The Dark Side of Social Media

Summary

The video script explores the impact of being a digital content creator over 13 years, delving into the mental effects of constantly curating an idealized version of oneself online. The speaker reflects on struggles with authenticity, comparison, and imposter syndrome while highlighting how social media distorts self-perception. It also touches on the pressure to create viral content and the importance of setting boundaries between life and work. Tips for reducing social media use and preserving mental health are shared, emphasizing mindfulness and intentionality in online engagement.

Takeaways

• 😊 The speaker shares their journey of being a digital content creator for 13 years, starting at 20, and how it has profoundly impacted their life.
• 🤔 Social media often distorts authenticity, allowing creators to present refined, 'perfect' versions of themselves while hiding their real-life struggles and imperfections.
• 😟 Constant comparison between one's real self and online persona can lead to feelings of inadequacy, imposter syndrome, and mental health challenges.
• 💡 The speaker highlights how social media can affect self-esteem, amplifying insecurities rather than providing true validation or confidence.
• 😣 Reading both positive and negative comments online can be toxic, inflating self-importance or causing mental harm, with negative feedback often having a long-lasting impact.
• 📱 The speaker admits to sometimes doing things 'for the gram,' blurring the lines between real life and content creation, leading to constant pressure to be 'on.'
• 🎯 Finding a niche can feel limiting, and the speaker encourages exploring various interests and focusing on depth and authenticity in content creation.
• 📉 To avoid the trap of constant online comparison and distraction, the speaker shares practical tips like using apps to limit social media time, turning off notifications, and charging the phone away from reach.
• 🧘‍♂️ Mindfulness is emphasized as key when engaging with social media—using it intentionally to connect rather than to compare.
• 👋 The speaker concludes with a reminder that attention is precious, and focusing on what truly matters helps maintain balance and a healthier relationship with social media.

Q & A

What career did the speaker unknowingly start at the age of 20?

The speaker unknowingly started a career as a digital content creator at the age of 20.

How has the speaker's digital content creation career affected her life?

The speaker mentions that being a digital content creator has been the best job she's ever had and has changed her life in ways she couldn't have imagined.

What does the speaker say about the impact of social media on authenticity?

The speaker notes that being constantly 'on' for social media distorts our sense of authenticity, as it creates a refined and often idealized version of ourselves that we present online.

What are some common tropes social media personalities use to craft their online personas?

Some common tropes include beauty, fashion, lifestyle, and even being 'relatable' or 'unfiltered' as a trademark.

How does social media comparison affect mental health, according to the speaker?

The speaker describes 'compare and despair' as a mental trap where people compare their real selves to their idealized, digital selves, leading to feelings of inadequacy and imposter syndrome.

What is the speaker's experience with imposter syndrome?

The speaker experienced severe imposter syndrome in her mid to late 20s, feeling like the real version of herself would disappoint her subscribers and others she met in person.

How does the speaker feel about external validation from social media comments?

The speaker views both positive and negative comments as toxic. Positive comments inflate self-importance, while negative ones linger and harm mental health.

What are the speaker's thoughts on constantly feeling like she needs to create content?

The speaker mentions that she sometimes feels anxious about whether she should be recording significant or even traumatic moments, which blurs the line between work and personal life.

What is the speaker's perspective on finding a niche for content creation?

The speaker advises caution in becoming too tied to a niche, as it can limit expression and make it harder to explore other interests when trends fade.

What are some tips the speaker offers for reducing time spent on social media?

The speaker suggests using apps like 'One Sec' to create a delay before opening social apps, turning off notifications, charging the phone far away, and checking social media on a computer rather than a phone.

Outlines

00:00

🎨 The Challenges of Being a Social Media Content Creator

The speaker shares a personal journey of becoming a digital content creator, which began unintentionally but evolved into a 13-year career. While the allure of social media fame is enticing, the speaker warns about its psychological effects, particularly the distortion of self-image. The ability to curate an ideal version of oneself online, different from real life, can lead to intrusive thoughts and self-criticism. The speaker explains how editing content allows for control over one’s image, which can bleed into real life, creating unrealistic expectations and feeding into a cycle of comparison and despair.

