What it means when a narcissist MISSES THE OLD YOU
Summary
TLDRIn this episode of 'A Narcissist Explains,' Lee Hammock, a diagnosed narcissist, discusses how narcissists miss the 'old you'—the person they initially met during the love bombing phase. He explains that narcissists often miss the authentic version of their partners, which they drove away through mistreatment. Hammock emphasizes the importance of recognizing the changes in oneself due to a toxic relationship and the need for healing and rediscovering one's identity after escaping such dynamics.
Takeaways
- 😌 Narcissists often miss the 'old you' - the person they initially met during the love bombing phase.
- 🤔 The narcissist's longing for the 'old you' is typically due to the way they treated you, causing you to change.
- 👥 Changes in the victim are often a result of being mistreated and conditioned to behave differently within the relationship.
- 😕 Narcissists rarely take responsibility for the changes they induce in their partners.
- 🧐 The 'old you' that narcissists miss is often the naive, easily manipulated version of you from the beginning of the relationship.
- 😣 People in relationships with narcissists may lose their identity and sense of self due to the toxic dynamics.
- 🤷♂️ It's not narcissistic for victims to miss the 'old you'; they were authentically themselves at the start.
- 😟 Narcissists present a false self initially to win affection, whereas their partners are typically genuine from the outset.
- 😢 Victims of narcissistic abuse may feel like they've lost their sense of fun, spontaneity, and self-love.
- 📚 Lee Hammock suggests using self-love journals and courses to rebuild self-esteem and rediscover oneself after leaving a toxic relationship.
- 👋 The speaker encourages viewers to subscribe for more content and offers resources for healing from narcissistic relationships.
Q & A
What is the main topic discussed in the video script?
-The main topic discussed in the video script is how narcissists miss the 'old you,' referring to the original version of a person they met before the relationship dynamics changed due to the narcissist's behavior.
What phase of a relationship does Lee Hammock mention that narcissists might miss?
-Lee Hammock mentions that narcissists might miss the 'love bombing' phase, which is typically the beginning of a relationship when the narcissist is at their most charming and affectionate.
According to the script, why do narcissists miss the original version of their partners?
-Narcissists miss the original version of their partners because that was the person they met when they were being their most manipulative and charming to win them over, and the partner was more easily manipulated and compliant.
What does Lee Hammock suggest is a common mistake narcissists make regarding the change in their partners?
-Lee Hammock suggests that narcissists commonly mistake the change in their partners as a personal failure of the partner, rather than recognizing it as a result of the narcissist's own toxic behavior.
What is the 'masking' phenomenon Lee Hammock refers to in the script?
-The 'masking' phenomenon refers to the act of both the narcissist and their partner putting on a facade or 'mask' to survive the relationship, which leads to a loss of their true selves.
Why does Lee Hammock believe people change in relationships with narcissists?
-People change in relationships with narcissists because they are conditioned to not speak up, go out, have fun, or be themselves in order to fit the expectations and desires of the narcissistic partner.
What does Lee Hammock imply about the initial behavior of a narcissist in a relationship?
-Lee Hammock implies that the initial behavior of a narcissist in a relationship is often a facade, where they present an idealized version of themselves to attract and win over their partners.
What does Lee Hammock recommend for people recovering from a relationship with a narcissist?
-Lee Hammock recommends starting a healing journey, which includes rebuilding self-love and rediscovering oneself, possibly with the help of a self-love journal.
What is the title of Lee Hammock's children's book mentioned in the script?
-The title of Lee Hammock's children's book is 'Remember It's Not Your Fault.'
What does Lee Hammock mean when he says 'you mask too'?
-When Lee Hammock says 'you mask too,' he is suggesting that people in relationships with narcissists also adopt a false persona to cope with the relationship, similar to how the narcissist does.
What is the term Lee Hammock uses to describe the initial phase of attraction in a relationship with a narcissist?
-The term Lee Hammock uses to describe the initial phase of attraction in a relationship with a narcissist is 'love bombing.'
Outlines
😔 Narcissists Miss the 'Old You'
In this segment, Lee Hammock, a diagnosed narcissist, discusses how narcissists often miss the original version of their partners. He explains that narcissists may pine for the person they initially met, who was likely more carefree and accommodating due to the love bombing phase. However, he points out that this change in the partner's behavior is often a result of the narcissist's poor treatment and conditioning. Lee shares his own experience, acknowledging that he failed to recognize how his actions led to his wife's transformation. He emphasizes that narcissists typically do not take responsibility for these changes and instead claim to miss the 'old you,' which refers to the person they initially attracted through manipulation and deceit.
