Etiquette Expert Answers Etiquette Questions From Twitter | Tech Support | WIRED

Summary

In 'Etiquette Support', William Hanson tackles common dining and social etiquette questions. He explains the historical 'no elbows on the table' rule, proper tea stirring, cheese cutting, pea eating, and glass clinking. Hanson addresses concerns about etiquette's relevance, clarifies misconceptions like cutlery positions signaling satisfaction, and advises on not interrupting conversations. He also covers airplane seat etiquette, engaging in conversations about uninteresting topics, signaling for the bill in a restaurant, and addressing royals. The video humorously provides guidance on various manners, emphasizing politeness and consideration.

Takeaways

• 🤔 The 'no elbows on the table' rule originated in medieval Europe to prevent trestle tables from tipping over.
• 🍵 When stirring tea, use a back and forth 6, 12, 6, 12 motion and gently flick the teaspoon at the top of the cup.
• 🧀 When cutting cheese, avoid taking the 'nose' (the creamiest part) for yourself and maintain the original shape.
• 🥗 In formal dining, eat peas using a fork and knife, spearing them onto the tines of the fork.
• 🥂 It's improper to clink glasses on the table as it can damage fine glassware.
• 🌍 Etiquette is essential for everyone on Earth, with a focus in the video on Western, British, and American manners.
• 🍽️ There is no secret message in how you place your cutlery; it only indicates if you are resting or finished.
• 🔥 Interrupting someone in a conversation is generally not acceptable unless it's an emergency.
• 🍷 You should only send back wine at a restaurant if it's corked, not because you don't like the taste.
• 🍔 To eat a large burger elegantly, deconstruct it with a knife and fork before eating.
• 🍝 When eating spaghetti, do not cut it; instead, twist it with your fork into a neat parcel and eat.
• 🙅‍♂️ The worst etiquette sin is not using 'please', 'thank you', and 'sorry'.

Q & A

Why is it considered bad etiquette to put your elbows on the table?

The no elbows on the table rule dates back to medieval times in Europe where trestle tables were used. Placing elbows on the table could cause the table to tip and spill food, which was considered poor etiquette. Today, it is still followed because it is seen as unattractive.

What is the proper way to stir tea?

Instead of stirring tea clockwise or anticlockwise, one should stir in a back and forth 6, 12, 6, 12 motion, gently flicking the teaspoon at the top of the cup, then setting it back in line with the handle.

How should you cut a round cheese for a charcuterie board?

You should cut the cheese while maintaining its original shape, starting from the top and cutting down, rather than cutting like soap, which would take the creamiest part for yourself, which is considered poor manners.

What is the correct way to eat peas in formal dining?

In formal dining, you should use both the fork and the knife. It's better to spear the peas onto the tines of your fork instead of scooping them, which might be acceptable in casual dining.

Is it proper etiquette to clink glasses on the table?

No, it is not proper etiquette to clink glasses on the table. In formal dining, it can damage expensive glassware and is considered impolite.

Why is etiquette important according to the etiquette coach?

Etiquette is important to everyone, especially if you are a user of Earth, as it helps in social interactions and shows respect to others.

What does the etiquette coach say about the myth of cutlery positions indicating satisfaction with the food?

The coach clarifies that there is a myth circulating on social media about cutlery positions indicating whether you liked the food or not, which is false. The only positions for cutlery are to indicate resting or finishing with the meal.

Is it ever appropriate to interrupt someone in a conversation?

The etiquette coach suggests that interrupting someone is generally not appropriate unless it is to prevent harm, like if someone's clothing is on fire.

What is the proper way to send back a bottle of wine at a restaurant?

You should only send back a bottle of wine if there is a problem with it, such as it being corked. Sending it back just because you do not like it is not acceptable.

How should you eat a large burger without looking grotesque?

You should deconstruct the burger first with a knife and fork, cutting a piece and then eating it, rather than trying to fit the whole burger in your mouth.

What are the differences between British and American fork etiquette?

In Britain, both the knife and fork are held at the same time with the knife staying low, and the food is conveyed via the fork. In America, people often cut a piece of food, place the knife down, turn the fork over to eat, then repeat.

How does the etiquette coach suggest eating spaghetti?

The coach advises against cutting pasta and instead eating it with the fork upturned, twisting the spaghetti at the edge to form a neat parcel before eating.

What is considered the worst etiquette sin by the etiquette coach?

The worst etiquette sin is not saying 'please,' 'thank you,' and 'sorry,' which are fundamental to being a polite human being.

What is the etiquette for arriving at a host's house for dinner in France?

