I'm Sober ... This is my Story 🦋

Summary

In this raw and revealing video, the creator discusses her journey with addiction, alcoholism, and rehab. She shares her path to sobriety, the challenges she faced, and how she found solace and a new purpose in the YouTube beauty community. The video serves as a testament to the power of overcoming personal struggles and the transformative impact of community support.

Takeaways

• 🚫 The speaker has a history of addiction and has been through rehab, which they have kept private until now.
• 🌟 They emphasize that their choice to remain sober is non-negotiable and a matter of life or death due to past struggles with addiction.
• 💔 The speaker felt shame over their addiction and initially kept their sobriety and rehab experiences hidden, fearing judgment and misunderstanding.
• 🎥 The decision to share their story was prompted by a recent podcast with Michelle Fawn, which opened up a platform for deeper discussion.
• 🍹 The speaker's addiction involved alcohol, and they experienced multiple relapses before committing to sobriety.
• 💡 They found a new passion in makeup and beauty, which helped them pivot away from addiction and towards a successful career on YouTube.
• 💔 The speaker faced significant personal challenges, including job loss, financial struggles, and broken relationships, which contributed to their addiction.
• 🏥 Their rock bottom was marked by a near-fatal overdose, which led to their decision to enter rehab.
• 💑 The speaker met their now-spouse, who has been a pillar of support in their sobriety journey, and who also has a significant history of sobriety.
• 🙏 They express gratitude for the support from their audience, who have been a part of their life and recovery, even during times of relapse and struggle.

Q & A

What is the main topic discussed in the video?

The main topic discussed in the video is the creator's personal journey with addiction, alcoholism, rehab, and sobriety.

Why did the creator decide to share her story now?

The creator decided to share her story now because she felt it might help someone, especially after her recent podcast with Michelle Fawn which raised many questions from her audience.

What was the creator's initial hesitation to share her story?

The creator was initially hesitant to share her story due to the discouragement from lawyers, therapists, and well-meaning people in her life who thought it might not be the right time or that people might not be ready for her story.

How has the creator's choice to be sober impacted her life?

The creator's choice to be sober has been a life or death decision, and it has been the biggest battle in her life. She believes sharing her story could inspire others struggling with addiction.

What role did the beauty community play in the creator's recovery?

The beauty community, particularly YouTube beauty influencers like Michelle Fawn, played a significant role in the creator's recovery by providing a positive distraction and a new passion during her time in rehab.

Why did the creator feel shame about her sobriety in the past?

The creator felt shame about her sobriety because of the stigma and misconceptions surrounding addiction and recovery, and the fear of being judged or treated differently in her personal and professional life.

How did the creator pivot her focus from addiction to a healthy passion?

The creator pivoted her focus from addiction to a healthy passion by immersing herself in the beauty community and building a career out of her love for makeup.

What was the creator's experience like in rehab?

The creator's experience in rehab was transformative. It was a place where she found help for her addiction, discovered the beauty community, and started to heal emotionally.

How has the creator maintained her sobriety over the years?

The creator has maintained her sobriety by focusing on her career, surrounding herself with supportive people, and avoiding situations that could trigger a relapse.

What advice does the creator have for others struggling with addiction?

The creator advises others struggling with addiction to find a healthy outlet for their passion, use their addictive personality as a superpower to excel in something positive, and seek help without shame.

Outlines

00:00

🔥 Sobriety and Overcoming Addiction

The speaker begins by addressing the sensitive topic of addiction, specifically alcoholism, and acknowledges the courage it takes to discuss it openly. They reference a recent podcast with Michelle Fawn, which seems to have prompted many questions from the audience. The speaker shares their personal journey of sobriety, addiction, and rehab, expressing a desire to be more open about their experiences. They mention the challenges of being transparent about their struggles, given the advice from well-intentioned professionals and loved ones. The speaker emphasizes the life-or-death nature of their decision to abstain from alcohol and drugs, highlighting the importance of sharing their story to potentially help others. They also express a wish to do a Q&A session to address specific questions from their audience.

