How to Win Friends and Influence People (EVERY PRINCIPLE)
Summary
TLDRThis Skillshare class explores Dale Carnegie's timeless strategies from 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' to enhance social skills and leadership. It covers principles like avoiding criticism, showing appreciation, and empathizing with others to build positive relationships. The course offers actionable advice for better communication, influencing others, and becoming an effective leader, all aimed at enriching one's social life and personal growth.
Takeaways
- π The class focuses on 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' by Dale Carnegie, emphasizing the importance of social skills in personal development.
- π Carnegie suggests having a deep desire to learn and improve social skills, highlighting the significance of these principles for a richer social life.
- π€ The first principle for handling people is to avoid criticizing, condemning, or complaining, as it requires character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.
- π The second principle encourages giving honest and sincere appreciation to nourish others' self-esteem, which can lead to better work and greater effort.
- π The third principle is about arousing in others an 'ego want', meaning understanding and appealing to the desires and interests of others to motivate them.
- π± The fourth principle for making people like you is to become genuinely interested in others, which can lead to deeper connections and learning opportunities.
- π Smiling is the second principle to make people like you, as it can positively affect how others perceive you and can start a cycle of positivity.
- π£οΈ Remembering a person's name is crucial, as it is the sweetest sound to them, and using it shows that you value and respect them.
- π Being a good listener and encouraging others to talk about themselves is a powerful way to make people feel important and liked.
- π‘ Talking in terms of the other person's interests helps to build rapport and ensures that conversations are engaging and meaningful.
- π Making people feel important and appreciated is key to building strong relationships and fostering a sense of community.
Q & A
What is the main book discussed in the video script?
-The main book discussed in the video script is 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' by Dale Carnegie.
What is the 'magic requirement' Dale Carnegie suggests for getting the most out of his book?
-The 'magic requirement' Dale Carnegie suggests is having a deep, driving desire to learn with a vigorous determination to improve your social skills.
What exercise is suggested in the script to visualize the improvement of social skills?
-The exercise suggested is to imagine meeting a new person, visualize the conversation, and how by improving social skills, you can make that person feel appreciated and important.
According to the script, why is it important to avoid criticizing, condemning, or complaining?
-It is important to avoid criticizing, condemning, or complaining because it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving, and it helps in becoming a kinder and more empathetic person.
What is the significance of giving honest and sincere appreciation according to the script?
-Giving honest and sincere appreciation is significant because it nourishes people's self-esteem, encourages them to do better, and makes them feel valued for their efforts.
Why is it beneficial to arouse in the other person an 'ego want' as mentioned in the script?
-It is beneficial to arouse an 'ego want' because it motivates the other person and makes them want to fulfill their desires, which can be used to persuade them effectively.
What is the first principle of the 'six ways to make people like you' as per the script?
-The first principle is to become genuinely interested in other people, which can help in making more friends and deepening conversations.
How does the script suggest using the principle of smiling to improve social interactions?
-The script suggests using the principle of smiling to improve social interactions by forcing a smile initially, which can start a positive feedback loop, making others smile back and creating a more pleasant environment.
What advice does the script give on remembering a person's name and its importance?
-The script advises remembering a person's name because it is the sweetest sound to them and using it in conversation pays a subtle compliment, making them feel more connected and important.
How can one implement the principle of being a good listener according to the script?
-One can implement the principle of being a good listener by asking more questions, encouraging others to talk about themselves and their accomplishments, and genuinely being interested in what they have to say.
What is the key takeaway from the script regarding the importance of social skills and leadership principles?
-The key takeaway is that social skills and leadership principles, as outlined in Dale Carnegie's book, are crucial for effective communication, building relationships, and influencing behavior positively.
Outlines
π Introduction to Social Skills Mastery
The video script introduces a course based on Dale Carnegie's book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People,' aiming to enhance social skills. It emphasizes the importance of having a genuine desire to learn and improve. The course covers 30 principles for social success, encouraging viewers to imagine improving their social skills to make others feel appreciated and important. The script suggests different ways to engage with the course content for maximum benefit, such as binge-watching or spaced repetition, and to actively apply the principles in real-life situations.
π The Power of Positive Reinforcement
This paragraph discusses the significance of offering honest and sincere appreciation to others, as it nourishes their self-esteem and motivates them to perform better. The speaker shares a personal anecdote about expressing gratitude to his mother and the positive impact it had. The text highlights the importance of leaving a trail of gratitude in daily life, spreading positivity, and making people feel valued. It also touches on the third principle of handling people: arousing in others an 'ego want,' which involves understanding their desires and motivating them to take action.
π€ Techniques for Building Rapport
The script delves into the techniques for making people like you, starting with showing genuine interest in others. It references psychologist Alfred Adler's view on the importance of being interested in fellow humans. The second principle is to smile, as it reflects happiness and can improve one's mood and the mood of others. The third principle is remembering names, which is considered sweetest to the individual and a subtle compliment. Lastly, being a good listener and encouraging others to talk about themselves is highlighted as a way to make people feel important and build stronger connections.
π± Encouraging Personal Growth and Understanding
The focus shifts to the importance of understanding others' interests and making them feel important, as outlined in the fourth and fifth principles. The text suggests doing research to find common interests and using this knowledge to connect with people. It also emphasizes the value of making others feel recognized and appreciated for their contributions. The sixth principle advises avoiding arguments, as they often result in a lose-lose situation, and instead finding better ways to influence people's thinking.
π The Art of Persuasion and Agreement
This section introduces principles for winning people over to one's way of thinking, starting with avoiding direct confrontation and showing respect for others' opinions. It suggests admitting one's own mistakes before pointing out others', and using a friendly approach to foster a more receptive environment. The principle of getting a 'yes' response immediately is discussed, as is the importance of letting the other person do most of the talking to understand their perspective better.
π€ Strategies for Effective Communication
The paragraph discusses the importance of letting the other person feel that the idea is theirs, the value of seeing things from their point of view, and the need for sympathy towards their ideas and desires. It emphasizes the power of appealing to people's nobler motives and the impact of dramatizing ideas to make them more vivid and memorable. The text also mentions the effectiveness of challenges in driving people to action and excel.
π Principles of Leadership and Motivation
The script outlines principles for effective leadership, beginning with the importance of praise and honest appreciation. It advises against direct criticism, instead suggesting indirect methods to highlight mistakes. The text encourages leaders to admit their own mistakes, ask questions rather than give orders, and let the person save face. The power of praise for every improvement and the use of encouragement to make faults seem easy to correct are also covered.
π Final Thoughts on Leadership and Influence
In the concluding paragraph, the speaker reflects on the impact of the principles discussed and encourages viewers to share the knowledge with others. The text emphasizes the value of social skills in personal and professional life and suggests revisiting the course to reinforce learning. It also invites viewers to support the speaker's side project focused on improving young men's physical and mental health through his YouTube channel.