Traditionally, it was etiquette to arrive 15 minutes late to give the host time to prepare. However, this is changing with newer generations, and it's suggested to arrive around 5 minutes late if the host says 7:30.

What should you do if you want to recline your airplane seat?

You can recline your seat, but it's polite to check behind you first, signal your intention, and recline slowly rather than abruptly.

How can you politely get out of a conversation you're not interested in?

You can try to pair the person off with someone else by introducing them to another person, which allows you to leave the conversation gracefully.

What is the proper way to signal a waiter for the bill?

You should use body language, sit back from the table, and make eye contact with the waiter. When they come over, politely ask for the bill.

How should you address members of the British royal family?

The king and queen are referred to as 'Your Majesty,' and you would address the king as 'sir' and Queen Camilla as 'ma'am' thereafter. Other members with an HRH title are addressed as 'Your Royal Highness,' followed by 'sir' or 'ma'am' according to their gender.

What should you do if you're unsure whether to offer your seat to someone who might need it more?

If you wish to offer your seat, you can do so without fear of offending, as you're likely never to see the person again. It's a kind gesture.

What is the optimum distance to hold a door open for someone?

There is no correct distance; it's about what feels right and checking behind to see if someone is approaching.

How can you politely get rid of house guests that overstay their welcome?

You can use tactics like asking if they have a busy day tomorrow or offering them something else, which can subtly signal that it's time to leave.

Outlines

00:00

🍽️ Table Manners and Etiquette

William Hanson, an etiquette coach, answers internet etiquette questions in 'Etiquette Support'. Topics include the historical reason for not placing elbows on the table, proper tea stirring technique, how to cut cheese without taking the best part, using a fork and knife for peas in formal dining, and the etiquette of clinking glasses. He also addresses the importance of etiquette in general, dispels myths about cutlery placement indicating satisfaction with food, and discusses the appropriateness of interrupting conversations.

05:01

🍔 Eating Etiquette for Various Foods

William Hanson continues to provide etiquette advice, focusing on how to eat a large burger without appearing grotesque by deconstructing it with a knife and fork. He compares British and American knife and fork etiquette, explains the proper way to eat spaghetti according to Emily Post, identifies basic etiquette sins such as not saying 'please', 'thank you', and 'sorry', and discusses the changing norms around arriving to a dinner on time. He also comments on the etiquette of reclining airplane seats and provides tips for ending uninteresting conversations gracefully.

10:04

🤝 Social Etiquette and Interactions

In the final segment, Hanson advises on how to signal to a waiter for the bill without being intrusive, provides a crash course on addressing royalty, and gives tips on how to offer a seat to someone who might need it without causing offense. He also discusses the etiquette of holding doors, strategies for dealing with house guests who overstay their welcome, and ends with a reminder of the importance of etiquette in social interactions.

Keywords

💡Etiquette

Etiquette refers to the conventions and rules of polite behavior in society or among members of a specific profession or group. In the video, etiquette is the central theme, with the host, William Hanson, addressing various etiquette questions related to dining, social interactions, and manners. Examples include the 'no elbows on the table rule' and the proper way to stir tea, which are both discussed to illustrate appropriate conduct during meals.

💡Table Manners

Table manners are the socially acceptable ways of eating and drinking during meals. The video provides insights into table manners, such as not placing elbows on the table to prevent accidents with the dining setup, and the correct way to eat peas using a fork and knife, highlighting the importance of these practices in maintaining a civilized dining experience.

💡Medieval Times

The term 'medieval times' refers to the period in European history that lasted from the 5th to the 15th century. In the script, William Hanson explains the origin of the 'no elbows on the table' rule by connecting it to the use of trestle tables during medieval times, emphasizing the historical context of modern etiquette.

💡Charcuterie

Charcuterie is a French term for a style of cooking that uses salt-cured, smoked, or cooked meats. In the video, the host discusses how to cut cheese for a charcuterie board, advising against taking the 'nose of the cheese' (the creamiest part) for oneself to demonstrate sharing and consideration in social food settings.

💡Formal Dining

Formal dining refers to a style of dining characterized by adherence to strict etiquette and protocol. The video touches on formal dining by contrasting it with casual dining, such as the proper way to eat peas, where using a fork and knife is deemed more appropriate than scooping them directly.

💡Cheesing

In the context of the video, 'cheesing' refers to the act of clinking glasses together during a toast. It is mentioned as a common but incorrect practice in formal dining settings, where such actions could lead to the breakage of expensive glassware and disrupt the dining experience.