05:00

💖 The Journey of Self-Love and Its Challenges

The speaker opens up about their ongoing journey of self-love, acknowledging that it is not linear and requires constant effort. Despite moments of doubt and feeling like they aren’t progressing, the speaker emphasizes the importance of self-acceptance. They reference RuPaul’s famous quote about self-love and discuss the dangers of seeking validation through social media. Relying on external validation from comments, whether positive or negative, can be harmful, inflating self-importance or leading to self-doubt. The speaker reflects on how online comments, both good and bad, can distort one’s sense of reality.

10:00

📸 The Pressure to Capture Everything for Social Media

The speaker discusses how the lines between life and content creation can blur, leading to moments where they feel compelled to document milestones or even traumatic events for social media. This constant pressure to create content can affect mental health, leading to anxiety and making life feel like it’s being observed through a storyteller's lens. The speaker shares strategies they’ve used to compartmentalize work and life, such as designating specific vlogging days and setting boundaries. They also reflect on humanity’s historical desire to capture moments, connecting it to modern-day photography.

🎯 The Trap of Finding and Sticking to a Niche

The speaker reflects on the pressure to stick to a niche for the sake of building an audience, such as how their niche in fashion led to creating impractical content that didn’t align with their real interests. They encourage creators to explore their multifaceted selves and not be afraid to embrace curiosity. The speaker warns about the dangers of becoming too focused on a specific niche, as trends fade, and what remains is the real self. They advocate for taking time to develop depth in content and resisting the temptation to produce fast, shallow material.

📵 Practical Tips for Reducing Time on Social Media

The speaker provides actionable tips for reducing time spent on social media and using it more mindfully. They recommend apps like 'One Sec' to create a pause before opening social apps, turning off notifications to avoid constant distractions, charging phones away from the bed, and checking social media on laptops instead of phones. These practices help to regain focus and prevent the habit of mindlessly scrolling. The speaker concludes by stressing the importance of guarding attention, as what we focus on shapes who we become.

Keywords

💡Authenticity

Authenticity refers to the quality of being genuine or true to oneself. In the video, the content creator discusses the struggle of maintaining authenticity while creating content, as social media often demands a curated version of oneself. The challenge is exacerbated by the constant pressure to present an idealized version, distorting one's sense of self.

💡Self-esteem

Self-esteem refers to one's confidence and sense of self-worth. The speaker highlights that external success does not necessarily equate to high self-esteem. Despite achieving a high level of success as a digital content creator, they still struggled with low self-esteem, realizing that self-love needs to come from within, not from external validation.

💡Comparison

Comparison refers to evaluating oneself against others. In the video, the speaker talks about how social media fosters a culture of comparison, where individuals subconsciously measure themselves against others or even their idealized digital versions. This 'compare and despair' mentality can lead to feelings of inadequacy and imposter syndrome.

💡Imposter syndrome

Imposter syndrome is a psychological pattern where an individual doubts their accomplishments and has a persistent fear of being exposed as a fraud. The speaker reflects on their experience of imposter syndrome, feeling that they were not living up to the perfect version of themselves they presented online, which created anxiety in real-life interactions.

💡Curated self

The curated self refers to the version of oneself that is intentionally crafted and presented online. The speaker explains how social media allows creators to edit out imperfections, presenting a controlled and 'perfect' image that does not reflect the full complexity of their real-life selves, which can lead to internal conflicts.

💡Validation

Validation is the affirmation or acceptance of one's actions, feelings, or identity by others. The speaker talks about the dangerous cycle of relying on social media comments for validation, where positive comments inflate self-importance, and negative ones cause emotional distress. This external validation can distort one’s sense of self-worth.

💡Social media addiction

Social media addiction refers to the compulsive need to use social media platforms. The speaker touches on the addictive nature of constantly posting, checking comments, and seeking approval from others. This need to be 'always on' blurs the line between personal life and online life, leading to stress and a distorted reality.

💡Niche

A niche refers to a specialized area of content creation or expertise that helps creators build an audience. The speaker reflects on how focusing too much on their fashion niche limited their ability to express other interests, leading to a feeling of being trapped in a narrow identity, even as their content evolved.

