Stop Procrastinating: Heal Trauma by Taking ACTION

Summary

The video explores procrastination, particularly in individuals with childhood trauma, and how it can lead to paralysis in daily life. It discusses the cycle of avoidance and stress, emphasizing that procrastination is not self-care but a response to stress. The speaker shares personal experiences, highlighting the importance of taking consistent action, even small steps, to overcome this paralysis. Through deliberate effort, people can build momentum, find fulfillment, and stop feeling like life is passing them by. The message encourages overcoming procrastination by facing tasks head-on and creating a sustainable routine.

Takeaways

• 🧠 Procrastination often stems from stress, especially for those with childhood trauma, leading to a cycle of avoidance and increased stress.
• 😟 People with childhood PTSD can experience paralysis, where even simple tasks feel overwhelming and impossible to complete.
• ⚡ Overcoming procrastination requires taking action, even when it feels hard. It's about breaking through the paralysis and not waiting for the perfect moment.
• 🎯 Tackling stress is not about avoiding tasks but facing them directly. The key is to take one small step at a time to regain control and reduce stress.
• 💪 Building momentum through small, consistent actions is more effective and sustainable than big bursts of energy followed by burnout.
• 😔 Procrastination often disguises itself as self-care, but in reality, it increases stress and delays personal growth.
• 🌱 Taking action helps build strength and resilience. The more action taken, the easier it becomes, and it leads to a feeling of fulfillment.
• ⏳ People with childhood PTSD may avoid tasks out of fear of failure or stress, but avoiding tasks only makes things harder in the long run.
• 🏗️ Action, even small steps, helps create order out of chaos, leading to a more fulfilling life. Procrastination prevents people from reaching their full potential.
• 🚶‍♀️ Consistent, balanced action leads to long-term progress. Overcoming the fear of criticism and failure helps in taking continuous steps toward personal goals.

Q & A

What is the main issue discussed in the transcript?

The transcript discusses procrastination, particularly how it can take over someone's life, especially for those who experienced childhood abuse or neglect. It explores the idea of 'paralysis,' where a person is unable to take action on their intentions due to stress and fear.

How does the speaker define procrastination?

The speaker defines procrastination as a state of paralysis where a person finds themselves unable to take positive action on their own behalf, even for small day-to-day tasks or larger, more important responsibilities. It is seen as a way of avoiding stress but ultimately leads to more stress.

What role does stress play in procrastination according to the transcript?

Stress is seen as a key driver of procrastination. It makes tasks seem harder, leading people to avoid them. However, this avoidance creates more stress, forming a vicious cycle where procrastination and stress feed into each other.

Why does the speaker think procrastination is common among people with childhood trauma?

The speaker believes that people with childhood trauma, especially those with Complex PTSD (CPTSD), often experience chronic stress and emotional dysregulation. This makes everyday tasks feel overwhelming, leading them to procrastinate as a way to cope with the stress.

What is the speaker's proposed solution to overcoming procrastination?

The speaker suggests that taking consistent, small actions is the key to overcoming procrastination. Instead of waiting for motivation, people should focus on building momentum by completing one small task at a time, which can help break the cycle of avoidance and stress.

How does the speaker describe their own experience with procrastination?

The speaker shares their personal struggle with procrastination, particularly when creating videos, despite loving the final product. They describe how they often feel a strong urge to avoid work by engaging in trivial tasks, like cleaning or watching TV, because creative work is difficult.

What is the speaker's view on the idea of procrastination as self-care?

The speaker rejects the idea that procrastination is a form of self-care. While resting is essential, procrastination only adds more stress and prevents people from accomplishing their goals, making them feel worse in the long run.

Why does the speaker believe taking action is crucial for people with CPTSD?

The speaker emphasizes that taking action, even in small steps, helps build strength, confidence, and momentum. For people with CPTSD, action is a way to counter feelings of paralysis and to move toward healing by engaging in life rather than avoiding it.

What advice does the speaker give for people who tend to take large bursts of action and then crash?

The speaker advises against trying to do everything all at once, as it can lead to exhaustion and a loss of momentum. Instead, they recommend taking action at a healthy pace, with small, consistent steps to build strength and maintain balance.

What is the overall message of the transcript?

