Can a son marry against his parents wishes? - Assim al hakeem
Summary
TLDRThe speaker addresses a common issue where young men face opposition from their parents when choosing a spouse. The parents often refuse to allow their sons to marry someone of their own choice, insisting on selecting the bride themselves. The speaker argues that this is wrong and an act of transgression, emphasizing that the son has the right to choose his spouse. He advises the young man to be respectful and diplomatic with his parents but encourages him to marry the person he chooses, regardless of their disapproval.
Takeaways
- 🧑🦱 The speaker discusses a common issue where young men, like a 25-year-old from Saudi Arabia, face resistance from their parents when wanting to marry due to various reasons.
- 💔 Parents often deny marriage requests from their sons, citing reasons like the elder sibling being unmarried or thinking it's not the right time.
- 🙏 The speaker emphasizes that parents are committing a sin by preventing their son from marrying the person of his choice.
- 💬 The boy is urged to be respectful and dutiful towards his parents despite their opposition, but to still pursue his choice of marriage.
- 😔 Some parents threaten to boycott or curse their children if they marry without parental consent, which the speaker condemns.
- 🙅♂️ The speaker argues that it's wrong for parents to enforce their choice of spouse on their children, as it's the child who will live with that partner.
- 🛑 Parents who control their children's marriage choices are seen as committing a major transgression.
- 👩👦 The speaker suggests that this controlling behavior might stem from the parents' own negative experiences in their youth.
- 🔄 The speaker advises young men to be diplomatic and continue respecting their parents, even if they disagree with their choices.
- 💍 Ultimately, the speaker advises the young man to go ahead with the marriage of his choice, while maintaining respect for his parents.
Q & A
What is the main issue the boy in the script is facing?
-The boy wants to get married, but his parents are refusing to let him because his elder sister is not yet married, and they want him to wait.
Why are the boy's parents refusing to let him get married?
-The boy's parents believe it is not the right time for him to marry because his elder sister is still unmarried, and they also want to have control over his choice of a spouse.
How does the boy's family react to his desire to marry someone of his choice?
-The boy's family reacts negatively, cursing him and threatening to boycott him and his future wife and children if he goes against their wishes.
What does the speaker say about the parents' behavior towards their son?
-The speaker criticizes the parents' behavior, calling it transgression and a major sin, as they are trying to control their son's life and marriage decisions.
What does the speaker suggest the boy should do in response to his parents' refusal?
-The speaker suggests that the boy should remain diplomatic and respectful, continue to maintain contact with his parents, and eventually go ahead and marry the person of his choice without looking back.
What does the speaker say about the impact of the parents' curses on their son?
-The speaker says that the parents' curses will have no impact and won't even reach the lower heaven because their actions are unjust and sinful.
Why does the speaker mention the treatment of the mother by her husband and in-laws?
-The speaker mentions that the mother might be repeating the abusive behavior she experienced from her husband and in-laws by trying to control her son's marriage and enslaving her future daughter-in-law.
What does the speaker advise the boy to remember about his parents despite their transgressions?
-The speaker advises the boy to remember that his parents are still his gateway to paradise, and he should not boycott them but instead keep trying to maintain a relationship with them.
What does the speaker say about the parents' expectations for their son's marriage choice?
-The speaker says that it is wrong for the parents to expect their son to marry someone they choose for him and that he has the right to choose his own spouse.
How does the speaker suggest the boy should handle the situation in the long term?
-The speaker suggests that the boy should continue being respectful and diplomatic with his parents, keep praying, and ultimately go ahead with his marriage decision, trusting that he is not doing anything wrong.
Outlines
💔 Struggles with Marriage and Parental Control
This paragraph discusses the difficulties faced by a young man from Saudi Arabia who wishes to get married but faces resistance from his parents. Despite being young, fit, and in need of companionship, his parents refuse to support his desire to marry, insisting that he wait until his elder sister marries or until he is older. The situation escalates when the parents threaten to boycott him if he marries against their wishes. The speaker emphasizes that this parental control is a form of transgression, arguing that the son has the right to choose his own spouse and should not be forced to marry someone chosen by his parents. The speaker condemns this type of parental behavior, stating that their curses and disapproval will not affect the son, as they are acting unjustly.
🤝 Navigating Parental Opposition with Diplomacy
This paragraph advises the young man to handle the situation with diplomacy and respect, despite his parents' opposition. The speaker urges him not to confront his parents directly but to remain dutiful and maintain communication with them, even if they continue to boycott him. The importance of treating parents with respect is emphasized, as they are considered a gateway to paradise. Although the parents are wrong and sinful in their actions, the speaker encourages the young man to continue trying to win them over through kindness and patience. Ultimately, the young man is advised to go ahead and marry the woman of his choice without looking back, while continuing to pray for his parents and maintain a relationship with them.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Transgression
💡Marriage
💡Parental Control
💡Cursing
💡Autonomy
💡Obligation
💡Respect
💡Boycotting
💡Temptations
💡Gateway to Paradise
Highlights
Abu Yussef addresses a common issue where young men face pressure from their parents regarding marriage.
