Words That Get Results for Business Leaders

Summary

In this insightful discussion, expert Shelly Rose Charvet shares her unique perspective on the power of language to influence behavior and motivate people. Drawing from her extensive research in neurolinguistic programming, she unveils the different patterns of motivation and how understanding these patterns can help predict and influence behavior more effectively. Through practical examples and techniques like the 'suggestion model' and 'bad news formula,' Shelly provides actionable strategies for communicating in a way that resonates with people's motivations, whether they are inclined towards goals or problems. Her engaging approach offers valuable insights for leaders, salespeople, and anyone seeking to improve their ability to connect with and influence others.

Takeaways

• 😀 People are motivated differently - some are driven by achieving goals (towards), while others aim to avoid problems (away from).
• 🤝 When trying to influence or persuade others, using the same strategies that convince ourselves may not be effective for them.
• 👂 Listen for the language people use to understand if they are internally motivated (want to decide for themselves) or externally motivated (seek guidance from others).
• 🔑 Matching your language to the other person's motivational tendencies (towards/away, internal/external) can significantly increase your ability to influence them.
• 💭 Use the 'Suggestion Model' (make a suggestion, highlight what it solves/prevents, state the benefits, explain why it's easy) to provide feedback or suggestions effectively.
• ☹️ When delivering bad news or criticism, use the 'Bad News Formula' (state the bad news, then follow with three pieces of good news) to balance the negative with positives.
• 🌎 Different cultures and regions may respond differently to influence attempts based on their motivational tendencies and trust in authorities.
• 🗣️ Rather than trying to persuade others through information or directives, ask questions to understand their values, goals, and motivations.
• 🔄 Combine 'towards' and 'away from' motivations by visualizing both the desired outcome and the problem you want to avoid for sustained motivation.
• 📚 Shelley Rose Charvet's book 'Words That Change Minds' and the Libretta tool provide practical strategies for understanding and applying motivational language patterns.

Q & A

What is the main topic of this video script?

The main topic of the video script is about using words and language patterns to influence people's behavior and motivation. It discusses the principles and techniques developed by Shelly Rose Charvet to improve communication and influence.

What are the six main 'motivation triggers' discussed in the script?

The six main motivation triggers discussed are: 1) Toward - motivated by goals and desires, 2) Away From - motivated by avoiding problems or negatives, 3) Internal - making decisions for oneself, 4) External - relying on outside guidance or credibility, 5) Options - wanting multiple choices, and 6) Procedures - wanting clear steps or instructions.

Why is understanding these motivation triggers important for influencing people?

Understanding these motivation triggers is important because people have different motivations and respond better to language that aligns with their specific motivational patterns. Using the right language patterns can increase the chances of effectively influencing and persuading others.

What is the 'suggestion model' mentioned in the script?

The suggestion model is a four-step process for providing feedback or suggestions in a way that lowers resistance and makes it easier for people to hear and consider implementing the suggestion. The steps are: 1) Make the suggestion, 2) Explain what it prevents/solves, 3) State the benefits, and 4) Explain why it's easy.

What is the 'bad news formula' discussed in the script?

The bad news formula is a technique for delivering criticism or negative feedback in a way that balances it with positive information. The steps are: 1) Start with the bad news, 2) Use the word 'but', 3) Provide three pieces of good news or positive points.

How can understanding motivation triggers help in sales and marketing?

Understanding motivation triggers can help in sales and marketing by tailoring messaging and language to align with the specific motivations of potential customers. This can make marketing materials and sales pitches more effective and persuasive for different segments of the target audience.

What role does language play in venture capital funding for female entrepreneurs?

The script mentions a Harvard study that found investors tend to ask male founders questions about achieving goals and winning, while asking female founders questions about avoiding failure. This language focused on avoiding negatives rather than achieving positives may contribute to the disproportionately low venture capital funding received by female entrepreneurs.

How can the techniques discussed in the script be applied to government communication during the COVID-19 pandemic?

The script suggests that instead of using definitive statements or commands, governments could be more effective in influencing public behavior by understanding people's motivations and values around health and safety, and framing messaging in language that aligns with those motivations.

What advice does the script offer for dealing with difficult or stubborn people?

The advice offered is to first assess whether you truly want to work with that person. If so, try to identify their motivational patterns (likely internal and away from) and use language that aligns with those patterns, such as framing suggestions in terms of preventing problems or missed opportunities.

What are the three steps recommended in the script for improving the use of influential language in the next 30 days?

The three steps recommended are: 1) Look for motivational patterns in emails and communication, 2) Match your language to those patterns, and 3) Use the suggestion model and bad news formula in your communication.

Outlines

00:00

🎙️ Welcome and Introduction

This paragraph welcomes the audience to the show 'Unleashed' and introduces the guest, Shelly Rose Charvet, as an expert on influencing language. It provides background information about Shelly, her expertise, and her book 'Words That Change Minds'. The paragraph also mentions the show's sponsor Powered and encourages sharing the episode.

05:02

🧠 Understanding Motivation Triggers

This paragraph discusses the concept of motivation triggers and how people are motivated differently. It presents an example of advertising for rain boots, demonstrating how different phrasing can appeal to different motivations such as 'towards' a goal or 'away from' a problem. The paragraph explains the six motivation triggers: towards, away from, internal, external, options, and procedures.

10:02

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Personal Examples and Applications

This paragraph provides personal examples to illustrate the concepts of internal vs. external motivation and towards vs. away from motivation. It discusses how these patterns apply to different situations, such as parenting, teenagers, and customer-company relationships. The paragraph emphasizes the importance of understanding what motivates customers and addressing their specific needs.

15:02

🔎 Identifying Motivation Patterns

This paragraph offers tips on how to identify a person's motivation tendencies by observing their language and asking questions. It suggests starting with the assumption that everyone is internal, and then observing their responses to determine if they are internal or external, towards or away from motivated. The paragraph also introduces a tool called Libretta that can help identify these patterns in email communication.

20:03

🎯 Applying Motivation Triggers

This paragraph discusses how motivation triggers can vary depending on the situation or context, using examples such as planning a vacation or being a student. It emphasizes the importance of understanding a person's motivations in a given context and tailoring the approach accordingly. The paragraph also highlights the need for both 'away from' and 'towards' motivations for sustained motivation.

25:04

💡 Practical Advice for Influencing Behavior

This paragraph provides practical advice on how to influence people's behavior based on their motivation patterns. It discusses techniques for creating authentic urgency, addressing problems or goals, and using specific language to appeal to different motivations. The paragraph also introduces the 'Suggestion Model' as a framework for making suggestions effectively.

30:04

📝 The Suggestion Model and Bad News Formula

This paragraph outlines the Suggestion Model, a four-step framework for making suggestions in a way that reduces resistance. It also introduces the Bad News Formula, a technique for delivering negative feedback or criticism while balancing it with positive reinforcement. The paragraph includes examples and scenarios for applying these models.