Mindmap
Keywords
π‘Social Skills
π‘Empathy
π‘Appreciation
π‘Ego
π‘Interest
π‘Smile
π‘Names
π‘Listening
π‘Arguments
π‘Respect
π‘Leadership
Highlights
The course covers principles from Dale Carnegie's 'How to Win Friends and Influence People', aiming to improve social skills and interpersonal relationships.
Dale Carnegie emphasizes the importance of having a genuine desire to learn and improve social skills for getting the most out of the book.
An exercise to visualize improved social skills in action, highlighting the positive impact on new acquaintances.
Principle one: Avoid criticizing, condemning, or complaining to foster understanding and forgiveness.
Principle two: Give honest and sincere appreciation to nourish self-esteem and motivate better performance.
Principle three: Arouse in the other person an eager want by understanding their perspective and desires.
Six ways to make people like you, starting with becoming genuinely interested in others.
Smiling can significantly impact interactions, even if it's forced initially, as it can start a positive feedback loop.
Remembering a person's name is a powerful way to make them feel important and valued.
Being a good listener and encouraging others to talk about themselves builds deeper connections.
Principle five: Talk in terms of the other person's interests to engage them in conversation and build rapport.
Principle six: Make the other person feel important sincerely, acknowledging their contributions and efforts.
Winning an argument is impossible because it often leads to resentment; it's better to avoid arguments altogether.
Show respect for the other person's opinions and never outright say they are wrong to maintain a respectful dialogue.
Admitting when you are wrong quickly and empathetically can help to resolve conflicts and maintain respect.
Begin in a friendly way and show appreciation to make people more open to changing their minds.
Get the other person saying 'yes' immediately to create a positive environment for discussion and agreement.
Let the other person do a great deal of the talking to understand their viewpoint and make them feel heard.
Make the other person feel that the idea is theirs by subtly guiding them to the conclusion you desire.
Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view to build empathy and understanding.
Be sympathetic to the other person's ideas and desires to build rapport and trust.
Appeal to their nobler motives to inspire positive behavior change and a sense of higher purpose.
Dramatize your ideas to make them more memorable and impactful.
Throw down a challenge to stimulate competition and motivate action towards a goal.
Begin with praise and honest appreciation to set a positive tone before suggesting improvements.
Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly to avoid causing resentment and to encourage self-reflection.
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing others to demonstrate empathy and humanize leadership.
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders to stimulate creativity and a sense of involvement.
Let the other person save face to maintain their dignity and encourage a positive attitude towards improvement.
Phrase the slightest improvement and praise every improvement to reinforce positive behaviors.
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to by highlighting their potential and setting high expectations.
Use encouragement and make the fault seem easy to correct to instill a growth mindset and motivate effort.
Make the other person happy about doing the things that you suggest by creating incentives for immediate gratification.
Transcripts
for this skill of share class we'll be
going over the principles outlined in
this fantastic book How to Win Friends
and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
whether you've read the book already or
you've yet to learn the fundamental
social skills this skillshare class is
packed full of value and actionable
steps that'll have you making friends
faster and easier than ever you'll
improve your coaching and mentoring
skills whilst becoming a better
Entertainer and more empathetic listener
there's something for everyone in this
class we'll be going over the 30
principles of social success before we
start Dale Carnegie himself said that
there is one magic requirement to get
the most out of this book that is a deep
driving desire to learn with a vigorous
determination to improve your social
skills He suggests to constantly remind
yourself of how important these
principles are and how much you would
like a richer social life so here's a
quick exercise imagine meeting a new
person imagine this person in your head
what they would look like what they
would sound like now imagine that you
had put in some work and effort to
increase your social skills so that you
could better manage a conversation with
this new person that you're meeting
you're having a conversation with this
person that makes them feel appreciated
and important this makes that person
feel grateful for you they would be so
glad they met you because you have taken
the time to invest to level up your
social skills your conversation with
this person would genuinely make them
feel good about themselves that's
amazing we're spreading positivity here
by learning the principles from this
book so well done for taking the first
step in improving your social skills
let's start right away with the first
chapter fundamental techniques in
handling people principle one never
criticize condemn or complain Carnegie
says that the best way to get the most
out of this book is to reach each
chapter rapidly at first and then go
back and reread each chapter thoroughly
so taking that advice into account
there's different ways that you can
watch this class to most benefit your so
social skills you could binge watch all
of the lectures for the next hour or so
just to get an understanding of what
we're talking about here and then slowly
over the next month or so you could
watch one or two lectures a day and then
you completely Focus your intention on
actively trying those principles that
you just learned Carnegie says to stop
frequently and to ask yourself how you
could realistically use this principle
that you're currently learning in your
real life social interactions so as
you're watching this class consider just
pausing the video and taking a minute or
two to genuinely think about the people
the times the environments that you
could use these principles I hope this
skillshare class will be a source of
information and value that you can just
keep re-watching to just further
solidify these principles into your mind
and with that said let's begin with
principle one
principle one of the fundamental
techniques in handling people is to
never criticize condemn or complain
Carnegie says any fool can criticize
condemn and complain and most fools do
but it takes character and self-control
to be understanding and forgiving he
mentions Abraham Lincoln's saying judge
not that ye be not judged Lincoln had a
whole lot of reasons to judge other
people yet he never did he said don't
criticize them they are just what we
would be under similar circumstances and
that makes sense if all of the
circumstances like the lifelong history
the thought processes and the
environmental factors were all the same
you must have acted in the same way as
them so we can't criticize someone for
doing something we would do if we were
in the exact 100 same situation as them
this principle may actually be quite
difficult to implement because it's
actually much easier to be negative to
someone who has messed up it's harder
but therefore better for us to hold our
judgments back and try our best to
understand why they do what they do
following this principle will turn you
into a more kind person is the challenge
of being kind not exactly at this moment
when our natural instinct linked is to
criticize so keep this new mentality of
not criticizing condemning or
complaining about someone and you'll
find that you become a more kind
empathetic person
principle two of the fundamental
techniques in handling people is to give
honest and sincere appreciation Carnegie
says we nourish the bodies of our
children and friends and employees but
how seldom do we nourish their
self-esteem we neglect to give them kind
words of appreciation that would sing in
their memories for years like the music
of the morning Stars he mentions Charles
Schwab president of the United States
Steel company in 1921 who said I have
yet to find the person who did not do
better work and put forth greater effort
under a spirit of approval than he would
ever do under a spirit of criticism
humans learn through positive
reinforcement we know that to be true
through countless psychological studies
if you want someone to be happy behaving
in a certain way encourage that behavior
through honest appreciation tell them
and show them that you are grateful for
what they are doing this is going to
make me sound like a bad person but I
never used to say thank you to my mum
after she would make me eat breakfast I
recently started saying thanks and
complimented her on how well she cooks
fried eggs and she just seems to enjoy
it more and it certainly made her smile
all of our Associates be that workers in
shops factories or families and friends
are human beings and they all have a
hunger for appreciation Carnegie
suggests to leave a friendly trail of
