How to Be SILENTLY Attractive (12 Introvert Cheat Codes)

Summary

The speaker, identifying as a naturally quiet individual, challenges the stereotype that quiet people are at a disadvantage in social settings. He suggests that quiet people can be perceived as attractive by being confident and presenting themselves well. He offers practical advice on how to navigate social situations, emphasizing the importance of impactful communication, observing unique traits in others, and taking assertive actions. The speaker also discusses the significance of first impressions and the benefits of physical presence and good manners in enhancing social appeal.

Takeaways

• 🤫 Quietness as a Strength: The speaker believes that being a quiet person can be an advantage, as it allows for more focus on analyzing situations and perceiving details.
• 🔑 Presenting Quiet Confidence: Quiet individuals can be just as effective as louder ones if they learn to present themselves confidently and attractively without the need for constant talking.
• 🎯 Changing the Goal: Instead of trying to be the 'coolest' person in the room, the speaker suggests focusing on simply showing up and having a few meaningful conversations.
• 🗣️ Calling Out Misconceptions: Quiet people should use their limited speech to make impactful statements, like playfully challenging misconceptions or assumptions.
• 🖼️ Choosing Your Frame: It's important for quiet individuals to reframe their thoughts during social interactions to maintain confidence, even when they're not speaking.
• 👀 Observing Uniquely: Making unique observations about others can create a strong impact and lead to engaging conversations.
• 🚀 Taking the Assertive Option: The speaker advises taking the more assertive route in social scenarios to avoid regret and build confidence.
• 👔 The Importance of Manners: Good manners can elevate one's perceived value and attract like-minded, high-value individuals.
• 🔄 Highlighting Differences: Emphasizing differences rather than similarities can make a person seem more attractive and confident.
• 🧠 Remembering Details: Recalling and referring to past conversations or shared experiences can make others feel valued and remembered.
• 📵 Texting Less, Meaning More: In the context of dating, texting less can create intrigue and make one seem busier or more interesting.
• 🚫 Drawing the Line on Persistence: Making one genuine effort to connect is enough; not reciprocating signals a lack of interest and can be attractive by showing non-neediness.
• 💪 Taking Up Physical Space: Commanding physical space through posture can project confidence and calmness.
• 🌟 Starting Strong: Making a strong first impression is crucial as it sets the tone for how others perceive you, and it's something quiet individuals can excel at.

Q & A

What is the main advantage the speaker believes quiet people have over louder individuals?

The speaker believes that quiet people have an advantage because they tend to analyze situations more, perceive different things, and focus their attention better, which can make them more effective.

How does the speaker suggest changing the goal when attending social events to reduce pressure on oneself?

The speaker suggests changing the goal from trying to impress everyone to simply showing up and hoping to have a few good conversations, accepting that some people might think they are awkward.

What is the significance of 'calling people out' in a playful way according to the speaker?

The speaker believes that 'calling people out' in a playful way is a way for quiet individuals to express their unique thoughts and show they have the courage to challenge others, which can be impactful.

How does the speaker recommend reframing the feeling of being quiet and having nothing to say in a group?

The speaker recommends reframing the feeling by telling oneself that they are choosing to be quiet and calm, and will speak when they have something to say, thus changing the internal narrative to one of empowerment.

What is the importance of observing unique qualities in others when meeting new people, according to the speaker?

Observing and commenting on unique qualities in others can make a strong impact, as it shows attention to detail and personal interest, leading to deeper and more engaging conversations.

Why does the speaker emphasize taking the aggressive option in social scenarios?

The speaker emphasizes taking the aggressive option because it builds confidence, creates a positive feedback cycle, and prevents regret from missed opportunities.

What is the speaker's view on the importance of good manners in social interactions?

The speaker views good manners as a small but significant factor that can elevate one's perceived value and attract like-minded, high-value individuals.

How does the speaker suggest highlighting differences can impact social interactions?

The speaker suggests that highlighting differences can leave a deeper impact and paint oneself as a confident person, which can be attractive and draw others towards them.

What is the speaker's advice on remembering things in conversations and why is it important?

The speaker advises remembering things from past conversations as it shows that one cares and is attentive, which can make others feel valued and build stronger connections.

Why does the speaker recommend texting less in the context of dating?