05:01

🍷 The Impact of Alcohol and a Pivot to Sobriety

In this paragraph, the speaker delves into the omnipresence of alcohol in society and its impact on their life, especially considering their addictive personality. They discuss the societal pressures and expectations to drink in various situations and the physical toll it takes. The speaker shares their commitment to sobriety, explaining that they do not drink, smoke, or use drugs, and how this decision is non-negotiable for them. They also touch upon the shame associated with addiction and the importance of finding healthy outlets for pleasure and escapism. The speaker uses their love for makeup as an example of a positive pivot, discussing how they channeled their focus into building a career in the beauty industry, which they view as a superpower for someone with an addictive personality.

10:02

🏥 The Descent into Addiction and the Path to Rehab

The speaker recounts their descent into addiction, which began with social drinking but escalated rapidly, leading to a loss of control and hiding their alcohol consumption. They describe the rock bottom they hit, which included job loss, financial instability, and the end of a relationship, culminating in a deep depression that made them feel they had no options left. The speaker candidly shares their experience of overdosing and the subsequent decision to enter rehab, marking a pivotal moment in their life. They also express gratitude for the beauty community on YouTube, which became a source of inspiration and healing during their rehab, setting them on the path to creating their own channel.

15:02

💬 The Stigma of Addiction and the Journey to Acceptance

Here, the speaker addresses the stigma and shame associated with addiction, sharing their personal experiences with the judgment and misunderstanding they faced. They discuss the fear and hesitancy to openly share their story due to the potential negative reactions from others. The speaker also talks about the importance of finding support and the role their partner, James, played in their sobriety journey. They express gratitude for the blessings that came with sobriety, including meeting James and building a successful career. The speaker acknowledges the challenges of maintaining sobriety through difficult times, such as litigation and personal loss, but emphasizes their commitment to staying sober and the positive impact it has had on their life.

20:06

💖 Love, Support, and Gratitude in Sobriety

In the final paragraph, the speaker reflects on the importance of love and support in their journey to sobriety, specifically mentioning their partner James and his own 28 years of sobriety. They discuss the challenges of finding a supportive partner and the significance of having someone who understands the struggles of addiction. The speaker also expresses gratitude to their audience for their support over the years, acknowledging the role they played in their recovery and success. They conclude by encouraging those who might be struggling with addiction to hold on and push through, assuring them that better days are ahead. The speaker invites questions from their audience, signaling a willingness to engage in further dialogue about their experiences.

Keywords

💡Addiction

Addiction is a chronic brain disease characterized by compulsive engagement in rewarding stimuli, despite adverse consequences. In the video, the speaker discusses their personal struggle with alcoholism, which is a form of addiction. The narrative illustrates the impact of addiction on the individual's life, including the loss of relationships and employment, and the subsequent decision to seek help through rehab.

💡Sobriety

Sobriety refers to the state of not being under the influence of alcohol or drugs and maintaining a drug-free lifestyle. The speaker emphasizes their commitment to sobriety as a life-saving choice, highlighting the importance of this decision in their journey to overcome addiction. The video underscores the significance of sobriety as a foundational step towards recovery and personal growth.

💡Rehab

Rehab, short for rehabilitation, is a treatment program aimed at helping individuals with addictions to overcome their dependence on substances. The script describes the speaker's experience in rehab as a turning point in their life, where they began to address the root causes of their addiction and started the process of healing. Rehab is portrayed as a critical component in the recovery journey, providing the necessary support and tools to maintain sobriety.

💡Overdose

An overdose occurs when a person consumes a harmful or lethal amount of a substance, typically a drug or alcohol. In the video, the speaker reveals a past overdose as part of their addiction history, which led to a life-threatening situation and ultimately to the decision to enter rehab. This disclosure serves to illustrate the severity of their addiction and the life-altering consequences that can result from substance abuse.