The overall message is that procrastination is often a response to stress and trauma, particularly for those with childhood CPTSD. However, by taking small, consistent actions, individuals can break the cycle of paralysis, reduce stress, and live a more fulfilling life.

Outlines

00:00

😖 Overcoming Procrastination and Emotional Paralysis

This paragraph discusses how procrastination can take over one’s life, especially for those who experienced childhood trauma like abuse or neglect. It highlights the emotional paralysis that procrastination causes, making individuals unable to act on their own behalf, even on simple day-to-day tasks. The speaker relates personal experiences of feeling demoralized by this paralysis and explains that procrastination sabotages one's intentions, affecting relationships, careers, and health. They introduce the concept of stress as a core problem and discuss how procrastination often emerges as a weak attempt to deal with it.

05:02

🔁 The Vicious Cycle of Stress and Procrastination

This section elaborates on the cycle of stress and avoidance, particularly for individuals with childhood PTSD. The stress from ordinary tasks leads to procrastination, which in turn increases stress. The speaker emphasizes how even simple things like interacting with others, maintaining a schedule, or making money become stressful. The paragraph encourages facing these tasks head-on to reduce stress and improve happiness. It also suggests changing one’s mindset—labeling tasks as life’s activities rather than sources of stress.

10:02

⚖️ Managing Stress with Balanced Action

Here, the speaker addresses the urge to tackle everything at once, which often leads to overwhelm and ultimately back to procrastination. They advise taking action at a sustainable pace and building habits like exercising a muscle. The importance of not identifying with trauma or self-defeating behaviors is stressed. While acknowledging workaholism, the speaker clarifies that their advice is aimed at procrastinators. The key message is that small, consistent steps are more effective than overexertion.

15:04

🏁 The Power of Commitment and Facing Fear

The speaker shares a personal story about procrastinating for years on their idea for 'Crappy Childhood Fairy.' Despite fears of judgment, failure, and the demands of commitment, they took action after attending a seminar. This marked the beginning of their journey to launch a blog, which later grew into a YouTube channel and courses. The key takeaway is that while fear of hard work is real, not pursuing one’s passion is far more stressful. Taking action, even with fear, is essential to fulfilling one’s potential.

🚶‍♀️ Small Actions Lead to Adventure and Fulfillment

This paragraph highlights the importance of taking small, consistent actions to build momentum in life. It acknowledges that success isn’t always guaranteed, but the adventure and personal growth that come from pursuing one’s goals are invaluable. The speaker urges people to continue taking action despite setbacks, noting that these small steps enhance one’s aliveness and open up new possibilities. For those with childhood PTSD, balancing action with self-regulation is crucial for maintaining long-term progress and avoiding burnout.

Keywords

💡Procrastination

Procrastination refers to delaying or avoiding tasks that need to be done, even when one knows they should be completed. In the video, it is portrayed as a common issue that can take over someone's life, especially for those with childhood trauma, creating a cycle of avoidance and stress. The speaker shares personal experiences of avoiding tasks like video production, despite knowing the satisfaction it would bring after completion.

💡Paralysis

Paralysis in this context refers to a mental state where an individual feels stuck and unable to take action, even on simple tasks. It is described as a condition that affects people who have experienced trauma, preventing them from moving forward in life. The speaker uses it to explain the feeling of being demoralized by procrastination and the inability to make progress in daily activities.

💡Stress

Stress is defined as a mental or emotional strain resulting from challenging circumstances. The video explains that stress is often at the core of procrastination, as people avoid tasks to escape the stress associated with them. However, avoiding these tasks creates more stress, especially for those with childhood PTSD, who already live in a constant state of heightened stress.

💡Childhood PTSD

Childhood PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) refers to the lasting psychological effects of trauma experienced during childhood. The video highlights how individuals with childhood PTSD often struggle more with procrastination and stress because their brains are conditioned to be in a constant state of alertness. This makes everyday tasks feel overwhelming, leading to avoidance and further stress.

💡Self-care

Self-care involves taking actions that promote mental, emotional, and physical well-being. The video argues that procrastination is often mistaken for self-care, with individuals convincing themselves that avoiding work will help them relax. However, the speaker clarifies that true self-care involves tackling tasks and responsibilities, as avoidance only increases stress in the long run.

