4 Social Skills SECRETS that Make You Attractive AF
Summary
TLDRThis video offers timeless advice from Dale Carnegie's 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' to enhance social interactions. It emphasizes the importance of showing genuine interest in others, remembering names, smiling, and giving sincere compliments. The speaker shares personal anecdotes and practical tips, such as the 'three for three' rule for names and the power of a smile to improve approachability. The video also touches on the concept of 'detachment' from outcomes to ensure authenticity in social engagements.
Takeaways
- 😀 Be genuinely interested in others rather than trying to be interesting yourself. This creates a more engaging and positive social interaction.
- 🔗 Detachment is key: Don't use social techniques as gimmicks to win people over; instead, be authentic in your interest.
- 📛 The power of a name: Remembering and using someone's name makes them feel valued and can significantly improve your rapport.
- 🤔 The 'three for three' rule: Aim to say a new acquaintance's name three times within the first three minutes of meeting them.
- 😐 Be mindful of your facial expressions; a simple smile can make you appear more approachable and friendly.
- 👍 Compliments and recognition are powerful; they can leave a lasting impression and motivate people to live up to positive expectations.
- 🌟 Start difficult conversations with sincere appreciation to set a positive tone and make the other person more receptive.
- 💡 Praise the qualities you want to see grow in others, as this can encourage positive behavior and reinforce good actions.
- 📈 Dale Carnegie's advice is timeless and can significantly improve your social skills and personal relationships.
- 🎯 The video also promotes the 'Metamorphic' coaching program, suggesting a deeper, structured approach to personal development.
Q & A
What is the main challenge the speaker describes in social situations?
-The main challenge is being stuck in your own head, overthinking, and feeling unsure of what to say, which can make social interactions uncomfortable and prevent success.
What key principle from Dale Carnegie does the speaker mention to improve social interactions?
-The speaker highlights Carnegie's principle of being interested in other people rather than trying to be interesting. This involves asking questions and showing genuine empathy.
How does the speaker contrast two types of conversations at a party?
-The speaker contrasts a conversation with someone who only talks about themselves, making the interaction one-sided, with a conversation where the other person shows genuine interest and asks questions, making the interaction enjoyable.
Why is detachment from outcomes important when applying social principles?
-Detachment is important because if you're using social principles just to get people to like you, it can come off as needy and inauthentic. Genuine interest, without expecting anything in return, is more effective.
What does Dale Carnegie say about the power of remembering someone’s name?
-Dale Carnegie says that a person's name is the sweetest sound to them, and remembering it shows that you value them, which helps build rapport.
What tip does the speaker give for remembering names during social interactions?
-The speaker suggests using the 'three for three' rule—saying someone's name three times within the first three minutes of meeting them to help commit it to memory.
How does the speaker suggest avoiding awkwardness when forgetting someone's name?
-The speaker recommends using the phrase 'Good to see you' instead of 'Nice to meet you' if you're unsure whether you've met someone before, which helps avoid the awkwardness of forgetting their name.
What is 'resting face' and how can it impact social interactions?
-Resting face refers to a neutral or focused facial expression that can come off as unapproachable. The speaker suggests smiling more to appear warmer and more approachable in social situations.
How does the speaker explain the power of compliments in social situations?
-The speaker notes that compliments, especially sincere ones, are impactful because people rarely receive them, and they can help build rapport. However, they should be genuine and not flattery.
What does the speaker emphasize about making changes in social interactions?
-The speaker emphasizes that improving social interactions requires effort, trying new approaches like smiling or being more open, and understanding that effort can significantly change how others perceive you.
Outlines
🗣️ Overcoming Social Anxiety and Becoming a Good Listener
The paragraph discusses the common struggle of social anxiety and the impact it can have on various aspects of life, such as work and relationships. It introduces the concept of a 'road map' to improve social interactions, referencing a century-old book that still holds relevance today. The speaker shares four practical tips, starting with the importance of being genuinely interested in others rather than trying to be interesting. The first tip is illustrated through a party scenario where two different types of conversations are compared: one where the speaker dominates the conversation and another where they show genuine interest. The speaker emphasizes the power of asking questions and listening empathetically, which can significantly improve social interactions. Dale Carnegie's advice is highlighted, suggesting that showing interest in others can lead to more friendships than trying to make others interested in you. The paragraph concludes with a note on detachment, cautioning against using these principles manipulatively.