💡Shame

Shame is a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrongs or foolish acts. The speaker discusses experiencing shame due to their addiction and the societal stigma attached to it. This internalized shame influenced their decision to keep their struggles private for a long time. The video uses the concept of shame to highlight the emotional burden that individuals with addiction often carry and the importance of overcoming this barrier to seek help.

💡Relapse

Relapse refers to a return to substance use after a period of abstinence. The script mentions the speaker's relapse into alcohol use after periods of sobriety, which underscores the cyclical nature of addiction and the challenges in maintaining sobriety. The discussion of relapse in the video serves to normalize the setbacks that can occur during recovery and emphasizes the need for ongoing support and commitment to staying sober.

💡Support System

A support system consists of friends, family, or professionals who provide emotional and practical assistance to an individual. The video highlights the importance of having a supportive partner, like James, who has also experienced sobriety, in maintaining a substance-free lifestyle. It illustrates how a strong support system can be instrumental in an individual's recovery process and ongoing commitment to sobriety.

💡Pivot

To pivot means to change direction or approach, especially in response to changing circumstances. The speaker advises using the determination and focus that often come with addictive personalities to 'pivot' towards healthy habits and interests, such as a passion for makeup, which can replace the need for substance use. This concept is used to encourage viewers to redirect their energies towards positive and fulfilling activities.

💡Stigma

Stigma refers to a mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person. In the context of the video, stigma is associated with addiction and the reluctance to openly discuss it. The speaker shares experiences of feeling judged and the pressure to hide their addiction, reflecting the societal stigma that can discourage individuals from seeking help or being open about their recovery.

💡Self-acceptance

Self-acceptance is the process of embracing oneself with compassion, acknowledging both strengths and flaws. The video concludes with the speaker expressing self-acceptance, being open about their past, and the journey to sobriety. This concept is integral to the narrative as it represents the speaker's growth and the realization that overcoming shame and accepting one's past is crucial for personal healing and empowerment.

💡Gratitude

Gratitude is the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness. The speaker mentions that during their early recovery, they were encouraged to find gratitude, which was challenging at first but eventually became a source of strength. Gratitude is portrayed as a powerful tool in recovery, helping to shift focus from past struggles to positive aspects of life and the support received.

Highlights

The video discusses addiction, alcoholism, and rehab experiences.

The creator opens up about their sobriety and history with addiction for the first time.

A recent podcast with Michelle Fawn prompted many questions, leading to this video.

The decision to not drink or use drugs is a life-or-death choice for the creator.

The creator shares their journey through rehab and the beginning of their YouTube career.

There was initial reluctance to share personal struggles due to potential negative reactions.

The creator discusses the shame and stigma associated with addiction and sobriety.

A Q&A session is planned to address specific questions from the audience.

The creator had been to rehab and experienced an overdose, which was previously undisclosed.

The video aims to show that recovery from addiction is possible and to inspire others.

The creator talks about the pressure and expectations to drink in social situations.

Making a career out of a passion, like makeup, can be a positive pivot from addiction.

The creator's experience in rehab included discovering the YouTube beauty community.

The decision to start a YouTube channel was influenced by the beauty community during rehab.

The creator emphasizes the importance of persistence and hard work in building a successful channel.

The video shares personal insights into the creator's relationship with their partner, who has also experienced sobriety.

The creator reflects on the fear and shame associated with discussing addiction in the past.

The video concludes with a message of hope and gratitude to the audience for their support.