💡Etiquette Expert

An etiquette expert is someone who is knowledgeable about and teaches the rules and conventions of polite behavior. William Hanson positions himself as an etiquette expert in the video, providing guidance on various etiquette questions and sharing his expertise on proper conduct.

💡Spaghetti

Spaghetti is a type of long, thin, Italian pasta. The video addresses the proper way to eat spaghetti according to Emily Post's etiquette guidelines, suggesting that one should not cut the pasta but instead twist it into a neat parcel using a fork, demonstrating the importance of knowing how to handle different types of food gracefully.

💡Aerobic Exercise

Aerobic exercise refers to physical exercises that increase heart rate and breathing to improve overall fitness. In the video, the term is humorously used to describe the American method of eating with a knife and fork, where the knife is put down after cutting and the fork is turned over to eat, which is compared to an aerobic workout due to its vigorous nature.

💡Horoscopes

Horoscopes are astrological charts that claim to predict a person's characteristics and predict future events based on the positions of celestial bodies. In the script, horoscopes are mentioned in the context of a conversation topic that one might want to avoid, suggesting strategies for politely exiting a discussion that does not interest the speaker.

💡Royals

The term 'royals' refers to members of a royal family, typically a monarchy. The video provides a crash course on addressing British royals, explaining the proper forms of address such as 'Your Majesty' and 'Your Royal Highness,' which are crucial for understanding the etiquette involved in interacting with high-ranking dignitaries.

Highlights

The no elbows on the table rule originates from medieval Europe to prevent trestle tables from tipping.

Stirring tea should be done in a back and forth 6, 12, 6, 12 motion, not clockwise or anticlockwise.

When cutting cheese, avoid taking the creamiest part for yourself; cut down while maintaining the original shape.

In formal dining, use both the fork and the knife to eat peas, spearing them onto the fork tines.

Clinking glasses on the table is not proper etiquette as it can damage fine glassware.

Etiquette is important for everyone, especially in Western, British, and American cultures.

Table etiquette does not involve signaling satisfaction with food through cutlery placement.

Interrupting someone in a conversation is generally not acceptable unless it's an emergency.

You can send back a bottle of wine at a restaurant only if it's corked, not based on personal preference.

To eat a large burger elegantly, deconstruct it with a knife and fork before eating.

In Britain, the knife is held low while eating, and the food is conveyed via the fork.

Eating spaghetti should be done without cutting it, using the fork to twist and create a neat parcel.

Not saying 'please,' 'thank you,' and 'sorry' is considered the worst etiquette sin.

In France, it was once etiquette to arrive 15 minutes late to a host's house, but this is changing.

You can recline your airplane seat, but not during meal service and do it slowly to signal others.

To get out of an uninteresting conversation, try to pair the speaker off with someone else.

To get a waiter's attention, use body language and eye contact, not clicking or clapping.

When addressing the British royal family, use 'Your Majesty' initially, then 'sir' or 'ma'am'.

If you're unsure if someone needs your seat, it's okay to offer it to them without fear of offense.

There's no specific distance to hold a door open; it's about what feels right and checking behind you.

To get rid of house guests that overstay their welcome, use subtle hints or direct approaches like flicking the lights.

Transcripts

- I'm William Hanson, an etiquette coach,

and I'm here to answer

the internet's burning etiquette questions.

This is Etiquette Support.

[upbeat music]

@dollymoroll asks, "I always do my best

to have good table etiquette,

but I still genuinely do not understand

the no elbows on the table rule.

Why is that important!!!"

The no elbows on the table rule

goes back to the medieval times in Europe,

where they were eating from trestle tables.

They would put these benches out with sheets of wood on top.

If you put your elbows on the table,

the table would tip and the food would go everywhere,

and obviously, that's not a very good etiquette,

and so it became the etiquette to not to put your elbows

on the table.

We do really still abide by the no elbows on the table rule

because I think it looks really ugly.

@Qualinx is saying, "What's the proper way

to stir the tea: clockwise or anticlockwise?"

Great question. And the answer is neither.

Instead, we stir in a back and forth 6, 12, 6, 12 motion,

gently flicking the teaspoon at the top of the cup,

not [spoon clangs] hanging around like that.

Thank you very much.

Set it back in line with the handle and enjoy.

RgMystur is asking, "Actually [beep] this site,

I'm learning how to cut cheese for charcuterie."

Well, you live life on the edge.

Here comes our cheese selection. Thank you.

You don't want to take the best bit of the cheese

for yourself.

And the best bit of the cheeses that are made in the round

is the nose of the cheese.

