Firmness as a Parent

Summary

In this reflective account, a parent narrates their experience with their two-and-a-half-year-old son, Arier, who recently started preschool. The parent discusses the importance of firmness and gentleness in teaching self-regulation, drawing from an incident during a mountain hike a year prior. They recount how, through consistent firm guidance and respect, they helped Arier overcome his fear of separation and develop self-control, leading to improved behavior and a stronger sense of security.

Takeaways

• 👨‍👦 The father recounts an experience with his two and a half year old son, Arier, during a hike where firm reassurance helped soothe the child's crying.
• 🌲 The incident on the hike marked the beginning of the father realizing the importance of firmness in parenting, especially for his son.
• 📚 Arier started preschool recently, which was a significant change leading to increased whining and emotional responses at home.
• 🛌 The father used firm physical contact and verbal reassurance to help Arier calm down during a bedtime routine after a stressful day at preschool.
• 👶 The toddler's response to the firm approach indicated a need for structure and a way to self-regulate his emotions, which the father aimed to instill.
• 👪 The father emphasizes the importance of respect in parenting, showing it by believing in Arier's capabilities and teaching him self-control.
• 🏡 The father discusses the concept of safety and protection within the family, highlighting his role as protector and the duality of power and safety.
• 📖 The parents are reading 'Hunt, Gather Parent', a book that aligns with their approach to involving their child in family responsibilities.
• 🍽 The father encourages Arier's participation in household chores, like cleaning dishes, to foster a sense of contribution and respect within the family.
• 🌟 The narrative highlights the father's intentional approach to parenting, focusing on mutual respect, responsibility, and the development of the child's character.

Q & A

How old is the child mentioned in the script?

The child is two and eight months old.

What was the child's reaction when he started preschool?

The child was very upset and afraid, especially of being left by his mother.

How did the parent handle the child's whining after starting preschool?

The parent used firmness and gentleness to help the child regulate his emotions, providing a firm structure and teaching self-control.

What was the parent's approach when the child was crying during a bath?

The parent held the child firmly, made eye contact, and used a firm tone to reassure the child, encouraging him to 'pull himself together'.

What technique did the parent use to help the child calm down during a nighttime episode?

The parent held the child tightly, used a deep, rumbling growl to provide a sense of firmness, and reassured the child verbally that he was okay.

How did the parent's actions affect the child's behavior the next day?

The child did not cry the next morning for the first time in a week and a half, indicating that he had learned some self-control.

What is the significance of the parent's capability for violence in providing safety?

The parent's capability for violence, when properly controlled and directed outwards, creates a safe environment for the family by acting as a protector.

What role does respect play in the parent's approach to handling the child's emotions?

Respect is a fundamental aspect of the parent's approach, as it involves trusting the child's capabilities and teaching him to trust and respect himself.

What book are the parents reading that aligns with their parenting philosophy?

The parents are reading a book called 'Hunt, Gather Parent'.

How does the parent involve the child in household tasks?

The parent involves the child in tasks like cleaning dishes and loading the dishwasher, respecting the child's desire to help and teaching responsibility.