Transcripts

hey guys today I have a really intense

video trigger warning we're going to

talk about addiction alcoholism rehab

all of it I'm just going to go ahead and

Jump On In if you recently watched the

Michelle Fawn podcast she has a new

podcast Afterglow then you probably have

a lot of questions for me and I am here

to open up for the first time a little

more in depth about my sobriety my

history with addiction my journey

through rehab and then to YouTube and

all of the goods so let's settle and I

have a lot that I am excited to get off

my chest because I have wanted to make

this video or something like it for many

many years the landscape has not always

been in my opinion very welcoming for

someone to be like hey I struggle with

alcohol or I have an addictive

personality and like here's this here's

that let me share it's actually been

really encouraged for me to not share by

lawyers therapists people in my life

that mean really well and they have good

intentions they're like hey maybe you

should keep this private because I don't

think people are ready for your story

just yet but in the back of my mind I

always felt that there would come a day

where I could share my story and that it

might help someone and so here we are I

am doing this there is no putting this

information back in hiding and since the

podcast with Michelle has gone up I

figure I may as well just talk about it

and hope for the best I want to start by

saying that my choice to not drink or

use drugs or smoke weed is a

non-negotiable for me personally it's

life or death it almost took my life

several times uh this has been the

biggest battle and anyone that suffers

with addiction is going through it just

know you are incredible you have the

strength to overcome it I hope that I

can be a living breathing walking

example that it can be done and that's

why I'm motivated to share more of the

nitty-gritty and kind of the dirty side

of my story because it's not glamorous

it's not cute and I have felt a ton of

Shame over this issue I do want to do a

Q&A moving forward I feel like you guys

will have specific questions for me I am

filming this right before Michelle's

podcast goes up so I have no idea how

this is about to be received I'm a

little nervous to be honest but I

thought I would film this video and just

take a little bit more time H she's

breathing heavy oh my gosh and share

with you my story no one knows that I

have been to rehab no one knows that

prior to rehab I overdosed no one knows

that part of my journey or my story I've

kept that completely hidden and you're

probably asking why like why did you

keep that hidden don't be ashamed of

yourself because a lot of people want to

tell you how to feel online that seems

to be a trend and a lot of times it can

come from a really good place and it's

well- intended but back when I first

started YouTube I was still really

embarrassed about the fact that I didn't

drink I was sober for about a year and

then messed up was sober again for 5

years messed up again didn't see that

one coming and this was during a time

when I was still making five videos a

week it was a very short drop off the

wagon if you will like it was a very

short relapse it was like a oh touch

that hot stove oh nope I do have a

problem in my mind I made the issue of

me not drinking not a drinking issue I

kind of got to this point where I was

like I have money now and I'm successful

and look everyone has fun doing this and

maybe I'm more mature and grown up and I

can handle this and this is what normal

people do and I was really depressed

before so like maybe I've overcome this

and I fell off the wagon like that like

it just came back with a vengeance and

it was like ooh life or death like let's

choose let's let's make a quick Choice

here it was a very short period of time

thank God and I was back on the sober

path pretty quickly and I have been for

the eight years 8 and 1/2 years since I

am so sick of pretending to be something

that I'm not and I'm ready to just say

hey I'm not perfect far from it I have

big struggles and I have found a way to

overcome a lot of them and does it mean

that every day is like the best ever and

that I never have days where I'm down

and I struggle still no but I've made a

choice to not use substance because I

know it can take me out real quick if

you struggle with alcohol it's

everywhere the grocery store you're on a

plane driving down the street Billboards

and the sides of buses and it's just

like if you're upset drink if you're

celebrating drink just like wild how

much Focus we put on drinking it's not

healthy for you whether you have an

addictive personality or not you're

going to feel like crap the next day can

really rob you of your energy age you it

does all these crazy things that not a

lot of people really want to talk about

but um it just it's continued to be a

thing that I've had to kind of like

Dodge the bullets along the way and kind

of surrender to the fact that this is

truly not for me so I do not drink I do

not smoke I do not smoke weed I am

absolutely through and through sober as