💡Taking action

Taking action is the central solution presented in the video to combat procrastination and paralysis. The speaker emphasizes that the only way to overcome procrastination is to take small, consistent actions, even when it's hard. This concept is crucial as it highlights that progress is made by doing, and that avoiding tasks only worsens the stress and feelings of inadequacy.

💡Avoidance

Avoidance is the act of steering clear of tasks or situations that cause discomfort or stress. In the video, avoidance is identified as a coping mechanism for people dealing with stress or trauma. The speaker shares examples like avoiding work by doing trivial tasks (e.g., cleaning the silverware drawer) and explains that avoidance only delays the inevitable and leads to more stress.

💡Commitment

Commitment is defined as dedicating oneself to a task or goal. The speaker explains that making a commitment is a powerful motivator for overcoming procrastination, as it forces one to take action despite discomfort or stress. An example given is the speaker’s commitment to creating content for their channel, which requires discipline and effort, even when it feels hard.

💡Momentum

Momentum refers to the forward movement gained by taking small, consistent actions. The video emphasizes the importance of building momentum in tackling procrastination, as each small action taken makes it easier to keep going. This concept is related to the idea that doing begets more doing, and the more one works towards goals, the easier and more natural it becomes to continue.

💡Dysregulation

Dysregulation refers to the inability to properly manage emotional responses, which is common among people with childhood PTSD. In the video, dysregulation is discussed as a barrier to taking action, as it often causes individuals to avoid tasks and responsibilities. The speaker notes that taking small actions can help bring balance (or ‘equilibrate’) to one's emotions, making it easier to manage stress and overcome avoidance.

Highlights

Procrastination is a common issue, but for those who experienced childhood abuse or neglect, it can take over their life and lead to depression.

This state of procrastination is referred to as 'paralysis,' where one is unable to take positive action, even on simple tasks like paying bills or brushing teeth.

The speaker describes their personal struggle with procrastination, even when working on projects they love, like creating videos, because the preparatory work is hard.

Procrastination is framed as a response to stress, creating a vicious cycle where stress leads to avoidance, which then causes more stress.

For individuals with childhood PTSD, even ordinary tasks can feel exhausting and stressful, making procrastination more likely.

The speaker emphasizes that procrastination is not self-care and actually adds to stress rather than alleviating it.

Facing stress head-on and taking action, even in small steps, can break the cycle of procrastination and help regain control.

Procrastination often results from the fear of the difficulty of tasks, rather than the tasks themselves being complex.

One strategy suggested is to take small, consistent actions daily to build momentum and reduce the feeling of overwhelm.

Identifying and addressing underlying issues, like feelings of anger or self-blame, can help in overcoming procrastination.

Making commitments to projects or goals can be daunting, but they can also provide structure and motivation to take action.

The speaker discusses their journey of overcoming procrastination by committing to a seminar and gradually building a successful project, emphasizing the importance of starting small.

Taking action regularly, even in small increments, helps develop confidence and resilience against the fear of failure or judgment.

Consistent small actions can lead to personal growth and fulfillment, even if they don’t always result in immediate success.

Procrastination can feel like life is passing by, but taking small steps towards action can open up opportunities and create a sense of purpose.