little Sparks of gratitude on your daily
trips so try that next time you're in a
shop and you see a staff member working
hard give them appreciation next time
you get a lovely meal or fantastic
service in a restaurant tell them thank
them for it you'll be spreading
positivity around your community and I
bet that person will smile about it the
third and final principle of the
fundamental techniques in handling
people is to arouse in the other person
an ego wants Carnegie says tomorrow you
may want to persuade someone to do
something before you speak pause and ask
yourself how can I make this person want
to do it he mentions a quote from Henry
Ford and some of the best relationship
advice he's ever heard
if there is any one secret of success it
lies in the ability to get the other
person's point of view and see things
from that person's angle as well as from
your own instead of discussion or threat
when a young child was protesting about
going to kindergarten a member of Dale
Carnegie's course tried something
different he and his wife started finger
painting and having lots of fun whilst
telling his child about all of the
things he would get to enjoy in
kindergarten this principle is all about
motivating the other person put yourself
in their shoes and think about their
desires what do they want arousing and
ego wants is very important in business
this is why companies do Target Market
Research to see what the customer wants
it's never about what your company wants
it's about fulfilling the needs and the
wants of the customer this principle is
very similar to law 13 of the 48 Laws of
Power when asking for help appeal to
people's self-interest never to their
Mercy or gratitude emphasis size what
they will get out of it so you can
practically implement this principle by
being mindful of the needs and the wants
of the person in front of you and
talking about that let me give you an
example I always wanted a gym partner
someone to come to the gym with me and
spot me whilst I was lifting weights
what I would tell guys that I wanted a
gym partner do you think they ever threw
themselves at the opportunity no but
then when I started mentioning what they
would get out of coming to the gym with
me and that was increased muscle
strength and confidence all whilst
trading safely with someone who has a
lot of experience I started speaking
about the benefits they would experience
instead of just what I wanted and now I
almost always have a guide to go to the
gym with the fourth principle starts the
new chapter six ways to make people like
you and that is by becoming genuinely
interested in other people Carnegie says
you can make more friends in two months
by becoming genuinely interested in
other people than you can in two years
by trying to get other people interested
in you you he mentioned psychologist
Alfred Adler it is the individual who is
not interested in his fellow men who has
the greatest difficulties in life and
provides the greatest injury to others
it is from such individuals that all
human failures spring I've been using
this principle with a thought that I
keep in mind everyone has an interesting
story a mistake that they've made that I
could learn from they have success that
I may be able to replicate only by
becoming interested in other people can
you find these things out implementing
this principle will make your
conversations deeper a Rowan poet
publilius Cyrus said that we are
interested in others when they are
interested in us your strengthen quality
friendships this way by overcoming the
basic conversations that we usually
limit ourselves to practical way that
you can implement this principle is
simply by asking the other person more
questions see where the conversation
ends up and you'll probably find
something that really interests you the
other person will feel fantastic of the
attention you're giving them and maybe
you'll learn a thing or two the second
principle of making people like you is
to smile
Carnegie says that happiness doesn't
depend on outward conditions it depends
on inner conditions it isn't what you
have or who you are or where you are or
what you are doing that makes you happy
or unhappy it is what you think about it
he mentions telephone customer service
training where members of staff are
instructed to smile as they talk on the
phone because your smile comes out
through your voice when you talk what if
you don't feel like smiling Carnegie
mentions a quote from psychologist
William James thus The Sovereign
voluntary path to cheerfulness if our
cheerfulness be lost is to sit up
cheerfully and to act and speak as if
cheerfulness we're already there fake it
till you make it we know that fake it
till you make it actually works because
it starts a positive feedback loop you
fake the cheerfulness and smile suddenly
everyone is smiling back at you and the
pleasantness of the situation actually
causes your smile to become real force
yourself to smile and then think about
how stupid it is to actually fake a
smile and then you'll be finding
yourself smiling naturally remember to
force this smile anytime you see your
phone ring if you force a smile and
answer the phone the other person will
just think that you are very very happy
to speak to them your energy will become
so much more pleasant and then the other
person will likely feel the same way
implementing this principle and smiling
more will undoubtedly make other people
smile back at you it will make you feel
a lot more connected in your community
and in fact I personally think this
principle has changed my life the most
the images you're seeing on screen right
now are a few paragraphs from my own
personal Journal of the importance of
smiling fake it till you make it and
start that positive feedback loop the
third principle of making people like
you is to remember that a person's name
is to that person the sweetest sound in
any language Carnegie says that the
average person is more interested in his
or her own name than in all the other
names on Earth put together remember
that name and call it easily and you
have paid a subtle and very effective
compliments he mentions Andrew Carnegie
who learned the astounding importance
people place on their own names at just
the age of 10. he had a whole nest of
little rabbits and nothing to feed them
so he convinced his neighborhood friends
to go out and pick some dandelion some
food for the rabbits and in return he
would name the little rabbits after
those kids using people's names in the
middle of a conversation does feel a
little bit awkward when you first start
but you'll find that people do seem way
more receptive to you when you do use
their name anytime I get someone's phone
number I always thought the first
message or voice notes with their name
Caitlyn it's Hamza we met earlier
implementing this principle will make
the people you speak to feel more
connected and more important to you
remembering their name is almost like
crazy
between two people and now you're
probably thinking okay well how do I
actually begin to remember people's
names effectively and I don't think
there's any secret tactic it just takes
a little more intention Carnegie says
that most people don't remember names
for the simple reason that they don't
take the time and energy necessary to
concentrate and repeat and fix names in
their minds so it's likely that you'll
improve the ability to remember
someone's name if you just care about it
more and you put more intention into
remembering their name remain mindful of
the significance that we place on our
names and carry this thought around with
you so the fourth principle of making
people like you is to be a good listener
and to encourage others to talk about
themselves Carnegie says if you aspire
to be a good conversationalist be an
attentive listener to be interesting be
interested ask questions that the other
person will enjoy answering encourage
them to talk about themselves and their
accomplishments he mentions Edward Bach
a Dutch immigrant boy living in poverty
he had nothing to his name but he began
corresponding with really famous people
how did you do that by encouraging them
to talk about themselves he wrote
letters to people like Mrs Abraham
Lincoln asking them about details of
their childhood by just being a good
listener a poor boy with seemingly no
future became a welcome guest in
distinguished people's homes here's the
deal we love talking about ourselves
much more than we like to listen but if
you become the person who enjoys
listening and gets people talking about
themselves they'll love of talking to
you you can implement this principle and
you will immediately notice how your
conversations change people will open up
about private parts of their life and
then they'll probably tell you that
they've never really spoken about these
things before if you implement this
principle you're actually doing a
fantastic service sometimes we need to
talk to someone who's a great listener
someone who doesn't just want to talk
back and you can become that person for
your friends or family making them
grateful for you there is a downside to
this the people that you speak to may
not be great listeners to what you have
to say it might feel unbalanced like
they're doing all the talking and you're
doing all the listening when is it your
turn to do the talking I've certainly
noticed this myself I think that's
because the average person has more of a
need to talk and get things out of their
