How to Be a Good Communicator: Master Interpersonal Conversation
Summary
TLDRIn this insightful video, the speaker shares expert tips on effective interpersonal communication. Emphasizing the importance of posture, mood, and eye contact, the speaker provides actionable advice on creating rapport and conveying confidence. With unique insights such as speaking last to understand others better and the art of genuine compliments, the video is a treasure trove for anyone looking to enhance their communication skills in various social and professional settings. The speaker's real-world experiences and strategies for handling difficult conversations, including the power of silence, round off this comprehensive guide to becoming an ultimate communicator.
Takeaways
- 🦸 Posture Matters: Your body language, especially standing straight and tall, conveys confidence and seriousness.
- 😊 Mood Influence: Your mood can set the tone of the conversation, but be aware of the other person's mood and adjust accordingly.
- 😁 Smile and Engage: A subtle smile while talking can make people feel at ease and is a key to effective communication.
- 👀 Eye Contact: Strong eye contact shows that you are an attentive listener and makes the other person feel important.
- 💬 Speak Last: Listening to others before speaking allows you to understand their perspective and avoid unnecessary conflict.
- 🗣️ Learn Names: Remembering and using people's names shows respect and helps in building rapport.
- 🌟 Compliments: Sincere compliments and appreciation can be seductive and make people feel valued.
- 🤔 Think Before Speaking: Pausing before speaking can help in formulating a thoughtful response and avoiding emotional reactions.
- 🙏 Polite Interruptions: Using phrases like 'May I complete a sentence?' can assert your need to speak without being rude.
- 🔊 Speak with Impact: Ensure every word you say has energy and is meaningful; avoid speaking just to fill silence.
- 🤝 Show Interest: By asking questions and showing genuine interest in the other person, you can create a positive impression without bragging.
Q & A
What is the main focus of the speaker's discussion on communication?
-The speaker focuses on interpersonal communication skills rather than public speaking, providing tips on how to effectively communicate in various personal and professional situations.
Why does the speaker believe he is qualified to teach communication skills?
-The speaker has extensive experience in high-level business and government relations across four continents, which has allowed him to develop the ability to create rapport and effectively communicate in diverse settings.
What is the first tip the speaker gives for effective communication?
-The speaker suggests adopting a confident posture, such as the 'Superman pose,' to convey seriousness and command respect in communication.
How does the speaker recommend setting the mood for a conversation?
-The speaker advises matching the mood of the other person initially and then subtly lifting it to a more positive tone, always maintaining a subtle smile to put people at ease.
What is the importance of eye contact according to the speaker?
-Eye contact is crucial as it signifies interest and engagement, making the other person feel important and heard. It's also a way to avoid appearing inattentive or disrespectful.
Why should one speak last in a conversation according to the speaker?
-Speaking last allows one to hear and understand everyone else's perspective, preventing unnecessary conflict and enabling a more informed and harmonious contribution to the conversation.
What is the speaker's unique tip for remembering people's names?
-The speaker emphasizes the importance of learning and using people's names sincerely, as it helps in building rapport and showing genuine appreciation.
How does the speaker suggest handling compliments to be perceived as sincere?
-The speaker advises to give genuine compliments, focusing on small details, maintaining strong eye contact, and insisting on the compliment if the person tries to deflect it.
What are two techniques the speaker recommends for thinking before speaking?
-The speaker suggests counting to five before responding, especially in negotiations, and using physical cues like fingers to help with the count, and taking a breath to calm emotions before speaking.
How can using polite phrases like 'may I complete a sentence' enhance communication?
-Using polite phrases like 'may I complete a sentence' allows one to assert the need to be heard without being rude, maintaining a classy and respectful demeanor in the conversation.
What is the speaker's advice on speaking to ensure impact and intentionality?
-The speaker advises to speak with energy, good volume, and intentionality, making sure that every word has impact and is meaningful, rather than speaking just to break silence.
How should one share personal achievements without appearing narcissistic?
-The speaker suggests indirectly sharing personal achievements by asking questions that the other person will likely reciprocate, thus allowing them to inquire about one's own accomplishments without bragging.
Why is it important to repeat or confirm information when it's critical?