35:05

🤝 Handling Difficult Situations and Feedback

This paragraph discusses strategies for handling difficult people or situations, as well as giving feedback effectively. It suggests assessing whether it's worth working with a difficult person, understanding their motivation patterns, and using appropriate language. The paragraph also covers the Bad News Formula in more detail, explaining how to deliver criticism while balancing it with positive reinforcement.

40:06

💼 Implications for Sales and Negotiations

This paragraph examines the implications of using motivation triggers and language patterns in sales and negotiation scenarios. It discusses how to respond to difficult requests or scope creep, as well as how to handle situations where a customer is hesitant or resistant. The paragraph emphasizes the importance of understanding the customer's motivations and using appropriate language to influence their decision-making.

45:07

🌍 Cultural and Regional Differences

This paragraph explores cultural and regional differences in how people respond to language and motivation triggers. It discusses observations from Shelly's experiences working in various countries, such as Sweden, Japan, France, and Germany. The paragraph highlights how different cultures and governments approach issues like COVID-19 restrictions and how language can be used more effectively in these contexts.

50:08

💉 Applying Motivation Triggers to COVID-19 Messaging

This paragraph focuses on the application of motivation triggers to the messaging around COVID-19 vaccines and precautions. It discusses the limitations of using definitive statements or command language, and the importance of understanding people's values and motivations. The paragraph suggests asking questions to uncover what is important to people and using language that aligns with their motivations, rather than trying to persuade or impose beliefs.

55:09

🔑 Key Takeaways and Next Steps

This final paragraph summarizes three key steps for the audience to apply the concepts of words that change minds in the next 30 days: 1) Identify motivation patterns in emails, 2) Match language to those patterns, and 3) Use the Suggestion Model and Bad News Formula. It also provides information on how to connect with Shelly and access her resources, such as her book and the Libretta tool. The paragraph concludes with an invitation to share the episode and stay connected with the show.

Keywords

💡Influence

The ability to shape or affect someone's behavior, choices or opinions. The video focuses on the art of influence and techniques for persuasion, such as understanding people's motivations and using language that resonates with them. For example, 'Shelly will share practical advice to help you predict and influence behavior to succeed.'

💡Motivation Triggers

Specific factors or language patterns that tap into someone's intrinsic motivations, either driving them towards a desired goal or away from an undesirable situation. The video discusses identifying these 'motivation triggers' like 'toward', 'away from', 'internal', 'external', etc. to craft persuasive messages. For instance, 'we are discussing words that change minds and how to identify the four main patterns of motivation.'

💡Language Patterns

Distinct ways of phrasing or framing information that can significantly impact how it is perceived and processed by the listener. The core premise is that people respond differently to varied language constructs aligned with their motivational orientation. An example is the discussion around advertisements using 'escape the winter' vs. 'go to the sun' language.

💡Internal/External

Whether an individual makes decisions primarily based on their own intrinsic thoughts and motivations (internal), or is more influenced by external input, credibility and guidance from others (external). Recognizing this tendency allows tailoring one's language accordingly, as seen in examples like 'some customers need to be guided and told what they need to do and others want to be asked.'

💡Toward/Away From

A dichotomy describing whether someone is motivated to achieve a desired goal or outcome ('toward'), or to prevent or move away from an undesirable problem or situation ('away from'). Examples include discussing customers motivated by gaining more space vs. being 'fed up with the dark', and using corresponding 'toward' or 'away from' language in marketing.

💡Suggestion Model

A four-step framework for providing constructive feedback or suggestions in a manner designed to minimize resistance and improve receptiveness. It involves: 1) Making a suggestive statement, 2) Highlighting what it would prevent/solve, 3) Stating the benefits, and 4) Explaining why it's easy to implement. This model is positioned as an alternative to criticism sandwiches.

💡Bad News Formula

A technique for delivering unfavorable information or feedback in a palatable manner by counterbalancing it with multiple positive points. It involves: 1) Stating the bad news upfront, 2) Using 'but' to contrast it, and 3) Providing three 'good news' statements to offset the negative. This formula aims to psychologically balance out the negative impact.

💡Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)

A practice focused on understanding the relationships between language patterns, behaviors and cognitive processes. NLP principles inform many of the techniques discussed, such as identifying and leveraging motivation triggers. The host notes her early training in 'Neuro-Linguistic Programming' laid the foundations for her work.

💡Context

The situational factors and circumstances surrounding a person's behavior, motivations and decisions. A key point made is that the same individual can exhibit different motivational patterns based on context, so techniques cannot be universally applied. For example, 'people are motivated differently in different situations' based on goals, problems, etc.

💡Empathy

The ability to understand and share the feelings, perspectives and motivations of others. Empathy is positioned as critical for effective influence, by allowing one to grasp where others are coming from and adjust language/tactics accordingly. For instance, 'we get that people are different than we are' and thinking from their psychological standpoint.

Highlights

People are motivated differently, and what works to convince ourselves may not work to persuade others.

People respond to different types of motivational language - toward goals, away from problems, internal decisions, external credibility, options, or procedures.

Testing different motivational language in ads can reveal untapped market segments that respond better to certain types of messaging.

To discover someone's motivations, ask what's important to them and why it's important - their response reveals if they are toward/away from or internal/external.

Use the 'suggestion model' to provide constructive feedback without triggering resistance - present the suggestion, what it prevents/avoids, the benefit, and why it's easy.

Use the 'bad news formula' to deliver criticism - state the bad news first, then say 'but' followed by three pieces of good news to balance it out.

Investors tend to ask male entrepreneurs about how they plan to win, but ask female entrepreneurs about how they will avoid failure, impacting funding chances.

Observe regional differences in how people respond to health guidance - some value sensibility, others resist being told what to do.

To influence behavior change, focus on understanding shared core values around health rather than trying to persuade through information.

Identify if emails discuss toward goals or away from problems, and if the sender is deciding internally or seeking external input.

Match your email language to the sender's motivational patterns to improve communication and responses.

Use the suggestion model and bad news formula regularly to provide feedback and criticisms effectively.

The book 'Words That Change Minds' provides guidance on applying these principles of motivational language.

The Libretta tool can automatically detect motivational patterns in emails and suggest response language.

Mastering motivational language allows you to wield influence ethically, like a 'good Jedi'.

