5 Little Ways I Was Sabotaging Myself Without Realizing It

Summary

Chelsea from The Financial Diet introduces TFD's new Patreon expansion, offering membership perks like ad-free content and community access. She then shares personal insights on self-sabotage, discussing five habits that can undermine success, such as confusing process with outcome and overvaluing opinions of irrelevant others. Chelsea emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, healthy social media habits, and accepting people on their own terms for personal growth and productivity.

Takeaways

• 🎥 Chelsea from The Financial Diet introduces a new Patreon for TFD, offering membership expansion with additional perks.
• 🔗 Patreon supporters can choose from two tiers, $7 or $12, to receive ad-free content, office hours, book club access, and a Discord community.
• 💰 Supporting TFD on Patreon helps the company remain self-sustaining, allowing for candid discussions on important topics.
• 📚 Chelsea is in the process of publishing a novel, highlighting her productivity and balance achievements in recent years.
• 🌙 Chelsea discusses her natural tendency to be a night owl and how societal pressures to wake up early affected her self-perception.
• 🤔 She emphasizes the importance of focusing on outcomes rather than the process, especially when it comes to personal habits and preferences.
• 📉 Chelsea critiques the impact of social media on self-perception, advocating for a healthier relationship with these platforms.
• 🚫 She shares her approach to curating her social media feeds by muting or unfollowing content that doesn't contribute positively to her mental health.
• 🤝 Chelsea advises against sharing projects too early, to avoid the potential negative impacts on credibility and motivation.
• 🧐 She talks about the importance of accepting people on their own terms and not trying to mold them according to personal expectations.
• 🔑 Chelsea stresses the significance of valuing opinions selectively, focusing on those whose input genuinely matters in one's life.

Q & A

What is the main topic of Chelsea's video from The Financial Diet?

Chelsea discusses the launch of The Financial Diet's Patreon, along with sharing personal insights on habits that may be sabotaging one's progress and how to overcome them.

Why is The Financial Diet expanding to Patreon?

The Financial Diet is expanding to Patreon to offer additional perks to their members and to become a self-sustaining company, allowing them to continue covering important topics candidly.

What are the two Patreon contribution tiers offered by The Financial Diet?

The two Patreon contribution tiers are $7 and $12, offering perks such as ad-free bonus content, office hours with Chelsea, access to a book club, and a community on Discord.

What is Chelsea's upcoming project that she mentions in the video?

Chelsea is in the process of publishing a novel which is set to release in June.

How does Chelsea manage to balance running a media company, personal relationships, hobbies, and other activities?

Chelsea has achieved a level of balance and productivity through self-reflection and changes in habits, including the support of therapy.

What is one of the key issues Chelsea addresses that she used to struggle with?

Chelsea used to struggle with confusing process for outcome, such as judging herself based on not being a morning person, rather than the actual outcomes of her work and habits.

How does Chelsea approach social media in a healthier way?

Chelsea now practices a strict cost-benefit analysis for who she follows on social media, muting or unfollowing anything that doesn't make her feel good even for a second.

What is Chelsea's advice on sharing personal projects before they are fully realized?

Chelsea advises against sharing projects too early, as it can lead to a loss of credibility and a sense of failure if the project is abandoned or changed significantly after being announced.

How has Chelsea changed her approach to accepting people in her life?

Chelsea has learned to accept people on their own terms without trying to stage direct or edit them to fit her expectations, which has been a significant change brought about by therapy.

What is Chelsea's strategy for dealing with the opinions of others, especially in the context of her novel?

Chelsea has made a list of people whose opinions and feedback truly matter to her and seeks their counsel, while learning to disregard the opinions of those who do not have a significant impact on her life.

What advice does Chelsea give for someone considering turning a sole proprietorship into an LLC and starting another business?

Chelsea suggests that if the businesses have similar deliverables, revenue streams, and workflows, it might be okay to keep them under one LLC, as long as accounting is separated for clarity.

How does Chelsea approach discovering and developing her personal style?

Chelsea recommends using inspiration boards, tuning into what she is naturally attracted to aesthetically, and curating a closet with only her 'A list' clothes, which are items she feels her best in.