they come I might be addicted to makeup

though as I'm looking behind me this

looks like a lot of chaos and I get it

you know my advice honestly like in the

the middle before going into a little

more of my story sometimes when you give

up something that provides you with so

much pleasure and escapism makes you

feel good the best thing you can do is

Pivot and find something else to be

fascinated with that makes you feel good

just make sure it's in a way that's

healthy that's not damaging That

Couldn't potentially kill you or other

people I think that's kind of where the

real intensity with loving makeup

started to back that up a little more

I've always loved makeup I have worked

jobs doing makeup I wanted to be a

celebrity makeup artist so I've always

been in the beauty game but really

taking focus and like building this

career I feel like that's part of my own

superpowers being able to go all in on

something that I drive Joy from and

never know how to get enough so like my

joke with people in my life I'm like I

don't know how to quit like I don't know

quate something that's good for me I

will go all in and if you struggle with

addiction that right there is your gold

that is your superpower you will not be

distracted the same way much of society

is you will have it in you to go that

extra mile to learn more be more

detailed to really just push through you

know how once you've mastered the art of

stopping some type of substance drinking

what have you you you've mastered the

art of delaying pleasure and that is a

huge huge Foundation to building any

business you know long-term success the

ability to say I'm not going to go to

that fun event and Get Buck Wild right

now because I've got to work and I've

got to pour into what I'm creating and

so for me that's how I was able to go

five days a week on my channel for five

years is because I was all in I used

that part of my brain to my advantage

instead of allowing it to completely

obliterate me you guys are like tell us

about rehab I can just I people always

want to know they're like rehab part

what was that like how did that go down

what was that all about I partied pretty

hard in my 20s nothing out of control

but when I hit my rock bottom it

happened fast like it all of a sudden

one day became this thing where I was

drinking right when I got up in the

morning I noticed that I started hiding

my drinking like I was putting vodka in

plastic bottles taking it to the movies

like oh I'm saving money but the reality

is I wanted a certain amount so that's

what I would do and I had all these

different things that were changing in

kind of a short 3mon period before I

ended up going to rehab my life had

completely Fallen apart so let me start

there I was kind of a social partying

Drinker had fun whatever a few Wild

Nights here or there and then everything

completely complely collapsed out under

me I lost my job didn't have anything in

my bank account I think I was like $35

and I was like I'm going to lose

everything um I had to move back home

with my mom my fiance had dumped me I

felt like I had no options for a career

I didn't have anything going and I was

on top of it deeply depressed so

depressed I could not function in my

day-to-day without alcohol to numb that

void to numb that pain I just

did not like being alive if I'm being

honest I hated my life I would wake up

and I'd be like I hate being here had

some childhood trauma to sort out on top

of it most of us do uh and it just kind

of all came to this like point where my

drinking escalated and I just didn't

care like I just kind of didn't care

anymore I was like this is what I do to

feel good and I just kind of don't care

like therapy didn't work

anti-depressants didn't work like

nothing worked going to church didn't

work um which literally I've so many

stories I could tell you guys that are

so crazy like I woke up one morning I

got fullblown loaded and walked to

church and went to worship and listened

to a sermon so drunk begging God to

relieve me of this that the pain of this

life had just gotten to be like way too

much like it just felt like I was in

chronic pain emotionally and even

physically all of the time randomly one

day just if if the zero given could have

been escalated somehow they were and I

drank with more

force and ended up in the hospital

convinced everybody that I'm fine I just

it was a wild night it was fine no I

didn't mean to do that absolutely not

went home and the next day I was like

well clearly I'm going to need to do

more um and and this is like this is

like the shame

that this is the part of the story o I

want to share the dirtier parts of my

story because I know there's someone

watching who needs to hear this that

needs to hear that there is a at the end

of the tunnel that you can change and

you can go through just the yuckiest

most shameful things and still change so

I that second night went even harder I

should have died there is no reason that

I should be here on Earth with how much

alcohol I consumed my mom found me

ambulance was called I had pissed myself

vomited on myself like it like they

thought I was dead and went to the