Transcripts

people are different than we are and

that when you're trying to influence or

persuade another person

what generally happens is we use the

same strategy that we use to convince

ourselves of something to convince other

people but it doesn't always work

greetings everyone and welcome to

unleashed the fastest hour on the

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[Music]

i'm your host jeff tetz ceo of results

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an easier path to building your business

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show you how to dramatically improve

your results by perfecting the art of

execution to get more of what you want

from your business

we all know how difficult it can be to

connect with people and get your message

across

today we are discussing words that

change minds and how to identify the

four main patterns of motivation

shelly rose charvet will share practical

advice to help you predict and influence

behavior to succeed

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on with the episode

now our special guest today is my friend

shelly rose charvet

shelley is the founder of the institute

for influence and success strategies

consulting and training she's a

best-selling author and the

international expert on influencing

language researching and teaching for

over 35 years

her first book words that change minds

is an international bestseller available

in 15 languages and a forbes best

management book organizations in over 30

countries ask shelly to help them

increase their impact and influence she

started learning neuro-linguistic

programming in 1982 in paris after

immigrating there as a communication

trainer working in english and french in

international organizations such as ibm

and unesco shelly found using

neuro-linguistic programming could

unlock people's abilities to think and

communicate better as part of her

training she was introduced to roger

bailey's language and behavioral profile

better known as the lab profile

and it set her on a decades-long journey

of discovery and development of tools to

help people get their message across

shelley it's my distinct pleasure to

welcome you to unleashed

hello jeff nice to be here hello

everybody nice to be with you here uh

and where are you joining us from today

well i'm in berlin today um and actually

i'll be here for the next few weeks uh

it's uh now we're getting closer to the

end of covid i can actually go see

some of my clients which i've done over

the last couple weeks it was great to

see real human beings in person so yeah

absolutely well shelly i've got a bit of

a head start in our audience today we've

uh we've been working with you for quite

a while and i think i became aware of

you about a year and a half ago and uh

your topic uh and uh and your friendship

i think has literally uh changed my view

of the world and and how we conduct

business and how we build relationships

so i'm excited for you to share all the

things that you know

with uh with with our audience today

now before we start to dig into some of

the language of influence

i thought it would be fun to uh to talk

about your sort of secret passion and

your secret love of stand-up comedy you

talked about this thing so the sex life

of dragonflies

uh yes if anybody's interested in a

little piece of stand-up comedy as a

professional speaker trainer consultant

uh our canadian association of

professional speakers had a comedy night

one night and i just had to do it and

this

story was ripe for the telling so

if you have six minutes you can watch

sex life of dragonflies just go on

youtube and that's all you have to look

for and it is there

uh

it isn't

explicit just so you know

so shelley i and i and i i'm going to

check that out for sure now

influencing people's behavior seems like

a really interesting topic and perhaps a

very uh potentially a dangerous one too

i'm sure it's not the first time but

when i first came across your work and

started sort of digging into your book

and then having a chance to meet you and

and learn a little bit more deeply about

how to apply some of these tools

it kind of made me think about being a

jedi and and uh of course how obi-wan

kenobi can direct traffic by reading

minds and influence people's behavior

now are you telling me that if we use

your tools we can be as powerful as a

jedi

uh

yes you can and you can be a good jedi

or a bad jedi a tool is just a tool a

skill is just a skill the intention that

you

have behind why and how you use it is

also very important and i think that one

of the things most people kind of get is

that we kind of get that people are

different than we are and that when

you're trying to influence or persuade

another person

what generally happens is we use the

same strategy that we use to convince

ourselves of something to convince other

people but it doesn't always work and

the reason is they don't think like us

they don't get motivated like us and we

have an example if uh you want to share

the slide so we can show people exactly

what we mean

sure and if you're listening to the

podcast version of this you can see the

visual at the youtube channel so don't

forget to go there yeah so here's the

example i wanted to give let's imagine

everyone that's uh listening or watching

or watching later you're on the internet

and you're googling

because you need a pair of rain boots

and that's what you're looking for

you're actually buying a pair of rain

boots you want to get one online

the question is which of these ads do

you click on so tyler next please do you

click on keep your feet dry number one

number two avoid getting wet feet three

do you want to keep your feet dry

four got to keep your feet dry

number five

ways to keep your feet dry and number

six

how to keep your feet dry now everyone

in the chat

you need a pair of rain boots it's bob's

rain boots you're going to buy but which

ad would you click on everybody just

stick the number that appeals to you the

most keep your feet dry avoid getting

wet feet etc so in the chat let's have a

look at this

so big range so far awesome sixes

yeah

six and ones

okay very interesting notice that

there's a broad range here there's a

higher number for six and number one but

there's a pretty broad range of what

people are clicking on yeah hi tim i see

you there yeah

so what does this mean well what it

means is different language appeals to

different people and they think

differently about it so tyler if you can

click the next slide let's explain what

it is these are oh wait a second there

yeah these are motivation triggers and

the first one is called toward this is

when someone is motivated towards a goal

of some kind they want to get or have or

be something so in this case the ad was

the goal of keeping your feet dry and a

lot of people pick that one

and the next one we call

away from avoid getting wet feet now

this is when you want to move away from

a problem you want to prevent it or fix

it or solve it and the people who are

moving away from won't click on the

towards that and vice versa because the

language goes in the opposite direction

of movement that they're going in so

that's one of the pairs we're looking at

it's called direction of movement the

next pair we're looking at is where does

a person make a decision you'll see the

language here is you want to keep your

feet dry where we ask the person

what they want and they decide for

themselves and we call this motivation

trigger internal but of course not

everybody works that way

some people are looking for outside

information and guidance we call this

external and if you have credibility

credibility with someone and you tell

them they've got to do something

they believe you and they'll do it so if

the source is credible you can tell

people what to do got to keep your feet

dry now not so many people pick number

four you know when you look through we

got a couple people somebody with my

name pick number four but it's not

you'll see and part of the reason is

you have to be very careful with what we

call command language and this is where

a lot of people make a mistake they're

too enthusiastic or too definitive and

it can turn some people off particularly

if they're internal and the last pair of

all the motivation triggers you want to

look at are ways to keep your feet dry

this is for people who like alternatives

and we call this options they want to

have lots of choices but then there's

the people we have a lot of them here

who don't care about having lots of

different kinds of ruin boots they just

want to know how i can get my feet dry

i was very clearly

number three so

want to keep your want to keep your your

feet dry what does that sort of then say

about me

um so this is the context of rain boots

we don't know what it really says about

you because one of the things about

these motivation triggers is it's not

about your personality it's about what

motivates you in a given situation so in

your work for example jeff you may be

very internal which means you do not

want to be told what to do so if

somebody says do this or do that do you

have an example when that has happened

recently

well anytime someone is trying to take

ownership of my literally of my time so

if i get a meeting invite from somebody

and they haven't first checked to see if

i'm available or if some even if

somebody suggests uh that i should read

this book i'm probably less likely to

want to do it or if there's something i

should learn

as much as i value people i think i

value people's contributions and input

if i haven't

if i haven't uncovered the book or the

tool or the technique myself i