Outlines

00:00

🌟 Launch of The Financial Diet's Patreon

Chelsea from The Financial Diet introduces the launch of their Patreon, expanding the membership program, The Society at TFD. She explains that existing YouTube members need not move as Patreon is an additional platform offering perks like ad-free content, office hours, book club access, and a Discord community. Chelsea emphasizes the importance of self-sustainability for the company to continue covering important topics candidly. She invites viewers to join Patreon for additional support and perks, and transitions into discussing her personal journey of self-sabotage and productivity.

05:01

🛌 The Struggle with Morning Routines and Self-Sabotage

Chelsea discusses her personal battle with societal expectations of being a morning person and how it affected her productivity and self-worth. She shares her natural sleep cycle as a night owl and the challenges she faced in school due to early start times. Chelsea explains her shift in perspective, realizing that being a night owl is not inherently negative if it doesn't negatively impact her life. She encourages viewers to differentiate between habits that need changing and those that are simply part of who they are, advocating for a healthier relationship with social media and a more balanced approach to life.

10:01

📱 Social Media's Impact on Self-Perception and Habits

In this paragraph, Chelsea delves into the influence of social media on self-perception and personal habits. She describes her current approach to social media, which involves muting or unfollowing content that doesn't contribute positively to her mental state. Chelsea highlights the importance of a cost-benefit analysis for social media follows, especially for professional networking and personal inspiration. She also discusses the negative psychological effects of comparing oneself to others on social media platforms and suggests strategies for maintaining a healthier online presence.

15:04

📖 Balancing Extrinsic and Intrinsic Motivation

Chelsea talks about her experience with extrinsic and intrinsic motivation, particularly in the context of her novel writing process. She contrasts the immediate success of external motivators with the longer-term benefits of internal motivation. Chelsea shares her habit of sharing projects too early and the potential pitfalls of this approach, such as the risk of failure or loss of credibility. She advocates for a blend of both types of motivation and the importance of refining projects before sharing them with a wider audience.

20:05

🤝 Changing Perceptions of Relationships and Acceptance

Chelsea discusses a significant shift in her approach to relationships, moving from a critical stance to one of acceptance. She acknowledges her past tendency to judge people based on her perceptions of what was best for them, which nearly cost her important relationships. Through therapy, Chelsea learned to accept people on their own terms without compromising her own boundaries. She emphasizes the importance of distinguishing between issues that affect her directly and those that merely bother her, leading to healthier and more authentic relationships.

🔍 Discerning Valuable Opinions and Personal Growth

In the final paragraph, Chelsea addresses the issue of overvaluing opinions, particularly in the context of her upcoming novel's reviews. She reflects on her past susceptibility to the opinions of others and the mental health toll it took. Chelsea shares her strategy of identifying a select group of people whose opinions truly matter to her and seeking their counsel while disregarding the noise of others. She encourages viewers to focus on the feedback that is constructive and relevant to their personal and professional growth.

👗 Personal Style Evolution and Business Advice

Chelsea wraps up the video by addressing society members' questions. She provides advice on business structuring, suggesting that businesses with similar operations but different target audiences can be managed under one LLC, as long as accounting is kept separate. She also offers personal style advice, recommending the use of inspiration boards and curating a wardrobe with 'A list clothes' to reflect personal taste and confidence. Chelsea thanks viewers for watching and invites them to subscribe for more content.

Keywords

💡Patreon

Patreon is a crowdfunding platform where creators can offer exclusive content to subscribers who contribute a monthly fee. In the video, Chelsea discusses the launch of The Financial Diet's Patreon, which includes perks like ad-free content and community access, and is a way for viewers to support the channel while receiving additional benefits.

💡Self-sabotage

Self-sabotage refers to behaviors that people engage in that undermine their own goals or well-being. Chelsea talks about her personal experiences with self-sabotage, such as confusing process for outcome, which is a key theme in the video as she explores ways to overcome these behaviors.

💡Process vs. Outcome

Process versus outcome is a concept that Chelsea discusses, highlighting the importance of focusing on the results of one's actions rather than the methods used to achieve them. She uses the example of societal pressure to wake up early and how it affected her personally, illustrating the need to prioritize outcomes over the process.

💡Social Media

Social media is a collection of online platforms that allow users to create and share content or participate in social networking. Chelsea addresses the negative impact social media can have on self-perception and provides strategies for managing its influence, such as muting or unfollowing content that doesn't contribute positively to one's mental health.