hospital they don't know how there was

no damage done to my body I survived and

ultimately checked myself into rehab and

here is the beautiful part of my story

at rehab when I was getting the help

that I so desperately needed I was

getting out of that horrifying pain and

the inability to set down something that

was killing me I found the YouTube

beauty community and in the evenings

when we were allowed to use a computer I

had like a small little teeny tiny

computer that was smaller than an iPad I

still have it I don't know how to crack

into it and if I could it would be

interesting because I would journal on

there all that I was going through and

my hopes and dreams and wishes and I

would watch the Beauty Community

Michelle Fawn specifically and that's

why that interview was so absolutely

important for me to say yes to and I

flew to LA and I was so excited um so

I'd watch her videos and I would make

notes of different products I wanted to

try and I would wake up in the morning

at rehab and I would do my makeup and I

was healing for the first time in a

really really long time I was healing my

goal was to get out of rehab stay sober

buy a camera and start my own channel

and long story short I eventually did

and I got really good at it it didn't

happen right away but with persistence

things started improving proving and

again there's that that magic within

someone with an addictive personality

just pivot it get out of that pain you

can it's going to be painful but you can

do it and that's my story I've always

wanted to share and it's been tempting

to especially when I've been on panels

and someone will ask why did you start

your YouTube channel there's always this

like micro expression of mine where I go

back and I'm like in that rehab facility

and I'm just hanging on for dear life I

so often wanted to share but I wasn't

ready it didn't feel right even at the

Kiwi launch party you hear me speaking

about Michelle and I'm like I think I

say something like you helped me so much

like and I almost start crying and like

I didn't tell her then okay we we're in

getting to and I also have like my

number one hero here who I

watched before I started any of this

that help me in a really dark time of my

life and I love you so much Michelle so

when she invited me on her podcast and I

sat down she didn't know that I was

going to drop this information it was

just like hey let's talk about like the

journey with all the online drama and

litigation and and she asked me like

tell me about why you started your

YouTube channel and I was like oh man

here we go if this moment is going to

happen it's going to happen right here

with the woman that unknowingly helped

me in the early stages of my recovery

right after I had tasted death what a

cool moment moment and I'm so grateful

to her and so sorry Michelle that I just

dropped that on you without telling you

at Advance because usually if there's

some kind of heavy topic like that and

you're going on a podcast you give the

host a little more of a heads up and I

didn't I just I was undecided if I was

going to do it or not and when I was

there in the moment I was like I have to

this is a lot to digest even for me I

don't talk about my story in detail This

Much Anymore on the regular something

that happened in my past it greatly

shaped me into who I am today I'm really

proud of my recovery and like I said in

the podcast with Michelle something that

I'm most proud of is that during all of

the craziness of almost divorcing James

and being offline and all the litigation

and losing tati Beauty and you know and

even now recently having to uh part ways

with the um I've stayed sober and I'm

really really grateful so why did I

never share why did I never share this

online I was afraid because a lot of

people in my life like in my personal

life they would downplay the fact that I

had a drinking issue and it would just

always feel kind of weird like it would

just feel like are you embarrassed of me

like is this am I embarrassing you it

just had that taste people are like no

and like people just don't know how to

act I was like I don't know maybe that's

in my head like I don't people are

treating me weird now that I'm sober and

it's this whole thing and people treat

you like like oh you you're just really

weak and like you have a problem and

like and you couldn't fix it like and

you're just like you're wearing that

scarlet letter and it just feels just

like so coated in shame and I want to

like break that apart um moving forward

because there's something so powerful

about choosing to get sober you are

incredible if you choose that path

there's nothing shameful about it but I

let it get to me in the beginning of

YouTube when I was mingling meeting

people going to events like I would tell

people that I was like on a cleanse or

like I just don't drink for health

reasons I would make up all these

different excuses as to why I didn't

drink and people so quickly would be

like oh yeah okay so anyway I went to an

event with a very powerful at the time

president of an MCN was hosting and we