And on this blue cheese here, that would be this bit.

So we wouldn't cut like soap

because you'd be taking the creamiest bit for yourself

and that's not good manners.

Instead, we are going to cut down

keeping the original shape.

And then we would place that cheese on our individual plate.

We have a question now from jopehaley.

"How do you eat your peas?"

Excellent question. Cue the peas.

Thank you so much.

Just ordered this plate of peas

from the nearest available tin.

What we don't do is scoop like this.

In really casual dining, that might be permissible,

but in more formal dining we're going to use

both the fork and the knife.

Some people do this.

I think this is more difficult to keep those peas balanced.

You see, there we go. One's gone.

It's much better

to just spear them onto the tines of your fork

and eat like so.

@TheEtiquetteMan is asking,

"Is cheersing or clinking your glass on the table

proper etiquette?"

[groans] So many people do it.

[glass clinks]

But it's not actually correct.

In formal dining, you're drinking from fine glassware

that's expensively made,

and if you do start smashing your glasses together,

you're going to hear the clink of glass all over the floor,

and that'll somewhat ruin the meal.

We have a tweet from @ShellyLahey.

"No, but why should we care about etiquette?

Like who the [beep] cares about which fork goes where?

Why does it MATTER?"

They've put in block capitals.

Clearly have strong opinions on this.

Etiquette important to everybody.

If you are a user of Earth,

then you need etiquette and manners.

No one is exempt from that.

Predominantly what I'm focusing on today

is Western, British, American etiquette.

@dhruvimodi10 is saying,

"Who even decides table etiquette

like I'll keep the fork however I want

without giving some secret message

on whether I like the food or not."

Okay, so there is some etiquette fake news

that does the rounds on social media.

There is a graphic showing the different positions

to put your cutlery in

based on whether you liked the food or not,

whether you are ready for a second plate.

It's a load of rubbish.

The only positions you put your cutlery in

when they're not being held in your hand

is to indicate that you are resting or if you are finished.

When we're resting,

the cutlery goes like so.

When we're finished,

in Britain, we would put the cutlery together.

But in other parts of the world

that might be at a slight angle,

and in France, the fork might be turned over.

That is what the waiting staff are looking for.

@waseemhnyc is asking,

"Is it ever okay to interrupt someone in a conversation?"

Short answer, no.

"And if it is okay," which it isn't,

"when is it an appropriate time?"

I mean, look, if they're on fire,

then you might perhaps need to say,

"I'll just stop you there. Your trousers are alight."

But other than that, let them finish.

But note to everyone else,

a conversation is meant to be like a game of tennis.

You are not meant to hold the ball and not let it go.

@VirginRadioToronto are asking,

"Is it wrong to taste a bottle of wine at a restaurant

and then send it back because you don't like it?"

Well, the restaurant are going to love you

because you're going to be paying for the first bottle

and the second bottle.

The only reason, thank you,

that you can send something back

is because there is a problem with the wine

because it is corked

and that's where there's been a problem

in the storage process.

And by the time you get the wine about here,

you will know that it is corked,

it will stink.

This is from b1ackker, "How tf do you eat a big ass burger

in a non grotesque way?"

Well, that's an excellent question. Thank you.

Now this burger, this is huge.

Nobody's got a mouth that big.

So instead you are going to deconstruct it first

with your knife and fork.

Take the top of the bun off and then cut a little bit,

and then eat like so.

@RichardBicknase is asking,

"What fork etiquette do you use?

I'm sure I'd get roasted in Europe

for my very American knife and fork etiquette."

Well, yes, there are some differences.

In Britain, when we're using a knife and fork together,

they are both held at the same time.

The knife stays low.

We obviously don't put the knife anywhere near our mouth,

and the food is conveyed via the fork.

And in Britain, the tines of the fork, the prongs,

always face downwards.

Now in America, they will start like this,

cut a little bit of food,

place the knife down on the edge of the plate,

turn the fork over,

stab and eat,

pick up the knife,

cut another little bit of food.

This is an aerobic exercise.

This is not relaxing in any way.

So we don't suggest eating like that in Britain.

But of course, in America, it's perfectly correct

if that's how they wish to eat.

Mistererickson is saying that "According to etiquette expert

Emily Post,

there are three proper ways to eat spaghetti.

How do you do it?"

Thank you. Looks so appetizing.

Well, Emily Post wrote her book in America

at the turn of the 20th century.

Now, I don't know about the etiquette back then,

but I don't think there were three ways to eat spaghetti.

But today, there is only one way.