💡Therapy

Therapy, in this context, refers to psychological counseling or treatment. Chelsea credits therapy as instrumental in helping her make significant changes in her life, including altering her approach to relationships and understanding the importance of accepting people on their own terms.

💡Intrinsic Motivation

Intrinsic motivation is the drive to complete tasks for the inherent satisfaction of the activity rather than for external rewards. Chelsea contrasts intrinsic motivation with extrinsic motivation, discussing the importance of balancing both for a fulfilling and sustainable approach to personal projects and goals.

💡Extrinsic Motivation

Extrinsic motivation is the drive to perform actions in order to achieve a reward or avoid a punishment outside of the individual. Chelsea mentions the potential pitfalls of relying too heavily on extrinsic motivation, such as the need for validation from others, and how it can lead to a loss of personal fulfillment.

💡Acceptance

Acceptance, in the context of the video, is the act of embracing the reality of a situation or person without attempting to change or control it. Chelsea discusses the importance of accepting people in one's life on their own terms as a means to healthier relationships and personal well-being.

💡Opinions

Opinions refer to the beliefs or judgments that individuals hold about something or someone. Chelsea talks about the importance of discerning which opinions are valuable and which are not, emphasizing the need to focus on the feedback from those whose perspectives genuinely matter to one's personal and professional growth.

💡Credibility

Credibility is the quality of being trusted or believed. Chelsea mentions how sharing things too early or making promises that are not fulfilled can undermine one's credibility, which is essential for maintaining trust and respect from others.

💡LLC

LLC stands for Limited Liability Company, a type of business structure that combines the pass-through taxation of a partnership with the limited liability of a corporation. Chelsea provides advice on whether to form an LLC for a sole proprietorship and how to consider structuring multiple businesses.

💡Personal Style

Personal style refers to an individual's unique way of dressing or presenting themselves. Chelsea offers advice on discovering one's personal style, emphasizing the importance of inspiration boards and curating a wardrobe that reflects one's aesthetic preferences rather than following trends.

Highlights

Introduction of The Financial Diet's new Patreon expansion, offering membership perks.

Two Patreon contribution tiers at $7 and $12 providing ad-free content and exclusive access.

The importance of self-sustainability for a company to cover important topics candidly.

Personal anecdotes on achieving balance and productivity in life and work.

The impact of social media on self-perception and the importance of a healthy relationship with it.

Five ways the speaker used to sabotage herself without realizing it, discussed as key takeaways.

The cultural misconception of waking up early as a marker of value or worth.

Personal experience with sleep schedules and the importance of aligning with one's natural rhythm.

The distinction between judging oneself on process versus outcome and its implications.

Strategies for managing social media following habits to maintain mental health.

The psychological effects of social media on envy and comparison, termed as 'comparison-itis'.

The benefits and pitfalls of sharing projects too early and the importance of intrinsic motivation.

The transformation in relationships through therapy and learning to accept people on their own terms.

The importance of discerning whose opinions matter and the impact of overvaluing irrelevant opinions.

Practical advice on turning a sole proprietorship into an LLC and considerations for multiple businesses.

Tips for discovering personal style through inspiration boards and curating a wardrobe of 'A list' clothes.

Transcripts

Hey, guys.

It's Chelsea from The Financial Diet.

And this week's video is brought to you by ourselves.

I wanted to talk to you guys really quickly

instead of a normal ad about the very exciting thing

that we're launching here at TFD,

which is our all new Patreon.

So we are expanding our membership, The Society at TFD,

over to Patreon.

If you are already a member on YouTube

you don't need to move over.

It's not going anywhere.

We're just expanding to Patreon with a few additional perks.

We have two tiers where you can contribute

at a $7 or $12 level.

You'll get ad free bonus content, office hours with me,

access to our book club, our community on Discord,

where you can chat about money and other things,

plus everything you see listed here.

It's important for us as a company

to be a self sustaining machine so that we can continue

to cover the topics that are important to us,

and speak candidly about the things that matter.

And supporting us on Patreon is one way to help us do that.

You're not just supporting us.

You're also getting tons of awesome perks as well.

So click the link in our description

to join us on Patreon.

And today I wanted to talk about ways

in which I used to be sabotaging myself

without even realizing it.

Now, for those who don't know, I will link to my video

on the subject in the description,

but I am in the process of publishing a novel, which

will come out in June that I'm really, really

excited about it.