mind than their need to listen really
the more people who read this book The
more great listeners that we will
encounter that's why I think this book
should be recommended to everyone and
that is why I made this skillshare class
the world would generally be a better
place if more people tried to implement
these principles so consider sharing
this book with someone maybe send them a
free PDF or even order the book for them
on Amazon or send them a link to this
skillshare class if they internalize it
then that's your benefit you've now got
someone who has become a great listener
to what you have to say the fifth
principle of making people like you is
to talk in terms of the other person's
interests Carnegie mentions how guests
of Theodore Roosevelt were always
astonished at his wide range of
knowledge particularly in the things
that they were interested in Roosevelt
admitted his Secrets he would stay up
late and read up on the subjects that he
knew his guests were interested in in
Carnegie's words for Roosevelt new as
all leaders know that the Royal Road to
a person's heart is to talk about the
things that he or she Treasures most I
have some advice on implementing this
principle and this is my exact method on
how I perform outstandingly in job and
use before the interview or even the
initial phone call I always do extra
research on the company and the
recruiter you can always find what
they're interested in online and when
you mention it in the interview they're
impressed they appreciate the fact that
you took the time to research them and
get a bit more knowledge on what they
are interested in implementing this
principle is a Surefire way of never
running out of things to talk about if
you focus on their interests and use the
previous principle of being a good
listener and encouraging them to talk
about themselves you won't have to talk
much at all and you'll learn a lot of
new knowledge and information about
hobbies and activities that you may not
have known you never know where these
kinds of conversations could lead to for
example speaking in terms of the other
person's interests has gotten me invited
to parties barbecues an interesting
workout sessions you'll find that it's
quite common for people to briefly
mention something that they're really
interested in in the middle of a
conversation and when you pick up on
that and you ask them a question about
that interest
their eyes light up like they've wanted
to talk about this stuff for a while but
no one has asked them no one has spoke
in terms of their interests they don't
get to speak about what they are most
interested in very often so pay them
that favor and sometimes they even
invite you to join them with that
interest the sixth and final principle
of making people like you is to make the
other person feel important and to do so
sincerely Carnegie says probably the
most important rule of all is to do onto
others as you would have others do unto
you you want recognition of your true
worth you crave sincere appreciation so
give that to others Carnegie mentions a
restaurant owner in France who used this
principle of making the other person
feel important a key employee had sent
in her resonation but the restaurant
owner was able to make her withdraw it
simply by making her feel important he
told her that she meant a great deal to
the success of the restaurant and he
said this in front of the entire staff
you'll find that if you just switch up
your thing thinking everyone is in some
way a cog a vital piece to the bigger
picture bin man janitor's receptionists
all play an important role but I really
appreciated but now that you're keeping
this principle in mind you can be the
person that makes them feel important
just think about what they're
contributing to and thank them for it
implementing this principle is a
straightforward way of making people
appreciated for their efforts if you
yourself want appreciation and a feeling
of importance in this world do unto
others as you would have others do unto
you the first principle of the new
chapter when people to your way of
thinking is to know that the only way to
win an argument is to avoid it
completely
Carnegie says you can't win an argument
you can't because if you lose it you
lose it if you win it you lose it why
well suppose you triumph over the other
man and shoot his argument full of holes
and prove that he is non-compass mentis
then why you will feel fine but what
about him you have made him feel
inferior you have hurt his pride he will
resent your Triumph and a man convinced
against his will is of the same opinion
still he mentions a member of his course
who gave a great speech regarding his
transformation in avoiding arguments the
more I argued against it the more my
Prospect argued in favor of it and the
more he argued the more he sold himself
on my competitors product as I look back
now I wonder how I was ever able to sell
anything I lost years of my life in
scrapping and arguing I keep my mouth
shut now it pays arguing is addictive it
makes us feel important when we fight
for our beliefs and we regurgitate the
facts that we've learned but everyone
feels like this so you really have to
think what the point of an argument is
if the point of your argument is to win
that person to your way of thinking then
arguing is not the right way the course
member of the example that I just gave
said it perfectly when you argue with
someone and they argue their point in
retaliation they're just further
solidifying their current belief
Carnegie has watched the effects of
thousands of arguments and he said nine
times out of ten an argument ends with
each of the contestants more firmly
convinced than ever that he is
absolutely right so bear this in mind as
you go about your day there's certainly
better ways to win people to your way of
thinking which we will discuss in the
next few principles avoid arguments as
they are a lose-lose situation the
second principle of winning people to
your way of thinking is to show respect
for the other person's opinions never
say you are wrong Carnegie says if you
can be sure of being right only 55 of
the time you can go down to Wall Street
and make a million dollars a day if you
can't be sure of being right even 55 of
the time why should you tell other
people they are wrong he mentions the
art of subtly proving yourself right in
a way that no one will feel like you're
doing it over 300 years ago galio said
you cannot teach a man anything you can
only help him find it within himself
Carnegie even gives you the exact
sentence you can use if someone makes a
statement that you know is wrong I
thought otherwise but I may be wrong I
frequently am and if I'm wrong I want to
be put right let's examine the facts
this principle works I make YouTube
videos and sometimes someone will come
in with something that I know is wrong a
few times that I've indulged in calling
them out and telling them that they are
wrong an argument has started we now
know that you can't win an argument do
you think after arguing with these
commenters they suddenly subscribed to
my channel and smash that like button no
it offends people when you outwardly say
that they're wrong instead of subtly
telling them the truth all of the people
I argued with on YouTube and said
directly that they were wrong probably
smashed the dislike button implementing
this principle of never saying you're
wrong to someone will stop so many
arguments from ever taking place and
obviously we just learned that you can
never win an argument so these two
principles that we've just learned will
stop us going down that rabbit hole of
negative conversations with people we
will avoid arguments and hostile
disagreements if we implemented these
principles the third principle of
winning people to your way of thinking
is to admit when you are wrong quickly
and empathetically Carnegie says say
about yourself all of the things you
know the other person is thinking or
wants to say or intends to say and say
them before that person has a chance to
say them the chances are a hundred to
one that are generous forgiving attitude
will be taken and your mistakes will be
minimized Carnegie used this principle
himself elf after being caught with his
dog loose without a muzzle or a leash by
a policeman for the second time he
didn't wait until the policeman started
talking and instead he beat him to it
and started admitting his wrongs
empathetically and apologized Carnegie
admitted that he had no excuses as he
had been previously warned not to have
his dog running loose the policeman
responded in a softer Manner and allowed
Carnegie to go without any further
punishment that policeman Being Human
wanted a feeling of importance so when I
began to condemn myself the only way he
could nourish his self-esteem was to
take the magnanimous attitude of showing
Mercy my pronunciation of some of these
older English words are not too great
I'm admitting my wrongs quickly and
empathetically it feels quite awkward to
start admitting your wrongs but once you
get into the flow of it it becomes quite
addictive that's because implementing
this principle will make you grow as a
person people find this trait of
self-reflection so attractive and they
respect it because it reeks of comfort
evidence many many people can't admit
when they're wrong because they've got
big Egos and so when you take that
uncomfortable step people appreciate it
and then they help you feel better like