💡Digital vs. real self

The contrast between the digital self and the real self is a major theme in the video. The speaker discusses how they struggled to reconcile the confident, polished version of themselves portrayed online with their real-life self, which included anxiety and imperfections. This gap between the two personas can lead to feelings of dissonance.

💡Self-love

Self-love refers to having a healthy regard for one's own well-being and happiness. The speaker emphasizes that the journey to self-love is ongoing and not linear, sharing how they had to learn to love all parts of themselves, including the ones they previously hid from their audience. This concept is tied to overcoming imposter syndrome and rejecting the need for external validation.

Highlights

Started creating content 13 years ago and it has been the most rewarding career.

Discusses the mental impact of being a social media personality and how it distorts self-perception.

Content creation allows for building a 'perfect' version of oneself, but it can also lead to unrealistic self-expectations.

Mentions editing out personal flaws such as anxiety and meltdowns to create a more controlled image online.

Compares the real self to the online self, leading to 'compare and despair' when life doesn't match up to the online version.

Highlights the dangers of filters and how people are seeking plastic surgery to look like their filtered versions.

Developed imposter syndrome due to the disconnect between the online persona and real life, especially when meeting subscribers.

Explains how external validation from comments, both positive and negative, can be toxic to mental health.

Mentions the overwhelming pressure to constantly produce content and how it creates anxiety over living life versus capturing it for social media.

Shares the importance of setting boundaries, like scheduling vlogging days to separate life and work.

Reflects on the idea of everything becoming content and the historical human tendency to capture beautiful moments.

Talks about the pressure of sticking to a niche, like fashion, and how it can limit self-expression over time.

Encourages exploring all facets of one’s identity and creativity instead of being confined to trends and viral content.

Shares rapid-fire tips on reducing time online, like using the One Sec app to create mindful pauses before opening social media.

Emphasizes the importance of attention and being mindful of where you focus, as it shapes who you become.

Transcripts

- When I was eight, I dreamed of becoming a cartoonist.

At 16, I wanted to intern at Teen Vogue just like LC.

But at 20, I unknowingly began my longest

and most rewarding career journey.

For the past 13 years, I have been a digital content creator

right here on this channel

and it's been the best job I've ever had

because it's changed my life

in ways I couldn't even imagined.

And these days there are so many kids

that wanna be social media stars when they grow up

and it's really easy to see why.

But I wanna talk about the other side of the coin.

How does this career affect our minds?

What's authenticity when we're always on?

Well, I have a lot to share on this,

particularly in the ways that it can distort

our sense of selves especially if we're not careful.

So let's get started.

One of the most addicting parts of creating content

is having that chance to build a perfect version of you.

Now in real life, I tend to stutter,

I overthink and I get overwhelmed very easily.

But when I'm editing, a piece of content

suddenly becomes a highly controlled environment.

Like when I first started my channel,

I was going to college and working at a smoothie shop

but what I portrayed online

was this happy go-lucky girl who went to shows

and thrifted all the time.

But I removed all the parts that I didn't like about myself,

my anxiety, my neurosis, my meltdowns.

And after so many years of editing myself,

it started to bleed into my real life.

Like to this day, I still have intrusive thoughts like,

ah, I wish I could refilm that or ugh, get to the point.

It's like giving that critical voice

a microphone in my head.

Pretty much every social media personality

creates a more refined version of themselves online

to showcase their brand.

It's a carefully crafted mirage of what they see

as "perfect" at the time of upload.

It's not all of them.

If anything, it's mostly how they wanna be portrayed as.

And the most obvious tropes are like beauty,

fashion, lifestyle.

But now there are like sneakier ones

because even like being relatable is a trademark

or being unfiltered and honest can be your signature thing.

But ultimately it's still just a small fraction

of who you actually are because it is impossible

to upload the full complexities of a human being

into one post, one video, so we don't.

And what's wild is that as humans we are constantly changing

and evolving and growing but the internet is permanent.

So sometimes it trips me out knowing that

there's like a 2017 version of me online

with like her brows and her products,

even though she's not biologically here anymore.