You can learn all about it at the video in the description,

as well as the book's website, which I will also link to.

And I wrote and am publishing that book all while,

for example, running a seven figure media

company as the CEO, a.k.a.

The Financial Diet, having flourishing

personal relationships, engaging in all the hobbies

that are important to me, including

becoming a bike person, which was a huge achievement,

and having plenty of time left over

to do things like watch endless hours of "Love Is Blind."

Although, I must admit that watching Zach sing this season

has shaved years off of my life.

Every time someone on "Love is Blind" breaks

out a musical instrument, I can feel thousands

of cells in my body decay.

It's the worst experience.

But anyway, I don't say all of that

to sound unusually self-aggrandizing, although I

am.

I mostly say it to say that I feel

confident that at this point in my life

I have achieved a level of balance and productivity

that really was not available to me even just a few years ago.

And that's both in terms of the actual work that I'm doing,

but also in terms of how I view myself

and the relationships in my life,

and the ways in which, as I say in the title,

I was kind of undermining and sabotaging myself.

So I wanted to talk about those specific ways

and what I do differently now, not

because the things you want to achieve, or the type of person

that you want to be is identical to my life,

but because I think that these bad habits are things that many

of us struggle with, and could probably benefit

from taking a second look at.

And for me, these previous habits, and the changes

I've implemented, and huge shout out

to therapy, which we'll talk about all

through this video, which was really crucial in kind

of making some of these changes fall into two key categories.

One is confusing process for outcome.

And two is discerning what and who is actually important.

We just finished up a three week series here on TFD

all about the insidious ways that social media

can infect our self perception and our lives,

which we will also link to in the description.

But it's worth noting that social media does

play a huge part in a lot of these previous bad habits.

And although I still use social media today,

I do feel that I have a much healthier relationship to it.

And it's not affecting me in the same negative ways

that it used to be.

Not that all of these problems are totally modern.

But let's just say having a 24/7 judgment

and comparison machine available in your pocket whenever

you want to look at it certainly doesn't help.

So without further ado, here are the five little ways

that I used to sabotage myself without realizing it.

Number one, to my previous point,

is judging myself on the process rather than the outcome.

I recently made a TikTok about a phenomenon

that I have become quite critical

of over the years, which is our cultural attachment to the idea

of waking up early in the morning

as some sort of inherent marker of value,

or worth, or seriousness.

Not only is our society, in general,

quite oriented around morning people.

We also tend to take it to extremes.

I mean, for example, when I was in high school

my school started--

like your ass was in the seat learning

at 7:17 in the morning.

That's when the bell rang.

That should be illegal.

Like I graduated high school with a 2.5

GPA, maybe even less, now that I'm thinking of it.

And I think part of that was because I was literally asleep

for half of it.

Like I would frequently just fall asleep in class.

Like that is not normal.

And I do have delayed sleep phase,

in the sense that I do tend to go to sleep naturally

quite a bit later than some, and wake up naturally

later than others.

My ideal scenario, if I never had to work or participate

in our morning person oriented society

would be falling asleep somewhere between midnight

and 1:00 AM, and waking up somewhere

between 9:00 and 10:00 AM.

I generally tend to now air toward about midnight

to about 8:00 to 8:30, again, mostly for work reasons.

And that is a change that has both felt sustainable,

and also allowed me to do things that are important.

And I do want to be clear that some people simply do not

have the choice to sleep on the schedule that

is optimal for them.

And also, some people just prefer to wake up really early

and go to bed really early.

Both of those things are great.

But for people like myself who tend

to be night owls, or really any other type of habit

or preference you have in your life that is simply

kind of how you're wired, and not in a vacuum,

negatively affecting you, there's a real tendency

to judge ourselves on the way we do things,

rather than what is the outcome of the things we're doing.

I used to berate myself for not being a morning person,

for not having that independent spark to get up early,

and meditate, and read interesting books,

and work out, and drink green juice,

and like do all the stuff that I thought would make me

a more worthy person.

And even though there weren't negative outcomes

to the natural schedule that I preferred

to sleep at, especially when I was freelance, for example,

it still really conflicted with what was my optimal self

image, which was almost entirely informed

by other people's perception.

And I want to be clear that sometimes there

are things, which are actually in need of change.

For example, I've spoken on this channel before

about my ongoing battle with being addicted

to sugar to some extent.

