When a narcissist loses the best thing that ever happened to them | The Narcissists' Code Ep 862

Summary

Narcissist and mental health advocate Lee Hammock discusses narcissists' biggest regret: losing access and control over a good supply, or someone who validates them unconditionally. Though narcissists may actually regret mistreating others, their egos are too big to openly admit it. Hammock explains that narcissists build an ideal partner in their minds. So when they lose that perfectly tailored, validating supply source, the sting can lead to intense obsession. Yet for them to truly experience regret requires total no contact. Hammock stresses this regret alone doesn’t justify reconciliation with a toxic person.

Takeaways

• 😕 Narcissists regret losing access and control over their supply, not how they mistreated them
• 😞 They wish they could build their perfect, customized supply to meet their needs
• 😔 They may think about and regret losing past supplies, but are too prideful to admit it
• 🤔 Supplies often just want validation that they mattered to the narcissist
• 😢 Narcissists lack the ability to treat people as equals due to ego and entitlement
• 😠 They pretend not to care about losing supplies due to pride, despite regret
• 😌 Supplies have to completely cut contact for narcissists to feel regretful
• 😣 Some narcissists become obsessive and dangerous when supplies leave
• 😁 Supplies finding happiness alone induces the most narcissistic regret
• ❤️ Validation should come from within, not from narcissists who will never change

Q & A

What is one of the biggest regrets a narcissist can have?

One of the biggest regrets a narcissist can have is losing access and control over a good narcissistic supply source, which provided them with validation, support, etc.

Why is it hard for narcissists to express regret over their actions?

Narcissists tend to have overinflated egos and pride which makes it very difficult for them to openly express regret or vulnerability over their hurtful actions.

Do narcissists think about and regret losing past partners?

Yes, narcissists often do think about and regret losing access to past partners who were good narcissistic supplies, even years later.

What causes a narcissist to become obsessive or dangerous after a breakup?

The intense regret and loss of access to supply can cause some narcissists to become obsessive stalkers or even physically dangerous to try to regain access to and control over their past partner.

Why do victims often return to narcissistic partners repeatedly?

Victims may return hoping the narcissist regrets losing them and will finally treat them better, but without true self-awareness this is unlikely to happen.

How can one make a narcissist actually regret losing them?

The only way a narcissist can truly regret losing someone is if that person completely cuts contact and denies them access, forcing the narcissist to experience the loss.

What are some examples of great narcissistic supply sources?

Examples include partners who provide abundant validation, status-enhancing opportunities, financial support, childcare assistance, etc.

What communication style works best when co-parenting with a narcissist?

Brief, logistical communication focused solely on the children's needs, with clear boundaries to limit the narcissist's access.

What are signs a narcissist greatly regrets losing you?

Signs may include them becoming obsessive stalkers, desperately pleading for another chance, excessive love-bombing, or even threatening self-harm.

What self-care tips help survivors after leaving a narcissist?

Tips like therapy for healing and enforcing no contact boundaries, rediscovering passions, spending time with supportive people, and being patient with yourself.