Transcripts

have you ever had the experience where

you know

you should do something like go to work

on time or put the laundry away or

finish a creative project or brush your

teeth before bed but you just couldn't

do it

everybody procrastinates sometimes but

for people who experienced abuse and

neglect in childhood

procrastinating can take over your life

it can hold you back it can make you

depressed that you're stuck day after

day in the same old rut like a paralysis

now what is that i've had this happen

i've spent months at a time in this

place before and i'll tell you it is so

demoralizing when it's happening to know

that you're here in the world to do good

but something in you is not letting you

do it

what causes it i'll tell you and i'll

show you how you can take steps today to

change okay so the problem with

procrastination is that it sabotages

your will your intentions right

and i call this state paralysis

because you literally find yourself

unable to take positive action on your

own behalf and this can be in little

day-to-day things like browsing the

internet when you have work to do or in

big things that affect lots of people in

important ways like not getting around

to mailing the utility bill and leaving

the whole family without electricity

now

that used to happen in the home where i

grew up you can also procrastinate to

the degree that you ruin your

relationship your career your integrity

and your health

and in fact we've all flaked out on our

good intentions in most of these areas

at least once right

so what's going on when we can't act

honestly i think that doing things

committing ourselves spending energy

creating something out of nothing the

reason we put it off is because it's not

really a big thing it's really simple

it's because it's hard that's why it's

hard

one of the great joys of my life is

in publishing videos like this one right

and then reading all the comments and

discussions that you guys contribute i

love doing this but if publishing videos

is my joy

and it's how my family also earns its

income

then how come

i spend days when i'm supposed to be

preparing these videos and planning and

researching and writing and getting the

intro right and shooting them

it's like torture for me i'm i'm dying

of avoidance during those days

and because making these videos takes

days of preparation really like it's

about six to eight hours per video

of just like focused creative work that

kind of work that's hard where you're

making something out of nothing well

when it's time to plan the content oh my

gosh

i just get so interested in you know

cleaning out the silverware drawer

combing the cat i've done both of those

things today

finally i'm making this video right

and it makes no sense because releasing

these videos makes me happy

but

doing the work that leads up to that

moment is just hard work that's all

there's nothing wrong with it there's

nothing that complicated it's just hard

i want so bad when i'm having to like

plan a video i just like i get this huge

desire i just want to lay down i want to

watch you know hulu

but

just like you if i give into that all

the time my life is never going to go

anywhere so lying around it sounds great

it's a nice fantasy that it's going to

make everything better but in reality

it's totally depressing

so what makes me happy is sticking to my

intention

to create videos even when it's hard i

make good videos i'm happy with them

well i make dead sometimes but being

engaged in creating and sharing and

serving people in the world is what

makes me tick now procrastinating is a

very weak solution that attempts to

solve the problem of stress it's stress

right stress is a problem and

it can make it seem like

any minute now we're going to get all

this energy in focus like i'll

procrastinate now and then boom you know

like a grenade i'm going to explode with

energy i always think i wish there was

like the

creative version of the defibrillator

you know those things they put on a

person's chest when their heart stops

and they jolt the heart back into

beating i always think like what's the

thing that's going to jolt me back into

work and like get me back to the desk

and there is no magic thing it's just

like no matter how i feel about it it's

getting up and walking over and then

sitting down in my chair here and doing

it so another piece of that fantasy is

the

is the delusion that procrastinating is

self-care

but is it

no

no resting it might be self-care but

procrastinating is not self-care it's

just like the worst waste of time

it doesn't de-stress you it causes

stress for people with childhood ptsd

especially when there's a lot of

unhealed stuff you're in a state of

stress pretty much all the time so

everything is hard and that is the

vicious cycle stress makes things hard

so you avoid tasks which makes you more

stressed which prompts you to avoid

tasks even more there it is

people who don't have childhood ptsd

have no idea how much work it is for

some of us to do ordinary things

it's exhausting and stressful just being

in the world sometimes right people are

stressful going out of the house is

stressful sticking to a schedule is

stressful

expressing yourself is stressful and

hearing other people's opinions when you

disagree with them that can be stressful

too

and making money of course is stressful

but you know what's more stressful not

doing all of these things and that's why

when you feel overwhelmed and stressed

the solution isn't always to just

retreat and give yourself permission to

procrastinate sometimes the best way to

calm stress is to just face right into

it and take the chaos of all those

unfinished tasks

and the heap of to do items and

forgotten emails and unfinished projects

and just get to work on them one at a

time

you might want to stop thinking about

stress and overwhelm to stop telling

yourself that the solution is to avoid

everything that's stressful for you just

even like just stop even labeling it

stress

just look at it as like this is life i'm