And there are times in which my relationship to consuming sugar

is genuinely problematic.

I don't feel good.

It can affect my sleep.

I find myself more lethargic.

My overall eating habits will take a nosedive.

So when I look at the outcomes as it pertains to the sugar

question, there are clear reasons

to interrogate and modify.

But being naturally a night owl is simply

not one of those things.

And to tell the difference now, a few questions

that I ask myself are, does my insecurity

in this area come from how I feel,

or from how other people might feel about it?

And two, is it having negative consequences in my life,

or preventing me from doing the things that I want?

Happening to work better in the mid to late afternoon,

and then in the evening after dinner for a bit

is just the way I work.

And as long as it's not affecting my life in any way,

I really don't care what kind of person I am,

or what other people might think that it makes me.

And applying this standard to various habits and personality

traits is a really good way to stop beating yourself up

for something that was never a problem to begin with.

Number two, in terms of the social media of it

all is having very unhealthy following habits.

So my approach to social media now

is if something makes me feel not optimal for even one

second, that's an immediate mute or an unfollow,

depending on the situation.

I just simply get it the hell out of my face.

Like there are a lot of things that I see.

For example, perhaps it is someone who is achieving things

that I really want for myself, and I

feel in a place of insecurity about that in the moment,

and seeing it doesn't make me feel good.

No shade to them, but I got to mute that [BLEEP]..

Maybe someone has a really gorgeous aspirational house

that I couldn't afford or just don't

have the resources to create at this time.

That's going to be an unfollow.

And it took me a while to realize this,

but now I have understood that outside

of people that I genuinely am close to

and want to keep in my life, almost

every other follow on social media

should be run through a pretty strict cost benefit analysis.

For example, in work, sometimes we

have to follow people for professional networking

reasons, whether on regular social media sites,

or on LinkedIn, or what have you.

And there sometimes can be tangible benefits

to forming and fostering those connections.

For example, right now we're in the pre-order period

for my novel.

And a huge part of that is reaching out

to various influencers and book-Tokers, and media,

and journalists to send them a copy of the book,

and hopefully get them to love it and talk about it.

And if these are people that I already have a connection with,

usually via social media, where we've kind of been mutually

supportive and in each other's digital periphery,

there is a real benefit to that, I won't lie.

And so when thinking of the cost benefit analysis

of having this person on my feed,

that's something that is really weighing in its favor.

And vise versa, for when they're reaching out

to me about their projects.

But the number of people for whom

fostering a connection via social media,

outside of your actual personal life

holds real tangible value for you

and is worth keeping in your orbit

is pretty low, and especially when

it expands to things like influencers

or other aspirational figures.

It's really easy to conflate being inspired with just

feeling bad about yourself.

Like, for example, I basically follow almost no home

decor stuff anymore, because that [BLEEP]

is bad for my mental health.

Clinical psychologist Rachel Andrew

says she is seeing more and more envy in her consulting room

from people who, quote, can't achieve the lifestyle that they

want, but which they see others have.

Our use of platform, she says, amplifies

this deeply disturbing psychological discord.

I think what social media has done

is make everyone accessible for comparison, she explains.

In the past, people might just have envied their neighbors.

But now we can compare ourselves with everyone across the world.

And Wendy Dryden, one of the Uk's leading practitioners

of cognitive behavioral therapy, calls this comparison-itis.

So my rule, as I said, is just, if it

doesn't make me feel good for even a second,

I get it out of my face, at least temporarily.

Number three is sharing things before I'm sure about them.

Now, not to take it back to my novel,

but I worked on it for about a year

in all different capacities before I announced anything

publicly.

Prior to that, it was just a very, very small group

of either people I was collaborating with on it

professionally, or very close friends

and family in my own life.

And this was really hard for me, because I

used to share everything early on all the time.

In fact, looking at TFD, it initially

started as my own personal blog that I

was using to hold myself accountable to getting better

with money.

And it can have benefits, right?

Extrinsic motivation can be very powerful,

especially for people who naturally tend to respond

to it, myself included.

But it's also important to remember

that extrinsic motivation can be a double edged sword.

As two kinds of behavior drivers on the extreme ends

of a spectrum, extrinsic and intrinsic motivation

have entirely different, but one sided outcomes.

Eventual loss of efficiency is a risk

that often follows the instant success of external motivators.