what you did wasn't really that bad
other people will minimize your
wrongdoings if you admit them first the
fourth principle of winning people to
your way of thinking is to begin in a
friendly way Carnegie says the friendly
approach and appreciation can make
people change their minds more readily
than all the Bluster and storming in the
world he mentions a course member of his
who successfully got his apartment's
rent reduced by beginning in a friendly
way instead of complaining about the
price of rents like the other tenants
who had requested a rent reduction this
one tried something different he greeted
the landlord in a friendly Manner and
started talking about all of the things
that he really liked about the apartment
he complemented the landlord on the way
he ran the buildings and then said that
he would love to stay he just couldn't
afford the rents here without the course
member even directly asking for it the
landlord offered to reduce his rent
that's a fantastic stick story and is so
replicable to many of us today next time
you have a reason to complain consider
beginning with a compliment this
requires more restraint but as we're
learning that's usually a good thing an
example is if you receive a meal in a
restaurant that isn't satisfactory you
could get loud and you could get hostile
but even if they replace your meal
you've just ruined your own mood you've
lowered the positivity of the people
around you and there's always a chance
that the waiter or the cook will spit in
your free meal on the other hand you
could start by giving the waiter a
compliments on their service and then
just say that the meal wasn't
satisfactory I had a friend who was a
waiter for years and he said that this
was the exact way to go about it and
they will undoubtedly replace your meal
free of charge the waiter is much more
likely to go back to the kitchen and
make it clear to the Cook that you were
very nice and that you deserve the best
meal that they can possibly make for you
all this and you get to feel like you're
in a friendlier mood implementing this
principle will make the conversation
with the other person feel like you are
teammates trying to solve the problem
rather than putting the other person on
the offense and making it a you verse
them situation the fifth principle of
winning people to your way of thinking
is to get the other person saying yes
immediately Carnegie says the more yeses
we can at the very outset induce the
more likely we are to succeed in
capturing the attention for our ultimate
proposal he mentions Socrates a Greek
philosopher whose technique was based on
getting a yes yes response Socrates
would ask questions that he knew his
opponents would have to agree to winning
one admission after the other leading to
his opponents finding themselves at a
conclusion that supported him getting
the other person to say yes yes
immediately is a technique used in
copywriting which is writing sales text
that you may see in online shopping it's
also how I convinced some guys to start
going to the gym at first I would
wrongly make it all about me and tell
them why I went to the gym I'd ask them
why they didn't go to the gym themselves
this never worked to convince them
instead using this principle of getting
them to say yes yes has been much more
effective I'd ask them do you want to be
more confident they would of course say
yes I think everyone wants to be more
confident then I'd say something like
imagine right now you had more muscle
more strength and you had accomplished
some fitness goals that you would set
yourself do you think you'd be more
confident after that yes we want them to
agree with us because it just means that
we're on the same side and when you're
on the same side it's much easier to
influence a behavior change into someone
human behavior Professor Harry
Overstreet said a no response is a most
difficult handicap to overcome when you
have said no all your pride of
Personality demands that you remain
consistent with yourself you may later
feel that the no was ill-advised
nevertheless this is your precious Pride
to consider once having said a thing you
feel you must stick to it implementing
this principle will make you better at
sales either selling a product an idea
or a belief if you sell things online
you do e-commerce Facebook ads email
marketing all of those things benefit
from getting the other person to say yes
yes immediately the sixth principle in
winning people to your way of thinking
is to let the other person do a great
deal of the talking Carnegie says most
people trying to win others to their way
of thinking do too much talking
themselves let the other people talk
themselves out he mentions a mother's
deteriorating relationship with her
teenage daughter who kept on misbehaving
the mother lectured threatened and
punished but it never helped so one day
she asked her daughter why why was she
behaving like this and in the mother's
words I had never listened to her I was
always telling her to do this or that
when she wanted to tell me her thoughts
feelings ideas I interrupted with more
orders I began to realize that she
needed me not as a bossy mother but as a
confidant from that time on I let her do
all the Talking she wanted our
relationship has improved immeasurably
the fourth law of the 48 Laws of Power
supports this idea to let the other
person do a great deal of the talking
always say less than necessary the more
you say the more common you appear
powerful people impress and intimidate
by saying less it's easier and it's more
comfortable to keep talking to fill in
the gaps of Silence but that's not a
good thing confident people who are sure
of themselves and their beliefs are not
afraid of the silence in a conversation
keep this in mind if you find yourself
over talking along with letting the
other person do a great deal of talking
comes the necessity of restraints in
interrupting them if you disagree with
them you may be tempted to interrupt but
don't it is dangerous they won't pay
attention to you while they still have a
lot of ideas of their own crying for
expression implementing this principle
will make you seem so much more
confident especially if you're someone
who usually over talks confident people
say less and so when you emulate this it
seems like your beliefs are stronger
than the person who just keeps talking
trying to convince you of something else
the seventh principle of winning people
to your way of thinking is to let the
other person feel like the idea is his
or hers Carnegie says isn't it bad
judgment try to Ram your opinions down
the throats of other people isn't it
wiser to make suggestions and let the
other person think out the conclusion he
mentions Edward M house who was a
confidential advisor for President
Woodrow Wilson after I got to know the
president I learned the best way to
convert him to an idea was to plant it
in his mind casually but so as to
interest him in it so as to get him
thinking about it on his own account I
was amazed to hear him Trot out my
suggestion as his own people don't like
to be told what to do there's an
infuriating moment that I'm sure we've
all experienced how do you feel when
you're about to do the dishes or any
other chore and then someone tells you
to do that thing that you were just
about to do it takes your free will out
of the picture when someone has ordered
you to do or believe something and we
really dislike that to change someone's
way of thinking you have to do so subtly
without making it obvious what your
intentions are they can only truly
believe this new way of thinking if they
reach that point themselves as galio in
previous principal said you cannot teach
a man anything you can only help him
find it within himself
the eighth principle of winning people
to your way of thinking is to try
honestly to see things from their point
of view in Carnegie's own words an
increased tendency to think always in
terms of the other person's point of
view and see things from that person's
angle as well as your own if you only
get one thing from this book it may
easily prove to be one of the Stepping
Stones of your career he mentions
Kenneth M good stating the benefits of
implementing this principle of seeing
things from the other person's point of
view you will have grasped the only
solid foundation for interpersonal
relationships namely that success in
dealing with people depends on a
sympathetic grasp of the other person's
Viewpoint this is where the phrase step
into their shoes comes from you gather a
fantastic understanding of the
motivations a person has if you just
take the time to think about how they
feel and how they think it's a shame
that we often don't take the time to do
this because it's that small amount of
effort that could change how our
conversations go if you could perfectly
see things from someone else's point of
view you could get them to do anything
you'd be able to say the right words and
convey the right atmosphere to convince
them of your way of thinking so just
take the time to really think about who
this person is and what their Viewpoint
is what are they for and what are they
against
the ninth principle of winning people to
your way of thinking is to be
sympathetic to the other person's ideas
and desires Carnegie says that
three-fourths of people are hungering
for attention and sympathy if you give
it to them they will love you he
mentions a very interesting point
passenger Al Capone with the exact same