or or haven't explicitly said that i'm

available for a meeting it really annoys

and bothers me when people try to

consume my time or make assumptions

about what i should or shouldn't be

learning

yeah and that's very typical when we're

in internal mode and

teams make this mistake all the time

someone will be in a team meeting say

this issue is happening and then uh

somebody who's got a great idea will say

exactly the wrong words to get their

idea across they'll say oh i know what

we should do

well the word should is command language

and unless you have absolutely

impeccable credibility with everyone

around the table

should as a no as is a

no don't you tell me what to think or

what to do and the idea can get

dismissed but not because it's a bad

idea and my suggestion listen to my

language and i'm going to give you more

techniques as we go along my suggestion

would be to say

i have an idea about that can i run it

by you and see what you think it's it's

much better when you have people who are

in internal mode to offer them

information and invite them to decide so

jeff if i sent you an invitation and say

would you be available to discuss xyz

topic with me

what would be your reaction very

positive yeah very very positive and

and i think it if

if there's language in the meeting

invite that

that would be similar to what you said

that would even help right there as

opposed to just getting a meeting

request with no context other than i

need your time from three until four on

wednesday

yeah well you can't have it

so i mean the other thing that you that

the slides are reminding me of was was

children you know try to even and run

rain boots in particular try to tell a

kid to put on a

on on their mittens or a toque or or put

on a pair of rain boots and we know what

we're going to get they're going to do

the exact opposite do we grow out of

those like do we grow out of those

patterns because it feels to me like all

kids are wired that way

well as soon as they go into the

terrible twos that's the first phase of

high internal the first thing of course

they learned to say is no

and you know when i'm in the grocery

store and somebody else's kid is having

a fit i go by i'm so happy i'm so happy

because it's not me right

and now two things are happening this

child is deciding wanting to decide for

themselves but the parents go external

and they're sure that people are not

happy with how they're handling their

toddler having a having a fit in the

grocery store so that's the first phase

and of course parents get the idea the

toddler wants to make decisions and

that's the essential

nature of the internal mode i want to

make my own decisions don't tell me what

to do so you can offer a toddler choices

and of course that'll work until it

doesn't work would you like your story

before or after your bath that gives

them an opportunity to make a decision

and then of course the second big phase

of internal between parents and children

is teenager hood

and this is more complicated because

teenagers become very internal don't you

tell me what to do and yeah you want the

my room cleaned i don't think so and at

the same time they're incredibly

sensitive or external to what their

friends say and this is why social media

has been deemed so harmful for teenagers

because if anybody gangs up on someone

they just feel awful because they're in

very external mode it's they care about

what other people think and other people

have the power then to hurt them so

that's also a challenge for parents uh

today but it's the same thing between

customers and companies that provide

services

some customers need to be guided and

told what what they need to do and

others want to be asked and and you need

to know the difference who needs what as

you're talking to prospective and actual

customers well and i tip my hand right

so i think you know you and i know each

other

we've actually done some of this work

together so i've told you basically i

can be an internal for a lot of things

if you don't know somebody this way and

someone wouldn't even know how to

describe themselves so

how do we start to tell what

tendency a person might have

so there's a very easy way to do this

imagine everyone is internal to you so

imagine i need to establish credibility

with you and i need to offer and invite

and suggest and not tell

you know there's a joke in canada uh

royal bank of canada their slogan

everybody remembers the slogan we became

the biggest bank

in canada one customer at a time and

then rick mercer did a whole riff on

that he said we became the biggest bank

in canada one service charge at a time

you know don't tell me we're the biggest

bank in canada you know so

even in advertising people don't want to

be told what to think or what to do

but if you offer a suggestion and invite

people to decide imagine everyone's

external and you give them a suggestion

and invite them to decide what do you

think about that does that sound like it

would fit for you and if the person

turns to you goes i'm not sure what do

you think then you know they're external

to you and they actually want guidance

from you but if they go oh yeah let me

think about it they're internal and

they'll think about it so the fail-safe

is imagine everyone

needs the language of suggestion and

invitation and not command language or

too much enthusiasm

etc and then the person will show you

yeah and so

a person has to be very deliberate then

about practicing this thing though so

how do you suggest to the person like

what what are the first few steps that

someone that wants to start getting good

at using the language of influence what

should they do

well and this is

if there's a learning curve

i've just given you hints about how to

observe internal and external and what

to look for and then how to change how

you speak

there's also a number of questions you

can ask so let's imagine i'm talking to

a prospective customer and i want to

know if they're internal or external

with regards to me as a person

and we're talking about their needs

i can find out what's important to them

by saying well what do you want to

achieve here

what's important to you and then they'll

give me

some idea of that and then the next

question to find out internal and

external is well how would you know that

we've done a good job for you

how would you know that we've done a

good job for you now someone who's

internal will say well you know we'll

see it i'll know when it's done right

and they may even tell you how but

someone is more external will talk about

external evidence so they'll say for

example well we'll have good feedback

from our customers

my team will be happy and they'll tell

me so the evidence comes from the

outside for external and they decide and

they may even point to themselves they

decide if it's internal and that can

give you an indication so that's what i

talk about in the book is the procedure

is you ask a question listen to the

answer and then you have uh the language

uh that you need to use

shelly does it change

during the sales process because it

occurs to me that

to get somebody to pay attention to your

company and in the first place might

take a different language and a

different

motivation than when they're getting

close to making a purchasing decision

yes and um

that's absolutely true particularly if

there's a lot of steps to go through to

make a decision if it's uh i need it

don't need it

quick decision that may not be the case

but when somebody's actually going

through a process they may start uh the

process remember we just talked about

away from and toward they may start

looking for a solution because they

suddenly realize there's a problem so

they're very away from they go oh no we

can't put up with this any longer i

gotta find a solution and they're

looking around and uh

they're moving away from the problem

or someone may find uh may decide they

want something at the beginning like at

the beginning of looking for something

because they have a goal and i have an

example of this in the

small business in the construction area

one of my neighbors who have coffee with

when i'm home at tim hortons in the

morning there's a bunch of us that get

together now we can get together again

fortunately and um

he is an engineer and he designs and

then uh subcontracts to builders uh sun

rooms and i asked him one day because he

told me he got his business by uh google

ads and i said well

can you show me your google ads i'm

curious to see what language you use and

all of his language was toward in his

google ads you want more light in your

in your home do you want more space do

you want more this more that's all about

what you can get and have and i said to

him you know

i don't know if this is true for your

prospective customers your ideal

customers but maybe some of them don't

want more light maybe some of them are

fed up with the dark now that may sound

like we're saying the same thing

but we're not really because some people

are only motivated when there's a

problem and they can't stand it anymore

like i only clean up my desk when i

can't see anything and i can't find

anything i don't clean it up in order to

be tidy i clean it up in order to get

rid of the mess

so we did an experiment and i wrote some

of the ads for them and we did an

experiment and placed all the ads at the

same time some people had equal

opportunity to click on both ads and i

was did you know fed up with the dark or

you don't have enough space in your

house

and they played both sets of ads and

what was interesting and this is not the

case for everybody you kind of have to