And while internal motivation has the ability

to keep momentum going for a longer period,

it has limited sustainability.

But it also explores the finer aspects of joy,

a sense of accomplishment, and fulfillment.

However, there is a risk of emotional exhaustion

if not compensated with external rewards.

Basically, you want a really good blend

of both external and internal validation.

And especially when we're working

on something really challenging or really exciting,

there can be a desire to get credit for it

early on in the process, which is something that I

used to really struggle with.

It was really hard for me to do things without sharing them,

because A, I did want that credit.

But also B, I just didn't feel like it was real

if other people couldn't see it.

And while I still really lean into external motivation,

I think it's good to find a few key people who can help provide

it, while allowing you to fine tune whatever

it is that you might be working on before announcing

it or releasing it to a wider pool.

Oftentimes when we share things too early,

especially if we're not totally sure about them,

we end up pivoting, or abandoning the effort

altogether, or deciding that it's not

for us, which if done before you've shared it with a wider

group is totally fine and part of the process of refining

our own decisions.

But if you've already shared about it

and then have to walk it back, because you weren't

sure enough or ready enough in the process

to share it in the first place, now it's

going to feel like a failure.

Now it's going to feel like the next time you share something,

it shouldn't be taken as seriously.

It's going to undermine your credibility,

and it's also going to undermine how you

feel about your own decisions.

It's gone from the very key process of refining

into the very potentially damaging process

of having to backpedal.

Now, when it comes to external motivation gone wrong,

number four is holding people to the standards

that I created for them.

So one enormous shift that I made through therapy--

shout out to therapy--

was changing how I related to people

who are close in my life.

I honestly used to be extremely critical to people,

because I was almost always perceiving them

through a prism of what I wanted for them

or what I thought would be the best move for them.

And honestly, looking back, that's

an objectively deranged way to relate to other human beings,

no offense to my former self.

But this behavior and habit was honestly

on the verge of costing me some pretty important relationships

in my life.

And it drove me to go to therapy seriously for the first time

as an adult, because I realized that if I didn't change how

I was doing things it was really going to start negatively

affecting my life in a big way, to take it back to point one.

And an important clarification to make here

is that learning to accept people on their own terms

does not mean learning to accept any kind of treatment.

As Psychology Today puts it, "Accepting people

does not itself mean agreeing with them, approving of them,

waiving your own rights, or downplaying their impact

upon you.

You can still take appropriate actions

to protect or support yourself or others,

or you can simply let people be.

Either way, you accept the reality of the other person.

You may not like it.

You may not prefer it.

You may feel sad or angry about it.

But at a deeper level, you are at peace with it.

That alone is a blessing.

And sometimes your shift to acceptance

can help things get better."

Now, I still obviously have boundaries

in my own relationships, but I make

a very, very clear distinction with everyone in my life.

And I do it by asking myself a few questions.

Does this thing they are doing or thinking actually

affect me in some tangible way?

If yes, how can I create boundaries for myself

and change my own behavior or relationship

to this person to be OK?

And if no, why is this something that I feel

compelled to address?

Basically, you take people as they are.

And you decide to what extent you want to be in their life

or have them in yours.

But once you're having a person in your life

you don't get to then stage direct and edit them to be

the person you want them to be.

Really making that clear distinction

between what affects me versus what just bothers me

for reasons that are mine to figure out and resolve

has been life changing.

Lastly, number five is overvaluing the opinions

of people who don't matter.

So I am in the process of fielding all kinds of reviews

from people I don't know on my first work of fiction.

It's hard.

I'm not going to lie.

It's hard not to take it all very personally, and live

or die by each person's response.

But ultimately, while this is a particularly trying gauntlet,

in general, I have made enormous strides in my life

when it comes to discerning whose opinions are actually

worth taking into account.

Because I used to be extremely affected by basically

everyone's opinion.

And aside from just being generally

toxic to mental health and well-being,

it also, in many ways, prevents us

from doing, and creating, and building,

and enjoying the things that are most important to us in life.

We would basically never have the confidence

to go out and do something worth doing if we were constantly

undermining ourselves by the opinions of everyone

we've ever encountered, or even anonymous people

on the internet, which, back to the social media point,

can be essentially limitless now.

We're constantly exposed to everyone's opinions,

and feedback, and responses in a way that is just not

natural for the human brain.