The speaker recommends texting less to create an impression of being busy and not overly interested, which can pique the interest of the other person and increase the likelihood of securing a date.

What is the speaker's rule of thumb regarding persistence when meeting new people?

The speaker's rule of thumb is to make one genuine effort to hang out with someone new and if there is no reciprocation, to draw the line and not chase, as it prevents appearing needy and can be attractive.

How does the speaker suggest taking up space physically in social situations to convey confidence?

The speaker suggests sitting or standing in a way that opens up the body, such as sitting back in a chair with arms wide and legs open, to project calmness and confidence.

What are the three things the speaker recommends doing when meeting someone new to make a strong first impression?

The speaker recommends making strong eye contact, having a slight smile, and offering a firm handshake or a warm hug to establish a positive and attractive first impression.

Outlines

00:00

🤫 Embracing the Quiet Advantage

The speaker reflects on their natural quietness and how it was initially perceived as a weakness, especially in social settings. They used to believe it hindered their success with women and in gaining respect among men. However, they've come to understand that being quiet can be an advantage, allowing for deeper observation and analysis of situations. They argue that quiet individuals can be more impactful when they do speak, as they can present themselves confidently without the need for constant chatter. The speaker shares personal anecdotes, such as their experience with a snowboarding club, to illustrate the importance of changing one's social goals from trying to be 'cool' to simply being present and engaging in meaningful conversations.

05:00

💬 Choosing Words Wisely and Challenging Norms

The speaker emphasizes the importance of making every word count when you're not one to speak often. They recount a social situation where they playfully challenged a common belief about ensuring the birth of a boy by timing intercourse, which led to laughter and a memorable interaction. The key is to be impactful with your words, especially when you have fewer opportunities to speak. They also discuss the importance of choosing your frame of mind when feeling isolated in a group, suggesting a shift in self-perception from 'weird loser' to 'silently attractive guy', which can help maintain confidence even in silence.

10:01

👀 Observing Uniquely and Taking the Assertive Option

The speaker encourages observing unique traits in others and expressing them to create a strong impact. They share an example of complimenting a stranger's tattoo style, which led to a deep conversation. The speaker also discusses the importance of taking the assertive option in social scenarios, such as approaching someone at the gym or asking a girl out, even if it feels risky. They argue that assertiveness builds confidence and creates a positive feedback loop, making one more likely to take risks in the future.

15:01

🤝 The Power of Manners and Highlighting Differences

The speaker discusses the value of good manners, attributing their upbringing in the South as a significant influence. They believe that displaying good manners can elevate one's perceived value and attract like-minded individuals. Additionally, they suggest focusing on highlighting differences rather than finding commonalities, as it can make one seem more attractive and confident. The speaker shares personal stories to illustrate these points, such as their playful dismissal of Boston's weather and the resulting positive reactions.

20:02

📱 Texting Strategies and Physical Presence in Social Settings

The speaker provides advice on texting, suggesting that less is more, especially for those who are naturally quiet. They argue that sending fewer texts can create an impression of being busy and interesting, which can be more attractive. The speaker also emphasizes the importance of physical presence, advising to take up space in social settings to appear confident and at ease. They share personal examples, such as their barber remembering a restaurant recommendation, to illustrate the impact of remembering details about others.

🚫 Drawing the Line and Making a Strong Start

The speaker talks about the importance of knowing when to draw the line in social interactions, suggesting that persistence can come off as needy. They recommend making one genuine effort to connect with someone new and, if not reciprocated, moving on. The speaker also stresses the importance of making a strong first impression, as it can significantly influence how others perceive you. They share tips on establishing a positive first impression through eye contact, a slight smile, and a firm handshake or warm hug.

Keywords

💡Quietness

Quietness in this video refers to the speaker's natural disposition to be less talkative in social settings. It is defined as a personal trait that the speaker once viewed as a weakness but later embraced as a strength. The video discusses how quiet individuals can be perceived as more thoughtful and observant, which can be advantageous in social interactions. For example, the speaker mentions that 'us quieter people tend to have an advantage over the louder people' by being able to analyze situations more effectively.

💡Confidence

Confidence is a central theme in the video, emphasizing the importance of self-assurance in social interactions, especially for those who are naturally quiet. It is defined as a belief in one's own abilities and value, which the speaker suggests can be conveyed through body language and demeanor. The video advises that quiet individuals can present themselves confidently without the need for constant talking, as illustrated when the speaker talks about 'learn[ing] to present yourself in an attractive way that does not require you to constantly be talking.'