do the research what was interesting is

that the clicks were almost half and

half which means

up until that point he was probably

missing close to 50

of interested prospects who at least

wanted to go to the next step and find

out more

that is powerful

so beta testing would be one strategy to

try to figure out if you are missing

part of the market because i i think the

default quite often shelly is if we want

to figure out why our customers buy from

us we go and ask our customers but that

only tells us part of the

part of the picture so

so i can see how just surveying your

customers wouldn't be the most the most

the most effective strategy necessarily

are there some other ways to find out if

you might be missing out missing out on

a segment of the population because your

messaging is not connecting with

everyone well if you do have some kind

of outbound campaign or a social media

campaign you can test these kinds of

language the first thing is you need to

you you need to learn it what's the

difference between toward language in a

way and language for internals or

externals and some of the other

motivation triggers but because you can

do testing on the internet it means it's

incredibly powerful and quick you just

have to make sure you are

differentiating in the language like for

example um who are your best customers

the people that are highly internal and

they won't take recommendations they

just want what they want well maybe

you'd like your customers to be a bit

more external to you well you can call

them or maybe you can figure out is that

correct or is that not correct with them

and there's a number of different

patterns that we can

that you can try out and see which works

the best

shelly do you have some tips for

testing that you've even got the

language right so i i could totally see

because i do this myself actually um

i will i'll put some information out on

social media for example and i think

that i've got

one post that's that's away from and one

that's towards

but i'm not always confident i've got

the language right to properly test if i

if i'm doing it correctly so are there

some tips that you might have

to ensure that you're you're on the

right path when it comes to using the

right language

yes so away from language is all about

what you don't want uh you don't want to

have a long sales cycle or are you tired

of doing the same thing over and over

again when you know it could be

automated so things that's things you

want to get away from and toward is what

they want to have so let's say you're

selling automation i'm just making this

up automation can make your life easier

and all your processes run smoother and

enable you to scale so you talk about

the benefits

or the problems you want to get away

from and solve does that help yeah that

helps a lot and and i think there's

probably some experimentation that is

required in

that messaging as well

because you need to get the right thing

like you need to be talking about the

thing that matters to them that's right

which is another reason to

to stay really close to your customers

and really own the voice of the

customers that you you currently have

because you should be a lot more aware

of what the problems they had when they

started working with you and

how well you've solved them so um so

that's important there now there's

another piece to this that i find really

curious too and it's that

we don't stay the same for all things so

a person may be internal for one

activity

and they may be external for another

they may be toward

and away depending on what the activity

is can you talk about

that dynamic a little bit and then maybe

you know maybe some other person

yeah there are personality tests that

say you are this and you are that and in

my experience most people who do these

personality tests go oh yeah okay but i

don't always do that do i and

i prefer to think about how we motivate

ourselves and how we think and and

what's going to get us to act is very

contextual like so let's just take to

warden away from

you know um uh

uh why did you take your last vacation

was it because you wanted to get away

and get a break well that's an away from

vacation or what or did you want to go

to the beach and do scuba diving that's

a toward vacation and if you're in

family it might be a good idea just a

suggestion because i wouldn't tell you

what to do to discuss what the purpose

of the vacation is is it a getaway or is

it a go-to so that would be one example

um another example

if everybody winds the clock back to

when you were a student or when you were

learning your trade uh you know there's

two kinds of students there's one kind

of student that has to get uh uh

something ready has to hand in an

assignment for january 21st and on

january 11th they've done a plan january

15th they've done all the research

january 18th they've

done a first draft and they hand it in

and not very many people have the goal

in mind or to ward about it most of them

wait to the last minute and the threat

of missing the deadline and they just

stay up all night for two nights and do

they do the

assignment now most people when they

were students were that away from

motivated by a threat

kind of student so as parents

well i'm picturing now i'm picturing

these cold canadian winters and why all

the travel companies are predominantly i

think in their advertisements saying

escape the cold winter so that's very

intentional and

a big deal it is absolutely and i think

sometimes they make a mistake they talk

about going to the sun i think they

would get a better click rate in a

country like canada they said

do you want to avoid the cold this

winter

yeah well that's for sure i don't have

to stay here

see and that's interesting because

if you were to if you were to ask me

which advertisement is more prevalent i

would say that most companies are

advertising escape the winter but your

take on it is a little bit different so

does that mean that we actually grab we

we probably only pay attention to the

messages that gravitate with us so

there's a bit of confirmation bias

probably too in a way in the way that we

view the world depending on which

motivational tendencies we uh we have

well there is until now and now all of

you are going to be aware of oh is there

canada sending uh

go to the sun or escape the winter kind

of things i think we're all going to be

aware of and and when you look at

posters and when you watch commercials

are they showing you how to get rid of a

problem or are they showing you how to

get some kind of benefit or advantage

now

in your companies and this has been um

this may or may not be true for any

particular industry but it's something

to think about in the sales function one

of the reasons why people learn to find

out what the issues for the clients are

is something that's urgent and has to be

fixed

now

gets a much quicker decision than a goal

that's merely important so i mean think

about it when we open our emails we

answer the emergencies first we don't do

the things that are going to move us

ahead first and it's a it's a natural

tendency and it may or not may not be

true for each uh

profession each industry so it'd be

interesting to figure out

what makes your customers buy in the end

are they trying to fix a problem or are

they trying to gain get or have an

investment that gives a return that's

more of a toward kind of thing right so

if somebody doesn't realize they have a

problem or it's not a very urgent one

what are some ways that you can start to

get their attention then

right and well so one of the things you

can do is ask a pair of questions so uh

so

uh what is it you want uh what's

important to you and then the question

that finds out whether someone is moving

toward or away from is why is that

important to you now

and if you say well we're trying to grow

and we need to have these systems in

place that's a toward answer or they may

say uh we're trying to grow and if we

don't get these systems in place now uh

we'll be completely swamped and then you

can say so you want to make sure you

don't get swamped as you grow so you go

to their bus stop and talk in a way from

language so the question is what do you

want or what's important to you and why

is that important to you now and they'll

tell you whether they're moving toward

or trying to get rid of a problem

and that just feels like massive

opportunity to grow your business shall

we be because and i'm going to make a

bit of a general statement right now

that

in a lot of companies

we're closing the business where the

customers have an urgent problem it's

painful they know it's there but if you

could get better at attracting people

that don't necessarily know they have a

problem yet and creating

authentic urgency but

a long ways in advance of when they

might normally feel it

i just think about all the untapped

potential that could be out there to

grow your business

well and absolutely and you can go even

go a little bit further and say well if

you don't have these systems in place um

uh what's the danger in that what's the

risk in that and and people will tell

you that and you can say well how big a

risk is it

right is it something that doesn't

matter or is this something that is

going to be really problematic if you

don't prevent this problem from

happening and you can hear i'm using all

this away from language to see if there

is a problem they want to make move away

from

uh and and we do this in our own lives

we have goals to do something but we

don't follow through because they're not

urgent they're not screaming at us this

morning and then we feel bad because

we're not moving towards our goals well