🤔 The Dynamic of Missing the 'Old You'
Lee Hammock continues the discussion by clarifying that missing the 'old you' does not make someone a narcissist. He differentiates between the authentic self presented by the victim at the beginning of the relationship and the false persona the narcissist initially projects. As the relationship progresses, the narcissist's true self emerges, often leading the victim to adopt a 'mask' to cope. This dynamic shift results in the victim losing their sense of self and identity. Lee suggests that it's natural to miss the initial stages of a relationship with a narcissist, but it's crucial to understand that the narcissist was never their true self from the start. He encourages viewers to reflect on what they miss about themselves and to embark on a journey of self-discovery and healing, possibly using tools like his self-love journal, to regain their lost identity and self-love.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Narcissist
💡Love Bombing
💡Conditioning
💡Identity
💡Toxic Relationship
💡Manipulation
💡Authenticity
💡Naivety
💡Masking
💡Self-Love
💡Healing Journey
Highlights
Narcissists miss the original version of you, the one they met during the love bombing phase.
The narcissist misses a version of you that was fun, outgoing, and did everything they wanted.
Narcissists treat you badly, causing you to lose your original identity.
The change in you is a result of being mistreated and conditioned by the narcissist.
The speaker admits his own fault in changing his wife's behavior.
Narcissists do not take accountability for the changes they cause in you.
People often miss the original version of the narcissist they met.
The speaker clarifies that missing the original version of a narcissist does not make you a narcissist.
Narcissists present a false self initially to win your affection.
You were authentic at the beginning of the relationship, unlike the narcissist.
Narcissists miss the naivety and manipulability of the early stages of the relationship.
In a relationship with a narcissist, you may lose your identity and behave differently.
The speaker discusses the dynamic changes in a relationship with a narcissist.
Narcissists may say they miss the old you but do not acknowledge their role in the change.
Survivors of narcissistic relationships often miss their old selves.
The speaker suggests that you may forget who you are and what you like to do in a toxic relationship.
Narcissistic relationships can lead to a significant loss of self-love.
The speaker promotes a self-love journal to help rebuild self-love after leaving a toxic relationship.
The speaker invites viewers to subscribe for more content on the topic.
Transcripts
what is going on beautiful people I am
Lee hammock the diagnosed self-aware
narcissist known as mental illness and
welcome to another episode of a
narcissist explains in today's episode
we're talking about how narcissists miss
the old you they miss the original
version of yourself stay tuned like And
subscribe so narcissist miss the old you
and of course if you're new here I'm
actually a diagnosed narcissist so just
like you you miss the original version
of the narcissistic person that you
probably met during the love bombing
phase the narcissistic person misses the
original version as well if you used to
be fun and bubbly funny outgoing and do
thing do everything that that
narcissistic person wanted you to do
they missed that but the thing about it
is they treat you so badly that you lose
who you are you change in the
relationship just like the narcissistic
person changes but typically your
changes are a result of being treated
badly and being conditioned to not speak
up being conditioned to not go out and
have fun being conditioned to change who
you are in order to fit that person so
that's one of the things that used to
bug me in my own personal life that like
my wife changed and she wasn't fun and
outgoing anymore I was like what is
wrong with you why can't you go back to
being the old you not realizing it was
my fault that she wasn't the old
original version of herself not
realizing it was my fault that she got
conditioned to not speak up not speak
her peace or not be who she was not not
be comfortable in her own skin so a
narcissist will say that they miss the
old you but not take accountability for
why you change who you are if you made
it this far go ahead and like And
subscribe so welcome back folks welcome
back welcome back so I know it sounds
kind of counterintuitive kind of counter
like what You' learned about narcissist
and toxic people but it's true it's a
there's a truth there how narcissistic
people miss the old original version of
you like they miss the person that they
originally met when they get when they
got with you when they started messing
with you when y'all started dating or
whatever they miss you they do I know
what people say they're like well Lee we
missed the old version of The Narcissist
too does that make me a narcissist no no
no no
no you were your real self in the
beginning of a relationship with a
narcissist right you were authentically
you you bought you
bought you to the table right whereas
that narcissistic person bought someone
else to the table they bought their they
sent their representative to meet you
they became who they needed to be to get
you to fall in love with them right
whereas you bought yourself you were
really being you so they miss the
original version of who you were in the
beginning like you might have missed the
red flags you might have ignored the red
flags you might have put up with a lot
of different things but once you started
to to discover who they were who they
are they missed kind of the the naivity
navity how you said naivity they miss
how naive you might have been in the