all like a bunch of girls we all went to

have drinks at the Tropicana and then we

were going to a concert afterward and

everybody's just like chitchatting and

whatever and I will never ever forget

the heat in my body that went from my

toes up to my head I ordered a virgin

mojito the president of this company

looks across the table right at me eye

contact and says that's a virgin mojito

I'm like yeah yeah I'm getting kind of

nervous she's like and this is in front

of a bunch of influencers my you she

goes what are you AA and I about like

melted into the ground I said something

like no uh it runs in my family I just

choose not to drink and I felt so much

shame in that moment that I decided in

this industry it is not safe for me to

out myself it is not accepted it is

dirty this is something that I have to

hide if I want to be successful

and that's really sad you know I've been

privy to conversations where people are

talking about other influencers and that

they have a problem and how they would

talk about those characters and I'm like

dang you get a front row seat to this

kind of talk and you will learn to keep

your personal stuff very very private

there have been friends who were

therapists um I had one girlfriend who

you know has her doctorate and she was

working at an addiction Center and she

had no idea that I had the history that

I had and she was like ad are the worst

they're the worst people to walk the

planet and like it's so pathetic hearing

all of them whine and complain all day

and I just can't take it and like I

would sit there and be like gosh this is

how people really see this issue and I

don't know when it's going to change but

I'm going to just zip it until it does

and I don't know that it's completely

changed I just don't care anymore so if

people think that I am weak or a

liability or unfun or whatever you want

to come up with in your head like I'm

finally okay with it and um another

great thing that I do have going on for

me in my life that has been the biggest

blessing because I do believe with

sobriety come many many blessings I

remember someone told me that in the

beginning they're like sobriety brings

blessings you will see like there will

be good things that will happen in your

life and I didn't believe that at the

time like I remember like my first group

session they're like what are you

grateful for and I literally was like I

don't know I have hands I could not find

gratitude in me I was so broken so

hearing those things in the beginning

they did help and they were very very

true um I met James I had my year and

then relapsed and then moved back in

with my mom and um I think it was a few

months later that I yeah I was pretty

fresh after my relapse which like they

don't recommend um but write your own

story um I met James and he gave me

permission to share this by the way

maybe in the future he will share his

own story because his story is freaking

wild but the man has 28 years sobriety

and he has been my biggest rock as far

as just putting one foot in front of the

other with my own sobriety journey and I

think it would have for me been really

impossible to be with someone that

partied or even drank casually because

for me it was just such a head game and

I had to remove myself from so many of

those scenarios that in like your

private intimate relationship for me it

just wouldn't work and I just felt like

oh gosh I'll never find anyone like I'll

never find anyone like this is going to

suck my whole life will suck and my life

does not suck I am a

selfmade millionaire former ad

High School Dropout I have no education

let's just like put that out there in

the mix as well because I want to tell

you whoever's watching this that feels

like they won't find love Health that

they don't have options that they're

just out like hang on and push through

there is always something better

available and you might have to go

through hell to get there but I really

believe you can get there so that is my

story oh my gosh like I'm going to admit

that I kind of feel like when you meet

someone for the first time and you

really spill and like you way overshare

like I kind of feel like that's how I'll

feel going to bed tonight but also there

are so many of you that have been with

me for so many years and it has meant so

much to me and even during my time of

relapse I would still be in my DMs you

guys helped me many of you when you

didn't even know you were helping me and

I'm so grateful for that and you are my

family in so many ways and just thank

you so much for being a part of my life

helping me to have this incredible

career I think things are going to get

better you guys like it has been such a

show it has been a terrible past four

years I'm so grateful to be out of

litigation that is over and you know I'm

excited to see where things go next and

also excited to hear your questions so

if you have them for me I am an open

book I love you so much thank you for

taking the time to hear my story I hope

you're having a good one whatever you

are doing and I will see you guys in my

next video

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