sometimes the thing that's going to make

us jump into action is a problem can i

do a personal example

absolutely

okay shelley wakes up one morning gets

stressed looks in the mirror and goes oh

my god my jeans have shrunk

well that's an emergency i can't get in

my clothes so

that's why every january people are

joining the gym it's because they can't

get into their jeans which have shrunk

and so

away from is a good thing to get you

started but it's not great to keep you

motivated so if you have a long-term

personal development goal or a long-term

project maybe the away from gets you

motivated to start but then you also

need to have some toward so you know

when you lose a couple pounds you're not

that motivated anymore right so have a

toward goal that you really want to

reach

and the research shows and this is very

interesting and this was done by a

friend of mine who worked for nicoderm

you know the patch people

they found out the difference between

people who try to quit smoking and

people who succeed

well the triers they talk to themselves

in a way from language i shouldn't smoke

i should give this up it's not good for

me

whereas the people who actually succeed

at smoking

do it a little differently in their head

for one thing they have an image in

their head of what they don't want which

would be you know black lungs unhealthy

when they look at that

and that pushes them away and but they

also have an image of what they want to

go toward which is themselves looking

happy and healthy and doing all the

things they want to do and and seeing

their children get married and their

grandchildren etc so they get push

motivation and pull motivation and the

big difference seems to be having both

motivations

this is a way for anybody to be more

effective like have a good start and a

good reason to keep going

and it's also

a great way to listen to your clients

and what they need if they're constantly

moving away from they need a goal as

well because you can't just keep moving

away from right you got to end up moving

towards something right yeah well that's

the relationship that we have uh with

our doctor right so we'll we really only

go to the doctor if uh if we're if we're

not feeling well and so that's a

different motivator as opposed to when

we're when we're healthy same same thing

for your right like fitness routines and

i and i think of that actually

personally because

the reason that i keep going to the gym

even though most of the time i would

prefer not to is i think about when i'm

85 years old and the kind of life i want

to be living if i'm fortunate

to to live to that age so that is the

reason i go to the word language there

right yeah absolutely so i can i can see

i can see how that plays uh that that

plays a big role in sticking with

something so that's can you imagine

going to your doctor and your doctor

says what are your goals for your health

that hardly ever happens they go okay

tell me what's wrong right and i mean if

you can get to see a doctor these days

yeah

so what should they be asking that

question

that would be a very interesting thing

to find out what people's goals for

their health would it would probably

mean the conversation would be very

different

shelly the other thing that

most leaders are dealing with on a

constant basis is giving and receiving

feedback

what are the implications for using your

models for feedback yeah um

that's such an important function and so

many people are uncomfortable with that

and in fact um

as leaders we really need to be doing a

lot of this but we hate doing it because

we've learned techniques

that make people feel bad i mean most

people have been trained to use the

feedback sandwich and you know what that

is it's say something nice and stick in

the criticism or the thing they need to

improve and then say something nice and

here's what happens we've all been

programmed now as a result of this to

duck compliments because

as soon as someone says something nice

to you especially your boss you go okay

okay okay tell me what i did wrong and

we don't hear the compliment and my i

have a couple of suggestions one is if

you have a compliment and you want to

give positive feedback

you phone them up leave them a message

when they're not going to be there tell

them what they did right and the

positive consequence and hang up say

goodbye if you stay on the phone or talk

to them they're going to dismiss what

you just said and wait for the criticism

because they've been trained in the

feedback sandwich

if you have a suggestion for someone to

make my suggestion is to use what i call

the suggestion model and that's when you

think okay i have something that i want

them to do differently so there's four

steps in the suggestion model can i just

go over them

absolutely and um maybe nicole can you

type them in the chat so everybody can

see them so step number one

make a suggestion in the language of

suggestion i have a suggestion for you

that i'd like to run by you

okay so if you put uh

number one make a suggestion number two

say what the suggestion would prevent

avoid or solve

so number two what would the that's away

from language number two what would the

suggestion prevent avoid or solve

number three what is the benefit what

would be achieved

by the suggestion and step number four

and everybody just cut and paste this if

you if you want to keep it number four

is why it's easy so let me do a demo for

you so number three is the benefit of

what will be achieved and number four is

why it's easy

so

i suggest that you may wish to consider

using this suggestion model when you

want to get somebody to improve

something

because this way it lowers their

resistance and it doesn't make them feel

bad and it's easier for them to hear and

think about how to put it into practice

and it's a very simple four-step model

yeah

that is really helpful and and it you

know the other thing i like about the

model shelly

is it forces a person to put a little

bit more thought into the conversation

so when you've got feedback for somebody

you don't rush into it you don't do it

when you might be emotionally charged

and the other piece is giving you

confidence to actually have that

conversation

with a better probability of a positive

outcome because it's one of the reasons

that we we avoid giving people feedback

like the plague is we we imagine the

worst possible outcome

and it doesn't usually take place so

your model should give people confidence

that they're doing it right right and

then you'll be honest a couple of things

you only need to figure out what do you

want them to do differently

um tim you said she asked the person can

i make a suggestion first because that's

great or you say i have a suggestion for

you do you want to hear it um you want

to make them curious

and if you want to talk to them we know

that nobody ever answers their phone

anymore i don't know why we still call

them phones i think the last thing we do

with those things in our hand is phone

people

yeah

get them to call you say yeah i was

thinking about something that could be

of help to you give me a call well who's

not going to call

right

yeah and then you can use the suggestion

model now

what if you have something bad to say to

somebody that they're screwing something

up and you want them to stop so it's not

about making a suggestion it's making a

critique

well one never do it in combination with

a compliment because that doesn't get

the message across it just makes them

feel bad

right and i have a formula called the

bad news formula and again nicole if you

can just write this title and i'll give

you the steps

uh bad news formula and again

why am i calling it the bad news formula

well

this is useful anytime you want to tell

somebody something that they probably

don't want to hear

so you start with the bad news so step

number one is bad news

okay then you say the word but so step

number one is start with the bad news

then but and then step number two

use and then but that's right step

number three you good news and

good news and good news so you've got

three pieces of good news so step number

three is good news and good news and

good news

so

bad news

but three pieces of good news now of

course the first objection is what if

you have no good news well of course

you know what i'm going to say you have

to find some good news

and the idea is here that you tell them

right up front what's not going well but

you use that word but

and but makes whatever comes next bigger

in their mind's eye so it kind of

balances and the research shows if

somebody gets a piece of bad news but

then as the equivalent in good news in

three pieces of good news it kind of

balances out

now some people worry well aren't you

just drowning the piece of information

you want to get them with all this fluff

later well i suggest you try it out and

i want to tell about when somebody used

it on me

i was hired by a software company that

was originally started in new zealand

and their new headquarters was

california and they had me go around the

world to help them manage customer

expectations because this company kept

they were a fleet management software

company they kept buying companies and

then as they were trying to merge them

their ability to meet some of their

customers demands was very wobbly for

quite a while and one of the things i

taught them was the bad news formula and

i went around did all the places we

actually had a vacation in new zealand

because i think we should mix business

and pleasure and uh so we came back and

three months later they had not paid my

bill so i sent a little message to