Many young men experience tension with their parents who insist they wait until an older sibling is married first.
Parents often disregard their son's concerns about falling into sin if he doesn't marry soon.
A common scenario involves parents rejecting a son’s choice of a spouse and instead imposing their own choice.
Abu Yussef emphasizes that parents are committing a major sin by preventing their son from marrying the person he chooses.
The son is not obligated to marry the woman his parents choose for him.
Parents should respect their son's choice, as he is the one who will live with his wife for the rest of his life.
Abu Yussef criticizes parents who threaten to curse or boycott their son if he marries against their wishes.
He argues that parental curses in such situations are ineffective and unjust.
The comparison is made between a son's choice in marriage and his preference for soft drinks, highlighting that it’s a personal decision.
Abu Yussef advises sons to remain respectful and dutiful, even if their parents are being unreasonable.
He encourages diplomacy and continuous efforts to maintain a relationship with parents, despite disagreements.
Parents who were mistreated by their in-laws may perpetuate the same behavior towards their daughter-in-law.
Such parents often refuse their son's choice because they want a daughter-in-law who will serve them.
Abu Yussef concludes by advising young men to marry the person they choose and not to look back, while still respecting their parents.
Transcripts
Abu Yussef from Saudi Arabia he is
telling about an issue that is
reassuring so many times and
unfortunately I get tens let me rephrase
that I get hundreds of questions a week
on such issues the boy loves a girl or
he doesn't love a girl the boy is 25
years of age he's young he's fit he's
healthy there's so many temptations out
there and he goes to mom and dad please
help me I have to get married and they
said no no no no not it's not yet time
for you your elder sister is not married
yet give it a couple of years more or
three years maybe until we when you
finish 30 and the boy says this is too
much I will fall into sin I will fall
into Haram and they could care less so
he speaks to his mom mom I'd like to
marry such a someone so girl she's the
sister of my friend and she says no and
she curses him he goes to his father and
he only finds the same treatment and he
curses him and they all say we have
nothing to do with your marriage not
only that if you get married we will not
talk to you will this communicate with
you
we will boycott you we will not look at
you or at your wife or at your children
and will curse you day and night
well sad news is most of the boys could
care less because the father and the
mother are transgressing against their
son they're committing a major sin when
they stop him from marrying they should
know we paid for his education yes but
you did not enslave him he must marry
the woman we choose for him
wrong he does he's not obliged to marry
whomever you choose for him if the
father says no he has to marry the woman
I choose for him he you wanna him to
marry such a girl you go ahead and marry
her let him shoot he's the one who's
gonna live with her for the rest of his
life you don't get to choose for him and
it's none of your business as a father
or as a mother to control your son's
life like this then I will curse him he
curse him from here till the day of
judgment it would not even reach the
lower heaven because you are valium you
are committing an act of transgression
it's like saying I don't like him to
drink soft drinks that has Cola in it
only a Fanta or 7up it's none of your
business
this is his preference he drinks
whatever he wants he marries whomever he
wants he's a man he doesn't need your
approval or consent but out of respect
and being dutiful he is trying to put
some sense into your heads usually such
parents would not bend they would
continue to be stiff and not willing to
compromise till their death sad news but
unfortunately there are parents who are
so abusive like this and even worse such
parents have horrible life the mother
was treated by her husband in a similar
way when she was young she was enslaved
by her in-laws and now she wants to do
the same to her daughter-in-law
she wants someone to be her slave and to
cook and clean this is why she refuses
the boy to marry someone of his own
choice and all of this solemn is
reoccurring and we born over and over
again
well these people will be punished on
the day of judgment as for you my friend
you see someone you like she's righteous
practicing from a good family your
parents don't want or don't accept you
marrying anyone unless they choose for
you in this case you are not a renegade
you are not a rebel you are a human
being choosing your spouse that you will
live with for the rest of your life
let them curse let them say whatever
they want Allah would not hear them
I'm not Allah would not look at them for
their transgression now you be
diplomatic don't confront them
don't go head-on try to be diplomatic
dutiful keep on calling them even after
years and years of boycotting you but
you have to remember that they are your
parents in your gateway to paradise
they're wrong they're transgressing
their sinful without any question but
again this does not give you the
justification or the reason to boycott
them in exchange and not to talk to them
no keep trying your level best maybe you
are in your sujood at a loss often is
very hard but at the end of the day you
go and get married
and don't look back we have a short
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