-Repeating or confirming information, especially in debates or when receiving critical data, ensures understanding and creates a bond of rapport, showing the other person that their position or information is valued and understood.
What is the speaker's final tip on handling uncomfortable questions or debates?
-The speaker recommends opting for silence when faced with uncomfortable questions or debates, as silence can be a powerful form of communication that allows the other person to understand you are not willing to engage on that topic.
Outlines
🗣️ Mastering Interpersonal Communication
The speaker emphasizes the importance of effective interpersonal communication over public speaking, aiming to teach viewers how to excel in various social interactions, such as job interviews or dealing with difficult customer service situations. The speaker's qualifications include international business experience and government relations, which have equipped him with the ability to create rapport and achieve results. Key communication tips include maintaining good posture to project confidence, adjusting one's mood to match the conversation's tone, and the importance of a subtle smile to put others at ease. The speaker also highlights the significance of making eye contact and being an attentive listener, using former President Barack Obama and former President Bill Clinton as examples of effective communicators.
🤝 Enhancing Communication with Charm and Respect
This paragraph focuses on the art of being charming and respectful in communication. The speaker suggests learning and using people's names to create a personal connection and to show genuine appreciation through sincere compliments. He advises against interrupting others in conversations or negotiations and recommends a technique of counting to five before responding, especially in emotionally charged situations. The speaker also stresses the importance of politeness in maintaining one's persona, as demonstrated by Noam Chomsky's use of 'may I complete a sentence' during a debate. Additionally, he touches on the negative impact of speaking without purpose, urging viewers to ensure that every word carries energy and meaning. The paragraph concludes with advice on how to subtly share personal achievements without appearing boastful, by engaging the other person's curiosity and interest.
🤐 The Power of Silence and Clarification in Communication
The final paragraph discusses the strategic use of silence and the importance of clarifying information during communication. The speaker advocates for silence when faced with uncomfortable questions or situations where one does not wish to reveal information, highlighting that non-verbal communication can be as powerful as speaking. He also emphasizes the value of repeating information back to the speaker to ensure understanding and to demonstrate attentiveness, which can foster a sense of rapport and mutual respect. The speaker advises against engaging in unproductive arguments and suggests that understanding the other person's position is more important than winning the argument. The paragraph concludes with a reminder of the speaker's aim to provide valuable communication tips and an invitation for viewers to engage with the content by liking the video.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Communication
💡Posture
💡Rapport
💡Eye Contact
💡Mood
💡Compliments
💡Listening
💡Names
💡Silence
💡Arguments
💡Self-Interest
Highlights
Importance of posture in communication, signifying confidence and seriousness.
Matching your mood to the conversation, with a caveat to adjust to the other person's mood.
The power of a subtle smile in putting people at ease during conversations.
The significance of making eye contact as a sign of active listening and interest.
Advice for men to maintain eye contact with women to appear as intent listeners.
Speaking last in a conversation to better understand and respond to others' perspectives.
The charm of learning and using people's names to create rapport.
The seductive power of sincere compliments and expressing appreciation.
The importance of thinking before speaking to avoid potential miscommunication.
Techniques for pausing before responding in high-stress conversations.
Using polite language like 'may I' to assert oneself without being rude.
The impact of speaking with energy and intentionality to avoid filling silence.
Avoiding bragging and instead allowing others to discover your accomplishments.
Strategic self-disclosure by guiding the conversation to allow others to ask about you.
The value of confirming information received to ensure understanding and rapport.
Opting for silence when faced with uncomfortable questions as a form of communication.
The role of silence in communication and its use to navigate difficult conversations.