You are not going to cut your pasta. It's very bad form.

It is just eaten with the fork upturned

in the dominant hand.

And you go in from the edge of your spaghetti,

twist and make a neat little parcel,

and then eat like so.

@lolitslaurence says,

"What is the worst etiquette sin ever?"

If you do not say, "Please, thank you and sorry,"

as a human being walking on this Earth,

then you should be put into etiquette room 101

and the key should be thrown away.

Those are the absolute basic fundamental things

of being a human being.

This one is from @Sassy_Frenchie,

"Do they know the etiquette in France

is to arrive 15 minutes late at the host's house

so they can prepare on time?"

This is a really interesting one,

and I think one that is changing with different generations.

So in Britain and in France and several of the countries,

it did use to be the etiquette

that you never arrived on time to someone's house

for a dinner.

So if I said to you, "Come for 7:30."

You would turn up at 7:40 maybe 7:45.

However, I think millennials and Gen Z now

are slightly panicked if their guests are not there

at the time they have said.

So I would say really, if someone now says to you 7:30

probably go for 7:35.

As a host, it's really nice to have those 10, 15 minutes

just to have a breather,

do those final preparations,

have a gin and tonic,

and generally, the friends that don't get the 15 minutes,

10 to 15 minute late rule,

generally the ones that don't host.

@kayhaby is asking,

"I'm absolutely shocked that so many people think

it's shitty to recline your airplane seat.

That's why it's there so you can recline.

I've never not reclined my seat.

My seat stays reclined always."

Well, I think the cabin crew have got something to say

at takeoff and landing about that

because you're not meant to have it reclined then.

Oh yes, they're from Austin, Texas, which explains so much.

I would suggest that if you are going to recline your seat,

and you are right @kayhaby,

if you want to recline your seat, you can,

but don't do it during the meal service.

Do make sure you just sort of slightly check behind you.

It's a signal that you are going to do it,

and you do it slowly.

Don't do it violently.

@msrobotbutler says,

"Help, this girl is telling me about horoscopes

and I've literally no interest in it.

I don't know how to get out of this conversation."

Try and pair them off with someone else.

Say to them, "Oh, I've just seen someone over there.

I must go and chat to before they go, but have you met Anna?

No?"

I'm going to introduce this person with Anna.

And off you go.

It's much nicer than just going, "I've got to go, bye."

And then walking off.

@BraveArcanine is asking,

"It feels like unless I hunt down the waiter

that we want the check or bill,

we could be there for hours,

is this a thing?"

The way to get a waiter's attention is purely body language.

We don't want any clicking, any clapping,

or any flapping about.

Instead sort of sit back from the table,

make yourself a little bit taller

and try and catch their eye as they go past.

Keep the hand at the level of the eye,

and then when they come over,

please may I have the bill?

That's all you need to say.

@eduzmi is asking,

"I need a crash course on how to properly address royals."

Well, I'm gonna take the British royal family.

The king and queen are referred to as their majesty,

but direct conversation you would say your majesty,

and then you would call the king sir thereafter,

and Queen Camilla would be ma'am,

and that's ma'am as in ham, not ma'am as in farm.

And every other member of the royal family,

if they have an HRH title would be Your Royal Highness,

followed by sir or ma'am,

according to their gender.

@SALTCHEECK is asking,

"I'm having an internal debacle right now.

A lady is standing in front of me in the train.

She looks pregnant, but not really.

Do I ask? Do I offer my seat?"

There is always that slight jeopardy

that, of course, you might offend somebody,

but the good news is you're probably never seeing them

ever again.

If you wish to offer your seat to anybody

who looks like they need that seat more than you,

then yes, you can do that.

@shornKOOMINS is saying,

"I hold the door open for anyone, always,

but I would like some clarification on the optimum distance

at which it is acceptable to let the door close

instead of enduring that awkward long-ish wait

and forcing them to break

into that slightly embarrassed half jog."

At 2.4 meters.

No, that's a joke.

There's no correct distance for me to give you.

It's just what feels right.

But at least glance behind and check.

@bday1961 is asking,

"How do you get rid of house guests

that overstay their welcome?"

I have various different tactics.

First of all, I might say to them,

"Have you got a very busy day tomorrow?"

Or I might say to people, "Can I get anyone anything else?"

Which again is another passive-aggressive piece

of British etiquette to mean "Please leave."

If all of that fails, you can just flick the lights

and hope they get the message like a nightclub.

Well, those are all of the burning etiquette questions

we've got time for today.

Thank you very much indeed for watching Etiquette Support.

[ceremonious music]