body mind and temperament with the exact
same environments and childhood you
would then act exactly how he did if we
use the previous principle of seeing
things from their point of view and
putting ourselves in their shoes it
becomes easier to be sympathetic with
someone and Carnegie even gives us the
magic phrase that will eliminate all ill
feeling and help us act sympathetic to
someone I don't blame you one iota for
feeling as you do if I were you I would
undoubtedly feel just as you do
understand that everyone has a reason
for what they do Free Will is not as
easy to understand of a concept as you
may think it is we think we've got free
will you think that you get to decide
your actions do you think that you get
to decide your thoughts but is that true
do you actually get to decide what you
think next if you're watching this
you've probably got some kind of
privilege and decent upbringing to not
have the impulse to go and hurt someone
but what if you did what if that was
your thought is your thoughts not then
determined because you cannot think what
your next thought is going to be up
until it happens you can't exactly
control your Cravings but your cravings
and your thoughts are definitely
influenced by the type of life and
experiences that you've had so if you
had the same life and the same
experiences as someone else it's very
likely that you probably would act in
the exact same way as they did so in
that sense
show sympathy to yourself and to other
humans and so if you want to win people
to your way of thinking consider
implementing this principle and the
previous one to form a greater
understanding of how and what a person
feels shows sympathy to that and they
will listen to you attentively the tenth
principle of winning people to your way
of thinking is to appeal to their nobler
motives Carnegie says the person will
think of the real reason you don't need
to emphasize that but all of us being
idealists at heart like to think of
motives that sound good so in order to
change people appeal to the nobler
motives he mentions how Lord northcliffe
was able to convince editors of a
newspaper company to stop publishing a
picture of him that he didn't like he
appealed to the respect and love that
all of us have for motherhood he wrote
please do not publish that picture of me
anymore my mother doesn't like it
everyone has a potential Noble motive
that you could speak about when trying
to influence someone's Behavior or
thought change for example example I've
been able to convince young men to take
the time and effort to improve their
mental health through practices like
mindfulness and gratitude and exercise
however some guys didn't really feel
motivated to help themselves so my go-to
response to that was a form of appealing
to their Noble motives without me even
realizing that I was doing this I would
say after you learn these practices and
you actually take the time to get used
to them you can teach them to other
friends and family that you know may
have some mental health problems too
most people's Noble motives are selfless
it's something that helps other people
that they love their friends family or
people in their Community implement this
principle appeal to that selfless desire
and they will probably embrace the
responsibility of change
the 11th principle of winning people to
your way of thinking is to dramatize
your ideas Carnegie says this is the day
of dramatization merely stating a truth
isn't enough the truth has to be made
Vivid interesting and dramatic you have
to use Showmanship the movies do it
television does it and you will have to
do it if you want attention he mentions
how souzas set up a romantic atmosphere
and may even get down on one need to
propose you could say the words of love
but adding the dramatization adds extra
effect it creates a moment that they
will better remember the possibilities
of this principle are endless so I would
highly recommend for you to just take a
few minutes after this particular
principle to think and creatively come
up with a few ways that you could
dramatize the idea that you're trying to
convey to others it'll create a more
memorable experience and therefore it'll
probably be more influential for example
a couple weeks ago I met up an old
friend and we were just walking around
our city he said that he wanted to be in
a relationship ship and that he had
slightly been struggling because he
would message girls on Instagram or
Tinder and he didn't have much success
with it I told him the best way in my
opinion is to actually approach girls in
person instead of just being another guy
in her DMS on Instagram whilst I was
telling him this I stopped mid-senses
and walked up to a girl just approached
her and asked for her number she said no
but it seemed to influence him a lot
more than if I just told him to do so he
witnessed in his own eyes that just
walking up and speaking to someone isn't
as scary as it seems I dramatized my
idea and I want him to my way of
thinking implementing this principle
does take a little more confidence but
it leads to Greater rewards it increases
the potential to change their minds when
they see and remember something dramatic
the 12th and final principle of winning
people to your way of thinking is to
throw down a challenge Carnegie says
this is what every successful person
loves the game the chance for
self-expression the chance to prove his
or her birth to excel to win he mentions
Charles Schwab who created an atmosphere
of challenging competition by drawing a
big figure six on the floor with chalk
to indicate a Mill's day shift
production the night shift came in
worked hard and changed the six to a
seven then the day shift came in thought
they got one up by the night shift and
then worked really really hard changed
the seven to a 10. this Mill in
particular started turning out more work
than any other Mill in the entire plan
Charles Schwab himself said the way to
get things done is to stimulate
competition I do not mean an assorted
money getting way but in the desire to
excel Challenge and competition truly
works and a great practical thing about
this is that you can compete with
yourself or you could get your clients
or customers or staff to compete with
themselves for example as a weightlifter
I started tracking my lifts tracking
your lift just means taking the time to
either use an app or a notebook where
you just write down how much weight you
lifted in a particular exercise how many
reps how many sets it seems quite simple
but this is an act of creating a
competition a challenge through yourself
through your former self so every week I
see the number and I'm essentially
competing with last week me I tried to
beat my previous high score and it's
actually way more exciting this way and
so you can convince your clients or
staff to compete with their former
selves that's the mentality I've been
using with my coaching clients I
constantly ask them to remember what
normal behavior was for their previous
younger selves just a few months ago so
they remember that a few months ago they
weren't even exercising at all and then
we compare that to now where they're
exercising three times a week I remind
them of the version of them from last
week saying that he hit three sessions
and I say can you beat your previous
version can you beat you from last week
and hit four sessions this week this is
one of the most influential men
totalities I've been Drilling in
challenge seems to ignite a fire inside
of us that actually gets us just moving
and taking action I think this might be
due to Evolution when you create a
challenger competition it's like your
fight-or-flight mode kicks in and wants
to fight for the resources that are
available with the reward of hard work
because now
someone else could win the reward of
hard work and we don't want that we want
as much resources and rewards as
possible this principle is actually the
basis of setting goals you set a goal
that's somewhat of a challenge and you
just keep reminding yourself the goal is
four workout sessions this week the goal
is to ride a thousand words in my book
we set these goals we constantly remind
ourselves because that is our challenge
the 22nd principle that we're covering
which is now the first principle of the
new chapter of being a leader is to
begin with praise and honest
appreciation Colony says that beginning
with praise it's like the dentist who
begins his work with novocaine the
patient still gets a drilling but the
novocaine is a pain killing he mentions
a branch manager who was a member of his
course who had successfully encouraged a
new trainee to increase their
performance in an area of the job that
they struggled with the trainee
struggled with balancing the cash draw
starting the conversation with praise
and this appreciation created a positive
friendly atmosphere and then the manager
suggested the improvements that the
trainee could make in the manager's
words once she realized I had confidence
in her she easily follows my suggestions
and soon mastered this function we have
had no problems with her since then we
want the best in the people that we want
to lead so it's normal to focus on the
things that they can improve on but
always bear in mind that the other
people would probably improve better if
we started on a positive note first but
do not implement this principle of
starting with praise and honest
appreciation until you also implement
the next principle too the second