Transcripts
communication and today folks we are
talking about how to best communicate
interpersonally we're not talking about
public speaking although I do give at
least 40 public speeches per year but
the fact is most of you at home are not
giving public speeches right you need to
learn how to thrive in an interview for
a job or how to be comfortable when
talking to a woman you're interested in
or better yet how to do well when you're
on the phone with that customer service
person who's pissing you off but you
still need to get an outcome out of them
so I'm going to give you a number of
tips that will make you the ultimate
Communicator before I get rolling the
question is Marquette why are you
qualified to teach me how to be a great
communicator well I've done business on
a very high level on four different
continents engaged in government
relations with the Chinese government
the South Korean government the
government of Puerto Rico securing
grants from all of them establishing
offices there long story short I do this
whether we're talking about public or
interpersonal I can create Rapport and
get the job job done and that's what I
want to share with you a few tips and
tricks that you should exercise in your
daily Communications number one first
and foremost before you open your mouth
your posture says a lot about you when
you see a man standing straight and
erect shoulders back chest out chin up
and his voice is loud and clear which
signifies confidence you know this
person should be taken seriously so
first and foremost make sure you have
your Superman pose to start with
secondly your mood sets the mood so if
you go in and you're smiling and
cheerful Up Tempo guess what that's
likely to be the tone of your
conversation but one caveat
you don't want to go too far with that
if you notice that the other person is
serious and little grumpy you don't want
to be too bubbly you want to match them
at a level and then bring them up to
where you are when you're communicating
you always want to have a subtle smile
on your face as you talk it puts people
at ease if you want to look at someone
for modeling look at Barack Obama you'll
notice when he talks he's often smiling
works like a charm here's something
you've probably heard as a child but
maybe you forgot it make eye contact
they say the eyes are the window to the
soul right so when you're talking to
someone and when you're listening make
strong eye contact and here's a pro tip
gentlemen when you're talking to a woman
make sure you're looking at her eyes the
ones in her face because if your eyes
are trailing off that will not make you
look like an intent listener and the
trick to human beings we're all very
self-interested so we love when people
are interested in
us right so pay attention when you track
someone with your eyes and you look
engaged that makes them feel important
like what they're saying is critical it
was said of Bill Clinton that when you
would speak to him you felt like you
were the only person in the room this
next tip you won't hear anywhere else I
feel like this is like my special thing
speak last so often we are eager to
speak get our two cents in I say speak
last why is that so that you can hear
what everyone else says you can soak up
their knowledge and
you can mirror and match what they're
saying to make sure that you're on the
same page so let them know hey I heard
you I think what you said is smart I
want to build on what you said
so when you reserve your position to the
last and you speak at the end one you
know everyone else's perspective so
you're not engaging in unnecessary
conflict you're not offending them you
get to massage the conversation because
you already have a sense of what
everyone else's sentiment is speak last
here's another piece that's hugely
Charming I know a lot of folks want to
be Charming
learn people's names when you meet
someone hi pleasure to meet you Fiona
before you leave let her know you
remember her name
Fiona it was a pleasure meeting you
secondly Express sincere appreciation
and pay genuine compliments
there's no language more seductive than
a compliment people love especially
women when you notice small details
about them and you point it out and make
sure that when you pointed out you're
serious and you're making strong eye
contact so that they feel the sincerity
of that why because most people have low
self-esteem so sometimes they might not
take it seriously unless you make them
take it seriously and often because of
the nature of people they'll try to
deflect a compliment you might say oh
that's a lovely dress you have oh well
you know it's old and no no really I
mean it that's a lovely dress Green's my
favorite color I really like it
make them take that compliment yiddig
now I don't know about you but my
grandmother always told me think before
you speak too often we find that people
do not think before they speak here are
two simple techniques you can leverage
to make sure that you're always thinking
before speaking number one when you hear
something especially something you don't
like this is one I do a lot especially
in negotiation which I have to do more
than I like
so in business when you're negotiating
you know sometimes it can get a little
bit intense the worst thing you can do
is to interrupt someone when they're
speaking because then they don't feel
like they're being heard and they feel
as though you are attacking them so I
count out five seconds in my head but
because it's really tough when you
become emotional I literally do it on my
hands so if my hands are on my leg or if
my hand is under the table I'll put my
fingers together one two three four five
then I'll take a breath and then I'll
speak and you know what I notice most of
the time when I count out one two three
four five
then I take the breath the other person
continues talking they didn't finish
what they were saying sometimes they
pause to think or sometimes they take a
breath and then they realize they have