george and payables and i said hey

george i haven't received my check yet

and george wrote me back and he said

dear shelly i know you haven't been paid

yet but i'm seeing the vpk of finance

this week and i'm going to put your bill

in front of them and i can let you know

as soon as i've done that so you'll know

when you get paid so i'm alone in my

office and i go oh okay

wait a minute so i wrote him i taught

you how to do that that's right

and he sent me back a smiley so i mean

i'm the queen of this stuff and it works

right

yeah and i'm going to i'm going to tip

my uh my hand here a little bit but i

use this formula

constantly constantly

and some of the some of the ways that it

shows up in business a lot is if

somebody asks for a price increase for

an example or somebody asks for you to

deliver something that would be

counterproductive

and the thing i like about the formula

is the good news does not necessarily

mean good outcome

it just means a positive step in the

right direction that example you just

used is a good illustration of that and

i shelly i don't know if you picked up

on it or not but i tried to use this

formula with you yesterday when we were

going back and forth about whether or

not we could show your slides in a live

show so did that come out

because did i butcher it no i did okay

yeah

good for you jeff if you were very

subtle because i didn't even notice yeah

but in sales think about this you know

the customer asks for something that you

can't give you know we call this scope

creep in uh in some fields where they

you know you agreed on this and now they

want this but they are not talking about

paying you more you can say i can't do

this for the same amount that we'd

agreed to do the first thing but what i

can do is this and i can do that and i

can do that what do you think and again

at the end ask what they think

and uh that can be an extremely powerful

thing and i use the bad news formula

several times a day yeah

yeah

what about selling to difficult people

because

i think anybody that is in

in a sales profession or or has to

influence people to make a buying

decision you get to a point where you

just know you could help somebody but

for one reason or another you just can't

connect with that person or they're just

really stubborn or difficult

yeah yeah well so question number one is

do you really want to work with this

person fair question

fair question but let's imagine you do

and um

you can kind of guess what patterns

they're running they're probably in a

very internal mode and very away from so

they notice all the things they don't

like about what your offer is now i had

a client like this and as a consultant

as a consultant

who uh kept saying he wants to go ahead

and have me do this research for them

and help me do this consulting piece but

he never seemed to get over the

threshold and i realized that he was

internal and away from

and he needed me to speak in that

language so i said to him you know

i i hear what you're saying that you

you'd like to go ahead but there's uh

there doesn't seem to be a good time and

then i really use some away from

language i said it would be a shame if

you wanted this done and it wasn't still

done you know like a year from now

simply because

there was never what seemed to be the

right time

and that's all i said

as an internal he thought about it i

only offered it as as grist for his mill

and he said you know what it would be a

shame that would be terrible if we were

just in the same place as we are now

when we could have done this

and he

went ahead

now i'm not suggesting this is a miracle

cure but if we begin to offer people

what they need in the in the language

they need it it makes it easier for them

to make a decision oh it makes it easier

or

it's not so hard for them to make a

decision

right now i have a tool that people

might be interested in it's available

for email and it's available in windows

and

i can if you go to

libretta.com

this tool identifies those six patterns

towards and away from internal and

external options and procedures in email

and coaches you

on how to reply and it even gives you

feedback on your reply so let me just

type that in and you can it's a

subscription i think it's nine dollars a

month or something like this libretta is

the name of the tool and it's got two

u.s patents on it and it automatically

uh shows you how to decode these

patterns in email

yeah and then it'll make it it'll make

it automatic after a while too which is

great

now you the suggestion model i think is

really helpful shelley

but it occurs to me that you would use

that in probably less intense scenarios

if there are more heated

conflicts that might even in the

workplace let's use that as an example

does the suggestion model still apply or

or is there stronger language or some

different techniques that you would

advise people use well for i think the

first suggestion if it's a very

emotional situation or whether there's

anger involved is that not a lot gets

solved when people are angry and i think

we all know that in our hearts and we

know that in our guts

and so you first need to calm down the

second step would be

to figure out what is important to you

what do you want because when you're

angry you're just angry but somewhere

behind that anger if you listen to it

and and ask yourself these questions

like what is important to me here you'll

begin to get some clarity and when you

figure out what's important

it helps you make decisions about what

you want to do and so i think there's

the piece of internal work when there's

a lot of emotion involved or a lot of

frustration

and that's okay let me go away let me

calm down a bit and let me connect with

myself and figure out like what is this

frustration or this anger telling me

about what i really want need want to

avoid or what's important what lessons

do i need to learn here and i think the

internal piece helps guide what you're

going to actually say to a person

yeah i agree

there's there's bigger con um i think

consequences to the language that we're

using is as well shelly and these are

just huge blind spots that you're

uncovering for us today

there's a really interesting example in

your book that you talk about and it's

it's the statistic that at least at the

time of publishing 38 of startups are

led by female entrepreneurs

but they only receive

two percent of the venture capital and

you make the assertion it's because of

language can you elaborate

yes this is a study done at harvard

university it's very very interesting

and they paid attention

to uh the kind of questions that

investors were asking founders of

companies

and the the questions they tended to ask

men

were how do you uh how do you plan on

meeting your goals how do you plan at

winning in this space the questions they

tended to ask women were more about how

do you avoid failure and now with our

toward away from ears with our our

button on that we can hear

we can hear that the they were asking

men more about how you plan to win and

they were focusing on failure and

avoiding failure with the women well

it's not very inspiring to invest

money in a person who's just told you

how they'll avoid failure

and so what i would recommend is that if

somebody asks you uh how are you going

to avoid failure if you're doing a pitch

for money is that answer that question

well we've got plan a b c in in plat in

place to make sure that doesn't happen

and then switch to toward our goal is to

do x and here is how our plan this is

our plan on how we're going to get here

and that means the company is likely to

get these kind of returns and do this

kind of thing you need to be able to be

aware of it and turn it around if the

person is

uh

and that can really help the women

get more investment because and of

course it doesn't solve the problem of

unconscious bias and conscious bias

which means i'm not giving my money to

you because you're a gal

that's not going to solve that problem

yeah

but at least it'll make

at least somewhat of an impact and

most progress i think is is good

progress in the long haul anyways

this must be a fascinating time for you

to be observing the world shelly and

you have a really unique perspective

because you literally have been

traveling the globe during the pandemic

living overseas being in canada a little

bit and going into quarantine well for

sure

for sure

so you must be and have a lot of

opinions about what governments and

health officials are doing right and

what they're doing wrong and i i wonder

if you've got some maybe some broad

observations that you you want to share

with with

what officials are doing right and wrong

yeah thank you for that opportunity jeff

you know we've got a lot of polarization

in canada as well as uh in other

countries where people are very attached

to their point of view and then they

also want to persuade other people of

their point of view uh the government

wants to get people vaccinated and wants

them to to be careful and take

precautions in the area of kobed but the

big mistake they're making is that

information changes people's minds

well if information changed people's

minds we'd all be doing something

different you know so uh when people

hear very definitive statements or

command statements a lot of people

just go well don't tell me what to do it

kind of makes them a bit more internal

and they don't want to be told what to

do which is interesting since all of our

lives government tells us what to do

stop at the red traffic light get your

vaccinations before you go to school you

know blow your nose when you have a cold