principle of being a leader is to call
attention to people's mistakes
indirectly Carnegie says that many
people begin their criticism with a
sincere praise followed by the word but
and ending with a critical statement
we're really proud of you but if you had
worked a little harder your grades would
have been even better when someone hears
the word but after a praise they might
then question the sincerity of the
original praise he mentions Charles
Schwab who instead of calling a mistake
of his employees directly used a softer
approach his employees were smoking just
under a no smoking sign he could have
went up he could have been rude and
angry and told them can you not see the
sign his employees would have listened
to that they would have followed his
orders but they may have slightly
resented him and there's certainly a
better way to get adherents from people
instead of calling attention to their
mistakes directly as we're using his
examples a lot you can begin to realize
that this Charles Schwab guy is one of a
kind he walked over and handed each of
the employees a cigar and he said I'd
appreciate it boys if you could smoke
these outside subtle but effective they
knew what he meant they knew they had
broken a rule but the rule didn't even
come up but how could you not respect
someone who calls attention to your
mistakes like that I think we could all
learn a lot from his examples in this
book again I want to make it clear that
the easier routes would have been to
call attention to their mistakes
directly so far what we've learned a lot
through these 23 principles is that the
direct easy approach is often not the
great one to take just taking the time
to think about a softer approach seems
to lead to Greater adherence with
everything that we want Carnegie says
that you can easily overcome calling
attention to people's mistakes directly
by replacing the word but
to and we're really proud of you and if
you continue putting in great effort
we'll see your grades improve as well
I've been using this principle a lot
lately and I think it's a fantastic
fundamental principle to keep in mind if
you're someone who wants to see changes
in people as I've mentioned I've been
helping young men improve their physical
and mental health and one of the times
I've used this principle is when a
client of mine did three workout
sessions when his goal was four
previously I would have said well done
on hitting three workouts but your goal
was four so we're gonna make sure we
smash it next week it's not bad it's
still praising him but it's not as
effective as it could be now I say
something like well done on hitting
three workouts this week and next week
we're going to use the same tactics
we're going to get increased effort from
you and we're going to hit four workouts
do you think you can do that it's a
subtle difference but it seems to have
quite a big effect here's something that
I realized that I think if you're some
kind of leader or influencer or someone
who just wants to see change in someone
you may be able to take away I've been
thinking about keeping the idea of a
praise as pure by not contaminating a
Praise by straight away then telling
them something that they did wrong
praise them for what they did right and
let that just be a moment in itself and
then later on after a few minutes then
have the section about what they can
improve on implementing this principle
will have the people you're trying to
lead Crave Your Praises more everyone
loves getting praised but we often just
ruin it by calling attention to their
mistakes directly after the praise don't
do that and your compliments will
certainly leave a positive mark on
someone the third principle of being a
leader is to talk about your own
mistakes before criticizing the other
person Carnegie says admitting one's own
mistakes even when one hasn't corrected
them can help convince somebody to
change his behavior he mentions the
father who found out his teenage son had
started smoking he could have made
threats or warned his son but he took a
different approach he told his son about
the mistake he made starting smoking
himself the father had been smoking for
many years and he felt like his
addiction was impossible to stop up he
had an irritating cough he told all this
to his son admitting his own mistake
instead of criticizing his son's
Behavior his son stopped smoking himself
this is very similar to the previous
principle of calling attention to
people's mistakes indirectly but this
time we're just highlighting what
they're doing wrong by telling them an
example about ourselves if you're trying
to change someone start by telling them
what you did wrong in that situation and
how that experience was for you tell
them how you regretted your actions and
you just wish you had someone telling
you something like this there's a whole
lot of mistakes I made when I first got
into fitness and exercising I found that
when I bring up my mistake and tell them
oh I would I lost months of progress
because I did this thing they're way
more likely to listen to my idea and
take my advice than if I just tell them
wait don't do that because the other
person's more likely to listen to your
plead because admitting your own failure
is very admirable we always strive to
learn from other people's mistakes to
avoid what negative experiences they had
the fourth principle of being a leader
is to ask questions instead of giving
direct orders Carnegie says asking
questions not only makes an order more
palatable it often stimulates the
creativity of the person whom you ask he
mentions Ian McDonald a manager of a
manufacturing plant he received a very
large order which would be impossible to
complete now he could have gave orders
he could have increased the time of his
employees work but he didn't instead he
just asked his staff questions is there
anything we can do to handle this order
is there any way we can adjust our hours
or personal assignments to complete this
order the employees themselves came up
with the ideas and insisted that the
manager take the order asking questions
instead of giving direct orders put the
employees in a we can do it attitude
they accepted the order and got it
delivered on time if you give someone a
direct order it's actually quite risky
either one they'll accept the order
they'll do the task but then they'll
have some kind of resentment for you
because you've almost forced them to do
something oh 2 they will refuse and your
leadership has now been challenged a lot
of this book has told us that people
don't like to be told what to do and the
direct approach is often not the best
and so we know that taking a softer
touch is usually better Carnegie even
says people are more likely to accept an
order if they've had a part in the
decision that caused the order to be
issued for example let's say you're a
mother with a child who's misbehaving
and he doesn't want to put his shoes on
to go outside the mother could get
really angry put your shoes on right now
we have to go we're getting late
does that really work with kids
or the mother could ask the question
instead of focusing on the direct order
she could ask the question which pair of
your trainers do you want to wear which
pair of shoes do you want to wear today
the child is going to answer which pair
of trainers he wants to wear and now he
feels like he had a choice in the
decision he had A Creative Touch almost
and that probably means he's more likely
to follow what originally was in direct
order involve the people you're trying
to lead in the decision at the very
least just ask them something like do
you think we can do it implementing this
principle will change it from a you
verse them situation to a you plus them
versus the situation the fifth principle
of being a leader is to let the other
person save face Carnegie says even if
we are right and the other person is
definitely wrong we only destroy ego by
causing someone to lose face he mentions
two completely different leaders one was
a vice president who just lost his
temper and started arguing and shouting
and berating his supervisor that
supervisor designed and started working
at a competitors company and apparently
did a fine job there the other leader
was a marketing specialist boss when one
of his employees had made quite
significant errors this boss thanked her
for her efforts he said he had
confidence that the employee could
repeat the survey that they were doing
and that he had faith in that employee
that employee left that meeting with
their head up in the air determined to
not let that boss down again hurting a
man in his dignity is a crime and it's a
crime that just does not pay off if we
want to be effective leaders be careful
if you find yourself in a position of
power you may actually feel slightly
excited to not let the other person save
face to highlight their faults publicly
or to humiliate them for their mistakes
but none of this will improve your
leadership skills and it won't make
people more likely to respect you and
follow your command if it's adherence
that you're trying to get from your
staff or the people that you're trying
to change take the software approach and
let someone save face the sixth
principle of being a great leader is
phrase the slightest Improvement and to
praise every Improvement be hearty in
your approbation and lavish in your
praise Carnegie says I can look back at
my own life and see where a few words of
Praise have sharply changed my entire