Next up, comparison.

Each time you flick on open that social media app,

you step into the game of what I like to call

compare and despair.

I think subconsciously we're sizing ourselves up

to what we see.

And it could be something small like,

"Oh, that person ran a marathon.

"Ah, I should probably work out too."

But the most pernicious way it distorts our sense of self

is when you start comparing your real life you

to the dazzling digital you.

And these days there are so many different filters

that tweak the way you look to make you look more beautiful,

or so we think.

Like fun fact, did you know that the most common requests

that plastic surgeons receive are people requesting

to look like that filtered version of themselves?

And the more active I was on social media,

the more I started to compare my highlight reel

to my actual reality.

And when you feel like you're not living up

to that online version of yourself,

of what you portray online,

that is when things get really dark.

In my mid to late 20s,

I developed a pretty severe case of imposter syndrome.

I would have a lot of anxiety when I would meet people,

especially subscribers because I felt like

the real me would be a disappointment.

Like nothing could ever live up

to that fantasy portrayal of me.

And the further I felt away from that, the worse I felt.

Like there's a reason why even at the "peak" of my career,

I was like a mess.

Online, I was this confident fashion founder

but in real life, I was just a nervous wreck

trying to make everyone happy from my team, my customers.

If anything, I felt this overwhelming pressure to be perfect

or else everything would be over for me.

And it's because I didn't have self-esteem.

I mean, people think that once you become successful,

it acts as a magic wand that blesses you

with self-confidence and self-love but that's not it at all.

If anything, it just amplifies your current state.

So if you are a self-loathing ball of nerves,

then you'll still be that same mess... but in a fancier house.

Like there was no amount of i love yous

that could fill this dark hole in my heart.

Like I really thought that I could cheat myself out of it

by collecting external validation from others.

But that didn't work.

Like I really had to freaking roll up my sleeves

and really start loving all parts of me,

not just parts that I put up online.

And the thing is with self-love is it's a journey,

it's a commitment.

And I'm still on it.

Like there are so many days where I feel like,

ugh, like I'm not healed.

I'm not making any progress.

But I have to remember that self-love

is not a linear journey.

And I think now I'm at a point where I truly do feel happy

with myself and I feel like I deserve the good things

in my life.

So in the iconic words of RuPaul-

- If you can't love yourself,

how in the hell you gotta love somebody else?

- Let's take a moment to talk about

the validation you receive from commenters.

I think after 13 years of reading comments

about myself online has created this huge database

in my head to predict what a commenter might say.

On a good day, my devoted audience will say,

"Ah, yes, Queen, you're doing such a great job."

But on my bad days, they shame me.

And I think both are toxic

because it inflates your self importance.

It makes you think that the world is revolving around you.

And our ego loves social media

because social media can make us feel like

we're on the top of the world.

It gives you the sense that everyone is waiting for you

or waiting for you to post or they're waiting for you

to say something wrong and cancel you.

It's really addicting to create a post

and then see what people are saying about it

or even see who watched it or who hasn't.

Regardless, it's just too much data.

It's too many opinions about us.

And our brains can't compute the sheer volume

of information that's coming online

and it's information that we don't even need.

It's not essential.

We're not meant to read the comments all the time.

Like there's a reason why when celebrities

read about themselves in the tabloids too often,

they self-destruct, like our brains can't compute it.

It's interesting that we tend to just blast through

the positive comments.

It's just like, oh, business as usual.

If anything, we just hone in on the negative ones

and those are the ones that just stay with us for days

or even months.

And it can really harm your mental health.

And this is a huge contrast from what reality is

because in real life,

maybe one person says something nice about you

but it's honestly rare, if anything like unheard of,

for someone to say something rude to you in your face.

This leads us to our next mental trap

which is believing everything is content.

Now, I hate to admit this but I have done things

just for the gram before like any milestone

or even traumatic moment, there was a thought in my head

where I was like, "Should I be recording this?"

This is where the lines between working and living your life

really start to blur.

And that constant feeling of being on

can definitely wear on you.