more to say but the better listener you
are the stronger you make your position
in communication and in negotiation
because most of the time people don't
want to win the argument they want to be
heard here's some more Basics and these
are just touch-ups things you've
probably heard but maybe forgotten and
they will really enhance your ability to
communicate effectively when you say
thank you may I please especially in
conversations that are maybe not going
very well it will help you a lot for
example I heard Noam Chomsky the revered
scholar in a debate and someone kept
cutting him off and then he said may I
complete a sentence wow very powerful
why because it's so polite but it's also
a strong statement may I complete a
sentence which is to say you're
interrupting me I would like to speak
without interruption but here's the
kicker makes him look like a real classy
guy when he says may I complete a
sentence he's asking your permission to
speak without you being rude
it's amazing now that's radically
different from him saying well God you
just cut me off again
you keep interrupting me right he gets
to maintain his Persona and we all want
to associate with things that are higher
things that are civilized and he
definitely positioned himself as The
Classy party in that discussion the
worst speeches I hear are when people
not when they're nervous but when people
are mooring or they're eating
when you speak whether it's
interpersonally or in front of an
audience every word should have some
energy in it and it should be meaningful
never speak merely to break a silence
speak and make sure that your words have
impact you're enunciating you have good
volume and you are intentional about
everything you say let the person know
hey I really mean this now let me appeal
to your self-interest because I know
often you end up in conversations that
you start talking to a young lady
you want to let her know what you're
about you want to let her know who you
are say you're a big deal you're making
a lot of money you want to tell her what
job you have you want to tell her what
kind of car you drive because you're
trying to impress her generally speaking
I could say you should not do that the
more that you brag and aggrandize
yourself and make yourself bigger then
that person tends to feel smaller and
also they think that you're a bit
narcissistic hey here's the truth we're
all narcissistic here's a good way to
hide that
if you want to share something with
someone maybe a fact about yourself
what you should do is ask that person
the question you want them to ask you so
if you want to brag about your important
job because you're a doctor you might
say
oh you know
I consider being a lawyer but I didn't
end up going that path how about you now
what have you chosen as a career what's
your calling
and when they get to talking about that
you listen very attentively and most
likely they'll turn and flip the
question on you and say oh well what do
you do
now let me warn you as a mature person
if they don't flip the question onto you
don't just start talking about it let
them talk I can assure you that the more
they think you're interested in them
once that conversation is over if
someone went and asked that person about
you they'll say well he's a really smart
guy really humble nice guy like yeah I'm
interested to see him again
because you don't have to say a lot
about yourself the way you conduct
yourself the way you pay attention to
them the language that you use your
vocabulary
all of these things about you will speak
well of you that you do not need to brag
if you really are a big deal that person
if they have any brain should be able to
put that together on their own without
your assistance now this one might sound
as though
it's Overkill but it's really not
when I hear something from someone
especially if they're trying to convey
information to me that they think is
important or maybe they're conveying a
password or something like that or a
phone number I always say
hey you said that really clearly but let
me read that phone number back to you
make sure I have it correctly or if
we're in a debate maybe an argument
I say I just want to make sure that I
understand your position
you're saying that you think Donald
Trump is going to be re-elected because
he's added a lot of jobs to the economy
not part-time jobs but full-time jobs
that people can support their families
on is that what you're saying
and then the person says yeah that's
right you always want the effect of yeah
that's right that means you're creating
a bond you're creating Rapport you're
showing the other person you care and
understand once they say yeah that's
right you can then go and say some crazy
stuff and at least they're willing to
work with you and walk with you down
your path because they already at a
baseline level say this person's
reasonable they've understood my
position maybe you didn't say you didn't
say you agree but you understand at
least and here's my last tip because a
lot of you end up in debates and
arguments which are extremely
unprofitable I highly recommend you
avoid arguments but every now and then
you encounter that person that just
pries they ask you a question you don't
want to answer and maybe you end up
arguing or maybe you end up begrudgingly
answering the question or revealing
something you don't want to reveal
generally speaking I always say opt for
silence
and people forget about the role of
silence and communication not talking is
a form of talking so if someone asks you
something that you're not comfortable
answering or you don't want to share
that information with them do this
that's right
maintain eye contact don't say anything
I can assure you after 10 seconds of
they'll get the point and they'll move
on to the next topic folks it's been a
pleasure to have you here with me if you
like this video absolutely click the
like button
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