i mean it's like we're always being told

what to do but suddenly and that's

because of a number of political things

that have happened we're going no

a number of people don't trust big

pharma so they're very hesitant to take

this vaccine and information doesn't

help

but what does help if you get people to

talk about what's important to them so

vaxxer vaxxers trying to persuade

anti-vaxxers find it very frustrating

and the anti-vaxxers think that we're a

bunch of naive people that just don't

get all the conspiracies that are you

know they're just trying to control us

here and and all those sorts of things

but when you back up

you can see the whole debate about

vaccine and not boxing is between people

who are worried

away from or care about towards their

health

and other people's health and i think if

you go to persuade somebody chances are

you're just going to do something that's

going to make them

more resolved to hang on to their

opinion but if you go and ask them

if you're willing to have that

conversation well what's important to

you about your health in the area in the

uh era of covid you'll find out their

values you'll find out their criteria

and then you can play that back to them

so you want to make sure that you're

protecting your family and you're not

being put upon by government and that

you're not having things imposed on you

that may be bad for you well put that in

one hand and make sure is there anything

else

in the other hand you can say well

what's important to me is that i protect

my grandparents and that i make sure

that we're doing whatever we can so that

the the amount of number of people who

get this disease is lower and you'll see

there's a different set of values but

together we're both concerned about

health

right and if i stop trying to be

persuading people that i'm right i can

actually have a much better conversation

have you seen regional differences so

are people in canada motivated by

different things and perhaps you know

people

people in various countries in europe

yes um i did my first two in-person

engagements over the last few weeks and

oh it was so wonderful to see people um

my i did a three-day workshop in

stockholm

and at the beginning of kovid uh you

know people were very critical of what

uh sweden was doing because they weren't

imposing rules but swedish culture

is like a very sensible kind of culture

people

in some ways like canadians are have a

reputation of they do what they're told

but they do it in a very kind of quiet

okay that makes sense you know um

and the government never imposed rules

because it's just not how they function

there there was there was no you must

you cannot so they would have

recommendations i also work in japan

i've been working uh from hamilton in

september in japan which was a 13-hour

time difference i don't i don't want to

do that again uh i have part two of this

course and i'm actually gonna go to

thailand to do it so i'm gonna get some

warm weather and a beach uh to work in

japan because we still can't go there in

japan

they also

didn't set any firm guidelines and i

think now they're really kind of

regretting it because there's been

surges and uh they're trying to get a

handle on that uh it's hard to tell

people what to do in france you know i

went to paris last week and did a

seminar there and i said are you testing

people like in stockholm uh they've

gotten rid of all the measures but at

the beginning of the seminar everybody

had to say if they were uh if they were

backs if they weren't they had to have a

test on the first day well in paris

you'd never get away with that so uh

people uh

they don't uh ask that we just had to

follow the uh covered um

measures with masking and social

distancing in the classroom and uh then

people

but you couldn't actually ask anybody

their status whereas if you go to a

restaurant in paris very much like in

canada now and depending on what

province you're in um you have to show

proof of vaccinations so in a restaurant

parish you have to show that but

you know there's a lot of people

resisting it so it's so it's very

different in different pace yeah it's

been fascinating to watch i you know and

i think i think it was denmark i saw a

study out of denmark a couple of weeks

ago and it just painted such a different

picture where

that country and the government there's

a lot of trust in government in some of

those countries like denmark that's

right

the impact that trust and government has

and

it's been unfortunate that so often

government just gets in their own way so

distrust

distrust of government is high as it is

but there's just been so many missteps

and mistakes that i don't think uh that

i don't think had to occur like we we

have enough information that that we

could we could speak in language that uh

that encourages people to behave in such

a way that we're more in this together

than looking out for our for our own uh

for our own selves that's right and i

think we need to talk to our political

parties as well i mean uh i think it's

more important for the country to come

together when there's an emergency like

this and playing political games and and

uh

some people may not agree with me but

some things we really do need to take

care of uh in germany if the cases are

going way up right now um they're in the

point of negotiating they just had an

election uh

right near when we had the last canadian

election and they're in the process of

negotiating a coalition government and

they

hopefully their negotiations don't take

as long as last time last time it took

six months before our government was put

together so somebody's got to put the

interests of the whole country ahead of

their own political ambitions right yeah

for sure and the longevity has

implications for sure you know

short-term emergencies everybody's

helping each other but the longer it

goes on the the the more divergent

behavior and motivation gets for sure so

shelley thanks for sharing that this is

a great moment now i think for us to

transition into 3 and 30 and you've

given us so much information to think

about and start to put into practice and

experiment with i thank you for that and

you've also got three steps that you

want to encourage the audience to take

in the next the next 30 days to improve

on words of influence so what are those

three things

so we have a slide up so if you take a

print screen you'll be able to keep it

or take a picture of it so the first

thing uh in the next 30 days is look in

your email are people talking about what

they want what they want to achieve and

what their goal is are they talking

about what they don't want

and then you can answer in the same

language also are they saying i want i

need and they're deciding for themselves

or they're saying can you help me i need

some advice on this like do they want

your input so are they in their email

internal or external so that's number

one

uh number two um

i guess i did number one and number two

so the number two would be match the

language once you've identified the

language and then uh both for toward and

away from an internal and external but

also number three

use the suggestion model and the bad

news formula like you could even just

write it on a sticky note and stick it

on your computer because i'm sure every

single day you'll find at least a few

opportunities to use them

yeah great tips and i can speak from

personal experience shelly that when you

start to put some of these things into

practice it feels messy and clunky and

like you're making more mistakes than

you are having success but after a while

some of these some of these things

become automatic and the bad news

formula for me uh absolutely is

something that's now been

become unconscious for me and i can use

it without looking at the sticky note

but i had to start there and so just

start playing with this stuff and and

and keep us posted on how things are

going so shelly uh how can people find

you what else do you want people to do

as a result of listening to your episode

um i would love it if you would buy my

book uh it's available on amazon words

that change minds and connect with me on

linkedin and i think there's a uh

results uh you have a an email if

anybody has a question about how to

apply this to a particular problem that

you're having send an email to unleash

they'll forward it to me and i'd be

delighted to help just remind me where

where we met and uh uh ask your question

is there somebody that's very away from

that is hard to motivate at work is

there

customers who are hard to deal with

these are the areas in which we can help

people info

unleashedresults.com thank you very much

nicole

and

check out my book and check out libretta

it just may make your email a lot easier

because apparently 50

of email is misunderstood not the can i

meet you at four no only at two but

substantive emails there's an awful lot

of going back and forth so that

this can cut some of that down

away from language and make get you a

better response in your email so check

out libretta.com as well

shelly thank you so much for that and

and for your dedication and commitment

to your craft and for taking some time

to share it with us today and our

listeners you become such a great friend

to our entire company our whole team and

really a trusted advisor

to us as well so thank you for that and

for the audience to stay connected so

for sure you can send an email to info

unleashedresults.com if you've got

questions about how to apply shelley's

framework or any other questions about

the show uh at all send those to invo

info unleashedresults.com

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