And ultimately, while you can fall too far

to the I don't care what other people think end

of the spectrum, which is often typified by assholes, who

honestly need to be caring more about what people think,

there's a massive difference between valuing

the opinions of people whose opinions carry

real weight in your life, and letting the noise of 1,000

takes cloud your own internal barometers,

which I was constantly doing.

So I've actually found it very helpful

to write actual lists of people whose

opinions, and tastes, and critical feedback

really matter to me.

And I tell them as much.

And I seek out their counsel.

And I will run things by them.

And I will solicit feedback and take their notes.

But outside of that, it's very important

to understand that not everything is going

to be to everyone's taste.

Your choices may offend other people.

And it's not just about work.

For example, my choice to not have children

has been difficult for certain people in my life.

And while they're, in many cases, people

that I love and respect, it's also true

that not everyone gets a say in everything.

And for a lot of personal choices,

the list of people whose opinions really matter

is essentially one, you and maybe your partner.

At the end of the day, taking critical feedback

in a way that is actually productive

can be one of the best things that we do,

but not all feedback is created equal.

And not all of it is worth taking in or letting affect you

in any way, and switching to a much more limited scope of who

I'll actually really take into account has been life changing.

Those are just my little habits that were sabotaging me.

I'm sure I could name 1,000 more if I thought about it.

But I'll leave you with those for now.

[CHIMES]

And the time has come for this week's society questions,

which as a reminder, all of our society members--

and you can become one by hitting the Join button

or joining us on Patreon--

get to ask me questions every month

that I answer exclusively here on the Tuesday videos.

I answer two a week.

So let's jump into them.

The first one says, "Currently I have

a sole proprietorship that I'd like to turn into an LLC.

The problem, maybe not really, is

that I'm also planning on starting another business

within the year.

And both businesses work in media or communications,

but with different target audiences.

I'm debating if I should combine them,

despite the audiences being so different.

One targets nonprofits.

The other targets self-published authors.

Turn them both into LLCs?

Or turn only one into an LLC?

I'd love your thoughts."

In general, my advice is if a lot-- if you

have a business that will do multiple things,

but ultimately has very similar deliverables, revenue streams,

workflows, even if the audiences are different,

I think it's OK to have them be the same business.

You obviously want to make sure that your accounting is

very separated so that you can actually

get a good assessment of where you're making and losing

money and stuff.

But I really only recommend having separate businesses,

because it adds work.

It adds money.

It adds complication.

Having separate businesses when the actual nature

of the work that you're doing is very, very different for each.

So like, for example, if one of your businesses

was a pottery business and the other one was a social media

business, that might be something to separate.

But if you're doing a business that has pretty similar work,

but for two different types of clients,

I think it's OK to have that be under one umbrella.

Second question is, "What has helped you

discover your personal style?

I'm struggling with mine, because it's

changed a lot, especially since I, like you, have

changed socioeconomic statuses from my childhood and parents.

And I find myself struggling with presentation.

I love your style, but I also love a more casual, bright,

print heavy look.

Thanks."

Very sweet.

Thank you.

The number one thing that I really recommend doing

is a lot of inspiration boards.

I always have several of them going at any given time.

I frequently find that the things that I like

are not what happens to be trending on social media

or happens to be in the windows of stores.

It'll often be inspiration from movies, or older magazines,

or more archival stuff.

I think trying to tune out of whatever

happens to be popular at a given time and tune in to what you

are naturally attracted to aesthetically is really, really

important, because often, I think one of the things that

leads people to feel the least empowered and wonderful

in their clothing is when it hews too closely to whatever

happens to be trending, regardless of

whether or not that's your aesthetic,

or that happens to look good on you.

So using inspiration all the time.

And I like to curate full on like little--

I use Canva a lot, where I'll put together outfits with stuff

that I have.

And any time I do my closet turnover,

which I'm doing tonight, as it happens from fall-winter

to spring-summer, I always make sure to really edit

when I'm putting things away and when I'm taking them out

to make sure that I'm only keeping what I always refer to

as my A list clothes.

Because often having fewer items,

but items that you feel your best in will often make

you feel like you have more abundance than having too

many items that you don't love.

But thank you.

I appreciate the compliment.

And as always, guys, thank you for watching.

And don't forget to hit the Subscribe button

and to come back every Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday

for new and awesome videos.

Goodbye.