future he mentions very well-known
psychologist BF Skinner Skinner showed
that minimizing criticism and increasing
praise resulted in more positive
behavior we know that operant
conditioning works on humans praising
someone acts as a form of positive
reinforcement that strengthens a
behavior which means that they're just
more likely to repeat that same behavior
so if an employee or client of yours put
in some great effort praise that effort
and they'll be more likely to continue
putting in the same effort because we
crave appreciation I think this is one
of the most powerful principles you can
effectively make someone act out a
certain Behavior with their soul
principle use it wisely and remember to
never give out any hostile criticism or
punishment we strengthen behaviors that
are praised and appreciate and we just
weaken behaviors which are ignored I've
been using this principle a lot recently
when my clients perform the vital
behaviors that get them to their goals
an extra tip I can give you is to make
your praise as specific and as special
as possible for example when I Want To
Praise my clients for completing the
week's gym goal of four sessions a week
I could just send them a few words on
the text and say Well done but I make it
a little bit more special by always
sending a voice note when they've done
great behavior that way they get to hear
my voice it feels more personal and the
praise is more special I highly
recommend doing a little bit more
research on operant conditioning because
if you want to see it Behavior change in
someone you should learn about positive
reinforcement it's a very powerful tool
probably the only tool of influencing a
behavior change in someone in a nice way
the seventh principle of being a leader
is to give the other person a fine
reputation to live up to Carnegie says
if you want to improve a person in a
certain respect act as though that
particular trait were already one of his
or her outstanding characteristics he
mentions how a primary school teacher
was able to change the behavior of one
of the most mischievous students in the
school she complimented him on his
traits as a natural leader and said that
she was going to depend on him on making
that class the best fourth grade class
in the entire school she gave the
student a fine reputation to live up to
and of course he lived up to her this
principle is like highlighting the best
version of somebody making it clear of
their potential what they could do and
setting that as their challenge so we're
bringing in the 21st principle of
throwing down a challenge as well
there's two ways that you can use this
principle to improve your leadership
skills one by making them aware of their
potential reputation describing it
realistically as something that they
could strive for or two setting yourself
as a fantastic example that then is
their reputation to live up to for
example I'm teaching young men how to
start exercising I know that I can teach
these things because I've got years of
experience but my influence as a leader
has increased tenfold over the last few
months because I've gotten myself into
the best shape of my life it sets a
fantastic reputation for other people to
strive for this gives you more
credibility as a leader to influence
change if it's a skill or a practice
that you've already mastered the eighth
principle of being a leader is to use
encouragement and make the fault seem
easy to correct Carnegie says and this
is probably my favorite paragraph in the
entire book
tell your child your spouse or your
employee that he or she is stupid or
dumb at a certain thing has no gift for
it and is doing it all wrong and you
have destroyed almost every incentive to
try to improve but use the opposite
technique be liberal with your
encouragement make the thing seem easy
to do let the other person know that you
have faith in his ability to do it and
that he has an undeveloped Flair for it
and then he will practice until the dawn
comes in the window in order to excel he
mentions a course instructor of his who
used encouragement and making faults
seem easy to correct which changed the
trajectory of his son's life his son had
a rough life he was in a car accident
when he was young and he had a massive
scar over his forehead he was behind by
two years in school he was in the
special classes for the slow Learners
and he struggled particularly with mats
so his father started teaching him maths
and made a big deal every single time
his son got an answer right they would
celebrate when his son had shown
improvements they showed him that
learning fun and it could be easier than
it was at school and soon enough that
teenager started bringing home
significantly improved grades and went
on to even improve in other classes his
reading improved rapidly he started
using his natural talents in drawing and
he actually got put onto the honor roll
multiple years in a row this principle
is all about drilling in a growth
mindset into the people we're trying to
influence we're making it so clear that
they have the realistic potential to
improve and all it requires is effort
but not that much effort we're not
making the behavior seem like a big deal
until they have done it and then we act
like it's a big deal and then we
celebrate implementing this principle
genuinely gives you the power as a
leader to change someone's life the
growth mindset empowers someone into
positive beliefs that really make them
feel that they can achieve anything with
enough effort any leader any influencer
any personal trainer or manager should
use this principle all the time the
ninth and final principle of being a
leader is to make the other person happy
about doing the things that you suggest
Carnegie mentions a course member of his
who improved his employees performance
by giving them a new responsibility and
job title they were now the supervisor
of price tag posting and they were asked
to keep all the shelves properly tagged
giving the other person a sense of
importance like we learned in the ninth
principle makes them feel happier or
more excited for what we want them to do
this principle is kind of like bribing
someone imagine bribing the police you
make that police officer do what you
want which is potentially getting away
with minor crime by giving him money
which makes him happy if you want
increased performance from the people
you're trying to lead make them happy to
do so think to yourself what's in it for
them right now this is actually a very
interesting point most of the behaviors
that we want to influence onto other
people are forms of delayed
classification like working hard or
going to the gym these activities do pay
off in the long run but right now they
are uncomfortable the beginners don't
really feel happy to be there in that
moment so to make them happy to do what
we want them to do we may have to offer
some kind of instant gratification
incentive so if you're a personal
trainer who's very close to your clients
you could offer to pick them up and
drive them to the gym with you this
makes it way more convenient for them to
do today's session if you're a teacher
reward great Behavior with some kind of
tree like letting the students leave the
room one or two minutes early so that
they can get ahead of the lunch or the
break line think and be creative of ways
to make the other person happy right in
this moment for them to carry out the
vital behaviors that you want them to
I'm grateful that you reached this far I
want to say again that this book has
positively impacted my life and if you
reach this far I'm guessing it's done
the same thing for you social skills are
ever more important and having the
ability to manage people to become a
leader to influence a behavior change in
someone or to make friends and
strengthen relationships in your family
is priceless give that gift to someone
else if you share this skillshare a
class to just one friend you may now
have someone to talk to who has
internalized these principles you would
have converted your friend into a great
empathetic listener and that would be
your benefit scroll down and click on
the share button right now if your
friend uses the link that you send them
they get 14 days off skillshare premium
for free and you get the 10 referral
bonus yes you get the referral bonus
even if you share someone else's class
so it's a win-win I hope you found some
great value in this class I really had
fun making this and going through these
principles once more consider going back
and re-watching your favorite principles
to remind yourself of what to focus on
in your next social interactions you can
keep coming back to this class to
strengthen your understanding of these
social principles finally please scroll
down and leave this skillshare class a
review maybe more people will be able to
find this and that means that more and
more people will learn these social
principles and one final thing
throughout these classes I've mentioned
my side project my my passion my purpose
is to help young men improve their
physical and mental health if that's
something that you're interested in it
most of the content I post is on YouTube
it's all completely free if you want to
improve your health you want to get fit
mentally and physically then my YouTube
link will be in the description and if
you're into self-improvement I think you
will like the content that I post take
care
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