beginning they miss being able to
manipulate you and get away with it they
miss being able to get you to question
your reality they miss those things
about you right there so when people
asking me they're like do narcissists
ever miss you do they miss you but what
ask yourself what did they miss what did
they miss about you so that's why I to
tell people like in the in the in the
grand scheme of things with who you're
dealing with with how you're dealing
with things with this narcissistic
person ask yourself what is it that they
meet Miss about you because in the
beginning you might have been fun
outgoing you you you were a different
person you CH yo one of the first things
that you lose in a relationship with the
narcissist uh and I have a video on that
is your identity you lose your identity
like you lose the Ence of who you are
who you are and they can come from a few
different things uh con constantly being
in fight or flight not knowing what's
going on not knowing what's coming next
there's a few different things of how
you get to where you're going how you
get to where you are in these spaces
right there's a few different reasons
but you lose who you you lose you you
lose you so you start to behave
differently you start to act differently
right but why why is that because you're
in this toxic relationship no the
narcissistic person won't take won't
take accountability for you being
different they'll just say you you've
been you you've changed you're not who I
you I missed the old you some of them
might actually say I missed the old you
I miss who you were I wish things I wish
things could go back to the beginning
you see what I'm saying and you as a
possible Survivor of a narcissistic
toxic relationship you know exactly what
I'm saying because you might have said
the same thing you might have thought
the same thing but thinking that and
saying that don't make you a narcissist
I'll say that right there thinking those
thinking that and saying that doesn't
mean that you are a narcissist I think a
lot of people get that confused a lot of
people miss out on that space and don't
understand that that Dynamic right there
like who you were in the beginning where
you were you the narcissist was not
themselves they sent their
representative to meet you they sent
their representative to interact with
you they were not being who they really
are so you were they weren they were not
you know they weren't we're not uh who
they are who they actually are so it
doesn't make you a narcissist to want to
go back to the beginning if you were
really you in the beginning you see like
when the narcissist takes their mask off
off they become who they really are and
typically that's later on in the
relationship you go into the
relationship mask off right you go into
the relationship mask off like who you
being who you are typically you are you
know but in the relationship you end up
putting putting a mask on to survive you
see you end up putting a mask on to
survive oh I just came over with there
oh oh that's a more fire the narciss
oh y'all know hey uh you mask too that's
G to be a video y'all that's G be a
video right there you mask too like the
the dynamic changes y'all the dynamic
changes in the beginning of the
relationship with a narcissist you might
have been chasing after them right but
now like like they might have been
chasing after you but now the dynamic
has switched and you're chasing after
them they were masking in the beginning
and then now the dynamic has switched
and you're masking in the relationship
to survive you lose who you are because
you walk you walk around with this mask
on all the time and you take your mask
off in your comfortable areas which is
typically around your friends and family
which is why you might behave
differently which is why you might
behave differently in front of your
friends and family or around your
friends and family then you do for this
narcissistic person I'm going to go oh
that's going to be a fire video when I
make it and it's coming soon too like
you mask too what what y these ideas I'm
so y I'm so grateful for y'all you mask
as well so if you if you end up dealing
with if you are dealing with a
narcissistic person toxic person
whatever right and you just think to
yourself you y you might miss the old
youu as well I'll say that right there
you are probably going to miss the old
youu as well you're probably going to
for forget the things that you like to
do the things that you want to do you're
going to miss out on you're going to
feel like you're missing out on a lot L
of different things right like I don't
know what I like to do anymore I don't
know who I am anymore you lose a lot of
self-love in these relationship Dynamics
with narcissists and toxic people you
you you really really do y'all you lose
a lot of self-love you lose a you lose a
lot in these spaces so you have to start
the healing Journey like I have a
self-love Journal that's available on
Amazon and I have a self-love Court
called Lee hammock I love me a self- Lov
Journal just um search Amazon leam self
love and it pops up to help you rebuild
that self love and ReDiscover yourself
um after you get out of it but anyways
y'all thank you for tuning in to another
episode like And subscribe for more and
as always as always y'all mil Hood this
is out peace thank you so much for
making it to the end of my video you are
a mental heal this rockstore and I
appreciate you for being here if you
haven't already make sure to click on
the screen to subscribe to the channel
and watch another one of my videos in my
playlist there's also a link available
up here for you to purchase my kids book
remember it's not your fault on Amazon
so check that out thank you I will see
you on the next video peace
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