💡Social Settings

Social settings are the environments where interactions among people occur, which can include parties, gatherings, or casual meet-ups. The video discusses the speaker's experiences in these settings and how being quiet can affect one's social interactions. The term is used to describe the context where the speaker initially felt at a disadvantage but later leveraged his quiet nature to his benefit, as in 'like when I'm in social settings I just usually don't have that much that I want to say.'

💡Perception

Perception in the video refers to how others interpret and understand an individual's behavior or characteristics. It is tied to the idea that quietness can be misinterpreted as a lack of confidence or interest. However, the speaker argues that with the right approach, quiet individuals can change this perception and be seen as attractive and intriguing. An example from the script is 'that gives us more attention and focus on analyzing situations thinking more, perceiving different things.'

💡Assertiveness

Assertiveness is the ability to express oneself in a confident and direct way, without being aggressive. The video encourages quiet individuals to be assertive, especially when faced with opportunities for social engagement. It is defined as taking the initiative and making things happen rather than waiting passively. The speaker advises to 'always take the aggressive option' in social scenarios, such as approaching someone at the gym or asking a girl out.

💡Observation

Observation is the act of noticing and understanding details about people or situations. The video highlights the importance of making unique observations about others as a way to engage in meaningful conversations. It is defined as the skill of picking up on subtle cues and making connections that others might miss. The speaker uses the example of the ice cream shop employee who made a unique observation about him and his wife, which left a strong impression on him.

💡Manners

Manners refer to the socially acceptable behaviors or etiquette that demonstrate respect and consideration for others. The video emphasizes the impact of good manners on how others perceive an individual, suggesting that they can elevate one's social standing. The speaker shares his personal experience with manners, noting that they make a person appear 'like more of a premium person' and can be particularly impactful for quiet individuals who are selective with their words.

💡Persistence

Persistence is the continued effort to achieve a goal despite difficulties or delays. The video discusses the fine line between persistence and appearing needy, especially in the context of forming new relationships. It is defined as making a single genuine effort to connect with others, but not to the point of being overly insistent. The speaker advises that 'when I meet someone new... I'm going to make one genuine effort to hang out with them,' and if there is no reciprocation, he will 'draw the line' and move on.

💡First Impressions

First impressions are the initial judgments or opinions formed about someone within the first moments of meeting. The video underscores the significance of making a strong first impression, as it can set the tone for how others perceive an individual. It is defined as the instant evaluation that occurs when encountering someone new. The speaker provides practical advice on how to make a positive first impression, such as maintaining strong eye contact, having a slight smile, and offering a firm handshake or warm hug.

💡Texting

Texting in the context of the video refers to the communication method used in the early stages of dating or acquaintance. It is defined as the exchange of messages via mobile devices, which can convey interest and personality. The speaker warns against over-texting, suggesting that being less frequent and more concise in messages can create intrigue and appear more attractive, as exemplified by the advice to 'be more silent with your text messaging' and to quickly transition from texting to meeting in person.

Highlights

Quiet individuals possess an advantage in social settings due to their ability to analyze and perceive situations more deeply.

The key for quiet people is to present themselves confidently and attractively without the need for constant talking.

Changing the goal from being 'cool' to simply showing up and engaging in a few good conversations can reduce social pressure.

Calling out misconceptions or assumptions playfully can demonstrate confidence and challenge the norm.

Reframing negative thoughts during social interactions can help maintain confidence and a positive self-image.

Observing and commenting on unique traits in others can create a strong and memorable impression.

Taking the aggressive option in social scenarios can lead to more opportunities and personal growth.

Good manners can elevate one's perceived value and attract like-minded individuals.

Highlighting differences rather than commonalities can make a deeper impact and appear more attractive and confident.

Remembering details about people can foster a sense of connection and appreciation.

Limiting text message frequency can increase perceived value and interest in dating scenarios.

Drawing the line after one genuine effort to connect with someone can prevent appearing needy and is an attractive quality.

Taking up physical space in social situations can project confidence and comfort.

Making a strong first impression through eye contact, a slight smile, and a firm handshake or warm hug can set a positive tone for interactions.