alive i'm doing the things that are part

of my life because in the end the path

of least resistance is to just do the

things just do them anyway that's how

they get easier you're making order out

of chaos and it feels good it feels

inspiring and that's how you get happier

so how do you get started

you get the urge sometimes once you feel

ready to just run out there and just do

it all right do you ever get that that

is such a childhood ptsd thing to go

from i can't do anything to just like

i'm gonna do everything

and there are times when it doesn't make

sense to just run out there and go for

it and force yourself to tackle your

list in a day i don't want to discourage

you if you've got that positive energy

but what can happen is you make a list

of 20 or 40 or 100 things you start on

the first thing and then you sort of

expand it to the first 10 things and

you're kind of doing them all at once

and running around and next thing you

know it's just regulating you because

you're tired and you're you know you're

trying to juggle too much and you can't

really like

keep order of your of your thoughts

you're just like go go go go go and then

you fall back into procrastination so

taking action at a good pace a healthy

pace it's like a muscle you can start to

work it out slowly just a little at a

time at first and then you get stronger

and whether you do a little at a time or

go on a cleaning binge today i'll tell

you what the solution is not the

solution is not

to give up on yourself don't identify

with the trauma and mistake paralysis

and giving up for being good to yourself

when you let yourself down your worst

behaviors will start just coming up now

i am aware that some people are like

workaholics so i don't want you to take

this advice and

usually it's not the workaholics who

would be writing me about this it's

people who are concerned about the

workaholics going but what about

workaholism it's not always good to keep

going and of course everything can be

done on the extreme but you know who i'm

talking to you know who you are it's the

procrastinators all right when you let

yourself down

your worst behaviors will start coming

up when you fall short of your own goals

you know what your cptsd wants to do it

wants to find someone to blame is it

going to blame you is it going to blame

him her your parents society right it

starts to churn

and you start having random thoughts

about how people are against you or

you're going over and over some harm

done to you in the past if that's

happening when you're trying to take

action

check in with yourself ask yourself is

there something that i'm having trouble

handling right now am i avoiding

something

am i actually angry at myself for not

following through on what i need to be

doing

and by the way if you're not sure if

complex ptsd is the thing that drives

some of your self-defeating actions like

this

you can take a quiz i developed and it's

it's right down in the description

section it's in the very top row you'll

see it right under the video you can

take that quiz and i will send you a

list of really common symptoms of cptsd

and you can check and see if they apply

to you

your strength

lies in action action taken in right

proportion to your capacity so don't

wait until it feels right for you to

start brushing your teeth all right just

take that one step and just brush your

teeth even if you're tired just for

practice just to stretch yourself

then the next day you can do the laundry

and if you're still feeling good you can

reply to emails that people wrote you

weeks ago

but that you never answered you can

schedule a haircut you can pop into the

gym that you pay for all the time but

you haven't been to in three months all

right you can review your credit card

bill for all the monthly subscriptions

you forgot you're paying and see if

there's any you can remove

you know the good actions that you need

to be taking next you may have to push

yourself

not like a maniac but some every day you

know that saying that you hear sometimes

don't be a human doing be a human being

well that's a good sentiment having

grown up in a commune i'm always a

little bit like skeptical of stuff like

that and the reason is because doing and

being are both really important all

right that that like criticism of like

doing having something wrong with it no

doing and being both important and doing

is how we earn a living and it's how we

express ourselves and how are you going

to become fully yourself if you don't do

things

it's not just the thing that you get

done it's the momentum that you build

from just doing anything at all and the

more you're taking action the easier it

becomes and the more natural it feels to

keep taking action

i procrastinated for years on the idea

for crappy childhood fairy it was on my

mind for two decades i mean it wasn't

totally formed yet i hadn't learned

everything i needed to learn really to

be ready but it was on my mind and i

didn't have the inner power to do

anything about it so eventually i did

i'm so glad and the thing that launched

me into action was i signed up for an

expensive seminar about how to share

your own life story as a way to teach

others like online

and i wanted to do this thing it just

seemed like this huge amount of money

and i was terrified to do it

and

what if i actually did the you know

launched it this started as a blog and

what if i did that and i got judged well

i did a little bit

what if my work was bad it is sometimes

what if i was successful and then i was

committed to always having to work hard

on it that is kind of what happened but

i don't have to work hard i like to work

hard i do procrastinate sometimes it

comes from the exact same place as

anybody's procrastination i just have a

lack of power to do what i intend

but that was the big fear is that i'd

get stuck i'd have to be in action all

the time and i'd have no escape

and

so i find that i have more confidence in

my ability to really step up and work

hard if i can periodically just like

take time away lie down not for too long