Like before, when I didn't have boundaries of when I film,

I would just have this anxiety like this humming anxiety

in the back of my head because I was just observing my life

through an external lens trying to find

like something worthy to share.

Like instead of living my life, I was trying to find ways

to make this video more interesting.

And don't get me wrong, I love my job.

I mean, I feel extremely lucky to be able to do it

but there is a reason why I don't blog as often

and it's because it takes a lot of effort

to make a vlog good because I'm thinking through it

through like a storyteller lens.

And what's really helped me with this

is to designate specific days on where I choose to vlog

and it's on the calendar so that Ben can see,

this is just helped me compartmentalize my life and my work

because when I know that, oh, it's a vlogging day,

I can flick into that vlog mode

and then turn off once the day is over.

I think I'll always love observing the beauty in life

and sharing it.

But it took me a few years to quiet that urge,

like that pain of pressure to capture everything

that feels beautiful.

But I don't know, maybe it's just inherently in humans

to want to capture things.

Like historically, we've always done that.

Like back in the day, if you saw a beautiful sunset,

you would have to paint it, and that would take days

and then once the camera rolled around,

you would take a picture but that was extremely expensive.

And now the camera phone has democratized photography.

I think ultimately, there's nothing wrong with this urge

but I think it's kinda bringing it back to mindfulness

like remembering why you're taking this photo

or why you're recording this moment.

So one of the most common tips for growing your audience

is to find your niche.

Keep trying everything until something goes viral

and then do that over and over and over again so they say.

For a long time, my niche was fashion.

And so I ended up creating hundreds of mostly

impractical outfits that I would never wear

because in a day, most of the times

you just wore one outfit.

It started to feel really repetitive

and a little bit harder for me to wanna express things

that I actually wanted to share like the books I'm reading

or self-development things

because I felt this niche looming over me.

You become what you spend your time on

so be careful what you choose to master.

So if you spent all your waking life pouring your energy

into being the best DIY or a fitness crew

or mixing different variations of slime,

then what's left when that trend fades?

What's left when people stop caring?

The thing is, we are multifaceted.

There's so many complexities and nuances within us

so let's please explore that.

Tap into your curiosity and make it your superpower,

capture any thoughts, ideas, feelings, moments

and ask yourself, what moved me?

How can this help someone?

And don't be afraid to take your time,

you know really simmer on it

because depth takes time and patience.

And honestly, in this digital world

that's rapidly becoming this dumpster

filled with ill-prepared processed microwave content,

be that warm, nourishing, homemade meal

straight from the oven that's perfectly seasoned

and marinated because that's what humans crave.

That's what we fucking need.

Now I wanna share some rapid fire tips

on how you can reduce your time online and use social media

as a tool to connect rather than compare.

There's a reason why so many of us are just on autopilot

when we're reacting to our phone.

So having a delay or a barrier to make you rethink

whether you actually wanna go on social media

can be very helpful.

So I downloaded this app called One Sec

which forces me to take a deep breath

before opening any of my social apps.

And then it gives me a chance of whether I want to continue

on the app or exit.

And most of the times I end up not going on it

because I had a moment to think about it.

And shout out to Ali Abdaal for this tip.

My next tip is to turn off the notifications for your apps.

It's like seeing that red button of numbers,

it wants you to go back into the app

like you wanna see who messaged you.

Turning off the notifications makes it really easy for you

to not get pulled back into the app.

So instead, I just choose a designated time

to respond back to everyone all at once.

My third tip is to charge your phone

as far away from you as possible

because if it's near me, I will 100% check it.

And my final tip is to check your socials

on your laptop or your computer.

This establishes intentional time rather than on your phone

which can be like just an extension of you.

And plus, I prefer engaging with you guys on my laptop

rather than typing on my screen

because the keyboard is far superior.

When we're on these apps,

it can feel like everything is happening all at once

and it can really fracture our attention.

And the thing is, your attention is one of the most precious

things that you have because you become what you focus on.

So be mindful of that.

Anyway, I hope you guys found this video helpful.

I would love to hear what you guys think

in the comments down below.

I will be talking with you guys through my laptop

and until then, I will see you guys in my next one, bye.