The speaker emphasizes the importance of physical presentation and the role of his clothing line in enhancing one's attractiveness.

An annual sale for the speaker's clothing line, Edge Lifestyle, is promoted with a sense of urgency and exclusivity.

The video concludes with a call to action for self-improvement and subscribing to the channel for more transformative content.

Transcripts

sh quiet do you hear that n never mind

it was nothing I've always been a

quieter person like when I'm in Social

settings I just usually don't have that

much that I want to say for most of my

life I thought that it was this big

weakness of mine that was holding me

back you know holding me back from

putting myself out there with women

holding me back from getting respect

with other men just holding me back from

success in general like the quiet guy

doesn't win he he never gets the girl

he's the loser right but that is not

fully true because us quieter people

tend to have an advantage over the

louder people our mouths are shut and

that gives us more attention and focus

on analyzing situations thinking more

perceiving different things and that is

why I believe the deadliest most

effective men in this world are quiet

guys who've simply learned to present

themsel in a confident attractive way

and that my friends is the trick you to

learn how to present yourself in an

attractive way that does not require you

to constantly be talking and say a lot

of words because let's be real that

doesn't come naturally to us number one

change the goal so y'all know I love to

snowboard and back in University I

actually joined the the snowboarding

team which was also kind of like this

club that had parties and hung out all

the time together and every time there'd

be an event I was about to go to I would

tell myself okay the goal tonight is to

be cool to to make friends with everyone

to make sure everyone thinks I'm cool

because if I do that then I'll have a

chance with hooking up with the you know

the cuter girls in the club and that'll

be good I can't go there and be like a s

i I got to be cool and what do you think

happened how do you think that went for

me it went terribly bro cuz I showed up

and I was stuck in my head with all this

pressure on myself like okay I got to

find my opportunity to say the right

thing okay I'm I'm ready I'm ready and

then I sat there awkwardly in the

corner isolated like a loser you have to

change the goal you have to to take the

pressure off of yourself now when I'm

about to go to a situation like this

I'll tell myself the goal is just to

show up and hopefully you know I can

have a couple good conversations with

some of the people there if some people

there happen to think I'm a loser I'm

awkward I'm okay with that I'm going to

accept that ahead of time but you know

maybe if I do the right things the

things we're about to talk about in this

video maybe they'll just think I'm that

silently attractive guy number two call

them out so a few weeks ago Julia my

wife and I we met up with another couple

we went out on the boats and Julia knew

the girl I didn't know either of them

and at one point the other girl was

telling Julia yeah so there's this thing

you can do when you're trying to get

pregnant that if you guys you have

intercourse on the third day of your

ovulation then that will basically

guarantee that it's a boy my my sister

did it and her friend did it too and

they both had boys and Julia is like wow

that's that's so interesting and even

the other guy is like damn really that

that's kind of crazy and it's one of

those moments where in my head I'm

sitting there like this is the biggest

like bro science assumption

ever but normally as quiet people we

just kind of keep that thought to oursel

label it and move on look bro if you're

not going to say a lot of things the

things you say need to be impactful

things and this is the perfect

opportunity to show that you have balls

you actually had a a kind of unique

thought that went against the grain and

you got to express that to the group so

I'm kind of laying back on the boat I

turn my head and say y'all are crazy you

got a sample size at two girls that have

done this it's a 50/50 chance and all of

y'all are convinced y'all are crazy and

of course everyone laughed the key is to

do this in a playful way to playfully

challenge other people when you call

them out you know we lightly debated it

for a little bit the point wasn't to

prove them wrong the point is that when

you're quiet you got to make sure that

