uh often starting by asking the person's

name just to make sure that I've got it

they also know to recognize when I need

to evacuate and help me get out yeah the

other thing that I've noticed is the

strength that I have because of my

anxiety I deal with such a heightened

level of stress and worry that I am

often very very good in situations when

people are typically stressed and

worried very good on stage quite good at

public speaking I'm a very good

improviser I am quick witted but I'm

also really really good at taking charge

in a moment of Crisis like I said when I

can focus on one thing I

thrive when I first thought that I might

have a problem with anxiety I spoke with

my doctor and my doctor said yes it

sounds like you might have a problem

with anxiety you would benefit from

speaking to an expert and then she

handed me a piece of paper with a phone

number on

it and I thought about ringing that

number for a long

time I'm just too bloody scared of

phones and yet I have no issue talking

about it to 4,000 people tonight fart

[Applause]

[Music]