😄 The Power of Names, Smiling, and Sincere Compliments
This paragraph continues with the second and third tips for enhancing social interactions. The second tip is about the importance of remembering and using people's names, which is emphasized through the 'three for three' rule: saying someone's name three times within the first three minutes of meeting them. The speaker also suggests using 'good to see you' instead of 'nice to meet you' when encountering someone you've met before to avoid breaking rapport. The third tip focuses on the impact of facial expressions, particularly smiling, on approachability and warmth. The speaker argues that even a slight smile can make a person seem more friendly and open to conversation. Dale Carnegie's quote about the importance of facial expressions is mentioned, and the paragraph concludes with the fourth tip: the power of sincere compliments. The speaker explains that compliments are rare and can leave a lasting impression, influencing behavior. The concept of praising qualities you want to see grow in others is introduced, and the difference between flattery and honest appreciation is discussed. The paragraph ends with a promotion for a coaching program called 'Metamorphic' and a call to action for viewers to apply for it.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Overthinking
💡Charisma
💡Being Interested
💡Detachment
💡Names
💡Resting Bitch Face (RBF)
💡Compliments
💡Recognition
💡Consistency
💡Metamorphic
Highlights
The frustration of being in your own head can negatively impact social life.
A century-old book provides a roadmap to make people like you in 10 minutes.
Being interested in others rather than trying to be interesting is a practical tip for social success.
The pressure to be the performer in social situations can be counterproductive.
Dale Carnegie's advice on being interested in others can help make more friends.
Detachment from outcomes is important when applying social principles.
The power of remembering and using someone's name is emphasized.
The 'three for three' rule for remembering names in social interactions.
Using someone's name can break rapport if overused.
Smiling can make one appear more approachable and warm.
The importance of effort in social interactions and the impact it has on attracting people.
Compliments are memorable and can influence behavior.
Sincere appreciation can lead to people living up to a fine reputation.
Praising qualities you want to see grow in relationships.
The difference between flattery and sincere appreciation.
The book's big ideas are still relevant and practical today.
Metamorphic coaching program for personal growth and self-improvement.
The importance of effort in personal development and shedding off layers to reveal one's true self.
Transcripts
we've all been there i know you felt it
at a party maybe you felt it on a date
maybe it's even preventing you from
crushing it at work that frustration of
being in your own head i don't know what
to say do people even like me how is
that guy so charismatic you start
overthinking everything does that make
your social life better no makes it
worse but what if i told you there was a
road map to get people to like you in
literally 10 minutes despite this book
being almost a century old yes a hundred
years 36 is when it was written damn do
these ideas hold up more than ever i'm
going to share with you four of the most
practical tips things that you can
literally walk away from this video and
start using in your social situations
people are going to be like something
about that guy here's the first point
picture this you're at a party and you
have two conversations conversation
number one you get cornered with a woman
who won't stop talking she literally
won't shut up doesn't matter what you
say doesn't matter you trying to give
cues that you want to leave she'll find
a way to turn every single conversation
or talking point back onto her you just
got back from a vacation well i'm going
on vacation next month let me tell you
all about it that's so cool you just got
a new job so do my friend and
now your second conversation of that
night goes a little different they're
asking you the questions they're
laughing at your jokes seems like they
actually pay attention to you and care
what did person number two do they used
what dale carnegie calls being
interested
not trying to be interesting early 20s i
was learning a lot of pickup game and
how to talk to women it was literally
like really poorly recorded videos of 45
year old dudes trying to teach you magic
tricks being like this is how you get
girls this is how you be interesting i
never learned any of the magic tricks so
i can't say if they worked or not but
what i do remember is there was a lot of
pressure pressure being the performer
and it turned every social situation
into like this performance of you have
to win people over by being the most
interesting and having the life of like
the dos equis man most interesting man
in the world if you just become
interested in people and you start
asking them questions and you kind of
turn on them and you actually care you
listen empathetically it's almost a
surefire way if someone goes up to them
at the end of the day they're gonna be
like i like that dude that girl listened
to me she's cool there's a quote that
dale carnegie says he says you can make
more friends in two months by becoming
interested in other people than you can
in two years by trying to get other
people interested in you one caveat here
it's very very very very very important
it's more of an eastern self-development
idea that we talk about on this channel
of detachment okay detaching from
outcomes and how that you shouldn't do
this principle as a way or a gimmick or
a trick to get the girl in the bar to
pay attention to you and like if you're
doing that they can sense it the
intention behind that is almost a
neediness i'm gonna use this principle
to get them to like me yeah you want
them to like you sure but you don't need
anything right it's obvious when a guy
is just talking to a woman and they just
want to sleep with them and they're
acting really interested that's so crazy
you eat pineapples on pizza me too it
kind of defeats the whole purpose the
second big idea you ever heard someone
and they're like oh i'm so bad with
names what does that even mean you're
just so unimportant to me that i won't
even take the half calorie energy
expenditure it takes to know your name
screaming i don't care in leadership
development they drill this into you
the power of someone's name
really think about that it's the one
thing that's unique to you that you've
been called your entire life even dogs
know their own name bill carnegie
famously said remember that someone's
name is the sweetest sound but what do
you do if you are actually bad with
names i got some tips for you i call
this the three for three rule make a
goal to say someone's name three times
in the first three minutes of meeting
what's your name justin cool nice to