the words that you speak because there's

going to be fewer of them they have to

be impactful so if you see an

opportunity to playfully call someone

out you got to take that opportunity

every time number three choose your

frame so you know that feeling when

you're with a group of people and you

can't think of anything to say and then

in your mind you start to label it as

damn these people probably think I'm a

loser I don't think I can't think of

anything to say I wish I could think of

something to say and then you kind of

really feel like separated and isolated

from the group you have to catch

yourself in this moment and reframe it

in your head in these moments I'll label

it in my head differently I'll just say

I'm choosing to be quiet and calm and

when I have something to say I'll say it

then literally tell yourself I'm being

the the silently attractive guy now I'm

I'm not being the weird loser it's a

simple thing but it changes how you

perceive the entire ire interaction and

will allow you to keep high confidence

levels even when you're not talking you

get to choose the story you tell

yourself you might as well choose the

story that is empowering to you number

four observe the unique so a couple

weeks ago Julia and I were in Boston

walking down Newberry Street at the end

of the night and we got ice cream at

this little ice cream shop and the girl

who's working there scooping the ice

cream tells us and this caught me off

guard she says you two look like you met

on a reality TV show and you're still

together 20 years later it was like the

most unique I'm not even sure if it was

a compliment it was the most kind of

unique observation and it stuck

with me that girl didn't say another

word to us the whole night but

immediately she just seemed I don't know

I I liked her because she observed

something very unique and personal to me

so I try and do the same thing like last

week I met a new guy who had a a full

sleeve tattoo you know kind of like mine

so I observed it and I said oh man it's

you know it's interesting that you have

so many tattoos but you haven't

connected them together with shading I

made an observ ation that was unique to

him and then he opened up and we had a

deep engaging conversation after that

when you meet new people always just be

observing and when you think of

something that's unique about them just

tell them even if it's not a question

even if it's not a compliment just tell

them and that's going to make this

extremely strong impact on them number

five always take the aggressive option

so often times in Social scenarios we

come to a branch in the road where

there's two routes we can take and

usually one of them is a bit more

passive or playing it safe and the other

one is a bit more assertive but it

requires a bit more of a risk to be

taken you see a cute girl at the gym you

can either keep doing your workout and

do nothing or you can try and approach

her and talk to her if you're talking to

a girl you like you can either just let

the conversation goes where it goes or

you can make sure to ask her if she

wants to hang out when you're on a date

with the girl you like you can either

just tell her bye at the end of the

night and say you had a nice time or you

could invite her back to your place so

let's imagine you saw that cute girl at

the gym and you didn't approach how do

you feel a couple hours later are you

happy with yourself or maybe do you feel

a little bit of regret if you're talking

to a really cute girl and you don't ask

her out what does that feel like a few

hours later good or really shitty like

really shitty wishing that I

could rewind time and go back there and

just take the shot at one point I

realized the cheat code to life was just

to always take the assertive option I

would rather take the assertive option

and do it in a really cringy insecure

way but still try and ask the girl out

for example then not to do it it and

regret it later I have literally never

once in my life regretted taking the

assertive option because worst case it

still builds confidence and builds this

positive feedback cycle where you're

more likely now to take the next risk

and take the next opportunity because

think about it if not really what you're

doing is you're building the habit of

always playing it safe and that is what

leads you to being the quiet kind of

loser awkward cringey guy with no hoes

at all zero

hoes now real quick let's keep her real

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change my mind number six proper manners

