how to ask questions that make people love you

Summary

This video script emphasizes the art of asking effective questions to build deeper social connections. It outlines strategies such as using follow-up questions to show care and interest, starting conversations with safe topics before delving deeper, deflecting difficult questions with relevant inquiries, and avoiding assumptions. The script also suggests asking for advice from authority figures as a subtle way to gain influence. These techniques are aimed at enhancing communication skills and creating meaningful interactions.

Takeaways

• 😀 Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers; the quality of questions asked can dictate the depth and value of social interactions.
• 🔍 Follow-up questions are crucial for building intimacy and connection; they allow others to elaborate on their thoughts and experiences.
• 📚 Researchers found that the degree of follow-up questions asked is the most significant factor in whether people want to see each other again after a first date.
• 🎣 Use the 'echo technique' to show interest by repeating the exact words of the speaker and asking for more information, like 'You're looking forward to the weekend, what are you excited about?'
• 🌊 Dive into the underlying material of conversations by asking follow-up questions that signal care and interest, rather than just staying on surface-level topics.
• 🚀 Spark emotions in conversations by asking about experiences, dreams, passions, and motivations to uncover the emotional underpinnings of what people say.
• 🛡 Start conversations with safe, less probing questions and gradually build up to more intimate ones to create a safe space for self-disclosure.
• 💡 The '36 questions that lead to love' demonstrate the power of reciprocal self-disclosure in building deep connections through a series of escalating questions.
• ⚖️ Deflect difficult questions by responding with a relevant question, keeping the conversation flowing and changing the topic when appropriate.
• 🚫 Avoid making assumptions in questions; instead of asking if there are no problems, ask about the problems directly to get more honest and useful answers.
• 🧙‍♂️ Asking for advice from those in higher authority can be a subtle way to flatter and gain influence, as it strokes their ego and shows you value their opinion.

Q & A

Why is asking the right questions important in social interactions?

Asking the right questions is crucial because it dictates the quality of interaction, allowing for deeper connections and more meaningful conversations.

What is a follow-up question and why is it significant in building intimacy?

A follow-up question is a response to what someone has said, inviting them to elaborate further. It's significant in building intimacy as it signals care and interest, encouraging deeper self-disclosure.

What technique did Alejandro use to show interest in Patricia's weekend plans?

Alejandro used the echo technique, repeating Patricia's exact words back to her to show interest and prompt her to elaborate on her weekend plans.

How can focusing on emotions in follow-up questions enhance conversations?

Focusing on emotions in follow-up questions can make conversations more engaging by exploring the feelings and experiences of the person, rather than just focusing on facts and logic.

What are some topics to discuss to spark emotion in follow-up conversations?

Topics such as experiences, dreams, passions, and motivations can spark emotion and lead to more profound and personal discussions.

What is the '36 questions that lead to love' experiment and what does it teach us about self-disclosure?

The '36 questions that lead to love' experiment by the Aons couple showed that structured, intimate questions can significantly increase rapport and the desire for further interaction, highlighting the importance of gradual, reciprocal self-disclosure.

How can deflecting difficulty with relevant questions help in uncomfortable situations?

Deflecting difficulty with relevant questions allows one to avoid answering unwanted questions directly, maintaining the flow of conversation and preventing the impression of hiding something negative.

Why is it advised to avoid making assumptions when asking questions in negotiations or inquiries?

Avoiding assumptions prevents the other party from easily dismissing the question with a simple 'no' or 'yes', and instead encourages them to provide more detailed information.

What is the psychological effect of asking someone for advice?

Asking for advice can make the person feel valued and respected, stroking their ego and potentially increasing their willingness to help or cooperate.

How can the principles discussed in the script be applied to improve social skills?

By practicing asking follow-up questions, gradually building self-disclosure, deflecting difficult questions, and avoiding assumptions, one can improve their social skills and navigate social situations with more ease and effectiveness.

What is the speaker's future plan regarding social skills education?

The speaker plans to write a book, create courses, and establish the 'knock Academy', an online community for people to improve their social skills and socialize with poise.