meet you justin it's clark so justin
where are you from boom right there
three times tip number two there's
nothing worse than meeting someone
forgetting their name and then having to
meet them again and be like what's your
name oh it's oh yeah okay oh yeah we met
before we're gonna break rapport a bit
so what you do learn this from a
hollywood social coach don't worry not
the magician pickup artist you say good
to see you
not nice to meet you nice to meet you
dude we already met good to see you this
works super well if you're going out if
you're being social at parties or bars
or meeting people for the first time if
you just take this little extra effort
of knowing people's names and
remembering it and calling them that
they're gonna like it but not if you
overuse it
okay this is the biggest warning
it is creepy if you just call them their
name every single time i get it you
learn this tip and you're like hell yeah
clark i'm gonna use this get everyone to
like me and if all you have is a hammer
everything kind of looks like a nail
don't overuse this justin how's it going
justin listen justin i was thinking
later justin you and i justin justin
will ask what drugs you're on probably
never want to talk to you again remember
that a person's name is the sweetest
sound to them tip number three i was
told once that i had resting face
you ever heard that term i'll show you
look this is me literally completely
relaxed and focused now if you've never
seen me before and we're strangers is
this a face that like that's warm if we
were having a conversation would you
feel safe opening up why is this guy
gonna mug me in two seconds but what's
crazy is like that's me completely
relaxed and focused and there's nothing
wrong versus if i have just a slight
smile on and i'm nodding my head a few
times see how much more approachable and
warm that is what's the difference
smiling that's how you cure the rbf
smiling a bit more dale carnegie quote
the expression one wears on one's face
is far more important than the clothes
that wear on one's back even when you're
on the phone with people you can tell if
they're smiling or not can't you now
some people argue with this like why am
i gonna smile when i'm not actually
happy or if i'm like mad or you know i'm
not feeling it i want to be real like i
want my vibe to just like keep it real
and look i'm not saying be a fake person
i'm not saying like smile and laugh like
you're live in the suburbs and someone's
coming over for cheese board and wine
night but what i am saying is put some
effort into it that's i think the
biggest takeaway from this book effort
goes a long way so if you don't like the
social interactions you're having right
now if you want them to be better you're
gonna have to change things and that
doesn't have to be huge it doesn't have
to be fake but maybe being open to
trying things a different way and if you
don't smile you're gonna act pissed off
and hard to be around guess who you're
gonna attract like attracts like is that
a circle you want a bunch of people who
sit around complaining that sounds great
i don't think that is cause that's why
you're watching this video so put some
damn effort into it and smile and the
fourth big idea i was watching a
comedian come up on tick tock it said
women if you give guys a compliment
they will remember that for the rest of
their lives because guys get so few but
careful what you compliment them on
because it's gonna stick you say his
jeans make him look good he's gonna wear
those jeans every day and never wash
them for the next two years the point is
that compliments are kind of few and far
between these days and in here dale
carnegie says that even if you have to
have a difficult conversation with
someone that you should begin with
honest and sincere appreciation that
people are dying for recognition you
could even argue that's why we're so
self-obsessed we post photos for
validation that part of human psychology
will never change everyone loves
recognition everyone loves a good job a
pat on the back being acknowledged you
know what i like about you no one's ever
gonna say dude shut up yeah i don't care
most people will be on the edge of their
seat dale carnegie says in leadership
that you should give people a fine
reputation to live up to human beings
have a need to remain consistent with
the identity that they create in their
head if you say i am a runner you're
going to get up every morning and you're
going to run even if you're on vacation
because you are that i am extremely
disciplined that wasn't a trait i always
had but in college someone told me clark
you're extremely disciplined that
appreciation stuck with me and to this
day i view myself as someone who can
cultivate discipline there's also a
relationship tip which is praising the
qualities you want to see grow you want
your partner to do the dishes compliment
them when they do the dishes you want
your partner to give you back rubs
compliment how good they are at giving
back rubs not criticizing when they
don't or nitpicking when they do now i
know what you're thinking clark isn't
this just like flattery and telling
blowing smoke up people's ass there's a
difference between flattering
appreciation
honest and sincere appreciation that's
what we're asking for here people are
going to pick up when it's honest and
sincere too and look guys this can be
simple you don't have to pause someone
in the middle of a workday and tell them
why you agree with their values and you
can see their hearts and it's shining
through their like no these are little
things that go so far you know what's
nice
not having two-minute sponsorships on
these videos isn't that kind of nice i
don't have to sell you moisturizing
creams or websites or socks nothing
wrong with them but it's because i
self-sponsor these videos we have a
coaching program it's called metamorphic
the whole point is to design and create
and help you
shed off the layers of what i call this
2.0 version of okay we're acting as if
it's kind of fake fake it till you make
it all the self-improvement advice can
be confusing and overwhelming i don't
buy that i believe that you already have
that 2.0 version of you deep down inside
that we just got to shut off some layers
that aren't really you and let go of
some old stories and baggage how much
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there i mean i love them but sometimes
they can be entertainment not education
and if you feel like you're in the same
spot you were 12 months ago what's going
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so if you're really ready for a
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below there's a coach one of our coaches
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book just chock full of big ideas and if
you're someone who does like these types
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perfect follow-up i'll see you there
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