so my mother is from North Carolina the

Dirty South and she raised me always to

say thank you you're welcome yes sir yes

ma'am please all the basic that

that all of us know and when I was

younger I kind of wanted to be

rebellious and not do that I thought it

would be cooler to be a bit like rude to

people but what I've realized is that

when you meet someone who has good

manners it's such a small thing but

immediately in my mind it makes me look

at them as a higher value person like

they just seem like more of a premium

person I look at them more highly than

someone who doesn't have good manners

and more than anything I think that like

attracts like so if you're someone who

goes around to using good manners you're

a lot more likely to attract other of

those higher value people into your life

with you again when you don't speak a

lot the few words that you speak tell

the story of who you are you want to

make sure you're telling the right Story

number seven highlight the differences

so I think all of us naturally have this

habit that when we're speaking to

someone we're always subconsciously

looking for the threads of things that

we have in common like oh my God you

used to play Oblivion growing up too man

that was the game what about Golden n007

in in Mario 64 you play those too

because then we can connect on those

things and it feels good to make that

connection with someone else now I'm not

saying not to do that but what I am

saying is if you actually focus on

highlighting the differences between you

and the person you're talking to it

leaves a much deeper impact and paints

you as a much more attractive confident

person so for example when I'm back in

Boston and realize that I grew up in

Boston so when I'm there and I meet new

people they tend to ask me oh do you

miss Boston you're such a great City you

must miss it and rather than being like

yeah you know there's really things I

like about Boston I I do kind of miss it

I highlight the differences and I say

honestly I don't miss Boston at allll I

I think you're crazy for still living in

this city man it's cold as hell in the

here keep in mind I'm doing this in a

playful way I'm not trying to create bad

blood in the interaction but how do you

think people respond when I do this well

there's an interesting thing that when

someone pushes you away you tend to want

to pull your way back in so it's almost

like I created a little bit of distance

between us and now they're trying to to

like reproof no no actually you know we

can still get along and we're still good

like yeah you know you're right it it is

a bit a cold in the winter here you know

maybe I should come out and then check

Texas out it's probably cool down there

and these things are so crucial to do

when you're naturally quiet because

people immediately recognize you as oh

he doesn't around he's not afraid

to call me out and say something and

that is an extremely attractive habit

people like the guy who has balls people

want to be like the guy who has balls

and the beauty is you barely have to say

anything at all to demonstrate that

number eight remember things don't be

like Joe Biden you got to remember

things so two days ago I'm getting my

barber you know freshly lining up the

haircut and he's talking about you know

some guy that he was talking to and he's

like but I told him he's got to go to

the boa restaurant downtown and that's a

restaurant I really like in Austin and I

was like wait but you know about boa

he's like yeah bro you told me about boa

last month even I didn't remember that

but the fact that the barber remembered

something you know so unique about me

immediately it just made me like him

more it made me feel like damn this guy

really knows me and he really cares

about me he's a cool dude and that's

something I try and always do is call

back things that I've talked about with

someone before because those are kind of

like inside jokes you and the person

have even though they haven't been a EST

Lish as inside jokes but when you bring

it up now it's like hey me and you are

in on this together even if we don't

know each other that much or even just

thinking right now there's a guy I know

I don't really know him but a guy at the

gym who I know plays with a local band

and does concerts from time to time so

next time I see him I'm going to be like

hey bro how's it going what's up you've

been crushing any concerts lately and I

know that's going to his face is going

to light up and he's going to be like ah

this guy remembers number nine text less

never more this is maybe the most

powerful dating hack in 2024 when most

of the communication before the first

date happens over text message and by

far the number one mistake guys like us

make guys who are naturally quieter with

when there's actual conversation is we

maybe overcompensate a little bit

subconsciously and and send more texts

because it's almost easier to think of

something to say and send it over a text

message bro it it it doesn't work it it

never works it literally never works you

see with texting it's a lot more about

how you text than what you text and if

you're talking to a girl and you're

you're sending less messages the

communication that's actually happening

to her is oh I'm not sure if he's

interested in me he seems like he's he's

a busier guy and that is a a human

psychological factor that she can't even

control she can't even help herself but

want to get to know you better and more

because you're holding yourself back on

the text messages versus if you send a

lot of texts or you send longer text

messages it doesn't matter how smooth

they are bro the the communication that

she's receiving from all this is that

this guy's really really into me and

he's got a lot of free time and those

are not things that that are attractive

so basically be more silent with your

text messaging it's going to help you

out a lot like the faster you can ask

her hey do you want to hang out sometime

this week and then when she says yes you

just say cool what does your week look

like and then she tells you she's free

Wednesday or Thursday then you just

suggest awesome let's meet Wednesday

night at this restaurant at 8:00 P.M

I'll see you there as soon as you start

doing that bro I promise you your

conversion rate from numbers to dates is

going to go through the roof

number 10 draw the line so don't get me

wrong there's times in life where being

persistent can help you out for example

when I identified the gym that I wanted

to work at this luxury gym in Boston I

wanted to be a personal trainer there I

dropped my resume off in person I called