not that big like time waste or lie down

but just go hey i can take a break

anytime i want i don't have to fear this

i don't have to be afraid to make a

commitment i'll talk about this in

another video sometime but making

commitments is where life starts to get

really like rich so

so that's a lot what we're talking about

when we take action some of that is just

making a commitment to start a new

project and if you start the new project

i mean let's say you open a a shop right

well now you got to go to work every day

at the shop

and that's all it is it's hard you know

you can just foresee like even when i'm

sad even when i'm disregulated i'm gonna

have to go

but i really cannot emphasize enough

that while that is stressful it is so

much more stressful to not take that

action to not open that shop when that's

what you wanted to do imagine if i never

did the crappy childhood fairy just

because i was afraid it would involve

work

part of me would love to lay around and

just watch tv there's so much great tv

out there you know and it seems like

unlimited tv would really be nice but

most of us know what that really feels

like right it feels terrible

your life passes you by it feels like

it's passing you by because it is

passing you by you're not being you

you're not doing what you're meant to be

doing and what you're meant to be doing

is really the only thing that's ever

going to make you feel happy and

fulfilled and have that feeling like

i lived well today this was a good day

it was worthwhile i lived my life and

for me the things that make me feel that

way are

like connecting well with my family and

and people close to me

and a little bit every day of that also

to go be outside and walk around like i

go take a walk outside i feel like yeah

i lived my day

and

doing work that i know is making a

difference in people's lives that makes

a good day i like those days and i used

to feel envious of people who build

roads for example i don't know why roads

but you know you get stuck in traffic

and there's like road work there and

people are working i used to think god

they're so lucky they go home at night

and they're like you know today i built

100 feet of road

and it's a real thing and they did it

and they know that they had it and i

often had work that it was a little less

tangible

like you know working online working in

offices and i didn't have that

satisfaction but really the road is not

what would have done it for me it's

doing what i was made to do and finally

i'm doing it and it is so fun

it's so fun to to do the thing that you

were meant to do i knew it i knew it one

day i saw that seminar i paid the money

i went and it was a lot of money and it

was four days in a corporate hotel boy

that added up

and then on the third day i got stomach

flu i couldn't even go to the fourth day

it was kind of rough but i started

and that was the day

that the feeling that life was passing

me by like went away i started and i was

using my gifts i was on my way and i had

to make use of all that money i spent on

the seminar i felt like i had to follow

up and like make this blog the blog then

turned into the videos the videos turned

into the youtube channel then there were

courses now there's a membership and all

that it just grew and grew and it's just

kind of carrying me along in a thing

that i had a vague sense that i wanted

to do but i couldn't even see it

until i was kind of walking through the

paces of it and to this day like i don't

know exactly where it's going i just

keep taking action

i keep taking action try to show up for

it it can be hard

but never as hard as it would have been

if i knew that i could create crappy

childhood fairy but i didn't make the

effort

and that's why it feels like life is

passing you by when you can't act

because time is ticking and the world is

just waiting for you to step up and take

your true place in it it's time okay

it's time for you to do that you can do

that by taking action you can do it with

one you can do it with a big burst of

action but i think it's a little more

sustainable if you take small consistent

actions just take some every day get

them like worked into your routine

because they will get you there too

they give you a little breather though

between actions so that you can you know

kind of go through your cptsd

dysregulation get re-regulated come back

equilibrate do you know that word that

means like to get things balanced

um so that you can handle the stress

that life gives you each time you put

yourself out there that's what's scary

when you take action and you start

pursuing what you really want you're

putting yourself out there and so

when you get criticized and you will you

know you just will and that's okay when

you are very clear about what you're

trying to do it hurts less it doesn't

like stop you in your tracks like it

used to so you need that strength small

actions taken consistently

dealing with what happens equilibrating

and it's like super vitamins for

childhood ptsd

if you were constrained from letting

your light shine

your spirit is going to love doing this

these small actions you're getting

somewhere and accomplishment feels

really good that's what you were held

back from with your cptsd when you keep

taking those small actions

does success always follow no not always

but what does follow is adventure the

adventure of your life you're in the

game all right you're in the soup as my

mom used to say

you may or may not reach the goal you

may not even want the goal by the time

you get there but the act of taking

those steps will increase your aliveness

and open you up to life in all kinds of

ways that you didn't even expect all

right you're open for business your

strength is action

now it's totally common for people with

cptsd to take action in big bursts and

then crash afterwards and lose all the

momentum and i have a video that's about

preventing that it flows really nicely

with this video and you will find it

right here and i will see you very soon

[Laughter]

[Music]

you