them on the phone I sent multiple emails

I I came back by in person to talk to

the manager myself and ultimately that's

what got my foot in the door or if I

have a working relationship with someone

let's say someone who's doing some

advertising work for me or or a year and

I'm still waiting to hear back from them

I'm going to hit them up and be like hey

I'm following up on last week you still

haven't gotten back to me and I'm

following up again but when it comes to

meeting new people you don't want to be

persistent because unfortunately

persistence just makes you look needy

and needy repels people girls and other

guys so my rule of thumb is this now

when I meet someone new that seems like

a cool person that I want to hang out

with again I'm going to make one genuine

effort to hang out with them because be

real if you meet a girl she ain't going

to be the one that sets up the date and

even if you meet another guy who could

be a business partner or or could just

be a cool guy to hang out with he's

probably not going to make the effort

either people are lazy but if I make

that effort you know I send them the

text messages trying to set up the first

meeting and they don't reciprocate so

they're not available and they don't

make an effort to set up a meeting after

that I'm done I'm out not only does this

prevent you from wasting time on someone

that doesn't want to equally invest into

the relationship with you but it's also

Al very attractive especially in dating

I can't tell you how many girls I tried

to hang out with once and they gave me

the usual like flaky and then I

just texted them okay cool when you're

free let me know you wouldn't think that

this would work you'd be like no I

should probably check in with her again

next week because she's not going to get

back to me but when you just give some

space and show that I don't

chase I've drawn the line I'm out a

shocking amount of girls will get back

to you and be down to hang out number 11

take up

space physically so I have a challenge

for you and that is that next time

you're in a social situation which will

probably be like today or tomorrow I

want you to focus only on putting your

body in a way that takes up space

physically so if you're sitting down you

know sat back in a chair like this your

arms wide your legs a bit open because

what you'll notice well first of all

when we're nervous and we're a bit

anxious we tend to to close our body

into a more like protective fetal stance

maybe not like this but you're probably

a bit tighter and closed in the chest

your legs might be you know crossed more

like this and not only does that allow

this more tight body posture to happen

which is going to make you feel even

more tight and your heart rate will

probably raise and your blood pressure

will go up but also other people will

perceive you as a weak or less confident

man if you're taking up less Space

versus when you open up other people

again without even thinking about it

they're going to perceive you as oh he's

very you know calm and comfortable in

this environment back when I was like

really starting to to confront my social

anxiety I would focus exclusively on

this when I was speaking with my boss or

or with women or or just meeting new

people and it was kind of that one core

habit that I could always you know I

could always have faith that if I just

did that right I would look quietly

attractive i' have that silent

attractiveness and number 12 start

strong so look there's plenty of studies

and I mean plenty of studies out there

that show within milliseconds of someone

seeing you they've already made up their

mind in terms of how attractive you are

how likable you are how aggressive you

are and they've also done studies that

show these first impressions are

extremely sticky meaning that let's say

you make a really bad first impression

on someone and they think you're kind of

a loser even if you show yourself to be

a really strong confident guy later on

it's going to be hard for them to change

their mind about you but let's be real

I'm sure you don't need studies to prove

this to you I'm sure you can just look

at your own life look at the last two

days in your life and see that this is

true for example if this is the first

video of mine that you've seen probably

as soon as I came on camera you already

kind of made up your minds that oh this

guy seems like a little douchy I don't

know if I really want to take advice

from him or maybe you're like ah this

guy seems like relatable and chill like

I'm I'm excited to see the video

hopefully the the second one hopefully

the second one now this is extremely

good news for naturally quiet people

like us because this means that if we

can just make a strong effort in the

first few seconds we're talking to

someone they can already establish us as

an attractive person in their mind even

if we go back to our quiet slightly

awkward ways after that and that's why

every single time I meet someone new I

make sure to do three things first of

all strong eye contact as I'm

approaching them and talking with them

for the first 10 to 20 seconds second

I'll try and have a slight smile on my

face not a big cheesy awkward smile but

at least a little grin they've done

studies that show this has a powerful

impact on first impression because it

shows that you're you know happy and

content with the people around you and

they tend to to mirror that back and

third of it's a man I'm going to give

the the good old firm handshake firm not

trying to break the knuckles that's

weird and if it's a girl or at least a

girl in a social environment not a

professional environment I'm going to go

in for a warm hug and it's important to

if it's a guy or a girl and it's a

handshake to hold the handshake a little

bit longer to to establish that that

physical connection with them and if

it's a hug the same thing it's a warm

hug you know held for 2 3 seconds boom

because now after I've done that I know

that I can be a bit lazy and go back to

Old quiet David and I've already you

know secured the attractive first

impression it takes so much

pressure off of you knowing that that's

already locked in now look if you're

serious about taking every aspect of

your life to the next level then you

need to watch that video next that is

about the 15 laws of self-improvement

and that's basically the top 15 lessons

I've learned transforming my life over

the last 10 years condensed into one

single video click there to watch it now

if you're new to the channel click down

there cuz I release two new videos every

single week you don't miss them I'll

talk to you in the next video Stay

beastly